Farmer Wants a Wife (Season 4) Season Premiere "It's about me!"

Farmer Wants a Wife is back, and Michelle and Christine are breaking down the premiere episode. We’re wading through the micro-dates as the ladies try to charm the Wranglers off these farmers. With a series of micro-dates, the farmers have to whittle their nine would-be-wifeys down to five. Who’s serving farm-to-table chemistry, and who’s stuck shoveling crap? Let’s get into it.

Grab a glass of wine and join another season of extraordinary fun that is Recapaholics!

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to ReCapaholics. I'm Christine. And I'm Michelle. And we're two lifelong friends and moms who like to drink wine and gab about reality shows. So thank you for joining us and stick around.

SPEAKER_03 0:14

Re-Cappaholics. Pour it up, zip it down. Laugh it off, twist the crown. Clink goes the glass. Here comes the sass. Spilling it now.

SPEAKER_00 0:30

I never see your cat. I come over there. I never he's he's noticeably bigger. And they maybe your cat's eating its fillings. Have you no you got those new guinea pigs?

SPEAKER_02 0:42

Charlotte had to help him roll over.

SPEAKER_00 0:46

Like he was stuck. Oh my god. Do you remember back in the day when there was like Mori Povich and all these other daytime talks about it? Oh, I loved it. And they would have to rescue fat people out of their homes. Yes. That's what's going on. With the cranes. You're gonna need a key crane. Oh my gosh. I was in a tragic car accident. Yeah. So he hit me in the back. And then the man, the gentleman who came got out, his name was Bark or Wark or something like that. He was an Asian gentleman. Okay. I don't want to lean into stereotypes and can I ask you what insurance company does he have? His state farm. Oh, that's that's good stuff, right? That's good. Can I encourage you to make a claim? Sure. I can be encouraged. You guys could bank 30 grand. Oh wow. This might be worth it. So he gets out of the car and he's like, he's hysterical. Oh, Christine. I comfort him. I gave this man a hug. Whoa. But and he's like, your daughter's in that car. Oh my god. And I was like, it's okay. It's calm down. Wow. Calm down. And yeah, when all said and done, I give him a hug.

SPEAKER_01 1:53

Older gentlemen or young? Huh? How old?

SPEAKER_00 1:56

Like mid. Mid.

SPEAKER_01 1:58

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 1:58

Yeah. And I was like, you can pull it together and go to your meeting and have a good meeting. I was giving him a pep talk. Wow. I know. Because he was so distraught. And I'm thinking maybe that's how we should handle life in general. No matter we fuck up, just start fucking crying. Just he didn't cry, but he was really upset. Wow. And I think that disarms the other person. Because I could have jumped out of that car angry, but I saw how upset he was. I was like, oh, wow.

SPEAKER_02 2:24

That's what I'm gonna start doing. I think that your career should be life coach.

SPEAKER_00 2:29

Really? Yeah. You already have the cult going. You don't need another, you don't need life coach added to it, but it's it goes hand in hand. I could be a good life coach. My daughter says I'm very insightful. This is true. She always tells me, like, if she sees people, she's like, would you get any vibes off this person? Tell me what do you think of this person? I'm always right. Wow. That's why I did so good on my farmers' choices, by the way.

SPEAKER_02 2:53

Oh, let's not. Okay, we are gonna talk about it, but if we're going, so there's three farmers, two for three, I'm gonna win this year.

SPEAKER_00 3:01

No way. Maybe one you might win, but the other one. One we chose the same one.

SPEAKER_02 3:06

So that's and I chose it first. You're just copying it. No way. I'm like, I don't know, Christine. I don't think you will, but we will see. Hello, Michelle. Hello, Christine. Welcome to our first week of Farmer Wants to Play season four.

SPEAKER_00 3:30

Oh the gate, I was happy. You know how I was hesitant about doing another season? Yeah. And then the first two seconds into the show, I was very happy we did another season.

SPEAKER_02 3:43

Even before the show started, the title of the episode is Can I Make a Different Farm? Can I Meet a Different Farmer? Yes.

SPEAKER_00 3:52

And it was like they came up with the title. They came up with that, they must really care about this episode if they didn't just sell one episode one. They will deny it, but they're listening to us. You asked, you did ask for why if they don't care enough to make a title for their episodes. Yeah, why should we care? Yes. I think so too. There were quite a few things here that reeked of us. It's an excellent word. Our stank was all on it. So I'm like, hey, they're finally listening to us. But I will say the two seconds in the episode, I was very happy. That's because Sean took a shirt off.

SPEAKER_02 4:27

Those previews, I liked that. You liked that?

SPEAKER_00 4:30

I didn't. I said these guys look hot. Oh, you mean like in the first beginning when they're showing you like who they are? Yes. And I was like, Sean looked hot. They're hot. Oh my god. Did you see my shoshuttery board? I did see. I'm sorry, I'm diverting because I put your whoppers here. Thank you so much for that. But I also have other surprises in there.

SPEAKER_02 4:49

I see that there's some pills in there. I was gonna try to just pick the whoppers around those. Michelle's trying to trick me and drug me.

SPEAKER_00 5:00

The top pill is for bone health. It's very important. Oh wow. And the other pills are just like they're happy pills. They're happy pills. They're surprise pills. Wow. Not quite sure what they're gonna do to you, Christine. But I'm like, let's find out.

SPEAKER_02 5:13

So you're I I did, I didn't even encourage you. I asked a question that prompted you to remove the green cheese from the plate. I you know what? It could have been some special kind of cheese. There are some cheeses that have mold on them. But I don't think it's a good one. I don't think mine was intentional.

SPEAKER_00 5:33

Generally just white. That was Brie? I I think so. I don't know what kind of cheese it was. And I'm glad you pointed it out. I do wish you would have pointed it out yesterday before I ate it. Oh some of it. But look, I've got a healthy dose of penicillin. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm gonna, I'm just gonna go for it. But if I do fall out, you know why I ate the green blue cheese.

SPEAKER_02 5:53

I think your sh shittery board looks fantastic. It's not as good as last week's shish. And you had the corkscrew to open a real bottle of wine.

SPEAKER_00 6:00

I did, I did. And you and like I have the salt teens, but it doesn't mean anything without my blue cheese. Without my moldy cheese. It'll sop up the alcohol. It will. And if I am assuming correctly, the alcohol will bring you down, but the pills I put in your whoppers will bring you right back up. Yeah, yeah. So you're colored, you're covered either way. Okay. I'm sorry. I don't know why I digressed. I looked at that, but you were saying that you were happy about something Fox did. Yeah, that's wild.

SPEAKER_02 6:30

I have to say, overall, it just kept being positive after positive after positive. I love hating on the show.

SPEAKER_00 6:36

But God, I shouldn't say God. Gosh darn it. This is Farmer Wants a Wife. Dad met it.

SPEAKER_02 6:44

It was a pretty good episode. It says they are introducing more women than ever before. I don't think that was necessary. And I also think that's not technically true. They just reduce the number of farmers. Which makes sense per farmer.

SPEAKER_00 6:57

I see. You're right. It's almost 20, 20-ish women.

SPEAKER_02 7:01

Because I think they normally have 24. Yeah. Is it or 28, maybe? Because is it 27? Yeah, yeah. There's seven women normally per farmer.

SPEAKER_00 7:10

Yeah, I agree. I agree. So now they've got nine women per farmer. And the guys, I hate to keep objectifying Sean. No, who am I kidding? I love to keep objectifying Sean. But because he's only 22. Oh my gosh. But I feel like Fox finally figured it out. They heard our horny pleas, our Alice chocolate-induced pleas for some beef. Some hot, some hot beef.

SPEAKER_02 7:38

I also think they heard our pleas for some drama because it looks like there are some tears headed our way. Which I love. I love.

SPEAKER_00 7:45

Right off the top, Brett, he's 35. He's our geriatric farmer this year at the ripe old age of 35. He says there is something romantic about the lifestyle of farming. But he had a shirt on, so I didn't really, I wasn't really listening to him.

SPEAKER_01 8:01

Do you think there's something romantic about farming?

SPEAKER_02 8:05

I do think because this is the thing. He was saying, I grew up in the fields with my dad and my grandpa. That don't sound sexy, but okay. Not sexy. But he's a generational. That's the thing. Like it's a lifestyle that you've had from the day you were born. It's just inbred in you.

SPEAKER_00 8:21

Maybe you shouldn't use uh term inbred. I do think he's from Tennessee, Christine. They just write direct your letters to Christine.

SPEAKER_02 8:29

They also said that in the end, all three farmers find love. And I was like, is this a promise?

SPEAKER_00 8:34

It's a lie, is what it's a bold-faced lie. Baby Sean, I'm not gonna say baby because I want to objectify him sexually. Sean says he wants to get started as soon as possible with the love of his life. So he can spend as as many years with her as possible. He can get started any sooner. It wouldn't have been illegal.

SPEAKER_02 8:53

He's barely illegal.

SPEAKER_00 8:54

I think 22. You're hitting the bottom right there. You're on the ground floor with that. They give us a sneak peek of what's to come. I just I'm really excited about the season. I am not that the little sneak peek, it's not like they're like reinventing the wheel here. It was like it was a lot of complaining, was a lot of kissing, yeah, and a whole lot of crying.

SPEAKER_02 9:16

Okay, we have not had any of these things historically. Maybe they cry. I feel like they cry. But it I felt like they put a little touch of bachelor.

SPEAKER_00 9:27

Yeah, I agree. I agree. This is what that was. This is exactly the bachelor fight. They even had one of the bachelorettes. Right. One of the bachelor contestants on the show. So that was a really good notch. The bachelor, they're not airing because that lady beat the shit out of her boyfriend.

SPEAKER_02 9:42

Did you see that there's this show where Jesse has some ex-bachelors and they're modifying home. Jesse Palmer? Yeah. Oh, come on.

SPEAKER_00 9:51

Yeah, it's like the home improvement of The Bachelor. He gets $20 million a season, so they have to keep him busy. It's ridiculous. That's a really horrible idea. And I think they're they've gotten so far away from what the show used to be or should be or the premise of the show that they're just doing anything now, just to make money. They have airtime to fill. They do have airtime to fill. The women arrive in a barn. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:16

Did you think this was a different barn than normal? No, I thought it was the same.

SPEAKER_00 10:19

Oh, you did? You think it's the same bar? I was thinking that it might be different. Brighter and arier, bigger. It felt bigger than the falling down, dilapidated barn they usually put them in. And we've got Kimberly Paisley narrating. Oh my gosh. She gives us the rundown, right? She says, of hundreds of hopefuls, the farmers chose nine ladies. Yes. You mean a hundred people applied to be on the show? I don't know. I don't know. Maybe they just had the bachelor's scrolling on Tinder or hinge or something. And they took laptops. They did. And they just lied to us about it. I have a hard time believing that hundreds of women applied to this show. They've got two pageant contestants. They do have two. They have a lot more pageant contestants. Those are the only ones we know about. Right. They always get the nurses or the pharmaceutical salespeople. Always. And they always get pageant people. There's or there's always some pageant history. Remember my girl Cassidy Joe? Oh, yeah. God damn, she was hot. She's still hot. These women are beautiful, but god damn. There are no Cassidy Joes. Cassidy. Hi, Cassidy. So finally, Kimberly comes in. And this is the moment you and I have been waiting for. What the hell she's wearing.

SPEAKER_02 11:26

Waiting.

SPEAKER_00 11:27

And to my surprise, she wasn't dressed like an American girl doll.

SPEAKER_02 11:30

I was so this was the first time because over the last year I've struggled with it. When Joanne's fabric closed, I was sad. And now I'm like, it was the thing we needed to transition.

SPEAKER_00 11:44

Yes. All things new. It was like Kimberly Paisley found the softer side of Sears. I think they gave her an entirely new wardrobe. I think they gave her a gift card of Macy's. Either way, it works. This is way better. Yes, it was formed. She has a lovely figure. Beautiful. And she would, they would just drown her in Joanne fabric, Hobby Lobby, knock off, whatever. So honestly, there was some speculation that she sold her own clothes too last year. This was definitely an upgrade. And also she had really pretty jewelry. Yes, even her makeup I felt was softer and more natural. She's beautiful. There's no reason to drown her. She looked absolutely normal. And I guess the stylist who was hazing her last year quit or something. Because she looked down downright normal. She was lovely. And Kimberly says she asks the ladies who's ready to find love. And she said that we have another lie.

SPEAKER_02 12:44

Three very good-looking farmers.

SPEAKER_00 12:47

Yes. Yes. She gives them the stats on the farmers, right?

SPEAKER_02 12:50

Then she brings in the farmers. She does. Braden was first.

SPEAKER_00 12:54

What did you think of Brayden?

SPEAKER_02 12:55

I like Braden. We've seen pictures. Yeah, that's right. I generally like the farmers. I was happy. I like Braden.

SPEAKER_00 13:04

He does. He seems normal. Like I said, he seemed like a single guy. Except, did you see him when he walked in? I don't know if he had new boots on, but he was walking in like he had a stick shoved up his ass. Or like he was a phrase. I know, and I think they get new boots for the show. Or they and they or they wear their Sunday's best or something, and they don't break them in. You gotta break those boots in. They do. And it takes time. It takes time. He was like walking like he had to stick up his butt or he was gonna slip or fall or something. I'm like, or maybe they just have sticks up their asses. I'm not into I don't know what they do, kinky style. I'm not judging them. And then Sean came in. He is a baby. God damn. Wow. He is hot. Do you feel bad for objectifying him?

SPEAKER_02 13:49

I love objectifying him.

SPEAKER_00 13:51

God, let's not stop now. He is by far the sexiest farmer I think they've ever had on the franchise.

SPEAKER_02 13:57

Three years ago, it would have been illegal to have him as a farmer.

SPEAKER_00 14:01

So as soon as he graduated, there was a wife was at the other end of the stage. Come with us, young man. Come with us. And then Brett comes in. Oh, Alan 2.0?

SPEAKER_02 14:13

AK Alcred Allen 2.0. I just may refer to him as that the entire season.

SPEAKER_00 14:18

I think you should. I think you should. And you know what? Wait. And he tells the ladies right off the awkward start. He was like, I'm really excited to meet all of you. Nobody else had anything. He just had to make it creepy. I'm like, just dude, just hold your horses. And you could tell he was excited to meet him because his mustache stood to it at detention.

SPEAKER_02 14:37

And this is the thing. I don't know if it's the mustache itself that creates the awkwardness. Yeah. You think? Because he has this aspect of awkward that you cannot deny. You cannot deny it.

SPEAKER_00 14:50

I have a feeling that he's awkward, thus, the mustache grows out of maybe it's to hide himself or give him some distraction or something or hide behind. I think it's telling him what to say. You think it's literally like last year or like the first season one, where Awkward Allen's mustache was literally running the show. It was the character that we all love. Yeah, like Awkward Allen's mustache 1.0. Like sometimes Alan would want to get rid of women, but his mustache would overrule him. Yes. And we would have to keep them. And likewise, it was delightful. Braden has he, I guess she asked him why he hasn't found love yet.

SPEAKER_02 15:28

Yes. Great question. She he says, I'm from Homer, and he hasn't found love because he's still looking. He says he just hasn't found love. He has his home and his career. His explanation was he, I just am still looking.

SPEAKER_00 15:42

And he's from Homer. He said, You know when you know. Yes. That's such a that's bullshit.

SPEAKER_02 15:48

I don't know. Do you know when you know? I don't know. I don't know. You know the morning after. You know.

SPEAKER_00 15:56

When you do that walk of shame, and he's not that far away from your house. You're like, this could be the one. Um, Sean, talk about his family. Look as young as he is. He does. His that baby face. It's gonna grow out when he's later 20s. It'll slim down, he'll chisel out. He has that baby face, though, as the cheeks. He says his family always wanted to own a farm in California.

SPEAKER_02 16:19

They only got this farm six years ago. Six years ago. So farmer Watts' wife has been working on this rancher since the grooming was illegal.

SPEAKER_00 16:27

They were literally grooming him to be a farmer. And then he was like, and then we opened up a restaurant, and then he said, It's all super cool. And I'm like, that's such a California thing to say. And all the girls were like, Oh, that is cool. But you know what I did note about Sean? He didn't say, I'm a farmer. He was like, My family has a farm, my family opened up a restaurant, my parents opened up a restaurant. He didn't like, it wasn't just I'm the farmer. And every year they have people who aren't technically farmers, but at least he's hot. I bet he surfs. Oh. I think he surfs. I don't know if they're surfing down in Sulvaine. Sulvaine is a little bit of a drive to the ocean. Yeah, I don't know. He just struck me as he's been on a board. He's got a beach house down there and he comes home on the weekend. And to do what Fox made him do to say he's a farmer, and then he just goes back to the beach. Uh Brett, he seems so nervous. And he's 35, and he's acting like he just got his ARP card or something like that. Oh my god. I don't understand why he's acting like he's not 35. He's acting older. It's time to kill him.

SPEAKER_02 17:29

He's from Tennessee. And I said last week that I thought Kimberly Paisley was from the same town as him. Brayden. But it's from Brett. It's I think she's from Tennessee.

SPEAKER_00 17:41

Yes. You were right. Yeah, because I think they needed they said something about us. Brett said he's not married yet because he wants to marry without doubts, that he's supposed to be with that person forever.

SPEAKER_02 17:53

It is crazy that even Kimberly Paisley says, this is our oldest farmer.

SPEAKER_00 17:57

Yeah. And I'm not gonna speculate on her age, but she's probably got some years on him. D I don't know. I don't know if anyone ever gets married without doubts. That's how like what? He's been waiting this long for confirmation or a definitive confirmation. I don't think you ever have that when you get married. It's always it's a risk. Yeah. But you gotta just be willing to jump head first, and that's why I should be a life coach. You should be a life coach. There'd be so many divorces because of me.

SPEAKER_02 18:23

Can't be worse than what is the rate? 50% or something like that. That's true. That's true. If I can keep my stats above that, I'm good. Well, these farmers got, like we said, nine women to choose from. Yeah. And they're gonna have a chance to meet the ladies, and they'll choose five to take back to the farm, which is pretty consistent. That is pretty consistent. Previous years.

SPEAKER_00 18:42

Yes. First up is Braden. And there's a video of his farm. He has 3,000 acres.

SPEAKER_02 18:47

Yeah. And then he tells us he's really isolated.

SPEAKER_00 18:52

Yes. Yeah. 3,000 acres. How do you do that, Dad? And not be isolated. But he draws corn and soybeans. And watching him like check the corn, it had flashbacks because like my grandparents' farm was right up on a cornfield. They had corn. And I was all, and then my brothers at some point in my childhood showed me children of the corn. Oh wow. And I was terrified. I was terrified. I would look out my bedroom window just to make sure I didn't see it doesn't scarecrow, but it don't scare away kids. It does not. Oh my gosh. So I'm glad I can share my trauma with you.

SPEAKER_02 19:24

I wonder what the dating pool. Keith said that the dating pool in Homer is slim. Yeah. You already know everyone. It's basically the people you grew up with from high school.

SPEAKER_00 19:33

Basically.

SPEAKER_02 19:34

And you probably are because nobody moves to Homer. Yeah, you just live there, you go there. Actually, slims out over time because people only leave Homer. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:44

No one else is coming in there. Except him. If he's lucky, he gets trick a wife to move in there. Homer is not that far from Chicago.

SPEAKER_02 19:52

You said you know where that is.

SPEAKER_00 19:54

You said like the Homer Tower or something. What did you say? Homer Fossmore. That's the two towns next to it. They're so small that we just bunch them together. Wow. Flossmore's a town, Homer's a town, but we just put them together because they're so tiny, no one cares. That's two hours. That's two hours away from Chicago.

unknown 20:11

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 20:11

He's not like completely. But you can get on the train and go down there, be down there in an hour. So he's not that, he's not that isolated. But also no one stops there. There's nothing there to bring people from Chicago to Homer. But usually they move to Chicago because that's yeah, you're right about that.

SPEAKER_02 20:32

And it's not like it's the suburb of Chicago. It's too far.

SPEAKER_00 20:34

Yeah, it's too far to be a suburb, but it's not far enough to justify marrying your cousin. Wow. And I think it's illegal, it's still in there. I'm not sure there's any justification for that, Michelle. For Florida. They started Florida has its own rules. Dude, they actually tried to pass a law that you couldn't marry your first cousin there and they shot it down. Wow. I'm like, who fought that? It was wild. We gotta check out Florida.

SPEAKER_02 20:59

Some of the contestants are from Florida, so it should be fun. I think that there were two Floridians who made it to the finals.

SPEAKER_00 21:05

Oh my gosh. Okay. Oh yeah, but Brent did say something. Is that Brent? Brandon did say something. He said he wanted somebody with a bubbly personality. He did. He was not, he didn't seem picky, but he seemed like he knows what he wants. So first up is our pageant winner. Carson. She's got a bubbly personality. And her parents are not gonna win a spelling beat. Let's just say that. I don't know how the hell she spells her name C-A-R-S-Y-N.

SPEAKER_02 21:30

That's why I call her is Carson with her name spelled wrong. Carson. Um 25.

SPEAKER_00 21:36

She had a really short dress. Yes, Carson. She's a content creator from 10 from Texas. But her hometown is Nashville. And she said her grandfather wrote and performed some of the country's biggest. That's right.

SPEAKER_02 21:50

She did find that she's over the City Boys, though. When you she sat on the rocks, do you see that her butt cheeks were on the rocks? Her dress was so short.

SPEAKER_00 21:59

Oh yeah. Good for her. That's how you want them. To get your look, they have to make they have 10 minutes to make an impression, right?

SPEAKER_02 22:06

She grew up in Nashville on a 25-acre ranch, but she moved to Austin and she wants to get back to the country, Michelle.

SPEAKER_00 22:13

I feel pretty good about her because she was in my top five when we did our projections last night. And they all have these little quiche ways to get remembered. They do. But you know what? She's the first one out. Yeah. And I always have my suspicions about the first ones out of the gate. Yeah, it's like a nod to us saying that this is a front runner, this is the one who can possibly win.

SPEAKER_02 22:32

I also think that the first one is not gonna actually be the winner. They're gonna make it toward the end, but not win.

SPEAKER_00 22:39

Really? Is that has that been consistent? I don't know. So we don't do research, so we have no idea. Someone will tell us if that's consistent. Okay, her, I don't know. She brings a gift. Yes, a camera. A Polaroid camera. A Polaroid camera. And she definitely has a personality. But dude, do you remember that picture? The Julia from last year. Yes, you're right. And that bikini, dude, I can't stop thinking about that picture.

SPEAKER_02 23:03

And that's the thing. When they took their selfie portrait and then showed it. Yeah. She's just hot. She is hot. It doesn't matter. And she was so smart because she's, I'm gonna give you this camera for our future dates. Yeah. For you to remember. Shoe in.

SPEAKER_00 23:16

And she, yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 23:18

She guaranteed her stock.

SPEAKER_00 23:19

It would have helped if she was in a bikini, but it didn't hurt. She had that really pretty jewelry on. Yes. You have to have confidence to wear jewelry like that. Guys don't care about jewelry. He's looking at her knockers. He's looking at her legs. She's a two-time Miss Texas. She's currently Miss Texas right now. So she's falling down on the job. She's a keeper. She I'll also say that she said she was already thinking of wedding bells. Oh, you never mention weddings on a first date. That's just a no-no.

SPEAKER_02 23:44

That's a no-no. That made me think she's first out, she's gonna go far, but she's not gonna win.

SPEAKER_00 23:48

Yeah. Oh, that's probably good. Yes. Nothing makes men's balls shrivel up faster than you mentioning a wedding or marriage on the first date.

SPEAKER_02 23:56

Next we have Alan sitting awkwardly on the rocking chair.

SPEAKER_00 23:59

And Brent's Alan, awkward Alan 2.0. Same thing. And he is over the bullshit. And by bullshit, I mean bull riding.

SPEAKER_02 24:09

He is hot riding the horse with sunglasses.

SPEAKER_00 24:12

That's just you because that's your lifestyle. That's what you grew up in. He is hot in his own right, but once you stand next to Sean, he's not as hot. Um his bank account might be hot. His bank account might be hot. Because he's an entrepreneur. He is. And they didn't really mention that in his stats before. So I'm like, ooh, Chaching.

SPEAKER_02 24:31

Do you remember he has the granola bar and tequila brand? Yeah. Yes, he did. This granola bar is to water down the tequila so you can have another shot. I love it.

SPEAKER_00 24:40

It was genius. Make it where you can like just sop the granola bars in your liquor. So Hannah, is it Hannah? She's up first. She's up first. Another Floridian. Yes. And she her entrance reminds me of Sydney's entrance. Interesting. The backlighting, the heavenly kind of angel. Well, because I was like, she's a good match for him. She's so pretty with her black boots and her hair. Yeah. And I think she was my pick to win, too. So I'm feeling good about that.

SPEAKER_02 25:07

He says he's not nervous, but he seemed nervous. He seemed very nervous. And they made a wish. Her grandmother would give her wishing stars growing up, and they would close their eyes and make their wish on the star. So she gives him this wishing star. And it was funny because then she's like, tell me your wish. And he's like, wait, what? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:25

He wasn't prepared for that. He was not. I think he was secretly wishing to smell her hair or something really creepy. And then he couldn't say it out. Because you go first. You go first. Ah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you go you go. I'm right behind you. You go. And then he it was some generic wish about I just wish I find my wife.

SPEAKER_02 25:42

Both of them.

SPEAKER_00 25:42

Yeah, both of them. It was like, what else are they gonna say? Right out the gate, he says he has butterflies. Or she says she had butterflies. Yeah. Who had butterflies?

SPEAKER_02 25:50

I think they both have butterflies. I think she did say she had butterflies.

SPEAKER_00 25:53

Right out the gate. And honestly, as we get into it, a lot of people said butterflies, and I wonder if that was something fed to them by the producers. Say you have butterflies. So there was a commercial. I had a commercial. I didn't write anything down. I watched on Hulu the next day. So commercial.

SPEAKER_02 26:08

I think I upgraded my account.

SPEAKER_00 26:09

Christine's rich, y'all. She doesn't have to be subjected to commercials because poor people.

SPEAKER_02 26:18

Do I think I have commercials on that though? So suck it, Christine. Or maybe Sean wants to know if he has to wear his cowboy hat the whole time. Because when he's surfing at the beach, he doesn't take his cowboy hat.

SPEAKER_00 26:29

Hell no, he gets sand all in it. No way.

SPEAKER_02 26:32

And then they show his family farms. What the fuck? I know. It looks delightful. He says, I know I come from privilege.

SPEAKER_00 26:43

And I'm like, at least he knows. At least he's recognizing that. I'm like, see, this is the difference between a California farmer and if you're a homer, or you're not thinking you're privileged. You're working at 3,000 acres. There's nothing privileged about that lifestyle.

SPEAKER_02 26:59

That was an impressive home.

SPEAKER_00 27:01

It was. Sean is the wannabe. Did you see him take the grape off the vine? And like grape juice is just falling down his bare chest. It was so sexy. But I love that. I love that he said, I know that I'm privileged. And he and it's a beautiful. It's beautiful. It's not the 3,000 acres. I think it's like 22 acres. I think it's exactly his age. That's another like fox Easter egg to show us that this is their doing. But he uh he talks to Olivia first. She's 21. She's my pick to win. She's your pick to win. Is she also my pick? Yes. Yay!

SPEAKER_02 27:38

You know what? Is that true? Or she's in my top five. Yeah. So she's from Montana. And she's lived on a hobby farm as a young girl with chickens and ponies, which just confirmed. I'm like, I'm so gonna beat Michelle this season.

SPEAKER_00 27:54

She's in my top five, though. I did not have her to win. She's in my top five. And she's from Montana. And Sean says that's his favorite state because he's like child. And that's the capital that he knows is Helena.

SPEAKER_02 28:10

He's oh, I know that one. I know that one. It's Helena Michelle. It's where I was born. You were not. You're born in Helena? Helena.

SPEAKER_00 28:19

Fine. I guess I have to defer to you if you were born there.

SPEAKER_02 28:22

She has a woodworking business and a beauty business doing lashes and tans. His eyes just bugged out of his head. I got a tan. And he's like, I'm handy. I'm handy too. And then they held hands. They did. It was cute, right? And I was just, I was jumping on the sofa and I was like, oh my gosh, I'm gonna be the winner. It's Olivia. You think?

SPEAKER_00 28:45

Yeah. Um, I don't know. She's still top five. I said they do have a lot in common. They did, they definitely had a lot. I guess they have a lot in common. Oh, that's my favorite state. Oh, I like wood. I don't know. I don't know if they really do, but okay. But she's adorable. She's so cute. So cute.

SPEAKER_02 29:03

So then they kind of fast forward to clips. I'll say that some of these things, like dancing with Anna Paula was awkward and right that she wasn't gonna be.

SPEAKER_00 29:12

Carolyn, the other Carson who spells her name right, poor Anna. I'm just like, it's the flamingo thing. It's never gonna happen. Never.

SPEAKER_02 29:20

It's never gonna happen. Rihanna was Miss New Orleans, and we were like, he's not gonna choose the black girl. Not never gonna choose the black. No, it's fucking gorgeous, though. She's so gorgeous.

SPEAKER_00 29:31

Oh, she had her pageant sash on. But she gave him a catwalk walking lesson. Yeah, and for a second I thought, oh, maybe he might pick her because they look like they were having fun. He seemed okay and they laughed or whatever. I'm like, maybe. Deep down inside, we all know it was never gonna be her. Cassie and Brandon had a had kind of like a little cute moment in there, too. Yeah, I think Braden really likes her. Do I call him Brandon? You did.

SPEAKER_02 29:58

And she saved him from a bug. He says that he can tell that she wasn't trying hard to impress him. She was authentic. He said the magic word, drink up, authentic. Take a drink. And we meet Lauren. Lauren, yeah, she's up next, and she's 29. Yes. And she says that he's handsome and she likes that he's older because she's older too.

SPEAKER_00 30:24

She's older than 29. That's for damn sure. Are we still pretending that she's 29? Okay, fine. She's from New Jersey, so I don't want to get on her bad side, man.

SPEAKER_02 30:34

Okay, can I just even in my notes at this point? I said, did she seem like a snob out the door? She seemed like a plant. Oh. Oh, interesting.

SPEAKER_00 30:43

Like this is the bachelor thing. They have that one plant in there that shakes up that first night and makes everyone to cause an uproar and fights, and they're a fire starter, which honestly is what we asked for. Please.

SPEAKER_02 30:57

I'm so happy that Lauren is with us. Just keep her forever. Please, Fox God. Says that she did not get her butterflies. The producers is like butterflies. She's like, No, but not in the right way. Yeah. As long as you say the word butterflies, you've met their quota. But then it was funny because when she came back and talked with the girls, she's our conversation flowed. I really liked him.

SPEAKER_00 31:22

Yeah, and everyone was like, Oh, she was really selling it. Oh, and this one said, Do you like him? And she's like, Yes, yes, I like him. Say Flight Outlied. I love that. I love that for her. I love that for us. And then there's a commercial for me. Did you see The Devil Wears Prada? You did not. You don't have there's a Devil's Wears Prada part two coming out. Did you not see this? Ooh. All original class is back. Meryl Streep and Hathaway. And for some reason, now Anne Hathaway is older than Meryl Streep. I don't know how that happens. They look around the same age right now. And I'm like, how did that happen? Meryl Streep does not age. Do you ever see that show, Death Becomes Us? Yes. I think it's a Death Becomes Us situation. Because Meryl Streep looks the exact same. And it's not like a plastic. Do you know she's never gonna die? She's never gonna die. She's gonna outlive us all. And I would have it no other way. She's a goddess. She should live. But it looks good. It looks, I'm gonna, I'm not gonna- You're such a critic of the movies, too.

SPEAKER_02 32:19

The fact that you are excited about this.

SPEAKER_00 32:21

I'm excited because the original cast is returning. If like Merle Streep didn't come, or Ann Hathaway, I would be no point of watching it. But everyone's returning, and I'm I'm excited about it. They must believe in it to come back for it. So I'm very excited about that. I still haven't seen that space one everyone's talking about the Ryan Gossip. Oh, the Hail Mary. Yeah, I just haven't seen that yet.

SPEAKER_02 32:42

Gotta go see it.

SPEAKER_00 32:43

I actually last week I went to go see that Stranger Things had a special premiere. What was that? It was so good. Oh, really? It was good. It was animated, right? Yeah, it was two of the first two episodes of the animated series coming out on Netflix. Excellent. It was a hundred times better than the actual show.

SPEAKER_02 32:58

Get out. I'm like, why didn't can I say that the thing I did not like about the original series? There's a lot I didn't like about the characters. Yeah. I do not like those boys. Yeah. So they might check out the animation.

SPEAKER_00 33:10

You should check out that it's the same character, right? Yeah, it's the same characters, the same plot. But it was so well written. And I don't think the same people who wrote the original wrote this. This is like way better. And maybe you can just do more in animation than you can in in live action. Wow. But yeah, I had I hate everything. So maybe it's the wine that's me or that pill, the secret pill.

SPEAKER_02 33:32

I I somehow see a pill missing from the bowl of whoppers. That's why Michelle's so happy.

SPEAKER_00 33:40

I mixed it in with the Whopper so it'd be sweet going down. Was Cameron in that red dress next? Cameron, who's all whose parents also will never win a game of Scrabble. They're just never gonna rent Scrabble. K-A-M-R-Y-N. What is with this? I think Y N is a thing now. Everyone's throwing all remember how it was like Brittany Lynn and Kate Lynn. I think this is now they're just gonna combine them into making stuff. Cameron. She's a single mom. She's 23, a single mom, and wow, she's gaga.

SPEAKER_02 34:13

She's super gaga, but I was like, I don't know what Sean's gonna think about that. She and she says she's a farm girl, she and she has an animal rescue. She's from Lubbock. Yeah, she says she's got the farm, the dog rescue, and he's like, I love animals, you love animals, and they both want to get hippo or something. What was it? They there was some animal they wanted to get together. Divorced?

SPEAKER_00 34:36

What? What'd you say? I said a hippo. A hippo. Oh, it was some animal, right? What was that? I don't know. Let's just say hippo because that's fun. Those things are beasts. They are really fast. People don't then know that about hippos, but they run like 30 miles per hour and they will rip you apart.

SPEAKER_02 34:54

Her son crew is four years old. Oh. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:58

Are you doing maths? I'm doing the math. No. Her son crew is almost the same age as Sean.

unknown 35:05

Huh?

SPEAKER_00 35:06

Sean's just a little bit older. They can talk about trucks together.

SPEAKER_02 35:10

Sean wants to start a family immediately. I'm not sure he's ready. He does not want to start. Come on.

SPEAKER_00 35:15

Christine does not want to start a farm. He handled it well. Oh, family's the most important thing. Families are really important. But he is, at the end of the day, he is 22.

SPEAKER_02 35:24

That's a big responsibility.

SPEAKER_00 35:26

That is a big responsibility for a hot smoking hot 22-year-old on a wicked patch of land in California.

SPEAKER_02 35:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:34

And she tells him right away, because I think in the past they've weighed it to reveal they have a child.

SPEAKER_02 35:40

Appreciate that she came out with it right now. I do too. It's nothing to be ashamed of. 100%. Either you want this or you don't.

SPEAKER_00 35:47

Exactly. We're a package deal. She's fucking hot. I don't on any other planet, in any other situation, you would have snapped her up in a heartbeat. They have another quick pops. They have all these pops.

SPEAKER_02 35:58

Braden, he says that Faith caught his eye. Yes. From California.

SPEAKER_00 36:02

I love Annabelle's accent.

SPEAKER_02 36:04

Oh, she's Annabelle. And Sean liked her accent too. Yeah. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 36:09

And um, Stephanie 31, she leaves, she leaves with the age shame. I loved this. She's I don't have time. I did not like this. I did not like this.

SPEAKER_02 36:19

Oh, I did. He had those heels on too. Oh. She's a model. Of course she's a model.

SPEAKER_00 36:25

Of course she is. Of course. And she likes tequila. Yeah. And she called out his weird walking. Remember, I said that? And she was like, them old man bones. And he's no, I just put on some new pants. They're really stiff. I'm like, oh, so he didn't have anything up his ass. Not that I was judging.

SPEAKER_02 36:41

She doesn't know that she knows how to cook and drink because he's got the tequila company.

SPEAKER_00 36:46

I think there's a ratatouille situation going on with him and his mustache. Just for the record. I think that's why he was walking so weird because the mustache is ratatouilling him. I told him we're gonna make out. So he's I'm banking that. Yes. Stephanie's in. Yes, definitely. And she's 31, age appropriate.

SPEAKER_02 37:04

I do think that Brett really liked her.

SPEAKER_00 37:06

I think he liked her too. I and maybe look, maybe he likes the age shaming. Maybe she he likes the not cruel banter, but some guys really think the mean mean cute. Yes, they like to be beat up on a pantry. They like to get, oh God. Not only that, not only is he ancient, he's like into that BTS that's a BDN pop group. Yes, B DMS. You would know. Christine listens to those books, guys. Those really smuddy, smuddy books. I'm listening to such a good one right now. Are you? Oh my god!

SPEAKER_02 37:39

Is this like another one you're an eight-hour? It's 52 hours. One credit on Audible for 52 hours.

SPEAKER_01 37:48

Oh, that's worth it. Is it like a collection?

SPEAKER_02 37:53

Well, Lauren's been hearing a lot about Farmer Braden and she's a little jealous.

SPEAKER_00 38:00

She wants a piece of that. She's like, what?

SPEAKER_02 38:03

He's hot? He he has a shit together? I want that. And I also think that she recognizes that Brett is not gonna choose her. Yeah, I think she sees the writing on the wall.

SPEAKER_00 38:16

He did say she had beautiful eyes. And then And this is the thing. I know it's controversial, but we've been advocating from this from days. This is true. This is one. We've been egging this shit on. And if they are listening to us, they're like, okay, let's do it.

SPEAKER_02 38:32

She tells the production team, Brett is not the guy for me. And I want to go talk to Braden. And she's like, this is about me.

SPEAKER_00 38:40

I'm here to find my man. I love it, Lauren. I love it. I love that you think Farmer White's a wife is about you. And I love it.

SPEAKER_02 38:50

Really loving it too. I I she's the devil of the episode. I love it. You need a villain. This show never has a villain. Oh my goodness for Lauren. And I hope they keep her to the very, very end. I hope they keep her all the way to the end. The thing is, she knew she was going to be sent home. So she's like, I need to be. You think she saw the writing on the wall. I need some more screen time.

SPEAKER_00 39:14

Oh. Again, I think she's a producer plant. I think she was put there here. But I also think if it is real, at no point does she ever think she was not going to be chosen. She seems like the type where you're going to choose me. Like, I don't even think it even crossed her mind that she wasn't going to get chosen. I think she thinks that he was definitely going to choose her. But she could do better. That's what I think she thought. And I love that about her. I love that about you, Lauren. Thank God. Are there more quick dates? Emily had that, I called it the chocolate chip dress.

SPEAKER_02 39:44

The chocolate chip dress. Brown polka dots. Like chocolate chips, Michelle.

SPEAKER_00 39:47

I love chocolate chip, but what do you mean? What was the dress? Why do you say it was chocolate chip? Because always brown. Brown polka dots. Oh, okay. Cookie monster style. That's funny. She presents she presented herself like dessert served up. And that I think that's a good psychological approach. I read once that older men are attracted to the smells of fruit, like strawberries and things like that. And younger men are attracted to the smell of sweets. Interesting. So you should wear your cologne perfume accordingly to that. Wow. Yeah. So she looks like a chocolate. That was back with my dating days when I was doing like 100 guys. I wasn't, wait a minute. Yes, Michelle, tell us. I wasn't doing a hundred guys. My goal was to date a hundred guys a year. Because I figured it was a numbers game. And I'm like, out of a hundred guys, I'm gonna need at least 10 quality guys out of there. So I had these strategies. And you picked Nick in the end. He was like number seven or eleven or something. He was early on. Wow. I still dated other guys when we're dating him. But don't tell him. Yeah. He doesn't listen to the show. He'll never know. He'll never know. He'll never know. Did we do the quick pops already? I saw those. I saw Julia Heather, Emily. Stunning. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 41:10

Emily was the chocolate chip dress.

SPEAKER_00 41:12

Oh, is that the chocolate chip dress? That's what we've been talking about for five minutes. Okay. There is something about her presence. Yes. She's so chill and so cute, really. So cute and like soothing. There's something very soothing about her. And oh yeah. She's in my she's in my power five. Emily was in my power five. And but I don't think she's as ethnic as I thought she was. So at this point, I'm thinking maybe Brooke and Brianna still have a shot. I think there's some curse against the McKenzie's of this series.

SPEAKER_02 41:42

You went all in for McKenzie. You love you, you only picked her because her name was McKenzie. Yeah, that might be true. Mackenzie really did like Farmer Braden, but she says she struggled with her confidence, and I think it showed.

SPEAKER_00 41:54

Poor Mackenzie. She's struggling with confidence. She wants to be chosen. How can anyone who looks like that feel unchosen?

SPEAKER_02 42:02

And this is, I was watching this last night with Charlotte, and Charlotte goes, I'm gonna DM her and tell her how beautiful she is. Someone, oh, that's so sweet. I think someone needs to. My teen daughter thinks you're beautiful, McKenzie. She is beautiful. I'm like, wait a minute.

SPEAKER_00 42:17

Come on, that cannot happen. That cannot be real. But you know what? There's something that happens, and uh, McKenzie's 25. There's something that happens in your late 20s that it clicks and you finally realize how fucking hot you are. I don't, I think she still might be too young to really get it, but later in life, she's gonna be like, look at me, look at my boobs.

SPEAKER_02 42:38

You don't have that self-confidence. That's the thing, is I felt like it showed. And he picks up on that. Yeah, he he knows that there's some little niche missing. I'm like sitting here moving my hands. There's just you're doing the hand around her boobs.

SPEAKER_00 42:51

She's moving her hand, she's groping herself, really, people. I and she is whose girl was she? She was Braden. She's Braden's girl, and I yeah, he seems to go in for the confidence. He does. But he also wanted, I don't know who these guys are. Brent and Braden need that Brandon need to change their fucking names. I the whole night. Do you notice that they weren't putting their names under them? Yes, it's just for extra confusing. Just a tip, Fox. God damn it. You guys are so close to getting this right this year. Put the names under the people when they're talking. It's helpful. It's helpful.

SPEAKER_02 43:27

We don't know who these people are.

SPEAKER_00 43:28

There's 30 people. Let us know who they are. I've worked the Chiron or worked CG. It takes you two seconds to do this. You're so close. You're so close to having a phone episode. I mean a few more with help from us, a little bit more guidance. She'll be there. We have an actual dating show. Are we back to Lauren? She's talking with the production. Yes. Lauren gets her chance to meet Bray Brandon. And they're in. Shit. We're not gonna give you a full date. She's shooting her shot. Yeah. This they use this term. Shooting her shot. Is that what they said? I think that's like. Pretty pornographic term. You're shooting your shot all over his face. I mean we're gonna get a close-up of that baby. We need a close-up of you shooting your shot.

SPEAKER_02 44:09

So she approaches him and he's oh, there's another one?

SPEAKER_00 44:12

Can I just say it's not pornographic, it's basketball. I just wanna, you've been listening to a B D S M P book too much. It's just you're taking your shot. You're shooting your yeah. You know what the name of my book is? Is it shooting your shot? Because we miss 100% of the shots you don't take. I'm almost embarrassed to say it because then when they're like, Christine's listening to this. Yes. Called filthy wicked psychos.

SPEAKER_02 44:44

Sick.

SPEAKER_01 44:48

What is it called?

SPEAKER_02 44:50

Wicked psychos.

SPEAKER_00 44:56

Okay, okay. You know how I'm selling did I tell you that I'm selling my pictures of my feet now. There's a sleep. There's a no, I have to work up to OnlyFans. I'm I'm not there yet. It's a site called Sniffer. And I only say this because I would have been shocked by that yesterday, but I looked on this site. Michelle, I am not shocked, Nepal. That's like the least shocking thing I've heard in the last 24 hours. Oh my god. Wicked. Filthy, filthy wicked psychos.

SPEAKER_03 45:30

Wicked psychos.

SPEAKER_00 45:32

Everyone, I'm gonna get that book too. We never had our book club.

SPEAKER_02 45:36

We never had our book clubs of entertainment with one credit of audibles. Oh my filthy wickedness.

SPEAKER_01 45:44

I love and they're psychotic.

SPEAKER_00 45:48

Dude, I love it. I love all of those. Those are my three favorite words. We're gonna check it out. Speaking of psychos, Lauren approaches our little friend Brayden. And the first thing out of the gate, he likes to compliments her on her beautiful eyes. The same as Brett. The same as Brett and her boldness for taking the bull by the horns, if you would.

SPEAKER_02 46:16

He says that it was a pleasant surprise. And this is the thing, it's something out of the ordinary, splips things around. So you're like, oh wow. It strokes his ego even more than it already is. And she goes in with all of her ammunition. I hunt, I fish, yeah, I belong on a farm.

SPEAKER_00 46:34

Yeah, it was like an interview. It was like they were conducting an interview. And if she's from upstate New York, and she come on getting on that subway is really, it's like hunting. Your prey, absolutely. But I live in the middle of nowhere. You want to move? I move anywhere. I move anywhere, I do anything. Listen to this book, and you'll know everything I'm into. She was just like, she just, I think it was about winning. She wanted to be chosen. She wanted to be able to.

SPEAKER_02 47:00

And that's the thing. She knew that Brett wasn't gonna choose her. Uh-huh. So she's like, how can I stay on the series? And you know what?

SPEAKER_00 47:06

She brought her boldness, and she brought two tons of blush. Did you see? Makeup. She had on a lot of makeup. Laura, let me tell you something. You are gorgeous. You don't need any of that. You're like the first thing you had all that on your face, and everyone still complimented your eyes. Right?

SPEAKER_02 47:26

You don't need any of that. I do think that you're right, though, about the whole production planting her because they were like, Brett's not gonna choose her. We need to keep her on this show. What can we do?

SPEAKER_00 47:36

Yeah, what can we do? Oh, get her.

SPEAKER_02 47:37

And even thank goodness.

SPEAKER_00 47:39

Yeah. Fox, you figured it out. And you congratulations. You did the right thing, Fox. You did the right thing. Some people are gonna fall for this, but not you and I. We've been in this today one. We know how they play this game. And honestly, and maybe they make, and I think in years past they've made the women do their own makeup, but I'm like, she even looked different than the other girls.

SPEAKER_02 47:58

I'm like, what is so that's what she really stood out to me for? This is a testament to I think the quality of the guys. I think these guys are great this season. They are, they all, you can't go wrong this season. Braden was like, I don't really want to step on anybody's toes. I like Brett, I don't want to ruin my relationship with him. Yeah. Over this girl with all the blush. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 48:18

Do you think that was him leading the charge? Was that a producer? We're just gonna set this little table up and we guys are gonna sit down and chat. They didn't do that.

SPEAKER_02 48:25

It really did make him feel a little bit uncomfortable. He knew that this wasn't morally right.

SPEAKER_00 48:29

And the producers really wanted her to stay.

SPEAKER_02 48:31

And he's they're like, You gotta choose her. And he's I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 48:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 48:35

So the cowboys sit down and they all is that where they have their little little boy Sean. He's like, I just want to take all nine girls home.

SPEAKER_03 48:43

He was like, can't you put me in my high chair?

SPEAKER_02 48:45

I'm gonna play with all my dolls. And I got some news for you guys.

SPEAKER_00 48:49

And he was like, he rats her out immediately. Immediately. He's you know that Lauren girl, she won't emballs.

SPEAKER_02 48:57

But for Brent's, I don't care. But the thing is, I think that you saw Brett's jaw like really tight.

SPEAKER_00 49:04

He cares, he cared. Not that he was gonna pick her, but I don't think he likes that. He was that's right, she chose him over him. And wait, refresh my memories. Brent the elderly one? Yes.

SPEAKER_02 49:13

Yeah, the the 35-year-old, he's so elderly. Was a jack geriatrices uh cowboy. For him personally, I didn't feel an initial connection with her, but he's gonna be like, I don't think that's true.

SPEAKER_00 49:24

I don't think that's true at all.

SPEAKER_02 49:25

If you felt a connection with her, go for it.

SPEAKER_00 49:27

I don't think that's true at all. I think he did feel an interesting connection. I honestly think he would have chosen her too.

SPEAKER_02 49:32

I just love the drama. I love this so much. So succulent, so refreshing and lovely and wonderful.

SPEAKER_00 49:39

Lovely something finally happened in a farmer Wood's wife episode. This was amazing. I love it. Keep it coming, farmers. Keep it coming. And it's decision time already. Braden's up first. Wait a minute. Shell. I'm sorry. I liked that they sat down and they talked about it. And then I also it gave stop pouring wide in my and take your pills, take your nondescript pills. I felt like giving her away. Wow, you have my permission to fuck this girl. I was like that, because honestly, it's more her choice than it is theirs. And I felt like it was, you have my permission to have my girl. Even really plays like a cockold situation.

SPEAKER_02 50:26

Unexpected happened today. We're gonna release Lauren from the grasps of and transfer the ownership over to Brayden.

SPEAKER_00 50:35

Yes, gonna sign here, initial here, and here. And Braden, once again, he rats her out right away, immediately all the other women.

SPEAKER_02 50:43

And then she's like, Lauren, join us and all the women, like they were looking at each other, like, what the hell's happening? See? McKinsey's shocked. Shot daggers at her. Yeah. Daggers were physical, yeah, Lauren would have been killed.

SPEAKER_00 50:55

Dead, her head would have exploded. And then, and I was thinking, I was like, oh no, McKinsey's shocked. Carolyn thinks it's unfair. At least she said something. Yes, and it probably is unfair. But honestly, because if this was an option, wouldn't all of the women have done it? Would they? Maybe. Not the definitely not the women who had Sean. Sean, they're saying put. But the other women, maybe we've always advocated for this. The women should be able to change.

SPEAKER_02 51:22

This is true. The women should have always had the opportunity to change. Because it's one thing to look at a profile online and swipe left or swipe right. But you need that physical connection. Yes. The butterflies either happen or they don't.

SPEAKER_00 51:32

They don't, especially with these producers. You better say the word butterfly. Or else. But I feel like if that was on the table, it should have been on the table for everyone. Don't wait to decision time and say this happened.

SPEAKER_02 51:43

As soon as she came into the bar and I was just praying that they took her back to the farm no matter what.

SPEAKER_00 51:47

Oh, me too. She looked severe. She looked, I'm like, guys, what did you say? That smile girl. You said that what my Teresa from Bachelor, Golden Bachelor. You said she liked the smile. But Laura, and she just kept her head forward because I knew she she knew she was into shit. Yes. She was like, I can't make eye contact. She's gonna go back and be the hated person in the house.

SPEAKER_02 52:08

Yes. Yeah, she knows that. Wait. Yeah. First up, he chose Casey. No big surprise, right? Yeah, Casey was in my top five. Brittany, of course, he chose Britney. Yeah, she is who I had to win, by the way. We both chose her to win. Oh, you gotta change yours. I swear I said that. I'm gonna choose her, and you go, I'm gonna choose her. And I said, we're gonna change. And you're like, no, we can both choose her. No, we will both choose her.

SPEAKER_00 52:31

Because we're both all right. It's Britney. You guys don't even have to watch the rest of the season. So they're Cameron. Cameron, which we both have. I have. So hot. I have Cameron. And even though Carson can't spell her name right, she's gonna have to learn. She's gonna have to get hooked on phonics. Before. He's not gonna not pick her. You know what, Edge, because you're a beauty pageant contestant. Spelling is not a requirement of these ladies. So maybe at some point she'll learn how to spell her name properly.

SPEAKER_03 52:57

That's true.

SPEAKER_01 52:58

And there's one spot left. Who's it gonna go to, Michelle? Is it gonna go to Mackenzie? Wounded little baby. Baby, baby dear. By sipping into a little brook.

SPEAKER_00 53:14

Is it gonna be is it gonna be McKenzie? Is it gonna be Carolyn who's upset at this whole trans thing transpire? Or is it gonna be Lauren, the drama?

SPEAKER_02 53:26

The drama. I think before the women left the barn, the tears were flowing.

SPEAKER_00 53:32

Already. They were instantly. He chooses Lauren in his top five. And who wasn't in his initial nine, choose a dark horse, and by darkness, her eye eyeliner is really dark, honey. It was really dark.

SPEAKER_02 53:46

She is the devil incarnate. And I love it. Love it. I love it. Poor Mackenzie. I said, You're the cutest girl. I hope you love yourself every day for the rest of your life. Mackenzie, get a fucking mirror, dude.

SPEAKER_00 54:00

You're fucking hot. And even if you're like, maybe I'm not hot, and then you look at the company of all the other hot women you're in, right? You belong there. You're obviously hot. So hot. And he she just talked about being chosen, but you were chosen out of hundreds and hundreds of women. I still can't believe that. But if you believe that, McKinsey, you were chosen out of hundreds and hundreds of women. And honestly, you have to just love yourself and not look for outside. Because I was like validation self every day. God damn, if I had McKinsey's legs, I would rule a fucking planet.

SPEAKER_02 54:38

I hope you're right about that she'll realize within the next two years.

SPEAKER_00 54:41

I think the next two years. I think 27, 28 is when you were like, you're like, holy shit. You grow into your body, you grow into yourself, and she's gonna realize how fucking hot she is. And that's that. And she's gonna look back on this when you're younger, you're older, you look back on your pictures, and you're like, what was I thinking? Yeah, that I think that's what the situation is. And I'm psychic. You are, I'm psychic and psycho. And psycho. Not I'm wicked, but not me. Psycho. I want to be a filthy, wicked psycho.

SPEAKER_02 55:11

Holy shit. I've got to look that one up. Baby Sean's up next. And then I'm like, oh, farmer Brett too. They're gonna go bouncing back and forth. Yes, just until we like this.

SPEAKER_00 55:21

I don't like it. I thought they announced all the women. Brady, I thought this was refreshing. Yes. I'm like, they're finally got them though. They didn't listen to us. Nope. They did not listen to us. They love confusing us.

SPEAKER_02 55:33

Well, Brett went rogue and invited one of the girls back to the farm during their solo date. I think, I think he came in his pants. And then he went to go clean up. I guess that she didn't disclose that to anyone because nobody knew. They're like looking around and they're like, oh, what really? That happened? What? It's yeah.

SPEAKER_00 55:51

Who does that? No one's ever done that. Hannah's coming home. Hannah's coming home. Oh that's the sound Brent made when he saw Hannah. Did you see me shake? You definitely shake. And then so they go back and forth. Sean, do you want to go back and forth? Or you just want to go down the list? Let's start with Brent. You want to start with Brent?

SPEAKER_02 56:10

Sure.

SPEAKER_00 56:11

Brent, he chose Hannah. Yep. Quinn?

SPEAKER_01 56:14

She was not on my radar. Was she on yours? Did she have Quinn? Gwen? She's not. I didn't even write her name down. Gwen. Are you talking about Liana? No, Gwen. Didn't he choose Quinn? Gwen? That's what I thought she was in my radar.

SPEAKER_00 56:32

That's why I was shocking. Gwen! Gwen Gutterman! She's 26. She has those big eyes. The big Oh. Charlotte said that she looks like a go. She does look like a go. And by go, we say ghost. We don't say that in this house because it's haunted. Yeah. And they get all they're gonna get brints in their pants if we say that it knowledge their presence. Gwen Gutterman. So look who is right. She agree. I think this happened because Christine ate that pill that I brought in the house.

SPEAKER_02 57:02

I didn't take any of those unknown tablets that Michelle tried to put my whoppers.

SPEAKER_00 57:09

I'm just gonna bake them in a pie and take them to my neighbor. And Cassie? Yes. Heather.

SPEAKER_02 57:16

Yes. And Stephanie. Yeah, and I was glad he chose Stephanie. I wasn't really sure if he was gonna choose her or not. So out of She's the tall one with the heels.

SPEAKER_00 57:25

I like Stephanie too. I like her too. Stephanie, I don't think I had Stephanie. I don't think I had Gwen. But just out of curiosity, who did you have instead of Gwen? Quinn. Quinn? Quinn. I don't trust people with cues in their names.

SPEAKER_02 57:38

I don't know if I had my whole list of people. So then Sean invited Emily, and I knew that he liked her. Yeah, I like Emily. Emily's oh calming. I agree. And then of course he chose Olivia. She's calming like the pill I put in.

SPEAKER_00 57:53

Carson with the right name, yes.

SPEAKER_02 57:56

And Beth, of course, she's so adorable. How could anyone not choose her?

SPEAKER_00 58:00

She's gonna be chosen.

SPEAKER_02 58:02

He's got one more choice.

SPEAKER_00 58:04

Don, and I'm I am so worried right now because he has yet to pick my choice to win. I was freaking out. I'm like, Christine is not gonna let me hear the end of this if he does not pick my choice to win. I was panicking. If he picks Macy, who is my choice to win?

SPEAKER_02 58:21

She's so adorable with those curling curls. How could you not choose her? Love it. Cameron, she was just heartbroken. The red dresses did not do well on this episode. Red dresses didn't? Oh, you're right.

SPEAKER_00 58:35

You're right. And she looked amazing in that red dress. She looked amazing. She's got a four-year-old son. She has a four-year-old son. That's a lot. You know what? I feel like that red dress can make you forget most things. The way she looked in that dress would make most guys forget about anything other than her in that red dress. But look, you want a guy who wants to be a stepdad. That's just you can't work around that. You can't get someone who's half-assing that. And the thing for the best.

SPEAKER_02 59:05

And there's a kid in the picture, like there's a dad somewhere. Yes. So what if that baby can't even relocate?

SPEAKER_00 59:11

Yes. And you know what I was thinking? Oh, you're right. You're right. You know what I was thinking? Now last year they had surprise dates with women who didn't make the cut. And I yeah, and I wonder if we're gonna see some of these women again. And as I feel like if Lauren hadn't gone back, that's who Lauren would be. But I feel like we're we might see some kind of variation of these women in later episodes. I like this. Thank you. That just came to me. If Fox is listening to us, which they should.

SPEAKER_02 59:39

There's one last big decision to be made.

SPEAKER_00 59:42

Oh, yes.

SPEAKER_02 59:43

Who gets that first 24 hours with Sean? Uninterrupted with Sean alone time. With Sean in that fancy ranch. Oh yes. He chooses.

SPEAKER_00 59:55

You know how Sean has a hot tub, right? Oh, he does.

SPEAKER_02 59:58

He has everything. There's a tennis court, there's private masseuse. Oh shit. His house was legit.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:07

Sean is legit. He's too young. He's never gonna marry. He's probably gonna break up with whoever he chooses right off the bat. But up until then. Oh child. Okay. Olivia must be out of her mind excited. Yeah. And sometimes I sometimes it's not the woman they want to bang the most. Sometimes it is just uh weed them out.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:28

I will say that it made me a little nervous because I do think historically that they don't always pick in the end the person they choose to take home for the 24-hour date.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:37

Because that person it just turns out not to be who they thought they were. Right. And it's a huge advantage, or it's a it could be a detriment to you, too. Yeah. So I'm feeling pretty confident he's not gonna choose Olivia after this. And then Brett. Braden. Whatever.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:53

Why no? Whatever. Oh, yeah, I'm sorry. You're right.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:57

They're actually interchangeable at this point. I think they changed their names. Why would they do that?

SPEAKER_02 1:01:01

Why would they make both of those names be? And I was a little surprised.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:08

I was surprised too about Cassie. Just Cassie. Yeah. I'm like, oh, okay. But again, this doesn't mean necessarily she's a front runner. It could just be let me find out a little bit more about her. Because she challenged him to a foot race. And he was really curious as if he could win. So maybe this is his time. He's like, God damn it, I know I can take her. I know I can take her. I just need a clear stretch. So you're right, you're right. So maybe this is it. And he likes to be challenged. Maybe that's some challenging. Oh gosh, I'm so drunk. Braden. Wait a minute, wait a minute.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:39

I gotta burp.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:41

Okay, no, I don't. Braden says that his girl made a big impression on him. Because he couldn't spell her name either. That is the reason why. You're like, who the fucker? He wants to get to the bottom of how, if this really says it's her birth certificate. The rest of the population of the great state of Texas, he chose Carson as the winner.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:07

Yes. And he looked, he said he wanted a big bubbly personality. And she's got it. She's got it. I wonder if she was miscongeniality too. Can you win and be Miss Congeniality? I do think you can. Christine was miscongeniality, y'all. She got she was miscongeniality in the bunny bashing capital of the world. So they know personality there. You were miscongeniality. Um, and it shows. And then they kind of show like previews for the next week.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:39

I said that it looks like we're mixing in some bachelor takeouts this season.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:44

Because they're doing tantric sex.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:46

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:47

I don't know who that was dry humping who, but they're it was like they've never had that level of intimacy on this show. Is it looking filthy, wicked? It might be psychotic good. Next season on HBO Cinemax. Oh, I am shocked because this is the this is what Fox is risking by making us happy. They are risking shooting past their audience. And they have an audience that don't like hand holding, let alone Patrick Sass.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:19

Oh, they can pick up higher audience.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:22

That's true. That's a gamble, but I think they're on a really good path here. I said there's lots of tears and bitchy girls, so it's gonna be so much crying.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:30

Great season.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:30

So much crying. And I hope most of it is due in part to Lauren's presence. But I'm very excited about the season.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:40

She's gonna be around for at least a few weeks. They're never gonna let her go. They're gonna tell, they're gonna make it a contingency on his contract.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:48

That the Lauren stays at least until the top three, you think?

SPEAKER_02 1:03:52

Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:53

I don't think she's gonna win.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:54

100% not gonna win.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:57

I think every day.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:58

When the guys get together, Braden's gonna be like with Brett when he sees Braden, he's gonna be like, You still have Lauren around?

SPEAKER_00 1:04:05

Not really my choice. I think every week he's gonna want to get rid of her and they're gonna try to keep her. Yeah. What's that saying? Fortune favors the bold. Oh. Yeah. So that maybe that's Lauren. See you with your wisdom. Oh my gosh. As your life coach.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:20

That's because I took the blue pill. I told you you should have tried it. She left a yellow one for me. I made it like the plague. What are those are for your bones? Bone health is important to say. That was it. First episode was a great success.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:38

It was. I'm shocked. I am thorough that Fox produced a decent episode. I don't know what to say. Congratulations. Michael Roach, if you're still at the company begging us not to edit out stuff. So you say huzz hurr.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:55

Huzzar? Like a half a glass of wine. You kept filling my cup.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:01

What is it? Huzzar? Huzzah! Huzzah! Have you ever never have you never been to like a Renaissance fair before?

SPEAKER_02 1:05:08

Oh, that's it they say at the Renaissance. You know what? It's either winding down or just ended, the Renaissance fair.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:14

Oh, am I missing it right now? Yes. Damn it.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:17

I love a good Renaissance fair. And you know what? It wasn't that hot this year. It would have been a great year to go.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:21

I'm gonna look it up. I'm so bummed.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:24

It might be the last weekend. We could go.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:26

Let's go to the Renaissance fair. Okay. Are we done with whatever this was? Michelle, that was amazing. It was amazing. You did a great job. You did too, Michelle. No, you did you. I feel like you really carried us. I don't know about that. I feel like of the two of us, you're the most sober. I didn't take one of those pills. Yet. You haven't taken a pill yet. And but when you factor in the one I poured in your drink, you did. So there you have it.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:55

You've roofied me before.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:57

Oh yeah. I've definitely roofied you before. The fun in it, isn't it, Christine? Not knowing if I'm roofing you or not. When I go to clubs or whatever, that's the fun in it for everyone. You never know if I'm gonna roof for you. That's why I get invited to parties all the time. Michelle has this weird bag of pills.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:14

At least Renna has boycotted you from joining her parties.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:18

For roofing her, she totally got roofied too.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:22

All right, you guys, that was the first week. That was the first week. I'm exhausted. I cannot wait. How many more weeks are there? I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:30

It's always a mystery. It is a mystery. Because I feel like, oh wait, no, this started later than previous year. Because usually it starts right after the Super Bowl. There's like usually 10 episodes. Yeah. Let's just hope they keep with that.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:43

Because like, how much, how long can they keep the Lauren thing going? With the three farmers, do you think that we're gonna have more time getting to know the women and the men, like their relationships? No.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:57

But I don't want to either. I don't want like every year the women are the stars of this. Yes. Um so maybe we'll have some time to get to know the contestants more, but as they relate to the men, no. We don't need to know them. We barely even see them. It's usually the camera's on the women, and the men come in later and they take a date or something like that, and all the other women stew, and that's where the camera stays with the other women. Whatever. And plus it's Sean. Next week we'll see the homes. We will. Some women are gonna be disappointed, I think, when they get to the lovely town of Homer.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:32

They're like, oh, okay. That they have electricity and power to the residents of those homes.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:40

It's sad to say that it's not a definite. It's sad to say that it's not a hundred percent up to code. I like to think that Fox has listened to us and made sure there's at least a generator on the property or something. The women don't have to use outhouses, they have heat, they have everything they need on these farms.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:02

So it'd be lovely if because in seasons past, those components have actually been missing.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:07

Yes, those have actually had to be a conversation. There'd be nothing to do in the name. Who was it? I can't forget whose farm it was, if it was Awkward Allen's or whatever, but when the women were stir crazy, he would take them to the gas station to get pizza. Yes. And I'm like, God damn. Look, we know what that's to have to go into town to get like any kind of fun or just a change of scenery. That's how Homer is. Wow. Yeah. So we'll see. We'll see.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:32

Look forward to it.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:33

We'll see. Tennessee has to be more stuff around Tennessee.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:36

We're gonna see you next week.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:37

We'll see. See, do you remember? Okay. Do you remember Hunter and a Hat Street fan? Yes. And who was the girl we picked on her? Mercifully.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:47

Oh, who left and came back? Yes. She left and came back. And then she just recently got married and had a baby.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:53

Yes. Congratulations. And she was like, I'm never gonna leave my farm. I'm not gonna move in with you. I'm not gonna live with you. I'm not gonna date you. And he still chose her. Yeah. I think she was from Tennessee. That's why I say that. She was like, I'm not leaving my grandparents' farm to come and be with you. Yeah. He was but I'm Megan. Megan. Whoa, that was you pulled that crap. I pulled that out of my I have to pull that out, man. That hurt. I'm gonna have to go lay down after this. But she was like, I'm never gonna leave my grandparents' farm. And he still chose her. Yes. I just I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:24

At least some of these farmers, like even Brayden with Lauren, he's like, are you really gonna leave? No, she's the organically. She's not gonna leave you. She says that she is because she wants some more TV time. She needs the TV time. She has that contract with Fox to Yeah, and to keep on going.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:38

And I hope she keeps lying. I hope she lies all the way to the end. Because Lauren, you need to stay in this competition. You're amazing. And Mackenzie, we're gonna reach out with positive affirmations. Affirmations daily. And like a we'll send you a brochure with Christine's cult teacher. Yeah, you're ready. You're primed for the cult. And thank you guys for joining. Yes. Uh it's always fun. It always fun. Share with your friends. It's gonna be a great season. Let them join in our chaos. Tune in to next episode. It'll be subscribe. Subscribe. What do you guys do people say? People say stuff. All the people in Russia who are watching us.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:19

Yes. I wonder if we could pick up a new country this year.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:22

We could pick up Ukraine. Wouldn't that be controversial if we picked up Ukraine?

SPEAKER_03 1:10:27

Goodbye, you filthy wicked psychopaths. Bye! Cappaholics, pour it up, sip it down, laugh it off, twist the crown. Clink goes the glass. Here comes the sass. Spilling it now.