Ep. 85 5 Easy & Effective Steps to Stop Overthinking in Midlife To Decrease Stress & Anxiety Now

Ep. 85 5 Easy & Effective Steps to Stop Over Thinking, Now!

Do you ever feel trapped in a never-ending cycle of worry and anxiety, unable to shut off your mind?"

 Overthinking is an issue many of us face, especially during times of stress or uncertainty. It can rob us of peace, ruin our sleep, and harm our relationships. In this episode, MJ Murray Vachon LCSW introduces a five-step process to help you reduce overthinking, making room for more calm and clarity in your life.

 In this episode you will learn:

1. How to befriend your overthinking rather than fighting it, leading to more self-compassion and inner peace.

2.  Learn simple yet effective strategies to calm your body and mind during moments of intense overthinking.

3. Gain practical tools that will help you shift from endless worry to focusing on joyful and productive activities.

 Listen to this episode now and start implementing these five easy steps to stop overthinking and create more calm in your life today!

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About the Host: 

MJ Murray Vachon, LCSW, is a seasoned clinician, educator, and host of the podcast Creating Midlife Calm, recognized by Maria Shriver as a “Listen of the Week.” Over the past 40 years, MJ has led more than 50,000 therapy sessions and developed the Inner Challenge mental wellness program and the Inner Challenge Master Class, practical tools for emotional regulation, self-awareness, and resilience taught for more than 30 years in junior high schools and at the University of Notre Dame for freshman football players. Through her podcast, teaching, and coaching, MJ helps people build calmer lives, stronger relationships, and healthier communities.

Creating Midlife Calm is a podcast designed to guide you through the challenges of midlife, tackling issues like anxiety, low self-esteem, feeling unworthy, procrastination, and isolation, while offering strategies for improving relationships, family support, emotional wellbeing, mental wellness, and parenting, with a focus on mindfulness, stress management, coping skills, and personal growth to stop rumination, overthinking, and increase confidence through self-care, emotional healing, and mental health support. 

Transcript

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M.J. Murray Vachon LCSW 0:00

Most people have tried tough love, but this approach really works. Welcome to Creating Midlife Calm, a podcast dedicated to empowering midlife minds to overcome anxiety, stop feeling like crap and become more present with your family, all while achieving greater success at work. I'm MJ Murray Vachon, a licensed clinical social worker with over 48, 000 hours of therapy sessions and 31 years of experience teaching mental wellness. Welcome to the podcast. I'm glad you're here. Today, we're diving into a topic many of us struggle with overthinking. By the end of this episode, you'll have learned what is overthinking and a new approach that gives you five practical, steps to reduce overthinking and bring more calm into your life. Let's start with the basics. Overthinking is when our mind gets stuck in a loop of worry, anxiety, or rumination. Our thoughts are going over and over on a never ending treadmill, and we just can't get off. Overthinking can happen to anyone. Especially during stressful times like a job loss or serious illness. For others, it might be a daily struggle. Worrying about what their boss thinks or if their significant other is truly committed. Some women also experience heightened overthinking before their menstrual cycle or during menopause, due to hormonal changes. Regardless of the type, overthinking is distressing and takes a toll on our mental, physical, and relational health. It can turn a calm and content spirit into one that's anxious, fearful, and exhausted. Let me give you an example. Every spring I work with parents who are fixated on their child's college acceptance process. They often wake up at 2 a. m. worrying that their child won't get into their first choice school. They come into my office and they say, I know I shouldn't be doing this, but I just can't get my mind to stop worrying. Another example is an employee overwhelmed by their workload, paralyzed by the fear of disappointing their boss. Excessive like this robs us of our sleep, drains our energy, and affects our productivity and relationships. By the time someone comes to see me, they've usually been stuck in this cycle for a long time. They know the costs of overthinking, but feel trapped, unsure how to escape the loop. Most have tried what I call, tough love on themselves, criticizing and mentally yelling at themselves to stop worrying. But this approach rarely works. So let's try something different. Here's my five step plan to reduce overthinking. Step one, befriend your overthinking. I know this sounds strange. Who wants to be friends with something they hate? But fighting Your overthinking hasn't worked, so why not try a new approach? Think of your overthinking as a cute untrained puppy that needs a bit of guidance. Some people even name their overthinking like Joe or Maria. This helps soften your attitude towards yourself and adds a little self-compassion, which goes a long way. Step two. Set your intention. Every day say to yourself, I can do this. I can lessen my overthinking. Intention is important. When you start saying, I can do this, you might hear your inner voice scream back. No, you can't. I've failed at this a million times, but push through that fear of failure and say it anyways. You don't have to believe your intention at this point in the journey, but your intention is pointing you in the right direction. Visualize the change you want. Allow yourself to say, I can create calm. I can be happier. I can decrease my worry. I encourage people to do this in the shower because they're relaxed and under that warm water all seems possible. I know the advice to set an intention seems so therapist y or maybe even new age y. But the reality is, if we can't imagine it, it will really be difficult to achieve. Step 3. Create a glimmer list. What makes you happy? What brings you joy? Create a glimmer list on your phone with five things that makes your spirit glimmer. Think about it. Overthinking makes your spirit dimmer. So, part of stopping overthinking is being able to help your spirit glimmer. My list includes thinking about my grandson Neel ,going for a walk, swimming, babysitting my great nephews and niece, And reading. The items on your glimmer list should be low cost and easy to do daily. Each day choose something from your list and let yourself enjoy it. Often people who overthink are tyrants with themselves and they need to practice bringing some enjoyment to their spirit. Step four, tend and befriend your emotions. Now let's work on building that friendship with your worry. Throughout your day. Notice when your overthinking shows up. Instead of being judgmental or exasperated, try to be curious. Say, Hi, overthinking. You're back. Pick up the puppy and then ask yourself these three simple questions and try to answer them in five to seven words. What am I worried about? How do I feel? What are my bodily sensations? For example: I'm worried about seeing my friend. I feel afraid, guilty, and mad. My stomach feels nauseous. My shoulders are tight. Yes, containing our overthinking to three questions and five to seven words already has great impact. Once we've acknowledged our feelings, we can then move to helping our body calm down. You probably know this drill, but I think it's really worth repeating. Ground your feet on the floor. Sit comfortably or go for a walk. Focus your attention on your emotions and gently place your hands over the area of your body where you feel tension. Breathe with the intention of calming your body. It might feel strange at first, but with practice, this will become easier and more effective. Most of our emotions will decrease with about 90 seconds of breath work. There's lots of different breathing techniques, box breathing, counting to four. There isn't one that is better than the other. You just have to figure out what works for you. What really matters in this process is that you Tend and befriend your emotions. As your emotions decrease and your body feels calmer, listen to what your mind and body suggests you do. Maybe you need a good cry. Maybe you need to take a nap, write in your journal, get active, or ask for a hug. Step five, move forward. Yes, after we calm our body, after we move through our emotions, It's time to shift our focus. Look at your glimmer list and choose something to do. Engage in an activity that absorbs you and keeps your mind moving forward away from overthinking. In this episode, you've learned what overthinking is and discovered a simple five step process to help you stop overthinking. Step one, befriend your overthinking. Step two, set your intention. Step three, create a glimmer list. Step four, tend and befriend your emotions. Step five, move forward. Overthinking is a painful habit. Like any habit, it's going to take a little effort on your part to move from overthinking to a mind that is calm and moving in a direction that's more life giving, more enjoyable, and more productive. So let me share with you some inner challenge insights that might motivate you to continue to decrease your overthinking today. Insight number one, overthinking is often our best attempt to avoid feeling the discomfort that comes with uncertainty in our life. The paradox is that the antidote to overthinking is actually allowing ourself to feel. Insight number two. Many people try to reduce overthinking by over talking, flipping their worries into excessive speech. To counter this, try the rule of one. Share your concerns once, but when you catch yourself repeating them, often with a lot more emotional intensity, move on to the five step process in this podcast. Remember, excessive talking can actually increase anxiety, not reduce it. Insight number three. The hardest part of stopping overthinking is remembering to use this process consistently. Place a few sticky notes around that say, tend and befriend, as a reminder. Overthinking is a deeply ingrained habit. It's like lifting weights. You need to keep at it to see results. But every time you do. You'll feel better. Thanks for listening. If you'd like to see a visual one pager on tending and befriending your emotions, check out my show notes. If you want more information on managing your emotions, check out episodes 53 54 You may have noticed that I haven't touched on the thinking part of overthinking. We'll dive into that when I come back on Thursday. In the meantime, I invite you to try this five step process and make it your own. This is your inner challenge.