JD's Story (Final)

  Final Part with JD discussing Daddy Issues with Ebony Finesse. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_07 1:00

Go forward gravely, gravely, bravely, bravely, brave.

SPEAKER_02 1:05

Welcome to Yes, I have daddy issues, where I believe it takes a village to support one another and grow together. I'm your host, Ebony Finesse. I hope you've been enjoying listening to JD's story. From the lenses of a child through the eyes of a young man, and then finally as an adult, where his perspective had changed a bit. I know this segment has been long, but I felt it was important because it touches on all of the things in what this podcast is all about. And I'm pleased with that. I hope his journey encourages you to share your story. Like I always say, I believe it takes a village to heal. So let's continue with the final episode of JD's story.

SPEAKER_06 1:52

So God saw through the BS and saw the fact that I'm still a young man out here in these streets. And I got accepted to the University of South Alabama. And I was on a good wave there. I had good community. I learned some lessons. I was like, this shit ain't gonna happen. And then I started to move like serious from the motherfucker. Like, look, these motherfuckers took my money. So about to get mad. Because that's how that's how life works, right? We learn and we move on. But I learned the hard way. So I got to a point to where I was uh three-quarters of the way complete with my degree, and then I said, you know, I can't pay for it anymore. I don't have any more financial aid money. My jobs aren't cutting it. I really ain't got time for scholarships. I've had some scholarships, but like I can't put out no more. I got three jobs and I'm in college full time, and I'm I'm actually doing it, and I actually have a plan.

SPEAKER_02 2:57

And you still have a girlfriend at this time.

SPEAKER_06 3:00

I still got a girlfriend. That shit was weird because that was the most cheating person I ever met in my life. But honest to a fault. She would cheat and then say, Hey, I want to tell you something I cheated on you. So sorry. I don't want to do this anymore. So, like, a motherfucker like me was programmed for abuse at that point because I thought that was love. And so I'm gonna stick it out for love, right? Um, and then she fucking broke up with me at the end of it. How the fuck does that work? She dumped me, I couldn't pay for school, I go home.

SPEAKER_02 3:37

So this is home for a second time.

SPEAKER_06 3:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:41

Oh.

SPEAKER_06 3:43

This first one was a short stint. The first one was I was just there for the summer and then I dipped out.

unknown 3:49

Okay.

SPEAKER_06 3:50

At this point, I'm home because I can't get back into school. Uh I've got like this $300-something dollar debt that I owe the school, and I have to pay that before I can go back to be a student. But I gotta fucking fly down there and finish out school.

SPEAKER_02 4:06

The University of Alabama.

SPEAKER_06 4:07

Yeah. I only had my senior years, four or five classes to complete that degree. Um, and I just had to get back down there to finish my senior year, and I'd have my degree. But I couldn't couldn't get it done. I was living with friends and I was living with my parents, and that was really a point of like my dad, my mom and dad kind of brought me back to that point of what the fuck are you doing? Because I started getting tied up in life instead of moving forward with the goals that I had for school. And my parents always had a strict policy of work, school, or military. And I had worked and lived with my parents. I had gone to school and lived with my parents, so the only thing I didn't do was join the military. And that was honestly the best way out of my situation, uh, because it removed me from the situation, and they also paid for college. I 100%, 100% to this day, I've been in the military for 12 years. I still say to this day I joined the military to paper school.

SPEAKER_02 5:22

Nice.

SPEAKER_06 5:23

Nice just paper school. I'm not sugarcoating shit. I've obviously been around for months because I don't need it anymore, but I enjoy it. But I went to the military to pay for school to get out of that situation.

SPEAKER_02 5:37

So let me ask you a question before you continue on with that. Since you joined the military to pay for your school, why didn't you use any of your mother's benefits or anything like that? Or did she just not give you that option, or did she just want you to make a way of your own, or how was that?

SPEAKER_06 5:53

So a combination of things. My mom had uh never gone to college herself. So she had fun fact when I graduated high school, that's when my mom graduated with her degree, um, with her associates. And so she was utilizing her benefits for her school because she had gotten out. Um so her benefits went towards her school. And um me being a military brat, you know, looked up the rules and things like that. I was like, hey dog, you can cut, you can cut these ends, homie. Like, cut me some of them in. You got it, you got yours. So let me go get mine. And she was reserved about that. It's kind of like, you know, part of me is conflicted as a mom, right, to give you the opportunities and things that I didn't have. But at the same time, I work for this shit.

SPEAKER_02 6:54

That's a good way of saying it.

SPEAKER_06 6:56

I work for it because you're getting the benefit from it. Something don't sit right with it. And I might need ends for later. And so I'm happy she didn't budge on that. And my dad didn't have, I think he didn't have Montgomery GI, but there was the post-9-11 existed at the time, but he I don't think he was too privy on it or something like that, but but I knew not to ask my dad. Yeah, um, because dad would dad would make me be a man, which what I needed. And mom was on the same way. So it was very much this is your school, you figure it out.

SPEAKER_02 7:37

That's a lot of people would see that as being tough on a child. Like being being tough, not providing them with the monies or the resource to make them have a better life. But she actually like, no, I'm not gonna do that. You're gonna figure it out. You're gonna figure out life.

SPEAKER_06 7:55

I would I would agree that that's tough on a child, but you have to understand when you're out of my house, you're not a child. Mmm. It's your life. You know, if we we wouldn't say the same thing if that 18-year-old child had a baby, and they're like, take care of my child. It's not your responsibility to take care of their child, it's their responsibility because they in fact made the baby, right? So if you laid in the bed, then you gotta be comfortable. So that's really where it was.

SPEAKER_02 8:33

Um I know sheets up tight.

SPEAKER_06 8:37

Say what?

SPEAKER_02 8:38

Pull those sheets up tight, get comfortable.

SPEAKER_05 8:40

Exactly. You know, this this is now your life. Congratulations. You play adult prize games, you win adult prizes.

SPEAKER_02 8:50

That's your marinade. Yeah. Play adult games, win adult prizes. Oh wow, that's deep.

SPEAKER_06 8:58

So that's really where I had the problem. Because 18, 18's a weird age. Especially if you're out of the house. And I've been out of the house, you know, effectively 17. Um, it's the age of I'm grown, but I don't think that's what that means. Because yes, you are legally an adult, right?

SPEAKER_04 9:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 9:26

Just like you can legally smoke at what? Is it 18 or 16? 16. You can legally smoke at 16. It doesn't mean it's good for you. So I was legally an adult, but I didn't know how to adult at all. So that's what it was. And so I'm still learning how to be an adult, and what my parents were doing, even though I didn't understand at the time, they were showing me we're no longer the mommy and daddy that you know as it takes care of your every need. Your needs are now exactly what that is. Your needs. So you have to apply for your own needs. We're just here to guide. Like 100%. We're we're glorified guidance counselors. And um I started to learn like it's not on mom and dad, it's on me. And that's what Philly felt like. Philadelphia was like, that's that's where my walk with Christ got deeper because it was like, oh, I'm just gonna say that, oh shit. It's just me out here. It's not you know, me going to church with mom, it's not me on the praise dance team, it's not me with the group of people around me that I'm familiar with seeing and the lessons that I'm used to learning. It's just me. Yeah. So that's where life started to game, and that's getting to that point of living back with my parents was really like, what the fuck have I been doing for the last few years? Like, is all this just a waste? And so I needed a hard reset, and that's where the military came in. All I knew was go back to school and finish your degree. You know you were a doctor, so make it work in your favor. And so that's where I said, raise my right hand, man. Like, let's get it.

SPEAKER_02 11:23

So you're now pretty much resorted to that point since your way of adulting thus far as 18, it just didn't work out the way I guess your young mind thought it should or could, or it wasn't that fantasy life, that fairy tale life.

SPEAKER_06 11:41

No.

SPEAKER_03 11:47

Sweet, sweet fantasy.

SPEAKER_06 11:54

Yeah, and I can say that all those lessons got me to a point of doing the one thing that I didn't think I would do. Um, it was on this particular deployment, I was 23 and 24, and uh I started learning a lot about my dad after my experience with Marine Corps. Because my dad was in the Marines and the Army. I always mess up the horror. I think he was Marine Corps, and then he said, nah, bug this, and then went Army. And then he was like, stupid, so bye. Um, so yeah, but he was in the Marine Corps and the Army, and I understood a lot, I learned a lot about my dad and myself in my time with the Marine Corps. My job in the military, so I'm in the Navy, uh, and I'm a corps. And Corpsman is not a fucking medic, first of all. I'm sorry to just go deep like that, but a lot of people like to compare us to medics, we're not medics, uh we're better because a medic can find a job, and we have to be diverse, and we have to move in different ways, and we're we're in a whole bunch of different assignments. So if anything, a medic is close to what we do, but they they they're not on the same level. Um and then the medics only get the recognition because the army's helpers. My action for the military, that might be while I'm still here. But in my time with the Marine Corps, I started learning a lot about my dad, not through his words, but understanding his actions.

SPEAKER_02 13:50

So you're in the Navy, but you served with the Marines?

SPEAKER_06 13:54

Yep.

SPEAKER_02 13:54

So FMF.

SPEAKER_06 13:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:57

So what exactly does FMF, I hear that term, throw it around a lot.

SPEAKER_06 14:01

So Fleet Marine Corps is what it stands for. And what that means is as Corpsmates, we have to learn the customs courtesies, the regulations, and how the Marine Corps functions so that we can integrate into those units and behave just like a Marine, to carry ourselves just like a Marine, to hold yourself to their standards, but also be able to keep up in the environments that they uh are forced to go. So in the Navy, it's predominantly C. Um the Marine, the Marine Corps is a department of the Navy. So they basically take the ships and catch a ride and go wherever a battle is. Um different from the army because the army isn't uh very C-Sat, whereas the Marine Corps is. They have to operate out of ships, on ships, and in a land environment. So a Marine has to do just that. When you think Marine, you think land and water. Think of a frog, amphibious.

SPEAKER_02 15:16

Okay. No, I understand. And right now I just want to take a point to thank you for your service. Right. Thank you for your support. So you're working with the Marines, even though you're a Navy, so you're working working with the Marines, and you you say you learned a lot about your band.

SPEAKER_06 15:37

Yeah. So the Marine Corps, uh, good order and discipline is everything to the Marine Corps. And there's a method of obtaining good order and discipline and maintaining good order and discipline. There's a rank and structure and everything. The way that they treat their leaders. So what my dad was teaching me with my cousins, he was teaching me accountability, he was teaching me responsibility, he was teaching me how to utilize my strengths for their weaknesses, and to always be in an area of seeking to improve the environment that I'm in. Whether I liked it or not, because it was the right thing to do. He would, I remember I would get push-ups for walking around the house barefoot when we lived in one place that it had cold floors. If you walk around the house barefoot, you're gonna get sick. If you're sick, then that means a parent has to stay home from work. If a parent has to stay home from work, then that's hours that they can't get. If they don't get the hours, then they can't get the money to take care of the house. That's how my dad would see it. And so he would maintain the level of respect and good order and discipline by actions like that. Why don't you have problems? And it was always a why. It wasn't just go do what I told you to do. Because my dad was would always put bombs in your head, like he would make you think about your actions. It was always think about your actions, don't be mindless in anything that you do. So my dad, he was very analytical, and then I saw a lot of that out of the wrinkle, and I see how it changed him as a person, um, and I see how it changed me as a person, and it pushed me past limits that I thought I had physically and mentally, and it showed me what mattered versus what doesn't matter. And so hurt that I had been carrying, um, even like something as small as blaming my parents for me not being able to continue in school and things like that, all I had to get let go. I remember being on deployment, and uh there was an incident where I had I took a casualty and I was working on it and I remember my heart beat being in my throat. And I think uh I have a lot of love for my I have a lot of love for my friends, and uh seeing this person that I cared about so much in pain and relying on me to do all that I you know knew to bring them back home to make sure that they can see their family. It's a it's a hell of a task. And it's it's scary. Uh it's scary as hell because you always think, you know, do I know enough? Am I doing enough? My skills good enough? Is this did I catch this? Did I see that? Did I pay attention to this, that, and the other? And I started understanding why my dad was the way that he is. I understood how my dad thinks. And I remember being with this cat and just I remember hearing my dad say, Why are you doing this? And I was about to wrap his hand before uh giving him a shot for paint. And I was thinking in my head, I'm doing this because this is the algorithm, P March P, and da da da da da, and I'm going through the whole algorithm, making sure I got everything, and then I was like, pause. You're dressing this before you give him paint meds. Give him pain meds. So I gave him the shot, and I kept talking to him, and then I started to rap it. And then I remember telling our radio operator, like, hey, here's the rest of the nine line, here's what's here's what they're gonna need. And they took him and he was good um at the at the very end. That's why I can say this. But I I I just remember seeing my dad in a different light in that moment. Instead of thinking like here he is barking another order, or here he is just like giving me shit again, it was the exact same memory, exactly as it played out. It was just my perspective that it changed. And it was very much like this is why I'm building this, and I didn't think anything else of it, and it wasn't even like a screamo session that my dad had with me. When my dad talks, he's very direct, he's very blunt. There's no beating around the bush. Like it might be colorful language, but it's very blunt and to the point. Why are you doing this? What's the reasoning behind this? Who's the da-da-da-da, whatever would happen? And there is no way around the question, it's just answer the fucking question. Right. Um, and in that moment, it was like he's helping me to see differently because I can't see things clearly on my own, and it was just a huge revelation because. As a man of God, I rely on God to be in that space to let me know anything that I need to know. But in that moment, God was showing me like your dad has been right here. And where you felt guarded in calling him your dad, I've been in that space.

SPEAKER_04 22:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 22:25

I'm your heavenly father, but I have given you. Not, you know, it isn't a, you know, oh, you should, you should feel, you should be happy that you have a dad, because I don't have a dad. You know, it wasn't that. It was it's literally like I've given you a dad. Not not only am I your heavenly father, but I've given you a dad. Meaning, I brought this man from a whole nother state, from a whole nother life to be here for you, with you, and to work through this. This man has learned with you. You're like, it was all of it and all that realization, just like, whoa. And it was very much, I remember, I remember trying to piece it together and tell my dad, like, and just let him know, like, look, I after that event, and trying to like I think I text them or emailed them or something like that. Um, but like, I just want you to know that you are my dad. And like, I don't think he understood it fully when I was like saying it, and he's like, duh, I know. But like, it was that it was that moment for me. Like, I learned how to say dad. I was comfortable with saying it brings me joy to say my dad this or my dad that. It it does. And it it fills me. Um just thinking of my dad. And so it it I remember like tech, I don't really remember if it was a text or an email, but just sitting down and the emotion that came over me like, you're my dad! You're my dad, you're my dad, because it's been it's been over 10 years, probably 12 years at this point.

unknown 24:29

Oh wow.

SPEAKER_06 24:30

12 to 13 years that he's been H-man. 12 to 13 years. It wasn't until I came back from that deployment that he became dad. I haven't even been calling my dad dad for 10 years.

SPEAKER_02 24:48

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 24:53

I haven't called my dad dad for 10 years. That's crazy.

SPEAKER_02 24:59

It's crazy now thinking about it. Yeah. But that reflection, that that moment, that epiphany.

SPEAKER_06 25:10

Yeah. And I I I remember thinking like, you're you're all of that in one. You know, my dad is my granddad. He is my uncle. He is the teacher. All in one person, and he's also something extra. That's something that hasn't been there that is only unique to him. He has the qualities of all of those men while having something extra that sets him apart from all of them.

unknown 25:58

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 26:02

And the crazy part about it, that brought so much peace, but I still wasn't whole until I forgave my biological father.

SPEAKER_02 26:16

Wow. So is this because I know you have three sons yourself. So forgiving your biological father was this how what is the time frame in between your deployment and your sons and marriage, and what is what is the time frame that you started to have this this thought of now this is it.

SPEAKER_06 26:45

I called you. I just realized something. Okay, uh so I was married for three years before I called my dad dad.

SPEAKER_02 27:03

Oh wow.

SPEAKER_06 27:04

I was married for three years. I had already had two kids. So it took life, it took marriage, it took children, it took war before I realized what a daddy.

SPEAKER_02 27:30

Good night.

SPEAKER_06 27:37

Yeah. That's that's kinda wow. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 27:45

Such a hard hit.

SPEAKER_06 27:49

I'm not the only one. You know, there's there's probably even more people that are not, and I I counted a blessing. I do. I counted a blessing because I know God was with me the whole way. I know he was because of the way that it all happened. And the revolution that came from it. It nothing happened by chance.

SPEAKER_02 28:14

He knew that happens by chance.

SPEAKER_06 28:17

I don't. We all have free will, you know, but the beautiful thing about God living outside of time and space, he sees the it. And he saw that moment with me and my dad. Before him. You know, he saw that moment, and that's what blows my mind about it. He saw that moment when I was born. You know what I mean? Like, it's different. Like that's so a heavenly father is an amazing thing because to have someone in the background to make sure you're good without you even knowing is crazy. It's like, oh dang. Like, imagine if my biological father was never there, but he was always working things out to where I would be okay. It would hit different when I finally met him and we talked. And he was saying, and he would say, I was there the whole time, and he said no. That's who God is. But to have that, and to also have a man from a completely different walk of life, from a completely different area, make the decision.

unknown 30:02

Because in this shout out to all the stepdaddies.

SPEAKER_06 30:06

Um anybody who has made the choice to be with a woman with children, and any woman that has a man that's in that situation, take a minute to just just a moment to really recognize the impact and the love that that man has to have to make a decision because that's what this was. He made a choice. He made a choice to not only be a husband, he made a choice to be a father, a daddy.

SPEAKER_02 30:53

That is true, that is true. I just watched this one video um where this guy was complaining that he is with his girlfriend, raised the stepdaughter, that's not really actually a stepdaughter because they're they're not married. He raised her, paid forty thousand dollars for her to go to college, bought a new car, and was paying for a wedding, but she wanted her biological father to walk her down the aisle. He's like, nah, I'm not gonna do that, boss. He's like, nah. I raised this child and all of this, and the mother is going along with that DS too. Yeah, no. No, I'm taking my money and I'm out.

SPEAKER_06 31:35

Yeah, I would too. Because that's a decision. And that's what it's a decision for a man to love like that. And it's not easy. It's not easy as a child is not, you know. It takes a special person to do that. And the beautiful just way that this is orchestrated, um, again, because of who God is, and because him standing outside of time and space and knowing how everything works, the exact same thing that my dad did for me, and this is not coincidence. It it died, and this was not my plan. But I ended up doing the same thing.

SPEAKER_02 32:28

Oh wow.

SPEAKER_06 32:30

I ended up doing the same thing, and that his choice, he didn't and and he didn't know the impact of what his choice was gonna be. Because of his choice, he has affected so many other people's lives. My that's great. Kids wouldn't be here without his choice.

SPEAKER_02 33:01

That's great. That is great. That's a beautiful thing. That is definitely a beautiful thing.

SPEAKER_06 33:09

It is, it is.

SPEAKER_02 33:11

So now you have to be on your dad's side giving that same bratty talk to your bratty military kids. Where's your plan? Where's your plan?

SPEAKER_06 33:26

So what's my point? Now, you know, I find myself talking to my dad a lot about the frustrations of fatherhood, and I am the only one of his sons that has kids. So we we relate to each other even more, and me and my dad have a very special relationship because of our dynamics. Like, with each of your kids, there's always something that makes the other one different. You know, you love them the same, you love them all the same, and nothing, nothing changes your love for them, but you have a different relationship where each kid feels a different niche. Um, kind of as my mom said, like each kid feels a different spot, and that's where me and my dad are. I I am actually happy to be. I used to I used to feel bad about it. Um that I used to feel like the outsider because the rest of the family had one name, and I chose uh the last name from my biological father.

SPEAKER_02 34:43

And your parents let you do that? They gave you the choice of doing that?

SPEAKER_06 34:47

They let me do that. They uh they came and talked to me. They sound like some progressive ass parents, don't they?

SPEAKER_02 34:54

They really do, and I'm surprised coming from two walks of life and two walks of life, jacked up backgrounds, and then I mentioned they're black. Oh wow.

SPEAKER_06 35:04

This doesn't happen in our culture and traditional, so this is a lot of it's a lot of growth. They're my parents are my role models. Um they really are. That's interesting. They man, I can talk forever. And the things that they've taught me, uh the lessons keep on going. That's the beautiful thing about it. I say beautiful, but I just realized it is because they my parents show me that you continue to grow. It doesn't just stop. Like, this isn't what I what I experienced with my parents isn't some past tense story that's happened yesterday. Like, it's still happening. We're still growing, they're still teaching me. Like, my my dad is still teaching me now as a man. Like, and I I talked to my dad just like one of the boys, but I listened to my dad and the things that he said.

SPEAKER_02 36:06

As a son, yeah, 100%.

SPEAKER_06 36:09

It's not a telling me what to do. You're you understand because you've been there, and I'd be a fool to not pick up these gems that you're dropping.

SPEAKER_02 36:21

Are you able to recognize it more that you're an adult, or is it just the the journey you've gone through that that is more experienced, or that you're going through it with your children?

SPEAKER_06 36:33

All of the above. You can't have one thing without the other. Uh I I wouldn't have the understanding without the journey. I wouldn't have the journey without being knocked on my ass. I wouldn't have, you know, wouldn't be at this point of understanding and understanding what I need more if I wasn't an adult. And I wouldn't have the tribe that I have if I didn't have kids. So you you you remove one thing from this equation and it all falls apart. And so I I revel in my lot in life where I'm at, because I see what God is doing in it, and I see how He's used my dad in a mighty way, and I'm so appreciative of it. I'm I'm happy that I forgave my biological father because I saw that a lot of the life that I was building was from an area of hate, and I was trying to prove that I was better than him. I was trying to prove that I was accepting that I could be loved, that I was good enough to be loved. I was trying to prove that you know I'll I'll never be in a situation like you're in, or never be in there. You don't have to love me. Uh I can find this, that, and the other, or I can do without you. But it's not about that. It's not about that because just like I said earlier, um, when you made the comment about, you know, the children, their life, my life. It's my life, and I decide what direction I go in it. I can't undo what my biological, I can never undo. All I can do is learn from it, grow from it, and acknowledge it. And a lot of that the way that I thought it was supposed to happen, didn't happen. Like, I wanted to have a and part of me still wants to. I've given up on it overall. Um, not out of hate or anything, just because I'm I see what really matters.

SPEAKER_02 38:51

Your perspective.

SPEAKER_06 38:53

Yeah. I thought that me and him would have a man-to-man conversation of you fucked up, and it fucked me up. And I just need you to hear that, and I want you to apologize.

SPEAKER_02 39:13

Oh, and what would that apology mean if you I know you say you've given up on it, but what would that apology mean?

SPEAKER_06 39:22

It would just mean it would mean acknowledgement. Like, I've gone years, decades without being seen. And if you just listened, hear me out two seconds and see the hurt that this has caused. And if you just said I'm sorry, then alright. But something that I've done is I've taken that and I've had the conversation with the little boy that was inside of me. I had to have that conversation and I had to take care of that kid. Because I'm the father that he never had. I'm the daddy that he never had. The daddy that'll sit here and hug you. Daddy that'll sit here and say it's okay. The daddy that'll sit here and say, I'm happy to see you. That daddy that'll sit here and say, I knew you could do it. The daddy that'll say, Alright, man, it's time to get your shit together.

SPEAKER_02 40:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 40:41

And all of the other areas that I couldn't be, that's what my dad is to me. And so that's an amazing story. December 2020 is when God put it on my heart. He said, How can I boy be a father? And I can't expect somebody that's had hurt themselves to not hurt somebody. Does that make sense? Like, hurt people, hurt people.

SPEAKER_02 41:51

On so many levels you try to say that that's not true, but it actually is.

SPEAKER_06 41:56

It really is. It really is. And I I had to ask my mom, you know, there's something something happened to him. And I I asked my mom, like, something is telling me that like he didn't have a good dad. Like, there's something, I don't know why. There's something that's not settling into me. Something with him and his dad that is an issue. It's a barrier from him being a dad. And I learned a lot when I asked that question. I'd never asked that question. It's December of 24. Why? In the middle of a pandemic? Don't know. You know, I just let God work, and that's that's what he did. And um told me a lot about uh my biological father's background and hurt, and um I see a lot of he wears a mask to this day, to this day. He puts on this front or this face, like nothing's bothering him when really he's broken, he doesn't know how to deal with it. And so the best way that he deals with it is masking it, covering it up, you know, burying it, putting it somewhere else. And we all naturally do that. Men, women, whatever. We mask hurt with drugs, we mask hurt with alcohol, we mask hurt with academic success, we mask hurt with job accomplishment, you name it. Um but there's a reason that a lot of that doesn't satisfy you. It's because it's just a mask. If you did it one hunt it, just like, yo, you know what? I'm trying to do this just. Because I want it, not for any other motivation. Just because it's Thursday. That's why I'm trying to be great on this piano. It's a mask. And so when I learned that, I could no longer carry anything that I was carrying. I couldn't carry hate because all I felt was empathy. That was the first time I've ever felt empathy for him. And it's not an excuse for anything that he did at all. It's not that the door they haven't. But I can't expect him to be in that space when he hasn't even dealt with the things that are going on inside him. So it was a uh a humbling moment. I cried. Man, I cried. It was that old hurt, it had to just all come out and be buried. And it just in Jesus' name laid it right there. And I forgive him. I forgive him. I forgive him. Because you forgave me. He didn't have what was needed. And I saw that you brought those who had it into my life. And I thank you for that, God. I thank you for bringing my granddad into my life and the time that you gave me him. I thank you for the time of having my uncle in my life. I thank you for my dad. I thank you for my teacher. I thank you for the women in between time to love me, the my aunts and grandma and mama in between time. While I learned all of these things, and while I dealt with all these issues, I thank you, Father, for being my heavenly father. I thank you that you've always been there. All those areas that I felt abandoned, all those areas where I felt like I wasn't love, all those areas where I felt like I had to prove myself to be love or to be exempt or to be good enough. You just saw me and said, You're precious in my sight. The Bible says, You're fearfully and wonderfully me. Me. Ephesians 2 10 says that we are God's workmanship. Created to do good works in Him. The word workmanship means poem. And poet in Greek is magnificent. You're the best thing that he ever did. And so it I understood God's love more when I showed it in an area that was uncomfortable. Because don't get it twisted, folks. I was a Christian since 12 years old. Okay. And I've still been living this life.

SPEAKER_03 47:25

Right. Right.

SPEAKER_06 47:27

You know, it's raw and uncut over here. Ain't gonna sugarcoat. You know what I'm saying? What God is doing, because I can cuss you out in one second and then talk to you about Jesus in the next. He's still working on it.

SPEAKER_02 47:40

Yes, and I think that's I think that's a a great point to uh give thanks to, first of all, but just kind of looking at some of the things you've gone through. It's like a loving grief type thing you've gone through, like from the longing of the father, and and then that aspiring to be love, so you did a whole lot trying to please him, and then all of that being smacked in your face and turn turning it to hate, and then this type of vengeance, like you know, I'm trying to do everything that's not you and look at me because I'm not you, and then empathy, and then to end it with forgiveness because God forgave you, Jesus forgave you. You know, that's really an amazing journey. And you kind of look at the way things are now. Everybody is so caught up in their own self-righteousness and their own I'm gonna do it this way, my way, not in any other way. That's not something that I can tangibly touch, feel, believe in my own head about my life. You know what I mean? So they fail to drop what it means to be spiritually engaged, and you can see in your journey that it's pretty much full circle. I mean, you've seen the all of those different, you know, things that happen with your biological father, even though you freaking and I'm not a doctor, I'm not a counselor, it's just hearing your story, so just seeing that full circle of how everything happened with him and came back to you learning the lessons from your stepdad, excuse me, your dad, and then still forgiving him while changing lives in your own children's like you're still kind of dealing with a little bit of pain, but but solving it and redirecting things with your children, and I'm just amazed at how supportive your family with your your mother and your your dad and you know was in that whole thing. How it was a lot of growth from everybody, just hearing it, everybody were were growing in different ways and different directions for it to be you, the one person saying, Hey, it all worked out because this was God's plan. That's just an amazing story, uh amazing life. Let me just say that.

SPEAKER_06 50:29

That's why I got I have no complaints. I really don't.

SPEAKER_02 50:35

Like I always say you could, but nobody would care.

SPEAKER_06 50:38

Right, that's true. That's true. I mean, social media is filled with it, you know. That's all that's all we do. Like, look in the comment sections of a YouTube video, you'll see how bored people are, apparently.

SPEAKER_03 50:51

Yeah. You have to say some of that stuff isn't funny. Because I like TikTok every now and then. I like to laugh.

SPEAKER_06 50:58

But it's hilarious. I start to treat it like I mean, it is probably a terrible place to say this, but I treat people's opinions and comments back to the Marine Corps like assholes. Like everybody has one.

SPEAKER_02 51:16

That's true.

SPEAKER_06 51:20

What's gonna find me? What's gonna, what's gonna actually have impact? What's gonna do something in my life? If it ain't got that, five shit. And so like that's I I'm at a point in my life to where I really wanna be very open with my kids about my story and my journey, not as a back in my day type, but just having them understand that like what they see before them today took work. It took work, and it and it I wish I could say it only started in adulthood, but it didn't. I was a child, and it's it's a lifelong journey. I teach them, you know, the same things my parents taught me. The habits that you start now, you'll keep until adulthood. Remember the actions like my parents don't even know the impact. That's the crazy, they don't understand the impact, and I'm only one of their kids. You know, there's four of us.

SPEAKER_02 52:25

Yeah, and I would hope to have all of them on this podcast.

SPEAKER_06 52:31

That would be cool.

SPEAKER_02 52:32

I would really like to hear each person's perspective and then have you all together if possible on one podcast to kind of That would be dope.

SPEAKER_06 52:44

That would be dope. Have my brothers and sister on here, that would be dope. Because just to hear their perspective on things, because you're uh you're you're too easy to talk to. It's too easy to pour all these out, you know.

SPEAKER_02 53:01

Well, thank you for that because my intentions, my intentions was that exactly for this podcast. The reason for starting this podcast because I feel, you know, I had a tough childhood, I had a tough upbringing, and it was through my eyes, and kind of like you what you referred to and mentioned before, it was through your child's eyes. And the same thing with me. Things that went on with me happened through my eyes. That may not have been that way for, you know, my mom or my stepdad. You know, I identify with with everybody who's had a stepdad, who's had the deadbeat biological dad, who's had to try and grow up by making tons of mistakes, but coming back around to finding out who I am and and wanting to share that and help other people. You know, and I think everybody has a story. Everybody wants to talk about these things outside of the clinical world. I'm just trying to say. I mean, and you don't have to always you know, I say it all the time. We take care of we. You know, we used to keep things in our families, but the world and society is changing, the views of certain things and the dynamic of families being broken down, and I try to stay transparent with my own kids. I try to stay real with my own kids because there's social media, like you said, is full of all kinds of things, full of all kinds of misleading stuff. But if you stick to the root and the ground and foundation of family and love, love, all of this other stuff doesn't matter.

unknown 54:37

You know?

SPEAKER_06 54:38

Right there. Jesus says love covers a multitude of sins. And it is because of God's love that we can even see heaven. Because I don't know why it's it doesn't hit the way that it needs to time and time again, but people glaze over John 3.16. They glaze over for God's so loved the world that he gave his only begotten. I'm not giving my child for y'all.

SPEAKER_02 55:08

Oh that hear an age.

SPEAKER_06 55:12

I'm not. You know, you I'm I'm sorry. You only gonna see judge from me. If you done did something and and you got yourself into something, figure it out. I mean, like, my kid ain't paying for free. No, you know, and and that's that's why I love God so much. Because he first loved me. Like exactly, and he showed it, and I'm I'm sorry, you're not you're not taking my child for your wrongdoing. I couldn't even imagine just to sit and ponder on that and like and you you said something earlier about the mentality of the family. They used to say, you know, what goes on in our house stays in our house. My family has redefined that. Because, like I told you earlier, I'm still learning from my parents, and we're still all growing. We're in a dynamic as a family to where we can comfortably and sit and talk about these things. And it should, huh?

SPEAKER_02 56:30

I said that's great. That's great.

SPEAKER_06 56:32

Yes. It it shouldn't be what it is, because I know exactly what you're talking about. But what if what goes on in our house stays in our house is abuse? What if what goes on in our house is a drunk father? What if what goes on and stays in our house is a promiscuous, you know, mother? You know, like what what if what if those are things that are going on? So we're teaching our kids to turn a blind eye, but then we wonder why people turn a blind eye at the street when something bad is happening.

SPEAKER_04 57:06

Oh wow, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 57:08

In in our family, we're changing that dynamic to where we're saying, hey, let's actually deal with these hurt so that we don't perpetuate a legacy of hurt.

SPEAKER_02 57:19

Oh wow. That's deep. I need you to say that again.

SPEAKER_06 57:24

Yeah. One more time. Bring it back. Let's actually deal with our hurt instead of perpetuating a legacy of hurt. We don't need this in our bloodline, folks. We don't need to say just because something happened to dad, now I'm gonna catch the rap. No, let's let's deal with that. Because something that something else I just realized, my granddaddy was a stepdaddy. You know, the man that I know and love didn't start out as dad. He made the same choice that my dad made.

SPEAKER_02 58:08

That's true, huh? Yeah, your mom is a product of blended family stepdad situation. Yep.

SPEAKER_06 58:19

Yeah. So what the difference is exactly what we're talking about right now. Let's choose something different. Let's not perpetuate a legacy of hurt. Let's choose to talk about it, let's choose to deal with it. And that's what Yachty is all about.

SPEAKER_02 58:36

And on that note, I think that's a good point for us to stop here. Because I know, like you said, we could talk forever about this, and I really appreciate it. I would love to have you back on again. And like I said, I would love to have each of your siblings on here and you guys all together. But um, I thank you so much for giving us the opportunity to hear your story.

SPEAKER_06 59:01

Thank you for listening.

SPEAKER_02 59:03

I mean, it's really, I think, you know, just talking about it helps a lot of people. Just talking about it raw, like you did, helps a lot of people because we deal with those situations in our head, raw. So why not be able to say it out of our mouth and not cling on to things that are unhealthy?

SPEAKER_06 59:22

That's right.

SPEAKER_02 59:23

So, but I really appreciate it. And thank you, listeners, for listening to Yachty. Yes, I have daddy issues. We'll have JD back on again. But for this podcast, we're gonna bring it to an end. I want you to be your best beautiful, always be thankful for every little thing that you go through and everything that you accomplish and everything that you conquer. So I really appreciate you again for listening. If you want to share your story, hey, hit me up at ebony.finesse one. That's ebony.finesse, the number one at gmail.com. I really appreciate it, you guys. Talk to you next time. Love you, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:13

Hey, editor here. Thank you for listening to this episode of Yes, I have daddy issues. Visit us again on our regular platform day every Friday on your favorite listening platform. Feel free to connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, and even TikTok.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:29

Thank you so much for listening. But before we go, I want you to remember you are enough. You are sinking. And most of all, love your stuff more than anyone else ever did.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:53

Also, be sure to check us out on social media for Sneaker Peak Wednesdays. Every Wednesday is a preview of our upcoming episode on that Friday.