The Inside Scoop Mom & Me
Developing and Fostering a Strong Mother and Daughter relationship by discussing those hard topics: Communication, Boundaries, Spirituality, Relationships, Health & Wellness and etc.
The Inside Scoop Mom & Me
The Seasons That Shape Us (Part 2): The Refining
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Hey y’all! Welcome back to another episode! 💕
We are back with Part 2 of our series, “The Seasons That Shape Us."
In this episode, we’re talking about the refining season… the moment where everything starts shedding. Habits, people, mindsets, and comfort.
This is the season where:
- Growth feels uncomfortable
- You’re stretched in ways you didn’t expect
- You’re letting go of things you thought you needed
- And you’re being shaped into who you’re actually called to be
If you’re in a season where everything feels like it’s being stripped away… just know, it’s making room for who you’re meant to become.
Tune in, you don’t want to miss this! 🫶🏽❤️🔥
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Email: momandmescoop@gmail.com
I'm Deja Monet and I'm Athena Jay.
SPEAKER_01We are a mom and daughter duo who's been through trying and challenging preteen and teen years, identity issues, fear, guilt, shame, not knowing who we are or whose we are, but God. We now have a godly, strong, healthy mother and daughter relationship. So this is the inside scoop with mom and me. Hey y'all! We are back and we are so excited, y'all. This is part two to our series, The Seasons That Shape Us. And on this episode, we are going to be talking about the seasons that refine us.
SPEAKER_02Ooh, the season that refined us. Yes. That's that hard season for growth. Right? And the things that you may have to let go. People, things. Yeah. Yeah. So I can't wait to dive into that, y'all. But before we get started, let's kick it off with gratitude.
SPEAKER_01Yes, y'all. I'll just go first. And I'm just so grateful for another day. I'm grateful for life, health, and strength. And I'm grateful that my spirit, soul, and body. I'm grateful for spiritual order. So amen.
SPEAKER_02Amen. You know what? I'm gonna keep it real short. I am just grateful for another day. I am grateful for God's blessings upon us. Thank you, God.
SPEAKER_01Yes, y'all. Y'all, let's get into this. Let's jump right into it. Mom, do you want to go first and talk about your season that refined you?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah. Because, you know, I was talking about, you know, in the last uh episode that, you know, one of the things I dealt with that I wanted to change was the guilt and shame, right? Yeah. It was so, you know, it was just a lot, right? Um, and I had to do some self-reflection in that. And I wanted to change. I didn't no longer wanted to deal with guilt and shame. So one of the things that I did that was one of those humbling seasons of you know, getting real raw is I joined um a small group. We joined a small group. Yes. Um, and I remember the best. Um and it was back in 2022. Um, and it was freedom. This was a 12-week study. Right. And when I tell y'all, I was like, when I first thought about this, I'm like, dude, we got 12 weeks. And then the, you know, and the session was two hours. Right. And it was a book that you read along with that. And then in the book, it asked questions.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, so it's like a workbook.
SPEAKER_02It's like a workbook.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, along with like a couple like um um preachings and like teachings too.
SPEAKER_02Teachings and stuff, and you had to listen to a recording. It was a it was a lot, right? Um, but you know, I was all in because remember, I wanted to change. I I I needed not to feel any more of that guilt and shame. Um, and one of the sections in the book dealt with guilt and shame. And you had to write down some of the thing, okay, y'all. Remember, I was in that corner. Right. I didn't want anyone to know anything about the things that I've done that I was shameful of and what I felt guilty about. But in this book, it made you dig deep. And I had to get real raw and write it down. So, you know, sometimes, you know, I'm a person that when I write something down, it means something. And then I'm able to look at it, and then I'm able to think about it, and then I'm able to just process it. Right. So I had to dig deep and um write down that guilt and shame. And what was that that was holding me back from freedom? What was literally holding me back from that peace and that freedom?
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_02That was that humbling season, and that was that humbling moment when I had to write down those things that were keeping me in bondage and recognizing them for what they were, right? Um, so we went through the class, you know, and through the class, you know, every week there was something that was changing in me. I was looking at myself differently, I was feeling different. If that makes sense. Exactly. And in the class, too, you get prayed for. You get, you know, it is y'all.
SPEAKER_01I it's honestly like a breath of fresh air, like everybody just praying over each other corporately, individually, like praise and worship was so like intimate and sweet. Like yeah, it was I don't know, it was definitely just so much freedom.
SPEAKER_02It was so much freedom. Yeah. And in that time, though, right? Like I said, you had to get raw. But at the end of the 12 weeks, y'all, when I tell you, it is a conference, and I know that it's a conference of freedom. That's just putting everything out there. That's it. Um and at that moment when I was sitting there at the conference, and again they said to write down things you wanting to let go. So good. Or writing things down, or it was it writing things down that you wanted to let go, or was it I can't remember, but it was like listing out like a couple writing out those things that you wanted to let go and put at the cross.
SPEAKER_01And they actually had like a physical cross.
SPEAKER_02And when you wrote down that whatever you were looking to let go on that paper, you was releasing everything at that moment to God. Now, y'all, when I tell you, I wrote down what I wanted to release, I wanted the things that I wanted to be free from, and all I could feel is just a release.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02I cried, I mean, never cried like I I've cried. Y'all, I'm not sure.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, like she keeps this close to the chest, like in that regard. In that regard. And like that, just seeing her so like vulnerable. It was vulnerable. It was so good.
SPEAKER_02And then you put it in that basket, you put it in the trash. I mean, literally, you're putting these things.
SPEAKER_01It was like basically saying, like, these things, these names, this whatever, it has no power over you anymore. Let it go. Let it go, y'all.
SPEAKER_02So good. Freeing. So when I did that, went through that class and humbling, had to dig deep within myself, right? Had to recognize those things that were keeping me in bondage. Exactly. Those things or whatever it was that was keeping me going and just kind of, oh, I didn't want any more. Y'all. After I left that class, things began to change. You did, and you know, the funny thing about it is I didn't have to be like, okay, I'm not gonna go out anymore, or I'm not gonna party anymore. I didn't have to announce it. Right. It just no longer served me. That's it. That's it. Does that make sense? So it wasn't nothing that I did, but it was something that I was like, oh, I don't have an interest. Now I like to have fun, right? Absolutely. But my fun is handled now totally different. Exactly. And remember how we wanted to in the past season or that past series, we wanted to fit in. And we wanted to still hold on. Hold on to that. But that I'm telling y'all, naturally, just things mean.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, naturally, things just kind of fall off. They shed without you having to do anything.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, so it was just a me and God. Yeah. Literally. And that is what that refining looked like for me. Right. It was humbling. I had to get real raw with myself. I could not hide anymore. Because if you really want healing, you cannot hide from anything. I had to take it to God. I had to start crying. I had to address those things that no longer serve me. I had to get real with myself. Y'all, when I, because I'm that private person. Exactly. So when I tell you I had to, like she said, I don't do the, you know, some now I am. I now I do cry. Um privately. Privately mostly. Right. But when I had to get vulnerable and people prank over me, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Amazing. Absolutely. That's so good. And I think also, too, another thing that was really big for that conference was um addressing kind of like those childhood traumas, too.
SPEAKER_02Did I have to get with them?
SPEAKER_01Because you know how like we bury things so deep within that happened in our childhood. But I think it's important to kind of heal heal that inner child and address the things that happened in your childhood so you can be able to move forward into where you are today.
SPEAKER_02Thank you, God. Yeah, and that's what I had to do. Absolutely. I know I did that too. I had to look, and that brought up them childhood things.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, you never know. Like a lot of things that you go through or dealing with that come up in your adulthood happened when you were younger.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, so I literally dealt with that too. You right. Yeah. That was a refining moment for me. That was a humbling, that was one of them challenging. But from that, it was like needed. Absolutely. Because I never I buried it so much. Because it hurt so bad that I I literally forgot until that conference. That's what I just love about our brain.
SPEAKER_01Like it I totally know. It puts things far away in your in the folder, back in the back. So you just don't remember anymore. Like, so you so it doesn't cause you any harm. It's ties into it protects you.
SPEAKER_02It protected me. Yeah. And I was able to move on. But then that's where, you know, you think and realize that, okay, where did all this stuff come from? Absolutely. And not that, you know, I had a beautiful childhood too, right? Absolutely. And it's but some things I just held, I just kind of said, nope, nope. I kept pushing down, pushing down, pushing down. At that conference in 2022, y'all, literally, I had to confront those things. I had to really confront those things to allow me to start stepping into who truly I am. That's good. You know? And that is a lonely season too, right? Because you want to go. You want to be doing the same things, but I'm telling y'all, when you're in that moment that you feel I need to change. Now, ooh, here comes the difficult part, the humbling one. It humbled me so much. Um that I am just grateful for everything that I went through during that time. Right. During that conference, being able to feel a lift. It was a lift. Literally.
SPEAKER_01It was like it just feels like those burdens that you're carrying, the heaviness of just the weight of the world. It just lifted.
SPEAKER_02And then I know one thing. Remember, I said I would go back. Okay, I'll go repent. Then I go back. Exactly. This time, hallelujah, it was like I repented and I said, no more. That's it. No more. No more. No more. That's so good. Yeah, so good. I talked that whole thing and I and it brings tears back to me because I just know what we went through and what we had to go through.
SPEAKER_01Right. But also, too, I think what's good about like just freedom in general, it's just like that conference and the small group. It's just like you never really think that you're going through anything or like that anything is necessarily wrong. And then like, like like mom said, the worksheets, the praying, the the praise and worship, just everything. It's just so deep. And it's like, dang, like, I didn't really know. Like, I had all this building. But you don't even know that you have it built up because you've kind of just been like we said. Yeah, you condition yourself to like, oh, this is the way that things are always supposed to be. You kind of learn to function with the the guilt, the shame, the shame, right? Exactly.
SPEAKER_02Or this people pleasing and exactly. Then you become to think it's normal. So you don't even think nothing's wrong with that. Exactly. Because you've dealt with it so much. But when you go through something like that, but it's when you make up in your mind that I really want to change. That's it. I really want to be that best version of me. That's it. Um that is when that refining starts to happen. That's when that humbling experiences things that you want to change, things that you see yourself having to grow. Yeah, ooh, I could go on and on. Dage, what is one of the things for you that was just like one of those grown, you know, because this refining, it's refining, it's humbling yourself.
SPEAKER_01Right. I think for me, like I always talk about this all the time, but you know, coming like I said on the last episode, just talking about um the emptiness, the the shame, um, the condemnation that I felt, I was kind of tired of it. Um, and it felt like I was searching for so many answers, but in the wrong place. Yeah. Um, but I one thing I did notice was my mom, for example, she I noticed that she was starting to get very like deep. Like this was around like I feel like 2020. She was like really deep into like the kingdom, and like I just saw like just so many things starting to manifest in her life that were for the good. And I'm like, I saw that she was joyful, she was prospering. I'm like, hold on. I need some of that, okay? So that's when the moment when I like during COVID and stuff, I was like, okay, I woke up, worked out, did my devotionals, and um but can I stop you right there, real quick?
SPEAKER_02So I said 2022 is when I went through freedom. Right. Um, 2018, I was at a women's conference. Um, and so that was one of the things that I was like, I really wanted to see change too. You know, I made up a decision. So remember, see how the years go? It wasn't like so 2018, that's when you kind of saw that exactly. And I lost my father at that moment, and I wanted different. And um, I went to a women's conference and um I was prayed for. And Lord have mercy. That prayer was something so different. But again, remember y'all, I just said it didn't happen just instantaneously. I was still straddling the fits, right? That's good.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Yeah, I think sometimes that's what we do. It's straddle. I mean, you know. Yeah, you do. You do, you do. I mean, yeah, you don't know which way to go.
SPEAKER_02But I'm sorry, I had to interrupt because when you mentioned that 2020, that's that happened and I started going into the kingdom a little bit more, diving deeper, go ahead.
SPEAKER_01Exactly. When she like she was praying more so like in the Holy Spirit and just different things like that. And I feel like when you kind of get that sort of it, things really start to unravel. Anyway, yeah, so I saw that she was like prospering and she was a lot more joyful. I saw like a lot more peace, and and I don't like I said, I really just thought a prospering part. So I'm like, hold on. Let me get into this kingdom, okay? So I started, you know, doing my thing. Um, so I was doing good all throughout, you know, the quarantine time time frame. But then it was time for me to go back to school again. Like mom said, that part straddling the fence. That part. So all what I did throughout the quarantine and throughout the summer, out the window. Because I'm back at school. I'm like, oh, we outside, partying, yeah, having a good time. So I don't know. It's just it happens. But it happens though.
SPEAKER_02And I don't want us to feel like remembering.
SPEAKER_01And honestly, I feel, I mean, now I like don't feel any good about it. Because I think that was a part of the story and a part of my journey. And I'm not gonna, and I think that's just it may it shape it helped shape me that's it to where I am today. The refining. Exactly. Um, but yeah, so got back partying this done third. So 2021, this is like my senior year. I'm about to graduate in August. So in May, I'm back home for summer before summer classes start. And I'm just like, okay, so we go to church. Yeah. And I don't know if it was like a first Wednesday or Bible study or something. I can't remember. But I remember at the end of that service, mom and I both went up there to our pastor just to receive some prayer. Because I knew for me, like, this was about to be a new shift in life. I'm graduating, I don't know what's going on. I don't I'm I'm feeling lost, obviously. Yeah. Um, so I just went up for prayer, right? Girl, our pastor, like she like went in. Went in. Like she was praying so hard, like me and mom were both tearing up, and like, so she prayed for one of us, like each of us individually, and then together as a family.
SPEAKER_02But so But wait a minute, let's talk about this though. Wait, I I want us to kind of paint the picture real clear. So she got done with Deja praying with Deja. She came to me, but she said, wait a minute, uh-uh. Right.
SPEAKER_01She was like, uh-uh.
SPEAKER_02She I have to go back to her.
SPEAKER_01Well, she didn't even say it. Like she just came back and she charged up. Yeah, and I was like, oh gosh. And then I don't know what happened after that. But anyway, after that was over, you know, we go home, go to bed, this, that, and the third. And then I wake up the next morning. I'm like, I feel like this conviction, not condemnation. It was more so conviction. Yeah. So that's when I was like, wait, mom, like, something feels different. Like, you know what I mean? Like, I feel different, something feels different. And it just felt like the veil that was on my eyes just like fell, and I could just see, like, wow. I have like I have to change, you know what I mean? Yeah. And I was like, wait, like it, and then automatically it felt like, wait, so what I've been doing, like, I don't know, like this needs to change, and I feel different. I feel a lot lighter. So that was the moment where I was like, okay, yeah, something is really different. You know what I mean? I love it. Yeah, that's so good. So that was yours as that moment of prayer. That moment of prayer that really changed me, and it just really opened my eyes. And of course, yeah, I was still straddling the fence a little bit here and there. I'm not gonna lie. There we go. Um, but really got back like mom said, so now we're at 2022, we go through freedom, and that's when it really changed from just praying and being free and getting baptized in the Holy Spirit, like everything completely changed. Friendship started to shift. Everything started to fall off. And I do remember, sorry, going back to when my pastor prayed over me. Yeah, I remember her saying, like, um, you're you're different. Like you're supposed to be set apart. You're going to go through the season of loneliness. Not isolation, but like loneliness. And um things are just gonna shed. But that's all I really remember. I can't remember anything else, to be honest. But and I was like, and I went through exactly that. Just a season of isolation where we're just falling off. The craving and the appetite for going out kind of just fell off. It left. Um, me starting to start finding my voice and saying, No, I'm not going out. And then me starting to also be okay with not being invited places either. Because like the big one. Yeah. That's the big one. That's the big one. Accepting that, okay, you're not gonna be invited and not trying to take it so personal is because it's like I'm different, like, and it feels different. And yeah, yeah, and I just didn't want to put myself in situations too forward to feel conviction because girl, that conviction is so real.
SPEAKER_02You said a good point is that um we we didn't do anything to have to because friendships. I, you know, in that season and during some times of these times, friendships has kind of shifted. They did. It literally shifted, and I didn't do anything. Um, still love on people, still do, still people, but I guess that your seasons change. And you know how they always say that some people, friendships are there for what is what is the saying? You know, I can't really think of it. Friendships are for a season, right? Time and then you have yeah. Um I don't know.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, but but that's how seasons work. They did. And the relationship that I thought at the time that I was in with this guy, I thought that he was I was gonna marry him and this, that, and a third. Nope, we broke up. So it's just like so many things shifted, especially after freedom and just knowing who I was in Christ, and just I don't know, and being okay with just being set apart, being okay with that, okay, I am gonna go through a season 11ness, and I don't have to try to fill everything in a like I said a few episodes back, um, the quality of friendships rather than the quantity.
SPEAKER_02There we go. Yeah, there we go. But these are like things that we had to go through. Um, and if people are on that same walk and then the same journey as us, everyone's story, everyone's season looks very different. That's it. You know, like we said, we didn't just arrive and just be like, okay, we are serving the Lord. No, we straddled. That's it.
SPEAKER_01And there's still, and I feel like also too, there's still theft all the time. And I feel like we have opportunities to continuously pass the test too. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah. But when, you know, like I want to kind of say, you know, when we talk about the season that refines us, right? We walk through what we just shared with you. But the season really is it's the hard season of growth. Yes. It's letting go of people, letting go of habits, right, that mindset. And it's a humbling season. So when you think about refining, it it's more than just, you know, it's a refining, it's kind of working with you now. It's working for you. And your desires change. Exactly. You know, it it's not that, you know.
SPEAKER_01Like I said, the appetite and the cravings for just growing out and do being a people pleaser, all that stuff just kind of like fell off. It just felt like the chains that were holding me hostage like broke off.
SPEAKER_02And that's a beautiful thing, though. I love that. You know, it's a beautiful thing. And these are kind of what we wanted to, you know, share in this episode.
SPEAKER_01And if you find yourself in this season, it's just like, don't give up. Also, too. I know it may look hard. It may look like you're in a wilderness, you're in the winter, it's cold, you don't see a way out, but just keep pushing through. It's just the season going. Yeah. Keep going.
SPEAKER_02Keep moving forward. Yes. You know, keep knowing what's on the other side is that joint. That promise, right? Um, it's hard. Yeah. Now it's hard. And when you see that everything is chaotic, everything is so out of order. Yes. Everything is just not going in the way that you think that it should. Exactly. But it's your season, it is your time, it is your journey. Yes. And what we said before, only you, it's only your journey. You can't run it for someone else. You can't.
SPEAKER_01Um and I know sometimes when we're in like that season of chaos and what is going on, we want to go back to the old, to what's old and what's uncomfortable because it's comfortable. But I think it's important too that we just have to see this test the season through so we can get to that new side. Yeah. So yeah.
SPEAKER_02And it and testing, right? I I like the testing, but God always stretches us too. Oh, he does. And he stretches us through this to know that, like we said, it was a one moment that we had to take, and that was 2022 freedom. Yes. Y'all, we want to just say, you know, we challenge you. If you are where we were, where we at, we always still in progress of growth. That's it. Right? It's always still room for growth. We have not arrived. But we wanted to share our stories. Yes. You know, and if you have anything or want us to pray for you, don't reach out to us.
SPEAKER_01Reach out to our email, to our DM us on um Instagram, Facebook. Um, we want to hear from you guys.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. So we want to leave you with our scripture. We're going to continue with that scripture. Philippians 4 13. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens you. Make it personal, right? Who strengthens me. Right. Until next time, y'all. See ya. Bye.