Knowing Your Worth Changes Everything

Hey y'all! 💕 In this week's episode of The Inside Scoop Mom & Me, we're diving into, how knowing your worth and impacts every area of your life.

From relationships and friendships to boundaries, confidence, and faith, the way you see yourself influences the decisions you make every day. 

Join us as we share personal experiences, lessons we've learned, and encouragement.

Grab your coffee or tea, get comfortable, and let's talk about it.

See y'all in the pod!

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Email: momandmescoop@gmail.com 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

I'm Deja Monet. And I'm Athena J.

SPEAKER_01 0:03

We are a mom and daughter duo who's been through trying and challenging preteen and teen years, identity issues, fear, guilt, shame, not knowing who we are or whose we are, but God, we now have a godly, strong, healthy mother and daughter relationship. So this is the Inside Scoop with Mom and Me. Hey y'all, welcome back. We are so excited to be back. Yes. Yes, y'all. Um, today we are going to be discussing knowing your worth changes everything. Wow. But y'all, before we get started, let's kick it all forgotten too.

SPEAKER_00 0:46

Mom, you want to go first? Yeah, I want to just say I'm grateful for another day. I'm grateful for the opportunity to come before each and every one of you on today. I'm just grateful. God is good, and God is good all the time.

SPEAKER_01 1:03

Yes, y'all. And I am too. I'm just really grateful for just another day and just life, health, and strength. And I just thank you guys that I'm living in spiritual order. Amen. Amen. I like that spiritual order.

SPEAKER_00 1:14

Yes. I like the way you said that. You know, so today we're talking about such an amazing topic. Uh, you know, something that affects us in every area of our lives. Yes, y'all. Our worth. I mean, you can't even sum it up. I mean, that is what we're gonna talk about, y'all. It is like, you know, when you think about worth, right? Um, what do you think about? And when someone, when you see someone or, you know, worth can be kind of looked at as being arrogant, believing you better than somebody else.

SPEAKER_01 1:53

But see, okay, like, sorry, I'm about to just go right out of the gate, but I just don't understand, like, when pe like when people know their worth that they think somebody is like that they think that they think somebody is better than somebody else. Like, why? I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 2:08

But that is how it looks and appears. But it's just knowing who you are. I mean, you know, and knowing who you are in Christ. That so people in society puts it as when you are, you know, know your worth, you know what you're what you stand for, what your values are, right? They think that you are arrogant or you think you're better than someone else, but you're only operating in what you your value, what you're worth, right?

SPEAKER_01 2:36

Right.

SPEAKER_00 2:37

You know, um, when I take a look at it and I kind of think about it, you know, I look at my younger self, and I'm like, you know, back then I struggled with knowing my worth. It it was like, yeah, I I didn't even know who I was, right? Right. So when I was in high school or going off to college, and you know what I would do and getting my worth from just people pleasing.

SPEAKER_01 3:10

I feel like me and you were really similar, like with that growing up. Seriously, no, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:14

Yeah, yeah, you know, you are my daughter. Um, you know, but I don't know if we struggle the same. But it's like I received my worth from people pleasing. And how that looked was, you know, hey, if someone said, Oh, this is a great idea, Athena, oh my gosh, let's do it. Guess what I do? Oh, sure enough. Yeah, knowing deep down, right? Really, I didn't even think it was a good idea. I didn't want to do it, but did I not, did I want to disappoint someone? Mm-hmm. You know, right, and so I was actually not knowing who I was. I felt my value in other people kind of people pleasing and couldn't understand. You know, I would just go along with the flow, just here I am, yeah, and just going for everything, falling for everything. Right.

SPEAKER_01 4:07

Man, that's so real. Yeah, I think I was like honestly the same like that too. Just thinking about me growing up, I really try like tried to find my worth in like friendships and relationships. Like you said, just people pleasing. Like I didn't even know who I was, I didn't even think for myself. So if somebody was like mom said, if somebody was like, Oh, oh my god, I love oranges, I was like, Oh my god, me too. And then if somebody was like, Well, girl, oranges is nasty, I like apples. And I'm like, Oh my god, I love apples too. Wow. So I feel like a lot of people used to call me just growing up, just a flip-flopper. A flip-flopper. You know, that's a new term. You know, what does that mean? But you just go every which way. Like you just go with the wind. You don't have an opinion for yourself. You go, you flip from ship to ship to ship, you just go along. Like you don't have you, like you don't have any leadership skills. Wow. I was like, dad, like the more I think about, well, dad, low-key people was like talking about me straight to my face.

SPEAKER_00 5:06

But at least it was calling me out too much. But you know, but here's the thing you thought it was funny, right? Exactly, but really, it wasn't really funny because at the end of the day, you didn't know your worth. You didn't even know how to stand up for yourself, right?

SPEAKER_01 5:20

And didn't know. I never stood up for myself. That's a good point because I never stood up for myself. I allow people just to say and treat me any kind of way. Wow. Or I would allow people, other people to kind of stand up for me. So people will always say, like, oh, you don't even have a voice either. Like, you do you even have an opinion?

unknown 5:37

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 5:38

Yeah, I was like, the more I thought about this, I'm just like, man, I really did struggle with self-worth. And I think a lot of people are like, well, because let's be real, like a lot of women, little girls, like they have like, you know, a lot of parent issues sometimes. And they're like, well, I don't know how you struggle with that, and your parents were heavily both in your life and this, that, and that. But I'm like, I'm still a girl, like people still struggle, like everybody has different struggles, and that was just mine.

SPEAKER_00 6:04

Yeah, you know what I mean? I don't know. Yeah, and you know, when we were trying to think about this episode, and I like the way that you put it, um, you didn't even understand your worth, nor did you understand that your opinion mattered.

SPEAKER_01 6:17

Right.

SPEAKER_00 6:17

And because you didn't know, because you were afraid to kind of voice your opinion. Yeah, because I never wanted to rock the boat. You didn't want to rock the boat, and sometimes, you know, we back down from that, right? Only because, you know, we're like, oh, they're gonna think that was a crazy idea, or ooh, exactly. Do I sound like I don't know what I'm talking about?

SPEAKER_01 6:38

Or sometimes I'm because sometimes I notice sometimes about me. Like, I like to plan, I like to do with this, that, and the third. So I'm like, or are they gonna think I'm too controlling? Oh my god, is it gonna be too much? So then I just kind of yield, I just lay down my own opinion, lay down my own thoughts, and then there it is.

SPEAKER_00 6:53

Well, you know about that control and me liking to Yo, y'all should have seen my face when I looked at it. I like to, you know, I am a planner. Yeah, I am one of those executors. I do. But I remember one time you share with me, um, and I had to get my mind back right, but you share with me, hey mom, you put your opinion or your thoughts on other people quite a bit. I sure did. You told me that, and I said, Really? And so then people don't really know how to say no to me because I didn't put the plan. I have, and then guess what I do? I excite it, I get you excited about it.

SPEAKER_01 7:37

Yeah, but I also sorry, this is a point that just came up because I was talking to my manager earlier this week. We were talking about like the this personality, and I think you're an I, aren't you? Influence, influence, and I think you don't realize it, but some things that you do say, it influences people. But sometimes I'm just like mom. Sometimes it's like girl, just relax. You know, I am I'm an I, and I'm a strong I. You really are.

SPEAKER_00 8:02

So when I do take that disc uh test or discipline, yeah, you have to take that. But anywho, right, you know, it's influence. I thought it was. Influence. I, you know, I influence, and sometimes you do, you know, do that. But anyway, I do believe, you know, you have grown since then, which is amazing because you're able to now. I said that to say, you do know your worth. You do know that you, you know, you stand up now. That wasn't the deja that I knew, you know, my daughter back five years ago. Because, you know, you didn't, you just was like going with the flow. And I'm like, are you kidding me? You don't allow people to treat you any kind of way, right? And get away with that, right? Know who you are, you are worthy, you are valuable, right? And so, me too, when I was growing up, when I was in those in my 20s in high school and college, I didn't know who I was. I was fishing, I was trying to find out who I was, and I was finding my value in people and not finding my value or worthiness in God.

SPEAKER_01 9:16

That's good.

SPEAKER_00 9:17

Right? And when you do that, you know what they call this kind of worthiness, and you know, we as women, we as you know, women, we struggle with this because we operate off of performance-based worthiness, right? Being worthy.

SPEAKER_01 9:35

It's just like you're trying to earn something.

SPEAKER_00 9:38

We're trying to earn something, like, you know, like saying, for example, if I lose weight, I'll be worthy. Wow. If I get married, I'll be worthy. Right. So what what if you're single, you know, like we are today? Are we saying that we're not worthy to be loved?

SPEAKER_01 10:02

I mean, if yeah, does that make sense? Go ahead. No, I was just saying for me, like, that's a really good point. The second one that you really just made, like, oh, if I was married, then I would be worthy. I think sometimes too, I take it from a whole nother perspective. Like, oh, well, if I was married, I would have this such and such community, this such and such friends. It's just, you know, like trying to find my worth and like thinking that that's what you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Like, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:28

Well, you know, um, that's why they say it's like a performance-based. We're trying to always operate, trying to get something from this. And if we have it, then we're gonna get it. But I think what happens when we get it, we don't even know what to do with it, right? No, because we now put our worthiness. If I have this, then this, then this will happen for me. Instead of being okay with singleness and the community you built here, right? Waiting, and as God does prepare that man for you, then you are already worthy beforehand. You're already worthy. Right. Right? So I know we were listening to um, you know, our podcast, and you know, sometimes what I think we do is settle. You know, and we settle for less than God's plan for us, right? Sometimes, right? Yes, yes. Because of fear of oh, if I'm not getting married, right, then guess what? I'm not worthy, or I settle because I get rushed and I exactly kind of pushes me to rushing things.

SPEAKER_01 11:47

Yeah, and it's like, don't let fear make you settle for less than God's best. Because fear, like she said, can make you settle. Yeah, like can make you like, oh, well, I'm running out of time. Oh my gosh. So whoever is the first person who comes, that's who I'm gonna be with.

SPEAKER_00 12:02

Isn't that but that's how it is because you know that's what we just said is performance-based worthiness, and then therefore we're saying if I get married, I will be worthy, but then you then go and settle for something that is not worthy of you, right? Right, because fear then got into you and said, I need to rush this, I need to be with this person only because if I don't get married, I'll not be worthy. So if I get married, then I am worthy. So fear pushes you into something that you're not even ready for.

SPEAKER_01 12:41

Yeah. Sometimes you know what I mean. And I just think sometimes it just like we say, like it rushes you, like it tries to make you speed up. Like I think the enemy wants you to rush. The enemy wants you to ignore God's timeline, like to a God's to a whoa, to ignore God's purpose and plan for your life and the perfect timing for your life. Oh, I love that.

SPEAKER_00 13:03

Yeah, I love that. I love that. So that's why, you know, when we talk about that worthiness and are you worthy, you have to take a step back and you know, kind of think like, wait a minute.

SPEAKER_01 13:16

Yeah, and also too, like you said, too, and I think who like me, I'm guilty of this too. Like, who thinks too with performance-based too? Like, sometimes we feel like we've had to perform for God too. Wow. Oh, if I serve this much, then this. The Lord's gonna bless me a lot, yeah. Yeah, just like that type of thing. Or if I um, I don't know, whatever the case may be, then this will happen and this, but we always try to earn something. Oh my god. Why?

SPEAKER_00 13:44

You know, you know, I think with society, with this world, um, you know, we always have to kind of earn something. We have to give something in order to earn earn it something. Yeah, you know, um, and then we're always chasing that if I do this and this, then this will happen, you know, instead of operating off of I am worthy, I am valuable, I am blessed. And it's just knowing what's already been made ours. It's already our inheritance, yeah. And that's what's getting into that word means. Because if you're looking for your value and identity from this world, oh my God, you will continuously be searching, you will continuously be chasing, yeah, you will continuously want more, and you're never satisfied. Ooh, does that make sense? No, for real. You're never satisfied. After the things of this world and them dictating too empty and still empty and dictating to you your worth.

SPEAKER_01 14:52

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 14:53

You know what I'm saying? And that's the part where you think and sit and realize, like, man, my God, wait a minute. Back when I was doing those things and trying to find my worth and value in people by performing, by performing for you. To being a people pleaser and just agreeing. Just agreeing with anything.

SPEAKER_01 15:16

And just not just not having opinion, not speaking up, not even having an opinion. Yeah. Just allowing people to control what you're thinking and thinking that's what you're that thinking that's your thoughts.

SPEAKER_00 15:28

But you know, that brings me to a point. Settling, right, is when a is a sign you've forgotten your worth.

SPEAKER_01 15:34

Oh, yeah, that's a fact.

SPEAKER_00 15:36

Settling is a sign you've forgotten your worth. Um, and I know everyone has been there. That is with friendships, that's with relationships. You know, when when I think about it, when you kind of settle, right? And we talking about, you know, we lost our worth by people pleasing and all of that things, but one of the things when I think about friendships, right, and you settling for those friendships, it's kind of like always being the one who has to reach out. You know, you always are that person in a friendship that has to reach out. Why is that? You know, because this is what it means when you're settling, right? And you forgot your worth. And they could be like friendships, relationships, and then it's a one-sided relationship, and then you and one of the last things you feel so drained instead of encouraged. Yeah, that's good. Because you've settled, you just been treated any kind of way, so now you don't even know your worth in a friendship. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Isn't that like, you know, that could be, you know, I was thinking like in a husband, partner, your friend, you know, like your boyfriend, whatever the case may be. You know, you kind of just settle in and you just doesn't you just forget who you are. You know. Um, but one of the things I like to kind of bring in how can we navigate through that and how can we kind of move to understanding and knowing our worth is by definitely putting boundaries. Yeah, absolutely. Definitely, you know, yeah. When you have boundaries, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:28

I think when you have boundaries, I feel like you you stay strong in what you believe in. You know, you stand up for, you know, you have those more, you have those values. I think boundaries create that that um protection, I guess. Healthy space. Yeah, healthy space.

SPEAKER_00 17:46

Yeah, yeah. And you know your worth because of that, because boundaries put you into it because you're kind of dictating those boundaries, right? Right. You know what you stand for because what what's our saying all the time? If you don't stand for something, then you fall for everything.

SPEAKER_01 18:02

I remember my mom used to tell me that all the time in high school, like, girl, listen, stand up, stand up for yourself.

SPEAKER_00 18:09

You know, know your worth. And you know, guys, this is not something that we woke up and said, This took years to understand. And me personally, I'm still working on it.

SPEAKER_01 18:20

You know what I'm saying? No, you know, like I said, it's for me, like I said, girl, I'm over here, oh my god, I'm close to 30. Oh my god, see, but any wants to come in to true, try to be like, oh, well, you need to rush, you're almost 30. There you go. See, performance-based performance-based, trying to settle.

SPEAKER_00 18:34

Yeah, and you're always trying to do that. Yeah. But what I what I challenge is that this too is you you have to spend time with God. Yeah. You have to spend time in the word. The word is going to show you who you are, right? And that you get your value from that word and your worthiness, right? Right. But then therefore, you don't have to perform. You don't, you, you already know. And remember when we started off, people will think it's um, oh, she's arrogant girl, she thinks she knows, you know, she's better than everyone else. But it's a silent, it's a quiet confidence, it's a God confidence that you have. But by doing that, right, with that worthiness and knowing who you are, you're creating boundaries, you're creating space. Right. Those boundaries are help healthy for you because when you have those boundaries in place, you teach people how to treat you.

SPEAKER_01 19:34

Period. I was just about to say that. Yep. You teach people how you want to be treated, you know? You teach people. Yeah, I said that right. I was about to say you treat people the way you want to be treated.

SPEAKER_00 19:44

But you teach people how to treat you. Yeah, we protect your peace.

SPEAKER_01 19:48

You put limit access from toxic people. Okay. You limit that access.

SPEAKER_00 19:54

One more time.

SPEAKER_01 19:55

How do we say that you limit that access to having anybody just have access, you know, to you. And then vice versa. You just protect yourself from those, you know, people too.

SPEAKER_00 20:07

And that's not being uh uh that I'm arrogant or anything of that nature, but what it does is right, creates that quiet confidence, that God confidence, right? Um, boundaries are necessary in this walk and to understand your worth because again, you cannot get your worth by performing for it. Nope. You know, you can't get your worth by settling in and just going for whatever. Hello. I don't know how you say settling in. You know, sometimes, you know, settling. You know, you're just settling because you you you forget.

SPEAKER_01 20:44

You forget, you forget your worth. Yeah, even in like a career or something too. Sometimes we just be staying in certain place because we're like, oh gosh. So we just settle here because we're like, oh, I don't want to push the boundary. Oh, I don't want to speak up. Oh, I don't want to do try too much. And so we just stay stuck and we settle. Girl, I like that point.

SPEAKER_00 21:04

That's the truth in our career. You know, we work um, you know, in corporate America, of course. Um, and sometimes I do see, you know, what we do to ourselves. We don't know our worth. Right. Somebody like we mentioned last time in our episode. Oh, you didn't do a good job. Oh my God, guess what now? I'm a failure. That's it. Oh, and but you know what I'm saying? I'm a failure. Right. Then you've lost your worth and then your value, and that you know that you're a good employee. You know that you could lead a team. Right.

SPEAKER_01 21:39

You know you can do if you have certain ideas that you want to think to implement, because it's like, okay, I can see that the change management needs to happen here. So I want to say something, but then you're like, oh, oh no, that I don't want to walk the boat. Then the in touch is gonna be on me. Oh my god, then I could get fired. Well, that's one of the way that I think.

SPEAKER_00 21:57

They should always think oh God. Y'all, everything she does do with that career. Oh, I'm gonna get fired. Right. She got to stop making. You know, trauma. Trauma will hold you back. Sometimes let's not. Okay, that was another episode. Yeah. However, but trauma, let's not allow that to get away from who you are meant and who God has you. That's a good one. That's a good point. Has who God has ordained you to be, right? We let trauma. Don't, don't, don't, don't look back, right? Trauma will keep you stuck. And so, you know, the past keep you stuck. That past. Stop going there. You know, and if you are living in that past, look at me. Don't right? Repent.

SPEAKER_01 22:43

And move forward.

SPEAKER_00 22:44

And move forward. You know, you don't have to stay stuck right there in the past. But again, but that again shows that self-worth, that work. Because sometimes people go to the past. Oh, well, you know, such and such happened to me. I don't feel worthy. Ooh.

SPEAKER_01 23:01

Yeah, even of things that happened plenty of years ago. Oh my God, well, this happened then. So it's gonna always be like that.

SPEAKER_00 23:10

No, no, no. No, no, no. You are a child of the most high God, right? Yeah. You have the favor of God. You are worthy. You are valuable. You are blessed and highly favored. You speak those things as if they are so. And you say amen, because you are agreeing with it. Yes, you say yes and amen. Because all of his promises are ours. And you know, look, I'm not going in and preach, no, no, no. But I'm going back to understanding your worth and your value. Yeah. And then when you do want something, if I get promoted, I will have this or I will be worthy. You are worthy right now. Take a stand for yourself. That's it. Stand up. Stand up. Know your worth. You are worthy of this. If you go back to your past and you continuously look back, ask God for forgiveness. Repent and move forward. That's it. But again, y'all create boundaries. Boundaries are necessary. Yeah. Boundaries are needed.

SPEAKER_01 24:19

Yeah, and I feel like boundaries is just, and I just think knowing your worth and stuff like that, it's just like, okay, you start to not chase people. You stop convincing people to choose you. You stop tolerating just anything. Um, and you stop begging for um people to love for the energy to be reciprocated. Ooh, mic drop. I was gonna say a bigger word, ri, but I because I didn't know how to say it. I just didn't say it.

SPEAKER_00 24:49

Say that one more time. I like that. It yeah, go ahead. Do that one more time, Dave.

SPEAKER_01 24:53

But I just feel like because knowing your worth, you start to okay, you stop chasing, you stop convincing people to choose you. Yeah you stop tolerating just anything. Wow. And you stop begging for the energy to be reciprocated back to you. Because you already got the worth. Because you already got it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. You know how to find your worth. So what we're saying is just mainly is know who you are. Just let's work on finding ourselves in Christ and what belongs to us in Christ and what he has already made ours. And once we know that, then we're able to like, okay, accept that as your own, as our truth, because it is our truth. It's written in in his word. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 25:36

Yeah. That's why I think this podcast was because what we dealt with. We've dealt with this performance-based kind of worthiness, kind of we have to perform. We've dealt with, you know, settling in um because we've forgotten who we were.

SPEAKER_01 25:51

Mom, say settling in. But you know, I I I feel that we do.

SPEAKER_00 25:55

We get the settings. I've heard you say it.

SPEAKER_01 25:57

I think I'm keep laughing because settling in sounds like, oh, we just moved into a house, we're settling in.

SPEAKER_00 26:02

No, but we're settling into who we think, you know, you know, right.

SPEAKER_01 26:06

We're settling into sif different situations that we think we need to stay at.

SPEAKER_00 26:09

And stay at, and we don't even know our worthiness, that we don't even need to be there. Oh, that's good. You know what I'm saying? We don't even know our value, right? And you have values and morals, and you're worthy. You know, get into the word. You know, I was listening to, you know, a podcast, and they were saying, you know, we do look for help, uh, help books and self-help books. Self-help books, but the self-help book is that word, the Bible. It will teach you how, right? How to navigate certain situations is written in his word. It is in his word of who we are. And what's our inheritance? And our inheritance. So those help self-help books are, you know, I like them. They're a good read sometimes, right? But if I really want to tune in and know who I am and what it belongs to me and what I have in Christ and operate in a whole different manner than what society can say and do, get in that word, get into that newness.

SPEAKER_01 27:10

Knowing that God loves us and loves you. I mean, that's the most important thing. I think, yeah. That that's all. God loves you.

SPEAKER_00 27:17

Period.

SPEAKER_01 27:18

That's it.

SPEAKER_00 27:18

And if you ask and you do them uh what it the affirmations, right, the declarations, say them three times, post it on your uh post it on your mirror notes around the wall, around your house, wherever you need to see it.

SPEAKER_01 27:32

Just remind yourself, God loves you. Write down them, like we always say, them um scriptures, stand on a few of them. Yes, you got to stand on them. You do to know the truth.

SPEAKER_00 27:42

The truth of who you are. So, you guys, we wanted to come to you today um on this episode, just to get real and kind of just talk about your worth. You know, we all struggle. We've been there, we've done it. And if you are struggling today, just know now, and hopefully, this episode has blessed you in a way that we see you. You are valuable, you are worthy, you walk that out. We want to kind of conclude with a scripture, Psalms 139, verse 14. I will praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Marvelous are your works, and that my soul knows very well.

SPEAKER_01 28:28

Oh, amen. Amen. Love that, y'all. Until next time. See ya. Bye.