Want Goals Achieved? Start with Tiny Habits Formed

Many of us want major life changes but struggle with where to start. The key is beginning with simple, repeatable actions that over time, become habits and ultimately add up to your ideal lifestyle. In this week's episode, Laurie breaks down the progression of turning single decisions into automatic behaviors into your realized best life vision. She'll explain why you need to level-up your habits to achieve your goals. You'll walk away with an understanding of how to implement small steps today to actualize your big, best life dreams.

LINKS AND MENTIONS:
🎙Ep. 44: One Thing at a Time: The Key to Creating Your Best Year Ever

📒BEST LIFE Daily Planner + Habit Tracker

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Transcript

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In today's episode of the school of mid-life podcast. We're talking about how it's the new habits that we create that will have the biggest impact on whether or not we ultimately achieve our goals. So stay tuned. Welcome to the School of Midlife podcast. I'm Laurie Reynoldson, former award-winning attorney turned high performance coach for midlife women. I designed this podcast is your go-to place for weekly midlife inspiration, step-by-step actionable coaching and candid conversations about mid-life relationships, career moves, money, menopause, and so much more. So take out your reading glasses and notebooks. My friends, because the School of Midlife is in session. Hi there. Welcome back to the school of mid-life podcast. I'm your host, Laurie Reynoldson and today we're talking about habits and in particular, how it's those new habits that you create that will have the biggest impact on whether or not you ultimately achieve your goals? For the last three to four weeks, we've been talking about goal setting on the school of midlife podcast. Well, Not expressly setting goals. Like, I mean, we haven't been talking about what goals are you setting this year? Instead, we have been approaching it in. more of a nuanced fashion. Like. Let's figure out what's important to you in your life so that you can create a life around that. So in theory, that's the exact type of goal-setting we should be doing. Which is. And in fact, instead of calling it, goal-setting, let's call it. Living plain and simple. What kind of life do you want to live? What kind of life do you want to lead? What kind of life do you want to have? Those are the big questions. And. For the last three to four weeks, we've been looking at. What kind of life we want to live. We started by looking at last year. How was it? You know, we completed a deep dive of a review of last year. We answered a whole lot of questions. Like when were you the happiest? When were you unhappy? What were the biggest challenges you overcame? What were the most important lessons you learned? And then by using those answers, we narrowed it down to two things. Well, one thing really, but we started with two. What do you want more of in your life in 2024? And what do you want less of in your life in 2024? So we looked at. Experiences and people and things and places. And we ask ourselves whether we were going to take more of those with us into 20, 24 or. Leave some of them in 2023. And then after deciding what we wanted more of and less of in the coming year. We identified the one decision we could make. Or the one action we could take that would have the biggest impact on our lives in 2024. I call that the one thing. And if you want to have a better understanding of what to do with the one thing after you figure out what it is. Then go back and listen to last week's episode. Which is episode 44, called one thing at a time, the key to creating your best life ever. I will drop a clickable link in the show notes for you. But with that background and all of that context today, I want to talk about habits. Interesting Lee. Interestingly. Well, Interesting to me anyway. I haven't done an episode focus only on habits before, which seems crazy to me because they're such an important part of the becoming the, the whole idea of midlife best life is based on a three-part foundation. All equally important, somewhat related. So think of, think of like a step stool maybe. But old school step stool with three legs, not the new small ladder type step stools, but old school stepstool. Three legs. The first part of that foundation is knowing what you want. Not what you've been taught to want by your parents or conditioned to want by society, but what you actually want. So that's the first piece. Then the second piece of the foundation is how do you define success? Is it actually the big career title and the paycheck that comes with a corner office. Or is it less traditional successful than that? Like for me, success is doing what I want to do when I want to do it with whom I want to spend my time with. And yes, it is whom. The grammar nerd in me feels compelled to point that out that it might sound wrong, but it's correct. So in case you missed it because of the grammar side, tangent. My definition of success Is doing what I want to do, what I want to do it with whom I want to spend time. That's my definition of success. Your welcome to use that if it serves you or you can come up with your own definition, it doesn't matter, but it's important. Whatever your definition is that, you know how you define success. And finally the third part of the foundation is what does your best life look like? If I could wave a magic wand right now. And you'd be living your best life. What kind of life would you magically be transported to? Do you have any idea? I mean when I think of. My best life. I think of answering questions. Like where would I be? What would I be doing? Who's with me. How does best life me live? What, what does she do? How does she spend her time? Who she, with those kinds of questions? And the more specific, the more concrete you can be with your answers. The better. So before we move on, if you haven't already done this. I invite you to close your eyes and imagine your best year. And come up with. What, what do you see? What do you feel? What, what sounds are around you? I mean, really transport yourself. Two. Smack dab in the best year you've ever lived. What are you doing? That's what we're moving towards. When we talk about habits. So for most of us, What we want, what we call success, what our best lives look like. We don't actually. know yet we don't have that foundation. We certainly aren't there yet to mean there things that we're working on. I said a different way. Their goals, our best life. Is a goal. I've touched on this briefly before, but the fact that we have a goal. Means that we have a desire for something different. Something that we don't already have. Because you don't set a goal to stay in exactly the same place. Right. I mean, if we already had what we wanted, there'd be nothing to work on. Makes sense, right? So the ultimate goal is the life we want to live because that life is in some way different than the life we're currently living. Maybe the goal is to retire. Maybe the goal is to move to a different state or country. Maybe the goal is to start a nonprofit learned, to speak a new language, start playing pickleball, whatever your goals are, whatever you want to work on. But it's a goal because you don't have it right now. Your not there. If you would already achieved it, if you were already living it, it, it would just be your life. It wouldn't be a goal. The goal necessarily is a desire for something different. So how do we ultimately move towards the goal? You've probably heard the saying before, what got you here? Won't get you there. And it means that you need to grow and change and evolve. And learn new things to achieve something new. And that's the beauty of having a goal. It's not about the achievement. It's about the evolution of self. It's about what you're learning. It's about who you're becoming. It's about who do you have to become to achieve the goal? What habits are needed. What skills do you need to develop? What boundaries do you have to set to protect your time and energy or your, your schedule? Because you have a goal, which means you want something that you don't already have. You also need to become someone different than you are right now. Because. Just like the quote says. The tools, the skills, the habits that got you here. Won't get you there. You need to level up to step into your best life. You need to become someone. Who you aren't quite yet. And once, you know, your foundation, what you're working on once you know exactly what you want, how you define success and what your best life looks like. It's easier to figure out the new skills and habits you need to become the person who lives the best life you're wanting to live. So with all that, let's talk about habits. Let's start with what is a habit? I have to admit the more common something is the harder it is to describe it habits. I mean, we all know what they are. Right. We know them when we see them. But let's try and get a little bit more precise. A habit is a behavior that is repeated regularly. Usually subconsciously or without you having to directly think about it, you just do it. It's automatic. It's autopilot. There's no thinking you just do it. Turns out most habits have certain characteristics. There are four of them. Number one, like I just talked about they're automatic. You just do them without thinking about them. It's like brushing your teeth or putting your shoes and socks on in exactly the same wage day for me, I start with my right foot. Um, it's driving the same route home. Every day. It's again, it's automatic. It's just something you do. You don't have to think about it. It's you're on autopilot. Number two. Habits are repetitive. They are behaviors that are repeatedly done. In the same context on a regular basis. And it's that repetition. That consistency that creates the habit. Or actually develops into a habit over time. So you practice yoga every Monday and Thursday mornings. Or you take a relaxing bath before you go to bed every night. It's repetitive, you do them in the same context. So it doesn't have to be every day, but it could be Mondays and Thursdays when you practice yoga. It could be, it could be every day you take a relaxing bath before you go to bed every night. Number three, there's an identity formed around the habit. So when a habit becomes firmly established, It becomes who you are. It's intertwined with our self image and identity. We might say things like I am a runner. Or I always start my morning with coffee. Can you see how these habits shape our daily routines and our self perception and actually become part of our identity? I'm a runner. I always start my morning with coffee. Those are habits. That morphed into an identity. And number four. And this one is probably the most interesting to me. But there is some small reward or positive reinforcement related to the habit. And that's the thing that helps your brain to remember, to do the thing, the behavior of the habit. The reward can be like a new handbag or a new car. But more, oftentimes it's usually smaller than that. And when I say smaller, I mean, Like you can't see it because it's, it's chemical, it's biochemical, like the dopamine hit of checking your phone immediately. When you hear the text message alert, right. A new text message comes in your phone dings. You get a little hit of Dopamine, whether you realize it or not, it's a biochemical reward. It's psychological. And then if you see the Texas from someone. You want to get the text from the hit might be more impactful, more dopamine, which means you like it even more. And that's the same with most habits is there is some sort of reward. So, how do we use habits to help us achieve our goals? Are you familiar with the be, do have framework. It is a common framework for personal development and fulfillment that suggests focusing first on who you are. So the Be part. Then what you do. So your actions and work the do. And finally that will result in having certain possessions or external signs of success. The have. So Be. Do. Have.. Who do you have to be? What actions do you have to take to have the thing you want? So if we applied the be do have concept to midlife, what could that look like? Say you're a midlife woman, which shouldn't be too much of a stretch for our audience, but. You're a mid-life woman who is at, or very near the height of your career. Maybe you've spent decades developing your professional skills. Achieving career milestones. You've probably accumulating a lot of material, things like houses and cars and vacations and handbags. Different things that. Reflect success that by all outward appearances look like you're successful. Can you picture that? Does, does that sound or feel familiar to you? My guess is for many of you, it does sound familiar. But it's midlife. We've worked our asses off for a long time to get here. And because it's midlife, we start to have questions like. Did I neglect other aspects of my life. My relationships perhaps. My own health and wellness, maybe. And we start thinking beyond the right now and wonder what's next. Here's how the be, do have framework could apply. Many midlife women make take time to, once we're asking those questions, we want to reconnect with say our core values. Or passions. The sense of purpose outside of work achievements. So what does that best life look like? The have who do we have to be to live our best life? The be. And then maybe we start focusing on personal growth and fulfillment versus external validation. So. Instead of. Focusing more on what our life looks like to everyone else outside of us, we focus more on what's important to us because we are. Placing a greater. Importance on personal growth and fulfillment versus the external validation. So that is the, do. And then once. We reconnect with who we are and what we want. Then we can determine if career shifts or new challenges align with this. New evolved sense of identity and legacy. Does this fit with our concept of the best life? The have. So, be, do, have.. And habits play the biggest role in the do. Because there are those repetitive routine behaviors that we automatically do without thinking. And it's likely that future you. Best life. You has different habits than current. You. Because, like we were talking about before, what got you here? Won't get you there. in order to have what we don't have yet, we have to be someone who does different things, see how this all fits together. It makes perfect sense. Doesn't it? The other thing that's interesting about habits when it comes to be, do have. His habits usually become part of our identity. What may start as a new action. Once it's repeated over time, it becomes a habit. And then it's just how we live and how we behave. And then ultimately it's part of our identity. Like we talked about earlier, I'm a runner. Um, it could also be, I am not a smoker. Here's another example. Best life you makes your mental wellbeing a priority. So that's what we're working towards. That's the have. This year. You decide to start with a specific action. You decide to meditate every morning. That's the do. That's the action. The morning meditation. At first meditation might take some deliberate effort on your part. Like you have to. You have to make time for it. You have to figure out how you're going to meditate. Is it just breath work. Is there a more concrete framework involved? Maybe you'll work with a coach or dial up an app on your phone. But in the beginning, there's some. Effort and planning required of you. It's not automatic. But over time, it starts to become a habit, just a regular part of your daily routine. It's it's automatic. You don't have to think about it or plan for it. It's just part of who you are and what you do in the morning, much like brushing your teeth or washing your face. So meditation becomes an established habit. Which then transforms into a consistent behavior that is ultimately integrated into your lifestyle. And that's how it becomes part of your identity. It's just who you are, your someone who meditates daily. And that identity. Was born out of a habit. See how that works. The habits. You'll want to introduce into your life. At this point will depend entirely on what your best life looks like. Who best life you is and how best life you lives. Her life. Most habits will probably relate to health and wellness and mindset. And that's because if you aren't healthy, it's very hard to focus on anything else. there's a quote out there and I, I don't know who said it and it's it's about men, but I'm going to change it up a little bit because. We're midlife women here on the school of midlife podcast, but the quote is a healthy woman, has many dreams. An unhealthy woman has one. And of course, that makes sense because if you're not healthy, all you want to do is get healthy. If you're sick, your entire focus is on getting better. So if you're not healthy, You have a very limited focus. And the healthy woman. Like the world is her oyster. Anything is possible. She has all of these dreams. So we will find that most of the habits that we're talking about to. Live. Your best life. Most of them will likely relate to health. And wellness and mindset. Depending on how best life you've lived, her life. Those habits you might want to start, could include. Drinking enough water every day, getting some sort of exercise. Eating to properly fuel your body. maybe Limiting or eliminating alcohol. Getting enough sleep. I don't know about you, but the older I get, the more I am understanding how important sleep is lake it's the most important of all of the habits. But the habits you choose to adopt will relate directly to what you want to have. Who do you want to be? What do you need to do? When developing new habits, a lot of people find success through practice called habit stacking. That is You add a new action or habit to something that you're already doing? You want to start flossing each night, Stack the new flossing habit with brushing your teeth. Because you're already brushing your teeth. You're already a toothbrusher. Anyone remember the PSA commercial when we were kids. They call me yuck mouth cuz I don't brush. We don't. Yeah, we don't have those kind of PSA's on the TV anymore. Do we? But I always remember yuck mouth. When, when anybody talks to me about brushing their teeth, I, I always go there with that green. Character with kind of the unruly hair and like just a circle for a body and then some legs. Uh, Mr. Yuck. Mouth. Yuck mouth. Cause he doesn't brush. Anyway. You're not a yuck mouth, right? Because you brush your teeth every night. You are a tooth brusher. So if you want to get back to habit stacking, if you store the floss in the same drawer where the toothpaste is, And then you grab both of them out of the drawer. When it's time to brush your teeth, you'll brush your teeth. And then it's easier to remember to floss before you go to bed. Because you're already brushing your teeth. You've got the toothpaste there, the toothbrush there, the floss there. So you can just stack one habit after the next and over time then. You'll become someone who brushes her teeth and flosses every night before bed. Another example of habit stacking is maybe you want to drink more water during the day. And this is, this is what I do. I highly recommended if you're trying to drink more water during the day. Before you go to bed. fill a water bottle full of water. Put it on your nightstand. That way, a couple of things are great here, but if you wake up thirsty during the night, you don't have to disrupt your sleep by getting up and walking to the kitchen, turning on all the lights, pouring a glass of water because the water is right there. It's right by your bedside. Then before you get out of bed in the morning, which you're going to do every morning, right? You're going to, you're going to get out of bed every day. Drink, whatever water is left in the water bottle. Which it's great because you're already be hydrated from seven to eight hours of sleeping and not drinking water. So it's good for you to drink some water when you first wake up anyway. And because it's on your bedside table, you'll reach for the water before your first cup of coffee. So that's another example of habit stacking. Another tool for developing new habits is to. Track the actions you're taking relating to the new habit. Um, it could be, you have a checklist and each day you complete the habit, you check it off. If you're say trying to drink less alcohol, maybe you keep track of how many drinks you have. If you're focused on eating better. Then track your meals. And it doesn't necessarily have to be that you track down to the macros and the calories, although you can totally do that. If that's important to you. But maybe you're noticing a connection between how much sugar you eat and how you feel throughout the day. When you're eating more sugar, maybe you get that mid morning headache. For the late afternoon energy dip, or maybe you even notice that you're having trouble sleeping. But to get to the root of those issues and create a habit of eating better in this case, less sugar. You write down what you're eating. So maybe it's eggs and toast for breakfast, chicken salad for lunch, salmon and asparagus for dinner. Again, this can be very high level without getting into calorie, counting, or keeping track of the macros. But you are. Tracking the actions that you're taking relating to the new habit. You're either keeping a checklist. You're writing things down, something to prove to yourself that you did it. What's really interesting is at some point. You won't have to write it down anymore. You won't have to remind yourself to take the action. And that's when you know that the habit has stuck. If you're looking for habit tracker that will track all of your healthy lifestyle habits. There's a daily tracker inside of the BEST LIFE Daily Planner and Habit Tracker. It tracks sleep. And water and food and exercise. It keeps track of whether you did your morning routine. If you have a morning routine or you're trying to establish one. It can keep track of your daily weight. If that's something that's important to you. All of the typical healthy life habits are all together. In the BEST LIFE Daily Planner and Habit Tracker. And that's just one of the scientifically proven systems to help you create your best life. And the. Great part is they're only 10 bucks right now. So you get a quarterly undated planner. Quarterly. So each planner includes 13 weeks of a two page daily layout. And it's quarterly too, because it's small enough to take with you so you can drop it in your handbag or your work bag. It's super easy. It's a great size. And it's undated. So you can start at any time Unlike most planners, you won't have to pay for pages that you can't use because those planners started on January one and. Now it's January 16th when this episode drops or maybe it'll even be May 3rd when you finally listened to it. But it's undated. So you can start at any time and you won't have unused throwaway pages. So it's the BEST LIFE Daily Planner and Habit Tracker it's just$10. i will include a clickable link in the show notes so you can order yours and start tracking your healthy habits as soon as you get it To summarize then in order to. Get where you want to go. To live the life you want to live. You're going to necessarily have to create new and different habits because you're going to have to live in a different way than you're living right now. You're going to have to become someone who you aren't quite yet. That doesn't mean you have to throw away all of the experience and skills and habits that you have until now up until this point. But you do need to be mindful of the skills and the habits that will get you from where you are now to where you were going. The easiest way to develop new habits. Is to stack them with other habits that you're already doing. And always keep in mind the be, do have model. Who do you need to be? What do you need to do to have the Life and experience that you long to have. And together with that. What are the habits and skills that you need to introduce into your life? To make that a reality for you. So tell me Now you know what goals you're working on this year to help you create your best life What actions do you need to start or stop doing? What habits do you need to create i would love to know. Especially if you need some help setting up the system for the habit. It could be I mean we could do a whole nother episode on the school of midlife podcast if i know that's important to you or you have questions about it. You can always drop me an email um i my email addresses below or you can send me a dm on instagram. I respond to all messages personally it's not my va it's me and i would love to hear from you. Looking ahead to next week i'm very excited to bring you a guest interview about healthy habits and in particular alcohol in midlife This one will be especially good for any of you currently doing Dry January or if you've ever been sober curious. Not not because you have a drinking problem but maybe you're like me and you just don't feel great even after one glass of wine anymore. For me i can't sleep, i wake up with night sweats that aren't the menopausal kind, i wake up with a headache. Anyway next week there's a great interview on tap and you won't want to miss it. And with that let's wrap it up i i'm so grateful that you were here today. It it means so much to me to have you here. As you might know my mission is to give midlife women the tools and information and permission to make midlife their best life Without the midlife crisis. So no midlife crisis required and i absolutely could not do it without you As i work to grow the podcast audience it would be such a help if you would forward this episode to a friend or two and please make sure that you're following the podcasts. That's the easiest and most important thing For growth and reach of the podcast. Thank you so much for being here. Make it a great week, and i'll see you right back here next week when the School of Midlife is back in session Thank you so much for listening to this episode of the school of mid-life podcast. It means so much to have you here. My mission is to give all women the tools, mindset, shifts, and permission to make midlife their very best life. And I absolutely could not do it without you. Would you help me spread the word about the podcast by going to ratethispodcast.com/schoolofmidlife and leave us a rating. If you can spare a minute, I'd be honored. If you'd leave us a review too. That's ratethispodcast.com/schoolofmidlife. Or you can click the link in the show notes. Thanks so much for being here. I'll see you back here next week when the school of midlife is back in session