Virginia Anzengruber: That's Not Funny

To kick off Season 6, Virginia Anzengruber (comedian, filmmaker, writer) joins Aaron McCall for a conversation about grief, comedy, and what it takes to keep creating when life gets heavy. She talks about loss, writing scripts that hold both humor and heartbreak, the grind of freelancing across film and TV, and the uneasy balance between survival and art.

Keep up with Virginia Anzengruber:
IG: @virginiaanzengruber

Tickets for “An Evening with Jim O’Heir” hosted by Virginia Anzengruber:
https://grcmc.org/event/an-evening-with-jim-o-heir/1135

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This episode is supported by:
Creative Mornings Grand Rapids
Merchants & Makers
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Writer/Producer/Editor/Host:
Aaron McCall
aaronmccall.net
IG: @aaron_mccall
——
Co-Host/Sidekick/Photographer:
Joe Matteson
themattesons.co
IG: @joe_dustin
——
Music:
"Noises" by Mike Mains & The Branches
——
Support the Podcast:
Buy Merch
——
Follow Bad Idea Social Club:
badideasocialclub.com
IG: @badideasocialclub

Transcript

SPEAKER_05 0:53

They parted my hair in the middle, slicked it down with grease, told me I could go browless, put a moo moo on me, and said, God bless. And it was best. I said, Please, can everything be this free?

SPEAKER_03 1:21

You guys ready? Hi guys.

SPEAKER_04 1:23

Hello. It's so good to see you.

SPEAKER_03 1:25

I know I know.

SPEAKER_01 1:26

God damn it.

SPEAKER_04 1:27

Welcome back to Bad Idea Social Club. I'm Amber Gray.

SPEAKER_01 1:30

We're not starting like that. Everybody, welcome back to Bad Idea Social Club. My name is Aaron McCall.

SPEAKER_04 1:39

I'm Amber Gray.

SPEAKER_01 1:40

And I'm Joe Madison. Season six, babes. Hey. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:43

How was your summer?

SPEAKER_04 1:45

Warm. It's been warm. It's a hot one.

SPEAKER_03 1:48

I'm the sweatiest guy alive.

SPEAKER_04 1:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:50

This has been a wet and wild summer for me.

SPEAKER_04 1:53

Just in the pit region.

SPEAKER_03 1:55

I just am a mess.

SPEAKER_04 1:57

You should take a pill.

SPEAKER_03 1:58

Yeah. I got enough of those. I can't.

SPEAKER_04 2:00

We just. Okay, that's fair.

SPEAKER_01 2:01

I can't. I got stung in the bee. Nope. Nope. I got stung in the eye by a bee and it fucked me up. That's my summer. And just a few minutes ago, I ran over a squirrel, so I'm having a lot of big feelings. Today? Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 2:16

Dude. I know.

SPEAKER_01 2:22

I'm fine, by the way. Thank you for answering.

SPEAKER_04 2:25

Sorry, that's a different bee.

SPEAKER_03 2:26

You're a dude that's allergic to bee stings, so I'm glad you didn't die.

SPEAKER_01 2:29

Okay. Uh very first time, 40 years old. Okay. Very first time I've ever been stung by a bee. And so we're yeah. So we're in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, and Sarah's like, are you allergic?

SPEAKER_03 2:40

And I'm like, uh we're both about to find out the world.

SPEAKER_01 2:45

And I get stung, I get stung in the eye, and I'm just like, oh fuck, I just got stung in the eye by a bee. And she just goes, no. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 2:56

That's a real like intense way to jump into the game. The fucking eyeball.

SPEAKER_04 3:02

You will always remember your first sting.

SPEAKER_03 3:04

Yeah, you will. You got stung in the ass once. That sucked. Sounds worse. Yeah. Yeah. I got stuck. I got stuck in the box.

SPEAKER_01 3:12

Anyways, you guys want to you guys want to do a podcast?

SPEAKER_03 3:15

Yeah. I surely do.

SPEAKER_01 3:17

Awesome. Uh so to kick off the season, I sat down with Virginia Anzingruber. Um, yeah, I practiced her name like 40 times.

SPEAKER_03 3:25

Fair. Uh, because it's a doozy. It sounded natural. You did good. Thank you. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 3:30

Um, she's a comedian, filmmaker, and writer. She's sharp, darkly funny, and really like unafraid to get into the real stuff. We talked about processing grief through comedy, um, what it means to write a script that is heavy and vulnerable, but still finds its way to the joke. Um, we talked about the hustle of working across film and television and stand-up and how self-doubt and taking on survival jobs and late-night sets all feed into this messy orbit of trying to make a life of art. Um, I should offer a content warning that if the subjects of child loss and miscarriages are triggering for you, uh, maybe don't. Maybe don't listen to this one. You know, you see comedian in the episode description and you think one thing, but this isn't necessarily a light one. You know, it's real life, so it's it's not without levity and laughs and things, but you know, heads up.

SPEAKER_03 4:35

Before we dive in, don't forget to let it first one.

SPEAKER_02 4:40

Just let me do you feel judged? A little bit. Oh, sorry. Do you want to hold hands? I don't. Don't touch me.

SPEAKER_01 4:49

But dude, six seasons you think you'd have it under control.

SPEAKER_03 4:51

I don't know, dude.

SPEAKER_04 4:52

Now we're judging. Now we're judging because you don't want to hold my hand, you motherfucker.

SPEAKER_03 4:55

Before we dive in, don't forget to follow wherever you're listening. Leave a five-star review, and don't forget to tell your friends.

SPEAKER_04 5:01

Also, this thing runs on merch sales and donations. So go on over to badideasocialclub.com, buy some stuff, leave us some cash. We've got some new merch out this season. Check it out.

SPEAKER_01 5:12

Okay, here's my conversation with Virginia.

SPEAKER_05 5:14

Are we currently recording?

SPEAKER_01 5:16

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 5:16

I didn't have a chance to get my radio voice on. It's the same.

SPEAKER_01 5:20

Actually, that's not true. Dude, you gave me fucking nothing.

SPEAKER_05 5:24

Well, I because what am I supposed to say? Your questionnaire is so funny because it's the first time, first of all, that I've ever gotten a uh a pre-interview questionnaire like that for an interview. So well done for being well researched. I guess I just at a certain point I assume I'll show people my work and then they will have their own questions, I guess. And so, like, it's hard because the meat of things that I want to talk about is You want to give it away. But it's also it's a challenge, I think, to write about child loss.

SPEAKER_01 5:54

You want to start there?

SPEAKER_05 5:55

I mean, I guess, but it's also one of those things where I was like, how much can I write in a questionnaire of that? You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 6:00

Because let's start there.

SPEAKER_05 6:01

Well, the I guess the fun thing is that your face immediately did the thing that everyone's face does, which is just sort of shocked that I even said, well, just shocked even that I said the phrase child loss, right?

SPEAKER_00 6:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 6:14

And so, like, with where I'm at right now as an artist, to be honest, it was funny because we set this interview up, and then I've been on this tour, and I've been like doing things that me two years ago, five years ago, ten years ago, would be so proud of. And there's parts of me that feel wildly detached from it because I'm still processing so much grief and PTSD from losing a kid in the middle of the pandemic. And so outside of like sending you the pitch deck for my short film, right, or like the script itself, which like again, a real page turner of a comedy, right? A film about a miscarriage, but like sounds hilarious. Well, I mean, I think in the way that the bear is a comedy, right? Like it's one of those things where I think comedy is injected into everything. Because I'm a comedian, I'm a I'm a a clown, if you will, you know, a jester. Uh, but mostly I didn't I I I'm still trying to figure out how to distill that into digestible bits for people. And then maybe even wrestling with the question inherent, which is like, does it need to be digestible for everybody?

SPEAKER_01 7:22

Right, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 7:22

I don't necessarily think that it does. And so it is the rock and hard place of where I'm at with my work right now because like I'm a stand-up comedian, amazing. My job is jokes, what a fun time. Like, love it. Um but like what does that mean contextualized to the world right now? And how can I use that muscle and tool and skill set to like help me move through these like very heavy things that have happened in the last couple of years, you know? And my miscarriage happened in July of 2020. We were so mid-pandemic that like my ex-husband was like almost not allowed in the space with me in the hospital, and they had to sort of like put me in a back room. I don't know if you ever saw Westworld, but I joke that it's like that room where they put all the like decommissioned robots. Like it was very much like I was like, that's six MRI machines and me. I'm like, cool. Um, but it's because like I genuinely almost ripped somebody's face off because like the bullet of it is that like I miscarried for five days. Oh I had a doctor who told me that it would pass naturally, and then for the next five days, every day I hoped it was it would resolve until I was like standing on my front porch with my friend. Shout out to my friend Lauren. We were with my then like seven-month-old baby, eight-month-old baby, and she had come over to visit, and some friends had walked by, some neighbors, and I'm I absorbed culture very easily, so I became very Midwest, even though I'm from Florida, and I was like chatting with them, and then I started hemorrhaging, but I did not want to alarm my friends, and so I just sort of crossed my legs while I was standing on the porch and sort of like kind of didn't want to, you know, I'm sure the listener's audio is obviously a very visual medium, but I sort of like leaned over and didn't want to didn't oh, let me not make a scene, you know, and then I kind of wrapped that up real quick. And Lauren had gone to the bathroom and she came back out and she could see that I was like I was clearly like hunched over, and she was like, Hey, are you good? And it was like the most out-of-body thing, but I like turned around and I was like, um, nope. I need to go to the bathroom, and I need if you can, I was like, Do you have a car seat in your car? And she was like, Yep. And I was like, Cool. If you could grab Reese and put him in your car. My ex-husband was working with our only vehicle an hour outside of town at the time. And so I was like, it was very calm. I was like, Could you drop me off at the emergency room? And she was like, Yeah. And it was because I'm not gonna make my baby scared, I'm gonna try really hard to keep myself together. And you know, she dropped me off at the emergency room, and then I wasn't far enough along. I was 11 and a half weeks pregnant. So to be seen in the maternity emergency, you have to be 12 weeks pregnant.

SPEAKER_01 10:17

Oh, that's fucking ridiculous.

SPEAKER_05 10:19

Yeah, and then they wheeled me down to regular emergency in like one of those like blue plastic wheelchairs. And I got down there, and a doctor who I can only describe as like Keanu Reeves in point break, right? Okay, um, happy, attractive, probably shouldn't be practicing medicine, should be out catching some waves. Do you know what I mean? Um, and he kind of saw me. And I I need to articulate, I was like slumped over, okay? Because I'm like, I'd been bleeding at this point for 45 minutes.

SPEAKER_03 10:51

Fuck.

SPEAKER_05 10:51

I was like, it was bad. And this guy looks at me and he goes, Hey, how's it going? Because that's how Keanu waves talks in point break, right? And I was like, not great, Keanu. I'm pretty sure I called him Keanu to his face because like I don't know your name. And he was like, Well, what's going on? And I was like, I'm having a miscarriage. And then this man said something I'll never forget. He goes, Wait, are you like gushing right now?

unknown 11:18

What the fuck?

SPEAKER_05 11:19

And I was like, I sure am, Keanu. Have you seen the shining? That's what's happening right now. Can we get me to a fucking bed? Uh and it was the craziest thing because it was mid-COVID, right? So everybody's masked up, nobody's touching each other, nobody's looking at each other. And he was like, Well, I don't know if we can, I don't know if there's a I don't I gotta catch some waves. I don't know what I could do. And I looked at this man and it was like the most feral I think I've ever been in my whole life. And it was so like a werewolf right before a transformation, you know? And I was like, get me to a fucking bed now. And he just looked at me, and I've only accessed this superpower one other time, and it was when somebody tried to stick my kid with an IV for a second time, and I saw him like scream, and I was like, Oh no, no. Um, but that man just said, I'll be right back and get you a bed. And then that's how I was in Westworld cold storage, you know, because they fucking found me something. Listen, I gotta get you away from the moon. That's clearly what's activating this werewolf transformation, you know, transformation. No, it was a nightmare. It was a nightmare. And so it's funny because where I'm at now is like in development for this short film that has this production company attached, sidecar studios. I have an amazing co-director, Josh Tyron. I have these people that like read this like brutal script and they were like, let's do it together, which is phenomenal. It changed me as a person, it made me a better writer, it made me a better artist, made me a better comedian. I don't know how to necessarily write about that in an email to you before, you know, in the interview, right? How do we talk about that? So I just sort of put, let's talk about child loss and how it's affecting my art right now, right? Which is like, you know, I talk about it a little bit on stage, right? Like the shining joke is like from being on stage and shit. And like I think in any way that you can process it, you should, but it also feels really vulnerable. It feels oddly self-serving at times, right? Because like to be so in your trauma feels very navel gazy. It can feel very for me, it can feel oftentimes I oscillate between the whys behind something like this, which is like self-expression and then hopefully a collective sort of connection. Yeah, connection, but it's also like tough. It's tough.

SPEAKER_01 13:43

Well, yeah, I mean grief has this like it has this way of kind of shaping how we carry ourselves and you know what what stories we tell and how creativity presents itself in us. I've had I've had some fucked up stuff go on in my life, and it's like the thing that's always gotten me through is the comedy of the situation, right? So what what role is that playing with your experience?

SPEAKER_05 14:04

It's definitely gotten me through, but it's funny because the things that I gravitated towards in those immediate sort of like months afterward were not anything that evoked any sort of emotion at all. I need you understand. I was shell-shocked. So I watched a lot of British gardening shows with like like I need to know the most like dramatic thing that was happening to me in those like first three months after that was like, is this couple from Brighton gonna be able to like install the kind of foliage they want with the the sun in England? Who knows, right? Like I couldn't process anything, yeah, and that was wild to me because I think I'm somebody that probably prides themselves on being very present and engaged, and I was so detached, yeah, you know, and far away, and that was really difficult. I was like very far from myself, and it took a really long time to get back there.

SPEAKER_01 15:07

And so how do you even get back there?

SPEAKER_05 15:09

I think talking about it helped. I think um I think letting go of the expectation that it was like meant to happen to me also. Yeah, because that infuriates me when somebody's like, everything happens for a reason. I want to rip your fucking throat out, Keanu from point break. Everything happens for a reason in my ass. Like I can find purpose in a thing that happened to me, but I don't believe that it was divined that that happened to me. I think that the universe can be accidentally cruel and honestly like inherently dismissive of our feelings, right? Like I think it it happened and it was my choice of whether or not to sort of stay in that forever or to like move forward as best as I can. But I think what I need to be very clear on for everybody, including myself, right, is like this was five years ago. If you told me it happened yesterday, I would believe you. Sure. So there's only I've only moved the inches down that line in terms of processing the grief. Because I don't and and hopefully that there are like people listening to this that this can resonate with, maybe, because like if there's a timeline for it, I don't have it. I'm not not here. Yeah, you know, because five years ago was yesterday for me. I think it's a thing that I'm still sort of trying to process my own collective anger on, even too, because I realize we do not, as an American society, um, like value child-bearing folks at all. Like we're happy for the service that they provide, and then there's like really no structure. I did not find my way back to myself because of any like socialized structure that our country has. I found my way back to myself through like my community and my people and time.

SPEAKER_00 16:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 16:58

And that is something that I still feel like enraged by too. So I feel very inclined to be talking about this a lot publicly because it's like there weren't structures there to really support me. And the thing is, is that people might listen to this and they might be like, hey, there's like support groups and you can go, and there's like things that are all of those things are true. I need you to understand trying to put the onus of a person's healing on themselves after they've been in a car crash is a fucking insane thing. That's a lot, it's an insane thing. We would never be like, hey, person who just got crumpled by a semi-truck. You need to figure out your own PT right now. Like, you go ahead, we're we'll give, we'll tell you where there's a doctor, but you better, oh, you can't use your arms right now. Hey, Siri, right? You can figure that out. Figure it out, stupid. Figure it out. You're fucking lazy, and you better not want anything from us the second you're done providing this service. And so it's such an interesting thing because I feel like it's really clouded a lot of like my creative space over the last few years, which is infuriating too. I have so many other things I want to fucking talk about and do and make.

SPEAKER_00 18:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 18:09

And the shit of it is is that so many of those other things won't come to fruition until I see this one project through because I have to metabolize it, I have to get it out, I have to sort of finish it. And so it's funny because like comedy has become this like secondary thing that obviously is so much of my focus right now, but like I feel like the Hulk, you know, how he's like always angry, yeah. It's his superpowers not turning into the Hulk, his superpower is not turning into the Hulk. Yeah, like that's how I feel.

SPEAKER_01 18:43

Fuck.

SPEAKER_05 18:44

Yeah. See, we didn't need a pre-interview for shit, my guy. I was like, we could talk about the Hulk for a minute. I've been on some Marvel shit.

SPEAKER_01 18:54

So I would have to imagine that through all of that, uh, you've probably gotten to know yourself maybe in different ways. Is that a fair assumption?

SPEAKER_05 19:03

Yes. How family friendly is this podcast?

SPEAKER_01 19:05

You can say whatever the fuck you want.

SPEAKER_05 19:07

I'm a lot kinkier.

unknown 19:08

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 19:09

I'm a lot more open to things. Yeah, I will say, yeah. Uh, I don't know. I don't need to get into that all the much, but it is it's a thing where I feel like um I'm a lot more maybe like relaxed. Yeah. I know that this conversation probably doesn't sound like that in any way, but I am. You know, it's like a thing, I don't know. I think when you go through certain stuff, it just makes you more resilient. But again, it's like I feel like that goalpost always moves, right? Because where I am today, I'm going to headline in Ann Arbor tonight. That's absolutely a place that I've wanted to be at professionally in comedy for years. It's happening tonight. And all I can think about is like the last couple days I've been like in a really fucking depressed ass mood and just sort of like trying to push through.

SPEAKER_01 19:56

I mean, it's gotta be a whole fucking process to get yourself from like your home base to now I'm gonna go make everybody laugh when I'm not necessarily feeling up to it.

SPEAKER_05 20:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:07

That's fucked.

SPEAKER_05 20:08

It's fun though. It is it's fun to be able to solve that puzzle, um, but it is difficult. And it's one of those things where like I need to qualify, and this is not me running bits on you, but I've been seeing this ER doctor, and I'm like, she has done residencies in three different countries. She is uh she did a two-year tour with Doctors Without Borders, but I don't know how to tell her that laughter is the best medicine. Like we are both heroes, okay? Like, we're equals, yeah, relax. Like, but then I realized I was like, last night I got done with a show in Lansing, and I was like, I'm so tired. And I was like, I didn't even I did 10 minutes of comedy for people that laughed, right? Like the job was not hard, yeah. But my brain after those 10 minutes was so fried because and I was thinking about it in the shower this morning ahead of this conversation because I was like, I'm funny, I'm gonna be funny. I know like you and I are gonna have a good banter, but I also know that there's probably an expectation when people see the phrase comedian, right? And then like the first thing when they're listening to this is like, so my miscarriage is gonna be like really depressing. But like the thing that is interesting about jokes being your job is like we're in a time technologically where like we're absorbing the like mass trauma of like so many different cultures simultaneously because of like TikTok and the news and how globally connected we all are. Yeah, there's so many positives to that. You will not hear me say that there's I'm not here to be like, I love TikTok, like don't worry. Uh but I wonder if our brains are like meant or capable to be constantly aware of and processing all of that collective trauma for everybody else at the same time as our own things, because the thing that I keep coming back to and I talk about it is the crux of the short film, is sort of like like if the tree falls in the forest, but like the entire woods have been decimated at the same time, does anybody care about the individual tree, right? And so, like when I was having my individual like crisis in the middle of a global pandemic, how was I going to be asking people to like hold space for me individually in that, right? Because we're all collectively just trying to hold it together. And so similarly, I think about that a lot. And I'm like, I realize that the job of comic, and I like interview comedians a lot. I just interviewed Mohanad El Shahi for the column that I write, and I asked him, Reggie Watts just talked about this on the Daily Show. I do think there's something about like the rapid community of comedy where like for 10 minutes I can just help these parents in this room giggle about the fact that my kid like shit his pants and blamed it on his brother. You know what I mean? Like, which he did, because we're an imaginative you know, PBS household. I've always said if you can dream it, you can be it. And he dreamt to be a person who got blackmailed for chitty pants, you know? And we've all been there. A classic story, right? And so, like, I think that that's been the interesting thing, is sort of especially for me in parallel to like being so close to someone who is like an emergency room doctor and does like spend 12-hour shifts on the back of like an ambulance rig or like physically helped resuscitate people at her job. I'm like, I made some well men laugh enough that they stopped playing darts actively in the middle of my show. Honestly, not a small feat. And that was in Nova, my guy. That's like the middle of nowhere.

SPEAKER_01 23:30

I was like, I grew up right outside of Nova.

SPEAKER_05 23:33

You did it. I was like, they're probably Trump supporters by the I was like doing 20 minutes. I think I was maybe 12 minutes into my set, and I finally heard from the back, that was pretty good. I was like, I was like, yes, I did it.

SPEAKER_01 23:46

Do you think there's a version of you that exists only on stage or yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_05 23:52

I hate when people are like, that's such a good question, but it is because like uh I love I love talking about parasocial relationships, but I also love talking about the fact that like comedy yes, it's an art form. And like let me preface anything that I say about comedy with like I've been doing stand-up for three years. Um, so I talk out of my ass a lot. I'm not like a very veteran stand-up. I did work in writers' rooms for a while as like a script coordinator and a punch-up writer, though. And I think comedy in general, but stand-up in particular, it's an art form, but it's also just like a it's like welding to me.

SPEAKER_00 24:24

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 24:24

The act of welding is melting and putting two pieces of metal together, right? But eventually I'm gonna get so good at welding that you don't see where those like melted seams are.

SPEAKER_01 24:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 24:35

I think that's what comedy is, right? And so, like, my stage persona is like a heightened version of myself for sure, but it's also only focused on one thing, which is making you laugh. That's the muscle that you I think work when you become a better comedian. You can be a very funny person, you can be a really funny joke writer. I've become a tremendously better comedian over the last couple years of just doing it constantly because the muscle memory of welding has become easier. The seams between my jokes are disappearing more and more.

SPEAKER_01 25:07

I've seen some of your stuff, and you're funny as shit.

SPEAKER_05 25:09

Thank you. Women can be funny. It's crazy.

SPEAKER_01 25:12

Oh, can I tell you a terrible story?

SPEAKER_05 25:13

Please.

SPEAKER_01 25:14

Um I fuck.

SPEAKER_05 25:17

I want to I'm so excited.

SPEAKER_01 25:19

I want to preface by saying I'm a different person today.

SPEAKER_05 25:22

This is gonna be great.

SPEAKER_01 25:23

Uh I've grown, I've gained perspective, and I fully recognize the misogyny of the situation. And I'm sorry. That said, uh, we went to the comedy cellar, uh, but it was before Amy Schumer like blew up.

SPEAKER_00 25:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:42

You know, they do a couple of shows a night, so they're like, all right, you know, we're you're kind of in like the basement area, and they're like, all right, go upstairs, finish your drinks, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And Amy Schumer's up there. She's at the bar, and I happen to be up there at the bar as well. And I was like, you know, you were, you know, like for a woman, like you were actually really funny. And like, like, I felt it when I said it. And she looks at me and she goes, Oh, thank you so much, you fucking asshole. And I was like, Okay.

SPEAKER_05 26:06

You deserved that.

SPEAKER_01 26:07

I did deserve that. I fully recognize that. Uh, not proud of it. Um, but sharing that is growth.

SPEAKER_05 26:14

I was gonna say, you know what, that's accountability, and I can't wait for the comments from your listeners to be like, you deserved that. I I did. I fully did. I think uh for me as a comic, I'm just like so inspired by majority like female or like non-binary comedians or like queer comedians. Like, I just think we have so many interesting voices that aren't like mainstream, yeah. But I'm also a lot gayer these days. So yeah, it makes a lot of sense. I'm just like watching a lot more women comedians too.

SPEAKER_01 26:45

So oh man. Uh, did you ever fuck with improv?

SPEAKER_05 26:49

No, I very selfishly love the solo laugh. I gotta be honest. I I like writing for other formats. Um, performing, I really love just being like a little dazzle dove up there on stage and dazzled. Like, I really do. It's so fun. Because also when you eat shit, it's your own. This is the real truth. I'm probably not emotionally healed or intelligent enough to do improv and not eventually hate everybody else because I'd be like, we messed that up, guys. And then for stand up, I just internalize that. That's just to me. I'm not I'm not taking that out on the whole herald. You know what I mean? That's that's a thing where I can be like, oh, I fucked up that timing. Oh, I I sort of had weird energy, the three jokes leading up to that. That's why that didn't land as hard, you know. And to me, I think that that's much more of what's interesting about comedy is that like internal process. But I do like writing for other people.

SPEAKER_01 27:48

I like writing for for like um sitcoms or like TV or you are wearing a lot of hats, filmmaker, writer, comic. Even had a major starring role in Parks and Rack.

SPEAKER_05 27:59

Yes, a non-speaking in a classroom setting with Chris Pratt. And no, it was uh I did background acting for a long time in LA.

SPEAKER_01 28:07

Why don't you uh why don't you brag about those credits?

SPEAKER_05 28:09

I'll talk can I just talk about the ones I think are fun? I feel I feel okay.

SPEAKER_01 28:12

So I don't even want to know about the ones you don't. Okay, great.

SPEAKER_05 28:15

Yeah, the ones that were stupid. Fuck those. Uh no, so I did two different episodes of Mad Men, which was the best because I love that show.

SPEAKER_01 28:22

What do you mean you did two episodes?

SPEAKER_05 28:24

I was a background actor on two different episodes of Mad Men, so that's a non-speaking role. Um, what is uh probably effectively like just like movable props, right? Um like a lamp that walks. Um not in the beauty and the beast way though, right? Like I'm sentient, it's fine. Uh but uh no, I um I did background acting for for quite some years through central casting in LA because I worked production and then I just didn't understand, I think a lot, and I still don't, I'll be honest, of like the system of unemployment insurance in America. And so all these people were like I don't think you're meant to understand it. I think it's all bamboozling. I just I truly can't, I don't know. Uh but so I never really would do the thing that a lot of folks would do, which is like they'd get done with a job, and if there wasn't another job lined up, they would apply for unemployment and kind of ride that until the next thing, right? When you're a non-union person, when you're a below the line person, when you're a support staff, which, you know, um, like script coordinators and writers' assistants are not considered a part of the union. They do not get WGA protection. Maybe writers' assistants do. I think maybe writers' room PAs and script coordinators do not. So the jobs that I had through Viacom, um, you know, I'd get done with this like 10-month job working as Bo Burnham's assistant on Zackstone is going to be famous and working as a script coordinator and, you know, executive assistant, right? And then I wouldn't have another job lined up for like three more weeks. I don't have a gap of no three weeks' money. Like I'm living in LA at a certain point, like on my sister's couch, right? Like I did the dream of it all, right? And then it got to a point where I was like, I had roommates and stuff, but it didn't necessarily have that like safety net. And so I registered for background acting and then would sort of set it up to where, okay, great, if I have this three-week gap, I'm gonna be on sets because I like being on sets. Uh, this money doesn't pay exactly what it pays in production, but outside of like filing for unemployment, which as I stated to your audience, I was too stupid to figure out. Like, I just, it was fun. I liked the energy of continuing to be on set. And then I got to meet a lot of people through that too, which I think was so fun and interesting. And so, again, podcasting is a visual medium, but your listeners will be able to see with their ears that I don't have any tattoos. I don't, I have very natural hair color. I'm like what is known as like classic. And when you're an actor, um, you are oftentimes booked entirely on your dimensions, um, which again makes me feel like a lamp that can talk. Um, because at a certain point I was doing a lot of period shows. So I did Mad Men twice, um, two different decades, which was fun. Um, the 60s, I had like a cone bra and a corset and like pantyhose, I had shellaced makeup, I had a lace front wig, like it was like a whole thing. The next time I did it, it was in the 70s, and they were in LA. They parted my hair in the middle, slicked it down with grease, told me I could go brow less, put a moo moo on me, and said, God bless. And it was the fucking best. I said, Please, can everything be this free?

SPEAKER_01 31:35

Virginia, is there anything else we should talk about before we go topic hopping?

SPEAKER_05 31:39

I just I want to shout out to all the working artist parents. I've been feeling very inclined to like build community around that lately. And so if you are listening to this episode and you live in West Michigan, or not West Michigan, and you want to be online friends or something, and you're a parent and you're like maybe you're like in that consistent like um balancing act of like pouring into other people and then making sure that there's enough for like your own cup. Like, let's be friends, because it's a really hard thing, and I'm sure you're doing great, and um everybody needs cheerleaders, and so just remember that like you guys are doing it, and and retaining yourselves while still trying to help other little people become themselves is a mountainous feat. So you're all doing great. I believe in you, I love you all.

SPEAKER_01 32:27

You know, people that don't have kids need friends too.

SPEAKER_05 32:30

Well, I don't actually believe that. I think people that don't have kids should legally not be allowed to have friends, and you can um take that to the bank. I said that here first. No, of course. Uh any artist that is sort of in that, I think maybe the tension point of pouring into your art and yourself versus also being present for other people, right? I think that that, regardless of children, right? If you're somebody that's like very involved in of your communities, it's important to remember like we are all doing it and trying, and you're and even if you have a while where you haven't really like tapped into that part of you, like it's there, it's dormant, it's like riding a bike. Just get back on it, like you're okay. And again, uh, just for the record, single people should not have friends. Sorry, that was I just wanted to end it with something shitty. Your face was so sad.

SPEAKER_01 33:21

All right, you want to go topic hopping?

SPEAKER_05 33:22

Sure.

SPEAKER_01 33:23

When you're gone, what do you hope people say about you?

SPEAKER_05 33:26

That she tried very hard at all things, especially for the people she loved.

SPEAKER_01 33:31

Finish the thought. Creativity requires patience.

SPEAKER_05 33:36

Sometimes you'll be dormant in yourself, and you have to remember that every season comes again. And so even if you're hibernating and you're not feeling like you can like express or output, that's okay because that's just your season of like input and rest.

SPEAKER_01 33:55

What would your last meal be?

SPEAKER_05 33:57

Oh, fucking chicken pho from Faux Suck Trang in like uh Godwin Heights, basically, over a division. It's like here in Grand Rapids.

SPEAKER_01 34:07

Oh, it's like is that an area close to where I live? And it is, and I've never heard of it before.

SPEAKER_05 34:11

It's like specifically very close. It's like division and like 44th, basically. But um, that's very specific to Grand Rapids, but just chicken pho. I love a big bowl of noodle soup, and specifically pho is like, and you know why?

SPEAKER_01 34:24

Anthony Bourdain. Anthony Bourdain is why I'm like, it's okay to like a shitty burger.

SPEAKER_05 34:29

Anthony Bourdain is why I travel so incessantly, but he's also why I love the shit I love. The episode where Sean Brock takes him to Waffle House is transcendent for me as someone from Florida whose mom worked at Waffle House.

SPEAKER_01 34:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 34:45

I need to understand. I come from a single wide my guy. I come from Waffle House and IHOP culture.

SPEAKER_01 34:51

Your trailer trash too?

SPEAKER_05 34:52

Yes, look at us! Where are we? Um but it's it's one of those things where like, what can't you do with just like a big hot bowl of broth? You know, it's the most the most comforting thing in the world.

SPEAKER_01 35:04

What's the what's the best or the worst advice you've ever received?

SPEAKER_05 35:09

I'm making a crazy face because I immediately had an answer for the worst advice.

SPEAKER_01 35:13

But light me up. The hesitancy.

SPEAKER_05 35:18

It's because I I I it and it's like because I don't feel like the person will hear, like will listen to this, but if they do, I'm not gonna name them. But it was in regards to this short film that I'm writing, um, or that I wrote and I'm making um when I sent out the draft to my first round of readers, I had Academy Award Nichols Fellowship finalists reading it. I had MFA screenwriters write reading it, you know, sorry, reading it and giving feedback. I had, you know, um like theater actors from LA that I've known for 15 years reading it, you know. I had uh a kind of a larger swath of people kind of giving feedback, and one of the bits of feedback that I received was that the script was too intense and Quentin Tarantino for people, and that I should rewrite the best friend character to be a woman because no man would want to hear a miscarriage story in such detail.

SPEAKER_01 36:16

Well, fuck that guy.

SPEAKER_05 36:18

Yeah, it was a real but the the crazy thing is that it it fucked me up. I think probably for like three or four days. I need you to understand, I was like inconsolably crying.

SPEAKER_01 36:28

I was like, Did you even consider it?

SPEAKER_05 36:29

I would like call my producers and be like, are is this person right? Like, do I need to be like taking this back to a group therapy session? Like, you know, and thank God it was one of those moments where I just kind of stopped the wheel for a second. I pulled myself out of the anxiety of forward momentum, and I sent it to a friend that I really trust. Oh, a very seasoned writer, but also somebody that is very much like a father figure kind of for me and uncle figure. We'll say that, you know, a very, a very like a respected male figure I was trying to figure out. I was like, well, father, this is a you understand.

SPEAKER_01 37:07

Uh he's like my dad's friend.

SPEAKER_05 37:08

He's like my dad's friend that like I go to for business advice, you know. Uh no, but it's a very long-standing friend who just happens to sort of be an older white man. Um, and I sent him the script and it took him like a week and a half to get back to me. And that week and a half, I was just sort of like, I said, Let me take a pause. But I said, Well, maybe I just never need to make movies again. Maybe, maybe I just need to sit with a time out, you know. Um, and I'll never forget he he had texted being like, Hey, let's talk about the script. So he called me and I picked up the phone, and the first thing he said before anything else was, the piece is really strong. And it was such a perfect thing because it was like it wasn't overly effusive. He wasn't like, You're changing cinema, and this is the best thing I've ever written, you know, read. It was an hour and a half of him helping me punch up the second act, figuring out some conflict. But the entire conversation started with the piece is strong, you need to make this.

SPEAKER_01 38:04

Is there a timeline, working title, anything like that?

SPEAKER_05 38:07

Oh, so the working title is called uh Tell Me What Happened. And the timeline right now, we are still currently in development. We are um in the middle of other funders. So if there's anybody here that wants to see the pitch deck and read the script, um, we're probably looking about for I don't know, fifteen thousand dollars of more funding just to be able to do two days of production. We're gonna do one full day here in Grand Rapids and then one day in Chicago because we're gonna shoot exteriors, uh, you know, GR for Chicago basically.

SPEAKER_00 38:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 38:36

Um and the timeline of that, it's interesting. Very similarly, I feel like my ethos for art is uh within its time and within its format.

SPEAKER_01 38:46

What's uh what's your favorite distraction?

SPEAKER_05 38:49

TikTok. I wish I was like more intelligent than the dancer, but uh what's uh what's a hill you would die on? People without kids shouldn't have friends. No, uh if you don't have sharks as a potential threat and or narwhals, because I just found out those those were real not that long ago. Yeah, and this is not me running bits on you, but I need you to understand I knew they were mythical. I knew they existed as mythical creatures like unicorns. Yeah, they're real. Did you know that?

SPEAKER_01 39:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 39:23

I don't believe you. I don't believe you knew that how did you know that?

SPEAKER_01 39:26

School and stuff.

SPEAKER_05 39:27

But then why is it in the claymation air thing on elf with all the other mythical things?

SPEAKER_01 39:32

There's also raccoons in I'm just saying I was bamboozled.

SPEAKER_05 39:37

I think it's uh failing on the American school system. Yeah. Um, but the hill I die on is is that in fact Lake Michigan is not it's not a beach, it's a lake. Just say going to the lake. You guys Michiganders don't need to have everything. You guys already have a fun governor, decent public education. I love her by the way. Clean water I I would ride and drive her. Yeah, I love her so much. We you there's a lot here. Just let it be what it is. Just say it's going to the lake.

SPEAKER_01 40:02

Do you have any regrets?

SPEAKER_05 40:04

Damn. I think at this point in my life, the only thing that I regret is maybe time I've wasted holding like anger or resentment for things that I had no control over.

SPEAKER_01 40:17

Last question. Are you okay?

SPEAKER_05 40:20

No, god no. Are you? No. Great. I was like, does anybody answer yes to that question?

SPEAKER_01 40:25

I mean most people answer yes, and I feel like most people are also lying right to my fucking face.

SPEAKER_05 40:29

Yeah, I mean, so I am well. I am as well as I could be, right? I think okay, no. God no. Again, when everybody is a tree falling in a collective forest, you know. So it does oftentimes feel really hard to access the depths of that without feeling, you know, again, like I said at the beginning, that's kind of self-serving. But uh No, no, I'm not okay. I have a I have a feeling that it will take a tremendous amount of time for me to be okay. And actually, I I do wonder if I ever will be, you know, because like you'll forgive me, but this is sort of the exact crux of the short film, because it is it's all I can think about a lot of times when I relate to my own grief, which is like my kid wasn't even old enough to be qualified for maternity emergency.

SPEAKER_01 41:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 41:29

So how much grief am I entitled to then? Am I entitled to the same amount of grief as a 12-year-old that passed? Um, am I entitled to the same amount of grief as an adult with a 30-year-old that died tragically? Like, I where do we well, but see, that's the you say yes. That's that's phenomenal. I don't know the answer. It's a question I ask myself only because it feels like it will be unanswered for the rest of my lifetime. Um but then I don't know how the like girl math of that all checks out, you know. And forever I think I will be wrestling with sort of uh metabolizing whatever that is with along with the collective grief that we all have because life goes on. The great thing is is that I still find joy, I still have moments of like pure joy and um connection and expression, and I think maybe in not being okay it's like opened up the depth and well of feeling for me because I feel joy that much like more intensely now. I feel happiness that much more intensely. I feel contentment, you know.

SPEAKER_01 42:51

It is very much like a well, you know, everything happens for a reason.

SPEAKER_05 42:55

All right, that's my time. Thanks so much, guys. Uh yeah, yeah, you know, um yeah.

SPEAKER_01 43:01

Awesome. Before we go, where can uh where can people find you?

SPEAKER_05 43:04

I do a lot of TV analysis and writing for the folks at fanfare. So you can find me at Virginia Ansengruber.medium.com. And then also on Instagram, I'm Virginia Ansen Gruber, and then I think Facebook is Virginia Ansen Gruber Comedy. But basically, the great thing about having my name is that there's only ever been one other Virginia Ansen Gruber that was ever alive in recorded history's existence. Because, spoiler alert, not that common of a name. So if you Google me, she doesn't come up, I promise.

SPEAKER_01 43:36

You know what's funny is that every time I've had to type your name, I just copy and paste it from something else because I'm like, I'm gonna fuck this up.

SPEAKER_05 43:41

It's appropriate. I will say it's like very phonetic, you know, Anzen Gruber. Like it is exactly what it sounds like, but it is so intense right away that people I think have like black out when they see it and then just Well, I see a Z, I see a U, and I get scared. Exactly. And as you should, right? That's why I kept that last name to intimidate.

SPEAKER_01 43:59

Awesome, dude. Thanks for doing this.

SPEAKER_05 44:01

Thanks for having me. This was so fun. Awesome. Let's get out of here. All right.

SPEAKER_04 44:12

Bad Idea Social Club is an independent podcast made possible by donations, merch sales, and reviews.

SPEAKER_03 44:17

Graphic designer Aaron McCall is our host, producer, editor, and writer. Co-hosts are Amber Gray and me, Joe Madison.

SPEAKER_04 44:24

Music by Mike Means and the branches. Follow along wherever you get your podcast.