Ep. 86 Understanding the 4 Causes of Overthinking To Reduce Your Stress & Anxiety and Increase Calm

Ep. 86 Understanding the 4 Causes of Overthinking To Reduce Your Anxiety & Increase Calm

Do you find yourself trapped in overthinking, draining your energy, disrupting your mental clarity, and leaving you anxious?

 Overthinking affects many of us, especially when faced with stress or uncertainty. In this episode, MJ Murray Vachon, LCSW, explains the four main causes of overthinking and how understanding these triggers can help reduce anxiety and increase your sense of calm.

 In this episode you will learn the 4 Main Causes of Overthinking:

1. Fear of the Future: Overthinking often stems from anxiety about uncertain outcomes, like job security or health concerns.

2.Perfectionism:High expectations and fear of failure can fuel excessive rumination, depriving you of joy and calm.

3.Past Regrets: Unresolved disappointment and self-blame can lead to dwelling on what could have been.

4.Too Many Choices: Being overwhelmed by everyday decisions can cause mental fatigue and indecision.

 MJ shares actionable insights on how to address these underlying causes by tending to your emotions and calming your mind, helping you break free from the cycle of overthinking.

Tune in to learn how to recognize the causes of overthinking and apply these strategies to bring more peace and focus into your life.
Listen to Ep.85 5 Easy & Effective Steps to Stop Overthinking, Now! or
check out attached one pager on what our mind looks! https://mjmurrayvachon.com/podcast-1/ or listen to Ep. 1 What is Mental Wellness?  

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About the Host: 

MJ Murray Vachon, LCSW, is a seasoned clinician, educator, and host of the podcast Creating Midlife Calm, recognized by Maria Shriver as a “Listen of the Week.” Over the past 40 years, MJ has led more than 50,000 therapy sessions and developed the Inner Challenge mental wellness program and the Inner Challenge Master Class, practical tools for emotional regulation, self-awareness, and resilience taught for more than 30 years in junior high schools and at the University of Notre Dame for freshman football players. Through her podcast, teaching, and coaching, MJ helps people build calmer lives, stronger relationships, and healthier communities.

Creating Midlife Calm is a podcast designed to guide you through the challenges of midlife, tackling issues like anxiety, low self-esteem, feeling unworthy, procrastination, and isolation, while offering strategies for improving relationships, family support, emotional wellbeing, mental wellness, and parenting, with a focus on mindfulness, stress management, coping skills, and personal growth to stop rumination, overthinking, and increase confidence through self-care, emotional healing, and mental health support. 

Transcript

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MJ Murray Vachon LCSW 0:00

If you want to reduce overthinking, start by addressing what's happening below your head. Welcome to Creating Midlife Calm, a podcast dedicated to empowering midlife minds to overcome anxiety, stop feeling like crap and become more present with your family, all while achieving greater success at work. I'm MJ Murray Vachon, a licensed clinical social worker with over 48, 000 hours of therapy sessions and 31 years of experience teaching mental wellness. Welcome back to the podcast. It's Thursday, which means I'm following up on the inner challenge insights we discussed in episode 85 on Monday, which focused on overthinking. Overthinking is not fun. It robs us of our energy, mental clarity, not to mention our calm. On Monday, we talked about what overthinking is and a practical five step process to help you decrease worry and rumination. If you haven't listened to episode 85 yet, I encourage you to go back so you can learn my five step process to help your mind stop overthinking. Today I want to focus on the causes of overthinking. My first Inner Challenge Insight gives us some of the main causes. Overthinking is often our best attempt to avoid feeling the discomfort that often comes with the uncertainty in our lives. In graduate school, I was taught that we think before we feel. And if I could teach my clients to change their thoughts, They would feel differently. I tried this for a while, but what seemed to happen with most people is that they could easily change their thoughts in my office, but they would come back the next week still in emotional turmoil. Then I taught my mental wellness curriculum, Inner Challenge, in a junior high for over 20 years. And what I saw was day in and day out, these kids were often feeling before they thought. So I decided in my office to change the order. I taught people to tend and befriend the emotions connected to their worry and rumination. Then to look at their thoughts. Today I want to share with you four causes of overthinking. One of the main causes is fear of something that will happen in the future. Perhaps you're waiting for a medical diagnosis, working in an industry where layoffs are common, or caring for an elderly parent. These are all very stressful situations. Filled with uncertainty and a certain amount of being out of control. One thing that my clients and students have taught me over the years, not to mention my own experience, is that uncertainty is not easy for any of us. It just isn't. When we feel uncertain, we can go into overthinking mode, planning and strategizing, trying to gain some control. Some planning makes sense, But too much of it increases anxiety decreases our energy and ability to be in the present. This is why I start with learning to tend and befriend whatever we're feeling. Once we calm our emotions, we can better answer this question. Is the story I'm telling myself true? For example, I had a client whose company was downsizing and she was paralyzed with fear. She asked herself the three questions I shared in episode 84. What am I afraid of? Losing my job. What am I feeling? Fear of being poor. Where do I feel it on my body? In my heart and my head. She put her hands over her heart and allowed her attention to move to her fear and she breathed for about two minutes. When she was done, she looked up and she said, I don't even like this job. I should probably start looking for a new one. When we bring ourselves back to the present and tend to our emotions, mental clarity usually follows with insights and good advice from within. Another cause of overthinking is perfectionism. Perfectionism is a complex human dilemma that's actually really painful. It can stem from a childhood where expectations were too high or little direction and guidance were given. Some people naturally have traits like conscientiousness or sensitivity to criticism that make them perfectionists. Others have a fear of failure or low self esteem, driving them to do things excessively well. Cultural pressures also play a role as competition and being the best are often valued over cooperation and relationships. If your overthinking comes from perfectionism, take a deep breath and practice self compassion because perfectionism is tough and it takes the joy out of everyday life. If you've suffered a trauma, perfectionism can be a sincere attempt to gain control and protect yourself from future trauma. Whether rooted in childhood expectations, low self esteem, trauma, or fear of failure, therapy can be very helpful to someone who is driven to be a perfectionist. If your perfectionism is fueled by social media, an overly competitive culture, consider reducing your engagement in each of these areas. Many perfectionists find real relief in learning how to practice self compassion by gently tending to and befriending the emotions of shame, guilt, and anxiety that often tell them they are not enough. This is not easy work, but overthinking and perfectionism aren't easy either. I encourage you to do the hard work and lean towards wellness. Another cause of overthinking are past regrets. Sometimes past regrets overlap with perfectionism, but regrets can also stem from deep disappointments, such as breakups, job loss, or missed opportunities. These losses can fuel rumination. Replaying what could have or should have been done differently. Regret often involves blame, whether towards oneself or others, anything to avoid the feelings of loss and disappointment. I see regret as a spiritual practice where one commits to tending to their disappointment and loss. Regret can weigh heavily on our spirit and requires time and attention to heal. Often embedded in regret is the real sense I'm not good enough. I wasn't chosen. If this is not addressed, it can turn into bitterness. room of emotional intelligence, regret is heavy lifting, But clients who work through regret often emerge with new self knowledge and a greater emotional and psychological sturdiness. The last cause of overthinking that I want to talk about is too many choices. This is what I call the Cereal Aisle Dilemma. Do we really need so many choices for breakfast? Too many choices, may lacks the emotional intensity of the other causes, but boy is it a nuisance and it can really eat up your valuable time. In my experience, people

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who get

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overwhelmed by choices, often have ADHD, so this is something to consider. A helpful strategy here is a two pronged approach. Give yourself a time limit and involve others. When I was choosing the cover art for my podcast, I was torn between two designs. After letting this decision go on too long, I finally said to some trusted people, I'd like to hear your opinion and than I'm making the decision after our conversation and I am not looking back. Before I end this episode, I want to clarify the distinction between overthinking and obsessive compulsive disorder, also known as OCD. Overthinking involves excessive rumination and worry, while OCD is characterized by intrusive, obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviors aimed at reducing anxiety. Overthinking lacks the ritualistic or compulsive behaviors seen in OCD. If you suffer from OCD, I hope you'll consider getting professional help. Our field has come a long way in treating OCD, and I encourage you to find a competent professional in your area. In this episode, I've shared that overthinking can be caused by fear of the future, perfectionism, regret, or too many choices. The antidote to overthinking begins with going underneath your thoughts to what you are feeling and where it is located in your body. Strangely enough,

MJ Murray Vachon LCSW 8:40

if you want to reduce overthinking, start by addressing what's happening below your head.

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Once you calm your emotions, you can Is this really the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth? Thanks for listening. If you suffer from overthinking, I hope you do yourself a favor and commit to trying to decrease it in your life. It might be helpful for you to listen to the first podcast I ever made, what is mental wellness? It also has a beautiful one pager that I'm going to post in my show notes. To decrease overthinking it can be really helpful for us to understand what a healthy mind looks like. Check out episode one. And I'll be back on Monday with another episode of Creating Midlife Calm.