The Creating Belonging Podcast
In the book, Creating Belonging: A Practical Guide to Accelerate Belonging in Organizations and Communities, Justin Reinert describes a model where belonging sits at the intersection of authenticity and acceptance. In The Creating Belonging Podcast, host Justin Reinert will continue the conversation of creating belonging by discussing others' experiences when they've been at various levels of authenticity and acceptance in their communities. Our goal with this podcast will be to help others find new paths to belonging in their communities.
The Creating Belonging Podcast
Introducing The Creating Belonging Podcast
Let us know what you think of this podcast!
In this first episode, Justin introduces the Creating Belonging model and a bit of the story behind its creation.
The Four Areas of the Creating Belonging model:
Recluse: We are withdrawn from the community. We mask much of our own identity and don’t respect or appreciate others’ identities.
Overbearing: We only respect our own identities and values. We assume everyone else views the world the way we do. We’re not aware of how our presence impacts others.
Minimizing: We mask our own identities to allow others to shine. We undervalue or hide our own identities to make others comfortable.
Belonging: The right balance of authenticity and acceptance. We actively encourage others to present themselves authentically. We confidently show up without fear of rejection.
You can order your copy of Creating Belonging on Amazon.
Music:
Wave by Helkimer | https://soundcloud.com/helkimer
Music promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.com
Creative Commons / Attribution 3.0 Unported License (CC BY 3.0)
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/deed.en_US
I once had a manager who told me to tone down the gay thing at work. The thing is I didn't even realize. I was out at work At the time. I was a sales trainer at a large global organization. I traveled to different cities and led week-long bootcamps to train new account executives. Not once did I walk into a classroom and declare I'm gay. I didn't even speak about it in social settings. It just wasn't something I talked about. So when my manager said that she had received feedback that I was too open with my sexuality, i didn't quite understand where it was coming from.
Speaker 1:My name is Justin and last spring I published a book titled Creating Belonging. The book was born out of the idea that we as individuals have a right and an imperative to live authentically, at the same time holding others in a place of radical acceptance. This podcast will explore concepts from the book, will dig into the creating belonging model, and our guests will get a little vulnerable and share their experiences in the various areas of the creating belonging model. I hope that this podcast will provide you with inspiration to move into a place of greater belonging within your communities and organizations. The story I opened with today is the story I open all of my creating belonging workshops with, and it opens the third chapter where we begin to identify the imperative for creating belonging. I was reflecting recently and realized the way I used this story seems to be in defiance of what actually happened that day.
Speaker 1:The idea for the creating belonging model started a handful of years ago, as I was writing a speaking proposal for a national conference. I was turned down not one year, but two years in a row, and the only rationale I was given was that I didn't work for a Fortune 500 company. Despite the rejection, i knew this concept could grow somewhere. That's when, a couple of years later, a good friend and colleague asked me if I knew anyone who'd be interested in speaking for an LGBTQ employee resource group, to which I responded are you kidding me? I'd love to. I dug out some of the old work I'd previously begun on this concept of living authentically and after a few nights of reflection, it came to me Plain as day. I could see the creating belonging model. I sprung out of bed at 2am and began writing. In fact, the definitions that underlight each area of the creating belonging model are unchanged from my handwriting that night As I went deeper into the research to provide some validation to the model. I was so excited that it seemed to be supported.
Speaker 1:What was most validating were several articles which talked about various perspectives to diversity and inclusion interventions, and that many fell into one of two camps. The first was that of the colorblind camp, that equality is emphasized and differences are minimized. Remember those statements by people I don't see color, sorry to say, but yes, you do. The issue with this egalitarian approach is that majority narratives stay in place and marginalized groups are forced to conform. They don't encourage diversity but conformity. On the other end of the spectrum is the multicultural approach, where difference is celebrated. This is the more popular camp by modern day standards, but it still has issues. Studies have found that these messages make individuals in positions of power feel uncomfortable and subsequently opt out of participating. In her book, dei Deconstructed, lily Zhang talks about this in her third chapter and I'll quote from the book White people exposed to multicultural language that highlights the value of non-white contributions have a lower tolerance for disagreement or conflict. They are more likely to feel excluded and thus respond by showing less support for diversity efforts or with frustration or hostility". This is where the creating belonging model comes in.
Speaker 1:I pose that belonging is created at the intersection of authenticity and acceptance. When we, as individuals can dive deep into self-exploration and live our authentic selves and, at the same time, dig deep into radical acceptance of others, we create belonging for everyone. In the book I pose a model with four zones. When we're low on authenticity and we're low on acceptance, we're in recluse, which I define that we are withdrawn from the community, we mask much of our own identity and don't respect or appreciate others' identities. The second zone is overbearing, where we're high on authenticity but low on acceptance. I define it that we only respect our own identities and values. We assume everyone else views the world the way that we do and we're not aware of how our presence impacts others. In the third zone, we go in the opposite extreme, where we're high on acceptance but low on authenticity. This definition is that we mask our own identities to allow others to shine. We undervalue or hide our own identities to make others comfortable. And lastly, we have belonging where we're high on authenticity and high on acceptance. I say that it's the right balance of authenticity and acceptance. We actively encourage others to present themselves authentically and we confidently show up without fear of rejection. To give an example of what belonging looks like to me, i'm going to read an excerpt from the book.
Speaker 1:Several years back, i was leading a truly distributed team. We all sat in different offices across the US. Fortunately, early in the development of our team, we had the opportunity to travel together once a quarter to the various cities in which we had offices. Typically, with each meeting, we would do some sort of team bonding event. If, for example, we were in San Francisco, we would focus the event on doing something that the person in San Francisco enjoyed getting to know them a bit better. On one of these trips we were in Chicago and it was my turn to design the team bonding event.
Speaker 1:I wanted to invite everyone into my home and cook dinner for them. I can't think of anything more authentic than inviting people into your home. I also love entertaining and cooking for others. I love to cook a variety of foods and rarely have aversions or allergies. However, when looking across my team, i had an individual who kept moderately kosher, an individual who was allergic to nuts and one pescetarian. Making a meal with one of those observations wouldn't be much of an issue, but trying to plan an entire menu that was kosher, nut-free and pescetarian became a challenge. What might typically happen in this scenario is the host might prepare a meal to suit the majority, and then those with allergies or aversions would need to have substitutes or just exclude a certain part of the meal.
Speaker 1:However, i didn't want to have a meal that created a focus on individual dietary needs. I wanted a meal that everyone could enjoy every part of, as if the meal was made just for them, and that's what I set out to do. Together, we enjoyed a meal that everyone could partake in each dish, and we had a great time. It might sound rather simplistic, but I can't think of a metaphor more fitting for creating belonging, designing spaces that honor our individuality but don't exclude some or highlight differences in a negative way. I get that if you're entertaining 100 people, this feat might be impossible, but for a dinner of less than 8 people, it's a little extra work that is worth the effort.
Speaker 1:As I wrote this book, i had a conversation with one of the individuals in attendance at this dinner. She said that she still remembers it so well because it's so rare that anyone goes above and beyond to accommodate her dietary needs. It was such a validating check-in that a simple act deepened belonging and made a lasting impression on someone. As I tell this story so often now, the most common question I get is what did you make As guests arrived? we had assorted cheeses and crackers Once sat for the meal, we had a simple salad with a homemade dressing, the main course was olive oil poached salmon over pasta with a homemade tomato sauce, and then dessert was cocktails at the concert later.
Speaker 1:I'm genuinely excited for the guests lined up for this podcast. They bring a range of experiences and bring to the table many different identities. My hope is that, as they share their stories of experiencing various areas of the creating belonging model, that you, the listener, can identify with some of their stories and find new paths to creating belonging for yourself. Look for our first guest out in the next two weeks.
