Riding the Waves of Emotion: Starlyn Haneman's Transformation and the Art of Nurturing Well-being | Season 3 Episode 326

Have you ever been caught in the grip of emotions so raw they left you breathless, or gone through a day swaying under the weight of unspoken anxiety? We've all been there, and this episode is a balm to those aching parts of our psyche. Our guest, wellness maven Starlyn Haneman, sheds light on her own evolution from a gritty motorcycle mechanic to a guiding force for women grappling with anxiety, showing us that it's more than okay to ask for help and to step into vulnerability.

Strap in for a ride across the vast terrain of self-discovery and healing, where we uncover the strength in facing the tough stuff head-on—be it ditching an alcohol habit, dismantling the myth of the ever-sacrificing parent, or inspiring our kids to acknowledge their emotions. We're peeling back the layers, not just on personal growth, but on how our actions ripple out to those around us, like our children who are watching and learning from our every move. This episode is a heart-to-heart on the messiness of being human, the laughter and tears that come with growing pains, and the profound impact of leading by example when it comes to expressing feelings.

Forget the cookie-cutter approach to wellness; we're breaking molds and challenging norms. Life's a wild hike and everyone's trail looks different. From the transformational power of exercise as a mental health tool to overcoming the guilt that shadows our strides toward self-care, we're here to remind you that your path to well-being is yours to carve. So, let's celebrate the individuality of our journeys, the peculiar fears that make us uniquely human, and the steps we take toward better health that can ignite change far beyond ourselves.


#EmotionalWellness #MentalHealthAwareness #AnxietySupport #SelfDiscoveryJourney #WellnessTransformation #VulnerabilityStrength #OvercomingAnxiety #WomenEmpowerment #ParentingWithPurpose #MindfulParenting #ExpressYourFeelings #PersonalGrowth #HealingJourney #MentalHealthMatters #BreakingNorms #TransformativeWellness #SelfCareJourney #MentalHealthTools #OvercomingGuilt #CelebrateIndividuality #UniqueWellnessPaths #LeadingByExample #WellnessPodcast #StarlynHaneman #InspiringChange #MentalHealthAdvocate

https://coachcompare.com/coach/1667-starlyn-haneman

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:02

you don't have to be positive all the time. It's perfectly okay to feel sad, angry, annoyed, frustrated, scared and anxious. Having feelings doesn't make you a negative person. It doesn't even make you weak. It makes you human and we are here to talk through it all. We welcome you to these fucking feelings podcast, a safe space for all who needs it. Grab a drink and take a seat. The session begins now.

Speaker 2: 0:33

What is up, guys? Welcome to an episode of these fucking feelings podcast. I am Micah, got producer Crystal in here with me and our very, very special guest, starlyn Haneman, correct?

Speaker 3: 0:48

Starlyn.

Speaker 2: 0:48

Haneman. Haneman, see, I knew I was going to mess up something, but you know what? It's cool, we got to correct it, haneman. So, starlyn, one thing that we like to do is we actually ask our guests to introduce themselves, because we feel like no one can introduce you better than you. So if you don't mind telling our audience a little bit about yourself, All right, I am Starlyn.

Speaker 3: 1:09

I live in Fort Collins, colorado. I am a mom of two wild and spicy girls, been married for 15 years, and I am an anxiety freedom and wellness coach that helps women to break free from anxiety and take control of their health and happiness.

Speaker 2: 1:27

That's pretty. It's pretty, it sounds pretty good, except for the woman part, because I'm like I need some help with that, Okay, you know I have.

Speaker 3: 1:36

I used to be a motorcycle mechanic in a former lifetime and so I worked a lot with men. I just haven't worked with them in the coaching capacity. So you know what, if you want some help, I will take you on.

Speaker 2: 1:48

You know what I was reading and it was talking about, I guess, like being overwhelmed. It's like overwhelmed and you help people and I'm like I am so overwhelmed, like if you knew my life right now and everything I had going on, you would be like how can you even podcast?

Speaker 3: 2:06

You're probably superhuman. I mean, some people can just take that overwhelm and just keep going.

Speaker 2: 2:12

Oh my God, and look, you know what, and I'm so tired of hearing. So I had cancer. I went into remission and then my cancer came back. So we caught it real early. But I've been on this very aggressive form of chemo, because that's kind of how they want to fight it, like, let's handle it aggressively, let's just, you know, knock it out. So, of course, for the last 90 days I have chemo brain. I don't remember anybody. Nobody is anybody's name. Crystal has magically turned into Chris. I'm like I am going through it. And then I listen to you and you're like and I'm single and I sleep in a bed by myself which is the best thing about my life, right, that I have this king size bed that I get to share with my roll ups. And then you come up here and you say I've been married 15 years and I'm like ow, because I can't even stand somebody for 15 minutes.

Speaker 3: 3:08

You know it takes work, but I gotta tell you I love sleeping by myself. I am a very lone person, so there are nights that I'm like I'm gonna sleep by myself Because I need space. You can do that. I mean that works in relationships. You can ask for what you need.

Speaker 2: 3:27

No, you know what I'm always. I always feel like like, what do you do about the intimacy part? It is like okay, so, like you say, you have your moments where you just like you want to sleep by yourself. Like I still want to sleep by myself every day, right, so I it's like can't we just have sex in the living room, and then you go to bed and then I go to bed you know I'm not opposed to that whole like separate bedrooms idea or separate beds, like I think that that's a-okay.

Speaker 3: 3:56

My energy is much better when I sleep by myself okay, okay, so we're here.

Speaker 2: 4:04

So, uh, oh, I was trying to say, though, one thing that I always hate that people say is and I ain't going to say hate, I guess, a strong word, but you know, always God gets his toughest, or his toughest battles, to his strongest warriors, and I'm like I did not sign up for this, I did not enlist to be no warrior. God did not come down and ask me hey, do you want to do this? You know what I'm saying? Like, what about free will? But we can talk about that another time. We can talk about that another time. As you can see, I got issues, but okay, let's get into you. What made you decide to go into this field and to coach people?

Speaker 4: 4:41

You heard her. She has two girls.

Speaker 2: 4:42

I know, is that what it is? It's because you have two girls.

Speaker 3: 4:47

Well, they are a driving force behind it, for sure. But honestly, it was the path that I went down. I had anxiety and didn't know it and I'm such a need to do everything myself. Since I was little, I would say star self my mother wanted to kill me. I had to do everything myself. Since I was little, I would say star self, my mother wanted to kill me. I had to do everything myself, and I don't like to admit when I'm weak.

Speaker 3: 5:11

So I ignored anxiety and I used alcohol to cope with it and I thought it was just me being tough and pushing through you know white knuckling life. Just I'm going to get through it and that works until you have panic attacks and then you have to adjust. And I didn't want to be medicated, you know I didn't want to have that label. But then I was at that place and I was like, oh, I got to do something. So I went and got on medication and I hated it. It wasn't for me. I'm not a doctor, I will put that out there. I'm not a therapist. But that was not my path. I did not like it and so I was like, okay, I have to make some changes. What can I do and I already had been going to school for food science and human nutrition. I had a healthy lifestyle for the most part, I thought, and I decided to implement changes in my life and I quit drinking and I started focusing on, you know, meditation and doing all these things and I had thought that I wanted to help people get healthy through nutrition. But this path showed me that nutrition is a small part of it, but there's so much more going on, like up top and in your mind, that can affect everything else.

Speaker 3: 6:31

And I had I have two girls and they watched me coping with my problems with alcohol for you know, seven, five and seven years, I think. I think they're five and seven years old when I quit drinking and I was was like they are now 10 and 12. So I haven't drank in. I guess it's been four and a half years since I quit drinking. Congratulations, thank you. And I realized I didn't want them to go down the same path as me. I did not want them to think that motherhood was martyrdom, that you had to push through life and suffer. I wanted them to see that you could just live life and enjoy it and things can be hard and feelings are OK, and that is why I love the name of your podcast so much, because it was like all these fucking feelings that were in my body that I had never allowed myself to actually feel.

Speaker 2: 7:23

I just kept trying to quiet them and not allow myself to feel anything uncomfortable and I think that we all messed up, right, because it's like we don't want to allow ourselves to go through it. You know, it's like I tell people all the time like sometimes I just check out, you know, and it's like I just you won't hear from me, you won't talk to me, I don't care how much you call me, how much you come to my house and ring my doorbell when I check out. I check out because, yeah, because I realize that sometimes, in order to go through well, in order to get over something, you got to go through it. So it's like I allow myself to mourn, you know, and I use the word mourn, but mourn whatever it is that I'm going through. You know, whatever the situation was Recently, it was cancer coming back.

Speaker 2: 8:10

So it was like I had allowed myself to mourn the Micah without cancer, you know. And now who is this Micah? So it's pretty cool to hear you say that, because I always feel like there's such an important message. You know, people think about mental health and it's like, oh, you're supposed to be cured like that.

Speaker 3: 8:30

No, you kind of you have to go through some shit in order to get it together. Yeah, you do. You have to allow yourself those feelings and I think we're in this, like I think it's finally starting to come out. But there was such a long time where it was like don't feel, just keep pushing, don't allow yourself and I'm you know of the tail end of Gen X where it was like you had to just be perfect and show up and do these things and not allow yourself to feel we grew up in that what happens in this house stays in this house era.

Speaker 2: 8:57

You know, there's no talking things. It's all talking about things. It's all talking about home and what's going on, and I think that's what a lot of trauma starts. You said something that was really cool cool in a negative way, because I have conversations with my mom a lot. My mom is like my best friend, so I'm always going to talk about her, but I always tell her I say one of the worst things I think I ever saw about her was how much she sacrificed. She sacrificed for my father. She sacrificed raising us. You know she always put herself on the back burner, but what it did is that it taught me to sacrifice.

Speaker 2: 9:35

So now I'm putting myself on the back burner and I'm putting everybody else first, and now I'm realizing that 40 years or 44 years, whatever that, um, 40 years or 44 years, whatever that, um, that, uh, this isn't healthy. Like you can't continue to sacrifice. You know it's like what are what is it worth? Like what are you worth? You know you're worth more than just continuing to sacrifice and give your all to everybody. So and that's kind of like what I heard. You know what you were saying. Basically, you know that's kind of like what I heard. You know what you were saying. Basically you know it was kind of like you didn't want your daughters to see you know that those things in you and to grow in that. So it's pretty cool. Maybe that's why I need to have kids, so I can see the things I need to change. But then I'll change diapers, so then we're just going to leave it there, take, leave it there. You take them out like four.

Speaker 2: 10:37

So I wanted to foster kids, right. So, because I have this big issue with people in this world not knowing love, right, that's the issue for me. I'm like it's so horrible that people feel like they can just be tossed aside and wasted and those kind of things, right. But then I've been watching the show the Fosters. I don't know if you guys ever seen the show the Fosters. No, it was like on ABC or Freeform or one of those things. It's off the air now but really nothing on TV. So I kind of been binge watching it and it's the Fosters and they foster kids and I'm like you know what, I'm like you know what. I'm hanging that shit up, the shit they go through. I'm good I ain't fostering no kids Like it was a good idea. I don't have that much energy in me. I commend parents because I feel like, as a parent, you have to have the ability to love beyond you know you have to love beyond insecurities, love beyond pain, love beyond hurt and it's like, wow, I don't have that capability.

Speaker 3: 11:31

You do you do? And yeah, it's. It will push you to limits that you did not know that you had. But you, you find those places of where you can push. But what I am learning, because this is all a journey, right, like I coach people, but every day I am learning something new.

Speaker 3: 11:51

And, like you said, kids are mirrors. They show me every flaw I have in myself, like I'm like, oh, I don't like that, I don't like that. Like I am learning to share my feelings with them, share my emotions and let them know that emotions are safe and that they can deal with them and that they are free to have them. And so I feel like it's only two little people, but I get to help change the way the world views emotions and feelings and how we cope with them, because they have emotions.

Speaker 3: 12:23

And my youngest, and how we cope with them, because they have emotions. And my youngest she's an empath and she feels everything and it's so hard to like, witness it and help her through it. But because of my journey with anxiety, I've learned breathing techniques, I've learned meditation, I've learned journaling, all these things. So now I get to take everything I learned and I can give her the tools and I'm not just like hey, watch mommy drink another beer, like she now has tools to start doing that. And so, at 10 years old, she journals, she does her gratitude, she knows how to breathe, she knows how to meditate, she can do these things, and so she's learning how to take care of herself and it's like, oh, this would have been useful for me growing up, right right, right.

Speaker 2: 13:09

I think that's a good thing now about like this era with social media and internet, even though I guess we're about to lose TikTok. But I'm like, I'm glad I didn't waste my time getting my blue check, but no, it's like there's so many. You know, one thing about these new, these new school kids, is that they're you know, they're. I follow two young guys and I'm not really a religious person, but they always quoting from the bible and they kind of give a message and it's like, wow, like they're young, and they're like getting something out of it and turning it into something positive and it's like positive, because sometimes you lose faith in humanity. I do, every day. I see something and I'm like You're not sure.

Speaker 4: 13:54

I think it's just the way that everything comes out Something happens, you think something's good happening, and then something bad happens. Then you're second in guessing it, basically.

Speaker 2: 14:06

But to me, though, I just think this world is just crazy, like the stuff that people do, the things you have to worry about. I recently actually witnessed a black father having a conversation with his kids about police officers, you know, and and about, like you know, there's going to be a time where, together, we're going to get pulled over. You're going to see me put my hand on the dashboard. I need you to do the same thing. But to witness that conversation was like wow, like you never think about it being that deep, you know, and it's like it's crazy that we live in a world where these are the conversations that parents have to have with their kids.

Speaker 3: 14:48

It's scary having to talk to my youngest who they do a lot of lockdown drills, the bad guy drills or those sorts of things. And for an empath who feels everything, they actually did a lockdown the other day at school just because there was police activity in the area and she came out of school and she was sort of okay looking. I'm like hey, honey, how are you? And I knew what had happened, but she was holding it all together. But the second she got to me she just broke down, because that her experience is if they lock the school down, then that means right, this. And so they locked it down just like it was like a minor lockdown, it was like a full on lockdown. But the kids took that as we've been practicing for this, and so I can't even begin to imagine the fear and terror that was going through all of these elementary school kids and to feel that like like we didn't have that. It was like stop, stop, drop and roll.

Speaker 2: 15:47

That's what I remember, right, right, like uh just say no, just say no but you know what I think about that.

Speaker 2: 15:55

So I think about like these kids went through like 9-11. You know it's like they grew up in school where every year now they're doing a 9-11 memorial and they got to watch these videos of people jumping out the window and you know, trying to escape and like, and then downhill from there. You know war, and then look at everything going on in the world. Now I really don't follow things. I'm one of those people that they say ignorance is bliss and that's why clowns are happy. So I'm gonna keep my ass ignorant because if I sit there, I'm probably a lot like your daughter. I feel everything and it's like if I sit there and like, watch this stuff, it's bad enough. Like I scroll through Instagram and you see like these kids covered in blood and I'm like this is innocence. What is wrong with us?

Speaker 3: 16:43

Yeah, I don't watch the news. It doesn't do me any good for my mental health, so I try and stay out of it. I get the information when I need it, but until then I just stay back because I cannot handle that much negativity in my life. I know what I can and can't handle.

Speaker 2: 17:05

Now are your daughters? Are they in the same school?

Speaker 3: 17:08

They are in two different schools. One's a middle schooler and then one's elementary school.

Speaker 2: 17:12

That probably had to be hard too, like worrying about your sister if she was in the same school. I was thinking about that like, oh my God, yeah.

Speaker 4: 17:21

They probably locked down. Are they close together?

Speaker 3: 17:27

No, they probably locked down. Or are they close together? No, both of them right. No, but they're. They're like a mile apart. So it was just in our neighborhood. There was some sort of police activity that shut the school down and I just can't fathom what that would feel like to a kid. So we came home and we had to like kind of work through some things. But once again I was so happy I I was available for that, because old me would not have been available for that, because it was on a beer, so aware of my feelings and other people's feelings and what like.

Speaker 3: 18:05

How can we respect that and work through it and allow them to be and rather than suppressing them because that was my MO was just push it down? Yeah.

Speaker 2: 18:16

That's pretty amazing that you teach your kids how you know the talk and to kind of work and work it through, like you said, meditation and breathing and I'm a little jealous that she can do it at 10 years old. And I still can't meditate and I'd be trying so hard. But then I'd be meditating about how I'm gonna design my meditation room and then I realized I ain't doing it right thinking about how do you meditate I?

Speaker 4: 18:42

know like like okay, am I meditating Right.

Speaker 3: 18:47

Listen, I've been meditating now for four and a half years and I don't think I do it right, but I'm doing it and I live for guided meditations for someone to walk me through it, so that my brain can keep track of someone else's voice and then telling me what to do. Otherwise, I'm like I don't know, a squirrel just over there, chasing all the different things and I, you know, I'm like, oh, what do I need to put on the grocery list, or what do I have to like all the things.

Speaker 2: 19:20

One thing I guess is really cool about this conversation what we're like what 10 minutes in maybe, or maybe 20 minutes in is just to see how human you are, you know.

Speaker 2: 19:27

So it's like if nothing else is coming across, it's like Starland is human as hell, ok, and I think that's pretty amazing because a lot of people don't want to show that side of themselves or to admit like, hey, I'm doing this and yeah, I coach, but'm still learning every day, because I think the biggest message we can give people in mental health is that it's a journey, like you said, and sometimes I mean, I feel like it's everlasting, like you're always going to be on some kind of journey. There's always going to be something that's going to irritate or upset you in a mental health capacity. You know it's always going to be those traumas and those triggers, and you know I always tell people I think that's the reason why I'm single I have so much trauma and so many triggers that like I don't even want to let people in my circle because I don't want you to trigger me, you know.

Speaker 4: 20:15

So focusing on being triggered.

Speaker 2: 20:18

Right. So, and I'm still in my healing journey, so it's like I'll get there. I know I'll get there. I came such a long way. I mean, if you would have met me two years ago, you don't be like oh he is an asshole and I was, you know. And now it's like everybody loves me and it's like I didn't even do nothing to get love.

Speaker 3: 20:41

You know, you're just existing and being open and honest, and I think that the humanness is the key component. Like I would just never vulnerable. I didn't allow myself to share anything or show weakness. Now, part of my journey and like how I show up on like Instagram and in life is I am so open with everything that's going on and vulnerable because I want everyone else to know that you don't have to be perfect, like. That's a big sign of like high, that you don't have to be perfect. That's a big sign of high-functioning anxiety. Is that need to be perfect because you're just trying to stay safe? If I'm perfect, I'll be loved. If I'm perfect, then I won't fail. Everyone will accept me and that's how I lived. And now I'm like screw it, let's take all that away. Be vulnerable, open and allow everyone to feel that and that is like I don't know. I think that's where the beauty comes in, is where people can feel safe to just be exactly who they are.

Speaker 2: 21:34

Right. And to me I always say, you know, to me I kind of change it and I say, you know, we kind of need to look at perfection differently because you know, for me to say I'm perfect it's like who the hell are you compare yourself to?

Speaker 3: 21:45

if it's just you, you know you're perfectly you, right you're, you're perfectly you. We're all trying to fit into this mold that we think we need to be, which is total bs. There's. There's no mold right.

Speaker 4: 21:58

I think that's a lot to do with, like, social media. Everybody's always trying to be that mom or that dad or just that person where you know. I seen a video about this girl. She was cleaning her house and she wanted to show that it's okay to have a dirty house once in a while. And she pulled her couch out and like behind it was so dirty and she's like but I'm living my best life. Basically, my house may be dirty, but that just shows you I'm living.

Speaker 3: 22:34

Amen to that Because, yeah, living like who? At the end of the day, none of us gets out alive Like, so, what are you going to take with you? And I have. I have gone to this place of where, like, what am I going to be like when I'm 80, 90, a hundred years old? My grandma lived to be 103. So I'm shooting for 110. So I got a long road ahead of me.

Speaker 2: 22:54

I'm shooting for 120. That's what the Bible says so.

Speaker 4: 22:59

And I'm doing 60.

Speaker 2: 23:02

Come on, girls, we're going to be more than 60.

Speaker 3: 23:06

But yeah, how are you going to live your life? Do you want to look back and be like I had a perfectly clean house and my kids were always dressed perfectly and all these things? Forget that. I want to go out and have adventures and get messy, Right?

Speaker 2: 23:21

See, I'm at that point where I'll go out and I have adventures and I'll get messy. But I See I'm at that point where, like, I'll go out and I have adventures and I'll get messy, but I'll do it by myself. So I'm trying to learn how to open myself up to allow other people to come in to kind of have those experiences with me. But I'm still living my best life right now. You know, it's just, it's really hard, like I said, when I just think this world is like crazy. So now the world is definitely crazy world.

Speaker 2: 23:47

I mean, it's like another, just another crazy story. So I was going to this barbershop I have issues with barbers anyway. So I was going to the barbershop and I guess someone decided they didn't like me and started sending me messages that if I continue to go to this barbershop they were going to kill me, right? And it was like I mean, keep your faggot ass away from this barbershop and don't get this barber to cut you. And I'm like what? And I text him. You know I send it to the barber and I'm like bro, you got a stalker.

Speaker 2: 24:19

Like this is more of a you issue than a me issue. Like this is more of a you issue than a me issue. But it's like a simple task of getting my haircut turned now into like I'm in freaking Iran somewhere and I got to worry about a bomb dropping on my head. You know not the same thing, but I'm overdramatic. So that's how I see it. You know it's like do I have to worry about this? Like, do I take this lightly? Do I not take it? You know, serious. You know it's like you just never know with people. It's like do I need to find a new barber now? You know, I went a month without getting a haircut, just because it was. I didn't know what to do.

Speaker 3: 24:57

It's like this is that's crazy. Yeah, that that's crazy. You, we, we live in a place that you should be able to get a haircut. A haircut, that's what I'm saying.

Speaker 2: 25:08

And then I was like I scheduled my appointment. I was on time for my appointment, which means I didn't take nobody's spot, so I don't even understand why you threatened me.

Speaker 3: 25:17

Yeah, that person's got issues. I mean that's a them problem, for sure, definitely.

Speaker 4: 25:21

Come and watch these fucking feelings.

Speaker 2: 25:25

You need to get out some of those fucking feelings and, and I mean you can drive me all day long. I'm kind of cool with it. I mean, I'm one of those people where, of course, my phone number is posted online just because of the podcast, right, and I have had people who have been in. I'm like you, I'm not a professional, I'm an advocate. You know, I feel like I learned in dealing with my mental health that you can have moments of peace in this lifetime, and what I had, my first moment of peace and I'm like this shit is amazing. So I want everybody to feel it. That's why I do this, right, you know. But you know, if you reach out and you need someone to talk to, I'm going to talk to you. He is going to talk. Yeah, I'm going to talk to you. He is going to talk.

Speaker 3: 26:09

Yeah, I'm going to talk. Look, I tell people, if you reach out, you better make sure you're ready to talk. Okay, but people need that right. Like sometimes it's daunting to go to a professional, but if there's you know what I mean Like there's that label, there's that feeling. So if you have someone to talk to that's just been there, they been through the shit, like they have been in it, sometimes you just need that to like a professional maybe has helped other people through it, but they maybe haven't been in it they haven't felt what sort of you feel yeah, yeah everybody's.

Speaker 2: 26:39

I'm not against professionals. I had the greatest therapist ever Right and the one I was with her for two years. We spent two years together and the one thing that she taught me was to talk. You know, she got me talking to the point where I don't shut up, cause I know starting I was like this interview is about me and if I learn one more thing about you, I'm happy.

Speaker 3: 26:59

I love a real conversation. Real conversation, I'm all for it.

Speaker 2: 27:04

Alright cool. But one thing she did teach me was talk. And then it came to a point where she was like we can't see each other no more. And I'm like, oh, devastated, how are you breaking up with me? And I paid you my co-pays. You know what I'm saying. I give you money. Are you still breaking up with me? But she said go talk to people you love, go share your. You know it's not. I'm like you help me, but you can't help me no more. And I feel like I can't help you no more, but the world can. And that's what you need to do is go out there and talk to the world. And that kind of was kind of the motivation behind this podcast. It's like OK, world, here I am, I'm talking.

Speaker 3: 27:46

That's amazing. I love that story.

Speaker 2: 27:50

You know it's professionals aren't for everybody, but they can be useful. One thing about mental health is that there are a million methods. There are a million different things that people need to work on. My trauma is not your trauma. My issue is not your issue. Search and find what works for you.

Speaker 4: 28:10

Right.

Speaker 2: 28:11

And for the mamas out there if you overwhelm, then Starlin is for you, Right. So, now let's talk about what made you decide to get into coaching.

Speaker 3: 28:21

Yeah, so because of my journey and my desire to help people, like I'd already gone to school for food science and human nutrition and I wanted to help people be healthier, like I see so many children growing up in households with unhealthy parents, and I was like I want to help the next generation be healthier and live, and you know that. So that was sort of where it started. But then I realized I don't want to tell people what to eat and I don't think food is the only way to obtain health. And through my journey I realized all of these other components. Like I exercised every morning even though I would drink and maybe be hung over the next day, and have spent half the night awake with anxiety and guilt and shame and telling myself what a piece of shit I was because I drank again. And now you know I have to get up and deal with kids and I'm probably going to be angry and have no patience, and you know it was. That was the cycle right Every day.

Speaker 2: 29:24

But I would get up. That answers the question, though, that people have, like when do I know it's wrong? When you go through everything you listed, when you start going through that guilt and that shame and that questioning and that anxiety and that feeling bad about it, it may not be the right thing for you to be doing.

Speaker 3: 29:41

Yeah, and yeah it is a cycle where you just keep in it, right, it's like, okay, it numbs those feelings of the guilt and the shame and all that for a short period and then all of a sudden you wake up and you're like and it's back. But I would get up every day and work out because I was like I'm healthy and I can prove that I don't have a problem if I can get up and work out every day and I wanted to have a certain body type. And so it was this bath backwards way of showing the world that I was healthy and I wasn't reaching my fitness goals because I was drinking and doing all these other things. But as soon as I quit drinking and I reframed my exercise to be movement, that actually improved my mental health. I moved because it helped move anxiety through my body. I moved because it, you know, kind of quieted the voices in my head and I started moving. For that reason, everything changed, like my body changed, how I felt changed, all of it changed, and so it was reframing why I was doing certain things and I was like I have to share this with people. I need to help help other you know, women to be able to reach the health goals that they want.

Speaker 3: 30:58

But do a combination of where you're looking at the mental health and the physical health, because they're intertwined. If you're coping with, you know your feelings and your emotions by binge eating or binging Netflix, doom scrolling, like all these things that are keeping you from like your fitness goals but you can't get out of it because you're like I don't want to feel those feelings, so I'm going to keep suppressing them through these. You're never going to get healthy over here physically because you're stuck in this like emotional trap. So now I take them and I combine them. I'm like let's work on the mindset, let's work on that inner I call it the inner bitch who likes to tell you all the things in your head about how you're not good enough.

Speaker 3: 31:43

Right, right, right, we've all got one of those. So we work on that Like is she telling you the truth? Probably not. Let's, let's, let's, let's. Quiet her down. So, working on the mindset side of things and then integrating the physical stuff, getting you to get better sleep how can we start working on that so that you're maybe not in a fight or flight response next day because you didn't get enough sleep and you start the day off on the wrong foot.

Speaker 2: 32:10

Get enough sleep and you start the day off on the wrong foot you know, right, so and I, but, and then, even with that said, though, is that people need to understand that it's okay to have bad days.

Speaker 3: 32:17

You know, it's like give yourself some damn grace. That was like every day I would because I had to be perfect, but every day when I was really going through the thick of it and trying to make these changes, I'd be like it's okay to be human, give yourself some grace, give yourself some grace. And every time that I would start to feel things I would just say give yourself some grace. And I just sort of made that be like the mantra in the back of my head, where I don't say it to myself very often. But I realized yesterday that I have not felt guilt or shame or had any of those negative feelings towards myself in so long that I can't remember the last time I felt it, whereas before it was every single day. I felt that that's pretty dope and I'm like wait a minute, when's the last time I felt mom guilt? Because that's legit stuff, like where you feel just so guilty about not showing up for your kids, and I'm like I don't know the last time I had that feeling Years, probably Unbelievable.

Speaker 2: 33:19

Yeah, that's kind of what I'm working on now. I have a lot of guilt about being okay when there's so many people in the world that are not okay, and that's just my biggest guilt, because it's like I have a pretty In my circle. It's like everybody's just so miserable and I don't want to deal with it. So it's like I'm a bad friend because I don't want to talk to you and hear the same story you've been telling me for three months when I done, told your ass, change it. Yeah, make a change, change it. But here we are having the same conversation and now, if I told you out, don't be mad at me, because I told you you get three times to talk to me about the same thing. Right, three times, not three months, just three. Fine, but really that's like my. My biggest thing is like I'm trying so hard because I know I shouldn't feel guilty about it. I know that I'm doing the work. You know it's like I take in. You know these episodes.

Speaker 2: 34:21

We always tell people I started a podcast for free therapy. You know I get to invite all these people up here and they tell me all the things that work for them and now I get to use it. You know me and crystal be looking at each other and it's like touch your head, touch your shoulders. Like girl, take your shoes off, get grounded. You know like this. You know why do you feel this way. You know what's making you feel this way. You know it's kind of like you said let's shut that bitch up. You know what I'm saying. The bitch is necessary sometimes, but you supposed to be with each other and for each other. You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 2: 34:57

So it's like to be your best friend, right your bitch is supposed to be your best friend, you supposed to be on one accord and it's just. I keep you there, just in case I need to go off on somebody else. Right, but not myself, you know. But what would you say would be like in a situation where someone would benefit from your services? Is there like a certain stage in their healing process, or is it just knowing like, hey, I need to try something new?

Speaker 3: 35:23

I feel like it's someone who's early on in their healing process where they don't know maybe where to start, where they haven't even fully like it might be someone who is focused more on physical health and they haven't really realized that maybe they have an issue with anxiety or stress causing them the problems with reaching their goals right, they might be overwhelmed in their life and they don't see the correlation between the two. So maybe after this conversation they'll be like, oh oh, maybe maybe one is causing the other issues. So people are early on in that journey where I can help them sort of crack some things wide open so they can see that there is a possibility to kind of heal and learn more about themselves. And I have this belief that you know, anxiety is a part of the human condition. I don't think that we can ever be anxiety free. I don't think that there's a necessity for that. It's there to keep us safe. I mean, it's part of who we are. But I think you can have freedom from anxiety where it doesn't need to control you, that you can have the tools that you need in order to work with it.

Speaker 3: 36:39

I like to use anxiety almost as like a guidepost when I start to feel anxious. I can take a pause and be like why? Why am I feeling that? What's causing that? And before I was not in tune with myself, so I, what's causing that? And before I was not in tune with myself, so I, life's just too much, I don't know. I'm anxious. Now I have tuned in enough to where you know, before the show I was feeling anxious, so I'm, I'm shaking, you know, and I stopped and I did a meditation and some breathing and I had all the tools, but I knew what was causing it, right? So, if we can like, stop and tune in and figure out, why am I feeling anxious?

Speaker 3: 37:15

And maybe, as a mom, it could be because you are giving yourself to everyone and ignoring your needs. You know, I hate that. I can't say hey, like you said, strong word, the term self-care did not resonate with me because it sounded selfish. And I did not resonate with me, Right? Because it sounded selfish and I did not want to put all that focus on me. I'm a mom, I need to take care of my kids and self-care seemed I don't know, bougie, and like you got to go to the spa and all these things. So it's more for me, it's like personal wellness, right? What do I need to do to take care of me? That's going to make me better for everyone else. And how can I look at it that way? And for me, personal wellness is going hiking. That's my form of self-care. Get up in the mountains, get away from people, be by myself.

Speaker 2: 38:03

Thanks or animals, I'm a pass.

Speaker 3: 38:08

I'm all for it, I love it. That is my personal wellness. I'm all for it, I love it.

Speaker 4: 38:13

That is my personal wealth. I went up, but to come down, me and the kids had went to Mount Marcy. Do you know where that is? It's in the Adirondacks and it's like a really big hike and it took us six hours to walk up this mountain. And remind you, my daughter was four years old and she was good, but we didn't make it to the top because it was six hours and my mind started playing tricks as you're walking down, it's going to take six hours to walk down, and then I'm thinking of bears and snakes. So we turned back around. My son finished the hike, but it did. It took us six hours to walk back down. That was, I don't think I love the.

Speaker 3: 39:06

I love the downhill. Give me the downhill all day. I love it Hell.

Speaker 4: 39:11

Rivers.

Speaker 2: 39:16

Nothing we had. Uh, I had friends always invite me to camping and those kind of things and I'm like, uh, what's the closest hotel? I'll come. Yeah, like I'll sit around the campfire and eat a marshmallow or two. You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 4: 39:28

As soon as the mosquitoes come out, I'm out.

Speaker 2: 39:31

What If I see anything? I'll like? You know what I'm saying. As soon as the mosquitoes come out, I'm out. What If I see anything I don't like? You know what I'm saying. It could be a ladybug. I'm deuces. Okay, I don't know where she been, but see, that's your like.

Speaker 3: 39:43

Personal wellness, right Like it's your personal flavor. You know we all have our own flavor of anxiety.

Speaker 2: 39:54

You have your own flavor of how you deal with it, right? You know it's crazy to be scared of like a little ass bug. It is like ridiculous. I'm like look how big I am and you know what. Think about those. I think some bugs are just cute, like. Some bugs are cute as shit, right, but can you be cute on tv? Like I don't want to see you in person so.

Speaker 3: 40:10

So I take it you don't live in the country I kind of do.

Speaker 2: 40:14

That's the bad thing. Like I come outside in the morning to like deer and rabbits and I'm like that's not my alarm we went for a walk.

Speaker 4: 40:26

We started walking um during our lunchtime on uh break, and this one time we were walking and there was a deer.

Speaker 2: 40:34

We got to. We're going to tell the story. Before the deer there was some chipmunks right, so we got to tell the story. They was cute as shit. I never saw chipmunks in real life. Chipmunks, little babies, cool. But now they want to play, they want to run all close and shit. I don't know about no checkmunks, I don't know if you bite and you got rabies. It ain't cool. But cool. We start walking. Now they stop to wait for somebody. One of our co-workers is standing next to the deer. She don't even see the deer. She's standing next to the deer. I'm like deer, deer, deer. So turn around, for the person that we're waiting on is standing next to a snake.

Speaker 3: 41:14

I was like walk is over, I'm going back to work, okay it's like a real life cinderella or snow white story with all the animals last time we've been walking.

Speaker 2: 41:27

Yeah, we've been walking since then. Yeah, no, but not going, I'm cool. I don't even walk to the back of our building anymore. I drive, okay, I go around the parking lot in my car. I drive to the back. When I gotta go to the back there, yeah, no, it don't make no sense. But they're so cute, right, they're so cute, it's cute.

Speaker 4: 41:46

They're like nature, like you know baby's cute on tv.

Speaker 2: 41:50

On tv you know they're cute you know I could play with a baby. I'll even babysit. I will babysit. You hear me? I'm a good babysitter, but I'm gonna give them everything they want. I'm just gonna let you know. I don't care what your rules are. If you ask me to babysit, I'm gonna break all of them telling me don't give them sugar. You might as well just go ahead and tell me to do what I'm gonna do, and then I probably won't do the things that you don't want me to do. Because if you give me a list, don't give them sugar. What? No, kids like sugar.

Speaker 4: 42:18

Sugar. I'm here to make them happy.

Speaker 3: 42:22

You know what, if I ask me to babysit for me, I kind of expect it.

Speaker 2: 42:26

Yeah, I'm like I can't put hard and fast rules, like as long as you keep them alive, that's all I'm looking for. They're going to be alive, they're going to be fed and they're going to be safe. Okay.

Speaker 3: 42:38

Perfect. I can guarantee all those things.

Speaker 2: 42:40

But what I'm going? My inner kid is going to come out and I'm going to have chocolate all over my face. When you get back, you know what I mean. I'm going to be looking, looking like the guilty one that's stealing the cookies. Stop babysitting. Now what would you say to somebody? We actually, so I know a lot of people who don't. Well, you know, it's funny. Like I said, we grew up I actually grew up and people used to tell me that mental health was a white people thing.

Speaker 2: 43:08

You know what I'm saying. Like black folks don't have mental health issues. You know black people don't have mental health issues. You know black people don't go to therapy. I grew up in a community that was kind of like just black and white. We're puerto rican, so we fit where we fit. You know I'm saying, but I just remember growing up hearing things about that. You know, like, you know a therapist. There were so many stigmas about going to therapy or seeing a psychiatrist, or oh, they get a check, oh check. Oh, he on pills, he crazy. So now here it is, people from like our generation, kind of you said, that has these stigmas. They know something's wrong, they think they might be help, but either they don't believe it's possible, they're ashamed of going to get the help, or they feel like they're not worthy. What do you say to those people?

Speaker 3: 43:54

Yeah, first of all, you're worthy. That's half the problem, right. There is, I think people don't think they're worthy, or that they don't have what it takes to change, or they're too. You know, either they, other people have it worse, right? I would tell myself that all the time oh, I've got it pretty good. Other people have it worse than me, and so why should I take, why do I need to make that move and do that like I don't have anything to complain about? I just need to fix it, I just need to do better.

Speaker 2: 44:28

You know, right that's always been one of my pet peeves too. I hate when people say that once again, it's not supposed to use hate, but it's like that. We actually did a whole episode on it. You know it's like that there's someone out there that has it worse. It's like don't minimize my moment, you know. Don't minimize your moment. You know it's like it's okay for you to feel hurt. It's okay for you to have pain. It's okay for you to feel sorry for yourself for a moment. You know we're talking about moments now like it. Now like it's OK to have these moments and to be a little selfish and to stand in that moment. And it could be your party Cry if you want to, but it's like.

Speaker 2: 45:13

I think that's where, like you know, it's like it's always my mom always says it to you know, someone out there has it worse and I'm like if the worst pain Crystal ever felt was a paper cut, the worst pain Crystal ever felt was a paper cut, that pain is equal to what I feel with my cancer, because it's her worse. How can I say it's not equal? It's her worse, it's the worst thing she ever get. That you know. So it's like let's stop comparing. Like you can have your issues and still be compassionate to those issues, to other people, without the comparison Right? It's like, yeah, you know, compassion is the word we need, comparison is the word we need to throw away.

Speaker 3: 45:47

Yeah, 100%. And I think what people need to realize is that is life hard? Yes? Are we supposed to struggle our way through life? I don't believe so. I don't believe that we were put here to struggle and feel pain all the time. Is pain part of the experience? Yes, but it also allows you to see the beauty. Right, when I was drinking, I was numbing that pain, which meant I numbed the beauty. Now I feel everything and it's so damn hard, but I get to feel all the good too, right, right.

Speaker 3: 46:18

So if people are struggling with where they're at, do you want to continue to struggle and have it get worse? And also, who's watching you? If you're a parent, are your kids watching this? Because they are going to follow in your footsteps. They are sponges. So if you want to change the trajectory of their life, you have to change where your life is going. So look at what impact you want to have. Do you want to keep? Do you want to have your story be like the story of struggle? Cause I don't. I want to have this story of it was highs and lows and it was crazy, but I got out and it you know it was beautiful and I want my kids. To see that and be able to get through life and not have it be every day was so damn hard.

Speaker 2: 46:59

Right and to know that you're human in the middle of all of this. Yes, all of this, you're human. It's like you have that victim mentality or you can have that victor mentality. You know what I'm saying 100%.

Speaker 3: 47:12

And the idea that I think people have this. We've been, you know. I think that medication is good for some people. Yeah, I agree, have this, we've been, you know, I think that medication is good for some people.

Speaker 3: 47:20

Yeah, I agree but the idea that it's like pop that xanax to make it go away. You're just numbing out that feeling. You're not getting to the root cause of what's causing that in the first place. If you can figure out where that's coming from and make a change, you won't need to numb out. So, rather than trying to take away the feelings, allow yourself to feel some of them and figure out the ways that you can allow that to exist in your life and use it as a tool, like I use my anxiety as a tool and if you can learn to use that to carve your own path. And when I coach people, you know we create these lifestyles and it's not cookie cutter, because I like to lift weights but somebody else might like to go for a run and I'm not going to tell them Workout.

Speaker 2: 48:08

In six years you talking about, you was going every day. I'm like damn, I need to go to a gym.

Speaker 3: 48:14

Like for you know, like my favorite, my go-to movement is walking. My favorite, my go-to movement is walking. I love walking. I walk probably five, six miles a day with my dog because it gets the feelings through my body, I get outside and I can experience things.

Speaker 2: 48:28

I used to like to walk too, you know what when do people find time to do this stuff?

Speaker 2: 48:32

Like you have two kids, okay, when do you find time to work out? I'd be like I'd be on Instagram scrolling and stuff For some out. I'd be like I'd be on Instagram scrolling and stuff and for some reason, I'm always getting Instagram pictures of half-naked men. I don't know why. It's not like I look at them or anything, but anyway. But they have, like these most incredible bodies and you're like bitch, do you eat? Like when do you have time?

Speaker 2: 48:57

That time that you're scrolling is the time you could be working out people people say that, right, people say that, but I might scroll for like 10 minutes a day. It really is my down time, my checkout moment. Right, because my days are legit. I mean, I work a day job. We record a podcast. We usually do one every day, um, and then I do all the back work behind the podcast and then I also raise my mama, right so, and my mama love her, but she is 72.

Speaker 2: 49:31

I'm going to tell her age and she's going to be mad at me, which means that she's set in her way. See, at least kids, you can like, mold them. She is molded already and when I tell you she is stubborn as hell. This woman is stubborn as hell. So it's like by the time I get home and I spend time with my mom, because I make sure she's home every day by herself, so I want to make sure that she still has some human interaction. When I get in bed, it's not for no TV show, it is to try to wind down, which takes me a long time. So I listen to music or I write a lot, but it's like I don't see a time, like, yeah, okay, I can work out for 10 minutes.

Speaker 3: 50:16

But is it really going to help? I think so, yeah.

Speaker 2: 50:18

You think so, absolutely yes. If you're a workout person, I think so. Yeah, you think so. We're going to edit all this.

Speaker 2: 50:22

We don't exercise but that's something that you choose for your mental health, so everybody has their own everybody has their own, yeah but also I mean and I joke a lot but I think taking care of your mental health and your physical health should kind of always equal and kind of be the same. And I say that as a person now living with cancer. You know it's like maybe there's things I could have done to change this. Maybe if I didn't eat Fruit Roll-Ups every night and sleep in a box, you know I wouldn't be here because you know I legit sleep in a box of Fruit Roll-Ups. It's OK, it's part of my healing process. Okay, fruit Roll-Ups, my man. We being in this relationship, we've been going on a year strong. Now I think they're going to pop the question any day that's strawberry, better like they got a pillow.

Speaker 2: 51:14

and I bought a family size box and it has a pillow. So you know, at night I say goodnight, goodnight, love you. And it finishes size box and it has a pillow.

Speaker 4: 51:21

So you know, at night I say goodnight, goodnight, love you, love you and he finishes the box and it's like they get in a fight and he throws it out. Right, Then I get a new one.

Speaker 2: 51:28

I'm like, oh, this one's better, cause it got designs on them. I don't know what it is about Froot Loops, they're Um, maybe you could send me a free box, kellogg, hey, kellogg. But but get it back on topic. Let's talk a little bit more about the services that you do offer. So what would a coaching session be like, or how is it a program and how long is the program? Okay, cool yeah.

Speaker 3: 51:55

I work with people for six months at a time because I don't think that you can make lasting changes to your life if you try and do it in a quick six-week challenge or something. You can have a few things that change or one thing that sticks, but it might not stick for very long. So over six months, it's every two weeks we're on a Zoom call and we work through a 50 minute session and you know kind of find out where you're at, where you want to go and work on setting goals that align with what it is that you actually want. And that's part of it is finding out what do you actually want? We think we know what we want till we dig really deep and we maybe thought we wanted something because we thought that's what we're supposed to want. So it's actually finding out what we truly want and why. Because that? Why is that you?

Speaker 2: 52:51

need to know why. Like everybody, wants to be a millionaire. But why, why? What are you going to do with this?

Speaker 3: 52:58

Exactly, and knowing that why can help drive you to stay consistent. So we work together on that, and then, in between that, I use Voxer you know the walkie talk app to help people, so I'm like a coach in their pocket throughout the week, because a lot of times people don't have support. They don't have somebody to help them be accountable, and so I want to be that support system while they learn how to build themselves up, to be at a place where they can maintain it. And we work on. You know anything from. You know where you're at with your nutrition, your sleep, setting boundaries. You know movement, helping you with your mindset, doing things like meditation, wise maybe, or gratitude journaling all these things that sound so basic and simple and are like buzzwords. But I, they work, they work, they work, and until you actually implement them, you will never see that.

Speaker 3: 53:51

But I help people like let's, let's work on finding ways that it works for you, because this is something that I want you. I don't want to tell people what to do. That's not my job. I don't want to tell people what to do right, that's not my job. I don't want to tell people what to do because I don't know what works for you, and I could tell you to eat broccoli and kale or whatever, but if you don't like it, you're probably not going to eat it. So let's find something you do like. Oh my gosh.

Speaker 2: 54:18

I don't. I wouldn't be an easy client, just to let you know we order lunch and it's literally a bun and like a bread, like in a piece of chicken, like no lettuce, no potatoes. I am look plain jane noodles plain nothing in it, oh my gosh order. Chinese like all right, like legit. Just lo mein noodles. I don't want no meat, I want no vegetables, I barely want soy sauce oh my gosh, I need all the flavors and all the vegetables.

Speaker 3: 54:49

But I don't tell people what to do. Right, like we find out what works for you and then, if, if you really want to make change, there are certain things that you open up to, you might have been like I'm not eating vegetables. But when we figure out why you want this change so bad and it becomes your idea almost, your brain is more likely to be like you know what? Maybe we will try that broccoli because this is why we want it and this is what we want. We want to live to be 120 years old and maybe we need some different nutrients in our diet, you know?

Speaker 2: 55:24

but you know, actually I take it back. They got green for roll-ups bam moving on up so now I I know you said accountability and you kind of you said that multiple times. Why is that so important?

Speaker 3: 55:39

Because if you're not held accountable, you're not going to stick to anything Right, and I think that I am a person that has a very strong will and I can hold myself accountable. If I say I'm going to do something, you better watch out. I will do it, even if it's a bad idea.

Speaker 4: 55:54

Right, right.

Speaker 3: 55:56

I will. You know I will do it if I said I'm going to do it. But not everyone has that and so I that's part of what I help people with is I act as that for them until they see that they can do it, cause a lot of people don't believe they can do something until they've done it for a while and they're like, oh, this isn't so hard, I got this. So they just having somebody there, that's kind of I've kind of got that like a big sister, like you know, tough love sort of thing going on. But also I'm gonna be there to hold you when you're having a bad day, maybe because I've been there, your muscles, to threaten me okay because she's like that good bitch right

Speaker 3: 56:37

good part, yeah, yeah, yeah, but you need that you need. Sometimes you need tough love, right, like people are you know, getting you know? Oh, you know, just just try a little hard. You know, like you guys, sometimes you gotta be like man. You are giving yourself excuses. What are you like why? Why are you giving yourself the same excuses?

Speaker 2: 56:53

I said I wanted to be held. I did not say I wanted to be held accountable. Okay, my bad, it's just hold me and we're going to be good. Now, of course, I'm going to list all of your contact information on this website I mean on this episode and on this website. But before we close out, I just wanted to make sure. Is there anything we did not give you an opportunity to tell our audience, because Crystal always talked too much.

Speaker 3: 57:22

I know, crystal, she just didn't shut up the whole time. No, I just want people to know that they can change, that their anxiety doesn't have to rule your life, and that you can have an effect on your physical health while you work on your mental health, and vice versa, that these two are intertwined and your kids are watching. So take care of you, and that's you're worthy.

Speaker 2: 57:50

The world is watching, okay, the world is watching.

Speaker 3: 57:53

It's like your podcast. You're going out there to change lives. This is what I want to do. I want to change lives. I want to change the trajectory of like the world. I want to. I want us to love ourselves I'm the same way.

Speaker 2: 58:05

I'm like, oh my god, we should all know what this piece is like. I know what piece is like peace, like laid my head down, mind clear, no worry. Like patient, I started to worry because I wasn't worrying. I was like hold up, now, something ain't right, what you mean. You ain't got no worries today, and when I felt that I was a lot like you, I'm like this people need to know you said it earlier too Like my creator did not create me to be unhappy, right, my creator did not create me to have miserable moments. I have to believe that. I have to believe that my like, even if there is a parallel paradise after this life, there could be one in this life too. You know, yeah, like you could and and it's gonna be moments, because it's never gonna always be completely 100 good, you're entitled to your bad days. It's okay to live through those bad days, you know, but live through them, move on from them.

Speaker 2: 59:06

I actually also wanted to say something else before we close out too much. I mean before we close out, but it is. If you go and you seek help and say you go to a psychiatrist or therapist and the first thing they decide to do is give you medicine, run. They are not the therapist for you. Okay, like no one should be giving you medicine on your first time meeting them. No one should be trying to prescribe things. You know your first time sitting down with them. They don't even know anything about you. It's just my belief and I'm saying that as an advocate as someone who was put on medicine and didn't need to be put on medicine, and I took medicine for six months before I realized like the therapist used everything I said and turned it around on me. You know it was. It was. This was before I met my good therapist, right, so this is the bad therapist story. But it was in the middle of COVID.

Speaker 2: 59:58

So it was like do you go out? No, you don't hang out with your friends, no, you know like I stay home. Oh well, you're depressed. You know you don't talk to a lot of people. You're depressed. You know you do this. So I'm going to give you this depression pill when I think you're anxious and you need this to help you sleep, because you're sleeping patterns, and off. And then I started to realize like this to help you sleep, because you're sleeping patterns, and often then I started to realize like we're in a pandemic so I'm not going out, okay, um, all of my friends all are. You know, I'm the weird one who was like single with no kids, but they all have families. So we don't talk every day, but we still talk. I still have my friends, we just don't talk every day. So that's not negative, you know.

Speaker 2: 1:00:42

So it was like everything that he he used to give me that medicine. Yeah, it was things I told him, but I feel like he flipped it on me and he turned it into like a negative thing and made me think that I needed this medicine and I'm like I don't need this shit, like I do not need, I'm nauseous now because of it, I'm fidgety now, I have insomnia that I didn't have before and I can't sleep and it has all these side effects. And he went off on one conversation. You know, when I met my new therapist, the first thing she did was like okay, we weaning you off all this shit because I don't think you need none of it. And I'm going to get to know you. And as she got to know me, she said you didn't need medication, you just needed to Somebody to listen. Right, you just needed to open up, you just needed to be yourself to know your worth. You know, and that was the biggest lesson.

Speaker 2: 1:01:36

So I just say, get Star starlin a call, let's go to her website, let's get us some business. You know what I'm saying. And then y'all look and then you can tell me about it. Right, you can email us and let us know how good she was. But no, really, I thank you so much for coming on. I thank you, number one, for showing people. I feel like you have been our most human guest and I don't want any other guest to be mad about that. But you showed a lot of humanity just in your hello, you know, it showed like, hey, I'm human.

Speaker 4: 1:02:13

I'm not being fake, right, I'm real.

Speaker 2: 1:02:16

Like, I believe what I say. I practice what I say. I practice what I say. I know it's not always good, I don't always have a great day, but I know how to get there. I know how to deal with these issues. I'm trying to raise my kids this way. You need to do the same thing, because you deserve happiness and I feel like that's a pretty incredible thing for you to offer this world. And I wanted to say thank you just for all the crap that you touch and I'm like oh my gosh mike is about to make me cry sorry, sorry.

Speaker 2: 1:02:50

Okay, okay, because, um, fruit roll-ups, think of fruit roll-ups. Okay, that's gonna be the code word. Okay, fruit roll-ups, but no, it was pretty amazing to see how human you are and and I think that's just be the code word okay, fruit bolos, but no, it was pretty amazing to see how human you are and and I think that's just a big takeaway from this episode like we're human, you know, and that's it. We're human. Give yourself grace, know that you're worthy, seek the help, get it together like, let's live peacefully. We should be all living like we're stoned in the 70s and everything's red and cool, but without the marijuana. You know what I'm saying. We thank you so much for coming on. Thank you so much for dealing with us for this past hour. I'm pretty sure our audience is going to love you. I think that you're incredible. Maybe we can get you back on at a later date and have some more conversation.

Speaker 3: 1:03:49

Yes, yes, thank you guys. This was wonderful, yeah, and.

Speaker 2: 1:03:53

I'm going to send you a pillow, but you got to send me your address and if you don't cause you gotta send the address if you don't send the address.

Speaker 3: 1:04:02

I'm gonna forget to send you the pillow. I need a place to put my fruit roll ups right and they are good on this pillow.

Speaker 2: 1:04:10

Thank you so much, starla, for being on. You guys, make sure you check her out. And thank you guys for watching. Remember let's keep trying to be better than we were yesterday. Until next week. Peace, love and blessings.

Speaker 4: 1:04:26

Bye.