Recapaholics: A Recap of Farmer Wants a Wife Season 4

Farmer Wants a Wife (Season 4) Cowboys and Reverse Cowboys

• Christine and Michelle • Season 11 • Episode 1

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Yep! We are Back with another season of Farmer Wants a Wife!!

Join Christine and Michelle as they introduce the farmers of season 4: Braden Pridemore is a 26-year-old fifth generation farmer from Homer, IL.  Brett Maverick is a 35 years old horse and cattle farmer from Savannah, TN.   Sean Cavanaugh is 22 years old and has a farm-to-table produce farm in Solvang, CA.  

We meet 27 women competing for the hearts of our three farmers.  We give our predictions on who will make it to the farm and who will be the winner.  

Grab a glass of wine and join another season of extraordinary fun that is Recapaholics!

SPEAKER_05

Welcome to ReCapaholics. I'm Christine. And I'm Michelle. And we're two lifelong friends and moms who like to drink wine and dab about reality shows. So thank you for joining us and stick around.

SPEAKER_06

Recap a holic. Pour it up, zip it down. Laugh it off, twist the crown. Clink goes to class. Here comes the sex. Spilling it now.

SPEAKER_01

Hello, Michelle. Hello, Christy. Welcome to a new season of Farmer Wants a Wife.

SPEAKER_03

Oh no.

SPEAKER_01

We're back with season four. We are insane. Why are we doing this to ourselves? Why are we torturing our listeners with this as well? Joy of this show is that our listeners do not have to watch the show. Yeah. We watch it for them. When we first saw that the show was coming back, we were so excited because we were like, I was so excited.

SPEAKER_05

Okay, okay. Let's keep it real. I was in shock. I can't believe it. I can't believe anyone's watching this. I'm like, who's gonna be our host? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Who's gonna host the show? Yes, we had high hopes. We had we started off with Jennifer Nettles in season one. Yeah. She was great. She was unbelievable.

SPEAKER_05

She, I even thought Reba, maybe? Ooh, I would have loved that. And give me some Reba. She's already hosting a show, but I think probably NBC owns her. Something like that. That's what I thought.

SPEAKER_01

We've got Jennifer Nettles again.

SPEAKER_05

No, we don't. Sorry. How much cognac have you had?

SPEAKER_01

Only only half last. Sorry. Oh my god. You know who we have again? Who do we have? Are you sure? No. I don't want to be sure. Who is it, Christine? We have Kimberly Paisley again. Early morning cognac is a great idea. You know what? It's almost noon.

SPEAKER_05

Somewhere, yes. It is almost noon.

SPEAKER_01

That's an excellent point. What was I thinking? I was listening to Murder Death. Why are you listening to the Murder Death podcast? Because I'm out of credits on Audible, so I can't listen to any sexy smut. Oh, I wish, yeah. I think they replenished today. Oh, the sex your credits, you can go back to listen to sexy smut.

SPEAKER_05

That's what everyone should be listening to. I think the world would be a better place if we all listened to sexy smut. You like the cheese and the meat. It was like, yeah, I'm not gonna give away my trade secrets. No, I made that. I was gonna say I bought it from Trader Joe's, but seeing the how impressed you are, you sat with the milk and made it into candy and molded it. Churned the butter. I did all of that. Wow. I started watching, it's not sexy at all, but The Testament. It's like part two of what's that show with Gilead.

SPEAKER_01

Oh less than fruit. And is it the from the daughter's perspective? The daughter's perspective. I saw a commercial for that. It looked brilliant.

SPEAKER_05

It's brilliant. Because we've only seen it from the outsider perspective. Yeah. It's brilliant. But it just the whole purpose of it, not the whole purpose of it, but one of the things that's starting to happen is now the girl is part of now she can be married. The daughter is old enough to be married. Oh boy. And immediately because I think she's like 14. Yeah, she got her period. Immediately men try start trying to fuck her. Like immediately. And it reminded me, I was watching like this like 1980s version of Supergirl getting preparing for the other supergirl to come out. But I saw that it popped up. I'm like, oh, there's an old super girl. So I'm watching the old supergirl. She comes to Earth after her cousin's here. She comes to Earth. And as soon as she lands, guys try to fuck her. Wow. She has on a cape, for God's sake. A shell of protection. A shell, and they're like, Come here, you six, you got a pretty mouth. And she's what the fuck are you? And then when she like rejects them, they get violent and they try to rape her. Wow. Immediately, she's been hurt for five minutes.

SPEAKER_01

Old time TV. That's why it's not on TV anymore. Like we used to love watching Dukes a Hazard, Harry and I. I love Dukes of Hazard. But they sexualize Daisy Duke so much. Yeah, but that was her shtick. They're like, we can't really do that anymore.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah. I think if they remade that, which they have, I think they did in the 90s. She was still over sexualized then, but now she would have an office job. She would be like, she would be like the boss bitch.

SPEAKER_01

Her shorts would be like six inches longer.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah. Maybe a nice little like ankle-length skirt or something. But jeans, definitely. But say this because you it is like this time jump into the farmer one-to-whife franchise. I think it's in a great segue because it is like a nod to traditional values in a way. They don't make out on camera. They don't make out on camera. They go behind the convenience store to make out bachelor's having to pass, or not bachelor's, like the farmers having to pass. Or like Ryan, the first season, he just made out with everyone. He did not give a made out with everyone.

SPEAKER_01

He kept his hands to himself. It was a very G-rated version of The Bachelor. He was the mouth whore. He was a mouth whore. Yes. We called him the mouth whore. This is one of your better shishtery boards, Michelle.

SPEAKER_04

What?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I'm I am impressed. Everything looks pretty, it tastes great. I like your meat. I like your cheese. I like your frattata. That's what she said.

SPEAKER_05

And she brought me whoppers. I did. Whoppers are always the front and center of my shoshittery boards here.

SPEAKER_01

I'm saying your whole thing about how the raping of the dolphins was false. You have to do an apology corner.

SPEAKER_05

To dolphins? Apologize to the dolphins? I will not apologize to dolphins. They do rape people.

SPEAKER_01

Okay, so Michelle, that is not true. I am you know what? When you told me that, I was so I was so shocked that I didn't even question it.

SPEAKER_05

First of all, you should question everything I say. But secondly, dolphins are the bullies of the sea. Everyone knows that. They travel in packs or pods, whatever. They find little innocent sharks and they surround them and they beat them to death with their noses. What? It's true. And the fact that they are I'm really questioning this. And the fact that they're sexual, you know, I wrote I wrote on Baby Shark for many years. On that cartoon show? Cartoon show. Have a lot of shark and dolphin fat. And not only did they do they are they the bullies of the sea, they do in fact rape human beings.

SPEAKER_01

You had some weird statistics.

SPEAKER_05

14 people.

SPEAKER_04

And there's reported 14 human dolphin rapes.

SPEAKER_05

The other way with dolphin rapes, humans, but every year. And you since learned that that's not true. Look, there's no board of dolphins that go around and survey people. They don't show up at the police stations and get rape kits.

SPEAKER_01

You got the statistic from the guy who built made by the dolphins to build the underground world for them. And he got the permits. Yeah. Permits. He had black, he had blueprints.

SPEAKER_05

Look, I'm not saying he got kidnapped by dolphins. I'm saying he could have gotten kidnapped by dolphins, but he would have definitely been sexually assaulted. That's where the story falls apart.

SPEAKER_01

I definitely think that he got abducted by aliens way more than he got abducted by dolphins.

SPEAKER_05

Uh-huh. There was this is it a senator who said he got adult he got abducted by aliens and transported to the Waffle House?

SPEAKER_01

Is that was that Senator Swalwell? That's why he resigned.

SPEAKER_04

That's why he's fine the hot water.

SPEAKER_01

Have you ever eaten at a Waffle House? Kind of around here, right? I don't think I've seen a Waffle House. Is that something in the South?

SPEAKER_05

It must sound like a something in the South or Texas. Texas is South. Here it is. Greg Phillips is the director of the office of FEMA. And he said he was out and about. He got lifted out of his car by aliens and transported to the Waffle House. Surprisingly, the Waffle House cannot confirm this.

SPEAKER_01

It cannot validate his We cannot confirm or deny these allegations. His allegations. He has no one to back up his claims. FEMA, man. What are they putting in the FEMA buffet?

SPEAKER_05

I have no idea. Not only does he think it happened, he went public with it. And he contacted the press and said, look when he was sober. Was he though? He convinced himself. He stood, he's standing on his business no matter how obscene it sounds. I believe in aliens.

SPEAKER_01

I believe in aliens, but I don't believe in dolphin rape. That's ridiculous.

SPEAKER_05

Why is it possible for aliens to come down and take this dude to the Waffle House?

SPEAKER_01

A new season of Farmer Wants a Why? I think only the American version doesn't want the why. In every other country, it's a legit dating show that has created something like 250 marriages.

SPEAKER_05

Wow. And is it because everyone's trying to be influencers? Or in or is it because let's say one of the places this franchise is like the back uh excuse me, the backhoe. The backhoe of Australia. I mean, there is no girl. This is somebody to marry.

SPEAKER_01

This is the thing. A quarter of the women who are contestants on Farmer One's Wife have professional modeling careers.

SPEAKER_04

Oh God.

SPEAKER_01

Their motivation is not to find a husband, it's to further their career. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05

And I think part of it also is I don't think the farmers really want a wife. They don't. They're not. The dude in California is in California.

SPEAKER_01

He's 22 years old. He's not looking for a wife. He's looking to bang some hot girls. Aren't we all?

SPEAKER_05

I can't fault him for that, Christine. But Farmer Wants a Wife is not an accurate title. Or maybe we should be positive about this.

SPEAKER_01

Is it our energy that is creating the failure of the American section of Farmer Wants a Wi? Maybe this is the season where one of these three are actually gonna look for one. So that's the thing. This season, 27 return to the rural life in search of romance. Uh-huh. We've got only three farmers. So that's a switch. We've had four farmers in the past. I don't know what this is gonna do.

SPEAKER_05

Because the four, at least the four farmers flipping back and forth, it was semi-entertaining.

SPEAKER_01

Because it did make like a 15-minute per farm episode. Yeah. Now it's just what's happening? What is gonna happen? Do you think that we're gonna see more of actual relationship development?

SPEAKER_05

Whatever you're gonna ask, no. I don't think there will be. I think, and I'm crossing my fingers about this. I could be totally wrong. They finally listened to our pleas, and they're gonna inject some drama into these uh.

SPEAKER_01

I'm really hoping there's gonna be some drama in the episodes too. We've got four farmers. I mean, sorry, we've got three farmers. Do you want to talk about the farmers first? Yeah?

SPEAKER_05

Yes, yes. Oh, wait, I do have one more thing. Farmer Went's Wives, season four. For some reason, they brought Kimberly William Paisley back. That's the first thing I wanted to talk about. Oh, let's talk about this. Okay, can I? Do you agree or disagree? And this is the thing about her. I she's a Hollywood star. She married this country boy, pseudo Brad Paisley. I don't know how.

SPEAKER_01

And Brad Paisley is a very popular country artist. I don't feel like he's a farmer either.

SPEAKER_05

And she's fucking adorable. She's so cute. She's maintained, she's like Jennifer Gardner, where she's been adorable from the ages of 19 until whatever now.

SPEAKER_01

You know what I think they're gonna do this year is give her an entire wardrobe team. Oh god, they did her dirty last season. They did her, it was distracting.

SPEAKER_05

It was distracting. Would you call it Little House in a prayer? That's right. Yes. Yes. And talk about a host that has to sew their own clothing and look like she stayed up all night with one of those little hobby lobby little, those little kid sewing machines. That's right.

SPEAKER_01

And sewed her stuff with one of those out-of-day patterns. And all of the fabric that got from Joanne's fabric after they closed.

SPEAKER_05

As they went, it's like clearance. We need more flowers, add a petticoat to that jean skirt. It was nonsense. But and we couldn't understand why it was such a downgrade because Jennifer Nettles, her style was impeccable.

SPEAKER_01

She had this beautiful style about her. Yes. That you just wanted. And even if you didn't really love that country life, you wanted to dress like her. I wanted to dress like her.

SPEAKER_05

And I feel like someone was out to get Kimberly. Like maybe a PA on Nashville 911. She wronged, and they got a gig being her stylist on the show, and they got revenge. Because it was really hard to watch her. It was distracting.

SPEAKER_01

They might have listened to us and they're like, we're gonna show those girls. I always think they listened to us.

SPEAKER_04

Is that narcissistic of us?

SPEAKER_05

I think Fox is sitting here. Michael Roach, the lawyer at Fox, is still listening to us. Okay, so some couple updates. Yeah, tell me. Okay. Last season, Farmer J ended up with Princess Grace. Yes. And they broke up immediately.

SPEAKER_01

And we did not want him to choose Princess Grace.

SPEAKER_05

Okay, I did not want him to choose Princess Grace. I was okay with it because she seems all in and all in on him and all in and moving to Butt Buck. Whereas Karina. It's easy to say hindsight, but I think at the time we were like, Karina probably fed in fit in better with his family when she visited the farm.

SPEAKER_03

When she visited that what you say, visited the farm.

SPEAKER_05

She fit in better. Anyway, they broke up. Coldfish Matt and oh and Chelsea.

SPEAKER_01

He was such a coldfish. And he had that beautiful ranch. Why are they such cold fishes?

SPEAKER_05

You come on the show, you have fun. He was cute. He was so cute. But you remember he was in the hot tub with and he wouldn't look at her.

SPEAKER_01

The singer.

SPEAKER_05

Yes. Oh, Jordan. Yes, Jordan. Yes. Coldfish Matt was in the hot tub with Jordan, and he couldn't even. I couldn't stop looking at her. He avoided eye contact. And I'm like, oh no, this is gonna be a long season. They had because they amped up on oysters, right? Yes.

SPEAKER_01

I'm thinking, he had every opportunity.

SPEAKER_05

Every opportunity. But it wasn't only with her. He had everyone, right? Do you think he could be gay?

SPEAKER_04

He's from California.

SPEAKER_05

He's an avocado farmer. All these things are adding up. It's possible. I don't think he is. I think he's socially inept. Yeah, he is definitely socially inept. And most of these women were outgoing and they just weren't at his speed. His speed is reverse. I think, yeah, but Debra, he chose Chelsea who looked like Kate Beckinsell. Yes. And of course they broke up.

SPEAKER_01

Mind you, this show has aired in multiple countries. There have been 250 successful marriages.

SPEAKER_05

Uh-huh. And like 250 kids. Yes. And John, former John, who was who's independent. He looks like he was a wealthy farmer. Like he was wealthy. He was a lawyer. He's going to go for law school. He had to choose between Oh, she was a nut job. Nut Claire?

unknown

No.

SPEAKER_05

Oh, you mean Samantha? Yeah, Samantha. Samantha was will always be his lot long lost love. Yeah. The one who got away. But uh her and Clara, he chose, they got into a little fight. You know this? I saw that they broke up. Oh yeah. And then Samantha was like, I knew it. I knew you were gonna last. But I'm like, Samantha, you left. Why do you care? She had those buggy eyes. But Holton, the man, the man, the math war for that season.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, that was his name. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05

He made everyone kiss him, even if they didn't want to. He took him to sit on a rock by the creek. Terrible. And then shoved his tongue down her throat. He actually got married. Oh, he did. Not to Zoe, not the contestant that he chose. Oh, I didn't know that. A totally different woman. Yeah. On December 22nd. Oh, wow. Last year he got married.

SPEAKER_01

Uh-huh. Just in time for Christmas.

SPEAKER_05

Just in time for Christmas to Cassie McAllen.

SPEAKER_01

Wow.

SPEAKER_05

So farmer did want one.

SPEAKER_01

Just not one of the ones that were provided to him.

SPEAKER_05

I don't know their deal, but he has a tendency of getting women pregnant. That's all I'm saying. I can't prove it. I'm just putting that out there.

SPEAKER_01

And that was my weekly. Wow. Should we talk about the farmers for this season? Why not? There's just three of them.

SPEAKER_03

Okay.

SPEAKER_01

Is this the same cognac from your brother-in-law? I like your brother-in-law. Drinking cognac at home. Why do I only drink it at your house? Season four.

SPEAKER_03

I just can't believe it. Who's watching this? Who's watching this?

SPEAKER_01

Okay. Okay, here we go. Thank God. Braden. Is that who you want to talk about first? Braden, right? You're Demore? You're right, Demore?

SPEAKER_05

He's got the black hat. That's usually reserved for the black farmer. So this is really weird.

SPEAKER_01

He must be ethnically ambiguous. He's 26 years old from Homer, Illinois. I know where Homer is. Is that by Homer Fossmore in Illinois? I know where that is. Is that the same? Isn't Kimberly Paisley from Illinois? That's her roots. Oh, originally from Illinois. Yeah, okay. Yeah. I'm also from Illinois, so. I know. We forgive you.

SPEAKER_05

There's no noise in Illinois. According to this press release, he works on his family's 3,000-acre farm.

SPEAKER_01

Michelle, he's a fifth generation corn and soybean farmer.

SPEAKER_05

This is a tough time to be a soybean farmer. This is really a tough time. And he took time off from his busy, struggling schedule to film Farmer One Show.

SPEAKER_01

Five generations of farmers is a dwindling asset in America.

SPEAKER_05

It is. It is. And 3000s ain't nothing to sneeze at. That's nice to be.

SPEAKER_01

Take some space to grow some corn and soybean. He has a secondary passion.

SPEAKER_05

Is it law school? Is he in medical school? What's his real job?

SPEAKER_04

Songwriter. Oh my god, he's like the Hatsfeed man. What was the guy?

SPEAKER_05

Yeah. Hunter. Hunter in the Hat Speed every season. Yeah, there's always a musician in the back, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01

So this is the thing. Does that make you question his sincerity? Is he trying to become famous? Are we going to see him singing a lot?

SPEAKER_05

You know what? This is what I I bet he's going to try to find a girl who shares his passion for music. I feel like any of the ladies in the bunch are also musically inclined. That that's probably gonna help their chances. I don't feel like for some reason I'm looking at his picture. I'm in taste of country, I'm looking at his picture.

SPEAKER_01

He looks sensible. He does look sensible.

SPEAKER_05

He looks sensible, but look, maybe he's also attractive, so look. Maybe he does want to be a singer. And maybe he's gonna try to get Kimberly to introduce her to his husband or something. I don't know. I don't know. Would I have sex with him? I think that's the most important question. Would you have sex with this man? Oh my gosh, it's always about that with you, Michelle. I think that's what it gets down to is our Okay. Can I say that I like his facial hair? This is the first time in Farmer Wentz Wife history that the contestants, 100% of the contestants, have facial hair.

SPEAKER_01

He has both the short beard and mustache. And it's patchy, Christine.

SPEAKER_05

Take a good look at that face. Beards aren't for everyone. I applaud him for trying, but one side of his face is bald and the other side is more filled out. It's definitely slimmer on the jawline. He's a handsome guy. He doesn't need facial hair. I don't know why he thought that was a good idea.

SPEAKER_01

Shame on you. Do you have a picture of Brett up? Oh God. Okay, I'm gonna show you something. Okay, I want to chew to compare Brett to Alan from season one.

SPEAKER_05

That's immediately what I thought of when they're twins. They're twins. I think this is this is Alan's illegitimately illegitimate. I can't say son because the math ain't math, and but a lost cousin or something. I saw that. And is it the mustache? It's the face, bro. It's the whole face. It's not only the mustache.

SPEAKER_01

It looks like awkward Alan. It's really throwing me off. Brett, no. Brett, Matt.

SPEAKER_05

Ooh, ooh. Everybody likes it. Maverick. He might be making up for the weird mustache. 35 years old.

SPEAKER_01

He's from Savannah. Tennessee. Where the hell is Savannah, Tennessee? When somebody says Savannah, you're like Georgia. Right? And he's a horse and cattle farmer. He's got a thousand acres. That seems legit. That's legitimate. That's a lot of he must have a lot of animals grazing. I was so not surprised to learn that he was a former bull rider. He looks like a bull rider. Is it the mustache? He is the epitome. I said the same thing of Alan. He's the epitome of the cow, the cowboy. You would go to the rodeo, and this is who's there. That's who you expect to see when you go to the rodeo.

SPEAKER_05

Yes, absolutely. He has a white hat. His eyebrows are nicely done, nicely manicured eyebrows. The mustache is just why?

SPEAKER_01

I would love to ask him why. I really want to see if his mustache speaks to him while Alan spoke to him. This is what I'm psychic now, right? I do know that you've been psychic. Yeah, I'm psychic.

SPEAKER_05

This is what I'm picking up from this. I feel like he had a whole face of hair. Oh. And he shaved his beard. Because he knew he was gonna be on TV. Yeah, he shaved his beard just for this and left behind the bushy mustache. Whoa. Go on a record of saying that. He cut that mullet down a little bit because we had a mullet, Christine.

SPEAKER_01

So it's an interesting thing with the new generation of people, because we're old now. So there's a new generation. Speak for yourself, Christine. He is building a protein bar company and a tequila brand. Wow. Which is like a social media presence, right?

SPEAKER_05

It is. You drink the tequila and then you sober up with the power bars. But he obviously is not just a farmer. Just, who is it, Brad or Brayton wasn't just the farmer. He's also a musician. Would you have sex with?

SPEAKER_01

You know what? I want to say no because I really associate him with Alan. But it's so close to my roots. Like when you grow up in Mud Lake, you'd go to the rodeo. Bashing.

SPEAKER_05

Funny bashing capital of the world. This is all you see there. Oh my god. Is this all you see there? They all look like that. Oh man. You look, I can't. This is a side profile. I imagine he's an attractive guy. I would have to see his ass before I can make that determination. Do you want to talk about Sean? This might as well. We're doing it. He looks like this is my. Did you ever watch Twilight?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. No, but I know what you're talking about. Yes.

SPEAKER_05

Taylor Larth Lartham. He does. And he might be our ethnic farmer.

SPEAKER_01

He just looks like he's from California. He does not look like the other two farmers. He does not look at the California. He's not from Tennessee. You know that he's not from Illinois. Yes, he's from Solvane. It's like the Dutch capital. Everybody wants to go to Salvane. When you come to California, you got to take a little weekend trip to go to Salvane. Yeah. It's the place to be right now. It is. And he has a farm to table produce company. And that's what you expect to see when you go to Salving. That's what you expect. It's adorable. Have you done this before? I've never done that. You've done it. It's so fantastic. Every week it's a different menu.

SPEAKER_05

You walk into the restaurant, you point to the cow you want slaughtered.

SPEAKER_01

None of that's true. And they trot all the cows out and they tell you their names, and then you have to check you have to. It's like a big communal table where you sit with all of these people who you don't know, and it's supposed to be very social. And you eat what's in season. Which is the cow they trot out, right? It is beef and it's not just vegetables. It's not just vegetables. But it might be like 10 courses. It's multiple little courses. So the whole thing is that you just eat a bunch of little plates. Do we consider him a farmer then? I mean, he's growing something.

SPEAKER_05

He's growing the fire in my pants, is what he's growing.

SPEAKER_01

He's got 22 acres, Michelle. And that's a lot in California.

SPEAKER_05

That is a lot. Some acres cost money. And Solving is very quiche. It's very like that's probably some expensive land. It is probably some expensive land. I feel like they're having their moment. Before that, I feel like Idlewall was a place to go. This is true. Yeah, I feel like these little towns are all having their moments here.

SPEAKER_01

I still haven't been to Solving. You've been there. You got some good. He's growing tomatoes and peaches and figs, kiwis and avocados. Avocado is the official vegetable of California.

SPEAKER_05

I can't prove that. I don't know if that's true, but our cars run on avocado oil here in California.

SPEAKER_01

That's great. Oh, he's focused driven and ready for something real. Fuck that. Look at the biceps. He's 22 years old, Michelle. You know what he can do at 22 years old? He's probably super flexible, Christine.

SPEAKER_05

He's probably super flexible because he's from California. So he probably takes yoga or something. He does not need sparks from Rome. He does not. He doesn't need nothing. Look at the veins bulging in his muscles. Okay, let's take a chat. Just take a second and compare the California farmer with Aqua Dallan 2.0.

unknown

Okay.

SPEAKER_01

At 22 years old, are you ready to get married? You are not. He's at his prime.

SPEAKER_05

He's in his fucking. And when we say he's in his prime, you should see this picture. He's in his fucking prime, guys. He's a gym rat. He hits the gem. And if he finds himself in a hot tub, which producers, please make sure he finds himself.

SPEAKER_01

Holy has some abs. And the thing is, I also think that he's gonna be hot on whatever girl is in the hot tub with him. Yeah. Well, wait a minute.

SPEAKER_05

I'm not prepared to say that. He might be. He has all the makings to be hot. Please don't disappoint us. But they're there never are, Christine.

SPEAKER_01

They're always wet fish. He says it says that he is a California native with strong roots in both architecture and hospitality.

SPEAKER_05

Just making up stuff now, Christine. He has a strong architecture in his abs. Out of his 22 years on Earth, he's finally ready to settle down. He's been wildin' for 22 years.

SPEAKER_01

And I also felt he's gonna look at the girl next to him.

SPEAKER_05

He's gonna look at it.

SPEAKER_01

And his waist is set. It is snatched. Michelle's gonna have wet dreams about this poor 22-year-old tonight. Sean, which wet, dry, everything in the top. Wow.

SPEAKER_05

He's my type. I mean, he has again, I don't I could do without the patchy facial hair. I really could.

SPEAKER_01

They all have got this little patchy facial hair. That's all he can grow. He's barely 22.

SPEAKER_04

There's no room to grow anything else.

SPEAKER_01

Down below, it's all bald.

SPEAKER_03

There's only one way to prove it. Sean, send us a photo. And we uh we'll see what's going on down there.

SPEAKER_01

I just want to sleep with Sean because he's got a lot of stamina. He's 22. He'd go all night. But like in three-minute increments. I think I have a sick obsession. This is a hate obsession with I think that I liked Awkward Allen. I think so too.

SPEAKER_05

This was how I was with Ryan. I was very angry with Ryan, and then I realized maybe I have crushing Ryan. You think Awkward Allen? I love that you call him Awkward Allen 2.0. Brett. Brett, Brett, Brett, Brent is 35. He might legitimately want a wife.

SPEAKER_01

He might legitimately want a wife, but who wants to move to Savannah, Tennessee?

SPEAKER_05

If that's even a place. Is that real? We should look it up. That's true. But some of the contestants, maybe they're from Tennessee. And they're already there and they can't escape.

SPEAKER_01

Both you and I grew up in a place that we moved from. So why wouldn't these young ladies be willing to move from the place they grew up?

SPEAKER_05

Do you want to get into the ladies? Let's talk about it. Oh, sure.

SPEAKER_01

I love how you just rolled your eye.

unknown

Ah!

SPEAKER_01

Okay. Hello, Michelle. Hello, Christine. We're gonna recap. Hold on, my mouth. I drank my whole glass of cognac and now I'm like, what am I gonna drink next? I've got some wine for you. I got I brought the farmer's wine, but I think I want your Pinot instead.

SPEAKER_05

I think you should. Okay.

SPEAKER_01

That's how you sober up with Pinot. Okay, can I also say I love how considerate you are. You provided me with a bottle of water.

SPEAKER_05

I did. I did. So you can pull your shit together.

SPEAKER_01

Okay, can I just say really quick, did your husband Nick see the documentary on the microplastics?

SPEAKER_05

Oh, I started watching it.

SPEAKER_01

His head's gonna fucking explode.

SPEAKER_05

I started watching it, but it's not anything we don't already know. They're fucking poisoning us to death.

SPEAKER_01

There are micro you cannot escape. There's no way everywhere. They're in your floor, Michelle. Michelle, look at your floor. We are microplasticing ourselves by sitting in your living room right now on your sofa. It's in our food. Like I know. It it's insane. It's in our clothes. Everything. And it's affecting fertility. It is protecting the fertility. And so the whole thing about the show. The hands made tail. It's it's a real life hands made tail. Yeah, it is. It is. The generation is becoming infertile because of microplastics.

SPEAKER_05

There's people like men fertility is tanking. We need more war. Or we need to get them in the military. Or they need to do more manly things and just get rid of the microplastic.

SPEAKER_01

The people who are the scientists come into the home and they're like, you can't use that toothpaste because the toothpaste is just from plastic. You can't drink out of this glass. You can't microwave your dinners. Yeah. You change your lifestyle. Yeah. And in a period of 60 dates, they're better. They're fertile. They're better.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah. It's crazy. And it's like people were like, Advil causes autism. I'm like, it's probably the pound of plastic you're consuming, is probably the right. Because as a woman, you're brushing your teeth with that plastic. That's right. That's right. And you're making a person. And what do you get? Even when they used to have the plastic bottles when you used to feed the babies with the plastic bottles. Literally. It's weird that the rest of the world isn't making, or a lot of the world is making the connection. There's a small part of the other world that isn't. It's called America.

SPEAKER_00

Called America.

SPEAKER_05

You can't get this shit in other countries. For some reason, we're content poisoning ourselves. And our children. And our children definitely got to poison those children. And it won't be a problem until there's not enough young men to go into the military. Then they'll be like, wait a minute, maybe we should stop poisoning them. Because then they're going to start sending our girls. Yeah. Yeah. It is. But wait a minute. I know we're set to stay in the kitchen, but now you have to get a bayonet and go to war. I'm like, never mind. It is such an easy fix. No, nowhere else in the world.

SPEAKER_01

Poison their pink their kids like we do. 30 days, they changed their entire physiology. You're into documentaries, check out the It's on Netflix, right? Yeah. Everything's a Netflix. Everything's in it. There's a house show. It's like light porn.

SPEAKER_05

I'm sorry, but this is like a renovation show.

SPEAKER_01

No, that you house hunt. It's househunters softcore househunter porn. What are you talking about? It's on your subscription. It's on your HBO Cinematic subscription.

SPEAKER_05

I just need more to go on than these two things don't seem to be adding up. How are they working? You go to a house and you bone it out in the house?

SPEAKER_01

No, but they have all these sexual innuendos. Oh, like plugging holes in a exactly like that. They like fist bump and they're like, Yeah, I banged it out last night.

SPEAKER_04

What are you kidding me? Why am I not watching this? I don't know.

SPEAKER_01

You gotta look at my profile to see what I'm watching.

SPEAKER_05

It's too much stuff to watch.

SPEAKER_01

It's so much stuff to watch. Neighbors was full on X-rated. I love that for neighbors.

SPEAKER_05

X-rated, double X. And this is just basically about two people who are next door to each other or neighbors, and they have a B. They have a feud.

SPEAKER_01

But he's an exhibitionist.

SPEAKER_02

And then there starts being all penis exposure, all penis all the time.

SPEAKER_05

That's what we need on Farmer Wants a Wi. That's what I'm talking about. Producers. I gotta check that out too.

SPEAKER_01

So we are we have the names of the women who are participants in Farmer Wants a Wife. I don't believe anyone actually signed up for this again. Season four. We've got the three men, and they're opening up their hearts and their butts, their homes, Michelle. To 27 lovely young ladies. They're orphices. They're potential partners. Wow. Don't judge me on who I hang out with.

SPEAKER_03

And I'm gonna look at people. I'm gonna look at people.

SPEAKER_05

Okay, are we gonna talk about Braden's farm first? Okay, let's talk about Braden's farm. Braden is the musician. I have to look back at my own. He is. That wasn't a statement, that was a fact. He's a musician. Braden.

SPEAKER_01

All of these men have Braden is 26 years old from Homer, Illinois. He's got the 3,000 acres. That's nice.

SPEAKER_05

You can be on one side of your land and never have to see your wife and choose.

SPEAKER_01

This is a really good plan. I told Charlie this yesterday. I dated this guy when I went to Idaho State University, and he was a young, black young man. Black kids in Idaho State University? He came to play football.

SPEAKER_05

Oh, okay. There you go. Okay, well, that makes sense now.

SPEAKER_01

And he told me, he goes, I'm gonna get married, but me and my wife are gonna live in separate homes. Oh, that's genius. And I was thinking at the time that I was shocked, but now it's genius. It's genius.

SPEAKER_05

He knew even then, Christine. He had the plan. He was a man with the plant. He had a healthy fertility rate. He did. Man, we gotta look him up. Okay. The first person on Brain's Farm is Anna Paula. She's 26. She's from Miami, Florida. She's a journalist. She loves flamingo dancing. I'm gonna just stop you. I love that you're stopping me. Brandon's gonna be doing all flamingo dancing.

SPEAKER_01

What are you even? What's going on? There is no and you know what? I looked up these girls' social media profiles too. She has quite a following. Oh. But there is no way he's gonna choose her. No way. I don't think she's gonna make it to the farm.

SPEAKER_05

I don't think she's gonna make it to the farm either. Wow. Oh. She's lovely. She's cute. She's adorable. I had a similar dress. I'm sure she has some amazing legs. It ain't. Sorry. I'm so surprised. We don't often agree. We don't. This is the first person. Give it time for Brittany. She's 27. 27. She looks like the type that would make it to the farm. She's definitely gonna make it to the farm. She is a medical aesthetician. Last year it was anesthesiologist.

SPEAKER_01

There's these medical, there's always the medical professional or the selling of the drugs.

SPEAKER_05

Yes, yes, the pharmaceutical salespeople. This is a big thing. I feel like last year it was all nurses. It was just, it's always a big thing. And she is from Oregon. She's from Macmin. That's a lot of M's. Mac Miniville. Wow, I'm impressed. Again, I think they're making up these places. No one's ever heard of that. There's the thing called the map. There is.

SPEAKER_01

I'm gonna look this up and I bet there's no Mac Minival. I do that. She likes to make herself seem a little nerdy. Yeah. Because she says I love to read marbles. I love Marvel.

SPEAKER_05

I'm not a nerd. You are a nerd. Yes. I'm a geek. You are a geek. A nerd is smart. A geek that is like a speak out with Marl and stuff like that. So I don't know. I'm in her corner. She gets me. I feel like like Britney and I could let's hang out. She'd be totally weirded out by me, but we can hang.

SPEAKER_01

Michelle and I went to the Superman experience this week. We did. As a preview.

SPEAKER_05

We did at Warner Brothers as part of their tour. It was really exciting. It was so fun. And are you still recovering? I'm I went to the gym. I made a mistake of going to the gym and then going to this experience. And this experience, you have to save the world. And it's really top half heavy. It's a lot of kicking and punching and lifting.

SPEAKER_01

I don't want to brag, but can we just disclose who was the top score winner of the entire group?

SPEAKER_05

She she sh Christine would not bring it up if she was not the winner. And you know what? I always pick up a slack for the lady next to me. And mind you, I brought my young son. Yes. And two some moms. I'm not saying Christine, but some moms will let their little kid win. Christine was like, I'm wiping it for you. She, no mercy, but you saved the world.

SPEAKER_01

We saved the world. The entire world. Very fun. Cameron. She's cute. Adorable. Her hair.

SPEAKER_05

I can't just say all these women are fucking hot. They're always hot. I don't understand. If you're this hot and you're walking around, why are you a farmer once a wife? This makes no sense.

SPEAKER_01

Like I said, I've looked up these ladies' profiles. A majority of them are have professional modeling careers. Cameron's 26 years old. She's a real estate agent. Yes, she is.

SPEAKER_05

And she's from Adamstown. Is that Maryland? Maryland. Yeah. Maryland. Okay. I approve. That's a real place. Maryland's real. Maryland is. And she says, her fun fact is I ended up on Farmer Wants a Wife from a viral video my little sister posted.

SPEAKER_01

And might I also add my little sister hate her so much? That these farmers again said that they were contacted by the production team of Farmer Wants a Wife to actually be on the show.

SPEAKER_05

But here's the thing they're getting compensated. And these are tough times for farmers. You think they would be all about it. You think they would be contacting Farmer Wants or Wife. But I don't know if there's a stigma involved with that. Like once the cameras go off, then you're the guy in your small town who was on Farmer Wants a Wife. Which would make you be able to pull more girls, right? Yes. I don't see it as a negative, but maybe they view it as a negative. She's adorable.

SPEAKER_02

She is adorable.

SPEAKER_05

She might make it back to the farm. Can we talk about Carolyn? We can. 24, also adorable. I love Carolyn's coloring. I'm not a racist or anything, but I love her coloring. Her hair, her eyes, she has such long, beautiful locks. I mean, what is something? I feel like there's something ethnic going on here. She's from Peachtree City, Georgia.

SPEAKER_01

Ah, another mythical place in the South. She's an event coordinator, which I always feel like that kind of career is something that could translate to any farm in any city in the USA. She could move anywhere with that.

SPEAKER_05

She's also from the South. She says, All I talk about is Britney Spears. That is not sexy. I'm Brittany just got arrested again. That isn't always part of the rare, the small minority who thought she should not be granted independence. I honestly thought that. I'm like, there's a reason the judge did that. It was a benefit. It was a benefit. Because now, and can I just say I love Carolyn's dress?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05

I would wear that. It's just a knocker. She's do you think it's the push-up bra? I think she has a solid C cup going on there. Period.

SPEAKER_01

It's Carson is spelled wrong. Let's get the red pin out. What the hell's going on with the car? Your parent, your parents in the birthing room were like, eh, we want to name her Carson. We don't know how to spell it, but here you go. Let's put a Y in there.

SPEAKER_04

You know what we need a Y.

SPEAKER_01

Well, Carson's 25. Super cute.

SPEAKER_05

Nashville's cool. Nashville is cool. I watch a Nashville 911 with Kimberly Paisley. Shit pops off, man. Just ridiculous stuff happens in Nashville.

SPEAKER_01

Who knew? Not a big surprise. Her family comes from a music history. She's from Nashville. Come on. Depending on what Braden's type is.

SPEAKER_05

Is this Braden's farm? Yeah. She might go far. Shh. Because he's trying to pick up in the musical industry, and she's a musician. Wait, is she a musician? I just made that up.

SPEAKER_01

It says that her grandfather wrote and performed some of the biggest country hits.

SPEAKER_05

Oh gosh. Braden got a little Braden's getting excited just reading that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

His boner went big.

SPEAKER_05

Boner went. I was trying to be classy about it, Christine. Michelle. I said his little Braden. Braden. You just mean all skanky. I love that.

SPEAKER_01

AC. She's 27. Super cute. She's a project manager from Knottsville, Tennessee. She's hot.

SPEAKER_04

How old is Braden?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, Braden. So this is the thing. Do you ever think that a man would choose an older girl in any instance? It's because Braden is 26.

SPEAKER_05

She's like one year. He could be 27 right now, for all we know. I guess. I think that's pretty look. This is the thing. He's not gonna marry her anyway.

SPEAKER_01

He's not.

SPEAKER_05

I feel like the goal here is just to pick the woman who you can tolerate the most as long as you can. She's adorable. She doesn't seem comfortable in her own body, though. If that is Indian Indian Indian education. Michelle hasn't had any cognac day before noon. And I'm psychic now, Christine. I know these things. Beautiful girl doesn't seem comfortable in her own body. Adorable. She'll be a good worker on the farm though.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, you should bring her just for that. So I also think that these farmers have a very big motivation to choose somebody who will choose do labor. Hell yeah, free labor. So even if they think they might not choose that woman in the end, they're like, How much work can I get out of that?

SPEAKER_05

How much free work? And then they they lead them on just long enough to keep them on the farm until harvest is over. And then they can start cutting people. So speaking Faith is Faith doesn't look like she's gonna work over. She's not gonna make it to the farm. Oh my gosh, she's from Morgan Hills, California.

SPEAKER_01

If she has a hill in it, I do not think she's gonna make it to the farm. I really don't. She's so cute. She's too cute. She's 25 years old, and she's surprisingly good with power tools and home improvement, she claims. I don't think she's gonna make it to the farm. I really think.

SPEAKER_05

She's really cute, though.

SPEAKER_01

I love the name McKenzie.

SPEAKER_05

She has a nice bod too. She has a hot dog. I feel like on the first night, they really just choose girls they want to both.

SPEAKER_01

Agree. Okay. McKenzie. McKenzie. I love the name McKenzie. I know. And she's also 25. She's just so dang cute. She's so dang cute.

SPEAKER_05

She's from Montgomery, Alabama, a place that I have heard of. I've been to Montgomery. Okay. She's a recruitment consultant. And she says, I love the sleep schedule of a grandma. Wow. Which might be a farm life. It might be a farm life. I guess so. But I wonder if she loves the sleep schedule of a grandma because she hasn't gotten outside of Montgomery.

SPEAKER_01

You know what Montgomery is known for? Yes, absolutely. Yeah. I've been there. I've been on the big tour. They have the tours. You go. Yeah. You see where MLK was. It's very impressive. Nicolette. You know what? I really think she's fantastic, but I'm not sure she's gonna make it to the farm either. She's 28. She's a liquor salesman. She is from Illinois.

SPEAKER_05

Holy shit. If he doesn't want you, Nicolette, call us. She's a liquor sales director. Blooming Bloomingdale, Illinois. I know where that is. It's a real place I can verify for her authenticity. Authenticity. Authenticity, my favorite hobby is pulling pranks on people. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Holy crap.

SPEAKER_05

Do you think Raiden's gonna be adventurous? She feels like she's an adventurous spirit. I could I could see that. She has a her outfit look like a pouch from the 60s.

SPEAKER_01

Oh my gosh. But she's super cute. She's super cute. Of these ladies, do you have any inkling of who might actually be the winner from this farm? Britney's going. Cameron's I I think that Britney could be the winner. What are you talking about? Oh, okay. Yeah, Brittany's gonna go. I think Britney's gonna be the winner. I feel like Cameron's gonna hang in there. I do think feel like Cameron's gonna hang in there as well. I feel like Carson is going to the farm. Yeah, I agree. And I think Carson has a strong chance of actually winning.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah. I feel like Casey's gonna get to the farm. So should we do four to the farm and who we think is gonna win or five to the farm?

SPEAKER_01

I mean, I think we do or we I guess we talked about who we think will be eliminated.

SPEAKER_02

I think that Anna Paula's gonna be eliminated.

SPEAKER_01

And you know what? That actually might be true. And I also really think that Casey no, I'm sorry. I actually think that Faith is gonna be eliminated.

SPEAKER_04

Oh yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05

Going back to the farm, I have Britney, Cameron, Carolyn, Carson, all the C's. Yeah, it is all the C's. And Mackenzie. And I think Britney's gonna win.

SPEAKER_01

Oh crap. Because I want to choose Britney. You can choose Britney. No, I'm not. It's obvious. I'm gonna choose Carson. Carson's gonna win. No, they even like them differently when they're win. They do, and that's maybe is that why they're gonna be able to do that.

SPEAKER_05

That is Britney do it differently.

SPEAKER_01

They always do the winners differently. I really thought that, yeah, Brittany might win, but maybe I'll just choose McKinsey for the fun of it. I think I'm gonna choose Carson Higgins. Just say Brittany. We both can have the same one. It's fine. Brittany is gonna be the winner. I know.

SPEAKER_05

It's like it's why would you choose someone who isn't gonna be the winner? Yeah, it's gonna be Brittany. I just don't like to agree with you all the time. But this time we're we're both in agreement. Maybe we can mix it up. This will be the first time we're in agreement.

SPEAKER_01

It really does seem like Brittany is the girl for him.

SPEAKER_05

It is. And I can I just say my track record for picking the winner has been pretty good. Yeah. I picked Grace.

SPEAKER_01

I'll also say that season by season, like we have an on and off. You just like to win.

SPEAKER_04

I just like wow.

SPEAKER_05

I that's rich coming from you who beat their own child playing a superman game. I'm the winner, Michelle. Can we go? Are you ready for Brett? I'm ready. Brett. Okay, Brett. Brett, where's Brett from? That mythical place in Tennessee that doesn't really exist. Is that what Brett's from?

SPEAKER_01

Brett? And he so he's the Alan Dupe. The mustache. Yeah, he's 25. He's definitely ready to settle down. He's from Savannah, Tennessee. Well, you're 25. It's not. He's the horse and cattle farmer who's got a thousand acres.

SPEAKER_05

Yes. And he's he's currently building his own horse and cattle ranch on the property before he turns into full-time. Maverick worked as a bull rider.

SPEAKER_02

He just looks like a bull rider.

SPEAKER_01

Can you work as a bull rider? I mean, it's your job. You make money going to the competition as long as you stand for your eight seconds. Wow. Imagine Michelle, eight seconds.

SPEAKER_05

I can ride anything for eight seconds. Is eight seconds enough? I can ride any. That's probably all Sean can mostly. And that's the thing.

SPEAKER_01

That is the real Kevin. Okay, you know what? I think that we've been consistent in our You already know. I'm as you're the one who has to say it.

SPEAKER_05

You have to say it. Oh my gosh. Black women typically do not do well in any of the reality shows, let alone farmer once a wife. They did pretty, they had a moment last year because they actually picked a black farmer who actually dates black women. Yes. This time they got rid of said black farmer.

SPEAKER_01

Brett is not gonna choose Brianna, who's 29 and is black.

SPEAKER_03

Brianna's adorable.

SPEAKER_01

She's absolutely adorable.

SPEAKER_05

I love her style. She's a car, she's a character performer. I think she works at Disneyland and she's like a Disneyland princess. She has a motorcycle license. That's pretty hot. Brett, I don't know what to do with that. Brett has no idea what to do with that. No idea. She's really adorable. She's so adorable. I love that dress. I'm really obsessed with the dress. Say yes to the dress. She has a motorcycle lesson. I feel if she says that in the interview, he might be like, oh. His mustache might tweak.

SPEAKER_01

You think he might take her back to the farm? Maybe. Because they feel obligated to have at least one glass.

SPEAKER_05

The other farmers don't have any. Let's get to the other farmers. Okay, okay. If she's the only one, then yes. He has to absolutely go back to the farm. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01

And Casey. Cassie. Whatever. She's 29. Remind you, he's 35. So this is a hot ticket.

SPEAKER_05

This is the hot ticket.

SPEAKER_01

This is not his girl.

SPEAKER_05

You don't know.

unknown

No.

SPEAKER_05

She's also in medical sales, which is medical sales? Man, you can do that anywhere, though. That's good. From Loma, Colorado. And she says she was a top 20 10K runner in the NCAA. Wow. That's pretty impressive. Seems impressive. That's pretty impressive. She's adorable, but I agree.

SPEAKER_01

Hannah's cute. I could see her with him.

SPEAKER_05

I can too. I don't like agreeing with you. What is she? She's a retail manager. She's from Winmere, Cal Florida. My girl's dinner consists of goldfish and hersey kisses.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, you love your chocolate.

SPEAKER_05

She seems like a fun time.

SPEAKER_01

I feel her like that.

SPEAKER_05

And she's probably definitely trying to escape from her retail career.

SPEAKER_01

Anybody's trying to escape from Florida.

SPEAKER_05

Anyone is the state to escape from. She's adorable. Maybe. I can see you're going back to the farm. Heather. Oh, Heather's gonna.

SPEAKER_01

No, she's not. Okay, you and I do not agree on that.

SPEAKER_05

Well, I haven't gotten to the end yet, but so right off the bat, she looks like a Disney princess. Disney princesses. You do love the Disney princesses. You do well on the show. The Disney princesses do well in the show. I don't know if she's from Carlsbad. Oh, there you go. She's not gonna move to Illinois. She's hell no, she's gonna move to Illinois. It's reverse Michelle. But Carlsbad has Legoland. It's pretty close to Disneyland. And look, she's the content creator, which means she works at Disneyland as a princess.

SPEAKER_01

She says, I have a habit of learning the entire life story of whoever sits next to me on an airplane. She lets people dump on her. That's what that means.

SPEAKER_05

Or is she the one who's trying, you're trying to go to sleep with your neck pillow and she's badgering you told me?

SPEAKER_01

Oh, possibly to feel included in your life.

SPEAKER_05

Yes, yeah. And then you leave and you never talk again. And you're like, what was the point of that?

SPEAKER_01

Julia, I would say, is borderline authentic and has a very low chance of making it on to the farm. Wait, authentic or ethnic? Oh shit. I meant ethnic.

SPEAKER_05

That cardiac got you. I'm like, well, you know, like a few seasons ago, everything was about being authentic. So I thought you were bringing it back. This is true. Be authentic. I'm not, she's not authentic. Everything was authentic. So I thought you were bringing it back.

SPEAKER_01

Does it look like she's wearing the Glige?

SPEAKER_05

It does. Men like that shit.

SPEAKER_01

Except she's from La Marata. She's not going to move to Illinois.

SPEAKER_05

Why aren't these women with Sean? I guess Sean's 25, but 22.

SPEAKER_01

But sh but someone is more willing to go up the coast to live in Solvang than to move in buttfuck, Illinois. Yes.

SPEAKER_05

I'm going to defend Buttfuck, Illinois. Not that I'm from, but I know people from Buttfuck, Illinois. But I have to agree with you. It gets cold in buttbuck, Illinois. It's not like buttfuck, Alabama. It's six feet of snow in buttfuck, Illinois. You really have to really want that. She's an architectural designer. Yeah. She has a real job.

SPEAKER_01

She does have a real job. But those kind of jobs might translate to another city.

SPEAKER_05

Now in the a post work, you can work, you can work post. You can work at home anywhere.

SPEAKER_01

Maybe. I don't know. I I feel like Lauren, who's 29, was trying to look like she's a farmer with her little plaid outfit. She's a nurse from Hope Well Junction, New York. We can take this out.

SPEAKER_05

But ain't no way that bitch 29. Oh. Look at her. Look at her. Wow, Michelle. No way she's 29. Or it could just be a bad spray tan or bad lighting. Or lighting department did her dirty. New York has a lot of clouds. She might have spray tanned. Oh yeah, she totally spray tanned. It wasn't a very good one. She works at a top hospital in America.

SPEAKER_03

Do you think she's 29?

SPEAKER_01

Dude. Say it, Christine. I am not gonna say it.

SPEAKER_05

We are nothing if not honest on this podcast. I I refuse. Either makeup did her dirty or hell.

SPEAKER_01

Why is she 29? She's definitely dying that hair.

SPEAKER_05

Nurses use their hands a lot. She's an ICU, a registered nurse, which is very commendable. She's from New York. Hopewell Junction, New York. And she says I work at the top hospital in America as an ICU nurse. Let me tell you, she no New Yorker has ever moved in the history of Farmer Wonder Wife down to any of these smaller towns. It just doesn't happen. It doesn't happen. I feel like our semi-older farmer, Trey, was his name, Trey. He was like, he had a young lady from New York. That's right.

SPEAKER_01

She stuck around for for the end shows. And then when they went there, they're like, our lives have absolutely nothing anymore. She was like an ice skater, ice skater.

SPEAKER_05

He was like, psych, no, he met her family. Oh, I was man. Paige. I have a good feeling about Paige. You do. Paige strikes me also from Long Island. No, I don't. No, I don't. Paige is from Paige, is an esthetician, medical sales.

SPEAKER_01

She's 32. She's close to his age. She's in school for sustainable farming, which seems very in line. Sally. He has a big farm. A big farm, Michelle.

SPEAKER_04

I know what you're talking about.

SPEAKER_03

There's a big farm. Do you think? Wait, how do you say that? Is it aesthetician people to your face?

SPEAKER_01

She's not a real career.

SPEAKER_03

She's a is am I pronouncing right?

SPEAKER_05

No.

SPEAKER_06

Oh.

SPEAKER_05

Aesthetician to do your eyebrows. Aesthetic medical sales. There you go. Oh, so she does like the fake fancy. Again, she's from Long Island. You don't get any more New York than Long Island.

SPEAKER_01

But she's studying sustainable farming. I know.

SPEAKER_05

I look, I had a good feeling about her. I'm gonna go with it.

SPEAKER_01

I like Quinn. She's 26. She's so cute. She's from Buell, Idaho. Nobody knows I'm from Idaho. I've never mentioned it before.

SPEAKER_05

From the bunny fashion capital of the world.

SPEAKER_01

Can I tell you that Buell is like the teeniest city? Smaller than yours? I think Buell has 4,600 people. So it's bigger than Mud Lake. It's outside of Twin Falls. It's teeny.

SPEAKER_05

Did you call them when your town was overran by bunnies? Is that what you call a Calvary? She's a medical aesthetician.

SPEAKER_01

She's so cute. I think she could be the winner. I'm torn between Quinn from Buell and Stephanie from Texas.

SPEAKER_05

Stephanie's a model. She's from Tomball. Again, people, if you're gonna make up names, you can do better than this. Texas. And she has a Sphinx cat. She had me too, saw the Sphinx cat. Those are weird-looking things.

SPEAKER_01

They are super duper expensive. You can breed them and make a lot of money. Do we think Stephanie's from money? Ooh, I don't know. I do have to say, just because of the Idaho connection and the fact that she seems like a simple girl who would be willing to move to Illinois. She doesn't know. She doesn't know better. Quinn. She's my pick to win for him.

SPEAKER_05

Wow. I'm torn between Hannah and Heather. Hannah's the retail manager from Florida. And she seems like a fun time. She just seems fun. I don't know anything about her, but she seems fun.

SPEAKER_01

The thing is, Brett, he's the bull rider, and he's gonna really Quinn's gonna love that. She's gonna really work to make herself the winner.

SPEAKER_05

I don't know. He seems I don't know why I think he since he's traveled around that.

SPEAKER_01

I feel like he's he's 35. He wants a young girl. She's 26, perfect age, nine years younger.

SPEAKER_05

Okay, this is I'm psychic. So this is what my psychic powers are telling me. I the five I think are gonna go back are Brianna, because Hannah, Heather, Paige, and Stephanie. I don't even think Quinn's gonna make it to the farm.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, I definitely disagree with you. I know you do. I definitely think that Quinn's gonna make it to the farm. I agree with you that Brianna's gonna make it to the farm and that Cassie's not, but I don't know about Julia. Do you think Julia could could make it to the farm? No, I think that she might be the other eliminated contestant.

SPEAKER_05

Oh, I didn't choose Julia. Oh, I yeah, she's definitely getting eliminated.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I think Julia's gonna get eliminated. Immediate. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05

I feel like I said my my five picks were Brianna, Hannah, Heather, Paige, and Stephanie are getting to the farm. Oh and he's gonna ultimately choose Hannah. Oh, wow. I think he's gonna choose when. Did we both pass on Lauren?

SPEAKER_02

We did.

SPEAKER_05

Why did we pass on Lauren, Christine? Is there something about Lauren you're bumping on?

SPEAKER_01

I'm gonna let you say that. Let's remind our audience that Sean is a 22-year-old farmer. Hang on, pick. Hang on, marry any of these girls.

SPEAKER_05

From California. All you can do is pick the girl you want to bone at that age, right? It's the only thing we can do. It's the only sensible thing to do is pick who you're gonna bone. We start off with Ooh, Inabet. She's she has that light behind her.

SPEAKER_01

She's 22. She's could be more adorable.

SPEAKER_05

She looks 13. It looks like she would need like one of those kitty seats when they go out to dinner. They have to put her in a child seat. She's a hairstylist.

SPEAKER_01

You can do that anywhere. Lagrange, Georgia. She employs she enjoys playing golf and being on the lake and fishing. She's literally in the other side of the country. There's no fishing and solving. There might be, but she looks so young. She looks so young. She's, I gotta say something farming.

SPEAKER_05

I'm gonna say that I Sean's gonna pick up some babysitting money when he's uh hanging out with Annel Elivet. She looks so so young. And I've been watching, not that I'm putting this on her, I know nothing about this girl, but we I just watched that that other polygamist podcast. It's so disturbing. So disturbing. And she reminded me of one of the girls. Oh no. Now it's stuck in my head.

SPEAKER_04

She's done nothing to earn it, but it's there now.

SPEAKER_01

What about autumn? Can I say that autumn's dress with the collar and the flower? Oh, do you love it? I do not. I don't love it at all. It's like Bridgeton. I don't understand what happened. You're never ever gonna see that on a farm in any farm of the United States. I feel like the first night, and this is when these pictures are taken, the first night, you want to stand out. Oh and maybe that will attract his eye. It's gonna attract him to eliminate her. I'm not sure Autumn's gonna make it to the farm. It looks like she's being choked by her dress. It's choking her out. She's a Pilates instructor. But she has a color pod. From South Carolina. That's true, from South Carolina. She collects the Funko Pops. Funko Pops. There's a Funko Pop store here. Yeah. She'll probably have it in South Carolina. I've gone to the Funko Pops every week for a year looking for the Grey's Anatomy. Oh, yeah. They just don't have it. They discontinued them. It's just not available.

SPEAKER_05

Oh, I'm sorry. Last time we went, we got some stranger things.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, nice.

SPEAKER_05

That was fine.

SPEAKER_01

We've got another woman of color.

SPEAKER_05

What? Oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Okay.

SPEAKER_01

And she's older than our farmer.

SPEAKER_05

What? She's 25.

SPEAKER_01

Which makes me think for two reasons he's gonna keep her. He can't be an ageist and a racist.

SPEAKER_05

Oh, we can't be both. So he's I've gotta keep her. One thing I'm certain about, Sean, is he's not some black girls. Oh I whoa! I'm throwing it out there. He might legitimately be attracted to her. She's hot.

SPEAKER_01

She's fire. She's a behavioral therapist from Georgia. Should I mind trick him? She likes line dancing. I bet line dancing is popular in Solvang.

SPEAKER_05

Oh, you think so? Yeah. Oh, the duchies get their little clogging. Exactly. Oh, maybe. I don't think she's gonna be the winner. No, she's not gonna be the winner. Maybe. Let's keep going. I'm not ready to say she's not yet. It is California.

SPEAKER_01

Come on.

SPEAKER_05

It's not California. It might happen.

SPEAKER_01

Most of he's only 22, so most of these women are gonna be older than him because it's illegal to be younger than him.

SPEAKER_05

Except for the 13-year-old they threw in the mix. Come on. Carson was spelled properly this time.

SPEAKER_02

Properly this time.

SPEAKER_05

She's 25. She's a wedding planner. Which is a very easily mobile career. You can make plan a lot of weddings in California. Solvang, great place to plan weddings. Oh, nice. She's from Texas, Argyle, Texas. Argyll. I know. I like the socks.

SPEAKER_01

I she says she collects vintage cowboy boots. Oh, she could be a contender. She could be.

SPEAKER_05

Oh no. You like that name in?

SPEAKER_01

I like you like these little facts.

SPEAKER_05

I like her. No, I like how it's something about her face. I like her.

SPEAKER_01

I like her too.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Emily has the most beautiful eyes. Emily is also of an ethnicity. She is.

SPEAKER_05

She is probably like our children, biracial.

SPEAKER_01

She's an event specialist. Same thing. Very mobile. Lorda. Lorda. She's a Disney princess. Oh wow.

SPEAKER_05

She is. I don't know what princess looks like her, but she's she has a Disney princess face. Disney princesses do well on this show. They do. This is true. Maybe. I think she has a good chance. She's 25. He wants boner, yes. Gabriella. She's out. No.

SPEAKER_01

Do we even oh my gosh? It's crazy that we when we agree.

SPEAKER_05

We agree. That's a hard note.

SPEAKER_01

She's 28. She's from Sacramento. She's a registered nurse. Which is sad because she's from California. She's out. I don't think she'll make it back to the farm.

SPEAKER_05

No, not no. Let's just skip over her.

SPEAKER_01

Cameron, 23.

SPEAKER_05

No. Cameron looks like a fun time. That dress is hot. It is fucking hot. She's from Lubbock, Texas. I would pick her up. We would go out. We hit some of the clubs. They might let me in with her. She's like, no, she's with me. And I'm like, oh yeah, I'm she's into dog rescue.

SPEAKER_04

Oh.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Everybody loves that.

SPEAKER_04

Would she rescue my dog?

SPEAKER_01

We can ask her.

SPEAKER_04

We can ask her. She's from what is she? Where's the love it?

SPEAKER_05

Love it. Love it. I've heard of Love It. I have too. Oh, it's real. And she's a boutique owner. She can also have a boutique.

SPEAKER_01

She, you know what? That's the perfect place to open a boutique, is in Solvang. Why don't you work for the tourist board or something? Jeez. If you come to LA, make a point of visiting Solvang. You won't be disappointed.

SPEAKER_05

She's cute though. I just don't think she's gonna sell her boutique and move to Salvay. Oh, maybe.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Okay, here we go. She's probably the winner. I don't think she's the winner, but I'm not surprised if you think she's the winner. Probably. She is. She's like a fucking angel. She's lit her like a win. 21. Macy is lit like an angel. Her dress is like an angel. She's a model. Yes. From Beck Buckle, Tennessee. Holy shit. She's got 11 siblings. Like you. She has 11 siblings.

SPEAKER_05

She is so dang cute. Models. You can model your ass off in California. Probably more so than Tennessee. I don't know what she's doing in Tennessee. Shh, but and we've got the curly hairs. We can appreciate those girls. They're beautiful. She did a good job. Really good job. And her house is probably super overcrowded. So she's willing to move.

SPEAKER_01

She's only 21, though, but he's only 22. Yeah. And that's the thing. I think he's going to choose a girl younger than him, which makes me believe that he's going to choose Olivia Brown.

SPEAKER_05

I have to see her mom. I have to see his mom to determine that. Olivia is the winner.

SPEAKER_01

When you're 22, you date your mom, you do. Olivia's 21. She will be the whether he marries her or not, probably not, but she will win. She's a real estate agent, a woodworker. From Billings, Montana. Live Edge Furniture. Like that you would have a big piece of tree that would be like very rough along the edges. Like you have a dining table and it's like on it's not straight. Oh, I see edge. Yeah. Okay. Can I tell you that Billings is the most populous state in Montana? She could very easily pick up and move. She's not going to lose anything. Like, I think she's the winner. He's going to choose her, she's going to choose him. Horribly wrong. Olivia's the winner. I don't think you've ever been this wrong in anything. What? I'm often right.

SPEAKER_05

Way off basis.

SPEAKER_01

You could see her at a farm fresh to serve farm table. Making tables?

SPEAKER_03

Making tables when he feels it.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. I mean, her. Imagine her and Sean together. They're hot. They're really hot. They're not. She needs a blonde. One, two. That's why he's going to pick Macy. He's going to choose Olivia. Although I agree that Macy's really hot.

SPEAKER_03

They're going to be, they're going to have some hot times. No, no, no.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, you're going to be so sad in the end when I'm right. There's no way. There's no way. I love what I'm writing.

SPEAKER_05

I have my five going back to the farm. Okay. You really should write this stuff down.

SPEAKER_01

I mean because it's hard to scroll back and forth. I only said who I think is going to win. That's the most important thing.

SPEAKER_05

Oh man. And you tried to say it because you thought I was going to say it first. Okay. You're wrong. First of all, I think. Okay, hold on. He's going to take back. Say who you think is going to take back. He's going to take back, much to my chagrin, Alabeth. Yeah, I agree. I don't want him to take her back because she looks so young and it will disturb me. But he's so young, too.

SPEAKER_01

He's freaking 22.

SPEAKER_05

I mean Carson.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, because I think he's not going to take Autumn back.

SPEAKER_05

No, he's not going to take Autumn back. He's not going to take Brooke back.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, I think he's going to take Brooke. You think so? He cannot get rid of her.

SPEAKER_05

I feel like Emily's is ambiguous enough to get away with it. She's definitely going back. I don't think he's gonna take Brooke and Emily. Interesting. Brooke is adorable. Maybe, I don't know. She could be a dark no pun intended. Oh M. G. I'm black. I can say that. She's adorable. There's no reason to not take her back, other than you said she's too old for him. So I think Elibeth, Carson, Emily, Macy, and Olivia, and I think he's gonna pick Macy. Macy's gonna win.

SPEAKER_01

I think we agree on a lot of that, except that I think Olivia is gonna win. Really? Yeah. So you think Brooke's gonna go back? Oh, I do. You do. So we do not agree. I definitely think Brooke's gonna come back. I do not think that he's gonna bring Emily or Gabriella back. Oh you think Annabelle, Annabeth, Carson, Brooke, Macy, and Olivia? Yep. Oh, wow. You were really in love with Cameron. What happened? I do love Cameron and she spells her name right. No, she doesn't. You're drunk, man.

SPEAKER_05

You're really you're a stickler for spelling, too. I am a stickler for spelling.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, you said Cameron's right? He spells her the K. Nah, I'm sticking with it. All of these women are hot. They're all hot, they're all gonna do so fantastic in life that it doesn't matter. They're gonna go, they're gonna meet their Prince Charming or if the show wastes their time. Even the women who are on the show will meet their Prince Charming after the show.

SPEAKER_05

After the show, but it has there's a good track record for people on is breaking away from the show, then meeting their forever person. But I don't feel like any of these guys. And is it just because once bitten twice shy kind of a thing? Like we know they're not gonna get married, we know they're not gonna pick these women, we know it's all for the gram at this point. It is so sad. We're so jaded, but it does jaded equal truth. Yes, it does. And you know what? The one, the two couples that we thought were gonna make it Sydney and Mitchell, because they were engaged.

SPEAKER_01

That's right. They're done until he got his farm ready, and he didn't need that construction help anymore.

SPEAKER_05

He got it up to code, and he was like, Oh, this is sound of sudden, Sydney. She's like, but I'm walking down the aisle right now. And then baby Nathan.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, that was solid.

SPEAKER_05

They broke off. Years, years, and they were I think they were engaged too. Yeah, none of it, none of these couples, none of these couples.

SPEAKER_01

The American show is some big bullshit.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, none of them ate to the wedding. None of them ate.

SPEAKER_01

If you can make a career, that's the goal of the American farmer wants a wife.

SPEAKER_05

That's the goal?

SPEAKER_01

That's the goal. Have no results. No relationship result as a result of the show. That's not the that's not the goal of the show.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, the goal of the show is just for people to further their career.

SPEAKER_01

What? It's just uh it's just a recruiting tool so people can launch the career. Imagine how many DMs you get when you're hot and you have the show.

SPEAKER_05

I of course I know. Tell me right now how many DMs hot people get. Let me check my DMs. But you leave the show, but you're already you're like most of these people already have a substantial following. I do.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. You know what I think is interesting is to see the progression of their following after the show.

SPEAKER_05

Oh, you think that's when it grows? Yeah. I don't know. They should have a gigantic reunion show with all that. I would love it. But they will never do that because they don't remind they don't want to remind you that the failures of the relationships. Or they should take some of these women who are actually sincerely looking for a husband and send them to Australia.

SPEAKER_01

Because I do think that there are a number of women who sincerely go on to look for a relationship.

SPEAKER_05

That one girl is like 11 people in her house. She's over 500. She's like, I'm ready. Just give me somebody. Wow. That's it. That's it.

SPEAKER_01

There's just stuff meeting my mouth. I I love this show. I know you don't always, and I don't always love it either, but it is our OG show. Can I just say I'm disappointed that there's no black farmer? It is disappointing. I mean, I will agree with you on that. Ryan? He will live in infamy.

SPEAKER_05

Infamy. As the worst bachelor ever.

SPEAKER_01

He was a farmer. Oh, we didn't talk about the girl who's a bachelorette. Yeah, you're right. Because they I swear they scrub these girls' profiles. Every I not only the girls, they scrub the profiles of everybody. So you go online, you can't find out any historical information on any of these contestants. All their Instagrams are pristine, they're recreated as a farmer once a wife profile. But yeah, Heather Martin, she was in season 23 of The Bachelor.

SPEAKER_04

Oh, wait, how about Heather? Heather? Yeah, Princess. Wait, is that her name? Yeah, yeah. Oh wow, that's the one I have to go back to the farm. Okay.

SPEAKER_01

I guess she also attempted to join the 25th season of The Bachelor in week six, but James turned her down. Oh. But I guess she had some rant or something in a final episode that made her popular. Oh she's just made a full career of reality TV. I'm glad you chose her as your I and maybe she'll bring some drama. Let's hope.

SPEAKER_05

Let's hope. Um this makes me hopeful that she has a background in reality TV because maybe she knows how reality TV is supposed to be. So thank you, Christine. You've given me some hope.

SPEAKER_01

I'm looking forward to the season. I love the farmers. I love it. You're looking forward to this. You know what? You know what? The there's a few reasons I love the farmers. It's a one-hour episode, very easy to watch. And even if you don't watch it, we watch it for you.

SPEAKER_05

Here's the thing: nothing ever fucking happens. You don't really have to watch it.

SPEAKER_01

We'll make something happen, Michelle.

SPEAKER_05

Me, us and Heather. We're gonna be leaning a lot on Heather in this. I just hope she gets back to the farm, man.

SPEAKER_01

So stay tuned. It's gonna be another season. I finished my cognac and half of the bottle of Michelle's Pinot Grigio.

SPEAKER_05

You have a cognac with a Pinot Chaser.

SPEAKER_01

I just thought that it's the similar color. Uh-huh. You can mix it. Well, yeah, it's gonna be all. Yeah, I love it. We did a lot. Michelle, it's gonna be an absolutely entertain train wreck season of Farmer Wants a What? I can't believe we're doing this again! Why?

SPEAKER_05

Season four. God, so help me, God, if they don't fucking get married. If no one gets married this year, I'm I think that if they did, if they just fucked and didn't get married, you would be equally happy. I would be happy. So help me, no one fucks.

SPEAKER_01

This season, all those freaking hot tubs are going unfucked in. My mind my head will explain. Do you remember in past seasons that the farmers lived in RV rented by literally outhouses? Right. Lived in outhouses. Yeah. So I'll be interested to see what the living situation is.

SPEAKER_05

There's no reason why these women should be living in condemned housing.

SPEAKER_01

They lived in a house that didn't have heat. That's ridiculous.

SPEAKER_05

There's just no reason.

SPEAKER_01

And on occasion, didn't have water.

SPEAKER_05

Imagine. No. But it should be fun. It's gonna be a fun time. Join us, listen to us, maybe watch the show, but you really don't have to because we recap everything you need to know right here. Whether you watch or not, our recap will be more fun than the episode itself. Oh, guaranteed it's gonna be more fun than the episodes. It's gonna be more fun than the episodes, guaranteed. So check us out. Tell a friend, share the fun. Yeah. See you next week. See you next week.

SPEAKER_06

Recap a hole. Pour it up, zip it down. Laugh it off, twist the crown. Clink goes to glass. Here comes the sass. Recap the hole. Spilling it now.

Contributor

Christine McCain

Host
Contributor

Michelle McGee

Host