Ep. 84 3 Effective Strategies to Overcome Family Disagreements & Stress when Navigating Your Child's Mental, Social, Intellectual and Physical Differences

Ep. 84 3 Effective Strategies to Overcome Family Disagreements when Navigating Your Child's Mental, Social, Intellectual and Physical Differences

 Do family disagreements over your child's needs feel overwhelming? When you're not aligned with your co-parent or child on how to handle mental, social, learning, or physical differences, finding peace can seem impossible.

 This episode is designed to help you manage these tough family moments by giving you practical steps to lower the tension and move forward—together. If you've ever felt stuck, frustrated, or unsure how to bring everyone to the same page, you're not alone. The tools in this episode can help you create calm in your home and guide your child more effectively.

 In this episode you'll learn:

1. A proven three-step process to navigate family disagreements with empathy and understanding.

2. How to use curiosity as a powerful tool to build deeper family connections.

3. Techniques to ensure everyone has the time and space they need to get aligned and move forward as a team.

 Press play now to discover how you can turn family conflict into an opportunity for growth, understanding, and unity.

 Check out Ep. 83 Mastering the Seven-Stage Path: Reducing Anxiety and Boosting Strategies for Families Navigating a Child’s Physical, Mental Learning or Social Challenges. 

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About the Host: 

MJ Murray Vachon, LCSW, is a seasoned clinician, educator, and host of the podcast Creating Midlife Calm, recognized by Maria Shriver as a “Listen of the Week.” Over the past 40 years, MJ has led more than 50,000 therapy sessions and developed the Inner Challenge mental wellness program and the Inner Challenge Master Class, practical tools for emotional regulation, self-awareness, and resilience taught for more than 30 years in junior high schools and at the University of Notre Dame for freshman football players. Through her podcast, teaching, and coaching, MJ helps people build calmer lives, stronger relationships, and healthier communities.

Creating Midlife Calm is a podcast designed to guide you through the challenges of midlife, tackling issues like anxiety, low self-esteem, feeling unworthy, procrastination, and isolation, while offering strategies for improving relationships, family support, emotional wellbeing, mental wellness, and parenting, with a focus on mindfulness, stress management, coping skills, and personal growth to stop rumination, overthinking, and increase confidence through self-care, emotional healing, and mental health support. 

Transcript

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MJ Murray Vachon LCSW (2) 0:05

it sounds easy to walk away, but trust me, from my own experience, It is not easy. Welcome to Creating Midlife Calm, a podcast dedicated to empowering midlife minds to overcome anxiety, stop feeling like crap and become more present with your family, all while achieving greater success at work. I'm MJ Murray Vachon, a licensed clinical social worker with over 48, 000 hours of therapy sessions and 31 years of experience teaching mental wellness. Welcome back to the podcast. It's Thursday, which means I follow up on the Inner Challenge Insights we discussed in Episode 82 on Monday. Today, we'll explore a three step process for handling situations when you, your co parent, or your child are not aligned on how to navigate the challenges or interventions posed by your child's mental, social, learning, or physical differences. Let me start with the obvious. The goal of this podcast is to help you create calm. When you're thinking, my child is struggling. We need to figure this out and your co parent, significant caregivers or child are not in sync with you. Calm is likely the last thing on your mind. I've seen this situation so many times in my office. I want to share with you a three step process to help you move forward when you and your loved ones aren't on the same page. Step one, start by recognizing that the person you see as blocking progress, whether it's your spouse, co parent, or child, is not you. This may sound obvious, this may sound simple, but it does explain why they might be in a different place than you are. Yes, life would be a lot easier if everyone were like us, but they're not. So, the first thing that you can do is accept, of course they have a different perspective, of course they have a different pacing. Once you do that, you can move on to the second step. Step two, go back to the skill I talked about on Monday. If you haven't listened to episode 83 yet, feel free to dive into that first. In episode 83, I recommend taking a rest stop once an assessment has been completed, in order to make sure everyone understands the diagnosis and how to proceed. If you remember step one, your loved ones aren't you, so it's not unusual for people to have differences. Sometimes these differences lead to arguments and withdrawal. See, this is normal. This process is scary. It's filled with a lot of emotions and a lot of uncertainty. Take a rest stop and let things calm down a bit. Then go to your loved ones and be curious. Say something like, I think I've been a poor listener. I think I was so set on moving forward and getting on top of this that I didn't really stop and hear your point of view. I really want you to explain to me what your ideas and concerns are. if it's your child who has resistance, I recommend doing the same thing. Use the magic wand of curiosity and say to your child, I think I've been a poor listener. Can you help me understand why you don't want to take medicine, you don't want to go to tutoring, or you don't want to wear hearing aids? Once they give you an answer, thank them for helping you understand and walk away. Yes, walk away without sharing your point of view. Walk away without getting into a back and forth about how they don't understand the situation accurately. Wow, it sounds easy to walk away, but trust me, from my own experience, It is not easy. You might be thinking, we don't have time for this. Trust me, you really do. What feels urgent to you may not feel urgent to others. And often, the truth lies somewhere in the middle. Now, you can go to step three. Write down what your loved one said, and sit with it for a week. Most issues our children face can wait a week, especially if that waiting allows everyone to get on the same page and work together. During the week, contemplate your loved one's perspective and assume there's truth in it that needs to be considered. Healthy family life is about navigating differences to find the middle ground, and that's even more important when helping children with unique challenges. If you can sit with their concerns and take them seriously, I assure you that your family will not only become more of a team, but the new information and deeper understanding gained will help your child face their challenges more successfully. Let me give you an example. A few years ago, I worked with a 13 year old who refused to take the medication needed for severe depression. He was concerned it would change his personality, particularly his artistic abilities. His dad reached out to me for a consult. I advised him to approach his son with curiosity. Hey son, can you help me understand why you don't want to take this medicine? The son explained that a friend of his parents won't let him take medicine for his ADHD because they feared it would change his personality. The dad thanked him and walked away. A few days later, the son said to the dad, Hey dad, is my friend right? I'm not kidding you. This happens a lot. Say nothing. And your child may eventually ask questions about their own resistance. The dad, who I had prepped for this moment, replied, I don't know, son. I'm your dad. Not a doctor. We have an appointment this week and let's ask your doctor. The doctor did a great job explaining the brain and the medication and that little bit of information made all the difference. Often when people aren't on the same page, they need more time emotionally to adjust or they need more information. One caveat, another common reason people resist is that they faced a similar challenge as a child and they didn't receive treatment, yet they turned out fine. This is a very valid reason and one that should be seriously discussed with the professionals you're working with. Ask them, Hey, if my spouse turned out fine, why should we go through the time and expense of treating our child? In this episode, I've given you a three step process to use when your loved ones aren't on the same page as you in addressing your child's social, mental, physical, or learning differences. Step one, remind yourself, this person is not me. They have their own history, understanding, and emotional reactions. Step two, take a rest stop. and use the magic wand of curiosity to understand their point of view. Step three, seek the information that helps educate everyone about this difference in perspective. As we help our children navigate the challenges of their unique life stories, taking a rest stop may seem like a waste of time, but actually it saves time in the long run. If after trying this three step process, you're at an impasse, this is a great time to have a few sessions with a professional. I know many parents and grandparents are helping their beloved children and grandchildren navigate challenges. Please feel free to share this episode and episode 83 with them. Not only will it give them great skills, But it will also help them feel less alone as they figure all of this out. It takes a village to create midlife calm. It takes a village to help our children. I'll be back on Monday with another episode. Thanks for listening.