What If Dad Really Is Destiny

A lot of men carry a quiet ache they can’t quite name, then spend decades trying to outrun it with work, wins, and willpower. On this Father’s Day, we sit with that ache head-on: the father wound, the craving for approval, and the lifelong impact of a dad who is physically present but emotionally absent. We don’t treat it like a psychology trend or a sentimental story. We treat it like spiritual warfare in the heart, because what happens with dad often shows up everywhere else.  

My guest, Buddy Griffin, is known around the world for his music and his leadership, but he tells a deeply personal story about growing up with a hard father who never hugged him, never affirmed him, and never said the words he needed. A moment from Robert Lewis’ Better Man teaching forces Buddy to face one brutal question: will he someday stand at a casket with everything still unresolved? That question leads to action and to an awkward first visit in a retirement center where Buddy asks directly for love and a hug and keeps coming back until the dam finally breaks.  

We also talk about what to do when your father is already gone, how forgiveness can start with honesty, and why reconciliation changes not only a man’s peace but his parenting, marriage, and drive. If you’ve ever felt fueled by pressure but starved for approval, this conversation offers a clear path forward.  

Subscribe, share this with a friend who needs it, and leave a review. What’s one conversation you know you’ve been putting off?

Chapter Markers

• 0:00
• Welcome To The Inner Fight
• 0:35
• Father’s Day And Why Dads Matter
• 3:00
• Growing Up Without Warmth At Home
• 4:43
• The Photo That Forced The Question
• 8:45
• Asking For Love And A Hug
• 12:58
• Final Words In The ICU
• 16:12
• Taking Other Men To The Grave
• 20:55
• Forgiveness, Action, And Closing Poem

Visit www.thesavagepath.com for more on David, his book The Savage Path: A Memoir of Modern Masculinity, and the Savage Path Ministries Corp.

Transcript

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Welcome To The Inner Fight

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome to Wrestling with the Inner Man. Because the first fight we face each and every day is a fight with our own flesh. Do we listen to our selfish, sinful nature or to our divine nature guided by the Holy Spirit? Your host, David Savage, is a product of the West Texas Desert and Energy Industry. His desire is to inspire and help other men win spiritual warfare. We hope you're ready to rumble because wrestling with the inner man begins now.

SPEAKER_02 0:34

Good

Father’s Day And Why Dads Matter

SPEAKER_02 0:35

evening, WWM listeners, and happy Father's Day to every dad out there. I know people have different feelings about this day because they have different relationships with their fathers. So I'd like to begin the show with a quote that I love from Dave Blankenhorn. And he says, As a father, the good family man is not perfect, but he is good enough to be irreplaceable. That bears repeating. As a father, the good family man is not perfect, but he is good enough to be irreplaceable. He is a father on the premises. He knows that nothing can substitute for him nothing. He would never consider himself not that important to his children. He is, in fact, essential. So you don't have to be perfect. You just have to be the guy on the premises, and you are essential to all of your children. And whether we like it or not, for almost every young man out there, dad is destiny. So we all have a very wide variety of experiences with or regrettably without our fathers. It can be a sensitive topic. And today I have a very special guest on the show who is willing to walk on this sacred ground with us and discuss his own experience and finally gaining the love he so desperately needed from his father. Buddy Griffin is famously known as the man with the banjo, having performed the world over and been inducted into the American Banjo Hall of Fame. He was also awarded with the prestigious Jack Canine Award in recognition of his promotion, teaching, and advancement of fretted strings instrument. He has been a pastor for 50 years in some of the largest churches around the Houston area, and one of my favorite uh attributes that he has, he's a tremendous bass fisherman. But most importantly, he's my very dear friend. Buddy Griffin, welcome to Wrestling with the Inner Man. Thank you, Dave. Really looking forward to being with you today. Super. So, buddy, you know the name of the show, and this topic is one of the most prolific wrestling matches men face in every corner of the world, every country, every language. And in the Old Testament, the significance of the Father's blessing cannot be overstated. Why don't give our listeners a little background on the relationship you had with your own father?

Growing Up Without Warmth At Home

SPEAKER_00 3:00

Well, uh, my daddy was a product of the all fields. He was uh grew up with the greatest generation, very hard man, uh, very dedicated to his job, just like characteristic of that generation. Very tough. He uh uh I didn't know what it was to have a dad. My dad used to beat me up all the time, and he never hugged me, he never kissed me, he never said anything good to me. Of course, I I didn't know that wasn't normal, you know, and uh so I had I did everything I could to get out of the house. So I played all four sports in high sch uh middle school, high school, I played basketball at U of H. I played eleven years of semi-pro ball, and then music came into my life. And that's the one thing my dad could never say anything good or bad about. And I could hide in that. And that's how I'd I began to develop a passion to play music, but I did everything I could to stay away from my father because it was such a dark, dank thing. Now, my mother, on the other hand, was just the opposite. I would if she was there, I'd stay in the house. And you know, I don't want I don't want I don't want to throw rocks at my dad. He raised me that way because that's the way he was raised. Right. Right.

SPEAKER_02 4:20

So you and I became uh connected just this year through a common relationship with Robert Lewis, founder of Men's Fraternity, which is now known as the Better Man Program, or Movement, I believe is what they call it. So why don't you tell our listeners about how you came to hear him speak back in March of 2005 at University Baptist Church and what happened to you that day?

The Photo That Forced The Question

SPEAKER_00 4:43

Okay, I was uh running a uh family retreat, and uh we had a very intellectual NASA PhD that went to that, and he was telling me about this guy, this Robert Lewis guy, and he's taking this course called uh men's fraternity and all that, and I was amazed at how excited he was because he never got excited about anything. And he said, We're having this uh meeting uh down at the University Baptist Church. Why don't you come down there on the morning? They have a good breakfast, and the guy that wrote the book's gonna be there. So I went down there and not really knowing what it was, but my position in the church was I needed to know all kinds of programming because maybe we could incorporate it in the church if it, you know, but I didn't know a thing about Robert Lewis or men's fraternity. So I went down there and he was speaking, and uh he uh s uh uh showed a picture on the wall, and it was him with his three boys, but he was in the shadow. You could just barely see his sleeves rolled up, his three sons. This is probably they're in their late teens. Right, and this is Robert's dad. Yeah, it's Robert's dad in the background. Robert Robert's a boy in the photo. Yeah, he's in the front. And he says, See, that's my dad. And you can't see my dad. He's there, but you can kind of see it. He said, That's the way we grew up. He was there, but he really wasn't my dad. So he spoke and it was good, you know, and I'm listening to it. And so they had a break. And uh I went up to the table, this way God works, all right. Just me and Robert Lewis, and I said, Hey, he introduced myself, and I said, uh, that that picture really bothered me. And I don't even know why I said that, but it it had an emotional response looking at that picture because I said, That's the way my dad was. And he uh asked me, he says, Is your dad alive? I said, Yeah, he's in a uh retirement center. And he said, Um, do you love him? I said, Yeah, I guess does he love you? Uh and he started asking me questions that really bothered me. And he said, I bet you have a father when I had no idea what that was. And he said, Um, this is what I nearly croaked when he told me this. He said, Are you gonna stand by that casket one day and look in there and have all these unresolved problems and you can't solve them? That really bothered me. I said, Well, what do you want me to do? I was kind of hacked off. And he said, Well, you need to go talk to him about it. I was never just like he I did everything I could to stay away from him. And uh he said, Go. I said, What he said, what are you gonna do about it? I said, I'm gonna pray about it. He said, Don't give me that. That's a church answer. What are you gonna if you're gonna be a man, you've got to take action. And I didn't have any I had no idea what the biblical definition of a man was or any of that kind of stuff at that time. And so uh he said, uh, you need to go see him. And I said, Okay, I might do that. Anyway, I shook his hand afterward I came out. I said, you know, thank you. That really bothered me. He said, Look, you got the father who I can tell by just what you've said. You need to do something about it. So the exactly a week from there, I was one of the senior pastors at a big church, and I had a counseling session, uh, one of those sessions you don't want you don't want to have. We were gonna have to ask this couple to leave the church because of the theology was uh contrary to what the scripture was teaching, and you know, they had recordings, it was just a mess. And so I asked a friend of mine that's a professional counselor to come in and sit in there, and we're supposed to go from 10 to 12. So I had to I had to solve the problem. So we all prayed up, and so we get a call, and it's this couple and said, Look, uh, we're not coming in, uh, we're going to another church. So I had two hours. And this my friend is a PhD in counseling, and I said, Hey, you know, I met this guy named Robert Lewis, and would you go with me now? I got two hours. I can go talk to my dad. He said, Man, you need to do that. You know, he had way bigger insight than I did.

Asking For Love And A Hug

SPEAKER_00 8:45

So I get in the car, I start driving over there, and twice I pulled over to turn around and come back. Wow. And he said, No, you're going. And I I and then I said, Why am I doing this? So we drive up there, I get up, go to his room, and I'm I'm really shaken inside because you know, uh, I didn't know it would be so emotional. So I walked in and I knew he was going to be there. And uh he was 95 at this time. And I said, Dad, I need to talk to you. What do you want? I said, I want you never told me you love me. I want you to tell me you love me. He said, I love everybody. I said, Dad, I want you to tell me. And he kind of mumbled it. And I felt I don't know why, but I just felt so relieved. And then I said, Dad, you've never hugged me that I can remember in my life. Would you hug me? He said, Men don't hug. I said, Dad, I need you to hug me. So he put his arm side by side like this. And he gave me a hug and he said, I'm leaving. Well, he's in a retirement, so where is he going? He walks out the door, and my heart is beating so fast. And I said, Dad, I'm coming back, and every time I see you, we're gonna do this. And I was over there at least once a week, at least once a week, because I was a caretaker of my sister's out of town, and I was take it was taking care of all that. Well, man. I began to go over there every week. And every time it got better. And uh on the eighth trip I walked in and he said, buddy, come here. He grabbed me and hugged me, and he was crying. He said, Son, I d I do love you. And I do love you. And the damn broke. I was crying, he was crying, he apologized, he said, I just I just didn't know how to be a dad, you know. And I'm thinking, Is this real? Well it I cannot tell you how good it got. And so I'd go over there and see him, and he would take my hand in one of his hands and hold it and rub the back of my hand and talk to me the whole time. And I had a dad after sixty years. And we had a relationship, it got better. It was so easy. He was telling me he loved me, he apologized, I said, Dad, you don't have to apologize. You did what you thought you were doing and was right, and you're a great man, and I love you. And in that uh time we grew so close, and I began to realize what the father wound was, but I was healed.

SPEAKER_02 11:25

Well, that's a very emotional story, and I can tell, and I know you've told it a lot. But gentlemen, if you're listening out there and you have a father like this, and there are many of you that do, have the courage, you know. Don't pull over to the side of the road and turn around. You gotta have someone go with you. I don't know what role you would call that person, but just someone who's there who loves and cares about you is kind of like, no, come on, I'm going with you. But it it must have been uh it mustn't have been easy to be directly challenged by Robert Lewis, you know, when you're sitting there at that meeting, he goes, Well, what are you gonna do about it? And then, you know, that is the church answer. Well, I'm gonna pray about it. And it's like, no. What does a man do? You know, and I think the way he challenged you with, are you gonna sit there at the side of that casket and then just carry all that unresolved, you know, whatever that bag of horrible emotions is your whole remainder of your life, because you can't resolve it once they're gone. So uh, you know, we're I mean it's it's scary. And uh you know, so you did it. You know, you went with a Christian brother in a supporting role, which can't be overstated, to ask your dad for something that you've always desperately wanted from him. And it was awkward, but it got easier with every visit, right? Yeah, and I didn't even know I needed it. So what's the what's the takeaway for our audience here? I I think it's like it's never too late, right? Because how old were you at that time?

SPEAKER_00 12:47

Uh sixty uh You're like sixty. I'm in my sixties. It was sixty years when we got healed, okay.

Final Words In The ICU

SPEAKER_00 12:58

And what happened is uh his health began to decline, so we had to make a decision and we put him in a different facility, and uh was over there, and I'd go see him every day, and he would he would brag on me. He'd say, This is my son Buddy, he plays banjo, and he he'd talk to him about when I played in high school. He was so proud of me, but he had never said anything, never came to my ball games. I scored 49 points in a high school basketball game, and I got berated when I got home because I didn't get 50. I could never I hated him. I didn't know I hated him.

SPEAKER_02 13:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:33

You know, I didn't want to be around him, I didn't want to talk to him, but I was the caregiver. I was telling him his finances and well when we put him in that other place, we got a call. Uh they called me and they said uh my dad was 97 at that time. They said, uh, by the way, we had two nurses over there that were the greatest Christian ladies. And they said, We're gonna take care of your dad. So we had him over there, and I'd go over there again, you know, see him and all that type of stuff. And they called and said, Your dad's had a real change in his health, and we're taking him to the hospital. Uh uh Why don't you go over there? And so by the time I got there they had him in the emergency room, and uh they said, Look, he's got double pneumonia, and he said there's no treatment he could t take. He couldn't take the treatment. And he he's he's probably not gonna make it. And so uh they put him uh I called my sister, they want to put him in the ICU uh uh immediately. And so we did. And he stayed there uh sixteen days, and I'd go over there at least two or three times a week to see him. He just laid on his back, hadn't said a word. And then uh I got a call sixteen days later, and they said uh remember we hadn't said a word. Okay. Right. And we were coming back from church on a Wednesday night, pulled the car in there, went up there to see him. I walked in there, uh, went to the nurses first. By the way, those ICU nurses are angels. Right. They have my sister happens to be one by the way. Oh, I'll tell you that they are so wonderful people. And I walked in there and he's laying on his back just like he was every day. I reached over and rubbed his head and kissed him on the forehead and said, I love you, Dad. And uh he said, Buddy, I love you too, son. And my wife was there. I thought I imagined it, and she said, Did you hear that? And I said, and we started praising the Lord and right on that and hugged him, never said another word. Took her hand, walked to the car, and I said, Sandy, he's gonna die tomorrow. I just know it. I call it a holy hunch. I just get this impression. Well, they call me at church I was at church and they said, You you need to come over here to your dad's uh probably not gonna make it much longer. Drove like crazy, got there, and I was holding his hand at 3 07 when he took his last breath. And it was a glorious thing. I was so proud for him to get away from all those tubes and drugs and and about uh ten days later I did his memorial service. I'm so proud of my dad, I love my dad, and I got healed of the father will which I went to my pastor at that time, I said,

Taking Other Men To The Grave

SPEAKER_00 16:12

Brother John, something's happened to me, and this church is full of men. I know they have the same thing. I said, We need to start a men's ministry. Well, I won't give you the whole story, but I was thinking if we could get 50 guys there, it'd be great. We had over 500.

SPEAKER_02 16:24

Right, and and so that's where you and I have this overlap, you know, this quest for authentic manhood, you know, was the the name of that 26-week program at the time under men's fraternity, and then the product at the end of it was to actually write, you know, your personal manhood plan. I went through that in 2005, uh had this, you know, I had a good relationship with my dad, but I wrote him a poem. I went, you know, then he died in 2006. And uh, in fact, while I was away at a retreat that Robert Lewis was heading, you know, the Christ and the Tetons with my stepson. And so uh just getting that reconciliation is so huge. And and so you led this series at Sagemont over the next several years. So what what did you tell other men about the father wound when they said their fathers were already deceased?

SPEAKER_00 17:11

Well, I cannot tell you how many men I've driven to the cemetery, if they're here in Houston. And I was waiting in the car, I'd say, go over there, apologize to him, tell him what you want. I'd have them write it out. And I saw the most timid, passive men turn into animals standing over the grave. Some of 'em were uh forgiving their father because they had not reconciled, but others were so much in love with their dads because they had reconciled. And uh I they would write it out and uh then we would burn the letter, pray, and burn the letter. I don't know how many and how I can I cannot tell you how many men would come up to me after they go through that and realize they got a son that they haven't talked spoken to and we would where does he live? He lives in Dallas. I called the son, I said, Look, your dad's made a big change, he wants to be with you, take him to Hobby Airport, and just like a movie, you see them run towards each other and forgive each other and reconcile and love each other. Families got better. And one of the things, one of the products of having the father wound is I was so driven. You know, I I I I I just anything I'm gonna I'm gonna beat you. You tell me you're gonna beat me shooting baskets, no you're not. Because see, that's how I got my pats on the back. I had to prove, and all the time all those actions were dad, love me. Give me some support, dad. Well, after I we reconciled it and all that, I didn't care. I didn't care if you could beat me.

SPEAKER_02 18:46

Yeah, there's there's a lot of uh stories of like Uber successful, but Ted Turner's a good example, you know. I mean, because he had this similar father relationship, and you know, he's like, Well, I'll be so good, you know, you're and you're always striving for that. You know, 49 points isn't enough. You know, uh I was listening to this Jocko podcast, and this guy's like a Navy SEAL and he's done all this stuff, and he he has this great podcast, and he he wrote this book, and then he calls his parents who's excited when they say, Hey, we just hit the New York Times bestseller list. And it was like, Well, yeah, it's not whether you hit the list or not, it's how long you stay on it. You're just like, Oh, thanks, Mom, Dad, you know, it's just like you know, it's so funny how people admire that guy and hero worship that guy and everything, but you know, the one person that you need the affirming word from that you can't get it. And uh, and it is, it really does drive a lot of people in in in you know, negative ways because it it's it's empty. It's like the the pirates of the Caribbean, you know, they can never slack that thirst, you know, it's a curse.

SPEAKER_00 19:44

Yeah, well see, every boy asks this question. Dad walks out of the house, there's a little boy with a football out there, and he says, Dad, watch. So he throws it or kicks it, might not be able to, maybe seven or eight years old. What he is doing, he wants his dad to say, Son, I'm so proud of you. You're really gonna be a great football player. The girl, now if he doesn't get that attention from his dad, he'll get it from somewhere else. A girl will put on a dress and say, Daddy, look, I'm a princess. You know how those spin around and she wants to say, honey, you're beautiful and worth fighting for. And here's the scary part. She has to have that to live and be fulfilled in her life emotionally. And if she doesn't get it from her dad, she'll find some other guy that'll give it to her. And sometimes it can be tried.

SPEAKER_02 20:31

Right, right. Yeah, it it it works for both ways. And we're certainly not uh underestimating or undervaluing, you know, the importance of a dad and a daughter's relationship. And I have a very good relationship with my daughter, and and you see a lot of that acting out as well, you know, where they have uh promiscuity because they aren't getting the affection and the attention that they need. So dads, you know, uh going back to that quote I said at the beginning, you know,

Forgiveness, Action, And Closing Poem

SPEAKER_02 20:55

you don't have to be perfect, you just have to be the guy on the premises and and and you know, to you are irreplaceable to your children. So, buddy, you know what what closing thoughts or conclusions, you know, do you have for our listeners as Father's Day?

SPEAKER_00 21:13

Well, I'm an old man, I'm 81, and I don't have a dad. I did only for a few years. I had a dad physically, but those were the greatest years, and people would say to me, You sure have changed, buddy. I wasn't so driven, I wasn't so hellbent to be number one, and it's fine. And my wife, thank God for my wife, by the way, this month we celebrate 59 years. Wow. And she's everything I wasn't spiritually. She understood that stuff. And you know, we had to uh I've seen men change, I've seen uh uh when they that wound hurts, and you've got to deal with it. And so there the ways to do it, and the way it starts with is forgiveness. And it's just exactly what the Bible teaches. You know, love God, ask him to direct you, but you need a little help to how do you how do you how do you heal the father wound? But the one thing I would want anyone to know it's never too late. Some of you guys listen to this, probably have a son you haven't spoken to or someone in your family, you've had a big falling out. They're still your son. Do everything in the world. And you know, and I took some bad habits into fathering growing up. And I I paid the results with my son. We're fine now.

SPEAKER_02 22:34

But Well, I and I I just want to echo that, you know, as well. And so uh it's never too late, and do it today. You know, don't put it off, don't procrastinate because he may not be there tomorrow. Uh so you know, speaking of uh of loss, you know, we have people that have uh issues when their homes are destroyed by water damage or other things, and you know, when all seems lost, remember there are people and companies like Prism Specialties in the restoration business, like buddies restoring these relationships with all those men that he took to the cemetery. I think that's what an honor to be uh in that role. But whether it's your electronics, textiles, or artwork that may have been damaged, Prism can help you restore and recover those valuables. And uh please email us at wrestlingwiththeinterman at gmail.com to offer input, suggestions, or feedback on any of our programs. And I'd like to close with one of my favorite poems, and it's by an unknown Arthur, and it's called the Sculptor. I took a piece of plastic clay and idly fashioned it one day, and as my fingers pressed it still, it bent and yielded to my will. I came again when days were past, the bit of clay was hard at last, the form I gave it still it bore, but I could change that form no more. Then I took a piece of living clay and gently formed it day by day, and molded with my power and art a young child's soft and yielding heart. I came again when years were gone, it was a man I looked upon. He still that early impress bore, and I could change it nevermore. God bless y'all and happy Father.

SPEAKER_01 24:14

Thanks for listening to Wrestling with the Interman with David Staffage. We believe the winners of this ring courageously follow God's word, loves and protects God's women, excels at God's work, and betters God's will with his children. For information, reach out to David at DavidAddicts at SavagePath.com. That's David Addison at the SavagePath.com or visit his website, thesavagepath.com. Tune in next time as Wrestling with the Interman tackles more tough topics to train up a generation of better men.