Red Flags 🚩

Hey y'all! Welcome back to the Inside Scoop Mom & Me podcast!

We've all been there - looking back on a situation and realizing the signs were there all along.

In this episode, we're having an honest conversation about recognizing red flags in relationships, friendships, the workplace, and even within ourselves. 

Join us as we share personal experiences, practical insights, and encouragement to help you recognize warning signs.

Thank you for spending time with us, and we'll see you next time! ❤️

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Email: momandmescoop@gmail.com 

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

I'm Deja Monet. And I'm Athena J.

SPEAKER_00 0:03

We are a mom and daughter duo who's been through trying and challenging preteen and teen years, identity issues, fear, guilt, shame, not knowing who we are or whose we are, but God, we now have a godly, strong, healthy mother and daughter relationship. So this is the Inside Scoop with Mom and Me. Hey y'all, welcome back. We are so excited to be back, y'all.

SPEAKER_02 0:36

Yes, we are so excited.

SPEAKER_00 0:39

Y'all, ooh, we are so excited for this topic. We are talking about what are red flags. Well, we already know what red flags are, but we're just gonna talk about red flags, okay? Period.

SPEAKER_02 0:51

This is going to be an episode you want to stay tuned into, and you do not want to miss any part of this episode.

SPEAKER_00 1:01

Yes, y'all. But of course, before we get started, let's kick it off our gratitude. Mom, you want to go first?

SPEAKER_02 1:05

Yes, I am grateful for just another day. I am I I remain in gratitude. You know, I just am grateful. I just am grateful. I cannot continuously say that enough. Um, and I'm blessed and highly favored. Thank you, God.

SPEAKER_00 1:23

Go, mom. I am too. I'm just really blessed and highly favored, and I'm just excited. I'm really excited. Just about the what's what's about to come. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 1:33

It's about to come, and I feel the excitement. I feel the positivity, I feel the energy. I know God is moving in a way that we are ready and He has prepared us for. I am grateful.

SPEAKER_00 1:46

Amen. Amen.

SPEAKER_02 1:48

All right, y'all.

SPEAKER_00 1:48

Y'all, let's jump right into it. Okay, red flags, y'all. What is a red flag? You know, um, we just looked this up, you know. Yeah, whatever. But so a red flag is a warning sign that someone thinks something isn't healthy, safe, um, or aligned with your values. Um, but the problem is that it's not always that we don't see the red flags. It's many times we do see them, but we just explain them away. We try to negotiate with them.

SPEAKER_02 2:18

Yeah, and here's a quote that came up when we were doing our research. It says the issue isn't that we missed the red flag, it's that we convinced ourselves they weren't red.

SPEAKER_00 2:35

No, that's so valid. That is very valid.

SPEAKER_02 2:38

So if you know, and I know everyone, I I don't care who you are, right? Have seen some red flags, and you just ignored them.

SPEAKER_00 2:47

No, and definitely do. I know I have many of times.

SPEAKER_02 2:50

Many of times, but let's talk about relationships. Let's go there real quick. Let's just dive in.

SPEAKER_00 2:54

See the relationships, one. So I think when we think about red flags, I think the reason sometimes that we ignore them is because we see the potential instead of the actual reality and what's there in front of us.

SPEAKER_02 3:05

My God. Yeah. Mic drop.

SPEAKER_00 3:08

No, seriously, I think that we do. I think because we're so in our mind, we're like, oh my God, I can see that they'll become this. Oh, I can see that um I can imagine them doing this. I hope they become this, that we ignore what's right in front of us. So that means we ignore the red flags.

SPEAKER_02 3:24

You know, funny thing you say that, and I think we all do it. Yeah. And in dating, because we want it so bad. So what we do, you know, no, hold on.

SPEAKER_00 3:32

We want it so bad.

SPEAKER_02 3:33

We want it so bad. We want this relationship to work. We've been out here. We create, we crave it. Just as humans, we've been single, and the first person who comes to us. I know I've done it back in the day now. Listen, in my early 20s, listen, oh, he's showing me attention. Oh my god, yes. But knowing I heard through the grapevine, he was with so-and-so, so-and-so, and so-and-so. But I thought because he was with me, I'm gonna change him. Oh, he's going to love me. See, he didn't like those other girls. I'm going to show him that what a uh a real relationship looked like.

SPEAKER_00 4:16

No, I'm gonna show him what a real woman is. Period. I'm gonna be the one that changes him and change him.

SPEAKER_02 4:22

He's gonna be mine. But I knew already what I was getting into. But what did I do? Just to ignore them red flags. Ignore. Girl got my feelings hurt sitting over there crying by myself and crying, and then guess what? Embarrassed. Because I already knew he was dating other people. He was already with someone else, and not with just one person, too. I'm talking about Thina. I'm talking about me.

SPEAKER_00 4:55

This is real Thina back in my 20s, not Thina back in her 20s.

SPEAKER_02 4:59

You know what I'm saying? Not Thina that I looked and be like, oh, but the potential's there. He's going to change. Oh, he's doing that. You know, once he gets me and I'm in his life. Oh, we can come up together. Oh, I can come up with it.

SPEAKER_00 5:13

Oh, we go, I can see green. We make it kind of like um one of our friends said this before, like a build-a-bear. We can build them up, we can craft them, make them into we who we like, you know, change them. Because we're so obsessed with that. We potential obsessed with the potential and hope of who they are will become.

SPEAKER_02 5:32

That's it.

SPEAKER_00 5:33

You know, so we don't let take them at face value. Like you always tell me, um, when people show you who they are, believe them.

SPEAKER_02 5:40

Believe them. That's facts. But again, you know, we've done it. You know, we've done it. Yeah, a relationship. What? And be I'm not even gonna say one time. I've done it two or three times.

SPEAKER_00 5:52

And like you said, because people be, you know, people, we, us, you know, sometimes it's like, oh, in the past, we, oh, we've been single for so long. Oh, okay. Well, this, that, and the third, the first person that comes along, oh my god, that's my husband. So you picture yourself, oh, that's my husband. I'm gonna be married. Yes. You already get think about that future again, the potential, not what's right here in front of you. The reality. The reality. We we didn't missed it. We done missed it.

SPEAKER_02 6:19

Because we didn't got into la la land and daydreaming about what we want. It's the daydreaming. It's the daydreaming. Seriously, I think that what happens is we get and think about what, oh, when we were a little girl, you know, what is some of the purposes, you know, and and thoughts when we were a little girl. Oh, I'm gonna have me a baby, I'm gonna have my husband, this is gonna be my wedding. Yeah, I'm gonna have five bridesmaids, I'm gonna have five brides. You think about every girl thinks about the wedding. The wedding. And then, girl, I'm gonna wear my poofy princess dress. All of that. You have thought your whole self at the age I don't even remember. I know playing with my Barbie dolls, I would say, Oh, look at my Barbie dolls. Oh, I'm gonna wear this dress. Oh, I'm going to have my daughter. I knew I was gonna have a girl. Uh another subject, another subject, but yeah, I knew I was gonna have a daughter. And did, you know, and then I'm like, oh, I'm gonna get married. And first time I get into a whole relationship, I didn't win and say, Oh, how he gonna be with me as my wife.

SPEAKER_00 7:22

Oh, how what am I gonna wear when I walk down the aisle and how is he gonna be looking at me? Then I'm at my bridesmaids, then I'm gonna be up there, and then I'm gonna have his kit.

SPEAKER_02 7:30

And girl, I didn't talk my whole self and in the relationship. Guess what? I done forgot.

SPEAKER_00 7:34

So you get so caught up in those types of things that you ignore the red flags, or you ignore just your own intuition and what you're already feeling.

SPEAKER_02 7:43

Now you know y'all went on the same page. You already know it. And then you already knew within, as I've been in relationships in my past, like I said, when my 20s and in high school and stuff, and I knew that this relationship wasn't going nowhere. But guess what? They were popular. I wanted to be uh, I was popular, so I thought, hey, why not be popular together? Knowing good well, like I said, we were not meant to be, but I made it to be because I wanted to have that glitz and glamour of what I thought that that relationship should be. Oh, he bought me this and he bought me that. Oh my god, this man loves me.

SPEAKER_00 8:26

No, that's valid.

SPEAKER_02 8:26

A dog of me, on the other hand, not answering my texts, not picking up, not calling, not anything. But because he bought me a teddy bear.

SPEAKER_00 8:38

Potential. Potential. Y'all. Ooh, we could go all day on that one. But no, that's valid because we be looking at the potential instead of the reality that is so valid. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_02 8:48

So stop doing that, right? Right. Um, because it's it's kind of like we focus too much on who they could become, who we hope they become, who we imagine they'll become. And so we put in all that time. And then when we put in all that time, what happens then at that point? We go and say, Well, since I invested all this time with this person, oh, I put all this time in. I'm all in six months, three months sometimes.

SPEAKER_00 9:19

Not three months.

SPEAKER_02 9:21

I don't even want to start over. Then we go there.

SPEAKER_00 9:27

Y'all, hold on. Because I my sorry, I wish I could see as oh my god, I'm looking at my mom dead in the eyes like girl, that that look. Y'all, we don't want to start over because we feel like we've invested too much time. Girl, mom does say after three months, we'd be like, Well, here I am.

SPEAKER_02 9:46

Girl, I said three months.

SPEAKER_00 9:48

Well, okay, I'll say a year.

SPEAKER_02 9:49

Okay, I'm not sure. I'm exaggerating, right? I'm exaggerating. However, you know, but what happens is our investment, we think for us, because remember, we are at the wedding. We've already been, we're there, you know, and I get it. I know I've been at the wedding. Girl, I've actually been dreaming about my wedding, and then I wake up and say, This man has to, you know, I'm gonna be in a relationship with him. I know this because, you know, I because I feel it inside. Girl, that's just nerves. That's just butterflies. That's not really anything that you know nerves and butterflies, but we mistake it for what?

SPEAKER_00 10:30

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:31

Real true love.

SPEAKER_00 10:32

Yeah, we do. Right, that's facts. Yep.

SPEAKER_02 10:35

And then once we now invested all this time, we got these butterflies, I mean, oh my God, moments, those aha moments. Yeah. And then we're like, you know what? I'm all in.

SPEAKER_00 10:45

I'm all in. And I don't even want to start over because and then sometimes I feel like too, we're like, oh, well, it's probably not gonna get any better than this. So I might as well just stay here. You know? I mean, that goes back to our um, yeah, anyway. Oh. Until we start to settle. Oh. Because we're norno's red flags, and we don't want to start over. Because we think we're gonna be by ourselves by ourselves and alone forever.

SPEAKER_02 11:13

Lone forever.

SPEAKER_00 11:13

Because everybody, because let's be real. Everybody thinks about the worst case scenario. Oh my god, if I don't meet somebody, I'm gonna be alone forever. I'm not gonna do this, I'm not gonna have this, da da da da da da.

SPEAKER_02 11:24

But our brain is trained to focus on the world.

SPEAKER_00 11:27

Think on the worst.

SPEAKER_02 11:28

You know, you know, here's the thing 97% of things could be right. But what we focus on is 3%, and that's the negativity of what we think in society has put upon us. So we focus on the 3% that's not right and forget about the 97% that is right, right? That's just how our brain operates. We focus on it. Focus on that. And so what we'll do is, oh my gosh, you know, even though you've had relationships in the past, they didn't work out, okay, fine, whatever. But now you to put yourself in a in a box to say, oh, I've invested too much time. I don't even want to be by myself. Yeah, nope.

SPEAKER_00 12:06

I don't want to be myself. I'm all in. I've already come this far. So why would I leave now? Oh, I've already got this far. Why would I leave? You know what? Sorry, I wanted to hit on a point too when we're talking about potential. So I think too, I think it's important to note like people obviously can change. Absolutely. You know, people can change, but we can't build a relationship on future possibilities. And I think also too, we often find ourselves, me falling in love with the idea of someone too. So I just wanted to hit on that because I was thinking, like, oh that yeah. I I I know for me, I fall in love with the idea of someone.

SPEAKER_02 12:49

Nice. So, what does that look like? Like, paint a picture real quick of you know the idea. I mean, I just want to kind of walk through that.

SPEAKER_00 12:56

Well, just like we were saying, potential, you could see this, that, and the third. So in my head, I'm like, oh my god. The idea, like you said, we're we're at the uh aisle. We're at the wedding aisle. We are, we're already walking down there. I'm already looking dead in his eyes. He's crying, I'm crying. Oh my god, and then we're laughing and we're with our family and stuff. That's the idea. So I'm in love with the idea. I don't even know if I'm in love with you.

SPEAKER_02 13:18

Wow, that part. See, I wanted you to get us to walk us through there. You don't even know if you're in love with that person. But remember, I said you got their butterflies.

SPEAKER_00 13:27

But you said like you mistake them for real. You mistake them. You mistake them because guess what?

SPEAKER_02 13:32

You done turned it off in your head, right? Those red flags that you guys argue all the time with.

SPEAKER_00 13:38

Or shoot even your own red flags, like girl.

SPEAKER_02 13:40

You don't even like them like that. You don't even like him like that. Be for real. But because he's saying the nice things, he's you know, building you up. Yes, you're like, oh, I haven't had that before. Ooh. But then you know, mentally you're thinking, man, I love the Lord, right? I am in and a believer of Jesus Christ and all of this. He's like, well, I go to church here and there.

SPEAKER_00 14:07

No, but oh my god, wait. That is such a good point. Because, oh, go ahead. Sorry.

SPEAKER_02 14:12

No, does that make sense? I go to, but the he's telling you already. I go to church here and there, and I, you know, I do, I am a believer. I believe God. I believe in God. Uh-oh. We like, well, oh, but that's okay. Now we got him. We got him. Girl, he goes to church.

SPEAKER_00 14:32

No, he don't go to church. He believes in God.

SPEAKER_02 14:34

He believes in God, right? So now we didn't say, uh-oh, check.

unknown 14:42

No, but that's bad.

SPEAKER_02 14:44

We didn't we didn't check. He goes to church. He believes God. So guess what? Red flags ignored. Ignored because ignored. Now we already know. Hey, hey.

SPEAKER_00 14:58

But are we looking for the fruit? Do we see the fruit?

SPEAKER_02 15:02

Is that true?

SPEAKER_00 15:03

But see, the magazine, that's the flags that we ignore because we're technically, like I've learned from our pastors and stuff, we look for the fruit. But because he already said, Oh, well, I believe in God, we're like, oh, okay, check. So we don't even look for the fruit. We don't look for the fruit. We ignore it. Oh, well, he said he already believes in God.

SPEAKER_02 15:19

And so now that's it. And if not, then I could get him to go to church with me once a month. Then we now start negotiating. We didn't negotiate it now because we're like, oh, okay. Well, he said he believes in God and he went to a man's group.

SPEAKER_00 15:35

But then you start to sacrifice what you believe.

SPEAKER_02 15:37

Then you go, well, maybe I don't need to be in your faith. Yeah, maybe I'm doing too much.

SPEAKER_00 15:43

So now I never relax and do go to the backflips.

SPEAKER_02 15:48

Well, since he, you know, because we have a relationship, and this means a lot to me that now I sacrifice who and what I built and what I who I am because I need to relax a little bit because I need to get on, you know, where he's at. Right? Mm-hmm. Instead of already waiting for that man to be the right one who God has ordained and prepared for you, right? And that has a, you know, yes, a believer, but has a relationship, fellowship, fellowship with God who will lead my family.

SPEAKER_00 16:30

Lead me and our family.

SPEAKER_02 16:32

Lead me and my family. Because the man is the what?

SPEAKER_00 16:36

Head.

SPEAKER_02 16:36

The head, the provider.

SPEAKER_00 16:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:39

But what we didn't got caught up with and ignored the red flags, Lord, he goes to church. Well, no, he's a believer. Oh, so maybe we could pray together. Oh, well, but you don't even know if y'all can pray together because y'all, you didn't Oh, he'll only go to church with me on the holidays. On the holidays, Lord, we didn't forgot. Lord have mercy. We don't want to start over there.

SPEAKER_00 17:03

Anyway, we don't want to start over.

SPEAKER_02 17:04

You know, and and that's the part y'all where fear will come in and it will trap you to believing the things that we've ignored, and we just walk through a whole scenario. I don't know who has been through that. I know I have, because I will ignore because I want to do what I want to do, but then I ask the Lord, oh Lord, thank you, God, for sending this person into my life. Thank you, God. Not the thank you, God, and totally forgot. Nothing. Totally forgot. You knew better. You knew better. Lord have mercy. Help us.

SPEAKER_00 17:42

Oh, but no, you do know better. But also, too, I think sometimes because we like the attention too. I know I like attention.

SPEAKER_02 17:53

Who don't?

SPEAKER_00 17:54

Who don't?

SPEAKER_02 17:57

That part. Okay, so let's dig deeper into that part. The attention. I think we all like them text messages coming. I think we all love them.

SPEAKER_00 18:09

Well, I don't like call talk on the phone. You don't, but I love a good good morning text. And oh, you like good morning, beautiful. Ooh. Unbeautiful. Ooh, I got his attention.

SPEAKER_02 18:22

And I am this girl.

SPEAKER_00 18:26

You like when somebody makes you feel desired. Desired.

unknown 18:29

Ooh.

SPEAKER_02 18:30

But we mistake that attention for love, and then we got caught up. And then guess what? Red flags, red flags, red flags are a over. We've ignored it. Because we they're down to the waist. Shut them down. Shut them down. Because guess why? Now he didn't show me attention. Now, Lord, I'm not. Oh my God.

SPEAKER_00 18:47

He texts me every morning. Oh my God, she said good morning, beautiful. Oh my God, he wants to spend time with me. He wants to hang out with me. Oh my God. I feel desired. I feel wanted. Oh, so this has to be it. This has to be. I'm in love. I'm in love.

SPEAKER_02 19:02

Girl, but then he already told you ahead of time that I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm not looking for a relationship. Cool. But then we're like, oh no, no, no. Because you know, he's saying these things, he's doing these things, but he already told you he wasn't looking for a relationship. Wait. That is so real though. No, because we can't talk about this because if it hasn't happened to us, this is literally facts.

SPEAKER_00 19:29

Because it's and again, it goes back to we think that we can change him.

SPEAKER_02 19:33

We think it's our opinion. We we think whole.

SPEAKER_00 19:36

Oh, I'm a good woman. I'ma change him.

SPEAKER_02 19:40

But remember again, attention doesn't equal commitment. It doesn't. It doesn't. No, you're right. It doesn't, attention doesn't equal love, right? It doesn't equal respect.

SPEAKER_00 19:51

It don't equal none of it. So that's good. Y'all.

SPEAKER_02 19:56

Red flags. Don't ignore them, y'all. Do not ignore them. You know, and also to, you know, I I want to take it to, you know, sometimes with a job. You know, we don't have to say with just relationship, right? No. This is with a job.

SPEAKER_00 20:08

Oh.

SPEAKER_02 20:09

Right. What? Here's the thing. You read the job description. You know I love to read a job description.

SPEAKER_00 20:14

We already know okay, hold on. My mom, you know how people sometimes just apply for jobs. Mom actually just when she was looking for one, just read the whole job description. And I'm like, wow, I really love that for you.

SPEAKER_02 20:28

Yeah, you know, when I was back in the job, you know, market back in a couple years ago.

SPEAKER_00 20:32

A couple years ago.

SPEAKER_02 20:33

I was in the job market. I would read the job description. Oh, I could see myself. And then I got onto the interview, and I'm like, ooh, this company seems because girl, listen, I have got caught up with description benefits, compensation.

SPEAKER_00 20:47

Compensation.

SPEAKER_02 20:48

Compensation.

SPEAKER_00 20:49

Compensation.

SPEAKER_02 20:50

And I'm like, ooh, good gracious almighty. I know I can see myself at this company.

unknown 20:56

Ooh.

SPEAKER_02 20:56

Lord, I get on the interview, and it is just a pony. It's just a circus, right? I already see from the conversation with just the recruiter. Ooh, this may be a long hour. I may have to work. But anywho, this compensation. But that money, right? Then I'm on the money talks. Then I'm on the interview with the hiring manager, and I'm like, oh, can I work for him? And then I'm questioning, or can I work for her? Then I'm really questioning, but I'm answering them questions. I'm ready to go. I my question is. Because again, benefits. Oh, I'm gonna have this benefit. Oh, I'm gonna have that compensation, the package that I've always wanted. Right. Oh, I'm gonna ignore. Then when they say the culture, oh we you oh wait a minute. Hmm.

SPEAKER_00 21:45

Because I think sometimes we get so caught up in what, like you just said, the benefits, the compensation, all the glitz and glamour that when we're in the interview, okay, yeah, you may be feeling like a check. Like this, I don't know if I really feel like a connection, but the money's talking. So it's a matter of but I ignore it. But ignore it. I'm ignoring it. Because, like, I think there's more to jobs than other than, of course, oh, those are great things. The benefits of conversation, this and the thing. Oh, it's love. We also have to think about too, like, okay, can we work with the person that we're interviewing with, which is most likely the hiring manager, your manager who you'd be reporting to, or whatever the case may be. So, can you work with them? Okay, what does the culture seem like? What are they saying? How is their vibe? Okay, do they work long hours? Because sometimes I feel like sometimes it's better to just stay where you're at. Stay where you're at rather than settling or going somewhere else where you don't feel like you'll, you know.

SPEAKER_02 22:34

And here's the thing: I've always learned, and I know God has always provided, and this is the thing that I've learned. You can't chase money. You can. Don't chase the money. Money will follow. You do the right thing, operate with God, following his will for you, and then the money will come to you, right? You don't even, you know, don't chase the money, but be very when those kind of little just warning signs come up. Those little red flags, right? They're real. They're real. No, they're real. Don't ignore them. Just kind of continuously ask the Holy Spirit to lead you. Right. But don't ignore them, honey, because they are there. They are there. And if you don't have peace, then you don't move forward. It don't do it. It's always operating off of peace. Yep. So I said that to say every situation. Any situation. It doesn't matter. Follow peace. Yep. Because money will come to you. And money talks. Like, let's be real.

SPEAKER_00 23:33

Like it does. It real it talks real well.

SPEAKER_02 23:36

Here's the thing. Like I said, two years ago, I would read that compensation. I'm ready to even already start. But then I get onto them interviews and I'm like, oh, I don't know about this. But oh well, you know, let me see if I move to the next round and still pursuing it. And then sometimes because I'm still pursuing it, it won't happen because it's not meant for me to walk into it. Facts. So sometimes that door will be closed and you ain't even got to do nothing about it. But let's get back to it. That is one of the red flags. I'm not saying that it just has to be with relationship, right? It could be in your jobs, right?

SPEAKER_00 24:14

No, that's facts. And I 100% agree too that sometimes we can miss the red flags because, like, ooh, we do. That sounds so good.

SPEAKER_02 24:21

We hyper focused on the reward and the benefits. That's it. And not hyperfocused on how we feel the peace within us. So we'll start to settling and then we'll act like, okay, oh, love. They love me, but we didn't got that all wrong. Yeah, and I think they showed us attention.

SPEAKER_00 24:42

Because they showed us attention. But that's facts.

SPEAKER_02 24:46

Girl, even if somebody you know go ahead. Go ahead. No, go ahead. Go ahead with your point. Because I was just about to say that. You know, when you're just sitting at the restaurant or something, and someone comes up to you and they're like, hey, how are you? You know, just conversation. But someone just showed you that attention, right? Oh, maybe he's gonna call me. And oh, I can see us being in a relationship. It is what it is. It's a friendship. It's someone just being nice.

SPEAKER_00 25:13

Nice and kind. Take it for what it is.

SPEAKER_02 25:15

Take it for what it is.

SPEAKER_00 25:17

And like um we said in the beginning, is take it for the reality. Like, what's the reality?

SPEAKER_02 25:21

What's the reality? He just was being kind.

SPEAKER_00 25:24

Kind.

SPEAKER_02 25:24

Why can't people be nice? If he wanted to buy your dinner, whatever the case may be, people wants to be kind. If he wants to pursue you, he will pursue you the right way.

SPEAKER_00 25:34

Yeah, like just like, for example, like mom and I were at breakfast one time. Oh yeah, we were at breakfast one time, and this um guy, we were like, I think we were, it was just whatever. Yeah, yeah. And then this guy, he was like sitting like kind of near us, but like whatever. And then we were just kind of like la la la. We talked to him a little few times, but really was like whatever, you know? And then the waitress comes up to and he leaves, and you know, whatever. And so then the waitress is like, okay, well, you guys are all set. We would be like, well, where's the bill? And he she was like, Oh, the gentleman take took care of it. We said what? What did we do? See, my point is we could have easily taken that, oh my god, he wants us. Oh my god, he wants my number. Oh my god, that but no, it's like, why can't people be kind?

SPEAKER_02 26:18

Kind. But you know, just even if you are in a relationship, seriously, yeah, or you are dating this person for three months, date them, get to know them, let them pursue you, allow them to know and understand. And if you don't, if you have already not peace, kind of just back up a little bit, kind of just take a step back just to ensure that you are really in this. They are the person for you. This God has put this person into your life that it really is just the one, right? Yeah. I think you can know a person, I think you can tell if a person is truly someone that you can spend the rest of the life. I told you, like when in my past relationship, um, you know, we dated the uh person, you know, that my ex was pursuing me, he was consistent, and you know, I knew from our second date that I was gonna be with this person for a long time.

SPEAKER_00 27:20

That's really crazy. I knew that'd be mind-blowing.

SPEAKER_02 27:23

And you know, but you know, always, like we said, look for the fruit of a person because people can tell you lip service is one thing, actions is a whole nother thing. Actions speak louder than words, and yeah, and when you kind of think about it, don't think that you can come up here like we said, build a bear or fix a person, right?

SPEAKER_00 27:42

Be a fixer upper, you know, like the shows on H E T V. Uh-uh. Yeah. That's not we're we're not designed to fix somebody up, though. They are designed to be ready for us than all we are to receive. Of course, we can grow together, and of course this, that, and the third, but also too, but it that's God's job. That is, and why are we gonna take his job?

SPEAKER_02 28:00

Right. And then we kind of want to say, you know, well, I could fix this person to be who I need them to be. Or I can dress him to now.

SPEAKER_00 28:08

No, I do believe that women have influence. I do to help them come up in that way. Like I said, we do like women, we're supposed to be men's cheerleader supporters and whatever the case may be. Well, that's just what I've learned from what I hear. But that's what we're supposed to do, which is fine. Yes, we are. Because sometimes they need that extra. We need it.

SPEAKER_02 28:31

They need that rah-rah. Yeah, we are, but what sometimes we mistake ourselves is we push so hard that we become somebody's savior.

SPEAKER_00 28:38

Now, you're not supposed to be somebody's savior, somebody mama, or they mama.

SPEAKER_02 28:43

Now, though, do you do you see the difference? Yeah, we are to cheerlead and we are to push our man. We are to be that supportive. I like that.

SPEAKER_00 28:51

We're not supposed to, we're not meant to be somebody's savior.

SPEAKER_02 28:53

We're not meant to be someone's savior. So that is where I think a couple red flags come in. We think we can fix people to become who we want them to be so we can save them. But that's not your job.

SPEAKER_00 29:13

That's not our job. Who already saved us?

SPEAKER_02 29:16

Jesus saved us. Your job is to be supportive and encourager and a cheerleader, not somebody's savior. That's not we weren't designed to do that. Right? Facts. You know, that's God's job. So remember that God's job. So if another red flag, you feel like you're doing a lot, you are.

SPEAKER_00 29:41

No, seriously. And I think too, like, let's not ignore our intuition, let's not ignore, you know, that consciousness because that like, yeah, that conscious. Yeah, that conscious. Because the Lord gives us that. The Holy Spirit speaks to us, so we know which way to go.

SPEAKER_02 30:00

Yeah, you do. We do.

SPEAKER_00 30:02

We but we also too know, like mom just said, follow if we don't feel this leading or anything or anything like that. Follow peace. Follow peace. Always. That's it. And use good judgment.

SPEAKER_02 30:14

It's simple. It it doesn't.

SPEAKER_00 30:15

If it feels like, okay, this off, follow it.

SPEAKER_02 30:19

Follow it, you know, and you want it so bad, though. I get it. I do. I really get it though. I honest to God get that we want it so bad because we feel that we deserve it. We feel that we want it like this is what we've been uh wanting for our whole life. We wanted this person in our life, but at what cost? And what sacrifice? At what cost? What cost is it that you have to because you want this for yourself so bad that you turn you turn you tune out your own intuition. You can't even trust your own self anymore, right? Because you want it so bad, you you you just can't even explain it that you don't even listen to your own conscience sometimes.

SPEAKER_00 31:06

You don't, you don't, you don't, and your conscience is there to safeguard you.

SPEAKER_02 31:10

Yeah, and yeah, now that's good. That's good. So, y'all, I know I've been, I, I know, I know, I know, I know, because we do want things so bad. We want relationships to work out.

SPEAKER_00 31:23

And we always just want to see the best in people.

SPEAKER_02 31:25

We want to see the best in people, and it's okay, yeah. But honey, honey, let's not ignore those red flags, those cautions. You know, when your lights turn on in your car, there is malfunctioning happening, right? We sometimes look at those yellows.

SPEAKER_00 31:41

Oh, wait, hold on. That is a great point. We see them little emojis growing up gang sizing the car, uh, you know, like mom, that check engine light. Yeah, that check engine light. Okay, we have that's what that consciousness, no, that's what the Holy Spirit does. He gives us a consciousness, and that makes revelation to us.

SPEAKER_02 31:57

But yes, but we can continuously ride around with that check engine, but at some point it's gonna give out, right? So then once we mom, make do it. Say it again. Do you feel what I'm saying? What happens is it's just like when we look at the dashboard on our car, we have those signs to say, oh, your oil needs change, oh, your transmission floor needs change. Oh, you need your brake fits, you need to get your brake flicks. It's kind of whatever the is showing you something needs attention, and sometimes we got to check into our spirit. Ooh, check in with the Holy Spirit. Because something needs attention. There's something off, there's something off, something's not adding up. I just can't get a read on it. But continuously pray in the Holy Spirit. That's what you know we hear from our pastors, those devotionals we listen to. Start praying, start asking God because you kind of feel it. Those are signs and warnings kind of that you just need attention. It needs attention and you need to listen and address that attention. You need to address it because then eventually, if you keep riding like that and ignoring those red signs, it's going to fit out. It's gonna be. And then you kind of say, Well, what happened? Oh, three months ago, those lights were going off, but I ignored those lights because I kind of said, Let me see how far I can get along. That's what I mean. Let me see how far.

SPEAKER_00 33:36

How far can I get along?

SPEAKER_02 33:37

How how far? Let me keep pushing. Let me keep pushing. Let me see, because I love this relationship. I love the idea of this relationship, so I'm gonna keep going. Or whatever the case may be, honey. When them flags start coming.

SPEAKER_00 33:48

When them flags start coming, listen to it. Check it, check it out.

SPEAKER_02 33:52

Check it out.

SPEAKER_00 33:53

Check engine light.

SPEAKER_02 33:55

Do you like this podcast? Check engine light. Because they it's a warning, honey. It's a warning. Don't ignore it. But welcome to welcome to red flag ignoring. Athena's done it. Deja's done it several times. Millions of times. So let's not, you know, because I know I ignore it.

SPEAKER_00 34:14

And like we said, it's not even in relationship-wise, either. We're talking about career, uh, whatever the case may be. Listen, friendships, whatever the case may be.

SPEAKER_02 34:24

Whatever. Red light comes on, check, check engine.

SPEAKER_00 34:28

Even the yellow flag. That means proceed with caution.

SPEAKER_02 34:32

Proceed with caution. Period.

SPEAKER_00 34:36

Sometimes we all gas no breaks.

SPEAKER_02 34:39

And we can't even figure it out. Because why? We want it so bad. So bad.

SPEAKER_00 34:43

And we ignore them red flags.

SPEAKER_02 34:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:45

So y'all. Sorry, y'all. We could go all day on this one, but we just wanted to come on here and be like, okay, red flags.

SPEAKER_02 34:54

You know, so you know, one of the things we want to, and like we said, kind of paying attention, listening to your to the Holy Spirit, love, allowing the Holy Spirit to guide. We know that these red flags have presented themselves. They probably presenting themselves now. If they are, you know, just you know, kind of start checking in. That's it. You know, checking in with the Holy Spirit, start speaking, you know, to the Holy Spirit, praying for revelation. Kind of, you know, and if you feel peace, and if you feel peace, okay, continue to move forward. That's it. Because you didn't now felt the peace of God, right? But if you don't have peace about a situation that gotta keep going, you there's something, you know, there's something that you need to continuously seek God for, right? And again, if you're not hearing from Him, right, just use good judgment. Kind of always remembering you're always listening for peace. Because peace You always follow peace. You follow it, right? Um, you know, one of the things, you know, we kind of like, okay, what do you deal with? I think we wanted to kind of bring back uh, you know, a feedback question or kind of, you know, what is it that you might ask yourself?

SPEAKER_00 36:05

Like, yeah, like so what is a red flag you've ignored that has taught you a valuable lesson? So, y'all, y'all should think and ponder on that. The question is what's a red flag you ignored that taught you a valuable lesson? And y'all, we want to hear. Y'all, we want to hear. I like that. I like that.

SPEAKER_02 36:26

Yeah, give us your feedback. Comment on wherever you give us y'all answer to that question.

SPEAKER_00 36:30

Yeah, give us a DM us. You want to see email at mommy Scoop at gmail.com. Email, I mean Instagram mom and me scoop.

SPEAKER_02 36:38

Yeah. And also, too, we love to just hear, you know, how have you been enjoying our podcast? Yes, love feedback. You know, love feedback, reviews. Leave us a review, leave us a review on the podcast, whichever streaming uh appear platform platform. You know, I call it an app, platform.

SPEAKER_01 36:55

She don't know.

SPEAKER_02 36:56

But I'm trying to promote that, you know. We want to hear from you. What are your thoughts? You know, if we need to change, we always we don't, we don't, you know, kind of gatekeep. Listen, if you have something to say, gatekeep. You know, if you know, I feel like sometimes, you know, if you have something to say, whether good or bad, we're always striving to do and we want to grow. We want to continuously grow, right? Y'all, we can go in this all day, but um, let me leave you. We want to leave you with this final scripture, which is Proverbs 4, verse 23. Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.

SPEAKER_00 37:40

Love that.

SPEAKER_02 37:41

It says guarding your heart doesn't mean becoming hard, it means becoming wise. Like we said, follow wisdom, follow wisdom, follow peace. Y'all, until next time. See ya. Bye.