The Seasons That Shape Us (Part 1): When Everything Changed

Hey y’all! 💕 Welcome back to another episode!!

We are so excited because for the entire month of April, we are diving into a 3-part series called “The Seasons That Shape Us.” ✨

This is Part 1, and we’re talking all about the season that changed us.

You know that moment… when something shifts. When life doesn’t feel the same anymore. When you start realizing that where you are can’t be where you stay.

In this episode, we’re getting real about:

• The season where everything started to change
• The internal shift we felt before anything around us did
• Recognizing that a change needed to happen

If you’ve ever been in a season where you felt that nudge like “something has to change”… this one is for you.❤️‍🔥

Tune in! 🤍

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

I'm Deja Monet. And I'm Athena J.

SPEAKER_00 0:03

We are a mom and daughter duo who's been through trying and challenging preteen and teen years, identity issues, fear, guilt, shame, not knowing who we are or whose we are, but God, we now have a godly, strong, healthy mother and daughter relationship. So this is the Inside Scoop with mom and me. Hey y'all, welcome back. We are so excited to be back. Yes, we are live, y'all. We are on camera. Yes, y'all. We are so excited. So y'all go check us out on YouTube. This video will be on YouTube. Yeah, we want to start.

SPEAKER_01 0:47

We are starting with a series, y'all. This series is about to be a three-parter. Yes. It is the series called The Seasons That Have Shaped Us.

SPEAKER_00 0:58

Yes, y'all. But we are so excited about this series. So we're just gonna go be gonna be talking about, you know, where we started, where the shift happened, um, also the pivotal moment, and then kind of like where we are today. So, like mom said, it's a three-part series.

SPEAKER_01 1:12

Yeah, but you know how we do, y'all. Before we get started, we want to start with gratitude. Yes, y'all. You know, I am so grateful for the opportunity to come to you guys live today. I'm grateful for just waking up and being in my right mind. I am so grateful for all God is doing and what he's about to do and how he continues to overflow us with his favor.

SPEAKER_00 1:35

Yes, y'all. And honestly, I'm grateful for the same exact thing. So but I'm just grateful for another day and just to be up in my right mind, and I'm excited to see what the Lord is about to do.

SPEAKER_01 1:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:46

So let's go ahead and get started.

SPEAKER_01 1:48

This episode and this, you know, we start off like you have to start somewhere. Where was that wake-up moment? Yes, right? When you go through seasons, right, it is a moment that that is aha moment that you kind of realize that you don't want to be that same person or something in you just changed. Yeah. You know, um, and you know, we kind of was doing a reflection, kind of looking back to where we are today. Exactly. You know, from where we came from, and my God, what a story we have to share. Yes, Daes. Do you want to go ahead and kind of say, what was one of those moments that made you say, Oh, I want that change?

SPEAKER_00 2:33

Yeah, y'all. So for me, for example, I always kind of go back to like my college days and like my high school years because those were the most um transformative years for me. And just kind of figuring out who I was. Um, but for me, I dealt with like a lot of shame and um just for my past uh growing up, um, just dealt with a lot of shame and just condemnation. And I realized that I held on to a lot of my past. And I don't know, it's just yeah, I really held on to a lot of it.

SPEAKER_01 3:07

And um, you know, you said that you had a lot of condemnation, guilt, shame, you know, back from when you were growing up or when you went to college. I think that that is like when you looked at it, you were like, oh, I don't want that person. Or you know, how did that make you feel?

SPEAKER_00 3:27

Yeah, I think um, sorry, I lost my train of thought, but I think it kind of prevented me from moving forward. Um, it kind of held me in hostage, um, always trying to look back in the past or what I could have done differently, or rehearsing, like, oh my God, if I would have made this mistake, then I would have been here. Um, and I think uh, and then the shame of just like always hiding, always so much secrecy, and um yeah, and I knew noticed that I was also um a people pleaser. And that would get you all the time. I really realized that I was a people pleaser, and that, oh my gosh. I just remember just how I felt in college and high school. I would do things and I don't know, believe that I had to perform to just get somebody to like me or be my friend and um different things like that. So I noticed I had people pleased a lot. I had I had a lot of shame from people pleasing, as well as you know, just condemnation. Obviously, condemnation is from the enemy because the Lord only convicts us. Um condemnation makes you like, oh my god, I am a failure and this, that, and the third. So that's kind of all how I always felt. Um and I noticed that, you know, for me, I was partying a lot and going towards like that party lifestyle. But deep down I already knew that's really not who I was.

SPEAKER_01 4:44

Yeah. Yeah. But you know what? It is funny how we realize that something is no longer who we are, but we tried to kind of put a mask on and kind of deal with it in that manner. So you went to like partying, drinking, and you knew, and at the end of the day, you didn't even feel good at the end of the day.

SPEAKER_00 5:02

No, I didn't, but I also just wanted to fit in. You know what I mean? I wanted to fit in, I wanted to be like, because if I didn't do those things at the time, I felt like, oh my God, nobody would like me, or they would call me lame. They would call me boring. Yeah, you know what I mean? And I would just keep going down this vicious cycle of, yeah, like the partying lifestyle. Just, I don't know, it just felt like I was abusing my own self. Like, you know what I mean? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:27

But I think, you know, too, I did that too in college and you know, 20s, 30s, it don't even matter, right? But I think what happens is we want to, like you said, one thing be a people pleaser so you will be feeling accepted.

SPEAKER_00 5:42

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 5:43

And that people will invite you to things because who wants to bring a Debbie Downer or who wants to bring somebody who doesn't have a good time. Don't have a good time. Who wants to have that person at the party? Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 5:55

And I feel like I sacrificed a lot of myself, you know what I mean? And I feel like, um, yeah, just deep down, like I said, I just knew that just wasn't who I was. And like I mentioned before, like I always felt like I needed to perform for validation and um yeah, just to get that acceptance, just to get that love. And I'm just like, if uh looking back, I'm just like, Deja, like it's okay. Like, you know what I mean? It's okay to be different, it's okay to be set apart. It's okay that you don't want to do these things. It's okay to speak up. And that's another thing too, y'all. I realized I wasn't speaking up either.

SPEAKER_01 6:30

Now that's a big major part. And I'm still working on it. But you know, it's still a work in progress because you kind of feel like you draw back. Right. But if you speak up, then you don't know if you're saying the right thing. Exactly. Are people going to like you? Right. Or will they think that what you said is unquote unquote ugh, she that was stupid. Or yeah, you know, something like that. And you feel like, you know, because you know how in class back in the day, you didn't want to raise your hand because you didn't know what to do. Because you didn't want to get the answer wrong.

SPEAKER_00 6:58

And then, but see, I think that's the thing too. Like, I think sometimes we can be afraid, like, just to even take a chance because we don't want to fail and we don't want to be wrong either. And I noticed, like, I do that, like even in my professional life. So it's just like, oh, like, how can I get out of that? You know what I mean? Like I said, I'm still working on it now, but back then, oh my God, it was so bad. I didn't want I didn't want to rock the boat. I just wanted to go with the flow, keep things easy, keep these simple. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:27

So that was some of the seasons that you went through that said, okay, I need to change.

SPEAKER_00 7:33

Yeah, like I noticed that about me. And I noticed, yeah, like one of the fondest memories I just remember is just not fondest. It was not a fond memory. But one of the memories is just like always feeling empty, like wow, no matter what I did. And I feel like a lot of people say this, but you know how you're in a crowd with a whole bunch of people and you still feel alone.

SPEAKER_01 7:54

And so you were doing these things to feel accepted. Yeah, you were doing these things to people, please. You were doing this things, and you still felt empty.

SPEAKER_00 8:05

Still felt empty. So I'm like, okay, yeah, there has to be something. Like, I am missing it. Because obviously, of course, you know, I still have my relationship with God, but I wasn't actively pursuing a relationship with him. Um, yeah. So I'm like, okay, Lord. Like I kept praying about it. But you know, back then you just pray when you need something. That's yeah, you know, I didn't pray about it. Lord, I need you. And I say, you know, you see me, okay, that's it. And then you move on. And then I move on, and then went, wouldn't talk to him no more for a couple months. So um I noticed then, like, okay, yes, I'm feeling empty. Okay, there's there there's something missing. So that's when I was kind of like, okay, there's something need to change. Oh. I love that story. Yeah, what about you, Mom?

SPEAKER_01 8:54

Yeah. Well, you know, um, just like you just said, um, I dealt more with guilt and shame. Those were my ooh, one of the things that I dealt with. Yeah. Um something that I wanted to change or needed to change because I didn't like the way it made me feel. Exactly. You know, guilt or shame, you know, you're shameful for what you've done. Yes. Right? And then you feel guilty for the things that you're not doing. Yeah. Right? And then you're like, oh, that's good. You know, you you feel guilty for the things that you're not doing, and then you're like kind of trying to people please. And like you said, I feel like shame just makes you want to run and hide. Yeah, you want to run and hide because you know you did something wrong. Exactly. You did people wrong, or you did things wrong that you just don't even want to admit, and you feel so shameful. You want to get in the corner and just hide. No, that's definitely true. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_00 10:00

Yeah. Sorry to point that out. Like, I feel like guilt and shame sometimes I think we sometimes get those mixed up. I feel like we read and like when we were going through freedom back then, like, shame is who you think that you are. Guilt is like, okay, I made a mistake, but okay, there's there's um, I know how to turn it back around. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 10:19

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. But it seems like in the moments of when I was dealing with this way, it was driving me insane. No, I already know. Right? So when I say insane, it it was the guilt and the shame that caused me to be more defensive. Oh, that's good. Because when you are going through and you so you can't believe you've done some things. Ooh my God. You can't believe you've done some things. Right. Um, and you're kind of like, oh, I just, yeah, I can't let nobody in to know what I just did. Or I then when they ask, or anyone asks, I'm like, oh, well, what do you think you're doing? Because I was so defensive. And when you're defensive a lot, you know you're carrying around something that you're not trying to omit.

SPEAKER_00 11:13

Absolutely. You know, because that comes with that. You always just kind of come off on defense mode. Always.

SPEAKER_01 11:18

Yeah. I was on defense and I'm like, man, this got to be something different.

SPEAKER_00 11:23

I love that.

SPEAKER_01 11:24

Um, and then you know, it kind of made me overly kind of, you know, well, I got to perform. And when you perform, it is like OMG. I was trying to do that people pleasing. Absolutely. Because I thought that that would cut how do I say it? It's like um, you feel shameful for what you did. Right. And then you want to go and please a person or be a people pleaser because I don't want that guilt. Absolutely. So if I can fight one or the other, it's like a battle that you fighting against yourself. That guilt and shame will put you so It'll eat you up. It will eat you up. And I felt like, okay, this is not who I was made to be to be. Yeah, that's good. Absolutely. I can't live with myself always feeling guilty. Yeah. Or, you know, feeling shameful. And then what I did, right? You know how we do. Yeah. I went and repent. But here's the thing.

SPEAKER_00 12:27

Go ahead, go ahead.

SPEAKER_01 12:28

No, no, no. I went to repent.

SPEAKER_00 12:29

Right.

SPEAKER_01 12:30

But then I still went back and said, okay, like and did the same thing.

SPEAKER_00 12:35

Because I feel like I always had that perception, like, oh, well, if we just repent, and then um, you know, yeah, the Lord is gonna forgive us regardless.

SPEAKER_01 12:43

And he he's going to be going to forgive you, but he said, repent and turn away from it. Turn away. That's it. But we didn't know that. We only knew the repent. Repent. And so when I repent, I would be like, oh Lord, you know, Gor, Lord, just forgive me. Just get me out of this situation. Exactly. Or get me out of this thing. Or, you know, I'm repenting to him, and I know he's forgiven, and he knows my heart, and he knows I am struggling with this. But then two weeks later, I do the same thing. Ooh, that's so real. And then think that it's okay to be doing it. No, that's so real. And then I go back to repenting one more again. And then it is like, okay, I feel good again. Right. But then I feel guilty. Absolutely. Oh, that guilt will eat you alive. Yeah. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? Mm-hmm. So I knew at that moment, with all that I dealt with, with guilt and shame, that I need to be a better me, a greater, a best, you know, because you can only hide for so long. Ooh. Like you said. Yeah. Hiding. Hiding. I felt shameful. Yeah. But no one even knew I felt shameful. Because when I came out and then that appearance.

SPEAKER_00 14:02

But again, that mask that we always put on, just because again, like you said, being a people pleaser too. And like I said, being a people pleaser, we we perform, we put on a mask, we show up the way that we think people need us to show up. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 14:16

But deep down, we are feeling so suffering. Yeah. Um, so at that moment, that was a pivotal moment for me. I could no longer live like that. Absolutely. Because life had to be something different. And I had to believe it. I've been raised in church. It's not like I didn't know church. Exactly. It's not like I didn't know God. Those were not my problem. Right. But it was like, you know what though? You know, one thing I think is happens is, you know, you feel guilty and you feel shameful for your act, but because no consequences came with it.

SPEAKER_00 14:57

Yes, that is so true. Because the consequences don't come like I think the thing is, because the consequences don't come like right away. They don't come. Because you know how you get in trouble with your parents and it happens like right then and there, like, oh, you're gonna get in trouble. Oh, okay. But with that, it just kind of like you continuously dig a hole. You keep digging and digging and digging. And then like two years later, you're like, wait, how did I find myself here? And then that's when you have to go back to the source and be like, oh, this is where this came from. Cause it's gonna, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:26

Yeah. And so that's the thing I think that you guilty, you shameful. But you're like, wait, okay, I did that, but nothing really happened. Oh no one saw that. Oh my gosh. So you don't understand nor how you feel because there wasn't no consequences that immediately attacked you.

SPEAKER_00 15:45

No, that's valid. Valid.

SPEAKER_01 15:47

So then that is how you deal with it. But you know, I couldn't do it anymore. I literally could not do this anymore. Right. Um, and that is when I was like, you know what? I need to be all in. That's it. You know, all in with God because I did not like the way the person I was becoming. I wanted a better version of Athena to show up.

SPEAKER_00 16:17

That's right. But it's also true, yeah, she wanted a better version of you to show up, but just to feel that difference, feel that transformation. Yeah. Feel like that, okay, I am moving in the right direction that the Lord wants me to go. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 16:31

Yeah. So, you know, with that though, it has to be a point in someone's life. Right. Our point was I got tired of being tired of being feeling guilty. And I got tired of feeling empty. Um, so it it it was the season that we're trying to is kind of understanding where you're at. Yeah, yep, exactly. And if you don't know where you're at, right, then you can't have a change.

SPEAKER_00 16:57

Like I always say, like, the first step is always recognizing.

SPEAKER_01 17:00

You have to recognize that there needs to be a change. There has to be a change. And you have to, but you know what? With change, though, you have to look inwardly.

SPEAKER_00 17:09

That's so true. Because when you look inwardly, then it'll reflect outwardly.

SPEAKER_01 17:12

Yeah, but that's the hardest part. Yeah. Because you got to deal with your own flaws. Oh, you and who's-cause looking at that mirror, sometimes it's like, ooh. Because we're easy to judge someone else. Ooh. Right? And you're able to say, oh, look, she should be doing this better. Or that person should be doing that better. But when it comes to you, oh, we don't want to say nothing.

SPEAKER_00 17:35

Oh, we think, oh, no, I'm good. I'm all good. No, I know I'm where I'm supposed to be. But are you really?

SPEAKER_01 17:40

But are you really? But are you really? Is this how you want to show up? Is this how you want to feel? Right. Um, so I think that is the part when you really, really deep down get raw with your own self. Right. Getting to know who you are and being able to say, you know what, I can change this. I need to change this. This is no longer serving me more. Right. I don't know who has not been there. And I know I could put two hands up. Um, because Right, two hands and my toes and my fingers, everything. Because I had to deal with that. Yeah. I dealt with it in privately all the time. Uh-huh. Um, but I was showing up defensive. I was showing up not being myself. Right. I was showing up just feeling like, oh my gosh, is this who I really am? Is this all that is you know, no, no, I didn't want that person no more. Right, absolutely. So I think that that's a pivotal part to understanding is when you want to change, you can change.

SPEAKER_00 18:54

Yeah, and then but also to you gotta get to a point where you're just sick and tired of being sick and tired. Like, yeah, like you enough is enough. Like you just get tired of being tired, you get tired of being sad, you get tired of, I don't know, being in your feelings, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 19:09

But yeah, I don't I I I don't want to say that okay, it happens instantly. It's definitely not linear. And I don't think that, you know, we need to put it's a journey, right? And the change didn't happen for us in a couple months because you still now remember, you you was getting comfortable and being besties with that guilt and shame. Absolutely. Or with what you were doing. I think that that's the point, right? Right, but it's when you really have to look and see um do I really want to change? Absolutely. Do I really want to be a new person? Do I want to be the best version of me?

SPEAKER_00 19:50

Absolutely. Yes, y'all. I think that's really such a good point. And then, like mom said, just kind of get into that version of yourself, like, okay, I want to change. It has to be kind of like that turning point. And everybody arrives at that turning point at their own time. Yeah. I don't think there's any rush for it. But like we said, just recognizing that, okay, A, there needs to be a change.

SPEAKER_01 20:11

Yeah. Yeah. And uh, you know, trust God. And trust him. Trust him with that change. He will lead you to that change. Absolutely. Um, and I don't think, like I said, don't rush it. Absolutely. But be ready for being raw, being that crying, being by yourself, being lonely. Because that change doesn't happen when most times when people around you want to. No, change comes when you're just tired. So I challenge, we challenge you to sit with yourself. Ooh. Sit with yourself. But how would you sit with yourself? Just writing down your thoughts, just writing down your thoughts.

SPEAKER_00 20:50

And I think we heard something from like one of our pastors where she says she gives herself like a grade. Like at the end of each month. Okay, you know, A, B, C, D, E, F. You know what I mean? No, but that's just being real with yourself. Like, A, okay, I'm I'm good. B, okay, like, we good still. C, mm, there's room for improvement. B, okay, no, I really something needs to give. Something has to change. F mean, okay, like, listen.

SPEAKER_01 21:15

I I'm I Yeah. We need to turn this all the way around. But when you at that F, you already know that it is possible because when you get an F in high school or in grade school, whatever school you are going to, you know that there is room for improvement and you can do more. Right? But you got to put in the work. Yes. Absolutely. It's about putting in the work. Hey, y'all. We wanted to come to you live. We wanted to come and just share with you what was that change that we did in order to move forward. You know, we want to always leave you with a verse. Philippians 4 13. Yes. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. That's right. Until next time. Time y'all. See ya, see ya. Bye.