Are you confusing your capability with your capacity? A chat with Kitty Kistler | Ep 6

Don't miss this candid chat that dives into the ABC's of becoming a happier human with Kitty Kistler.

Kitty has been around the block a time or two in coaching busy women to take a closer look at who they are and where they are going.

As a speaker and advocate,  her fresh perspective on capabilities vs capacity and how that relates to the clutter in our every day lives, is sure to have you taking a step back ( or pulling the arrow back as she says ) so you can "unleash your power" and create more ease in your life.

Visit her website to grab all her resources and take her Time Boss quiz to get started down the path to  " stepping into the full expression of who you are and refusing to settle for anything less. "

https://www.kittykistler.com/

If you’re ready to embrace your space, hit subscribe so you don't miss an episode.

Want to stay in touch , dive deeper, and take action towards living with less clutter and more you?

Connect with Maggie: 

• Get into action- Download your Free Decluttering Checklist https://www.chesterfieldorganizingco.com/declutteringchecklist

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• Website: https://www.chesterfieldorganizingco.com/

Transcript

Mind Your Clutter : 

Season 1 Episode 6 - Your Capability vs Capacity with Kitty Kistler

Maggie: [00:00:00] Welcome back to Mind Your Clutter. Today we have Kitty Kissler on, joining us from Pittsburgh. And a little side note about me is that I grew up in Pittsburgh, so Kitty and I go way back because we're cousins and, and so I am so excited to share. Her message, um, and her laughter, because I am sure you'll hear some of that through this podcast.

Um, but also her genuine passion for helping you and me, and. All people around us in becoming happier, kinder humans. And that is Kitty's message, and that is what she's here to share with us today. And immediately you might say, well, this is a really weird [00:01:00] topic to talk about about clutter. You know, isn't this a podcast about how I can organize my home and let the clutter go?

But as. I talked about in previous episodes, we are dealing with multiple forms of clutter in our every day. It is not just the physical clutter. And so when you are listening to Kitty talk, I want you to think about, yes, this does apply to your physical items in your space. Where else can you apply this?

Is it your emotional clutter? Is it your digital clutter? Is it your commitment clutter? So go a little bit deeper when you're thinking and you're listening to Kitty, and apply that to your personal life and what season you are in right now, because I promise you, you too can become a happier human [00:02:00] just from this conversation.

So Kitty, welcome. Give us a little background about how you even got to this point. You know, how did you realize that creating this movement of happier humans was speaking to you? 

Kitty: I think it's just a lot of life happened, right? So, I like what you said about our, everybody just kind of having a different season in life.

And so, at the time that I started, so again, I'm in Pittsburgh, um, the place known for seasons. So we literally, we go through all four of them, but um, but about eight years ago, I was on the second wave of babies in the house and life was kind of chaotic and um, I just was unsatisfied with where I was. So I left corporate America was, you know, baby stages are hard.

I, I don't [00:03:00] care what anybody tells you. That's such a hard stage and it feels kind of isolating and so, I just went out there and started thinking like, I'm gonna take on some side gigs and like just meet some people and, and do some things. And it always came back to, it didn't matter what product or thing I was trying to promote for someone, it came back to how they were inside and that there was always something lacking, right.

: And it made me take a really good, hard look at my own life and sort of start to put the pieces in place and, and build that puzzle and just say like, Yeah, th this doesn't feel right. So what can I do to make it feel better? Um, and then just talking about it with people, it kind of sparked this, I wanna do that too, sort of sentiment.

And then people started coming on board and that's how I started connecting. So I've been life coaching for almost eight years now. , And really just helping other people to learn who they are at their core. [00:04:00] And that's ultimately the goal. And to know your values, what you stand for. And when you do that, then you go out there and you serve the world in the same capacity.

So it's, it's really hard for us to be an angry person and kind to others. But it's really hard for us to be a very kind person and angry toward others. Mm-hmm. So for me, it's about us realizing that all of that is something that we're dealing with. How we project it onto others is something that we're dealing with.

And so if I can reflect that back to them and mirror that back to someone and say, Hey, did you take a look at this? Oftentimes they're like, no, I was hurt, or I was grieving, or I was in pain in some way. And the negative emotions start to go away over time and then the positives start to come in.

So, so how I got started, it was really, I was just on my own journey and. We ended up just trying to start a movement to help others to, uh, to feel that, that connection to themself so that they can be a better community of people. Individual [00:05:00] impact.

I love it. 

You know, for bigger change. 

 It's, and it starts with you and when I'm working with someone, whether in person, sessions or my online group, you know, it's what am, what do I do with the people around me and it's.

That's not the answer. The answer is you do need to start with yourself. Yes. So, kitty, I know you have, , actionable steps and a process that, I would love for the listeners to hear and find a way Yeah. For them to apply that again. In terms of physical space and all things, wherever clutter is showing up in their lives, in, in different forms.

So talk to us about the ABCs and A, B, CS and beyond. 

Kitty: Um, yeah, so there, there really are, they are actionable steps. When I say them, people tend to retract a bit and think like, that sounds really hard. Mm-hmm. Sounds really hard. 

Action is the hardest part sometimes.

[00:06:00] That is, it's getting that, it's getting that momentum and moving forward.

And uh, 

and I'm excited to talk about the whole organizing, declutter, all of that conversation because this fits so well into it and it's something that is so relatable. So this is such a relatable topic. Mm-hmm. And is something that I helped. Coach people, you know, a decade ago. And it was just to, to bring them to this understanding, this realization that it is, it's what's going on in your world, that season of life that you're in.

Uh, and when I started. And ironically, I guess, but when I started, I, you know, again, babies. So I built my business with children climbing on top of me. Um, I hard conversations, trying to coach people through with, I had children painting my toenails, you know, just to keep them occupied. While I was doing this and around me was the kind of the hell storm of what a house looks like when you're trying to balance everything else.

Um, and so it was like, [00:07:00] here I am talking about it, but like here it is. And that's the reality of it though, is that sometimes we're just in it now. My routine is so different. Everyone is in school. Everyone, everyone leaves me, you know, to my own thing. So I can work in, in kind of a silence or a piece and it's just different.

And even that took some adjusting to get used to, you know, even that took me for not rushing all the time or trying to do. Um, so when, when I talk about things, it, it comes back to awareness and then beliefs. And then this idea of capacity versus capability, but the overarching umbrella is self-acceptance and just really getting real with who you are and where you are.

In this season because the season is going to change and it's inevitable that there's another thing coming, right? So, um, so when we go through the process of doing it, it's kind of a backwards motion and it's, it's pulling that arrow backwards so that when you are ready, you're going to, you're just gonna go and everything is going to [00:08:00] align.

You've got your target ahead of you. And life feels good. Yes, it's easy, right? That's ultimately the goal. And I think the goal for most people is ease and comfort and freedom and isn't that self-acceptance? Like, if you don't like this, then it's never gonna be easy, no matter where you are.

Maggie: It's just, and a lot of times, right? A lot of times that means slowing down. In the present so that the future you can experience that ease and that is hard for a lot of people, is to take that pause, go inward. Yeah. So that the next steps are easier. And I see that all the time. I mean, people will call. Or they'll start the journey and they don't, they're thinking they're just going to organize their kitchen cabinets and clean out a closet, and then the emotions come up and they start to become self-aware.

, what were the decisions that they were making? [00:09:00] And I know we're gonna get into that too, but Yeah. What all of a sudden it's like, oh my gosh, I didn't realize this about me, but it is here and it is in front of me, and now I need to address that so that I can move on and experience the ease down the road in the future.

Yeah. And get there. Yeah. Yeah. 

Kitty: So one thing that I tell my clients about decisions, right? So the decision that you make today could be a very easy one. The thing is that doesn't mean that it is an easy consequence or situation or down the road. That doesn't mean that that is an easy outcome for you. If the decision is hard today, I mean, that doesn't guarantee it'll be easier either.

But if the decision is hard today, it will become an easier. Outcome. So when we look at the inner healing journey, that's a hard decision for people to make because it's scary, it's uncharted territory, it's looking at a lot. It's self-examination. Cuz we are really kind of [00:10:00] raised in a society that is self projection.

Mm-hmm. We will put all of our stuff on other people and make it their fault. And then when we're told it really is our fault, it's hard to examine that. So then it feels like all of that stuff comes up. The shame, the guilt, the blame, the, you know, all the negative emotions start to, to play their role. And that tells us something about ourselves.

We we're like, we don't like that. Right? Like, nobody wants to think that they're a bad person, which they're not. It's just that we have all of this stuff, all this clutter, all of this chaos in our brains. So when we're making those decisions, we do have to, we do have to decide, do I want this to be easy right now?

And I don't know what happens next or do I want this to be a little bit more difficult so that it, it becomes the way it's supposed to be. And even if that's not mental, that happens with the purge, right? Like the things that happen in our lives when we are, have to take the whole closet and just do with it what we will [00:11:00] like, that's even the physical clutter has to go through a harder process mm-hmm.

Maggie: For that end result. Yeah. For for sure. It's hard. 

So we kind of skipped from A to D, but let's, we did. Yeah. But I'm really, I'm, I'm good at that. Um, so let's, let's go, let's go back to that self-awareness. So after you, we do go in inside and we do become self-aware. Um, do you, for that process alone, do you have any.

Starting points, you know, where does someone, if they're saying, okay, this is what I have to do, where do they even begin? Where do I start? Yeah. So I think that the whole thing is to, to hear it through. And then there are some very simple things we can do, but we didn't really skip to the d the, the, the decision part of it is, Is where everybody wants to be, right?

Mm-hmm. That's the easy part. That's, I wanna make a decision on what this is gonna do next. [00:12:00] But when you even said at the beginning, like, there's this larger picture, this bigger picture that we have to, it's pulling that arrow back and it's really saying, okay, what do I have to do first? So this is maybe the best example , but, but it will help to when we have a wound, On the skin or on the surface.

And I just did this yesterday. So when, when you cut yourself or it's something pretty simple, the first instinct is I am going to clean that and bandage it. Right? And then, I mean, the assumption is that wasn't very bad. So it'll go away in a couple of days, and I'll probably never even think about this.

Injury again, unless I'm doing something similar and it happens, but, but for the most part of our lives, like we do that, we, we bandage the problem, we fix the problem, and the problem heals and then it moves on, right? And, and our bodies heal and all of those things. And so sometimes though we take the bandage off and underneath that, it's not healing.

[00:13:00] And the problem is still there and you're thinking, I don't understand. That is literally awareness. Okay, so now we have to say, okay, I have to be very aware of how did I get this? What have I been doing to treat this and have I been doing anything? And what's the next step? Right? So this is now where we say, oh, this isn't good.

This should have healed. And it's not, is it, is it my body? Is it the reaction to something that I put on the skin? Or was it from the wound to begin with? Um, Who do I call in to help, right? So now we get to evaluate from a different perspective. Here's some self help that I can do, and then what's next?

It's kind of the same with a bruise. Like we've often gotten bruises and then we're like, where did that even, where did that even come from? Right? So if you're gonna continuously get the same bruise, You're like, there's obviously something that I'm, I'm hitting my leg off of her. I need to, I need to correct that problem.

Um, you know, and then somebody said to me once, it's kind of like when you bite [00:14:00] your tongue and you keep biting your tongue for like a week, you're very aware of your tongue. Yes. So in the beginning, you are going to be hyper aware. You're gonna have to take note of almost everything. Suddenly your self-awareness is like the only awareness that you have, and you're just always thinking about yourself, which we're told isn't healthy.

Don't just think about yourself. Right. But then also told, take care of yourself. It's very confusing. So true. So when you start to recognize that those patterns that you have, that you're like, okay, let me take, let me stop right now and just take a look around. Um, I've got a basket of clothes sitting over here, or I have a pile of papers that that need done over here that brings you to the present.

Right. And in that present moment you think, Wow, this place is trashed. This is a disaster. So that's already starting you off in this negative note that is like, I, I need to get better at [00:15:00] this. I am being lazy or I'm a hot mess. How much do we hear? People tell us what we are. We have a label for everything.

So you're too lazy to do this. You're very disorganized, you're terrible at time management. Your life management skills are, are awful. Uh, you are a hot mess or you're way too spontaneous. You need to, you know, you need to have structure and routine structure and routine time management. All of those things will work for the person who has just like a cut on their hand that needs a bandaid.

That's when you can bring in a solution that is just some clear bins and some labels, and we say, here, put it like this, and that person's like, yes, this is the thing I needed. This is, this makes it easy. This makes sense. All the other stuff is coming together, but for the person who has something festering under that bandaid, those simple solutions are only going to cause more problems.

Because now they have to either take everything out to put into bins. You're starting in the middle of the process, right? [00:16:00] Mm-hmm. Like you, you have no idea how that's even gonna look for you down the road. You have no idea where this is going. You can't visualize. So if you stop in this moment and you visualize what it's supposed to look like, what it's supposed to feel like, then you can start to be very aware of the things that are around you.

So not only just your self-awareness. Do I have too much stuff and why do I have this stuff? You know? Um, kind of like weight, we hold onto things. The way we hold onto weight when we experience trauma. So, and trauma doesn't have to be massive physical violence. It just could be a very simple thing that has traumatized us in some way that our body is like, no, that is unsafe.

It's not safe to give this up because I'm grieving. If I let go of these items, I lose the memory of the person, right. That is a trauma to us. Mm-hmm. That grief is a trauma. So when we are stopping and we are evaluating the situation, we become aware of that. Then we're allowed to ask ourselves questions.

And we're allowed to say, why am I holding this? [00:17:00] Why do I think this is the memory of that person? Like, I have the memory of that person. But also this is a great time for people like you, the professionals, the coaches, the, the organizing, you know, the therapists, all of the people that do this work. This is where it's important to pick up.

You know, the phone or to message and say, help me, ask myself better questions, or help me guide myself through this. Because yeah, I could do it, but I'm not, I don't know how. Right. And, and obviously those things haven't been happening. Mm-hmm. And so when we're in this present moment and we're trying to find the awareness in it, if you stay present, you are going to release the anxiety around it.

Here's the thing that a lot of people don't understand, but it makes sense when you think about it, is that the anxiety is only gonna come from a past experience that we're trying somehow to reconcile or from a future worry that [00:18:00] we don't even know is ever gonna happen. And if it does happen, it might not happen anywhere close to what we thought.

So we are worried about something that we have zero control over or worried about something that we cannot even change. It's already done. It's happened. So what we do is we carry over. Regret, shame, blame, um, anger. All of those things are symptoms of things that we've carried over from this wound that happened in the past.

And then we tried to manifest it in our physical moments, in our present moments and say, um, well, you know, I was mad because my financial situation was crap, so now I'm gonna fill my house with things that make me feel. Better. I can look at it and now I know I can afford this. Um, but why is that making you feel better?

Or does it make you feel like you've kept up with something or you've met a goal? You know, so not to go too far down that, but it's bringing yourself to the present and just being able to say, , I [00:19:00] can release anxiety if I stay right here, because if I stay right here, I can see I've got clutter that needs attention.

I've got, you know, some mental things that maybe are, are coming up for me right now. But when we do that, and when we stay in this moment, then we're able to visualize what we want it, where we want it to go., and that's really the, ultimately the, the end goal, right? Is how do I get outta here?

So if you're in a season where, In that moment, there's four kids running through the room and they're just knocking stuff over. You have to realize and recognize that a perfect house isn't gonna be for you. It just can't be, it's not gonna work. 

This is all so, so good, and I, I think the power is in the questions, and most of the time when I am working with someone, I'm asking questions that they never actually thought of.

So if you're listening to this, I think one question you can go ahead and start with. Is if you are looking at your physical clutter, is it there [00:20:00] in your life and is it connected to something in the past or your worry in the future? Or is it representing you and your needs and your passions and your likes?

And what's bringing you happiness right now? Yeah. And so I think if after this, if you do anything and you just take a little tour of your home and start to think about is this past, present, or future, that question alone is really gonna be eye-opening and start that self-awareness process. So I think that that wound, that's a great example to start with, um, and a really good.

Jumping point for this process. Okay, so we've, yeah, we've done awareness, right? So now we're, yeah, so awareness. We're hyper aware now. We're like, we can't unsee. Right. And even if you're not, right, so even if you're not hyper aware, but you're starting to get little [00:21:00] hints, um, of, you know, just even if you're just aware of your emotion, right?

Like, this is how I feel right now. I'm gonna check in every hour and ask myself how I feel. Um, which sounds crazy, but I had somebody say that. I had a coach a couple of years ago that I was like, I just can't seem to do this one thing. And they were like, okay, at the 20 of every hour, You need to stop and ask yourself, check in with yourself.

And I was like, that sounds crazy. But, so I did it and what I did was, you know, you reset it every because you can just repeat the alarm. So I just did it for every hour. And I only did it for a couple of days, to be honest, cuz it was getting annoying. But when you, when you know that you need to constantly check back in with yourself, you're going to then start doing it.

Yeah. The, we try to avoid it too much, right? Because here's where the B comes in. When you, um, when you become self-aware, when you, you have to hear the things that have been said in your brain. And then you have to decide if you've said those things or someone else has said those things. 

So the awareness is [00:22:00] great, but now you gotta figure out why you believe the things that are being said and fed into your brain.

And so if any of my clear the Clutter Academy current students or graduates, they're probably recognizing this B belief part goes along with the first step of the coco organized process of clearing out those thoughts and the beliefs.

That are making you hold onto something. I mean, it can be as simple as, yeah. Um, you know, you're the oldest one in the family. It is your responsibility to take this on and whatever it, but it is, and you hold that and you hold the weight of it. And your decisions based on these beliefs.

So, totally right there with you on this. And I can see that showing up. Yeah. In a lot of, a lot of people's minds and in their homes for sure. 

And so, yeah, it's really important for us to understand where that [00:23:00] comes from. And so when people say, well, you can't constantly be looking in the past, right?

It's hard to go back there, but it's like pulling the arrow back. So that when you get back that whole way, you can go, oh, that's where it came from. And then you snap that arrow and off it goes, and suddenly you're like, you're free of that thinking. You don't have to be that person anymore because that doesn't, it doesn't serve you.

You can release all of that and, and you now you can say, oh, you know what? I like to be surrounded by stuff. I don't have to be surrounded by chaos. A whole different level that we can be. Yes, there is a balance

. , that's a lifelong journey of finding that balance and trying out, you know, what's too much, what's too little, what's feels right for you in your space. And it, it might be baby steps and it might be big leaps, but it is all still a process that. Is going to evolve and change Yeah. [00:24:00] Throughout your journey and into the different seasons of life. For sure.

 It does change. It does, it does evolve over time. And it feels easier. It feels like it, it can, it can be a. Maneuverable function, right? 

 where I am right now and where you are right now and what our calendars are allowing for or not allowing for. What are spaces, like, what is the stuff that I can have in my home right now versus this stuff that this does not make sense?

Like, yeah, what, what is my capacity? Right? And that kitty is, I think the message that really. Is such a fresh perspective on where we start in getting to the, that next step of ease and bridging the self-awareness [00:25:00] in, into what capacity we have at hand. Let's talk about that because I think.

Capacity is not a word that's used enough in our daily lives, and we skip right over it. Yeah. And our beliefs tell us that we are maybe capable and have the capacity for some something, but now that we are tying those beliefs and the self-awareness together, that allows us to really dive in and say, oh my goodness.

Yep. I do not have the capacity for this. Whether it is. A level of physical clutter, mental clutter. Right. I know like my journey currently in this season is figuring out the capacity of commitments and where I am allowing time and space and you know, even people into my life. Like what is that capacity?

Yeah. To make sure that. I, I am also [00:26:00] at ease. Yeah. Right. And we're just, all of a sudden we're back to square one. But um, yeah, if you want to be the rockstar then you become the person with the healthiest boundaries in the room and the healthiest boundaries are gonna come naturally out of the ability to determine.

Kitty: Capacity versus capability, and we were raised and still live in a society that lets us know that if we're capable of something, we should be doing it. You have the ability, you need to go do it. Um, that's not true though. 

Maggie: It's so refreshing to hear that. for anybody who's listening?

This is your permission. Okay. Yes. Kitty is here to tell you. That what you are capable of Yes. Does not equal your capacity, 

Kitty: correct? 

Maggie: Yes. And you might not listen, so you wanna do it. Like the question that I always ask when somebody says that they don't [00:27:00] have the, they're capable of doing it, they don't have the capacity for it, then my next question is automatically, do you want to do it?

Usually they're like, I, I have to. I mean, sometimes it's cooking and you're like, I ha I have to, um, But they don't wanna be a chef, right? You, you want to be able to just cook, to get through the day, to feed yourself, to nourish your body. Um, some people are like, oh, I have, I have full capability of being able to run and operate this particular business.

Do you want to. I don't want to Well, that's your capacity telling you very easily. I actually don't wanna do that thing. Right. The other part is, we all deal with something. It's the seasons, it's, you know, maybe it is adhd, maybe it is executive function, maybe it is a physical impairment or mental, emotional grief.

All of those things hit us at different times. They hit us at different seasons in life. Um, some of them have the ability to creep back up. I mean, have been still dealing with three years of the world coming at us in a way that we are just [00:28:00] unused to, um, and we're more connected and disconnected at the same time.

That adds all of that stress adds into our capacity. And so we're now at a time where we're starting to reemerge, go back out into the world and people are expecting capability to be back on the table. 

 when we can get to that level of a healthy boundary by accepting where we are in our, in our own lives and saying like, it's just not gonna work for me right now, that's a very honest, out, you're not lying to anyone and you can follow it up with a very simple, I can't do this for you right now because I can't give it the attention that it needs for the outcome that you are looking for.

So it's very easy for us to be able to say, I would love to do that. If the situation was different, but right now, I mean, we're into summer, you know, that's hard for some people because their kids are at home now. Or it could be, well, we're college searching or we're [00:29:00] moving our child to college.

That's a lot of emotional Okay. Chaos going on too. And that there's a lot of pieces of it. So you have to get real with yourself so that you can say to the world, like, I am going to show up and I'm just not showing up in that way. Um, and the things that you have done, Look at all the people who start, you know, they have friendships from the time their kids are little, but once everybody starts getting busy and doing things, you're like, I should be a better friend to them.

Sure. You know? But do you have the capacity to keep up with all of these friendships, turn it around for a second and ask yourself, are they keeping up? Because we're all just trying to survive. Right. And so the, the people who are thriving in this world are the ones that say, I accept that I can't do it all.

I just have to accept it. And when we start with boundaries from the very beginning and we say, Nope, I'm, I'm not letting more stuff into my house. It's kind of like what they tell you when you're doing a finance budget.

They're like, don't cut out everything all at once. If you [00:30:00] start cutting things out, you cut yourself off and then suddenly you're like, I feel like I can't afford anything. I feel like I've done bad things. Right? So it's just taking and looking at the things that are worthy, that are serving you, that are doing good things.

So when you put up boundaries right away, you're like, I'm not bringing more stuff into my house. Well, now you're just like, I can't shop for anything. I can't look at stuff. Right. You've cut yourself off. If we just set up a fence, Around our priority house and in that fence was a little gate where you could say, Hey, my gate is open.

You can come on in, you can be in my yard, . But right now, the door to my house is closed because the people inside the things that are inside of this house are the things that matter the most. Mm-hmm. And I have to protect that, you know? And then it's a beautiful visual.

I love that. Good. I'm glad that helps. So, yeah, so then it, it's not, I'm not shutting you out. I'm just saying right now. This just isn't where you can be because this is where I have to be. And then [00:31:00] when that door is open, obviously people can come in and out. So it's really just about setting up those parameters in your life and being okay, giving yourself the permission to say, yeah, here I am.

Like I'm gonna stand up and tell you that you are not gonna get the best out of me if I do this, if I'm the last resort and you absolutely need me. Sure. But you're gonna get it at my. Capacity not my capability, which is a huge difference, right? Mm-hmm. You know? Yeah. And I'm sure most of us could climb a mountain, but I don't enjoy it.

Right. And, and I, I know that if you're probably listening to this, you're probably saying, wow, kitty says that with such ease and confidence. But that feels really hard for me. It's, but I also want you to know that just like. You're decluttering muscle. Just like anything you have ever become good at. You had to start and you got better over time and you build, yeah, up the [00:32:00] ability to identify the places where maybe that capacity is maxed out or maybe you do have a little bit more capacity over here in this bucket and it get, you get stronger.

And better and more confident in identifying those capacity maxes or limits. And so know that, if it sounds easy to her, it's because she's been thinking of this, it's because she's been practicing this and you too, as the listener. Just trust the process.

Trust that self-awareness, trust going inside of yourself to recognize your own personal capacity, and where are your gates? Your gates to capacity. Might look very different from someone else, so you also need to put on your blinders because someone may not agree with your capacity.

You know, that might go back to the belief that Kitty was talking [00:33:00] about that says, oh, come on, you know, you've done this before. This is all encompassing. Of the self-awareness and the beliefs that you have to stand strong on, because it can be so easy to waiver when it gets hard or that outside influence is telling you otherwise.

So trust yourself, trust the process and stay on it. We are gonna fall off. We're gonna get back on. But stay on it, you know, stay the path. 

Kitty: It is, the resilience and resilience is a hard word because I think people think like, I am strong and I'm resilient. But resilience is more about that consistency, right? It's about, just like you said, sometimes we do need to rest.

So let's put in a really good system that allows us three good weeks. And a rest week. But during the rest week, we still are following some form of system because we know it's harder to get back on the wagon than it is [00:34:00] to stay on it. 

Maggie: It's better. Absolutely. And that's the, and so that's, yeah, that's the reset that I talk about a lot too. And so like, to get really specific in terms of like physical clutter, how does that apply to your physical clutter? , your capacity to deal with items in your home could be very different from.

A friend or a family members who has more of a capacity to stay on top of Yes. Keeping things in order or preventing the clutter from building up. So you also, you need to, you need to recognize that what is your physical item capacity, yeah. Is going to look different for every single person. And it, it's gonna look different Yes.

In different items. You know, one person might have a physical capacity for, , shoes or no physical capacity for shoes, and the next person might have no physical capacity for books. You know, they're, everyone is going to look very [00:35:00] different. And that's, again, you need to practice. Try it out. Try it on.

Like what, when you're, when is it starting to feel like you're overflowing? And that's gonna feel different. That's gonna look different. And that can help you guide the literal, literally the quantity of things in your home, the amount of things on your calendar, the thoughts that you're processing through your brain.

Like, yeah, where are you starting to bubble? Where's it overflowing? Exactly. Yeah, I like that you say feel, because, so I do a lot of work with, um, with intuition and intuitive coaching, but, but even without getting into all of that, if you can feel it. You will do better. So when you feel like you're suffocating in your environment, you are suffocating in your environment, you're not going to be thriving in that, right?

You're [00:36:00] suffering in some way if you feel like you have freedom to move around. I mean, they've done studies, right, that if your house is not cluttered, that you tend to weigh less. And it's crazy, but it's not because at first you're thinking, oh, that's a great way to lose weight. But it's because you're emotion.

You have freedom to move throughout your house, right? Um, There's safety that comes from that too, that feeling of safety. If you can sit down and relax without feeling like you have a thousand things to do, then you relax differently. You actually rest. You don't regret it. You don't sit there and blame yourself and tell yourself that you gotta get up and do something else.

Like, so when we are feeling. Our environment to be safe, to be free, and to be following that, that desired path. Like when we are like, I wanna live like this. Okay, so what do you need to do right now? What decision do you need to make right now that helps you to get there? And it could be a very [00:37:00] simple decision.

I mean, that could be that where they're like, I'm calling Maggie right now. Yep. Because I need to live this life. Right. Um, or it could just be, like I said, taking a look at what's going on around you and thinking, well, I can see four things that could go in the trash immediately, and I'm gonna pick those up.

 So, um, I know that we really took the bulk of this conversation into capacity, and hopefully we have not pushed anybody's capacity in doing so, but I really thought it's, you know, that word alone, just I want anyone listening is to take that pocket, that word, and see where it is applying in.

Your everyday life and thoughts and beliefs, and commitments. So is there anything else we need to know, kitty, about this process before we close out today? No, I think it really just comes down to accepting who you are, [00:38:00] where you are. And where you want to go. And it's okay that it doesn't look like what somebody else tells you.

And it's okay if, um, if you do it in a way that feels better for you. And, you know, and we, it's so cliche to be like, don't keep up with the Jones, or stop comparing yourself to others. And, um, I mean, these beliefs that are inside of us don't just come because we have social media and access to other people's lives.

These beliefs that are inside of us come from, I mean, Sometimes before we're born, sometimes from just, you know, our, our lived experiences. And it's okay for us to, to sort of dismantle that and interrupt that pattern and think, um, you know, this is the way it was always done before, but I want to do it different and I want to do it better, and I'm gonna do it in a way that makes me happy.

And what you'll find out is that it becomes very easy. To maintain a home, to [00:39:00] maintain a schedule and a calendar to maintain relationships with people, to be able to say no without feeling like you're going against your, your own value system. It becomes easy to do the things. That you want to do because you've accepted who you are.

And like I said at the beginning, like an angry person is, it's hard for them to be kind, but a kind person is hard for them to be angry. So when you go through these systems and you realize that, um, you know, I wanna be a happier person. What doesn't make me happy is going to show up really easily. And then you're going to be able to say, well, I accept that I wanna do it this way.

And uh, and it becomes a whole different ballgame and it becomes really awesome because then suddenly people are like, how did you do it? What's your secret? Right. Right. And I know that we talked about all this then leads into like the decisions you're making based on Yeah. You know, this, this awareness and, and breaking down those beliefs and.

And identifying the [00:40:00] capacity. So what is, what's your next decision? Where's, where are you making change for the better? Yep. And your path to becoming that happier human That Kitty is out here in the world, sharing and helping everybody. So Kitty, I know that , right now you are in a season of getting out to the world and sharing this message. So I will make sure that in the comments of this podcast, um, in all the show notes, , list your website because I know that you're gonna have some resources and a guide Yeah. That talks about what we talked about today. Um, it's going to be able to bring you to a book that Kitty has recently, contributed to.

everything will be on kitty kissler.com, so it's pretty simple, um, to just go ahead and access that.

But yeah, the book is exciting because it is. It's 130 authors. [00:41:00] Amazing. Um, there is not a release date as of the time that we are talking, but um, but it's 130 authors that who got together to talk about modern motherhood. So you wanna talk about dismantling some things? Um, it's about how the world has changed and it's talking about how we are right now.

Um, Able to do life different because of awareness and belief and um, and learning our capacity. And so that's really awesome. It's going to be, or it is already a, um, world record, which is exciting. So fun. So yeah. So I don't have too many details that I'm allowed to share at this time. Mm-hmm. But once you access the site, everything will be up and on there and hopefully there will be a release date.

And obviously if you follow me on social, the updates will be in real time. But um, yes, and I will certainly follow that on my Instagram account. Chesterfield Organizing Co. And you can be found at Kitty Kissler. I can't wait to share this message with everybody [00:42:00] and we just might have to have you back anytime we have just started. Thank you, kitty. Thank you.