What Moms & Daughters Don’t Talk About Enough

Welcome back to another episode of The Inside Scoop Mom and Me 💗

In today’s episode, we’re having open and honest conversations about the different things we wish we would’ve talked about sooner growing up. From friendships, confidence, communication, and life in general… we’re sharing both sides as a mom and daughter.

We talk about the things I wish Mom would’ve brought up with me earlier, the things Mom wishes I would’ve felt comfortable sharing with her, and how important open dialogue really is between moms and daughters.

Whether you’re a mom, daughter, or somewhere in between, we hope this episode encourages more understanding, more communication, and more real conversations. 💗

Tune in - we’re just talking, laughing, reflecting, and keeping it real!

Grab your tea or coffee and get cozy with us! We hope this episode encourages you!

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

I'm Deja Monet. And I'm Athena J.

SPEAKER_00 0:03

We are a mom and daughter duo who's been through trying and challenging preteen and teen years, identity issues, fear, guilt, shame, not knowing who we are or whose we are, but God, we now have a godly, strong, healthy mother and daughter relationship. So this is the Inside Scoop with Mom and Me. Hey y'all, welcome back. We are so excited to be back, y'all.

SPEAKER_01 0:37

Yeah, we are so excited. I cannot wait to talk about the topic we are about to talk about.

SPEAKER_00 0:44

Yes, y'all. In this episode, we are going to be talking about the things that we wish that we would have said to each other growing up and things we just talked about, conversations and just different things like that. But y'all, before we get started, let's kick it off with gratitude. Mom, you want to go first?

SPEAKER_01 0:58

Yeah, absolutely. I'm so grateful just for another day. I'm grateful that uh to have this opportunity. You know, God is faithful, he is good, and I am just standing in gratitude.

SPEAKER_00 1:11

Yes, and his mercies endureth forever. I'm just thank you, God. I'm just really grateful, and I'm just just grateful to be in my right mind. Everything is functioning properly. I feel good, I feel amazing. Hallelujah. Amen. We are full of energy and joy. How about that? Yes, y'all. But y'all, let's just get right into it. So, y'all, like we said, we're going to be talking about the conversations that we wish we would have had with each other, you know, with us just well, me growing up and then mom. She was young too.

SPEAKER_01 1:38

So, yeah. I, you know, I can't wait to dive into this because I don't know. You know, when we thought about this topic, and you know how we grow up as parents and children are growing up, and some things we may have missed, moms, you know, right, um, from what we should have did or what we should have said or how we should have handled certain conversations. Um, yeah, so we wanted to dive into it real quick.

SPEAKER_00 2:07

I know Deja was like Yes, and I was just thinking, I was like, okay, mom, listen. I when we were talking about this, I was like, okay, mom, you know, growing up, I wish you would have said this. So for me personally, I wish the conversations that we would have had like early on, even though we don't want to, is intimacy. I think really just talking about, you know, just the whole conversation around it, just not, yeah, like just intimacy, everything about it. You know what I mean? And I think sometimes we approach it kind of like, oh, well, I don't want to. We want to see the best in our daughters, and I don't want it to think that I'm giving permission. I don't think it's giving permission or like allowing it, but I think having that open conversation about it, so it's knowledge rather than me just kind of like fumbling through life and figuring it out, you know?

SPEAKER_01 2:55

Yeah, so okay, let's pause right there for a moment. You are right. Um, you know, I I want to kind of start off basically when um I had you, I was 24 going on 25.

SPEAKER_00 3:08

Ooh, that's young. Yeah, I was young. I'm 27. I just could not imagine having a kid right now.

SPEAKER_01 3:13

Yeah, you know, and so you know, one of the things I want to say, I do agree with that though. I think that is very important for moms today, you know, um mom's period to have those conversations early on um about intimacy. Um what I so because I was young, um, I didn't have those conversations when I was growing up. Right. Um, it was a miss. Um, and I'm you know, just trying to kind of I'm trying to formulate my words as you guys can tell that yeah, I feel how I would have addressed that conversation now, knowing what I do right now. I didn't have that kind of, you know what I here's my thought. Let me just be honest. Oh, she's probably not gonna do anything. So why do I even need to, you know, talk about it? Or I was afraid to talk about it. And I think that it's like if I don't address it, then it may not happen, so I avoid it. Right. Um, so I think more of mine was avoidance and not wanting to deal with it, and maybe I didn't even know how to have the conversation, right? Right. Because when you talk about intimacy, you're thinking, okay, when I was growing up, I didn't have those conversations. And my mother and father didn't. They just said you better not because you're gonna end up pregnant, period. Just don't. And I'm like, okay, okay. So you know, you you think of it in that mindset. Right. So when I was raising you, I didn't think beyond that because I didn't know how to do it. But I feel like today and the society is so important to hit it head on.

SPEAKER_00 5:00

I agree. I agree because the world is honestly changing so quickly and so fast. So I think in, and I just believe like just generations to come, like they're growing up very fast. I mean, it's too because we have so much access to so many things, you know. But like you said, I think having those conversations just at home rather than figuring it out out in the world or from somebody else who doesn't really know.

SPEAKER_01 5:24

Like so, what would you, you know, in that, what would you have liked for me to talk about? So that's one of the things that when we say intimacy, right? It's beyond just, you know, going out and like I was raised, hey, don't get pregnant, da-da-da-da. But I think it's a little bit more to it, right? So, what would you have liked for me to address back then?

SPEAKER_00 5:51

Well, that's a really good question. I think for me, I would have really just liked you to say more so, first of all, the value of intimacy. Like, just the you know, it's a really it's a beautiful thing when you're you know married with the right person. Like, I I wish those conversations would have happened early on. Like, okay, this is the importance behind it. Um, and then when you are intimate with somebody, this is what it means. Like, you know what I mean? And then as far as like the safe side around it, you know, protection, protection. So just the safe side about it, and then if you don't protect yourself, what would kind of does that make sense? Like just the kind of different conversations. Okay, what does it mean? What like shoot, where do babies come from? Like, you know, just those type of conversations, and then too, even just with me becoming a woman, having my menstrual for the first time, like what does that even mean? Oh, does that make sense?

SPEAKER_01 6:47

Just different conversations, you know? So I like that. So how we kind of look at it now today, right? Um, and like you said, what did you need from me during those times of growing up? And I think that the conversation to me would have started at 10, right? Dang, that's early. Well, yeah, here's the reason why I'm gonna walk it through a little bit more of why. Because you hit upon several points, which you said, hey, mom, you didn't share with me about my menstrual, right? Right. What does that look like? That's becoming a woman, right? So at 10, because some girls are uh sooner, some are later, you know, it just depends. But 10 is a good age, too. 10's a good age, but it's a book that probably nowadays it probably is out there that walks you through the woman's body. I think that you have to, yeah, it's kind of embarrassing. You know, you know, girls are a little bit different.

SPEAKER_00 7:42

And then we get our attitudes, we get all in our feelings about it. Then we let it be. In your feelings about talking about it.

SPEAKER_01 7:48

But 10, I think, is a sweet age. I agree. Because they're not too in their head a little bit. That's true. They still have innocent. You know, they don't have that attitude. They have a kid and they're looking at it like, Mom, this is but then they'll understand a little bit, but they'll still think it's weird, but then they'll still it'll be something in the back of their head, right? So I think that a good age is 10 to start talking about what that body looks like, right? What to expect from a menstrual cycle, and how to navigate it, and just talking through just general things. Agreed. Um, I think that the you know, intimacy, right? You are so absolutely right. Right. At 12, right? 12 and 13, because you're finding out who you are really a little bit more. Right. You're understanding you may have gotten your monthly or your, you know, then you talk about, okay, you know, here's what intimacy should be and how it should look, right? That is when it's a beautiful thing when you find that right person, um, and that you're just madly in love with them, right? That you get married to, and then the intimacy is such a sweet thing that you want to savor and kind of save yourself. Right. Because it is a beautiful thing, right? Correct. It's not, it's not that we have to look at it, but then you're right, but then there's risk, right? Right. So sometimes your mind at a young age is not able to handle the fact of being intimate so early. That's that's facts. Because, you know, intimacy is because if you're so young, your mind can't even wrap yourself. You get in a situation, that's true. Um, and then guess what happens? You're like, oh my God, I'm in you know, you're not ready for all of those feelings because feelings come with that intimacy, right? And it comes and it puts you in a whole nother mindset.

SPEAKER_00 9:51

Just like, I don't know, you just get all in your head and you just it's too much.

SPEAKER_01 9:55

Your feelings become too much feelings, and so moms, seriously, um, you know, those are a couple of myths, and now that I'm older and you know, just I wish those would have been how I navigated with Deja. Right. Because it's so important to navigate those things because it kind of formulates how your daughter, how they're gonna look at uh, you know, intimacy. Correct. How they're gonna look at relationships, how they kind of look at, you know, wait, you know what? I save myself for that right person.

SPEAKER_00 10:32

Correct. But I think on the flip side of that too, if we want to take it just a not a flip side, but if we want to take it a little bit further, it's like the spiritual side of what intimacy means too. I mean, obviously back then you didn't know what you didn't know. So how could you educate somebody on something that you really didn't you don't have a full understanding of? But I think the spiritual side is when you're intimate with somebody, you take on their spirits too. So I think that's a really big thing. So it's also too like so that's why they say to save yourself until marriage, because then you're only connected with your partner. Correct.

SPEAKER_01 11:06

That's why they say now that is that's a good point, Dej. Um, and that's a point where you know we kind of miss. And and and and let me just pause and we're going to hit that spiritual because I like where we're going with that conversation. Right. But a pause is if you, if your daughter, whoever, right, has made a mistake, it's not too late, right? I I kind of want to take back because sometimes, you know, moms, we do think, no, we don't. We don't think. We do, yeah, we do think our daughters are just not gonna do these things. Right. Right? Um, but even if we think that, we still have to have the conversation. It makes like a lot of people. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_00 11:50

Maybe not like a super deep, deep no, no, no. But I just think like a general idea of like, okay, this is what this is, this is what the importance is. Okay, yay. And then we kind of move on. Like, don't make it weird. Yeah, but it's just But I think we do sometimes. Moms, you know, we do. We always make just everything such a big deal, but I think just having a conversation like we're having a conversation now, like, hey, like I know you just started your period. Okay, this is what this means. This is how you take care of yourself, okay. This is how you carry pads, yeah, other things, and how you, you know, navigate through the clean, yeah, stay clean.

SPEAKER_01 12:23

Now that's important.

SPEAKER_00 12:23

You know, just take care of yourself in that way. And then after this, you know, that means, okay, this is when egg releases when you have them, and then you just those types of conversations. It's like a PowerPoint.

SPEAKER_01 12:33

Look at me. I didn't put it into a business kind of a if you think about it, we need a you know, a PowerPoint. Um, because you know you want to make the points, right? But you don't want to over expand. Overwhelming either the points, right? Exactly. But mom, sometimes, you know, like I just said, if we don't know how to go how to get to it, you know, it's like a PowerPoint. Correct. You have your uh headline, right? You have your topic, and then you have those bullets of what you want to cover, and then you're able to cover those things with it, but it's so important to have the conversation because you don't want to end up later regretting those conversations or your child acting in a way that you did not want, right?

SPEAKER_00 13:17

Yeah, no, that's valid.

SPEAKER_01 13:18

So, you know, okay, we did okay, so that is what I wanted to say because you know, they we're all gonna make mistakes.

SPEAKER_00 13:26

I was just gonna say that. I mean, mistakes happen. I mean, honestly, they just happen, and it's just like dang, like dang. Like, you know what I mean? But also, too, there's no condemnation either. There's no condemnation. Yeah, repentance, forgiveness, and we can do better. That's it.

SPEAKER_01 13:40

We do better, and that's it, and we look forward to it, you know. And like I said, it was a miss, but it was a miss on my end. I, you know, it doesn't matter the age that I am, right? It doesn't matter that, you know, I'm 24, 25, being a mom, you know. Yes, I didn't know it, I didn't hear it, I didn't talk about it. What wasn't said, right, was just understood. Is that you know so I didn't under, you know, I understood the assignment my mom said to me, listen, you don't want to, I'm not about to be nobody's grandmother when you're not ready, you know, I'm not ready for it. Period. Don't have, just don't have it, you know, because look ugh, it's nasty. Oh, okay. You know, and I mean that's so I'm like, oh, oh, this stuff is just real, real. But then guess what happens when you just tell me that curiosity. So you don't want your child or your daughter to kind of then get curious with it.

SPEAKER_00 14:38

That's good.

SPEAKER_01 14:38

And then what happens is curiosity will drive you to it because you don't know what you don't know. Oh, that's good. And it pushes you into doing it because that curiosity, if you just name it, oh, don't do it, just don't do it. Then you're like, oh, I want to do it. Because when someone tells you not to curiosity, curiosity will take you and put you in a whole nother place. So pink, I'm saying mothers, mothers, right? Have that conversation immediately. Honestly, it's never too early, it's never too late. Have the conversation with your daughter because my you see how deja was, but let's take it to that spiritual realm. You are so absolutely correct, right? When you look at it from a spiritual perspective, we are to save our bodies, right? Right? Right, and you do take on those spirits, right? Because it's not only taking on the spirit of that person, but it's taking on the spirit of whoever that person may have been intimate with as well, right?

SPEAKER_00 15:43

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 15:43

So then, and vice versa, if you've been intimate with someone else.

SPEAKER_00 15:48

It's honestly like a chain, honestly. It's like my mom said, like, okay, you take on the spirits that that person was with, but then again, let's take another set for her, then the person that they were with, we take on the spirits that the person that that they were with. Like, it's just a whole chain and ripple-down effect, like a domino effect, honestly.

SPEAKER_01 16:05

It is a domino effect, but you don't even look at it that way because you look at it for the moment. That's it. That's it. We only look at things for the moment and not the big picture.

SPEAKER_00 16:14

Right.

SPEAKER_01 16:15

So when you do have these conversations, so I'm glad that we touched upon this topic because when you do have the conversation, it's not a short term, it's the big picture and the long-term gain. Right. Right. Right. So if you approach it and see, here I go again with my business. If we approach it as a long-term gain, right, not just short term, because short term you can't have that immediate satisfaction, whatever that is, but then there's consequences to everything that you do, and that you're not ready for. That's facts. So I I agree, I I 1000% agree that that intimacy conversation um was a miss for me.

SPEAKER_00 16:59

Yeah. I mean, and for me too, because I just wish I would have even asked. Like, you know what I mean? Like, just kind of be like, Mom, so like this conversation came up at school. Like, does that make sense? Or I don't know, like maybe just having, and I think another not miss, but something that we I wish we would have improved upon early on in our relationship too, is just kind of like that open communication and that dialogue, like how we have now, like we're very like open and close. But like back then I was very like secretive. I was very like, oh no, it's because like I felt like my mom was very like white on rice, like she was too much. You know what I mean? So I was like, I don't feel like I can come to her about certain things. I we were still close, but just certain things I was like, oh I don't want to bring it up to her. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 17:43

Well, you know what? I so the open communication, now we we flipped the script, right? So you wish I would have been more open or I would have kept that door open a little bit. Correct, right? Um, you know what? That's a good thing that you brought up. And you know how to navigate that now that I'm looking at it, how could I have made that a better open communication for you to feel comfortable but not disrespectful?

SPEAKER_00 18:10

That ooh, that's really good. Because I think there is a difference between being mother, daughter versus friends, and I'm not your friend. I'm not your friend that part.

SPEAKER_01 18:19

Growing up, you growing up. No, no, no. Because I think that there is a time and place. I think there's a a place for daughters to be at when you're raising daughters, especially moms, because it's a run for your money. Now I'm promise you that. Um, and I was sharing that, you know, how could I have done that differently, allowing that open space? But you know, it's not just an open space, but it's an open, healthy space, right? Correct. And so how would I have done that? Because I did close the boundaries a little bit more. I was tighter. Um, I think what it was was um asking more questions.

SPEAKER_00 18:59

Asking more questions. And I think sometimes too, I think because naturally you're such a fixer. Yeah. And I think sometimes I just wanted to talk. You did. Like, you know, just like I didn't want you to solve it. I didn't want you to try to fix it. I just really wanted to talk to my mom.

SPEAKER_01 19:13

Well, you know what? That that's a good point. Because once you said, hey, mom, um, you know, uh, the friends came at me at school and they took my candy. Well, forget that. I'm going to the school and I'm gonna go. Then I'm gonna go to the principal and I'm gonna get them expended. Expended. Suspended and expelled.

SPEAKER_00 19:31

Suspend suspended.

SPEAKER_01 19:32

But do you see that little example of what I could have done, and just given that situation, you came to me to say, hey mom, the kids took my candy, but I stopped you. I put a period at the candy, got upset in my mind to say they're trying to come for my daughter and fixed it. Instead, you could have put a comma and went on and said, Mom, they took my candy, but it's okay because you know, I feel that I have to fight this battle by myself. I'm able to do that. Does that make sense? So, do you see where I put the period and didn't allow you to put a comma and to go on to how you were going to handle that situation? I put already in my mind, I'm going to fix it. So, as a mother, right, to in order to keep going and keeping a healthy relationship and an open relationship with your daughter, if you're raising these daughters today and raising kids, I'm just speaking it from an older now perspective, not at my 25-year-old self. Exactly. But they complete different people. It's like I'm two completely different people. I was just navigating my own self, right? Okay, still growing up. Um, growing up myself, you know, but you know, anywho, um let's not put the period before they're not able to finish the sentence. Yeah, that's good. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_00 21:02

And I think sometimes we just come with just like, okay, I would just want to express how I'm feeling. You know what I mean? I don't really want you to have to fix it because I know I can navigate this myself. Or here's another thing too. There's a difference between offering advice and like I said, then trying to problem solve. That's you know what I'm saying? Just advice like, okay, well, this is how I would handle it, but you can figure it out. You know what I mean? But I'm just offering you my piece of advice, but I'm not gonna do anything, you know what I mean? I'm not gonna take it a step further. This is just, you know what I mean? I like that. So suggestions. Suggestions.

SPEAKER_01 21:34

I like that. That's it. So if I kind of we can kind of close that gap. Go to it. Look, Deja, I mean, y'all, listen, she has been ready for this topic, okay?

SPEAKER_00 21:46

Because honestly, because like hindsight 2020, you never know what you don't know. And I think thinking about it, I'm just like, ma'am, I do wish you would have did this. Ma'am, I wish you would have said that. But I mean, obviously it don't matter, I'm cool now. But dang, what was I gonna say?

SPEAKER_01 22:00

Well, you I think you were going to say something I was saying that we don't have to always problem solve. We don't have to always be a fixer. Okay. Well, we you forgot. That's okay. That's cool. But you know, one of the things that I would say back to my daughter, uh, if we kind of say push this back, okay, mom, I wish you would have said this, or you wish you would have done that. Right. Um, I do feel that I could have been a better listener. Um, because like you said, I took it.

SPEAKER_00 22:30

I always take it. Sorry, I remember. Okay, go ahead. Well, because I was just saying, but I also think yes, there's suggestions and stuff too. But if you see your child daughter, your child going into like a ooh, bad direction, then I think it is okay to auto-correct. Like, okay, ooh, ooh, ooh, I see you kind of going down there in that decision. I wouldn't do no, let's not make it. So let me just course correct. You know what I mean? And I think there's just sometimes it's a boundary.

SPEAKER_01 22:55

It's it's a balance that you're experiencing. Because and remember, too, like you said, when you see danger or you see them about that, there's a whole you can't do it. Or it's costly. Like it's cost of me. Now, I always say that I did tell Deja this, and this is what I stand by. Your decisions that you make are costly to me and your dad. Yeah, it was always a cost that we had to pay, and it was a pretty penny cost. It was never none of those costs where you're like, oh, now I do feel and believe that you do have to let your daughter sometimes hit their head a little bit because the only lesson that they will learn is that taught lesson. And so you have to allow them to go through a little bit of things. We can't protect them from everything, right? So you do have to allow them to make a decision. But here's what I would always think, you know, with that decision, and and this is people in period in me in my own life. Who does this decision affect? How would this affect anyone else around me? Yeah, right. And then, you know, okay, is this gonna be a good decision? If you can kind of put it in your mind to always ask those questions, what, you know, who when I make this decision, who would this, who else would this affect? Okay.

SPEAKER_00 24:13

Yeah, I feel like you really made that appear to me lately. And I was like, oh, that's a really good way to look at it because you have to think like my decisions don't just affect me, but it affects the people around me too. So it's just like you gotta really think about every scenario from like, okay, kind of like start to finish. Of course you can't predict everything. No. But yeah, some decisions you really do have to think like, okay, this is not only affecting me, this is affecting my mom, this is my dad, this is affecting this person, this is affecting my friends. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 24:40

Yeah, and then so you know, just you know, if you go out out to a club or anything like that, I don't, whatever you're doing, or if you go to a study room or you go over to someone's house to study, or whatever the case may be, you know, and they want you to do something else. Okay, hold tight. How would this affect my parents or how would this if I make this decision in this time? Because it's fun in the moment, but remember it's a long-term game. That's right. Um, and then if we can kind of always operate in that manner with conversation, yeah. And I do believe you have to put, you know, children have to be, you know, kids. I they're always still a kid to me, right? Until they leave my house. Facts. Right. But when you come back to my house as an adult, then there's a whole different kind of name. That's where we're at today. Exactly. But you are a child if you are still living under my roof all the time at 18, and you know, because we have to know, like we said, we're not, you know, we can be friends, but there has to be a balance and a boundary.

SPEAKER_00 25:42

And these are where like you said, it was a it's a respect level to you. It's a respect, it's always about respecting, you know.

SPEAKER_01 25:48

I it is a respect level, I I I command. I do, I I command that. I command a respect level for sure. I am the mother and you are the daughter. Period. It's no, we're not negotiating that. And I'm going to insert my authority at all times. Period. Do you feel it? Okay. And I do you feel what I'm saying? And that is why we didn't have that open conversation, right? And didn't. But again, I could have navigated it differently. Correct. Still using my authority. Correct. But opening it up just a little bit of a safe open space for you to feel comfortable. Correct.

SPEAKER_00 26:25

And I think that's what you're doing now and what we have now. Granted, again, I'm a a dog, grown adult. And yeah, and I think what I wish that you knew. I wish you knew what you knew now back then. Oh, yeah, just kind of how you are now. Like I feel like now you're very emotionally available as far as you are really in tune with your emotions. You're like, okay, Deja, this, that, and the third. And also, too, I think what was really important to me back then too. I wish you would have more so spoke life into me back then, as far as okay, Deja, you are enough. You are confident, you are bold, you are courageous, just like you do now. But again, how could you do that if you didn't even know to do that?

SPEAKER_01 27:07

You know what I mean? You know, and like, and and that's true. As our we were raised and how I was raised. I didn't, you know, you don't hear those words about nation. But you know, we knew what we knew. Right. And you better do what you do. And and you don't, you don't question nothing. And Pierre, you do what I say. You do what I say. That's it. And that that was my my that's what I did. That was my assignment. I did that as a daughter. Thank God. I was now I had a whole attitude problem. We we'll get into that later. But anywho, like you said, now that I know, I feel that the importance as mothers today, we have to speak life into our children. Correct. It is very important. I am more of a person that I like acts of service, right? Right. To show up. My love language is acts of service. But my daughter, right, if I don't even know their love language or Beja's love language, we missed, right? Yeah. So therefore, she likes the words. She likes to be told these things. So if you haven't done that, um, you know, uh, what is those, those language, five love language, whatever it is. But also, too, I mean, obviously, when your kid is young, you don't know that stuff. No, but you do kind of know your child child. You do.

SPEAKER_00 28:21

I'm talking about the five love language. No, no, no, no, no. Right.

SPEAKER_01 28:23

But I'm just saying it can be a little different scale, right? So it's not following those love languages, but I say that to say, whatever it is, you speak to your daughter, you are beautiful, you are loved, you are enough. God loves you. Right. You are made for greatness. Right. You are going to marry the man of your dreams. Right. You will have this in your life. You will. And what happens from there, you know, and you then post it on their mirrors, or you post it, you say it out loud to them each and every day. Or have them repeat it with you. Repeat it with you. And then once you do that, guess what happens? They change their whole career sometimes to say, you know what? I am a nun. Right. I am love. Wow, God. I am capable. I am deservable. I am bold. I am courageous. So when they get out there to the real world, correct.

SPEAKER_00 29:24

Because that real world won't let anybody else define them.

SPEAKER_01 29:27

Define them and they're looking for their identity.

SPEAKER_00 29:29

Identity and other people when, but I already got that affirmation and a confirmation at home. I love that. And from my mama.

SPEAKER_01 29:35

Thank you for bringing that from your parents. Yeah. And from God. And if you, you know, faithfully, you know, because you know, we have the characteristics of God within us. But the nine fruits of the spirit. Yes. And so if you operate into saying that, and if you haven't done that, do it. That is necessary. That is going to help and navigate. Because that's God's character, and God lives within us. So peace, joy, gentleness, kindness, those are the characters and more. But we have to instill in our child early to say who they are in Christ.

SPEAKER_00 30:13

But you have a responsibility.

SPEAKER_01 30:15

As a parent, we do. We have a responsibility, and God has blessed us with beautiful children, and we need to take care of them. Right. But how do we navigate through it? Is by understanding the assignment that has been given unto us. Y'all know I like that word assignment. Is that you know, speaking life. I think that that's if you leave out of this conversation with anything, having that upfront conversation.

SPEAKER_00 30:40

Ooh, them horror conversations. Even with like friendships, relationships, intimacy, mental cycle, whatever the case is.

SPEAKER_01 30:47

And the friendships, you know, one of the things, you know, I want to stop because I know we can keep going on and on. But as a mother looking from my daughter, what I needed from her was to be vocal. That's right. To be able to express herself in a way that I knew that she was struggling. Because what happens is that internal struggle, you don't have to struggle by yourself. You have already a person who loves you, who cares about you, we're on the same team. And we're on the same team. So, therefore, what I would have wanted from my daughter and moms, I know maybe you can relate to this. That's valid. You speaking up, don't struggle by yourself because we can carry this weight together. That's right. Right? You don't have to carry it by yourself. And if you can't express it verbally, write it down. That's true. And then you can send a letter, you can send a text. You know, it's so much out there now that you can reach us and you can say, Mom, you know, after we left, or mom, you know, I wanted to talk to you about, you know, friendships. You know, this, you know, how do I navigate this girl told me this or whatever the guy or a relationship, a boyfriend, whatever. Um, and I want to talk about it tonight. You know, that's good. Does that make sense? Because I would have needed that, and that would have helped me to better know how to set myself up to have that conversation.

SPEAKER_00 32:19

Right. No, I agree. That's really good. And I feel like I need to do better at that even now. Like just vocalizing because I'm a very internalizer. I like to think on things. It takes me a few days to process things. So I think it is good, like you said, to just speak up. Say what you mean. But again, I think if we do that again, if we go back into uh flip, well, if we could create it, that circle, that circle, that communication, that open door policy, maybe it would have been different.

SPEAKER_01 32:47

So, how do we get there? You know, so you know, we talked about this, we talked about it quick, and you know what? I think this may need, you know, hey, let's just see and fill out how this is working. You guys share with us how it's working. But how do we get to these open conversations? Let's let's kind of talk about it. One we just said, you know, um, just being honest, um, just not, you know, being respectful, demanding that respect, yeah, but kind of putting a balance to it that they feel like they can come to us, our daughters, right? Deja said, Hey, mom, I wish you would have had those conversations. And then I'm thinking, okay, how could I have done that differently? I would have listened more. Right. I wouldn't have been a fixer, correct, but more of a listener, and allowing her to move past my period and her able to go, comma of how what she thought about the situation, then we can work together through it. I think that that's one thing that I think is very important is listening, being open to communication. That creates that whole healthy, open space. Um, and moms, let's take the, you know, take it just a little bit, just a little bit, take our hands off of the fixer and be more of a listener.

SPEAKER_00 34:04

Yeah, I agree.

SPEAKER_01 34:05

That's really, really good. Okay. And and the second thing I think um, you know, just have that conversation. Right. We have to have that conversation. Um, I think that we have to kind of say, hey, this is what intimacy looks like. Here's what it can be. Remember, it's not just about you, it's a spirit that you take on from other people, you know. And you know, if you can't have it, just bring someone else into the conversation with you. Right. But it must happen. And, you know, intimacy is a beautiful thing, and it's beautiful if you have it with the right person. And you don't have to continuously take on because if you notice, if you do have intimacy with others, you take on those spirits. Remember, y'all, we're taking on everybody's spirits that they've been with or you done been with.

SPEAKER_00 34:51

Facts, facts, facts. So, yeah, and I think just for our side, for daughters and just growing up or even now, just like we said, having that communication to talk, you know what I mean? And I think sometimes we automatically assume that people already know what we're going through. But people like we can't hold people to that, you know what I mean? Or eat our moms, you know what I mean? So I think, like mom said, like being more ver yeah, vocal. I'm about to say verbal, but being more vocal, just about, you know, what are we struggling with? Right. What do I need, mom, from you? You know what I'm saying? And I think it's okay to have that conversation, you know. Um, yeah, but yeah, just being open and honest because we can't automatically assume that they should know what I'm going through.

SPEAKER_01 35:32

And we both have to give give each other grace. Period. Yeah. Your mom, or I I'm not perfect. Right. You're not perfect. We're not perfect. We're working together. This is a team. We are a team on the same team. That's right. And we we have to remember that. So, y'all, hopefully, you've enjoyed this message and this conversation. We wanted to get down and dirty here, get raw. Not down and dirty. I like how I put that. Oh my god. We wanted to get raw with it because, you know, just letting you in um of things that we could have and should have done to and you know would have helped us navigate. But before we leave, we love to always leave you with a scripture. First Thessalonians five, verse eleven. Therefore, encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing what you're doing. Amen. Amen. Until next time. See ya. Bye.