Ep. 108 Coping Skills To Bridge the Political Divide & Decrease Stress & Anxiety During The Holidays

Are you worried that post election-related anxiety might cast a shadow over your holiday celebrations? 

In this episode you’ll learn how to:  

   1. Use the science of emotional contagion to avoid spreading or absorbing anxiety during gatherings.  

    2. Set boundaries with grace, including one-liners and humor, to steer conversations away from divisive topics.  

   3. Regulate your emotions in group settings and one-on-one conversations to stay grounded and present.

 Listen now to discover how to enjoy a calmer, more joyful holiday season while leaving anticipatory anxiety behind.

****

About the Host: 

MJ Murray Vachon, LCSW, is a seasoned clinician, educator, and host of the podcast Creating Midlife Calm, recognized by Maria Shriver as a “Listen of the Week.” Over the past 40 years, MJ has led more than 50,000 therapy sessions and developed the Inner Challenge mental wellness program and the Inner Challenge Master Class, practical tools for emotional regulation, self-awareness, and resilience taught for more than 30 years in junior high schools and at the University of Notre Dame for freshman football players. Through her podcast, teaching, and coaching, MJ helps people build calmer lives, stronger relationships, and healthier communities.

Creating Midlife Calm is a podcast designed to guide you through the challenges of midlife, tackling issues like anxiety, low self-esteem, feeling unworthy, procrastination, and isolation, while offering strategies for improving relationships, family support, emotional wellbeing, mental wellness, and parenting, with a focus on mindfulness, stress management, coping skills, and personal growth to stop rumination, overthinking, and increase confidence through self-care, emotional healing, and mental health support. 

Transcript

Copy Transcript Copied

MJ Murray Vachon LCSW (2) 0:02

Discover how to leave that anxiety about post election results out of your holiday parties so your season can be merry and bright. Welcome to Creating Midlife Calm, a podcast dedicated to empowering midlife minds to overcome anxiety, stop feeling like crap and become more present with your family, all while achieving greater success at work. I'm MJ Murray Vachon, a licensed clinical social worker with over 48, 000 hours of therapy sessions and 31 years of experience teaching mental wellness. Welcome to the podcast. It's Thursday and I'm following up on Monday's episode where I introduced an inner challenge to take back your mind and decrease your anticipatory anxiety about the unpredictability surrounding President elect Trump's governance style. I encouraged you to choose one coping skill, grounding, breathing, mindfulness, creating beauty or being a helper to keep your mind calm and present instead of catastrophizing about the future. If you have not heard episode 107, I invite you to take a listen. We'll explore why

Built-in Microphone 1:13

anticipatory anxiety

MJ Murray Vachon LCSW (2) 1:14

is contagious and how to prevent it from spreading during the holiday season. I'll also share with you practical coping skills so that anxiety isn't something you're giving or receiving as you celebrate the holiday with your loved ones. From birth, humans have been innately wired to connect with one another. However, it wasn't until 1992 that neuroscientists discovered mirror neurons, specialized brain cells that activate when we perform an action or observe someone else performing the same action. These neurons enable empathy and social understanding. This holiday season, mirror neurons present two key challenges. For those with different political views, the challenge is to use empathy and social understanding to navigate conversations. For those who share your views but are experiencing anticipatory anxiety the challenge is to recognize how their anxiety can become contagious and amplify your own. As you bring gifts to your holiday celebrations. Don't forget to bring the gift of understanding emotional contagion, along with a few coping skills to protect your emotional well being. Coping skill number one, clarify expectations in conversations. One effective coping skill is to prepare for setting boundaries in advance of any social situation. Let's assume you'd prefer to avoid election talk. Having a one liner ready can help you connect while gently redirecting the conversation. Here's an example I witnessed recently at a lunch. Someone nervously said, well, hopefully the world won't end. With grace, a wise elder said, I'm sorry you feel so worried, but let's just focus on the project that we're all doing together. That will make us feel better productive and helpful. This approach validates feelings and contains the conversation. I think it's really helpful to head into the holidays and have a one liner in your back pocket. You might consider, Hey, it's the holidays. Let's give each other the gift of not talking about the election. Or maybe a gentle, I don't think we should really go there. Can I get you a drink? Or you could use this poem, which was included on an invitation I saw. Join us for laughter, cheer, and delight. A holiday party to brighten the night, bring your joy, your stories, and your affection. But leave at the door, all the talk of the election. If that isn't an excellent example

3:53

of setting

Built-in Microphone 3:54

boundaries, clarifying expectations in a way that's humorous and connecting and probably quite relieving. But the holidays aren't just group settings. Anticipatory anxiety just doesn't show its face during parties. It often happens when we're talking to our friends one on one. What if you're with a friend who starts to vent their fears? One liners might not really work. So start by asking what your friend needs from you. Do they need a place to vent? Do they just want to share information? Or solve a problem? As you listen, stay grounded and regulate your breathing. Anticipatory anxiety thrives on worst case scenarios about the future. If your friend's anxiety increases, gently ask, What do you need from me? Support or problem solving? This question helps prevent miscommunication and emotional overload. If you're texting, FaceTime So you can see each other's expressions, but avoid earbuds, which can distort the intensity of phone calls. If a face to face conversation isn't feasible, be honest about waiting until you can give this person your full attention. As you listen to your friend, remember to self regulate. Practice grounding and breath control, and maintain some physical distance, if needed, so you avoid absorbing their anxiety. Remind yourself that your job is to regulate your feelings. It isn't to catch your friend's feelings. If the conversation becomes too overwhelming, set a boundary. Say something like, I really want to give you my full attention, but I'm feeling really overwhelmed. Can we take a break and come back to this in a few minutes? One thing that might surprise you is often when people are anxious, especially with anticipatory anxiety, and they begin to talk and talk, they may not be aware that they're anxious. They're actually talking to relieve themselves of the anxiety. So to mirror back to them, that you recognize that they're anxious can sometimes help them stop, take a few breaths, and begin to connect what their body is feeling. And that is incredibly helpful. Another really important thing to understand about anticipatory anxiety is talking about it more actually increases it. One of the hardest parts about anticipatory anxiety is we don't really know what's going to happen in the future. And that means that we have to hold the uncertainty. We have to hold the fear. It can be really helpful to set a time limit. remember, it's okay to acknowledge when you're not in a place to listen. Think of listening as a resource. Sometimes we simply don't have it to give. Setting boundaries might feel artificial at first, but it prevents conversations from spiraling into frustration or anger. In this episode, We explored the science of emotional contagion and how to approach a holiday season marked by anticipatory anxiety. Use one liners to set boundaries and when possible incorporate humor. If you or a friend want to discuss worries, clarify the purpose of the conversation and what is needed. Step into your power by regulating your emotions and don't hesitate to ask for a break. While President elect Trump's unpredictable and divisive style may cause anxiety for some, the coping skills we discussed today, boundary setting, grounding, and humor, will serve you well into the new year. Thank you for listening, and I'll be back on Monday with more Creating Midlife Calm.