Gaytriarchs: A Gay Dads Podcast
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Gaytriarchs: A Gay Dads Podcast
The one with Doctor X
This week, David is shot at point-blank range by his son, Gavin has criticism for David's criticism of the Wicked movie, we ask our listener for book recommendations, we have a controversial DILF of the week, we rank the top 3 Christmas songs, and this week we are joined by mysterious "Doctor X," who talks to us about female health and anatomy, when we should talk to our kids about sex, and why she has (some) hope about medicine and social media.
Questions? Comments? Rants? Raves? Send them to GaytriarchsPodcast@gmail.com, or you can DM us anywhere @GaytriarchsPodcast
Hey David, you know who this episode of Gatriarchs is brought to you by?
SPEAKER_02:Who? Gaddies. Gaddies is the gay dad brand. Started by a gay dad and a total dilf, by the way. Gaddies is here to celebrate gay dads with pride and style.
SPEAKER_01:We love their hats, tees, and hoodies for the entire family. David won't take off his YesGaddy hat.
SPEAKER_02:And Gavin is obsessed with his caught in a dad romance t-shirt.
SPEAKER_01:Caught in a bad romance.
SPEAKER_02:Gatriarch's listeners get 20% off their first order using code GAY20.
SPEAKER_01:Shop now for the holidays for all of your friends gay or other at heygaddies.com. That's H-E-Y-G-A-D-D-I-E-S.com. That daddy clause, the strangely hot uh um uh what am I trying to say? Um oh god damn it.
SPEAKER_02:What's the term I knew I knew we'd get it cold open. I knew we did it. I knew we would get it. I knew if I just waited long enough, like I knew it's a ball, it would arrive.
SPEAKER_01:And this is Gay Drearks.
SPEAKER_02:So the other night before bed, I'm trying to get my son dressed for bed, and he's doing the funny thing where he's like kicking and saying no, but it's all playful. And now he's totally naked, kicking me. I'm trying to put his underwear on. We're laughing. And then he just stops and he looks him right in the eye, he goes, Dad, watch. And in one fell swoop, he throws his legs over his head and farts right in front of me. And gave and what I realized was I have never seen nor ever wanted to see a close-up fart, a a physiological rendering of a fart from a six-year-old child. And I have been changed for the worse. So what was your immediate reaction? I I literally froze like a deer in the headlights because A, it was gross, but whatever. But B, I was like, that's what a butthole looks like when it farts. It was horrible. It was like seeing the creature in the alien movie. You just every part of you is like, I will never recover from this. So if any of you out there, any listener out there are considering having children, just know you will have to see your six-year-old fart in your face.
SPEAKER_01:And they will catch you. Um, un you will have no expectations of it coming. It'll be a complete surprise. I mean, that has happened to me multiple occasions, but also with my children. But also, here's where I'm gonna call your bluff, or actually just point out our incredible differences and what a little ice skater of a gay boy you were. You never once were like at sleepovers with friends where somebody bent over, pulled them apart, and farted for the laughter. By the way, let me make very, very clear nothing sexual about it whatsoever, but just being boys.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, maybe, but there's something about like direct overhead lights, point blank range, tiny butthole. Like it was all just so fucking disgusting. And you know, once you once you have kind of left the diaper phase for long enough, you're you're kind of you're not in that area very often. Maybe you help them wash in the bath, but like even they know how to wash their own butt and and maybe you'll have to wipe their butt every once in a while. But like, you know, I'm kind of out of that area. I'm I've I've put in my time, I've served my nickel, okay? Yes, yes.
SPEAKER_01:However, so anyway, I'm he must have just he must have been so proud.
SPEAKER_02:I mean, did he it was like the funniest thing that's ever happened in his life? He talks about it all the time. He's like, remember when I farted right on you? I said, No, no, no. It was that you threw your legs over your head, like gave in on prom night and just let it go. So anyway, uh, parenthood, guys.
SPEAKER_01:I love it. I love it. I mean, that seems like I'm I'm I'm disappointed in your level of shock because I or disgust because I just feel like this is a rite of passage. Yeah. Also, I can't believe it's happened, not happened to you before already. I think you're hiding um your skeletons in your closet from our listener, but nevertheless, um, that was hilarious. Hilarious. Okay, we have we have real shit to talk about, all right? Real shit. We're already behind the curve, we're behind the algorithm. Big surprise. Nobody pays attention to us anyway. But listener, if listener has not already seen it, I do think we need being gay representatives of the world, we have to talk about wicked too.
SPEAKER_02:Yes, leaders in the gay community, I believe, is what we're doing.
SPEAKER_01:Exactly, exactly. So, but also knowing that we're behind the eight ball, everybody's already discussed it. This is already old news. People have moved on to Zootopia too, uh, which was fine, although I literally took a$26 nap through the first half of it. Uh, I want to know what are your top three thoughts about Wicked? I'm glad it exists.
SPEAKER_02:Um I uh I won't like trample on dead stuff, which is like Michelle was terrible as like whatever. We all know that. Arguably miscast, but I just I I I miss a strong, consistent voice in big movies like this. It feels very much done by committee where everyone got to have their say, versus like it really feels consistent. And so I was a little let down in general with the kind of point of view, and especially when you have characters who so dramatically change from the beginning of this story to the end. I very much missed the fact that we go from this beautiful Cynthia Revo, doughy-eyed, oh my god, blah blah blah, to the fucking evilest, wickedest witch in the world. I wanted to see when she was singing No Good Deed, like the cracks in her face and sweat coming from her brows and her teeth out and her spitting. I wanted to see her getting to that point of I am the wicked witch. And instead it was this glossy, pretty, uh over overly CGI song. So I was in general a little disappointed. I'm glad it exists. I enjoyed it enough. And the end. What about you?
SPEAKER_01:Dear listener, now you know that David really does have tremendous abilities as a visionary director and writer and should be doing this because his level of digging into the weeds put me to sleep. How about you? Can't we just love it? This is what it's not working, yeah, yeah. But not analyze it. Okay, well, this is the answer that I was looking for. Number three for me is sex in the tree. I was not expecting to see Jonathan Bailey's top of his hairy chest, sitting with Cynthia in the tree. I I don't know what. I I just I guess I'm just not that deep a thinker. Of course, I knew that something was consummated in the song. Uh, what's their song? What is it called again? Do you hear hear the people sing? Is that what it is? Anyway, their song. I was long as a mind. Yeah, yeah. It it took me out of the side.
SPEAKER_02:But that was a good example of like that. Should have been those two clawing at each other, you're ripping their clothes off. It should have been sexy. Instead, it was like polite. It was very polite. It was a song, right? It was a polite before feed on each other. When she turns him around and she goes, for the first time, I finally feel I wanted her to go wicked. Like, like she was about to fucking jump on his ass. Instead, she went wicked, you know, like the name of the movie. I'm like, I want okay. Sorry.
SPEAKER_01:Number number two for me, yeah. They're just lost in the desert at the end. And I think that Cynthia's looking off into the distance, looking at, you know, um Ariana, thinking, oh fuck, I want to go back where it's colorful, and I can like eat. It's very windy, and I have sand in my vagina.
SPEAKER_02:I did not appreciate this. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:I have been banished. I have chosen banishment. I did not see that coming. I assume it was in the book, which I did read last century. I definitely remember nothing about it except that Fiero had tattoos all over his body or something like that, which never made it in the musical. But um yeah, the whole desert at the end, I just thought this was not the ending I remembered or wanted for them, because it looks like the rest of their lives are going to be miserable and not like, I chose love, and so there was some sacrifice. No, she's gonna be like, I chose love for this. This sucks. Anyway, but then here is where I have totally redone our outline because I had so many what would you do moments in the movie where I took my kids to see it in New York City in the 4D theater. It was not worth it to see it in 4D. We should have seen the first one in 4D. Uh, my daughter saw it in the first place. Wait, what's the fourth D? 4D. There's a movie theater. There's movie theaters now sprinkled across the country, and there's a few in New York that are you are basically, it is the very sober, low-key version of a Star Tours experience where you're sitting in a chair that moves around a little bit. You have water splashed in your face, you see the feel the wind. At one point, I thought somebody was kicking me in my back. No, no, no. It's like little things gouging you during the fight scenes and whatnot. It was um a unique experience, but Wicked Two for Good was not the movie to see in 4D. I I we should have literally seen a Marvel movie or something, you said, right? But sitting behind me, I was sitting with my daughter and her friend, and then behind me was my son and his friend. And as the movie went on, um, there were two what seemed like teenage girls sitting next to my son behind me, who were talking more and more and more and more through the movie. And it was becoming very much a classic New York City scene where you're sitting in a movie wanting to be polite and absorb every single moment of it, but you're being taken out of it because of this situation, right? It escalates. They have the sex scene, right? And suddenly they're like, oh, they fucked. Oh, they fucked. Did you see that? They fucked. And I'm like, you're sitting next to a 12-year-old boy. Must you have this commentary? And it also became a running, um, just complete diatribe throughout the entire movie as they're narrating everything to us, right? So we're getting closer and closer to For Good, the song, which is lyrically often stupid, but at the same time marvelous, and you just wanna, and I'm like, bitch, you are not going to ruin this movie at this moment for this fag. You are not gonna do this, and you're not gonna ruin it for my kids, you're not gonna ruin it for the people around me. But I was sitting there thinking, I'm sitting next to my 14-year-old daughter who's gonna be like, Dad, do not embarrass me, do not embarrass me, do not. Finally, I'm like, you know what? I'm a grown ass. I am 50 years old. Half a century. What are they going to do to me? So I can hear the music starting for for good, and I'm like, nope, I'm doing this now. I whip around and I get right up in their faces, and they were like, what the hell? And it wasn't teenagers, these were like 40-year-old women. And I got up in their faces and I said, I know this movie is not that good, which honestly, it wasn't that good. I know this isn't that good, and I I kind of want it to be over too, but we're coming to the most critical moment in the entire movie. Would you please, for this moment, be quiet? Also, you're sitting next to my 12-year-old son and watch some of your language. Well, I can imagine that I came out of nowhere in the dark and they were like, What the hell? They weren't scared, but they were like, I think I spoke too quickly for them, and also I got close to them and I smelled booze. And I'm like, Oh, you're drunk in the middle of the afternoon. It's all coming together. But they basically said, You're good, you're good. And I'm like, Yeah, I am. But hopefully this solved it. And I went back and they were quiet for the rest of the movie. And so bringing it all together. Oh, thank God. One, I've rarely done that before, but to cap this off, and I know you're already rolling your eyes at me, but my 14-year-old daughter said, Thank you for doing that. And my son said, They were talking through the entire movie, thank you for doing that. And I was like, I for once what I got one win in 2025, which was my par my children were impressed that I shut somebody up at the movie.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. I mean, that that is an interesting topic to discuss. I mean, another point is like that line of defending your children uh for their sake, but also for your sake, for for for the immediate thing, which is them shutting up, but also to show them that you will protect them, all of those things and what that line is. And I don't want to be a Karen, but I think we all in general as people far do it, we do it far less than we should. You should have stood up within the first five seconds, but we're all worried. A, does this person have a gun? B, am I being a total fucking Karen right now? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Yep. It's a man going after two women. Does this look ridiculous, etc., etc. etc.
SPEAKER_02:Ladies, ladies, ladies, a man is talking.
SPEAKER_01:Please be quiet. Um, but and afterwards I did stand up and I said, Thank you very much. And they said, What did you say earlier? I'm like, You're so drunk. But they did shut up.
SPEAKER_02:So listen, clearly their lives have not worked out the way they planned if they are drunk in the middle of the afternoon at three o'clock in the afternoon. Do you know what I mean?
SPEAKER_01:Um, so all right, thank you for bearing with me.
SPEAKER_02:Yes, of course. No, we uh uh we're every everyone wake up, everyone who's been driving, please wake up. Um, so we got a listener email, and I want to bring up because this is actually tied into something I'm doing at my kids' school right now. We had a listener, our listener, excuse me, our listener, Eric Christian, uh, write in and he was asking us, what are our favorite two dad books? And uh he goes, I was at your your Halloween events, nice to meet you. Thank you for oh, and he also said, Thank you for all that you do and are doing for this community. And I just rolled my eyes. But um, because as a community, um, but he he brought up a good point because I'm on the like DEI committee at my kids' elementary school and they're putting together like a DEI bookshelf of like oh yeah, whatever, you know. Um uh it's uh it's not at Target. But if they were asking me, like, what are some great, you know, queer books or whatever. And I also, like Eric had mentioned, kept going to the same five books of like two gay dads, you know, whatever. So I'm putting it out there to you, listener. If you have one of your favorites, not in Tango Makes Three, and not you know, not all those, but like if there's a great book that either deals with surrogacy or adoption or two dads or whatever, please, please, please, will you send us a DM, send us an email and let us know? Because I think it would be great for us to find other ones, not only for my kids' bookshelf, but just in general, because we're all we've all read the big ones and they're all good enough. But I it would be nice to kind of spotlight some other ones.
SPEAKER_01:Um you know what we're gonna do? What? Um, I'm gonna make another open promise that I can't follow through with, uh, but I'm gonna challenge myself out here and hold myself accountable. We need a book list on our website. Now, first of all, for listener, uh David didn't even know we had a website a couple of weeks ago when I said to him, uh the website needs to be updated. And he goes, We have a website. But that is not a difficult thing to do. I pledge to you by well, listen, the end of the year, uh, we're gonna have a book list there, and that would be a great resource that we can um get for folks. Because frankly, I mean, I I'm out of uh, you know, picture book phase, and I know some young adult novels that my daughter has uh bragged, hey dad, there's two dads in here. You know, she's kind of scoffed at me.
SPEAKER_02:And we've had some authors on here like Eureko Ahara and Dampa Black, like we've had some other people. So, yes, please send us in your your recommendations, things you love. Um, also, with not at all related to that, um, just want to quickly mention Gaze with Kids, who sometimes partners with us for various things. They partnered with our Halloween party. They are doing a um uh a queer family holiday fundraising brunch, which unfortunately we cannot attend because we are very busy and very important. But we wanted to mention it. It is Sunday, December 14th. Um, it is in New York City, of course, which is unfortunately where all of our stuff is right now. Um, but we wanted to mention it because they are raising um funds for their academy, which is like kind of teaching people how to be gay dads, which I'm still learning about, honestly. I don't even know how to fucking do it.
SPEAKER_01:So we all are, we all are, but they are doing some good work there and trying to be able to uh open the tribe even more and educate people. So it's gonna be at Complete Playground, which is in New York City's financial district. And as David said, on uh Sunday, December 14th from 10 to 12. Brunch. I mean, there will be bottomless mimosas and just bottoms, I would imagine.
SPEAKER_02:If it's a gay event, it will have brunch and it will have bottoms. That is for sure. So if you guys are interested, please go to that. We will not be there. Um, but uh gays with kids will be there and we love them. Um, I have something helpful for you, Gavin. Oh God. It's a no, it's a dad hack of the week. Now it's not really a hack, but it is a gift I have learned that has been very, very exciting for my kids. So it is obviously the holiday season, whether you celebrate Christmas or Hanukkah or the death of my career, whatever you celebrate in December. Um, advent calendars, you know what they are. They're like, you know, a calendar, and every day has a little door, and you open the door, and there's usually a present or chocolate or something.
SPEAKER_00:Thanks. Thanks for that explanation.
SPEAKER_02:Hey, some people don't know what an advent calendar is. Okay. If you didn't know what an advent calendar was, please send me a DM. But um I I got one last year, uh, I think, and then this year we got two. We got one that's K-pop demon hunters, of course, and then we got another one that is like magnet tiles where every day is a different one. I love that. When I tell you my kids bounce out of bed every day because they get to open door number two, door number one, door number three, they get so fucking excited. And the ones that I have loved the most are the ones that put together a set. So we did a Paw Patrol one a couple years ago, and it at the end it was this whole big camping scene where there was a fire and all kinds of things. So if you're looking for a thing that your kids are looking forward to every day or that you can hold over them if they're being really shitty, yes, we're in calendar.
SPEAKER_01:Manipulate their behavior and even better than easier than this um elf on the fucking shelf. Absolutely.
SPEAKER_02:And honestly, the chocolate, like, like you know, uh candy ones, they're okay, but I have found the kids love the ones that are little toys that come together to complete something. So, anyway, it works really well. We have held it over them many times, and they quite literally bounce out of bed. And I've told them if you come out of here without your light turning on before you're you're supposed to, you don't get to open the door. Those motherfuckers are standing at the door, they are standing waiting. So, advent calendar, that is my day back of the week.
SPEAKER_01:We have an advent calendar situation at the house. Uh, last year I got something elaborate for them that was, I think it was a charm bracelet thing for my daughter. She gets a bracelet on day one and then little charms for the rest of uh by day nine, she didn't even care anymore. But yet she that she really found an advent calendar, something very important for her, and she couldn't wait for it last year, and even this year, too. But I was able to put together that all she wanted was the$2.99 advent calendar with cheap chocolate from the grocery store. That's all she wanted. She didn't want charms. She sadly, neither of my kids wanted a Cared about putting together Paw Patrol scenes or Star Wars Legos for that matter. They just want the little bits of chocolate. Um, listen, I happened to find in the attic the other day as I was getting her Christmas stuff out a leftover Star Wars advent calendar that was untouched. I mean, that shit could probably sell on the intrawebs on day th two for the you know irresponsible parents who hadn't thought about this ahead of time. That would have been me. And uh they couldn't even care less. They just want their little bits of chocolate. They're so jaded and old. Just you waiting. Just like us. Jaded and old. Speaking of jaded and old, yeah, a little gay news of the week. As you know, there's no good news in the world, right? But here as America's finest news source, I have found a couple of things. Okay. First of all, an Ohio guy got his gay vanity plate back. He had applied for a vanity plate in Ohio that said gay on it. That's all. Uh gay, excuse me, gays. And um, they said it was inappropriate. Yet when he dug around and got did a little bit of research, he found that you could have a vanity plate that said no gays and no homos.
SPEAKER_02:And probably like D's nuts and eat my dick or whatever. You know, there I'm sure you could say all of that, but not gays. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Now, staying completely true to form and superficial, I haven't dug really deep into this, but I just basically read the headline. And luckily, the Ohio guy got his gay vanity plate, and that is good news in the world. Also, we know about the bullshit going on in uh Texas redistricting, and Texas has unleashed, you know, this fury upon the entire country. Well, apparently, a three-judge panel did determine that the redistricting map had been completely gerrymandered just for Republicans' sake, which we all knew, but that also it had been essentially in a racist way that was going to take away representation for people of color, right? So apparently the the this three-panel judge um or uh court actually did strike down the gerrymandered districts. And so US Representative Julie Johnson, one of several Democrats who was targeted in the latest efforts, says she is going to seek re-election after they uh the three-judge panel blocked the maps that had been drawn. So she was going to be drawn out of her Dallas area district for 2026, but she is running again. And God bless her for doing so. Thank you for doing the Lord's work and all of this redistricting. You know, this is absolutely up my alley, and it's all disgusting. But anyway. Finally, um, before we get to the top three list, uh, which I'm definitely prepared with, I do want to celebrate our Dilpha of the Week.
SPEAKER_02:Who's our Dilph of the Week?
SPEAKER_01:Daddy Claus. Do you know who I mean by that? No. The Target Strangely Hot Santa Claus. Um go ahead and click on it. I've hyperlinked to it. You've seen these ads, haven't you?
SPEAKER_02:Oh yes. Yes. And now we don't shop at Target, but but of course not. We would allow it. We will allow this inside of us for sure.
SPEAKER_01:The Silver Fox Hot Dad Santa Daddy. That's what it is. Um, anyway, he is our doof of the week. Thank you, Daddy Claus, for making all of our Christmas dreams come true. You know what doesn't make our Christmas dreams come true? You're welcome for setting you up for that so well.
SPEAKER_02:Our top three list. Gate three arcs.
SPEAKER_01:Top three list, three, two, one.
SPEAKER_02:All right, so this week is your week, kind of.
SPEAKER_00:That's right. It is. That's absolutely right.
SPEAKER_01:All right, so this week is our top three best Christmas songs. Now, I'm just gonna lean into the number one because I was at the grocery store this morning and I wanted it, it was completely empty, and I wanted to be that guy dancing in the aisle. And so guess I guess what? I was. You can guess what that is, but um, we'll wait till number one. Okay, so number two for me is uh just Bing Crosby White Christmas. I do love it when that comes on. Uh I never get sick of hearing that. Never ever ever get sick of it.
SPEAKER_02:Number two, silent uh number two, oh holy night it's just it's it's like watching a three-car pileup that becomes a four-car pileup, and like just everyone keeps sliding, you know, those dash cams, you just see more and more cars.
SPEAKER_01:I I wrote down I wrote down Silent Night, and I thought, no, that's not that's not what I'm looking for. It's Ohy Night. Wow, I was really holy about that one. But I do love O Holy Night, even sung poorly. I love O Holy Night.
SPEAKER_02:Or the David Phelps version. Have you heard that version where he's like screaming in the room? Oh, I uh maybe I'll put it on uh at the end of the episode. It is incredible, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:All right, and then number one, all I want for Christmas is you. Plain and simple. What about you?
SPEAKER_02:All right, so I had to narrow it down because I was like, Top three Christmas songs, what a terrible idea for a top three list. Because like, whatever. Like they're but to me, I was like, okay, I'm gonna make it the top three Christmas songs that that fill me with that hookah, that has that like warmth Christmas. You don't even know what you just said. You know what I mean. It's like that like warm, cozy fireplace, magical Christmas feeling, right? Of course. Um, and so number three, it's cliche, but it's true. It's Christmas time is here at the Charlie Brown uh Scaraldi triotage. Yeah, so it is it is just it's got that magical, beautiful Christmas feeling. Um, number two, listen, I'm from the south. Hard candy Christmas by Dolly Pardon. Absolutely. Right, just just gorgeous, it's just warm, it's uh uh perfect. And then number one, this is inarguably the most ghazelic song that there is for Christmas. It's also from my absolute favorite Christmas movie of all time, uh, The Spirit of Christmas from Ray Charles. It's the song that plays when Clark is in the attic watching old home movies of his ass. So uh that's our top three list. And so next week, how about we do who are the top three hottest Christmas characters? All right. Okay, our guest this week might as well be a superhero because she's a doctor. Well, technically a doctor of nursing practice, but she's also an advocate for children with autism. She's a pediatrician committed to inclusive family-centered care to all patients, even the gross ones. Moreover, she's a mom and a new mom to boot. Inspired by one of our listeners reaching out to us, asking for a doctor to come on and just tell us all the things about girl parts. Our guest fits two very important credentials. She's a doctor and a girl. So please welcome to the show our most mysterious guest to date, Dr. X.
SPEAKER_00:Welcome, Dr. X.
SPEAKER_06:Thank you for having me. So nice to be on.
SPEAKER_02:Well, so we are calling you Dr. X. I that is not your legal name, but um, we unfortunately no.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, but we and there is no relation to Elon Musk whatsoever in this none.
SPEAKER_02:None at all. Or the X-Men. You don't know, you could be Storm. We don't know who's on this call. Um, but we wanted you to come on and we wanted you to be candid and honest and curse with us. So we thought, let's just have you come on as Dr. X. So nobody really knows who you are, but we get all the valuable information out of you. But first, before we begin, how does your kid drive you bananas today?
SPEAKER_06:My child drove me bananas by having the absolute audacity to wake up on my day off at five o'clock in the morning.
SPEAKER_02:Oh the worst. She knew. She knew it was the day off.
SPEAKER_06:She knew.
SPEAKER_02:No.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah. So, you know, I'm a I'm a tired mom, but but I'm here.
SPEAKER_01:I love you that you mentioned the audacity where they don't understand days off, they don't understand weekends, and they certainly don't get uh time change or daylight savings. Uh, if if we could change one thing, wave that magic wand about babies, can we please do that, please?
SPEAKER_02:And honestly, when they can understand that, they don't give a shit. They're like, I don't care if it's your day off. I need Pirate Spooty right now. I need a bag of Cheez-Its and I need Bluey. So whatever issues you're coming up with, Mom, we don't care. Um, yes, and you were saying before we we started recording that like you you hope your baby doesn't um uh interrupt with crying, but also your husband with his crying.
SPEAKER_06:Yes, I have uh two babies at home with a uh a husband with a broken leg and a six-month-old. So basically the same thing.
SPEAKER_02:Oh my gosh. That that that just sounds that just sounds terrible on all fronts. But thank you for spending this time with us on your day off. I really do appreciate it. We we reached out to you um because we actually had a listener reach out to us, and he is a gay dad, and he was saying, Hey, we're about to have a girl, and I'm very nervous because I have little to no experience in the girl world. You know, some of us gays are gold star platinum, some of us have had plenty of maybe sexual relations with women, but we we don't really know enough to feel like we know enough. And so I was like, let's bring on a real doctor who's really a girl who can kind of tell us about these things. Because I remember when I found out I was having a girl, I I panicked in the same way. And it and it sounds so stupid. Like when I say it out loud, who cares? She has a different she has a job, like why are you freaking out? But I really did. I panicked because I was like, I don't know how to properly take care of these things. Is this common? Is this a common thing you get from parents who are maybe having a girl from either your your dads or whatever that they don't know what they're doing?
SPEAKER_06:Yeah, I all the time, even the women. Uh I mean, having a having a child is scary no matter what. And when you have the added layer of not knowing much at all about the gender of the the baby that you're you know, getting, um, it can be really scary. My husband is one of them. So, you know, I think that it's a universal experience. Um, I do have the benefit of being both a provider and a girl. So hopefully I can help clear some of that up. But just know you're not alone and this is scary and it's new, and you're not expected to be perfect. Your child certainly isn't perfect. So why should you be?
SPEAKER_01:Not to mention the fact that uh reproductive education is so lacking in our country, and we don't get nearly enough of it because we think of we're such a puritanical society that we think that it's wrong to even talk about sex or genitalia or or the act. And so therefore, I would imagine, like you just said, even a lot of moms are kind of like, I don't know what to say, so we're not alone, right?
SPEAKER_06:Yeah, exactly. I mean, it's so important, especially in these times, to use anatomical terms when you're talking about parts. Um, educate kids from when they are old enough to understand, like two, three years old, that their body is their body. And um, you know, I think that now more than ever, parents are having to provide that type of information to their child because it's not being taught anywhere else. So it's definitely a tough thing to navigate and can be awkward at times, but it is really important. And there's a lot of pressure on parents. So, you know, like with everything else.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. So uh yeah. And I would say that like the the first line that I feel like you have to get good at is like being feeling comfortable to ask those questions and and maybe having a doctor that you feel comfortable asking those questions. I am very lucky to have a doctor that I feel very comfortable asking those things. But I think sometimes maybe gay dads or even straight dads feel a little awkward bringing certain things up because it's awkward, and maybe they just decide to withhold that for whatever reason because it's awkward. And so I would say that is for as far as like advice from a like a three-year-old girl dad is that you have to you have to get over that shit um when you're gonna become a parent of a child, it's to be like say, she has something weird in her vagina. You have to be able to say that to the doctor because if you just go, oh, I I guess everything is fine because you're embarrassed, you're you're kind of you're compromising the healthcare, obviously, of your kid and um and uh and just everybody, right? And I'm sure tell me as a doctor, are you are you super weirded out when a dad asks you about something like that? Or are you like, no, that's my job?
SPEAKER_06:No, we live in the awkward shit. So we we want you to ask all the awkward questions. I mean, if you have a good provider, your provider probably can anticipate some of them. Um, especially if you have a provider who is accustomed to taking care of families that look like many different things. Um, and that's something I think is important for parents who are looking for a pediatrician. Um, make sure that your pediatrician is someone who values that type of relationship and values every different type of family because not every pediatrician does, to be honest.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah.
SPEAKER_06:So I, you know, I think that that's something you could do from day one. And then ask awkward questions from day one. If your pediatrician or your, you know, your provider is weird about it, then they're not a good provider.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. Yeah, I would agree. I would agree with that. Um, I we as gay people, I think, are often tasked with these little mini tests we've kind of created in our lives about how to sense if we're safe, right? If if it's with a pediatrician, do we say the word husband and kind of gauge their eye contact when we walk into a store? Do we look or do people look like us? We all I think as gay people have these like little, these little tests that we're putting on you straight people to try to try and trick.
SPEAKER_06:The antennas go up.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I mean it it's important, right? And then this is in this case for for dads or dads to be, this is you're now dealing with the health of somebody that you're tasked with keeping in charge of. So I want to start a couple of I want to ask you a couple of the awkward questions for our listener, you know, from birth all the way till maybe they're 18. Um, just because I I loved that this listener reached out for this. So I'm gonna start with something that hit me first. So when I first had a girl, I was very nervous about just the the the literal structure of a vagina and a labia and like all that stuff. By diaper change number two, I was no longer weighted out. But what I realized quickly was I didn't really know the anatomy when she had a liquid blowout and stuff went inside of her. And that's when I went, I am beyond my means. So my question to you is when you have an infant who has like a liquid diarrhea and it goes inside of them, how do you clean that? How far do you go in? What do you do?
SPEAKER_06:Well, uh, the first thing you do is By the way, welcome to Catriarchs.
SPEAKER_02:Here's your first question. Yeah.
SPEAKER_06:Thanks for having me. Um, the first thing you do is try not to throw up.
SPEAKER_00:Universal. Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_06:Yes. The next thing that you do is you always want to wipe from the front of vagina to the butthole. So you are going from top to bottom. Um, you want to make sure that you are cleaning every crevice. So it might feel a little awkward at first to really get up in there, but you gotta all the folds, all the little nooks and crannies. Any poop that stays in the vagina can cause an infection. And the last thing you want when you have a new baby is to have to go back to the hospital because your kid has a UTI. So getting all up in there, you don't have to, you know, put a wipe on your finger and stick it in the vagina. You just have to wipe the outside. It doesn't go all the way in. It just kind of sits on the outside of the vagina opening. So you just have to make sure you clean that really well. Um, but sometimes you have to do the wipe, wait a second, reevaluate, new poop will pop up that you didn't think was there before. It's it's a task. Um and it is take your time and they'll probably keep pooping while you do it.
SPEAKER_01:Along those lines, while you're in this very topic or milieu, what are the terms that you want to use that are the very basics everybody's got to know, besides, for instance, vagina and labia?
SPEAKER_06:So the urethra and the vagina are two different holes. Um, that is the biggest thing. Also, the urethra is very small. So just keep in mind that when you're looking at female anatomy, it is a tiny little dot. The big hole below it is the vagina. And then you have, if you're going technical, you have your anus. Um, most people call it a butthole, but um even or if you're not at the doctor, they're ass. Yes. Um, and then those are, I mean, those are really the the most important terms. Everything else kind of doesn't matter.
SPEAKER_02:Right. I mean, can I can I also say I'm putting myself out there like a little awkwardness, but like to me, the first thing I realized I didn't know was that like you're saying, there's the vagina, there's the urethra, right? But the the the the flaps up uh over that is the vulva, correct? That is what's kind of the the doors closing in on the thing. And that is to me where I went, oh, I thought that entrance, that whole, that was the vagina. Like that, that that door was the, but it is not. And so when you say clean in there, you're saying that those doors can part a little bit as you clean some of that diarrhea out. I I'm feeling I'm having a hives now, even talking about it, but I know you're definitely spiraling beneficial. You're spiraling spiral. Let her talk. I mean, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_06:So I I mean, I spend my day talking about poop and pee and all those things. So just know you're not making me uncomfortable.
SPEAKER_04:No.
SPEAKER_06:So, yes, most parents do. So basically, yes, you want to part the doors, and you it's like a credit card swipe, which every parent is very familiar with.
SPEAKER_02:Um, you want to swipe the credit card, get those chase outfire points, get your free trip to Paris, and clean out the vulva. Yes.
SPEAKER_06:Your your child free trip to Paris. Yes.
SPEAKER_02:And wipe from top to bottom, which is also the title of Gavin's autobiography. Totally.
SPEAKER_01:Um, and but also we should basically refer to then female anatomy like the region as the vulva more than we should the vagina, technically. Is that right?
SPEAKER_06:I mean, kind of. I the reason that I refer to it as a vagina as a whole is because, and this gets a little dark, but if your child, if anyone ever touches your child in a way that you don't want them to, you want them to use the word vagina because that is the word that everyone recognizes.
SPEAKER_05:Got it, got it.
SPEAKER_06:So it's easiest to just label the entire thing as vagina, and hopefully you never need to worry about that. But if you know, if you have taught that word, then you never have to worry that a teacher or a principal or a friend is not gonna understand what the kid's saying.
SPEAKER_02:That's yeah, makes perfect sense. That's amazing. And also I want to point out that like I I think it was a couple episodes ago I was talking about my pediatrician and how much I appreciate and I hope most pediatricians do, which is before when my daughter became I I want to say around two or so, every time we would do an exam, the doctor would say, Now I want you to understand talking to my Daughter. I want you to know that only uh uh only your your parents and a doctor with your parents in the room are allowed to touch your private air. Like started that conversation going, and I brought it up as my something great a couple weeks ago because you know, I I think about okay, you gotta teach your daughter to like your body's her own. But I always think, oh yeah, you know, when she's 10, 20, like 20. Like what I I just don't think it's this. But starting it young, and she goes, Yeah, this is nobody's allowed to touch this, was so important, and I so appreciated that. And I love that that's why you're saying just calling it a catch-all vagina is you know, no no pun intended, but like is is that I know that I know Gaben, you looked at me like, are you gonna pick up that? Okay, so so great. So we so we've kind of delved a little bit. Now I want to move into what are some things that parents of a girl, now that the the maybe the baby is now three, four, five in that range. What are some things that we should start thinking about when it comes to their health care?
SPEAKER_06:That she is not capable of wiping herself.
SPEAKER_05:Okay.
SPEAKER_06:Um, it is a very common thing the second a child learns to potty train, you're just so excited that you don't have to wipe their ass anymore that you say, go to the bathroom, do your thing, and come back. Um the majority of infections and rashes and uh discomfort that I see in that age group is from poop and pee that is left to sit there. So your child needs to learn, your daughter needs to be taught how to wipe herself. And it's there's a learning curve. She will wipe from back to front. Um, you're gonna have to tell her she's wiping her poop into her vagina. And it's it's going to be an experience. You're probably gonna have to do it in public at some point and private, you're gonna have to teach her, and she's gonna get it wrong in the beginning. Yeah. So you're gonna have to be going in and you're gonna have to be checking her and making sure she's a dry and b has no poop.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_06:So those are the two biggest things for that age group because they're learning to be independent with that activity. And for a man, they don't really have to worry about drying off. Right. You know, that's not that's not a a huge concern. But if you have a daughter who has pee sitting in her vagina all day, she's gonna get a yeast infection, she's gonna get a rash, she's gonna get a UTI. And that is not a uh, you know, that is not something that you want to have to deal with because girls are miserable when they don't feel well like that.
SPEAKER_01:And therefore the parents are miserable when the girls are miserable too. So by default. And so, but it all comes down to even when you are teaching your daughter, it all comes down to front to back. Even then. That's what they have to keep in mind.
SPEAKER_06:Yes. So you're teaching them to swipe the credit card early.
SPEAKER_01:Uh-huh. And and that will be a lesson that will serve them well forever, as long as you're rich.
SPEAKER_02:But as but also as as funny as it is, it like I hear what you're saying about like you don't want poop in your vagina. That is a simple, kind of easy way for them to kind of remember which because like front to back, like top to bottom. Like, I think that's a little harder, but like you don't want poop in your vagina, I think is a really nice way. Because I think at like my daughter's three, she can understand that, right? She doesn't always understand, like, you don't want a UTI because P in your understanding any of that stuff. Um, but also I remember our dentist saying, like, yes, your kids at at three, your kids and six, too. Your kids can brush their own teeth, but you should still be brushing their teeth because they still are not quite great at it, and it's going to lead to the tooth gain. You're saying it's the same thing. We're like, Yes, your daughter could probably wipe her own butt, but still be there, still do it with her. I yeah, that's that's great advice.
SPEAKER_06:One of the things that you could actually do to help her learn is you take clothespins and you stick them to the back of her pants, and you have her practice like a game, reaching behind her and taking the clothespins off. It gives them the uh ability and the muscle memory to reach behind and wipe. And if they're reaching behind to wipe, they can't wipe front back to front. Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_02:Interesting. Great life hack. Oh, a little fun game for for you know the Christmas party at Nan's. A birthday. A birthday party game. Yeah. Also, the amount of times, and you're saying like do it in public, the amount of times I've had to wipe my child's butt in in front of other people, like it's just it is the uh talk about shame. The amount of times that I have been so humiliated, I just I don't feel humiliation anymore.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah, I mean, I I had to do it, I was just at a brewery like a few weeks ago, and my daughter in the middle of the brewery in front of everyone had to change her diaper. She was trying to grab my beer as I was changing her diaper. You gotta let you let it just let it go.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_06:Anyone who judges you is the problem.
SPEAKER_02:Um, Dr. X, do you know this quote? You have a baby at a bar. Do you know that quote?
SPEAKER_06:Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:From Sweet Home, Alabama. Anyway, um, okay, so moving on. So now we have left our toddler, young preschooler. Now we're into like late first decade. So 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, right, right before we get to the preteen teen era. What are some things that as girl dads or girlparents we should know?
SPEAKER_06:Uh, they're already probably going to be starting puberty, believe it or not. So um the one of the biggest things um is that under the age of eight, if you notice any breast buds, any onion-y body odor smell, any body hair, it's too early and you need to go to the doctor.
SPEAKER_05:Okay.
SPEAKER_06:So anything under eight, get her checked.
SPEAKER_05:Okay.
SPEAKER_06:Eight and up, totally normal.
SPEAKER_01:Hmm.
SPEAKER_06:She's gonna start to smell.
SPEAKER_01:That's not in a we have too many hormones in our milk and kids are getting developing too early, or whether or not that's the case, you're saying eight and above is not abnormal. Start paying attention.
SPEAKER_06:Yes, yeah. So uh believe it or not, the uh endocrinology experts have actually confirmed that the hormones and the endocrine disruptors and all those things are causing an increased rate of precocious puberty. So um the, you know, the crunchy, the crunchy community won in that one, in that uh respect. But it's been the standard has been eight for a really long time. Um, you can expect breast buds anytime after like eight or older. Um, and that is when you'll really start to notice those things develop. And that is when you should start the discussions of safe sex, what's happening to her body. Um, you should have already at that point, because you know, we don't put enough pressure on parents already to do all the other things. Yeah, you should have already at that point started talking about body autonomy and who is allowed to touch you and consent. Um, but the beginning of puberty, the second that they start having those breast buds, is the second you start talking about the way their body will change and the way their relationships to others and their body changing can relate to each other.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. Yeah. I think I think our listener who reached out has a child about basically about to go through puberty and they were starting to panic about like, what do I do? You know, like with all of this stuff. So I I love that idea of bringing up the discussion. What how do you feel about as a as a doctor, at least, with the discussion when when you're talking about the discussion of puberty and what's happening in your bodies and what you're gonna start feeling is also the idea of sex for pleasure and not just sex for reproduction.
SPEAKER_06:I think that it is extremely important to normalize sex. Uh losing your virginity is not um, it is as big of a deal as your child wants it to be. Right? So it's their body. Um they are, you know, they're gonna have sex, they're gonna have sex for pleasure. It is, you know, it is something that is a normal part of life. And if you're teaching the birds and the bees as a way to reproduce, then you're not really being honest with your child.
SPEAKER_05:Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_06:So I I mean, and everyone has sex for fun.
SPEAKER_02:That is right. And and for crying, like me. On my example, I cry a lot during sex, but that's a that's a different story. Um, no, but you're right. No, I I brought I brought it up uh as a little test for you. You passed, by the way. Um is because I think there, that's what they're feeling. They're feeling the desire to feel it feels good. And if you've been told no, that's just for procreation, you should not enjoy this, they're gonna just get it elsewhere. They're gonna have information elsewhere.
SPEAKER_01:That's definitely another discussion uh of another like rabbit hole to be to go down. But I love that term. I just want to rephrase what you said. Losing their virginity is as big as a deal as they want it to be, and not what we want it to be. Although, even we who are pro-sex and sex positive, it does it's uh you said that, and I thought, I I clutched my pearls a little bit, being like, well, that's that's true. I'm the one making it into a big deal, I would say. And so and also I want to take a moment to just point out so much of all you're saying is just keeping open lines of communication and talking through it and talking through it and talking through it. We grew up, I grew up in the in the 1920s when sex ed didn't exist, and talking about the birds and the beast was absolutely something shoved under the rug. Although it was not. I mean, I had awkward conversations with my mom for sure, but not enough of them, and not enough of them, you know, everything is taboo or dirty or illicit, and so we wanna, I mean, taboo and illicit is fun, but we should talk about it some more. Let's talk about it, talk about it, talk about it, talk about it from age one.
SPEAKER_06:I completely agree. I also want to point out, too, that, you know, if your daughter isn't learning that sex is for pleasure, then if she's with someone who sucks at it, she's gonna have no idea that she's missing out on something. So, you know, uh it teaches communication in that way too. You, you know, she should communicate with her partner what her needs are. Yeah. And uh, that's something, you know, that is also uh a taboo topic that I feel like a lot of parents shy away from. But I can tell you that I get teenagers asking me about that during our visits. So that is something they care about. It's something they want to know. Also educating your child on all the different kinds of sex because they may not know who they're interested in at that point. So if you're only providing uh information on safe sex with the opposite sex, then they could be missing out. Uh maybe they're not interested in the opposite sex. And then they, you know, if it's uh if you have a daughter and she's interested in women and she is having sex with women, she might not be protecting herself during sex with a woman because she thinks she doesn't have to. Yeah. So it's uh the awkward conversations are supposed to be uncomfortable, but they're really important to have. And if you're not comfortable having them, totally fine. I get it. We'll do it for you.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. That's great. Or somebody else that you don't want answering for them. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Yeah. Do you have any suggestions for, for instance, if you're in the room with a young patient, um, a female who you can tell doesn't want to talk about things, but you're like, I I need to do this. Do you have any techniques for opening up that can of worms a little bit to just get them to talk?
SPEAKER_06:Yes. So I usually will try to get them to laugh. Um, some, you know, self-disparaging humor usually works a little bit. Um, I have the benefit of looking very young. So I usually, you know, make a comment about how I was uh their age not long ago. And uh, you know, I have been there done that. So there's no judgment from me. Um it's really important for them to feel like you don't think anything that they could bring up would be weird or awkward or uncomfortable. Even if you're dying inside, and I can tell you, I have been dying inside, but they have no idea. You're gonna, they're gonna say things that make you want to laugh. They're gonna say things that are just so absurd that you have to physically hold your mouth shut. But as long as you on the outside look like you are calm, cool, and collected, it'll make them open up more. Um thankfully, I wear a mask at my practice, so it hides my facial expressions. Um, if you don't have the benefit of that, then you gotta practice uh keeping a straight face.
SPEAKER_02:Do you have any suggestions for Gabin on how to keep his mouth shut? Because I've been working on that for about two years and it's not going very well.
SPEAKER_06:If I knew, I would have already used it.
SPEAKER_02:Absolutely fantastic. This, I mean, I get this has been just like so great. So even we're not even done, and I'm just like, I feel like our listener is just gonna be so excited about all the information we're getting from you. Um I like I'm overwhelmed. But okay, so I want to talk a little bit about being a doctor in 2025. And just in general, I know, well, I don't want to go too down far down this rabbit hole, but like tell me some things that you love about being a doctor right now in 2025 and what you think you are giving to the world that's good. And then I also want to hear like, what is so fucked up about your industry that you are desperate to change?
SPEAKER_06:Sure. So the the good thing or the the benefit of being a doctor now is that people are finally asking really the questions that they were thinking in their head, but were afraid to admit out loud. Um, and I have really enjoyed having really real conversations. I feel like in 2025, your doctors are real people now. You can be honest and open with them, and they are honest and open with you. You know, we're also real people going through real things. So uh, you know, it's as much as there's a lot going on in the world right now that maybe isn't so good, there's also an openness that there wasn't before. So I have really enjoyed being able to have the tougher conversations with, you know, my patients, but also the parents. And uh that has been something that I've really valued and I've seen change from, you know, 10 plus years ago when I entered medicine to now. I don't have to, I don't have to worry as much about what I'm saying, and they don't have to worry as much either. So, you know, we can talk about sex, we can talk about, you know, drugs, we can talk about alcohol, we can talk about um all of the hard things in parenting that are they they fucking suck. And you can admit that to your your patient and they they will agree with you.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah.
SPEAKER_06:And uh that way you can enjoy the the great things even more because it's a well-rounded experience. The the other side to that coin, though, is that there are some people who get their information from really interesting places.
SPEAKER_01:Social media makes it the best of times. Yeah, it makes it the best of times and the worst of times, huh? Like it de Yes, it destigmatizes so many topics that you were just saying, and so we have an open more open dialogue, but there's literal misinformation, huh?
SPEAKER_06:So much misinformation, and I mean some of it is nuts, but the the misinformation is so rampant that it's making it impossible for us to protect kids sometimes, vaccinate, um, you know, get them uh, you know, the the help they need in teenagehood. It's really been quite the challenge. Um and we, as at least in the pediatric world, I can't really speak to the adult world, but we in the pediatric world are really trying to find a way to spread accurate information, let people make their own choices, but with the correct information. Yeah. And uh, you know, not lose our minds while we do it.
SPEAKER_02:But also you have to I I appreciate pediatric practices who don't have time for your bullshit that will affect the health of their people. So, like during the whole like, oh, COVID thing, and also vaccines cause Tylenol or whatever the fuck the thing was, where you're like, sorry, if you want to not vaccinate your child, find another fucking place. You can't be here, you can't be amongst our people. And so I think that's probably awkward. That's probably something that you as a pediatric practice have never really had to stand up for because everyone kind of agreed, like, oh yeah, let's let's take our vaccines. Where now you have to decide, are we a practice who says no? Are we a practice who goes, well, if your if your deeply held religious beliefs tell you that you should wipe dirt on your vagina to clear the urinary tract infection, then we respect that, right? I don't respect it. I'm glad that some pediatricians don't.
SPEAKER_06:No, yeah, it's definitely. I mean, it is uh it is really it's freeing in a way for us to to be able to say, no, this is what we stand for, and you know, our priority is your child's health. And that is, you know, of course we're using evidence-based information to to advise you. Um, but if you are not willing to listen or, you know, have a discussion with us, then maybe you need to be in a place where that provider shares your beliefs.
SPEAKER_02:I do not want to be wherever that is. Yeah, I don't want to do that.
SPEAKER_06:Me neither. Yeah. I don't really want measles.
SPEAKER_01:I don't want to get it from your child. Have you found any ways, though, going back to what you said of trying to find the way to spread the right information? I mean, is there something going on to help counter misinformation constructively yet?
SPEAKER_06:I think that believe it or not, social media is kind of what we're doing, which makes sense. Is it really the best?
SPEAKER_01:But it's where people are quite literally, right? Quite literally fighting fire with fire with the same tools and everything. Then also, though, going back to something else you said, there's some batshit stuff out there that you're hearing. Can you share some of the nonsense that you has most made you gaffaw?
SPEAKER_06:Yes. Um, I had a parent tell me that they didn't want to give their child the, you know, their vaccines because they they didn't get vaccinated. And then the next visit, the the other parent came with the with the child. So it was the dad who said, no, no, I'm not doing that. I didn't get vaccines. The next visit, the other parent and the dad's parent came to the visit. And turns out that that dad got every single vaccine.
SPEAKER_02:Of course he did. Of course he did. So he just doesn't remember it. Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_06:He just doesn't remember it. I've heard people say that they didn't want their kid to have Tylenol after the vaccines because they were afraid it would cause autism. Those are the those are the things that used to be wild to hear now, no longer are making me, you know, my open my mouth in shock. But I I have had, you know, I've had parents who will tell me I'm not giving my child this antibiotic because it's based in mold penicillin.
SPEAKER_01:Okay. Right. I mean, you I see the I see the link.
SPEAKER_02:Strawberries are grown with like compost manure as they're fertilizer. You're not eating shit.
SPEAKER_00:What is what is cheese? What is cheese on the other thing?
SPEAKER_06:I mean even if even if you even if you buy organic, freshly, you know, local farm strawberries, they're gonna have a little bit of shit on it. A little bit of shit.
SPEAKER_02:And also as gay men, we're familiar with a lot of shit. Do you know what I mean? Just like a little bit of a shit. And if you're a parent, you're familiar with a lot of fucking shit.
SPEAKER_06:And you're still standing.
SPEAKER_02:I'm still standing.
SPEAKER_01:I'm technically standing, but yes, I'm still standing to this actually reminds me of the the the plague that I was least expect uh least expecting as a parent of a young kid back in kindergarten days was when the teacher sent out a an APB that we had pinworms in the class. And I had to Google, what the hell are pinworms? And we were walking around clutching our pearls an awful lot in the class, saying, Oh my god, this is awful, this is awful, this is awful. But and one very smart parent said, you know what? We had it as a family, it spread in that apartment. It actually wasn't that big a deal. And our doctor said, This is what is supposed to be happening. We are supposed to be it's strengthening our immune systems. This is not that big a deal. It's not a massive tragedy, it's annoying, but he's like, But this is the reality of the world. We get exposed to germs and shit, and and shit happens.
SPEAKER_02:So shit happens, but also the shame, like Gamin, you're talking about like this what it it all it's it's big in like the STI world, right? Like I'm ashamed of whatever I'm feeling or happening, or the idea of a herpes or gottery or whatever, and so we don't talk about it or we adjust our behavior instead of being like we have to talk about this stuff to keep ourselves protected, and like you say with the pen words that we were ashamed and we kept our mouths shut, people gonna you know, it it it so taking a little bit of uh the shame out of it, I think, especially as parents, oh my god, is so important when it comes to sex or uh consent or all of that kind of stuff.
SPEAKER_06:Um I completely agree. Fun fact in a standard STI panel, we actually don't test for herpes anymore because everyone has everyone has gotten a cold disorder, now they have herpes at home. Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_02:So you um also uh have spent some time with the the sector of healthcare that deals with uh obesity and autism. I want to we don't have that much time left, but I wanted to talk a little bit about that because I think uh autism especially is having a little bit of a invisibility moment right now, and I think certainly we'll get confused. Um obesity also, not only with like the GLP ones and stuff, but just in general, Americans obesity, I'm especially interested as it relates to children and being a parent and what we can do to kind of help, if any, with anything like that.
SPEAKER_06:I think the biggest thing is making sure that your child is following body positive people on social media because it is while it is true that every person can be healthy and look a different way, it's also important to make sure that your child has good role models that they're seeing on screens, because let's be honest, our children are looking at screens like 90% of the time. So uh people like Alona Mar, you know, those athletes, the the especially girls, but boys too. Um, you know, you want to make sure that they're yeah, that they're that they're looking at people who all look different ways and are all setting examples of healthy habits.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, not just fucking peptides and cryptocurrency. It's like, come on, guys, there is some world.
SPEAKER_06:If I have one more teenage boy tell me that he's taking creatine and 50 other supplements because someone on social media told me told him that it was a good idea.
SPEAKER_00:He would get a six-pack if he did that.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah, my brain will explode. I feel like I have that conversation like five times a week.
SPEAKER_05:Wow.
SPEAKER_06:But it is such a problem. And I think, you know, neurodivergent, neurotypical, any child is easily influenced by the people around them. So do I care, you know, more than I probably should about how I look, especially after giving birth? Yeah. Do I want my child to know that? Probably not. You know, uh the way that I speak about it, I have to be careful because, you know, she's she's six months old, so she doesn't know what the fuck I'm saying right now. But when, you know, when she's old enough to understand, I don't want her to remember uh, you know, oh, my mom was uh talking shit about her body. So that's how I should talk.
SPEAKER_05:Right now.
SPEAKER_06:Um, and I do weight management at my, you know, at my day-to-day job. And one of the things that I talk about is how I could care less what your weight is on a scale. What I care about is actually your numbers, your cholesterol, your insulin, your A1C, how healthy you are. Are you exercising? And like the majority of the world doesn't like to exercise. They don't like to eat healthy. Food tastes good. So it's about balance. And um, that is something that parents have to model. And I will be the first person to admit that I don't always do that. So I think it's something that's really important for parents to just get in the habit of doing from when their kids are really young so that it becomes second nature. Um, neurodivergent children, autistic children are at even higher risk because oftentimes they have sensory aversions, they don't have the best diets sometimes because of texture issues or taste issues. So modeling healthy behaviors and setting a good example is important. So as much as you may not want to, I mean, I have a Peloton bike behind me that I have not used in six months, but as, you know, as much as you may not feel like your best version of yourself every day, you know, your child should while not thinking that everything is perfect and and rosy all the time, should at least you know not be putting themselves down because they see you do it.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I I I for sure made that mistake. And it was one of the one of those times as a parent I realized that the weight and the enormity of my role as a dad was I have a very negative kind of uh relationship with my own body, it opens towards I've always been a little bit chubby, and even though from the outside looking just like a regular, I'm always lifting up my shirt in the mirror to kind of turn to the side. Like I'm doing that a lot. And my kids started noticing it and started saying, Daddy, why are you always lifting up your shirt? And my husband was like, Stop that shit now. And I realized because in my brain, I was like, no, no, you guys, you're beautiful beautiful. Daddy's body is fucking disgusting, nobody loves me. And I was like, oh no, they're why they're I'm modeling it for them. And that was one of those moments when I was like, oh no, this is this is it's exactly what you're talking about. This is my job as a parentist, too. Whether I feel it or not, even if I feel that I'm modeling how much I love my body for them.
SPEAKER_01:And that the that overarching sense of body um just that dysmorphia and the self-regard is just as prevalent as you were saying, uh, Dr. X in um boys as it is as it is in girls. Two years ago, my son had a text read going on with friends, and they were all comparing whether or not they had six-pack abs. And I thought, uh you kids are ten. Like if you do or you don't, it's this is absurd. Why are we having this conversation? And the parents were talking about how they were all comparing the boys were comparing each other's uh to each other uh based on who had six-pack abs. And my son is a real athlete and naturally is very lean, and my daughter's like, Why can't I have six pack abs like him? And I'm like, Oh my god, this is because she's not taking creatine, Gavin. Send her the TikToks.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah, clearly she's not on YouTube.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, well, oh sadly. Right.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah, it's I mean, I fake it till you make it. Yeah. I I cannot, I could name on one hand the amount of people I know who, you know, are always positive about their body. Um, I I mean, you're talking to someone who went on a GLP one like three months after giving birth. So I will be the first person to admit, you know, I am some I uh some of what I say can be hypocritical.
SPEAKER_02:Um welcome home, baby. You're in the right place. You're in the right place. We are hypocrites, if not anything.
SPEAKER_06:But it's so important to just always be you don't have to be perfect, but you have to try your best, at least like 50% of the time. Yeah, well, Dr.
SPEAKER_01:X, I love that. Yeah, this is already 50% is probably beyond the threshold that we deserve here at Gatriarchs. And you have brought another level of uh legitimacy to us today that we're a little embarrassed that we don't get it. Yeah, we don't deserve you. But I hope that we can have an ongoing conversation. Maybe it's uh uh a little tea time with Dr. X is uh our next our our next series that we will only occasionally come back to, uh, which is no reflection on you, but only on our idiocy and hypocrisy. But Dr. X, please tell us um what uh is what comes to mind when we think about that moment that you will never forget in your parenting journey that you think, wow, the shit really hit the fan this time.
SPEAKER_06:Well, uh about two months ago, um, I was playing with my daughter in bed and she baby bird threw up into my mouth.
SPEAKER_02:And no, you didn't you didn't even warm us up for that one.
SPEAKER_06:You just nope, but you know what? I didn't return her.
SPEAKER_00:So did you you didn't reciprocate?
SPEAKER_06:Um no, nope. I didn't bring her back to the hospital and say, can I exchange? Oh my god. I didn't, you know, I didn't throw back throw up back onto her. It was honestly, it was the hardest thing I have ever done, with the exception of being cut open the day after my baby shower to have her.
SPEAKER_02:Oh my god. I I just I think we all, all of our listener was just with you in that moment and all collectively screamed in our cars or wherever we're listening to this podcast because we all know that that is a risk, and you unfortunately fell victim to that. Oh my god. I like it is one of those moments where I go, what do you do? Image what do you do first? What do you how do I rectify the situation? I don't know what to do right now.
SPEAKER_06:Well, I'll tell you, my husband was laughing his ass off next to me. So oh man.
SPEAKER_00:In that case, he's he's given a pass for that because that is funny as shit.
SPEAKER_06:Yep, it is definitely we pediatric providers are not immune.
SPEAKER_02:No, no, because you're a parent. You're just a crazy ass person who wanted to get on this wild train ride with us. Dr. X, you are inarguably our most informative, the best guest we have ever had. I'm so thankful you came on. I think you've done so much good for a lot of parents out there who are like myself who feel uncomfortable asking the hard questions, but know they need to to be great dad. So thank you for demeaning yourself by being on our stupid little podcast.
SPEAKER_06:Well, thank you for having me. I think that it's it's really important uh to you know provide that information and thank you guys for giving me a platform to do so. I think uh, you know, it's hopefully been helpful. And and uh if if anyone has any of those awkward questions they don't want to ask their doctor and they want to ask me, feel free. Um I will I will always keep it real.
SPEAKER_01:Tea time with Dr. X. Thank you so much. Okay, I'm really excited about our something great. Okay. Many times we've talked about podcasts we like, and I don't think I've mentioned one that I've listened to for years called Articles of Interest. It's like the history of fashion. Now, before you roll your eyes about the pearls and purses I'm spraying, it's not like what Christian Dior designed in 1961, but it's like how were pockets designed? How did baseball caps get made? And this is uh season that was entirely focused on outdoor gear, and in particular, there's one episode about camouflage that is absolutely fascinating, and it's a reminder of how when you sometimes don't feel seen, suddenly your people pop up in unexpected places. And not that anything about this is gay at all, but it's about how people actually make fashion choices to bring about a camouflage. And I'm just telling you that it is something great. Articles of interest.
SPEAKER_02:Well, you know, I'm it never ceases to amaze me when our something greats align. But by the way, listener out there, we don't Gavin and I keep them a secret with each other. We don't communicate, we don't communicate whatever, we just do it. And I'm it is more often than not they are thematically together. So my something great this week is um it's one of those level ups in parenting that you don't think about prior to, but when you're in the trenches, you realize what a big deal it is. My kids, it is now winter to where we are. My kids putting kids' fingers um in clutch pain is inarguably the worst part about parenting. Um it can really make you suicidal. Um the day your kids understand the concept of wiggling their fingers before to get in every little hole is magical. And it happened this week with my three-year-old. My three-year-old now understands the concept of every finger goes into one of the fingers and you wiggle them until they're around or whatever. And it has made getting ready to go outside so much easier, so much less for us. And it it's small, but it is very much something great. And that is our show. If you have any comment, suggestions, or general compliments, you can email us at gatriarchspodcast at gmail.com.
SPEAKER_01:Or you can DM us on Instagram. We are at Gatriarchspodcast. On the internet, David is at DavidFM VaughnEverywhere, and Gavin is at wigglyfingers on nothing. Please give us. That's not how we do it. It's at Gavin.
SPEAKER_04:It's okay.
SPEAKER_02:I was gonna let it slide, honestly. Do you want to do it again?
SPEAKER_03:No, just keep going.
SPEAKER_02:Please leave us a glowing five-star review wherever you get your podcasts.
SPEAKER_00:Thanks. And we'll wiggly finger use next to the episode of Gatriar.
SPEAKER_02:Sorry, everyone.
