Yellow Paint, Real Change: How Accountability Turns Pain into Growth with Karen Goslin

What if your hardest moments weren’t dead ends but invitations? We sit down with therapist and author Karen Gosslin to map a clear path from pain to growth using her KG Accountable Therapy Method—an approach that pairs honest insight with next-day action. Karen reframes intuition as a “wise gut” that emerges when we quiet the wounded self and stop letting the inner judge call the shots. From there, we get specific about what to do tomorrow morning: the boundary to set, the thought to rewrite, and the behavior to practice so change stops being an idea and starts being a habit.

Karen opens Yellow Paint: Learning to Live Again and shows how core wounds form when early disruptions in trust, control, autonomy, worthiness, identity, and intimacy bend our beliefs about self and love. Those beliefs fuel three common patterns—fight, flight, and a sneaky hybrid—that quietly sabotage relationships, careers, and health. We dig into why “firing the judge” makes space for meaning in discomfort, how invitations to grow escalate if ignored, and how to catch the whisper before it becomes a wrecking ball. The conversation gets real on narcissism—overt and covert—rooted in worthiness injuries, the lure of love bombing, and why victims often carry passive-side wounds that need tending to stop the cycle.

We also talk about conscious parenting and modeling emotional health: kids mirror what we do, not what we say. Karen shares how the Yellow Paint audiobook weaves licensed music into each chapter and includes downloadable PDFs with charts, a CBT change pathway, and tools you can use as you listen. If you’re ready to stop repeating old patterns and start choosing what gets you closer to what you really want, this is your roadmap. Subscribe, share with a friend who needs it, and leave a review telling us the one belief you’re ready to rewrite.

Grab Karen's Book: Yellow Paint; Learning to Live Again and all her speaking engagements here: www.karengoslinspeaks.com

Explore Karen's Practice: www.karenrsw.com

Chapters

• 0:46 Meet Karen Gosslin
• 2:52 Defining Intuition As Wise Gut
• 5:35 Why Yellow Paint Was Written
• 8:53 The KG Accountable Therapy Method
• 12:12 Three Patterns: Fight, Flight, Hybrid
• 16:00 Core Wounds And Belief Shifts
• 20:15 Invitations To Grow And Wake-Ups
• 23:40 Fire The Inner Judge
• 27:28 Narcissism And Worthiness Development
• 33:24 Victims, Love Bombing, And Recovery
• 38:40 Turning Train Wrecks Into Action
• 42:36 Conscious Parenting And Modeling
• 45:20 Audiobook, Music, And Tools

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:30

Hello, welcome to Intuitive Insights. I am your host, intuitive, uh creativity, an intuition coach, an artist, an actor, Megan McDonough, lots of things. Every other week I come to you with either personal insights on intuition and or inspiring conversations about how to use intuition in your life and how it is part of our whole health system. So today I have with me Karen Gosslin. She founded KG and Associates, and Gosselin is passionate about guiding people toward clear transformation. She helps her clients learn to see pain, addiction, chronic illness, loss, and trauma as invitations towards change to ultimately own the glorious life they were searching for but believed was unattainable. Her work creates brave and honest spaces that enable the straight talk necessary for accountability and heals. Karen is also an author of the book uh Yellow Paint Learning to Live Again, which recently published in February 2025, and the audiobook just released at the Emmys, what, a couple weeks ago, right? Yeah, September. So that's brand new. And then we also have there is an addition to Karen's got a lot going on, guys. I'm not gonna lie here. So she started the KG Accountable Therapy Program, uh, or sorry, therapy method, correct? Which uh is from the book, and she is starting the yellow paint therapy program starting next year. Karen, welcome. My goodness. So much. Oh my gosh. I felt like that was a whole mouthful for you, but thank you for that invitation. I tripped over it a little bit, but you got a lot going on and you should be proud of it.

SPEAKER_01: 2:14

Had to get it all out, you know. You know, it's nice when you're like you're going about your day, and then somebody introduces you, like, yeah, that's right. I got that going on. I got that going on. You're like, oh yeah, I did all that stuff, huh?

SPEAKER_00: 2:24

So, Karen, okay, I have a couple of questions for you, and then we're just gonna rock and roll because I'm sure I have a lot of questions for you besides my two standard, which are how do you define intuition?

SPEAKER_01: 2:36

So, the working definition I use with clients on this is the wise gut that comes from our healthy self. We all have it, it is in our gut, and it's from our healthy self. Experiences in our life where we usually receive unconditional love and acknowledgement and validation and security. And when we indulge the noise in our head, where our wounded self lives, we either don't hear that gut, or if we hear it, we ignore it, override it, defend against it, argue with it. So the intuition is our wise gut because when we clear out the noise, we usually know what we need to do, what we really want to do, things that will actually get us closer to what we really want in life. So that's how that's my working definition. And the work I do helps clear out the noise, correct the noise, so that that channel between uh, you know, what we're thinking about and what we actually really need is clarified and the pathway is clear so we can actually access that intuition that is literally been waiting for us the whole time.

SPEAKER_00: 3:45

That's wonderful. I love that. And so, so I'm just gonna go in the next question I have, but you already answered it is how do you use it in your life? Apparently, you pull it into your into your therapy and your work. And so, having said that, what brought about this book, Yellow Paint?

SPEAKER_01: 3:59

Great, great question. So the short answer is that when I told my daughter, who was 27 at the time, the real story of my life, she looked right at me and said, Mom, you got to write the book. And I was already thinking about it, but it's like, okay, now I've spoken it. Now I've said it. Okay, now there's almost like no turning back, and I felt compelled to write the story. The longer answer is that I knew I had a short a story worth sharing. And it wasn't like there was anything really special about me. I was just free to advertise what a lot of us go through when we hit rock bottom, when we keep getting in our own way and sabotaging ourselves. And I knew that I had figured myself out, not just to overcome, you know, the immediate obstacles, but actually to build my dream life. And I'm proud of that. And I feel really strong about it. And it also informed the work that I was doing. I've been a psychotherapist for over 30 years. So it added to the work that I was already doing. So combined hearing a little bit about my story that my readers and listeners might identify with, but also talk to the world about the KG Accountable Therapy Method. Because if it worked for me and it's working for my clients, I know it's going to work for the readers and listeners.

SPEAKER_00: 5:13

Talk to me about that. What is the KG Accountable Therapy Method?

SPEAKER_01: 5:17

Yeah, I kind of say it's like a no BS therapist. You know, the bottom line is that when somebody hires me, usually it's been years in the making that that people will show up at my door or on my screen where they're in very painfully urgent situations where they've lost jobs or money or relationships or their health. Um, and so when somebody hires me because they want that change that they're needing, I take it very seriously. I just know it was this like this way for me, and I know for most people, we want change, we need change, and then we turn around and get in our own way of the very change we're needing. Change is harder than we would like it to be. So the accountable methods, whether we're dealing with, you know, present moment stressors and trigger reactions, or we're dealing with the deeper root causes of what is a constant feed that keeps bringing us back to the same painful spot, we want to know what we're gonna do differently when we wake up tomorrow morning. So, what I often say is it can't be just therapeutic conversations that feel good for a couple of hours and then float away. I know that in my own journey, and what means the most in my clients' journeys is that they know that specifically what they're gonna do when they wake up tomorrow morning. That accountability needs to be there in a very specific way. Otherwise, we will so easily revert back to ways of coping and thinking and feeling and doing that doesn't work for us.

SPEAKER_00: 6:47

Yeah. Yeah, accountability with action coupled with action. That's it. You got it. So, question on that is there's, you know, in your experience, personal and professional, have you found that there are some common uh ways that people stand in their own way, you know, that the listeners may recognize and kind of go, oh, crazy.

unknown: 7:09

Great question.

SPEAKER_01: 7:09

Yeah, that is a good question. So literally it falls into one of three clusters, or some people will combine those. I call it the, you know, the three-dimensional epe, you know, that sword that had different sides from the same core wound. There are core wounds throughout our emotional development that rest on trust, control, autonomy, worthiness, identity, and intimacy. Those are the emotional developmental goals that mean so much as we're growing up to reach adulthood where we want to create and maintain intimacy. When there are disruptions for life circumstances, relationships, traumas, losses, betrayals, health problems, family dysfunction, those developmental goals are easily disrupted, right? None of us really have perfect lives. But what happens based on birth order, gender, personality traits, we will either ride the aggressive side, the passive side, or the passive aggressive side of those wounds. And that will manifest in either fighting or flighting, or that passive aggressive kind of toxic mixture of both. So people will fight too hard, work too hard. That's what I did. Work too hard, try too hard, control too much, or shut down and flight and escape. Or in that passive aggressive, I might do a little bit of both. I'm not really that happy, but I'm not gonna tell you directly. So it really manifests in one of those three clusters. So you have the fight, the escape, and then what was the other one?

SPEAKER_00: 8:45

Sorry.

SPEAKER_01: 8:46

So yes, the fight, the flight, or the passive aggressive part of both.

SPEAKER_00: 8:50

Okay, so it's like a hybrid.

SPEAKER_01: 8:52

Right. Right. So the fight and the flight, and then the hybrid. Like I I want to fight with you, but I'm not going to. But I'm gonna give you like a little sprinkle of what I'm not happy about, but I'm not gonna stick around to resolve this with you.

SPEAKER_00: 9:04

Right. And you mentioned core wound. Can you speak to that a little bit more? Like what that might be or look like.

SPEAKER_01: 9:12

Sure. So whenever there's any disruptions in those major developmental life stages that I just mentioned, like from trust to intimacy, yeah. Right? And if it's significant enough that whatever painful happens, it will change our core beliefs. So develop core beliefs about self, others, life, and love. And when there's a painful experience that's significant enough, those will be altered in a negative way. I'm not good enough, you know, others can't be trusted, life is pointless, you know, love doesn't exist. So that is what creates a core wound because our core beliefs are altered in a negative way. And I should mention that there is the flip side as well, because when really great things happen, like I mentioned a few minutes ago, the unconditional love and those pieces and security and stability, then we develop core beliefs from our healthy self. So I am good enough, others love me, you know, life is an adventure, and you know, love is unconditional. So we really want to see, you know, we can all track back, and that's part of my job with clients and the readers is to help invite them through those developmental stages to understand what was happening for them. Did it go well or did it break you? And if so, how are those core beliefs altered? And then here's the really tricky part with a core wound is because when we internalize the negative, I'm not good enough, it kind of happens without us knowing. Like nobody sits you down and say, you know, okay, Megan, like this is really gonna hurt you. And from this experience, you're gonna determine you're not good enough. And then you're gonna apply that to other situations. Right. It just happens. And some of us wake up and we we realize consciously what's happened, but otherwise, it happens in the background. And that's the real danger of that core wound. Because without us knowing it, we've internalized it, we've generalized it, and now we project it onto our current situations. And that's why oftentimes there's like a slippery slope, a domino effect of one problem leading to usually more serious problems. So the book, you know, follow follows my seven invitations, seven big experiences that I had that I internalized negative core beliefs from that ultimately set me up to have more painful experiences happening until I figured it out.

SPEAKER_00: 11:42

So the seven invitations are those like emotional core wounds. Is that where that invitation would come from? Like, say, for instance, that like you mentioned, the trust, the love, security, safety, those kind of things. Right.

SPEAKER_01: 11:55

So the core wounds from the negative core beliefs we project onto our current life circumstances will create sabotaging situations and experiences. So those core wounds kind of come to the surface. So for me, it was in broken friendships, broken partnerships, interruptions in my career, then it affected my health, and then ultimately I lost my marriage. So each of these surfaced, you know, core wounds, experiences that were coming up, were coming up because of my internalized core wounds, because of my projection of my negative core beliefs. And until I woke up, I would just apply them. And then we're almost, I think a lot of us then we're almost confused about why did that go so wrong? Why am I sick? You know, or we blame other people, or we shame ourselves. When really, within every invitation to grow, when those core wound beliefs uh surface, it's an invitation. Yeah, I love that you say that. Yeah. I love the wound invitation. We will miss it. We will miss it because we will shame or blame or be confused or repress or suppress or intellectualize or medicate. The wound itself has a lot of dirty deals to get us through that period of time. And it will, if we're not waking up and the core in the wounded self is running the show, then it will be painful. You will see in the book that the invitations to grow, these life events that are giving us opportunities, they will get increasingly more serious because the universe is trying to tell us, listen. So for me, for example, I had a core wound of self-worth and control. And so I kept bumping up against that. I'm not good enough. I'm the fighter. I rode the aggressive side of the wound, and I kept pushing people away. And I'd be like, where's everybody going? What's wrong with everybody? And that all culminated in 2002. Husband says, I can't deal with this anymore. I even said in the first chapter, I'm a complete bitch to live with. I was sick. I had interruptions in my life, and I'm blaming everybody, you know, that's just what fighters do. So when he walked out, I was like, okay, this is now unbearable. And I did have a yellow paint moment that was quite literal. My parents were showing up to paint a room in my house the next day. It kind of gave me that interruption, but it was what I did with that interruption. And thank God I finally woke up, dropped the boxing gloves, could recreate and re, you know, re understand my history in a different way that informed me. And I had to go right back, and I helped quite go right back to the original wounding experience to understand why I was not feeling good enough. Why was I trying so hard to control everything? And what had I personalized that had nothing to do with me? And that's that's part of the wake up.

SPEAKER_00: 14:51

Absolutely. Yeah, as you were talking about that, I mean, I wrote down the invitations, seven invitations, because I just love that you call them that. I try, especially with my kids, you know, the word hard drives me crazy. When someone says, oh, but it's hard, I'm like, yeah, so what? Like maybe you should shift that word to something like hard to me says, oh there's a wall in front of my face and I can't do it. Hard to me says can't. Sure. Whereas challenging says, it's gonna be difficult, but I'm gonna try. I'm gonna get myself involved. Right. You know, there's no doubt that I'm gonna stop. Right. So every time something is challenging, it's an invitation for growth, right?

SPEAKER_01: 15:37

It is. It is there will be pain.

SPEAKER_00: 15:43

Yes, it is gonna be hard. Nothing in life is easy. Who told who told people this? Well, I mean, I remember my mom was making me saying life isn't fair, you know, and I was always kind of like, Well, screw you, that's a terrible thing to say to me. Yeah, you know? But I hear my kids saying it. I don't say life isn't fair to them, but I hear that it's not fair. And it's interesting to me that we come in with this it's like we all think somehow subconsciously that life should be fair. You know? And then as we grow up, we realize it's not. It's not fair fair, doesn't it, but it is. The fairness isn't everybody gets the same amount. The fairness is everybody gets the amount they need for the lessons they are learning in this life.

SPEAKER_01: 16:30

Yeah. See, when the judge is our highest, you know, our most common way of can of managing our vulnerability. So I teach people to fire the judge. So when we say it's not fair, that wasn't fair, you know, this is too hard, right? There's so much judgment in that, right? Yes, yes, the judges come in to help manage our vulnerability because whatever is on the other side of fair or hard, that is there for the taking, whether we feel like we can't do it, whether we felt like somebody stood in our way, we get we get stuck. And the judge goes, okay, great. So we've we've, you know, but it's black and white, it was fair, it's hard. And so now you don't have to feel so emotional. You don't have to mess around in the emotional messiness of it. Yeah. If you fire the judge and you actually look at what is in front of you without judging yourself or others or life, then you can hear what the meaning of that hardness is. But until you fire the judge, until you resist the wounded self, until you stop resenting the pain and actually reframe it and see something or someone or some piece of the universe is trying to tell you something, you will butt up against it and the fight is on. The fight is on. And if you don't figure it out now, that was fair, that was hard, unfair, that was hard, don't worry. Something else will be coming down the pipes because you're wrestling with some part of you that you're bringing from your past that is getting in your way.

SPEAKER_00: 18:01

Yes, absolutely. And the awareness is what you're you, you know, you is is bringing awareness to to the invitations.

SPEAKER_01: 18:09

That's right. As they come, you know, you know, um, you want to have those aha moments, like Oprah Winfrey once said, right? Because once you can because once I like once I got to my seventh and I literally couldn't take it anymore, which I think is pretty common, we will hit that wall. And, you know, those of us who stop long enough and dig deep, right, to understand what the common theme is, you know, even though different people, different situations, and yes, I would blame God, that's too hard, it's too unfair. You know, but when I stopped and looked at what was the common thread, and then I knew all the, you know, the uh the material around our developmental stages, I could trail back and clients and readers can do this. And I had very strict parents, and I had brothers that didn't want to include me in their play growing up because they were older than me and they were close in age to each other, but not to me. Um, and once I could realize that my fight really was about controlling the uncontrollable and somehow proving to myself and other people that I was good enough because I didn't feel good enough with my brothers, then I had that aha moment. Like, that's why I keep trying so hard, these perfectionistic tendencies to prove that I was worthy, you know? But I got sick from that. I lost relationships. So once you can identify the stage of development that was affected the most and what side of the wound you're riding on, you want to have those aha moments because you will just keep coming up against it.

SPEAKER_00: 19:42

Now I have a question for you, and I don't know if this is in your area of expertise or if you have an opinion on this or not. But as you were talking about these core wounds, I started to think about and how their opportunities or invitations to um grow uh or fight or hide or however you want to, however, you know, you choose, which path you choose, wrote down the word narcissist. And I am wondering what your thoughts are because. It feels as though societally and I this is something I've been talking with other parents about and just in general that the next generation, my kids' generation, they're afraid to fail. And they're afraid to try. And you know, and we're taking selfies all day. Do you know what I'm saying? So and and then we're also pumping them up with a lot of self-love. So all of those things kind of can be a beautiful framework for narcissism if not guided the right way, right? Now this is my thought. So you you're the professional, you talk to this. But my question is it's twofold. One, how do you see that in this? I mean, I feel like this process is perfect for this time because of that. Your uh, you know, yellow paint method or or yes. And then, but also is the narcissist the word awareness erode it right underneath. It's the narcissistic uh journey, one that has the core wound, but never aligns with the heel or healthy self, or how would you how would you speak to that? Right.

SPEAKER_01: 21:26

So the core belief of a narcissist is just my view of it, can either be I'm perfect or I'm not good enough. Because when when people indulge us, I'm not talking about just unconditional love, I'm talking over the top, indulge, where sometimes parents make children the center of the universe and you know, overgive them, overgive to them, over-indulge, where they can literally do no wrong and maybe over-rescue them, right?

SPEAKER_02: 21:57

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 21:58

And so the psyche, so at that developmental stage of worthiness, it's like, I am perfect. And it's like a capital E entitlement. I am entitled to everybody to kind of roll out the carpet for me and be at my back and call. And and it's and they they will start to experience negative consequences because outside of their family, if that's where the core wound started from, you know, the rest of the world doesn't operate like that. So it won't operate like that at school, where teachers, you know, attentions are divided. The most common manifestation I see of this is heterosexual couples and the wife becomes pregnant, and you know, they they delivered their firstborn, and the wife's attention is now divided between her husband and the children. And men who grew up either overentitled or were abandoned and rejected and feel inferior, because that's the other side of narcissism, right, will not be able to tolerate their sharing their wife's attention. So this is, I'm not saying this always happens. I'm just saying this is the more most classic version I see.

unknown: 23:07

Right.

SPEAKER_01: 23:08

And when attention is divided, when I'm not the center of the universe anymore, but that's what I grew up with. There's a very low tolerance for attention being divided. And this is, you know, a huge contributor to infidelity and marital breakdowns. Yes. So, in my view, narcissism can come from that worthiness stage where either you were indulged, like I just described, or the opposite, where somebody is continually made to feel inferior. And a lot of covert narcissism, for example, comes from that deep sense of inferiority. And so the wounded self comes in and goes, boy, do I have a deal for you. You're gonna make yourself the center of the universe. You're gonna make everything about you to try and medicate that deeper sense of inferiority. And that person will also get negative consequences. It can go for a long time. They create a long pathway of damage and collateral damage and hurt a lot of people. Um, and they can be, uh most experts will say they are the hardest to treat because they have internalized such a fixed view that they deserve things. It can be a personality disorder that is very pervasive throughout all parts of their life. They do character assassinations by anybody who challenges it. So it's it can be extremely hard to treat. But if your question is, at what stage does this occur? My opinion is it's during that stage of development when we're looking, we go out to the side, out of the world, and we're looking for our self-worth. And people will either indulge us or uh make us feel inferior. At extreme levels, that will create a narcissistic trait. At even more extreme levels, that will be the makings of a narcissistic personality disorder.

SPEAKER_00: 25:00

So the narcissistic trait, would that be in alignment with like covert narcissism?

SPEAKER_01: 25:03

Is that what you're covert narcissists are just a lot more open about it and covert um narcissists? It's uh it's harder to detect them because they aren't so blatant about their control and manipulation and dishonesty and blame and shame. It's quieter, it's more, it's it's still insiduous, but it's quieter, it's a quieter manipulation. Those are the people that we walk away from and go, Oh my gosh, I I think they just um you know criticized me, or I think they just overpowered me. Or yeah, I think they just dumbed me down, or I think they just stole my idea. Um just took over. And actually, I don't think people heard what I had to say.

SPEAKER_00: 25:44

Right, right. Okay, all right, that makes sense. So, okay, so then two more, and I know I'm not sure you wanted to talk about narcissism, but now that we're here, sure. Um it just seems to me that this framework that you've put forth would be because in my unprofessional experience, something happens to the narcissist, like you explained perfectly, and um they choose the path of fixed defense constantly. Right? And overcompensation, yeah. Overcompensation in one direction or another, right? That's right. But so and when you're talking about these core wounds and and and and working through them, but it would it does require awareness, right? Or the ability to be aware, or even the the notion to well, also on this, narcissists might think that they're aware and therefore not have to be aware. Is that correct?

SPEAKER_01: 26:38

So let me preface this by saying that I think the the the research I studied in my graduate degree was that narcissists will fire at least 13, on average, not not most, on average, 13 therapists. So they are the hardest to form a therapeutic alliance with, because often the transference and counter-transference in therapy, the narcissist brings that over-inflated ego from either being indulged or crushed. And they will, you know, as soon as, you know, a therapist makes any move in the direction that they may be contributing to some of the problems, right? They will fire the therapist like they cheated on their wife, like they fired their employee, you know. So they are very delicate. So there's also a saying in in the work that I do that says, um, the people are in therapy are because of the people in their lives that aren't in therapy. So what I see more often are the victims of the narcissist. Yeah, the children, right? Yeah, the partners, the employees, uh, the friends, yeah, right, that are so severely hurt by these people. And, you know, don't get me wrong, I will always meet with somebody who has narcissistic tendencies and I will give them the same, you know, I will show the same method. It is still about providing a very safe place, and with them, it has to be extra carefully planned. But regardless of whether you're a victim of a narcissist or showing narcissistic traits yourself, right? The cageing accountable therapy method creates a very safe place to be perfectly honest about what's going on for you, right? But I'm gonna be straightforward with you about what I think is happening and why. And there's a framework. So it just takes a long, a bit of a longer time with a narcissist because they're so narcissistically injured in the conversations, but it's still about the head in terms of helping them own how their narcissistic actions are actually hurting them. And yes, they're hurting others, but until they see how it's actually working against them, there's that. Yes, yes. So we look at that and we look at the strategies they need to put in place when either they feel like they are overentitled or they're in made to feel inferior. Um, you know, and at the same time look and get the deeper root causes. But more likely than not, I will see the victims the narcissist left behind.

SPEAKER_00: 29:15

Yeah, and to that, this your KG method is can help for that victim identify where their chink in their armor was that the narcissist linked into.

SPEAKER_01: 29:29

Correct. Yeah, you've hit on something very important because most of the time the narcissists are very good at finding people that are on the passive side of that worthiness wound. So the narcissist will ride the aggressive side, either overtly or covertly, and they will want to attract people in their life that are on the passive side of unworthiness, so that they can take full advantage of them, that they can have all the power that they want to have to prove the other person wrong. So the victim of the narcissist that's the same aha moment, those of us who who had an unworthiness wound, right, that detected that, um, they will feel rescued. Because remember, the narcissist will love bomb them.

SPEAKER_00: 30:18

Yes.

SPEAKER_01: 30:18

So the person on the passive side of the unworthiness wound will feel glorified, rescued, seen for the first time, understood. You know, the love bombing is real. So that narcissistic bond, so when I see the victim, it will be about understanding what's going on in their life now with the narcissist or after they've, you know, departed their life or whatever. But it's like when they're left behind. But then once we can ground the grief and betrayal, which is very important, and deal with uh have tools and strategies to manage present moment situations and triggers, it is ultimately about going back and saying, where else were you hurt? What caused the unworthiness? Why? Because these here and now strategies are key. But if the root causes aren't explored and reframed and having specific tools of how to manage that, you will turn around and go back into another relationship with a narcissist. You will rinse and repeat. That's the invitations to grow. So you know, you don't hear it with this person, you're gonna you have another chance with somebody else.

SPEAKER_00: 31:31

Yes. I was gonna say to that, also that there is a in yoga, there's a saying, a saying or idea that of the word samskara, samskara is like your your karmas, your the life lessons that you come into this world, you know, or you could call it like a tikkuna correction, you know, it's in Kabbalah. So so we are attracted to our or magnetized to our samskaras, meaning our chinks in our armor are magnetic to somebody else's similar chink in their armor. So it's basically what you were saying. That's right.

SPEAKER_01: 32:05

We will attract what we need, we will even provoke what we need. And if we're up for it, then it that is that intersection of the past and the present that we've contributed to recreating, that is our opportunity. And at that intersection, we either master the wound or we reinforce it. And if we reinforce it, then the next situation will come. Thematically similar, different players, different content and details, similar theme, and it's another chance. But if we we figure ourselves out at that intersection, then that's really you know where we grow and we master.

SPEAKER_00: 32:43

Yeah. Yeah, there's also a saying that I I use a lot, which is that um it's almost as if our soul prior to coming into this skin suit was like, I've got you know, some people have three lessons, other people have like volumes, you know, that they gotta get through in this lifetime. Yeah. And you kind of have to go, it's like a board game. You can all you can't go to lesson twelve at lesson two. You gotta go, you know what I mean? Right. And if you if you don't get lesson two, you know, first it starts like a whisper on the wind, you know, nice and gentle, and then it's like a little nudge. And then if you don't, then it's like a car crash and you're like, Jesus, what just happened? And then it's like, you know, it's now out of your hands. So the point is to when these invitations come up, when these little whispers on the wind come, hopefully you're open and aware enough to know how to make a shift. And that's what your it sounds to me like that's what your method is is doing and teaching and helping people with.

SPEAKER_01: 33:50

Well, it's it's my responsibility that when somebody comes to my door and they are in the middle of that train wreck, yeah, to offer a very compassionate space to help them understand not only the effects of what they're going through, but the reason for it. And not to blame them, because it's a common human condition that we keep getting in our own way. But it's like, where is all this coming from? It's not even about blaming the other people in the past that hurt them because they were imperfect too. But it's about broadening the story and deepening the narrative. And when that's all uncovered, right, then we then we can like almost like let go. Not like let go, like I don't want to talk about it, but let go of the fight or the flight. I it turns out that the attachment to it.

SPEAKER_00: 34:39

Yeah, that's right. That's right. So I don't have to see attachment. I I keep seeing this like the ball root, you know, when you're uh pulling weeds, and if you just pull the top of the weed, the damn thing comes back. That ball root and get it out of there, we're clean.

SPEAKER_01: 34:56

Yeah, you know, yeah, because otherwise it just sprouts up again, right? And it does. You know, um, so you know, some people not everybody are is ready at the time, but it's my job to kind of almost amplify it in a safe enough way that creates that motivation because you don't want to I I'll say to but you don't want to be back here in five years after your next divorce, after you've lost another job, after you're even more sick, you know. Right. Um, so it's about illuminating it in a way that is so self-compassionate that I don't have to blame myself or anybody else. I just have to recognize the story I've been living and the power behind that story and the opportunities that await me in terms of like how do I figure this out and what I can do differently.

SPEAKER_00: 35:45

It sounds like you offer you're like you're like the lens crafter, lens crafters for emotional, core, core emotional wounds. Yeah. Right. So you're like, here, try this prescription for that one. Try this prescription for that. Look at everything fresh, new, and different. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 36:02

Yeah. And I think it's because I just had such a dramatic journey through all of that. I was bedridden for two years with my illness. I mean, everything came to a halt. Like finally, my body said, okay, like if you're not going to figure this out, we're going to stop you, you know? Um, and so, you know, I I I had a dramatic turn where I went from being in bed for two years, where I lost my marriage, interrupted a career, and felt like I was losing my daughter. And then, you know, the interruption happened. I made use of the interruption and and and I didn't just like, okay, now I feel better. I can go back to work. It was like I just kept going. And like my friends will say, you have such a thirst for life. And I'm like, right, because once you get on the other side of that, there is so much uh that life can offer and to take full advantage of and really make the most out of every day. And I just have that power within me. And that's my commitment to my clients. Not that we all have to feel the same, but to feel the glory of life and to take steps every day that get you closer to what you really want rather than being tempted to do what you want that gets you farther away from what you really want. So there's just so many pieces to this. And that was really why I wrote the book, because I know if I could do it, that I could invite readers and listeners to finding their own yellow paint moments within these invitations to grow, within these wounded core beliefs. And so the book is full of like, you know, charts and appendices that help readers fill out their own, you know, life histories, figure out what they've internalized.

SPEAKER_00: 37:42

I love that. I was also thinking when you were saying that, I was like, they're like beautiful gifts wrapped in ugly wrapping paper. You know? You're like, I don't want to open that.

SPEAKER_01: 37:55

If you open it, this is a gorgeous gift. Yeah. The bulb of the bead and the ugly, you know, ugly paper with the beautiful gift inside. Yeah, yeah, you're great with the analogies.

SPEAKER_00: 38:05

I love it. Yeah, I just keep seeing these visuals. But uh, Karen, I gotta say, I love talking to you. I'm so excited for this. I feel a very strong movement for you forward with this work. It it feels like a gorgeous gift you're giving to humanity, period. And it feels like something we all need night right now.

SPEAKER_02: 38:23

You know, yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 38:24

I mean, our kids are learning SEL. We didn't all know that. But the issues we have with our kids honestly aren't because of them. They watch, repeat. I mean, they they don't listen, they watch. Yeah. So if we haven't taken our yellow paint moments and aligned ourselves properly, if we haven't taken the time to be aware, if we haven't opened up the ugly present with the gorgeous gift inside, that's right, we're not serving them as best we can.

SPEAKER_01: 38:53

Yeah, there's a whole chapter about conscious parenting. It's it's called Mothering Madeline, mothering myself, because my daughter's name was Madeline, but it's like this is one of those life transitions where we're raising children and we relive our childhood. So if there was ever a better chance to kind of raise awareness about what we experience, because we will feel resentful of our children, angry at our children, you know. Yeah, but yeah. It's like what's that? The war, like, what is that? So the consciousness is that out.

SPEAKER_00: 39:21

You know, it's so important. Absolutely. Absolutely. So, okay, the book is called Yellow Paint, Yellow Paint, Learning to Live Again. There it is. It's beautiful. I also want to say, um, as a mother and someone who juggles and drives a lot around town with the kids, I'm so excited about the audiobook. Yeah. So that's that's now offered anywhere. And do you have PDFs, downloadable PDFs for the work? Wonderful. Yes. Okay.

SPEAKER_01: 39:50

So we just launched the audiobook at the Emmys. I'm thrilled about the audiobook for three big reasons, right? Because I used a voice coach to learn how to narrate the book. Um beautiful voice. Well, it's a very different voice on the audiobook. Um, my trainer kind of helped me drop my octaves. So even my friends don't recognize my voice. You're like, yeah, this is good because it's my story. So, of course, me. Telling the story made sense. The book is written in first person. It's an invitation. So me speaking right to the listener, it's just so powerful. And the third reason I love the audiobook, almost more, I think, than the printed book, was because the chap each chapter invites the reader into a song. So you drop into the chapter through a lyric, a meaningful lyric that sets the tone of that chapter. And so when we use the production team down in Minnesota, and we got nine of the copyright licenses to the 12 songs that were in the book, we could load in the music. Oh, that's the music of each chapter behind the lyrics. Yeah, it's kind of like a yellow paint album. We do have a yellow paint playlist on Spotify. Yeah. I think it's Well, I love that. I'm going to look that up. Um, and the um you were asking about the PDF. So, yes, when you purchase the audiobook, whether it's on Audible, Amazon, or Apple Books, they're on all those platforms, you will have access to the downloadable PDF companions. That includes all of the references, the glossary, and then the four appendices that will go through your stages of development, the core belief, my CBT change pathway that I teach all clients on how to change their self-talk. Um, yeah. So it's all there. So people who are interested can actually download those and edit them as they listen to the book. So I think that's pretty exciting.

SPEAKER_00: 41:50

I love that. Um, and your website is uh tell me again.

SPEAKER_01: 41:54

It's yeah, so it's Karen GoslinSpeaks.com. That's the website for the book that gives you all the information where to buy the book, you know, my speaking engagements, where I'm speaking next. Um, and uh Karenrsw.com, KarenrsW.com, yeah, that's my website to my KG and Associates, the private practice. So you can we serve clients all over the world, in person and virtual, on different formats if people are interested in actually, you know, participating in a KG Accountable Therapy Method program. Um understand how they can stop getting in their own way and you know, finding it.

SPEAKER_00: 42:32

And so they can be uh stay aware of the yellow paint therapy program starting launching next year. Correct.

SPEAKER_01: 42:37

Right. So we are going to make an e-therapy program in online format uh beyond the book to participate in online yellow paint therapy in a different way than on a one-on-one basis. Or yeah, we're still kind of working out how we'll do that, but I want to make it accessible to people who just maybe want to do the therapy from the privacy of their own home at their own pace and still take advantage of the skills and tools.

SPEAKER_00: 43:05

I love that. And I have to say, I have a saying um that is vulnerability is our superpower, and when we share it, we not only um empower ourselves, but we empower others to share theirs as well. So thank you so much for sharing your vulnerability with me today. Thank you for having me. Thank you for all the I'm so excited for this book. I can't wait. This is very exciting. And Karen, everyone, Karen is all over giving major talks. Check out her website and you hopefully you'll find a place near you where she is coming to give a talk or some kind of workshop.

SPEAKER_01: 43:39

And yeah, yeah, we're we're we're we're you know, spreading the yellow paint movement, um, spreading the word, trying to reach as many people as possible that can benefit. You know, I personally think we all benefit from that higher level of awareness, but my passion is about knowing what you're going to do differently, not just like um an idea about it, but something very specific. And once we tease that out and you know what that is, then you can be really accountable to yourself. Because if I if I know or I have a general idea, but then I don't really know how to execute that, you know, and then the wound itself is saying, yeah, don't bother. Yeah, it's not gonna change, nothing's gonna get better.

SPEAKER_00: 44:20

Actionable accountability. You got it. You got it. Thank you so much, Karen. I just enjoyed talking to you today and uh hope to talk to you again soon.

SPEAKER_01: 44:29

Thank you so much for having me, Megan. I hope this was useful for your listeners.

SPEAKER_00: 44:34

It was very useful for me. All right, have a great day. We'll talk to you soon. See you in a few days.