Not Your Mother's Midlife

It's been one year since the first School of Midlife episode dropped!

To mark that milestone, it seemed only fitting to discuss how the School of Midlife was borne, and Laurie's vision for future of the company and this podcast. Suffice it to say, she has BIG PLANS for the role that the School of Midlife will play in the lives of midlife women everywhere.

We may be one year in, but we're just getting started!

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Transcript

0:01

How old is midlife? What makes this generation of midlife women different than all the others? And what role does the School of Midlife play in all of these conversations, all of this and more on this week's episode of the School of Midlife podcast. Let's get started. Welcome to the School of Midlife podcast. I'm your host, Laurie Reynoldson. this is the podcast for the woman who has everything she always thought she ever wanted career family, home cars, designer handbags, but now it's midlife and she can't quite shake the feeling that something is missing in her perfect life, that she was made for something more. She's wide awake at 2:00 AM asking herself big questions like: what do I want? Is it too late for me? And what's my legacy beyond my family and my work? Each week we're answering these questions and more. Let's make midlife your best life. Hey there. Welcome back to the School of Midlife podcast. I am your host, Laurie Reynoldson and I'm celebrating because today is the one year anniversary of the School of Midlife podcast.. Isn't that so exciting? To mark this milestone, I thought it would make sense to throw it back a bit to talk to you about why I do what I do with the School of Midlife and why it's so important to me. I've shared plenty of personal stories on the podcast over the past year, but I'm not sure I've ever gotten into the nitty gritty about why this matters so much to me. So, let me start by saying: the midlife we're going through as a women, this is not your mother's midlife experience. Certainly not your grandmother's midlife. I mean, they were old in their forties and fifties, remember? but the midlife we're going through now, this isn't even our mother's midlife experience. It used to be that for women, your forties and fifties signaled the beginning of the great let's call it. The great slowing down. The grand parenting, the coasting into retirement. The writing off of women's talents and abilities. And that, that great passing over of our contributions in the workplace, in the world. I mean, certainly we have spent our whole lives being passed over in the workplace, passed over for promotions that went to our male counterparts, working for 78 cents on the dollar. Conditioned to couch our contributions in meetings with apologies: like, I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense. Or I may not have the experience that everyone else does, but it seems to me. Only to have one man in the room mansplained to us, what he thinks is going on, while another man says exactly the same thing that we just said. But he gets all the credit, right? We've all been there. But workplace aside. When women aged into their forties and fifties, it was just assumed that they would go quietly into eventual retirement and grandparenting. Think about it. Most TV characters or movie characters or protagonists in books. They go from their twenties and thirties to their sixties with virtually no representation in between. Thankfully that starting to change with champions like Oprah Winfrey and Reese Witherspoon and Geena Davis and other women in media and Hollywood who are intentionally shining a light on the accomplishments of midlife women. But that hasn't always been the case. Enter Gen X women. Those women were born predominantly in the seventies and the eighties and. Between the years of 1967 and 1990. Like me, a gen X-er, those women are now aging into middle life. And instead of going quietly, I gotta tell ya. We are embracing midlife. And here's what I mean. Now midlife women are running marathons and winning pickleball tournaments. We are climbing mountains and swimming with the sharks literally and figuratively. We're traveling with our girlfriends to Italy spending afternoons, sipping Aperol spritzes on a Tuscan patio. And learning how to make pasta from flour and egg and hand tossing pizza dough for dinner. We're choosing to leave our careers in our fifties to spend a year or more RV'ing around the U S. Or to start the nonprofit that's been on our heart for years. We're writing bestselling books. We're learning to speak new languages. We're finding our voices and speaking up without waiting for an invitation. Or apologizing first. We're redefining the fashion industry by walking red carpets in whatever the hell we want to wear. That could be pantsuits and sneakers. It could be dresses and leather jackets. We're demanding hormone replacement therapy so we don't have to suffer through hot flashes. Or night sweats or anxiety and brain fog, just because we're told. Well, that's what happens in menopause. We're choosing to stay home with a good book, rather than going out to parties. We, we still want to be invited to the party. But we're probably going to stay home. Of course, when we go to the party, we're probably going to leave early to get a good night's sleep. We're linking arms with women everywhere to support them, to champion their dreams and ideas with the same enthusiasm as if those dreams and ideas were our own. And pushing it back against a society that tells us that other women are competition. And not to be trusted. embracing midlife with a curious optimism. How can I make midlife my best life? And it's to lock arms with and celebrate those midlife women that I created the School of Midlife. We are not winding down or slowing down exactly the opposite. In fact, we are just getting started. Now, maybe I should clarify this generation of midlife women. We are putting the kibosh on the ways in which we've been conditioned to take care of the needs of everyone else around us first. Our kids, our spouse, our partner, our parents, our coworkers, our communities. We've literally been working our whole lives to make the lives of the people around us better. And easier. And it's expected that we'll do so without complaint with smiles on our faces. And we're expected to be happy and satisfied and the most fulfilled when we focus on things that are important to others. Which means. Women in general and midlife women in particular, we wait to do the things that personally light us up. We wait until we have time or when the time is right for everyone else or when it's more convenient. I want to take a step back though and talk about what is midlife. By definition, it's the central period of a woman's life. Of or relating to middle-age. The period of life between 40 and 60. So purely by definition, midlife is defined by an age. Typically between 40 and 60. But listen to this. The average lifespan of a woman in the U S is 79.2 years. If you're listening from a developed country outside of the U S your life expectancy is higher. Well into the eighties, but if you're in the US, like I am, it's 79.2 years. And unfortunately it's also been declining for the last several years in a row. Which means. If mid-life is the middle part of life, then midlife now starts in your late thirties earlier than most people expect. And the certainly earlier than most women would begin to characterize themselves as midlife. But honestly, I don't think age is the best indicator of midlife. Instead based on the women who I work with and my coaching clients, I believe that mid-life is more of a frame of mind. It's an appreciation for what we bring to the table, regardless of our job titles or the accolades we've received. It's an understanding that our identities and our legacy should be something more than the roles we play in the life of others. It's a recognition that we only get one shot at this life and it's finally time. To start focusing on on ourselves for once. When you're no longer satisfied to be working for the sake of working. That's midlife. When you're no longer satisfied to be caring for everyone around you first and being satisfied with what's leftover well, that's midlife too. When you start asking big questions, like what's next for me? What am I supposed to do now? Why don't I feel like I'm made for something more? Why can't I just be happy with everything I already have? When you start asking those questions, any of them. Or something like those questions, then you've reached midlife. And because you've never asked yourself those questions before, you're probably also concerned that you might be having a midlife crisis. I wasn't planning to go there, but since I just mentioned it, Let's talk about midlife crisis as it pertains to women. Because it's different than a midlife crisis for a man. And even before I go there, Let me just say you might be concerned that you're having a midlife crisis, but trust me, you're not. Okay. So let's talk about midlife crisis. I know this is going to sound very stereotypical, but the stereotype exists for a reason. When men are having a midlife crisis, they get hair plugs or dye their hair. I'm not sure what their issue is with their hair, but they usually change it. And they have affairs with adoring, younger things at the office or the gym. Those. Those young things who pay attention to them and their egos feel. They like the way that feels, so they act on it. And we might as well throw in a sports car too; right? Because for men, the midlife crisis is external. You can see all of the changes. In women, a midlife crisis is the opposite. And I don't believe that crisis is the right word. It's more of an awakening or. Um, a renewal or a midlife, something new. But whatever we call it, in women, it's an inside job. We start questioning. We start pushing back against our conditioning. We start questioning whether, what we've been taught about our roles. Whether that's actually right. But instead of reaching out, most women typically suffer in silence. Here's what I mean by that. We stuff down those feelings way, way down, because we don't want anyone to know that we're struggling. Because we're smart. And we're capable. And we feel like we can figure this out on our own. Just like we always have done. And we also don't want to admit to having everything we always thought we ever wanted in life. But for some reason, it doesn't feel like enough. Like we want something more. Or something different. But we also don't know what that is. It just feels like something is missing. I get it. I've been there too. And I've also struggled with the feelings of guilt and shame that go along with all of that. Like, why can't I just be happy with everything I already have? I have a great life. What more could I possibly want? Why is it when people ask, if you're more like Alexander Hamilton or Aaron Burr, I just keep thinking that I'm more like Angelica, the one who will never be satisfied with what she has. And while that crisis or awakening or renewal or whatever you want to call, it may happen in your forties and fifties like it has traditionally happened. It might start earlier than that, like in your thirties, it may also extend later than your fifties and well into your sixties. All this to say, it's my opinion that we can do away with the midlife framework focused only on an age range instead. It's a frame of mind. So why is this generation of midlife women so much different than prior generations? Why is this not our mother's midlife that we're experiencing? It's because of how we were raised. Gen X was the first generation of latchkey kids. Is there a worst term out there? I don't know. But we came home from school, unlocked the door, made ourselves a snack. Did our homework. When we were done with our homework, we typically do some cleaning or laundry around the house. Maybe even start dinner. We were uber- responsible. We were also the first generation of women who were raised to believe that we could have it all. A career and a family, and it was delivered to us on the silver platter with the feeling that this would be easy to juggle it all, to achieve everything. Have the career, have the family and do it all swimmingly. Anyone remember that Enjoli perfume, commercial? I bring home the bacon fried up in a pan and never let you forget you're a man because I'm a woman. So let's just break that down for a minute. I work all day, make dinner and care for my family when I get home. And then I'll also have sex with you, dear husband, to treat you the way a man should be treated. Notice that nowhere in that commercial, was there any part about the woman doing something for herself? No. Absolutely not actually, that was in the Calgon bath bubble bath commercial, the Calgon take me away. Here's the reason I'm talking about commercials from the 1970s. That's what we were taught. That's what we strived for. And because we were the responsible latchkey kids who heard that we could absolutely do it all and have it all, it's like, we thought it was a competition. Like we had to do it all just to keep up. Work hard at work. Work hard at home, do all the things for all the people. Never complain. Which makes the questioning of our lives and the choices we've made up until now. Well, that questioning is new. Because we've just been expected to deal with it. And we have for decades. But now it's midlife. And we're finally realizing that we're running out of time, not to be macabre here, but we're all going to die. And most of us have a lot we still want to accomplish before we hang it up. So it starts feeling like. It's now or never, we, we don't want to run out of time. We get one shot at this life and we'd better make it a good one. But when you're ready to make some changes in midlife. There's really been nowhere to turn. Which is why I created the School of Midlife. You may know that I was a commercial real estate attorney for the first 20 years of my career. When I was on the verge of joining the partnership of a well respected super regional law firm-- so literally everything that I'd worked my entire career for up to that point-- partner in a large firm. And I'm in the partnership admission interview. And I was asked a question that really changed everything for me. And that was how will your job change if you're lucky enough to be invited to join the partnership? And I thought about it for a little bit and responded that not much would change. My title would change. So I'd go from Of Counsel, a title that frankly no one outside of the legal field really knows what it is. So I'd go from Of Counsel, the partner. So it would be easier for me to develop business and bring in new clients as a partner. So my title would change and also the way I was compensated: I'd make more money. But other than that, the way I was already working in the firm and leading the real estate department and bringing in the business and mentoring a new associates, nothing else would change only my title and the way I was compensated. And I listened to myself answering that question and I replayed that response over and over again for weeks afterwards. Not because I wanted to go back and change my answer or because it wasn't true. My answer was absolutely true. The only things that would change where my title and how I was compensated. But the reason I kept thinking about it. I'd never done anything in my life just for money. And at 44, I wasn't about to start. So several weeks after that partnership admission interview, I walked into the administrative partner's office and said, I'm gonna make this real easy on the partnership admission committee. I'm withdrawing my name from consideration partner. And I'm leaving the firm. And I walked out the door, grabbed a banker's box full of my personal belongings and the Mary Tyler Moore theme song"you're going to make it after all" was playing. As I walked out of the office building. I wish. It's all true. Except the last part, I give them a month's notice build a full days of work every day up until my last day, and then carried out my banker's boxes full of my personal belongings. With no backup plan. I had literally quit the job I'd been working my whole life for partnership in a large, super regional firm. With no backup plan. And there was nowhere for me to find community or answers as a professional woman in my mid forties, wondering what to do next. Believe me, I looked. I even looked on the internet for answers and you can Google a lot of things. But when you type in midlife woman transition, the only things that come up are, am I having a midlife crisis? And how do I control hot flashes and other symptoms related to menopause? I know, because I did exactly that I typed in midlife women in transition. And there was nothing that I was looking for. What's so interesting to me though. Was the number of women from all across the world who messaged me on LinkedIn When I changed my LinkedIn profile and they could tell that I had left the lop. They wanted to know how to make a career change in midlife. Like they wanted a step by step, how to guide. How can I walk away from the job I've trained my whole life for and deploy that experience in a different way? So I started coaching women and it became very apparent very quickly that while the coaching was focused on business coaching, These highly successful, talented, smart midlife women, they wanted coaching beyond business coaching as well. They were asking all the big life questions. What next? What do I do now? How can I find the fulfillment I'm looking for? And that's why the School of Midlife was started. My vision for the School of Midlife is to be the go-to place on the internet for all things relating to midlife women. To help them make midlife their best life. We're currently doing it through coaching and luxury retreats and this podcast. Within the next month or so we're launching a life changing group coaching program. It will provide the community component that's so many other coaching programs, lack. Which means there will be women just like you working through the program together. And supporting each other, doing life together. I could not be more excited about what's coming down the pike for the School of Midlife. I know I mentioned at the top of the episode that this is the one-year anniversary of this podcast. 55 episodes later, plus a handful of bonus episodes. And here we are. Thank you so much for listening over the past year. This is kind of fun: based on the number of downloads this year, the School of Midlife podcasts is in the top 25% of all podcasts. There are more than 4 million podcasts. Worldwide active. I, I can't believe it. Top 25% of all podcasts. Admittedly counting downloads. That's kind of a quirky way to measure the number of listeners. I mean, I can't remember the last time I downloaded a podcast episode. I mostly just stream them. And I'm guessing that you do too, but regardless, I'll take top 25% and that's all thanks to you. This year has been a huge learning curve for me, so I'm grateful that you've stuck around. Thank you so much for listening. Thank you too, for taking the time to click the five stars when you rate the podcast. That helps more than you could possibly know, because it suggests the podcast to other midlife women who are looking for content, just like this, that speaks to them. So when you rate the podcast, you're helping me get the word out. And I'm so grateful that you are helping me do that. Thanks to for writing a review. I personally read every single one of them. So thank you for taking the time. One thing I didn't know when I started this podcast a year ago, is that podcasts like this one typically have seasons. So you record for three months or six months, or like me 12 months. And then you take some time off between seasons. And that's exactly what I'm going to do. So. A little podcasting vacation, if you will, I'll be back with brand new episodes on May 7th. Between now, and then I may pop on with some bonuses or serve up some juicy replays. Mostly because it seems strange to me to take off when we're in such a great groove here, but I am very excited for what's in store for season two. And speaking of season two, I'm currently working on the programming for season two. I've been surveying women on social media and as part of my weekly newsletter. And I love it if you would take one minute and complete a simple three question survey. The survey is anonymous and it will literally take you less than a minute To complete. I'll drop a clickable link in the show notes. Thanks again for being here today. And for coming along with me over the course of the past year, I'm so grateful to spend some time with you each week. I'll see right back here. When the School of Midlife is back in session on May 7th. Until then take good care. Do you ever wish you had a community of midlife women who you could go to, to ask big life questions to have. Candid conversations about all of the things that come at us in midlife that no one else seems to be talking about. Well, great news. The School of Midlife is launching the, Your Next Chapter book club. Each month we'll be reading and discussing books that relate to the unique experiences of midlife women. It's free to join and we'd love to have you meet up with us and add your voice To these important discussions. Didn't have time to finish the book, but still interested in the conversation. No problem. Join us anyway. click the sign up link in the show notes and you'll automatically receive your invitation to join us. Get signed up, grab this month's book and start reading. And we'll look forward to seeing you at the book club this month where together we're helping each other make midlife our best life