EP 2: From Ego to Awakening: A Father's Journey Through Plant Medicine

Dive deep into a candid conversation about one man's transformative experience with Ayahuasca and how it shifted his perspectives on relationships, parenting, and self-awareness. Discover how ancient plant medicine can guide one to understand the profound impacts of their words and actions, leading to a more compassionate, connected, and conscious way of living. Join us as we explore the power of introspection, meditation, and breaking generational cycles.

Transcript

Fatherhood Ep 2

Edward: ​[00:00:00] welcome to another episode of fatherhood breaking the toxic side goal. And I'm here today to have a very special guest and it's someone I used to work with. And he goes by the Instagram Joelle's got the keys. That's me. Awesome. And we're going to share a little bit of his story today and just, uh, his upbringing.

And then when his son came into his life and how it impacted him. So this is going to be an exciting story for Generation Z. Are you 

Guest: Z? Are you millennial? I think I'm millennial. Yeah, I'm millennial. 

Edward: Awesome. So it's gonna resonate with millennials and even Generation Z because there's a lot of kids having kids right now.

And so with no further ado, Welcome 

Guest: Joel. Thank you for having me. I'm really honored 

Edward: to be here. No, thank you. So I want to just introduce you to the audience and maybe you can just share a little bit about Who you are and and 

Guest: your story. Yeah. So, uh, my name is Joel. I go by Joel's got the keys and I am [00:01:00] 31 years old.

I'm a father. My son is seven years old. Um, so I had him, I believe when I was like 24 and, uh, I come from a small, pretty small town called Victorville, California. And yeah, that's, that's, uh, I'm in real estate. Anything else? Awesome. 

Edward: Absolutely. So you do some pretty exciting things in real estate because You deal with a whole different side of real estate and I think it's called wholesaling or there's a lot of different names, but tell us a little bit about that.

So how did you, you started in real estate and then you transitioned and then I'm curious to find out just the name and where it came from because that has a very special meaning. 

Guest: Um, so, yes. Yeah, definitely. So, um, I started out as a real estate agent in 2016. Um, and then it wasn't really until 2019 that I really started getting up and going and starting to make sales and stuff like that.

Um, at the end of 2019 I felt really burnt out. Um, I [00:02:00] honestly didn't know why until two days ago. I just, I found out why I felt so burnt out, but I felt burnt out. And so I just felt like I was looking for more. I wanted a way to make more income, um, essentially not having to work as hard. That might sound lazy.

Um, so I got into wholesale real estate and I just absolutely fell in love with it. I love the investing side and really what we do is we find off market properties and we put those under contract and then we sell those contracts. to investors and they pay us a fee called an assignment fee. And the cool thing about that is you can literally live anywhere in the world, work anywhere in the world.

I have some friends that actually, they are from Denmark, they live in Denmark, and they wholesale here in the United States. And so it's a virtual business, whereas when you're a real estate agent, you actually have to be in the market, you have to go on appointments and meet people physically. And so, yeah, I just went all in on wholesale.

Um, right now I'd say my business is actually kind of a blend of both. I'm doing both right now, retail and wholesale. Um, so that's where I'm at. And in [00:03:00] 2020 I started my company. It's called sold home offer. And the way that I came up with that name was I really was at this point where I had a mentor. I didn't really feel like I was in alignment with him and his lifestyle.

So I was like, Hey, I want to go out and do my own thing and I want to make my own company. I don't even remember where it came from, but then it was almost like I was just sitting on my couch and it was just like a download. It just came to me. It was like sold and I was like, that's cool. Okay. So I thought about it and I just kept kind of like meditating on it, contemplating on it and it just felt right.

And I spelt it S O U L D because I really wanted to have an approach of where we actually take care of people. And you know, a lot of the times wholesalers have a very bad reputation. There's like, if you go online, there's like stories of like, people taking advantage of like grandma and giving her like a low ball offer, but we really try to take care of our people and offer them the best solution possible.

Whether that's giving [00:04:00] them a cash offer, listing their house or doing other creative strategies in real estate. Awesome. 

Edward: Yeah, that's freaking pretty exciting to watch you have that transition. Yeah. Thank you. Now, before we kind of dive into your childhood, How has, um, now you said you have a six year old son?

Seven. Seven. Just turned seven, yeah. Seven. So, going into real estate because it takes a lot of time and it takes away from, you know, family and children and so forth, how did you balance that? Because you have such a, a young child, you know, and you're just transitioning into this new industry. Yeah. And, um, how did that look like for, for you and, and spending time with your son and the pressures of knowing you're on commission and having to provide?

Guest: Yeah, I, so in the beginning, my parents really helped me out a lot. I was, I kind of lived in two places at one time. So I had my own apartment in a city called Claremont and then, um, my son's mother lived in Victorville or in Hesperia is the city over [00:05:00] and, um, so he would go back and forth with me and, and, and his mom.

And, uh, my parents would really help me out a lot, so I didn't get to spend a lot of time with him. I, and that was one of the things when I got into wholesale, I was able to spend more time with him. Um, but yeah, my parents really helped me out a lot with that. Wow, so it 

Edward: was nice that you had the support of your parents because a lot of, you know, fathers and even mothers at a young age, Don't have the support of their parents.

So yeah, that seems like it was probably a pivotal role for you Yeah, to be able to help 

Guest: with the raising of your son. Yeah, my parents have been like super super helpful I don't think I would have been able to do it without them I've gone through a lot of challenges like having my son in the beginning was very difficult.

So They definitely were able to help me with that Now what 

Edward: about I'm gonna go backwards What about? So you grew up in a small town in Victorville. Yes. And, which has exploded now by the 

Guest: way. Yeah, it's growing a lot. 

Edward: [00:06:00] And, um, tell us a little bit about your upbringing, you know, with your mother and father and, and just the type of life that you had.

Guest: Yeah, so I grew up in Victorville, California and I have a mother and father. They're still together till this day, so that's pretty cool. Um, they were extremely supportive. They, they've always supported everything I've done. Uh, so my father, he, he has a job. He's not like a professional artist, but really he was an artist.

And he was incredible at drawing. Like he could draw like animals and they look real. And so I would just watch my father growing up and that was so inspirational for me. So at about four years old, I started drawing as well. Um, and then I went on and I started like entering like art competitions and stuff like that.

And, you know, I'd get like first, second place, whatever. And, so my parents were very, um, supportive of me and they saw that I was a creative person. The other thing, too, that my parents really did for me that I think [00:07:00] was super helpful, I tell, I told my dad it was almost like they did an experiment, like A B testing on me and my sister.

So, like, with me, they, um, they wouldn't let me quit anything. Like, I played soccer when I was a kid and I hated it. And the only reason why I would go to soccer is because... They would give us oranges at the end of the game. Wait a 

Edward: minute, wait a minute, okay, so, this is powerful, so your parents would not let you quit anything.

So whether it was a sport, whatever it was, once you started you had to see it all the way through. Yeah. Okay, definitely expand on that because that's powerful right there for other parents that are maybe struggling because their children start a sport and don't want to finish. Can you expand on that a little bit?

Cause that's a powerful nugget there. 

Guest: Yeah. So basically the, the negotiation that we came to when I was like five or six years old was that, okay, if you don't like soccer, we will let you stop playing soccer. You don't have to play soccer, but you're going to finish the season because [00:08:00] you made a commitment and you're going to finish it.

So that was the biggest blessing my parents ever gave me. And that was the foundation of me being an entrepreneur. Cause I've gone through, I've gone through seasons where I've made a lot of money and then it's like I had to restart all over again. I had no money, so I've gone through that a few times.

And the only reason why I keep going and I'm so focused on making it happen is because my parents never let me quit. So, I've even transitioned that into my relationship with my son. We put him in Taekwondo and there's these phases where he'll do good and he's excited about it. And he's like, I love Taekwondo.

And then there's others where he wants to quit. I remember one time specifically he was really doing well and he was advancing. And the instructor saw that he had leadership ability. So he put him in the leadership class. And we went into the bathroom, uh, to change him. And it was just me and him. And he started crying.

And he's like, I don't want to do this anymore. I hate it. And like, he just would not go. And so, when I talk to my son, I get down to his level. So like, I got like on my knees. And I just started talking to him like, [00:09:00] you know, eye to eye, man to man. And I was just like, hey, like you gotta do this. You made a commitment.

You know, you said you're gonna get your black belt. We're going all the way. Trust me one day, you're going to thank me because you're able to defend yourself and you're a full comprehensive man. You can, you know, defend your family, your, your wife, your kids, your friends. So you're going to thank me one day.

You got to see it through. And I just talked him through it. He got back out there. That was like a year ago. He's still doing it. And so, yeah, I got that from my parents. 

Edward: That is awesome. Now I have to ask you this question because it really resonates is you chose to get down to his level. Yeah. Tell me about that because it's such a simple concept.

But yet. We forget to do that as parents because to, to our children, especially when they're so young, we look like giants. So how did you know to do that as such a young 

Guest: parent? Um, well, I think I probably got that from my journey with plant medicine. Um, a lot of my parenting comes from my experiences with plant medicine.

It, because, oh, we can get into that later. I've [00:10:00] just had these visions where it's almost like I'm instructed on what I need to do. So I really understand that I do look like a giant. Cause I remember I thought my dad was like 15 feet tall when I was a kid. You know, so I, I get down to my son's level.

Cause I feel like so many parents, they talk down to their kids and they don't talk, you know, eye to eye. And for me personally, like my son, he's a mirror. So a lot of the things that he does, I can see like, Oh, he gets that from me. And so I learn from him. I say like, he's my mentor as much as I'm his mentor.

And he's my guide as much as I'm his guide. So I look at him as an equal, not as necessarily I'm above him, even though I am instructing him and guiding him. I, I love 

Edward: that because I remember doing a post not too long ago about, As parents, we can learn from our children. Yeah. You know, we're so quick to dismiss them.

They go to school. Yeah. They learn what's going on. You know, they learn what's happening in, in, in the world, in the nation, global politics. And then they come and they wanna share what they've learned and we're so quick [00:11:00] to dismiss them because we look at them as children and that we as parents can't learn from them.

Yeah. So I love that you said that your son is your teacher. Yeah. That's powerful. Thank you. Um, so what I want to do now is since, uh, you did, um, open that door to plant medicine, let's talk about plant medicine because, um, you know, I've been on my journey for three and a half years and it's been life changing for, for me and, and my relationships, family and so forth.

So how were you drawn to plant medicine and what happened? Where were you at your life that the calling came for 

Guest: plant medicine? Yeah. So I first heard about plant medicine. I think right after high school, uh, I was in a Buffalo Wild Wings, me and my friends went to Buffalo Wild Wings, and I think we had wings and beer, and uh, my friend Corey, he started talking about this thing called DMT, and he started telling me about it, and he's like, oh, [00:12:00] they do this DMT in the jungle, and then we were like, would you ever do DMT?

Would you ever do ayahuasca? And, uh, I remember my friend, he was like, nah, maybe if I was like 40 and having like a midlife crisis or something, like, if I'm not happy, I'll probably do ayahuasca. I was like, oh, I said, I'd probably do it. Honestly, that sounds really cool. So fast forward a few years, I met this friend cause I make music and he was kind of like my teacher and my mentor.

And, uh, we had this opportunity where he actually had some DMT and I was in a very dark place, uh, at that point in my life. I had just, uh, started reading Albert Camus and I really connected with the idea of nihilism. Uh, but really, nihilism is a very depressing philosophy. So I started thinking, like, there's no consequences in life.

That I really, like, there's really no meaning to life. And I started, I grew up Christian. I really started leaning more into atheism. Where, like, I was [00:13:00] contemplating, uh, atheism. It didn't feel right inside of me, though. But I was intellectually becoming atheist, but it didn't intuitively feel right to me.

And so, I, I did DMT, uh, one night. And it just absolutely changed my life. Because I just, I don't know, I just, I went somewhere, and it was like, there was this red tunnel, and I just remember going down the tunnel, and it's like I was in this infinite ocean of love. And it was just pure love and it absolutely changed my life in eight minutes.

Fast forward a few years, um, kind of going up and down. I got into this relationship with someone and she, she was like a very spiritual person. Uh, but we ended up breaking up and it absolutely like devastated me. And I remember at that point in time she had really opened me up to more like spiritual ideas and concepts.

So we had started talking about plant medicine and I just I remember telling her one night like I don't know I just I have this feeling in inside of me that like I'm gonna do ayahuasca soon I don't [00:14:00] know why I don't know how to do it. I don't know where to do it I just like it's gonna happen and then like probably within six months the opportunity presented itself to me I went to this event and there was someone there one of my mentors and he's like, oh We're actually having a ceremony this weekend.

He's like you want to come I was like Yeah, sure. And then I talked to, uh, I, I, I talked to Danny Morrell and cause he had just got back from, uh, from his ceremony and his journey and he was like, yeah, you should definitely do it. And like, you know, uh, this is kind of my experience. And so he really opened me up and made me feel comfortable doing it.

Cause I was so scared and I just looked at him and I was like, this guy looks, he actually looks better than before. I'll try that. So, uh, that's, that's how I got into it. Wow. 

Edward: Yeah. Tell me about. You know, your first experience with ayahuasca is always one of your most profound. Really? Tell me about the awakening that happened and did you have your ego death?

And how did that now start your full journey [00:15:00] into an awakening? 

Guest: Yeah, that's, you know, you said something when we were off camera, it was so funny cause you're like, yeah, you were like, it's really rambunctious. And then you were just like calm. And that was that first ayahuasca experience because what ayahuasca showed me in that first experience was.

Sometimes, and I still struggle with this, it's something I'm still working on. It's like I, I, like, get to a higher level and I like fall, so I'm working through it, right? But sometimes I talk too much. Sometimes, it's, you can actually say more by being silent. And so that's why I'm, I'm a lot more calm now than I used to be.

Um, and I think that was just me kind of transitioning from being a boy. That was my, like my inner child. Cause when I watched my son, he's like, jumping around dancing where now I'm like more calm and I know how to kind of manage my energy better. But I definitely had an ego death. I, I just saw like so many times where I would maybe say something to like my parents or I, I like to make fun of my mom because she's like a very anxious person and, uh, I inherited that unfortunately.

And so sometimes like I'll mess [00:16:00] around with her, joke with her. But what I, what ayahuasca showed me was that when I do that, I'm triggering her anxiety and I'm causing her stress. So like I'm actually bringing illness upon her even though I don't have an ill intent. Um, so I've learned to Not joke with her as much to where I put her in a stressful state.

So I still joke with her, but not as much as I used to. Um, because I don't think that was good for her health. Because she doesn't manage stress very well. So, that was something that I learned from Ayahuasca. And yeah, I just learned like, I don't know, you get so deep in your ego. Even like with, with road rage.

It's like this person cuts you off and you just wanna like run them off the road. It's like you don't have to do that. There's, there is a better way to handle things. And when you give into that anger and that rage, that is your ego consuming you, but you can transcend that. Wow. You, 

Edward: you said something that really resonated and I want to tie it into a relationship with, uh, I'll just say a father, it could be a mother, father, but just a [00:17:00] father and their, and their child, because you said you would make fun of your mom just cause she was anxious just to kind of trigger her.

Cause it was funny. But how often do we do that with our kids? Yeah. You know, and, and I remember, um, you know, I would, you know, my Daughters would say oh, we're princesses. I said no, you're not a princess. You're like a toad You know, but I didn't realize that I was leaving this like last impression So how do you correlate that now with with plant medicine and you saw the connection and then 

Guest: with your son?

That's a great question. Um, so for example, my son is a stud and a lot of girls like him But he's just like he's not into that at all right now. Like he just wants to play pokemon um and so I like when I go pick him up from school Um, or his mom will tell me stories, like girls really like my son. So, um, there is this one girl in particular that he, he seems more fond of and like he's more open to talking about it and stuff.

So we'll always like make fun of him. And, um, I could tell that it bothers him. [00:18:00] So one day I went to him and I was like, Hey, you know, when we talk about her, does, does that bother you? Like, how does that make you feel? And he's like, no, I really don't like that. It bothers me. And so I was like, okay, well then I won't make fun of you anymore.

I'll stop. I'm sorry. And so, you know, I would catch myself every once in a while slipping up. But I've really toned down the amount of, of making fun of him that I would. Because even though it's like, hey, it's cool. Girls like you. Like, he doesn't like that. So I backed off. And then I told his mom too, cause like, she'll, she would still like, make fun of him.

Um, I'd say, hey, like, he doesn't like that. So now she's like, toned it down too. Nice. Yeah. So 

Edward: through your journey, you're also... Um, teaching his mom how to, um, interact with, with Sean and not causes damage because it does cause damage, you know, even the joking. Now when you were in ceremony with plant medicine, was there any healing with your relationship with your mother and father?

Like how was your experience growing up and then did plant medicine [00:19:00] show you anything that you needed to come full circle to heal? 

Guest: I think sometimes it could even just be like the moments leading up to plant like the actual ceremony They say you're like already in the ceremony once you make the commitment.

So I had like this conversation with the shaman prior to Uh sitting with the medicine and this was my last ceremony. This was like, uh, it's over a year ago And um, I just said, you know, I I like I see like my parents do certain things that they do And it really bothers me. I don't like that. And so like it makes it hard for me At that point in my life, it made it hard for me to, like, be around them.

I wouldn't want to come around anymore. I'd just kind of stay in my cave. Um, and so, he said, you know, You, you don't want to judge your parents. He said if you think that by judging them or by telling them this is how you need to do it, or this is how you need to be, If you think that that's going to make them be the version of them that you think they need to be, it's not.

He said the way that you... [00:20:00] Do that and that you really have change and make change is by being a living example and not by being judgmental and So for me again growing up Christian, I felt like that was that was very like Christlike It was like non judgmental just giving them love being a living example And he told me a story about him and his father.

His father actually was a part of a mafia lineage and they he's Italian and They had done some really bad things through throughout their history And he's like the first one in his family to break that cycle of being in the mafia And he said, you know, my father was like a raging alcoholic He had done a lot of criminal activity and I would find myself judging him as well And so I had to go through that journey of just not judging him and he's like it was amazing Just the moment I stopped the one day he just he just stopped drinking and he hasn't drank in years Like I just stopped trying to impose my will upon him I don't know where I was going with that.

No, 

Edward: no, you're, you're good. Let me ask you a question because you talk about [00:21:00] being judgmental and towards your parents. What about with your son? And not only your son, but what about with his mother? Oh yeah. Because what lessons were given because how we treat, you know, especially when we're not together with their mother, how we treat them does affect our children.

So was there a lesson there for... How you treated your son, because I know I judged my daughters in the past, and I was always comparing them to, you know, my friend's kids and so forth, and, and, well, why aren't you doing this? Why aren't you getting better grades? And more damage that I was doing, not realizing I was just trying to get them to step up.

Guest: Yeah, I think, um, I think that's something with my son I didn't really struggle with as much in the beginning. It's funny though, because over time, as he gets older, because he's still so young, you know, as he gets older, I find myself and a lot of the things that I talk about are only happening in my mind I'm, not actually manifesting them out into reality So [00:22:00] like i'll find myself judging him in my head or I might catch myself slip up every once in a while where Like he'll want to show me like some pokemon card and i'm like well wait you were doing your homework Like, you know like do this and so I catch myself.

So i'm really working through that still Um, it's not something that i've mastered but I always go back to that conversation that I have with the shaman and that really guides me With the relationship that I have with my parents and my son. And I think even too, just having this conversation right now, I'm gonna definitely have more awareness of that.

Wow. Yeah. Now, 

Edward: this question has just been one that's been calling me to ask, you know, other fathers is, Do you show emotions in front of your son? And do you cry in front of him? 

Guest: Have... I don't know if I've ever cried in front of my son. I'm definitely, uh, I'm definitely vulnerable with him though. Like, I tell him if I'm going through something.

He doesn't fully understand it. But for me, I like to show him when I'm going through something difficult. Uh, the reason why is because I want to [00:23:00] show him that Yes, I'm going through something difficult. But I'm doing my best to get through that situation. And you're gonna see how I handle it. I'm gonna manage my emotions.

Properly. And managing my mo emotions properly is not me being necessarily stoic and not having any type of emotion. It's like, it's me just working through it with grace, not, you know, exploding or anything like that. And sometimes I do catch myself. That's why meditation's very big for me. If I don't meditate, I turn into like a different person,

So I have to meditate every day. . Um, and yeah, so I would, I forgot where we were going with that. I'm sorry. No, no, we're 

Edward: good. You know, You, you just opened up something that I definitely saw on your Instagram feed that I wanted to, um, expand on is I saw you showing him meditation and breath work. Oh yeah. I love that.

Yeah. And I saw him sitting there participating. So tell me about that. Like what just called you to say like, Hey, we're going to do this meditation and 

Guest: [00:24:00] breath work. You know, um, before I get into that, going back to the plant medicine, cause it ties in. I, so when I was on plant medicine. I had, the last ceremony I was in, it was like, so beautiful.

I had this vision of me, and I was really old. I was like, near, near my death. And my son was on the side of my bed. Or like, I was like, ill, or I was going through something really difficult. And he was just like, oh, come on dad, you got this, you got this. And it was like, he was coaching me. And so, um, I always like, kinda go back to that.

And I like to run, so like, I'll run like, I don't know, 10, 15, 20 miles. I, I've ran marathons and stuff like that, half marathons and I've run one marathon. And um, just like that vision keeps coming to me, like he's guiding me, like he is my guide. It's like his, a future version of him. But I had that vision of us and I've had other visions on plant medicine where it shows me what I need to do with my son.

Like get on your knees [00:25:00] and talk to him eye to eye, um, ask him questions, talk to him in a certain tonality and show him breath work. And so when I had that vision, I remember I put it off for so long, like probably like a year, like I'm not going to meditate with them. I'm not going to. And then one day I just got, I just got called to meditate with them.

I said, let's try breath work. So I sat with him and I remember the first time I sat with him. Oh, I actually did cry. I lied. Okay. He was like doing the breath work and I was guiding him. That would, the, that video you saw was like the second time, but the first time. Like I was guiding him through the breathwork and I remember I just it was weird It felt like my head opened up like the top of my like my crown chakra And it just felt like this like light or like this energy descended into my body And I don't it felt like I embodied like a higher version of myself and it said this is what I've been telling you to do You finally did it You're you're finally stepping into your higher self and becoming the father that you're supposed to be that we've been telling you you need To be and so I literally [00:26:00] just started crying And so yeah, I've been teaching him breath work And he a lot of times he doesn't want to do it.

I have to like push him like come on Let's do it. Let's do it and and then he'll do it And then the other day and we were in the car and he's like, hey, can you put on a song with like no words? And I was like, yeah, sure. And then, so I look in the back of the car and he's like doing breath work in the back of the car.

Oh wow. But yeah, I taught him that because it, it helps you manage your emotions and it helps you. I've had a lot of great downloads from, from breath 

Edward: work. You know, I saw something on the Instagram post that, uh, put some tears in my eyes and now hearing that planned medicine showed you a lot of lessons on parenting.

The one thing that blew my mind this morning when I saw it was. You taking your son to go see a yacht and then talking about manifesting and how some people, they see something they want, but it's just a dream that they're never going to achieve. And you coached your son on, and you told him, come and look, this is going to be our yacht one day.

But can you expand on that? Because [00:27:00] that's powerful. 

Guest: Yeah. So I think, I think certain people, everyone has their own life path, right? I think for me, when I was a kid, I always had really big visions and I had no limitation on my mindset. It wasn't until I got older that people started beating me down into believing like, I have to go and get a 9 to 5, I'm only gonna make 50, 000 a year, I can't have all the things I want.

Cause, this sounds kind of funny but, growing up like, I would come home from school, and I would just turn on like BET or, or uh, like MTV, and I would watch the rap videos, and like for me like, uh, Puff. Puff Daddy was like, I don't know, like he was like my idol and like, I would just see him on the yacht, I went to Ferraris and stuff.

And I like that, I know like some people say that's materialistic, I, it just naturally attracted me as a kid. And so I always like thought really big. And even when I was a kid, like I would have my mom drive, like we would drive by these mansions on our way to church and I would just imagine myself owning a house like that one day.

So I've always been this way. And so with [00:28:00] my son, I tell him that like, hey, like anything that you want in the world you can have. Like the only limitations is that you however the ones you place on yourself. I think Napoleon Hill said something like that And so yeah I'll take him to like go see yachts or I'll take him to We'll go to open houses like we went to this open house and he loves waterfalls and there's this ten million dollar house for sale in Laguna Beach It's been on the market forever.

If you expire, hit me up. And, um, I took him because as a waterfall, when you walk into the house and I was like, Hey, like, you know, you can have something like this one day. And I always tell him like, you know, I'm, I'm building my business. I'm working on our business. And one day we're going to own a house right here in the beach in Laguna beach.

And that's my goal. And that's what we're going to do. So. I tell him that because maybe he doesn't want to be an entrepreneur. Maybe he doesn't want to own a yacht. Maybe he doesn't like those things, you know, but I want him to pursue his dreams and do anything that he possibly sets his mind to. Cause that's what my parents always told me.

I could do that. We said, Hey, you can do it. The difference between me and my parents. So it was like they didn't have access to the [00:29:00] internet. So they just, they did all they knew to get by. Like, like my parents many times had two jobs at one time, but they would always tell me like, you can do it, you can do it.

So for me, I don't just want to tell him he can do it. I want to be a living example of that. And that's what I do by, you know, having my own business and stuff like that. 

Edward: Wow. So I saw a post, I was on the treadmill and I almost fell and it had to do with give more money to 

Guest: your children's mom. Oh yeah.

Whoa. 

Edward: That hit me because at first I was like, What? Because, you know, especially when you're not in a relationship together, you want to give the minimum or just what's expected by the court. So, I'm just curious to have you dive a little bit deeper into why you feel that, um, a man that's not with their mother should give more money.

And I love, I love the concept and the perspective you put on it, so I would love for you to share. 

Guest: Yeah, so... When I first [00:30:00] had to pay child support, I was absolutely opposed to it. I was in the victim role worlds against me at that time. I was working at Starbucks. I was still in college. I didn't make a lot of money.

I maybe made like 12, 000 a year. So it was a lot. Like, it was like, I was like, man, why do I have to do this? I'm not making anything. We have 50, 50 custody. Why do I have to pay? I was mad. Um, fast forward, getting into real estate. I had some like really good mentors. And I just remember My broker at the time, Danny Morrell, he would talk about how you need to, you need to support, you know, the, the mother.

He's like, there's some of you guys in here, like, you don't want to pay child support. You don't want to support your mother. He's like, you need to do that. You're basically like blocking the flow of abundance to you. And so when he said that, I was just like, man, that's whack. And then I just, I sat with it for years, for literally years.

And I think it was those journeys through plant medicine and just even now, like. I, I just received downloads and thoughts and I'm always [00:31:00] contemplating and meditating. It just came to me one day like, so what happened was I was paying the bare minimum of child support for years. And what happened was this actually happened to me like last year.

So not that long ago, I was late on my child support payment. And when you're like literally a day late, your real estate license is gone. Your driver's license is gone. And so I, I had listings. I had like a, I don't, it was like a 1. 8 million listing in Los Angeles. I had a few listings at the time. Uh, my wholesale business wasn't affected, but my, my retail business was.

So I had, you know, a lot of, a lot of money on the line and I had to give my listings away to other agents. And, um, and you know, what was the worst part was that because I didn't make that payment on time, I have a team and some of my team generated those deals, but they were under me. So like my team lost out on money too.

So like my, my stupidity cost my whole team. And so going through that [00:32:00] process, I learned a lot. I got my license reinstated and then I basically came to an agreement with her. And I said, Hey, look, I'm a very honest person. And I, I'm going to tell you this, like if we can just like get out of the court system, I will pay you more money.

And I said, this is how much I can pay you right now. And I'm going to continue to pay you more as my income goes up. So for me. I, my goal is the more money that I make is to pay my son's mother more money. So like it say, I'm making 10, 000 a month and I need to pay her at least a thousand. It's like 10% of my income for me.

So I want to pay her at least 10% of my income. And the reason why that is is because I want her to have a good life. I want her to live in a nice place. I want her to feel comfortable. I want her to be relaxed and at ease. I don't want her to have to worry about money. Because the better mindset that she's in the better mother that she can be to my son, because money is like the dumbest thing to stress out about.

And so many of our problems are caused by a lack of money. [00:33:00] So if I can help with that, she can really like work on herself more and just be a better person herself. And the better person she is, the better environment she can provide for my son. So I think as a man, especially as an entrepreneur that you don't have a cap on your income.

If you are not with your son's mother, you should aim to make more money to give them more money. So, 

Edward: your mindset now is that if your son's mother is in a better place mentally, financially, that's going to provide for a better life for your son. Yeah. That's powerful. That's powerful. And I applaud you for that because most men...

Don't approach it from that perspective. They approach it from perspective. I'm only going to give you the bare minimum and a lot of fathers hide their money when they're having an issue. Um, they're getting ordered to pay child support and they, you know, especially in real estate, they'll do deals on their other people's licenses and [00:34:00] it happens, but I love the correlation that as long as your son's mom is in a better place, even though you're not together, it's going to impact your son's wellbeing.

Yeah. Wow. You know, I also saw something about Christmas. Mm. And years ago when you were struggling and it was Christmas time and you went to buy presents for your son and you go to pay and the card declines. And I, I resonated with that story because that happened to me also. Wow. In 2002. So can you share.

Um, that 

Guest: moment. Yeah, I think that was 2018. Um, that, I think that year I did like three sales and that was the year that I went to a new brokerage and they really started teaching me sales skills. So I was like, like dedicated my life to just learning sales, [00:35:00] but I didn't have a lot of money at the time.

So I was driving Uber and Lyft. And something happened where, uh, I had, I had done my shift and I had, Press the button for them to pay me my money and There was like a hold on the account or something so the money wasn't gonna be processed for a few days so I went on Christmas Eve to buy my son presents and My card was declined and there was like a line of people behind me and so I'm there at the front of the line and I had all these toys.

It was like I was like a hundred thirty dollars or something in toys and Yeah, she said oh, you know your card it didn't go through it wasn't approved and I didn't have a credit card I didn't have I didn't have anything Um, so I just stepped aside and I called my mother and she was in like the city over and I said, Hey, I, I was buying, you know, these presents for, for Christmas and uh, my card got declined.

And honestly, like it's kind of embarrassing. I don't feel like a man right now, but can you just, can you buy them [00:36:00] for me for my son? And she's like, yeah, sure. So she drove across town to the next city over, which is Apple Valley. And she went in there and she bought the toys for him. And I remember I went in my car and I wish I would have kept the video, but I recorded a video of like how I felt in that moment.

And I, I, I just felt like worthless. I felt like I wasn't a man. I think that was a moment that I'm obsessed with this idea of like being a provider. I think that's also too why I want to give more in child support because I feel like I need to provide for everyone in my circle. And so. I want to make more money to provide opportunities, not just for my family, but even for my friends that I have talent.

Like I want to invest in my friends. So yeah, I just felt like I need to be a provider. And I just felt like I wasn't that in that moment, but that moment got me so fired up because it hurt me so bad that the next year I was able to really turn my business around. And I took like 15 listings the next year.

So I went from three sales to 15 listings. And I think I had like 20 clients that year. I didn't close all the deals, but it was a huge, [00:37:00] massive growth. Um, and it was because of that, that moment that just really sucked. It was 

Edward: something that needed to happen to shift your mindset to now never see yourself in that position again.

Yeah. Wow. Let me ask you about your spiritual numbers, 111. Tell me about that. And how does that resonate 

Guest: with you? Um, that for me, I started seeing that number a long time ago. And I didn't really know what it meant. I just started noticing these coincidences and I would notice it a lot with numbers. And so at that time I didn't have the, the community that I have now and I thought I was crazy, but I'm a very open minded person.

So I was like, okay, there's something here. I'm observing something. I don't know what it is. It seems to have some sort of meaning. And so I started talking to my friend about it, the one that I did DMT with. And he's, like, studied every religion. [00:38:00] He's a very intelligent person. And so he's like, oh, that's a thing called synchronicity.

And I said, oh, synchronicity, okay. And then he started telling me about, like, numerology and stuff like that. And so what I've noticed, for me, personally, is I see this number 111. It basically reminds me that I'm on the right path. Even when something's difficult, it'll appear. Oh, I want to show you something, actually.

Can I pull out my phone? Absolutely. I saw this on the way here and I took this picture for you because it just it just happened to appear So I saw this on the way Wow 

Edward: Nice plate with the ending one one one. 

Guest: Yeah, so like what I would notice is when I first got into real estate I would maybe go to a listing and like the number would be like in the tax record or I remember I was on one listing appointment, it was one of the first listings I ever took.

And she's like, oh yeah. So like we upgraded the house and it has this T one 11 wood. And I didn't know what that was, but I was like, there's that number again, . She was like, I must be doing the right thing. And um, [00:39:00] and then something like, I took my first, oh, I took my first million dollar listing off of the 1 1 11 Highway.

Mm-hmm. . And so my grandparents are from Coachella, and it's right off the one 11 highway. And I have a very deep spiritual connection to my grandparents, especially my grandfather. Even though he's no longer physically with us, he's still here. I feel like I talk to him quite often, honestly. I think I talk to my grandfather more than I talk to my own parents.

Um, and so yeah, I just, every time I see that number, I know that I'm on the right path. You know, I was going through something difficult recently, and I just, I just kind of like said to God, I was just like, You know what, if, if I'm gonna make it through this situation, can you just give me a sign? And I'm telling you, like, literally within like a minute, car, I, two cars with that license plate.

Foo, foo, 111, 111. I was like, oh my god, this is crazy. You know, and so I just started noticing that, and, and honestly another, a [00:40:00] book that really opened my mind, even though it's a fictional story, when I read it, I was like, that's my life, I am that guy. It was The Alchemist. I felt like I was that kid in the book.

And that really opened me up more to the idea of synchronicities and how there are these meaningful coincidences that, you know, they're, it's like the universe's way of communicating with us. Wow. 

Edward: So let me go back, backwards in time. And that moment when you're younger, you're struggling, and now you find out that you're going to be a father.

And just the emotions. Oh my gosh, I don't even have my shit together. Can I say that? Yeah, 

Guest: yeah, yeah. It's your podcast.

Edward: And what am I gonna do? Because that's one of the biggest fears, you know, um, that we all face, especially being young parents is, there's never a right time. Yeah. There's never 

Guest: a right time. I, I feel like what I'm gonna say right [00:41:00] now, I think it's gonna help someone. And I, and I hope it does. I really do.

When I found out I was gonna have a kid, I was absolutely terrified. Again, because I grew up Christian, and growing up Christian you're not supposed to have premarital sex. So for me, it was, I had so much guilt and shame, and because my, my family, they run a church. And so at the time I had two fam, two families, and they both ran two churches in the high desert where I'm from.

And so my whole family, uh, runs churches and none of my cousins have had children out of wedlock. I'm sure they were, you know, knocking boots, but they didn't have kids. And so for me, I was like the first one now, and I didn't find out till later that like some of my aunts and stuff like, you know, families hide things under the rug, but I didn't know at the time.

So I [00:42:00] was so scared and I felt like I was, I was bringing so much shame to my family. And I was letting my parents down. I was in college at the time, and all I wanted to do was finish. I was in like my last year of college. I just wanted to finish and go and get a job in marketing. And, I also wanted to pursue my, my music career, and I didn't, I didn't want a kid.

Because I was like, this is going to slow me down, it's going to stop me. But it was really like, and I don't have a problem with religion, but it was really that upbringing that I had, that brought so much fear upon me. And so I have some friends that are, they're um, They're from different cultures. They, they're, you know, maybe from Asia or Africa and they have different ways and beliefs of, or the Middle East, and they have different ways of going about things, and a lot of it ties to either religion or culture, and a lot of that is rooted in religion, and so I know, like, I've had conversations with some of my friends, and they're like, yeah, like, if I ever, if I ever had a kid, like, I'd probably have an abortion.

I even remember I had a [00:43:00] friend, like, He, he ended up having a miscarriage, but he was, it was like he threw a party when he had a miscarriage. What? Yeah, like, like everyone like came over, like got drinks and stuff, like, Hey, cool, like thank God, cause his father was a pastor. He was so scared. And so, His girlfriend at the time was devastated, but he was like, I dodged a bullet, you know?

But, there's so many people, I feel like especially in those communities, whether it's like from certain parts of the world or certain religions, like, they literally would rather have an abortion than have a child because of the guilt and the shame and the way that their parents are going to treat them.

Like I've even seen people where their parents kicked them out of the house. And so I felt that fear, you know, I felt it heavy. And so for me, like I really was conflicted and I did not know what to do. And I think like. I don't know, it was, I, honestly it was like my, my son's mother that was just like, No, we're doing this, we're having a kid, I don't care what you say, [00:44:00] I'm doing this.

I don't need you. I'm doing it with or without you. And so, like, her whole pregnancy, I wasn't even around. I just completely, I went off and I did my own thing. The first time I went on a plane, I started traveling. I started living life more. And, uh, by the end of when she was about to have him, I think it was like on New Year's.

Yeah, New Year's. Well, she had him in June, so it was like halfway there. I don't know, I had been drinking with my friends or whatever, and I was like filling the drink, and I was like, Hey, I want to be a father. I'm gonna be there for him, and all this and that, and she just like, You're drunk, Jackson. Yeah, she's like, you're a clown.

Like, she didn't tell me that, but I could tell, you know? And so, when I actually had my son, like, I hurt her so bad that And I hope people don't take this the wrong way because so when I posted that video about the child support She got so much hate message I don't even know how people found out who she is People started DMing her like terrible messages that she's like a gold digger and she's just money hungry when that was me something I wanted to do so, please don't [00:45:00] don't come after her But yeah like I wasn't able to see my son for like a few months like I wasn't even there when he was born and that like That really hurt me because I did want to be there my my best friend just had a kid and like I don't even know what that's like, you know, what he's going through, but I hurt her so bad that she didn't want me around.

So I don't blame her for that. But it was like really, it was just difficult and I'm so glad that, you know, she didn't listen to me. Something else that I want to say real quick is like, so when I was a teenager and I started like going through like puberty, you know, I started feeling like sexual emotions.

I used to have these dreams that I would lose my virginity. And, uh, I would wake up and I'm like, Oh, God, thank God. Like, you know. Because you were born, you were religious. Yeah, yeah, I'm like, okay, I'm still a virgin, thank God. You know, and so, um, I was the opposite of my friends. They're like, I lost my virginity.

I'm like, no, I don't want to. And so, um, but I would have these dreams. And I would be in the desert. And I would be walking through the [00:46:00] desert. And I would have a son. And, I'm sorry, I'm like trying not to, I'm trying not to cry. Because it was so profound. I would have these dreams, and it was like I was seeing the future, and I would have a son.

I didn't know his name, and I just remember like the sunlight hitting my face, and I was walking through the desert,

and I was just teaching him and guiding him. And I was like, man, like I don't know why I keep having these dreams. I was only like 15. I had never had sex at the time. I didn't lose my virginity until I was like 20, and so I didn't know why I was having these dreams, and then, And when, when I found out I was having him and it was like that, that pivotal moment where, where we really had to decide, like, are we going to have a kid or not?

I had a dream like the night before that pivotal moment. And like this angel came to me in a dream and it like took me back to my, sorry, this is like crazy. Cause like [00:47:00] I've, I've had visions like this on Ayahuasca too and it's like, it's just, it's crazy. But it took me back to those dreams, and I was like reliving that dream.

And it was like, you're supposed to have this kid.

Because, you were, you were placed here to do something great. And you've always felt that since you were a kid. And unless you have this kid, you're not going to be able to manifest your full potential. You have to, you have to do this. As scared as you are.

Oh, no, 

Edward: it's beautiful,

you know, because it's something we all struggle with as young fathers. 

Guest: And so, I had that dream the night before, and then the next day I just, I felt so conflicted because I was like, I don't know what to do. I felt like I [00:48:00] was letting my whole family down,

and this is the funny thing. When I told my family, they didn't even care. They were, they were 100% supportive of me. Wow. And I just, I, like I'm crying, like I'm crying right now, I cried to my dad. I was like, I feel like I let you down. They were so supportive of me. And they, they've helped both of me and her out so much.

And I just, I thank her for her strength. Because... If it wasn't for her, I don't, I don't know where I would be right now. I don't know what my life would look like. I wouldn't have gotten into real estate. I, I used to drink a lot. I'd probably, I'd probably, I'd probably just be drinking all the time. So, Yeah man, I don't know those dreams though.

Those dreams. It was like prophetic. And I've had so many experiences on Ayahuasca too [00:49:00] where it's like, It'll take me back and I'm reliving dreams from my childhood. It's, it's weird man, I don't understand, it's like you go into different dimensions, but yeah. Wow, 

Edward: so the birth of your son now shifted the trajectory of your life forever and it took the strength of his mother to block you from that experience and then how did you finally show up?

Like how did you finally bring down that wall when you hurt her so much? You know emotionally and psychologically to allow you and then what did it look like the first time? You saw your baby. 

Guest: So the first time I saw him it was actually really awkward So the way that this happened was I Had to I Was at this point where I had felt that I had hurt her so much that [00:50:00] I, I didn't have, again, I didn't have money at the time, so I said my parents really helped me out.

They actually paid for me to get an attorney, and I had to, I had to go to court to get custody of him, or to get partial custody, and so the court granted me limited visitation to see my son, and so the first time, uh, when she got served the papers. She also got an attorney and so the first time that I ever saw my son Was in so our attorneys had offices in the same building Wow And she was walking out of the office She just met with her attorney and I was going to meet my attorney and we we walked past each other and we hadn't talked in like months and I saw my son and I don't know I was like so shocked that I didn't even like realize it was him I was just like oh And I just said, Oh, hey, and she's like, Hey, and then we just walked.[00:51:00] 

And I went to see my attorney. She went to see hers. And then after that, like that process of like the visitation and stuff, it was, it was really rough in the beginning, like a lot of arguments. Um, it w it was just very difficult how, how and when it started turning around. I think it was just through like us have exchanging him more.

And then, you know, 

Edward: and, and let me just, just because I, I want to set the question up because this is powerful right here. How did you start to shift that relationship from negative and toxic, her not wanting to have anything to do with you, not wanting to have to do with your son, and then start the improvement?

So, sorry, 

Guest: 2016?

I think it, so we were just exchanging him back and forth, and I think we were getting more like, tolerable of one another. And then, we would kinda [00:52:00] like, go out here and there, and like, almost like we were kinda dating again, like off and on again. But we still weren't really in a good place. Um, I think what really changed things for us, and we still sometimes have our qualms and our differences, right, I'm still working through that.

But it's improved, it's like a night and day difference. I really think that it was the plant medicine for me. And I know for everyone, that's like not everyone's path, but for me, it truly changed my life and it's made me a better father. 

Edward: And how's your relationship now with your son's mom? 

Guest: Uh, for the most part, we get along pretty well.

I think, uh, something that I'm still working on is kind of like how I said, like I would, you know, maybe make fun of my mom or like, that's It's like the child essence inside of me, you know, I think sometimes I say things that are triggering, um, and I don't know why I do that. So that's something that I've been working on and that I'm [00:53:00] currently working through.

And I really go back to those, like that first ceremony where the medicine was saying, Hey, you know, sometimes you got to say less. And so I'm working through that because it's. I have to ask myself like are my words really like are they helping like how are they serving me and her or are they Are they hurting us?

So that's something that I'm still working through because I think like my whole life It's a really bad habit that I've had of kind of just being an instigator like my whole family says like oh You're an instigator because I like to I like to stir the pot and I think like I don't know if it sounds kind of like sickening.

I just, I love psychology so much. I'm actually going to go back to school for psychology one day. Like that's my goal. I want to like get my doctorate in psychology. So what's the date? 

Edward: What date? 

Guest: Let's put a date on it. I plan on doing that in my forties. And the reason why is because I really want to establish my business and I don't have to worry.

I don't want to have to worry about my business. It's something I just want to do. Because I want to do it. You know, and my business is already running for me. [00:54:00] So I want to spend my whole 30s just building my business. So I want to do that in my 40s. And, uh, I want to study, like, consciousness and stuff, but, um, with the psychology, I think I, I like to instigate because I like to see how do people react and respond and if I say this or if I say that.

It really is like pushing buttons, you know? And so, so I have to learn to stop doing that, but that's something I struggle with. Wow. I'm being very vulnerable, guys. No, 

Edward: this is, this is powerful. This is powerful. Is there anything, um, before we start to wrap it up? This has been a beautiful podcast because it just covered such an area of different subjects and just, um, and especially how Plam innocent opened you up and how it taught you to love and heal.

But is there anything, um, that you'd like to cover as we're starting to wrap up? Because before we finish, I want you to grace us With your music. Oh Absolutely, because you are an artist also and I started watching your videos pretty cool. Thank [00:55:00] you. So But before we get to that and close it out anything else any other, you know messages you can share for young fathers that are on their journey towards healing the relationship with their son or daughter's mother And just best practices that you can 

Guest: Yeah, I would say two things.

I would say number one, and I feel like this is for, I like to say for the kids, but it doesn't necessarily have to be for the kids. Like, you got to realize that if you, if you're going to have a child, it is extremely terrifying. And there is a lot of, you know, you might feel pressure from the outside world and you're, you're going to get these false narratives.

And this is one of the number one that I've heard my friends say is, I have a friend, um, And she's a doctor now, but she used to like talk about, you know, if I were to have a kid like, I'm not financially ready, I'm not in the right position. [00:56:00] Being financially ready is, is an illusion. It's a lie. You don't have to be financially ready.

You will figure out a way to do it. And when you say I'm not financially ready, you are literally putting a limitation on yourself. You are all powerful. You can do anything that you set your mind to. Very force that created this universe that we live in lives inside of you. You are that Experiencing itself and when you realize that it doesn't matter the challenge that's placed in front of you and see I didn't know this one At the time but the challenge that's placed in front of you You can make it through it and that challenge that thing that's so difficult and so daunting is it's a gift as Much as it sucks and you got to go through it and figure it out And maybe you're not getting along with with the other person the mother the father you can get through it And you're going to learn something through that if you handle it with grace and you understand that life, I got this from Tony Robbins, is happening for you, not to you.

So I would say that's the biggest lesson, like, this is happening for you to be the person that you [00:57:00] need to be. This is, it was all designed by purpose. Um, and secondarily, the second thing I would say is, What was I going to say? Oh, stop the games. A lot of the times when people have kids, stop the games.

You're trying to get back at the father. You're trying to get back at the mother. Stop it. It's about the kid. It's not, it's not about me getting back at her, her getting back at me. It's about what is best for this kid. Like, how, how are we gonna raise it to have, you know, be a, be, have emotional intelligence?

How are we gonna raise it to do well in school, to just be a good person? It doesn't, it doesn't matter, the, the games, they gotta stop, like, it's not worth it, guys. Wow. 

Edward: Stop the games. So profound. So, it's such simple concepts, but yet, how they can then just have such dire shifts in, in the relationship. Yeah.

You know, you said something that really resonated with me, and I remember, uh... One of our brothers that I journeyed with, and it's one of my good friend's brother that [00:58:00] passed away. His name was, uh, Mitch Asa. And, um, he went through his struggles and found his enlightenment in his final years. And he just passed away last year.

But I remember being in an ayahuasca ceremony with him in Peru. And in the middle of the ceremony, he just starts yelling, Oh my gosh! It's a gift! It's a gift! Everything's a gift! The good, the bad! Beautiful. The highs, the lows, it's all a gift and he had just this explosion of emotions and just realized that no matter what life throws at you, it's all a gift.

And you just bringing that up about a gift just really brought back a flood of emotions of uh, Mitch and he was a beautiful singer and a beautiful um, soul and he was actually on American Idol. Oh, how cool. Season two, I believe, or four, one of those, but such a beautiful soul, but just that always stuck with me.

He is. Everything's a gift. Everything's a gift. That's incredible. Oh my gosh, this has been amazing. Now, I want to hear a song. Do [00:59:00] we need to put an instrumental? Is there something we can pull up? You want to do some acapella? I just think that the audience should be graced with a little bit of, um, your singing abilities, if you're okay 

Guest: with that.

Yeah, yeah. Okay, so I don't know if you're going to cut this out or if this is going to stay in there, but So I have this thing, right? So I'm learning a lot about myself through my music. Um, and what I'm learning is like, I don't know. I, I, I've always, my whole life, I get, uh, performance anxiety. So like, I'm really good at something.

And then when I get put on the spot, I'll forget. I remember even one time, cause I used to like actually perform and stuff. Like one time I like completely forgot my lyrics on stage. It was, it was terrible. Um, and then I just like started freestyling or something. I don't know, but let's see. Um, I said all that to say like I'm trying to think of like a song that I could rap for you and it's like when I get put on the spot, it's like all my lyrics disappear.

It's like, where are you guys? Um, let me see what I have. Let me look at my phone. 

Edward: No, absolutely. And do the [01:00:00] outro. This has been an amazing podcast today with Joel and being able to sit down and just watch his transition from struggling to coming full circle and starting the process of healing, not only himself, but Healing with his son, with the mother of his son, and also looking at how things, um, impact the way he, um, kind of joked around, or, or just chided his mom, and how that impacted her, and how he's now shifting that to, um, how he raises his son.

So. 

Guest: Yeah. Thank you. I appreciate it. Thanks for having me here. Oh, absolutely. Um, what if I sh can I play it? Absolutely. Okay, so this song here is not finished. Should I give away the secret? Okay, I'm gonna give away the secret. So right now, I'm working on an album, and this song is not on my album, but I'm working on an album [01:01:00] and um, I, I plan on making music for a long time.

Whether I become a big artist or not, I don't care, I just wanna make music. Um, what I can say though is, so like, throughout my music career, I'm gonna drop these. Songs it's gonna be like a it's gonna be a song where I just rap the whole way through there's no no hook or nothing No chorus, and they're they're gonna be called channels because it's like a channel to message so this song here is I think just inspired by like what I'm going through right now in my life and Also, like I have some like Pokemon references in there because that's what my son's into Yeah, it's like this is what I'm going through right now So I'm gonna play this and it's actually not that long because I haven't finished it.

I'm still writing it Can you hear it on there? Cool.

Yeah, I got it.[01:02:00] 

That's a type of knowledge you can buy with school's tuition.

You They wonder why they never bring their dreams into fruition. For me, I'm about the action. I turn them on to ash like Charizard unless catch him. But part of me, I'm on the broken line. Sneeze, I tried a million MCs. That's all I have so far. 

Edward: Wow. I, I have to tell you, I closed my eyes and I was listening to it.

I literally felt like I was going back into an ayahuasca journey. Oh, come on, . And just know the music back. So I just have to ask like, tell me about the sound, the effects behind it, [01:03:00] because that literally resonate with an experience I had at the beginning of my journey. So I'm just curious where those sounds came from and how you put that together with the music.

Because I literally started to feel like I was going in a journey. 

Guest: So, in regards to the actual music itself, and like all the voices and that, I actually had bought this, uh, instrumental, this beat from a producer like years ago, I think, I think I actually bought it in 2017, and I had wrote a song to it, and I just found it by accident, like a few weeks ago, and uh, it's funny enough, the song that I made was, it, that song I actually wrote on the night that my son was born, back in the day, the original version, and, It was almost like, it was just about the pain that I was feeling about not being able to see my son.

Um, I heard that the other day, and I didn't resonate with the message anymore. Because, again, I was coming from that victim place, but it's cool, because that's how I felt in that moment. But, I said, you know what, I love this beat, [01:04:00] I've always loved this beat, I've always wanted to do something with it. So let me, let me just start writing to it.

And, uh, yeah, I just started writing to it, and I think that's just kind of where I was at in my life. Um, my son was staying with me at the time, because he was off of school, and so... I just have like Pokemon cards around the house and stuff like that, but in regards to like the, the, the other concepts in the song, I really want to find a way to, to blend like spirituality into my music, but to not, not to where it's over the top though, to where it sounds like, like if you, if you're not Christian and listen to a Christian song, most people are not going to want to listen to Christian music because it's over the top, but if you listen maybe to like the stuff, Like Kanye West is making right now like he'll put like little Christian references in there and it's cool because it's not over the top So for me, I like to put little things like that or even like mindset or business And that's why I talk about like manifesting and how I do affirmations and things like that But I'm really trying to bring like those higher concepts Into my music and I've even one of [01:05:00] my one of my ayahuasca ceremonies.

I had this song that I was working on and I really that's probably one of my favorite songs and I literally was writing the song in my head In the ceremony like it was giving me the lyrics and so a lot of the times like I kind of just put myself back in that mindset and that's why I call it channel like channel one because that's the first channel I'm going to release.

It's because it's like I'm getting those messages and I'm, I'm basically like putting the things that I learned from either ayahuasca or psilocybin into my music. Well thank you so 

Edward: much for coming on and I think this is a wrap for fatherhood. 

Guest: Breaking the toxic cycle. Thank you. Thanks for having me 

Malcom: Welcome to 'Fatherhood: Breaking The Toxic Cycle!' Dive in as real dads bare all – the mess-ups, make-ups, and every heartfelt moment in between. Tune in. It's raw, it's real, and it might just change the way you see family.