Sometimes the simplest things hit us in the most powerful ways. This simple image is very moving to me. An eye with the earth and diamonds inside the pupil. This sketch was for someone who had a very strong and natural connection to their spiritual self. The image served as a reminder of that connection. What it evokes in me, the universal message, is what wants to come forward this week and is a peek into my personal spiritual journey.
The message: Don't hide.
I was a weird kid. Spiritually curious. Not religious, just curious. I was passionate about understanding what and who God really is. Why I am here? Why are any of us are here? Where do we come from? This mostly came off as a challenge to religious authority. But my true intent was curiosity not rebellion, though that may not be what it seemed like on the outside.
I was also very curious about energy and the science of mysticism. Not gonna lie, I loved Star Wars, not like a super fan, but I did like the movies. After seeing The Empire Strikes Back, I was convinced I had the force. Kept trying to move things with my mind. No I couldn't do it, but there is still a believer in me that some day...
I'm a dreamer, both aspirational and literal. I love my dreams. They were my first portal to spiritual connection. In my life, I have had very specific dreams play out almost to the tee in real life. Though this was scary and freaky at first - it also served as a confirmation of a connection beyond the physical and kept my curiosity peeked.
I’ve always pursued some sort of spiritual or mystical connection. Some form of an illuminated string that kept begging me to unravel it and follow it. It has showed up in my life in many different ways.
In my twenties it morphed into my alter ego, 'Psychic Meghan'. Psychic Meghan came out after a few glasses of red wine. I used to say she was either 100% right or 100% wrong. I said that mostly to protect myself. But the times she was wrong, I was later told in private I was right, but that person couldn't confirm it publicly. I really had no technique for Psychic Meghan. I only read people who I felt called to. Loud souls, or those who I could hear calling out to me to deliver them a message. Psychic Meghan was a fun/ funny way I could play with my spirituality, my psychic connection but also hide behind it at the same time. She was a joke. A party favor. She was fun.
Until one day, someone begged me into a reading I didn't feel the need to give. I still remember the image that came forward for them. I mean I can barely remember what I ate for breakfast, but the image from this reading I remember. It involved a funeral and a goi ng home. There was lots of loss and sadness. A top a mountain in green fields. I didn't get a whole bunch of specifics, but I did share what I saw. The look of pain, horror and anger directed at me I will never forget. I kept apologizing and saying I was full of it. I was so hoping I was wrong. But I felt it. I felt so gutted. Fun party trick Psychic Meghan had let me down. Worse, hurt someone.
I retired Psychic Meghan. Shifted my focus more toward yoga and my spiritual studies. I became a yoga teacher and dug deep into spiritual philosophy.
As I evolved into my thirties, I found myself on a religious, spiritual quest. I had just moved to LA and was looking for some sort of spiritual home. I gave myself a mission to explore spiritual places all over LA to try and find a spot that resonated with me.
I started at a buddhist ashram in Mid City. I had been going to a Zen Buddhist temple in Chicago before I moved and I loved it and was hoping to find something similar. At first is was great. We meditated, chanted, spiritual talks, but less structure than what I was used to which I liked. Then there was a break where everyone went outside and smoked, bitched and come back in to talk. My mind was so distracted by the smell of smoke and negative energy in the bitching that I left and never went back.
Then next place I explored was yogic-esque in nature. The mission was to connect all main Christian religions and Krishna and Buddha. There was a beautiful garden there too, which appealed to me. As I pulled into the parking lot for the Sunday service, there were what looked like a bunch of Christian men in bad suits directing traffic. Felt almost culty. But I loved the idea of unity and was still excited to try it. As the packed church began service I heard the word Jesus like a million times with some Krishna's peppered in. No Buddha, no Mohammad, no anybody else. It felt like a catholic mass where you sing songs about Jesus and Krishna and everyone is staring at everyone else to see how evolved they looked in meditation as well as how much they gave during the taking up of alms. It was odd, but I liked the garden so I went a few more times before finally calling it quits. I wanted more spirituality, less religion. More unity, less dogma.
I then found Kabbalah. Kabbalah offered a new perspective, practical applicable advice and life lessons. I loved it. But after being strongly persuaded to buy a ridiculously large and heavy series of books for more than my rent cost, when I was already broke, I realized something. I don't read or speak Hebrew and am not famous or Jewish...so, next.
Rock and roll concert churches, Catholic Churches, hippy unitarian churches, everywhere. After not finding exactly what I was looking for, I came to a conclusion. I concluded what I kind of knew all along, nature is my church. So touching base with the mountains, the ocean, the woods, those were my spiritual home. The places I could get quiet and listen to my higher self. To the universal energy in nature what I believe we all call by the name, God. The only thing missing was community and accountability.
I continued my yoga practices and as I aged my intuition began to get stronger and more clear. I invited Psychic Meghan back into my life with some ground rules, although she loved her wine so that was non negotiable.
Dating. As I got older, trying to find the "one" proved difficult with my keen energetic and psychic affinities. My dreams would give me premonitions of how any potential relationship would go and usually unfold to the tee. This was fun and horrible, especially if I liked someone. So sometimes I listened to the messages and sometimes I didn't. But the messages were always on par. (Lots of golf references today...) I still remember the dream I had when I met my husband. Which over time now, feels pretty accurate.
I secretly loved this side of me, but was careful to take it too seriously in public. And especially if I was serious about wanting to be accepted. Get married. Have a "real life" I needed to calm it down. Drown it out or just bury it. At least that's what I thought I should or needed to do. So I did. To be "normal".
A decade or so later of burying my connection to my intuition and spirituality, I began not liking what I saw in the mirror. I had gained weight. Felt like a hypocrite because I, not psychic Meghan, loved my wine. I was no longer consistent with my practice. It was hard to justify being a yoga teacher when I felt so weighed down by my hiding. I was ashamed of who I was turning into. Life had changed. I didn't know how to incorporate mothering myself and mothering my children at the same time. My kids are amazing and the best gift ever in my life, but I was loosing touch with me. What I actually liked about myself. My intuitive super powers. My force. My connection.
I buried myself so deep - I wasn't sure how I was going to get back out. If there was an actual way back. First attempt was skincare and a positive motivating community. I learned a lot about growth, the power of community and accountability and drive in a community. I began to shift the soil under my feet, but it wasn't truly satisfying my soul. My spiritual self.
Then the pandemic...where the world stopped and offered everyone and everything on this earth a chance to redefine their connections. Their way of showing up, being, seeing each other and themselves. At least in my perspective.
This wasn't apparent to me at first. At first I continued the burying. The hiding. The pretending. The self sabotaging.
Then I found out about old friend who was running an intuitive workshop to gain tools to access your intuition and basically cultivate a technique. I immediately felt my soul perk up and scream!!!! YOU ARE DOING THIS! The course was already half way over, but I promised I'd catch up and begged to join the class. Luckily, my friend said yes and I did.
From the first meditation, I felt home. I got a taste of myself again. My self love and empowerment grew. I stopped drinking. I realized I don't need extra help feeling shame. Through Earth Magic Academy's courses I found a technique to connect to Psychic Meghan, whose name I have retired. I realized how empowering spiritual connection could be. It is a precious jewel.
I started following the illuminated string. It led me to readings, drawings of images I received, sharing the universal messages in writing. It's as if that class gave me the right prescription to see the light and string and follow it. I felt like myself again. I am frigin weird and I frigin love it. Not everybody understands me and that's ok. I've spend enough time being everything everyone else but me needed. The joy I get from helping others and directly connecting with spirit and intuition is like American Express: priceless.
So what the heck does this have to do with the image this week and message?
I think the reason I get so moved when I see this image, is because I see my growth. The pain I felt when I didn't allow the truth of me to boldly shine through. The gentle-precious-quiet-intuitive-self embraced and loved for what and who she truly is. I feel peace. I feel pain. I feel excitement and joy. And mostly I feel passionate about this message: Don't HIDE!
Who are you? What brings you joy? Where do you geek out? Just like vulnerability is our superpower, our truth is our torch. Our illuminated string guiding us on our path through this life. Sometimes we have to unpack a lot of layers to see it, feel it, or hear it. What is your truth? How can you live it more fully? Life is short. Illuminate your path with your superpower. Be You. Be free. Don't hide.
Big Buckets of Soul Baring Love,
Meghan