EP. 76 From Addiction to Fatherhood: Breaking Cycles with Edward Rodarte & Popeye Ray

In this powerful episode of Fatherhood Voices, Edward Rodarte sits down with Popeye Ray for a raw and honest conversation about addiction, fatherhood, gang life, faith, healing, and the lifelong work of repairing relationships with our children.

Popeye Ray opens up about living through decades of addiction while trying to be a father, the pain his children experienced, the moment his wife left with the kids, and how that became the turning point that changed his life. He shares what it took to stop cold turkey, why someone has to truly want change, and why the “aftermath” of drugs is the part young people need to hear most.

This episode also dives into the wounds parents leave behind, the difficulty of reconnecting with adult children, and the power of humility, apology, and writing a letter when words are hard to say face-to-face.

This is not a polished conversation. It is raw, emotional, vulnerable, and real.

If you are a father, a son, a daughter, or someone trying to break generational cycles, this episode is for you.

In this episode, we discuss:
• Addiction and the impact it has on children
• Gang life, peer pressure, and the search for identity
• Why “drugs are bad” is not enough of a message
• The moment Popeye Ray chose his family over addiction
• Repairing relationships with adult children
• The power of accountability and apology
• Faith, fatherhood, and breaking toxic cycles
• Why the most important job a man has is fatherhood

Thank you for watching Fatherhood Voices: Breaking the Toxic Cycle.

Host: Edward Rodarte
Guest: Popeye Ray
Podcast: Fatherhood Voices

#FatherhoodVoices #Fatherhood #BreakingTheToxicCycle #AddictionRecovery #PopeyeRay #EdwardRodarte #Healing #FathersAndDaughters #GenerationalHealing #RecoveryStory

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

But let's be honest, drugs make you feel good. If you're shy, they make you not shy. If you're a little weak-minded, they make you aggressive, you know.

SPEAKER_00 0:11

Welcome to Fatherhood Voices, breaking the toxic cycle. Diving as real dads bear all, the mess ups, makeups, and every heartfelt moment in between. It's raw, it's real, and it might just change the way you see family.

SPEAKER_02 0:22

Welcome to another episode of Fatherhood Voices. And I'm excited today because we have a tree today. I have uh someone that I stumbled on um Instagram uh probably about a year or two ago, and um just watching his testimony, his story, and um, you know, he has a podcast called Third Man in the Ring. And what a story of just growing up in his childhood and um getting involved in gangs at an early age and foster homes and addiction. And, you know, for all you that are out there and maybe have gone through this or even struggled with it, this is gonna be an eye-opener because we're gonna get an actual testimony from Popeye Ray and uh on Instagram and TikTok. So definitely follow him. But um, Popeye Ray, welcome. Thank you. Thank you for having me, brother. No, I'm excited to have you here today and um to just kind of share your story. And, you know, when I had reached out, you know, I said, I want to go deep with this, you know, I don't want to go surface level, you know, I want to dive deeper into sometimes people don't want to talk about, you know, the struggles, you know, they they put them behind them, but I honestly feel that the real healing happens by not being afraid to revisit it, not being afraid to go back to those moments and and down. It's those moments that we might catch someone in that moment that just might be struggling, maybe they're struggling with addiction, or maybe they're leaning towards it and hearing you know the roller coaster ride, you know, might just be a preventative for them.

SPEAKER_01 1:55

Amen. So I dig your page on that note. I'm a big fan of your Instagram page.

SPEAKER_02 2:03

No, thank you. It it all comes, it's all stuff of people I'm working with at the work. So it's all over the place. People say, like, you're all over the place. You're talking about relationships, and then one day about grieving a child that's passing.

SPEAKER_01 2:14

And that's what caught my eye and my ears. You know, one day you're saying this, one day you're saying that, and then you know, like, wow, this guy's a cool cat, yeah. That's why when you reach out to me, I say, Oh, definitely.

SPEAKER_02 2:24

Yeah, no, I definitely don't follow the algorithms. You know, I don't chase, I don't chase uh the views. I just whatever's been happening in my life, and and a lot of times, believe it or not, it's stuff that I'm going dealing with my adult children, you know, and oh man, that that's a whole series of episodes, right? Trying to try to navigate, you know, coming from you know, us growing up in the 80s and 90s, you know, 70s, 80s, 90s, and then now navigating this new generation of of children that it's just a different that cut from a different cloth. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 2:55

You know, the d time and the the time today is a lot different from when we're growing up. I'm I'm I'm 62. Um you look you you obviously look a little younger than me, but yeah, from our days, man, it just I don't know, it's it's bizarre, I guess. Just things all over the place. You got different mentalities and the way kids are growing up, you know. So it's a crazy journey, you know?

SPEAKER_02 3:21

Yeah, no, and I and I'm 52, and um it's just so crazy that, you know, no contact from kids uh towards their children and and then not letting their grandparents, you know, my my big thing the last couple of days is I've had a lot of people reach out, grandparents that are frustrated because they're not able to see their grandkids. And some of these grandparents are going like 10, 12, 15 years waiting for their grandchildren to turn 18 or 21 that they can finally tell their side of the story. And um, it it's unfortunate because it seems like that's like the new trend uh with this generation. You know, I remember when I was growing up, like, yeah, you may not have liked your mom or dad, but you just get over it and you deal with it, and it is what it is. There's no contact was can you think I've been on handy with it, man? Deal with it. So with no further ado, I'm gonna kind of dive in because man, I've got some questions that I want to ask that are going to be um definitely um impactful. So you were active in addiction for 26 years in your earlier days, and um during that time, you were also somebody's father. And, you know, my first question is what kind of dad were you when you were going through this? And um what do you remember as far as experiences that that they had? Was there anger, sadness from the kids? Or what do you remember when you think back to those early days of fatherhood and um the addiction?

SPEAKER_01 4:52

Well, I honestly I at that at the time I wasn't a believer, so I thought I was a good dad, you know. Looking back now and from what my older kids tell me, all my children are already adults. They tell me, you know, dad, you were moody, you know. When you weren't high, you were upset. When you were high, you were okay. You know, so uh it just um I I know I caused uh trauma in their life. My first marriage, I was very abusive to my wife, you know, unfaithful. And I'm not proud of it, but uh physically abusive, you know. And and then I I had that gang mentality, but the whole time I was a meth addict, you know. Did a lot of speed and meth. And uh I was a working drug addict, and not to say that was right, but I I I bought a home, but I was unfaithful, uh, very abusive. But as long as I had my speed and and I thought I was being a good father, you know. I um I have five sons, two girls, and I was always involved in their life, but what they were seeing, I look back now, I was like, wow, you know, a lot of madness, a lot of ugliness. Like like you say, from what I know, I'm not a I'm not a psychologist, I'm not a but from what I know what a narcissist is, I was at. You know what I mean? I was at. And um I hope I'm not jumping ahead, but I have a good relationship with all seven of my kids, but my oldest daughter is kind of distanced from me. And to this day, she still doesn't tell me why, you know. But uh when I see her, you know, she says hello, I go walk up to her, we kiss, hug. But she doesn't I keep telling my other my other children, tell her if she wants to talk, let's talk, you know, let's put a closure to this, but uh you know it it's obviously the way I raised her, you know. Something I did something wrong, you know. I know I didn't touch her. Uh I did physically hit her one time when she was uh uh in high school, you know, she was mouthing off. I apologized 101 times, you know, I don't know what else I could do, you know. I don't know. But yeah, she's distanced from me. Father's Day, she didn't even call me. And like I told her sisters, her sister and her brothers, you know, it hurts me because mind you, I I really I raise my kids telling them all. We might not see eye to eye, we might not all agree on certain subjects, but we never shine each other on. And uh look at she's shining she's shining me on pretty much. I mean, you know, that hurts. Well, it does.

SPEAKER_02 7:36

Yeah. You know, um, I have some experience with that because I didn't uh me and my oldest daughter, we didn't talk for five years. And um, it's a choice I made over a decision that I didn't agree with her, and then because of that, um, I'd throw her out the house and then she was dead to me. And um the one thing we did do every year is we had a father-daughter dinner that we honored. So for a couple of years we didn't talk, but you know, her mom made us go to the father-daughter dinner. And um, you know, when I started my journey of healing, um, and um we she started to see I showed up differently and so forth, and um the one thing she said that always um stood with me, and um, you know, I just want to share this because maybe this will help in your journey, is that um, you know, I wish you would have kept trying. I wish you would have kept trying, and also I wish she would have written me a letter. Because um, yeah, um you didn't text, you didn't call us so forth, then I would have responded anyway, so it wouldn't matter if she said. But if you would have wrote that letter when I was in my darkest moments, I would have reached out for that letter. May not have called you, but I at least would have read it and um felt the connection, even if I wasn't ready to um yet um have that conversation or start that process of healing. So just something that is always stuck with me, you know, when people do share about the distance and so forth is we can we can when we verbalize things, things, they don't see us now. A lot of times they remember that they're that little boy or girl, and they they just reflect back to who we used to be. And sometimes the most powerful thing that we can do, what I watched um happen with healing is is a letter, you can misconstrue the words. The words are the words, and you you take the emotion out, you take the fight out, and and you know, so just thought I'd share that because I it that hit on to me, you know, when you shared that.

SPEAKER_01 9:40

And we'll give that a lot of thought, bro. No, absolutely. Because it does it does hurt me that that she doesn't come around, you know. It does bother me. It bothered me that she didn't call me for Father's Day and I wanted I want to heal the relationship. But yeah, that's a good idea, put it on paper, you know? Yeah. Does she have kids?

SPEAKER_02 10:03

No. No kids? No. You know, because sometimes the the the way back to a child's heart is through their children. No. You know, um you know, the um the other thing I just want to say about that is um the fact that she hasn't cut you off completely, the fact that she's still responsive, means that there's still hope. Because someone that doesn't want a relationship is gonna have no contact. They're going to just, you know, they're not gonna come around. So the fact that she's receptive, she takes, you know, the hug or she acknowledges means that, you know, some they hold on to, you know, the ego and pride, they hold on to it. But the fact that you're still able to have some type of, even if it's minimal, that means there's still hope, you know. And prey on it and continue to, you know, whatever you've done, try something different now. Maybe it's maybe it's a letter, maybe it's bringing in someone that's an ally of hers to kind of be that mediator to just, you know, because I at the end of the day, what I've learned, and and I cause so much damage to my girls and my oldest, you know, we have a great relationship. My middle one, we used to be close, but we're a work in progress. My youngest one, I take one step forward and three steps backwards, and she still has a lot of pain and hurt and so forth. So, um, and the one thing that I I'm learning is I have to just learn to bite my tongue. I have to learn to just even if even if their truth is false, in their mind, their perspective is their reality. And I have to just like, okay, well, if you see it, it doesn't matter how I showed up or what I paid for or this, if they in their mind they believe that this is how you were, then you they gotta it's almost like I've had to let them just say whatever they want, and it hurts and it angers me and it pisses me off. And but it's like get it out, continue saying it, and eventually one day they're gonna get tired and say, Okay, I'm ready, you know. And that's what I've hoping for. You know, this lifetime, my ultimate purpose is to heal my relationship with my girls. And I'm not putting a timeline on anymore. It's gonna happen when it happens, and um, you know, that's uh the best perspective I've been able to give to people that are struggling with, you know, relationships is you know, it's not instant. You know, we didn't we didn't mess things up overnight, and we're not gonna heal them overnight, you know.

SPEAKER_01 12:28

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_02 12:31

Do you um remember like the first hit? Like what caused it? Was it peer pressure? Was it you were in a dark place? Because I I know the first hit is is sometimes the most powerful because that's the source of the trauma, that's the source of where it all starts. And being able to go back there and figure like why.

SPEAKER_01 13:00

The first hit of what, brother?

SPEAKER_02 13:01

Of meth or speed, your your first your the first hit of um your your drug experience.

SPEAKER_01 13:08

Oh, it was just uh I guess it was peer pressure, you know. Homeboys were doing it, so I tried it and I fell in love with it, you know. I tried the cocaine thing and it just that wasn't me. But when uh the early 80s or yeah, speed really came out in the mid-80s, I think. That was my choice, and it just, you know, I worked longer to to buy more and bought more to work longer, you know. And um I I had that mentality, hey, if I'm working, taking care of business, I have the right to do drugs, you know. And just uh again, I wasn't a believer then. And uh it was my way or the highway, you know. And so yeah, that was my that was my uh drug of choice there, you know. And it's sad because every now and then, now that I am a believer and I see a a method or or a speed, I'm like, sometimes I look down, I'm like, nah, I can't do that, you know. I was in that same place, you know? So yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:12

You know, the peer pressure is what initially started it, but you know, now looking back, you know, and in and it's been it's it's been 25 years now, or how long has it been since?

SPEAKER_01 14:21

Um I'm 62. Uh I stopped when I was 44 years old.

SPEAKER_02 14:26

Okay. Wow, it's okay for so 20 plus years. Yeah. Um, do you ever look back and and and initially it was peer pressure, but do you ever look back and and start to see that when the peer pressure was gone, you know, now you're now doing it. But did you use it to fill a void, like, oh man, I, you know, this stuff's going on in my life, or you know, honestly, bro.

SPEAKER_01 14:47

Um and when I say peer pressure, uh I've considered myself a leader. I'm not nobody, you know, when I was in the gang activity and prison youth authority and all that, I was always a leader. I I'm nobody punked me, nobody pressured me. But it's just uh I'm being honest. Like I I I've talked at juvenile halls, I've talked at schools, and you know, we're always saying drugs are bad for you, drugs are bad for, but let's be honest. Drugs make you feel good. They if you're shy, they make you not shy. If you're a little weak-minded, they make you aggressive, you know. It just nobody tells us, nobody tells these kids what the aftermath is. You know, when you start being addicted, when you go to the connection, they don't have nothing. When you start stealing from your family, when you start doing perverted things, you know, when you start selling your body, when your body starts breaking down and start having uh physical problems, you know, your teeth start falling out, your bones are breaking, you know, you catch diseases. Nobody says that part, you know. But in reality, the first hit and make you're excited, like, wow, you know, this is cool. Makes me feel good, you know. And now I can go up to those girls and talk, you know. That guy that I was a little afraid of, you know, he don't look so big now, you know? So now when I speak to kids, I try to tell them the truth, but I try to really emphasize the aftermath, you know? The aftermath. And uh, because I notice, you know, we keep telling these kids, uh, oh, b drugs are bad for you, but let's let's be honest, when we're kids, we're curiosity killed the cat, you know. We gotta tell them the full story, you know. Yeah, drugs are cool, they're gonna make you feel cool. But it's the aftermath, you know. That's what we got to tell the kids as well.

SPEAKER_02 16:39

You know, and the other and the other piece too that I think is the biggest peer pressure, not only for drugs, but even for gang affiliation, it's the girls. Yes, it's they gravitate towards it, and you want to be a part of it. You know, they want to, you know, let's get high, and it just it it loosens everybody up, and yes, you know, and and whether likes it's addiction.

SPEAKER_01 17:01

Like our Bible says, uh, sin is fun for a season, bro. Yes, you know, it is. And and you know, again, being a gang member that you got the girls, you know, the girls like the gangsters, you know. And um, but we don't see at the moment, we don't see the outcome, you know. You know, growing up, you grew up in La Puente, I grew up in Bassett. It's the same thing. Um, we see the older guys that that are doing the drugs, being the gangsters, going to prison. They're like maybe, or at least me growing up, I didn't have the the role models of positive people, you know. Back in my days, this early 70s, to even see a Chicano cop was like, wow. To see a Metzkin cop, it was like that was rare. To see a Metzkin on TV, it was either in the news or he played a villain in the movies, you know. But so we didn't have positive, at least with me, I don't remember any positive uh role models, you know. Wow. So yeah, so drugs was drugs and and the the homeboy that just got out of the joint, how he had respect in the street, I was like, that's cool, you know.

SPEAKER_02 18:16

Did you um have you ever had a conversation with your children now in the present or in the last 10, 20 years, about how it made them feel? Because I know um in in my family, you know, we've had some drug addiction and so forth, and um the kids were embarrassed, like, you know, you know, because you know, dad's at the corner and you know begging for money or stealing shit and going into the local liquor store and you know, taking stuff from you know the family liquor owners have been there 34 years. You know, so there's a lot of an embarrassment, a lot of shame that the that the kids went through.

SPEAKER_01 18:52

Uh to be honest, and it's not to say, but I I didn't steal. I didn't I you know I was a gangster 24-7. I didn't, at least I thought I didn't I didn't get to that level, you know. Okay. Um my mu my my main homeboy, my road dog, was a cook. So I got all my stuff pretty much free.

unknown 19:13

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 19:14

So I I didn't go to that level of stealing, I didn't go to that level of uh doing perverted stuff or anything, but I was still a drug addict, and my children knew. And I know some people have told me, you know, that I wouldn't have done it that way, but I never hid anything from my kids. They knew I was at on speed. And um, I used to have my sons, I have five sons, like I told you, and my daughters too. When homeboys would come over, I would let them hear and see what's happening. To me, I didn't want them to be naive in the street, but as soon as the homeboys would leave, I would always tell them, I let you see it so you don't do it. So you're not curious. And to me, I think this is why my son became a good gang officer in the pr in in LAPD, because he grew up around gangsters, so he just being around gangsters to him was nothing, you know. And uh same with my daughters, you know. And as far as I know, none of them ever used drugs. And uh whether I was right or wrong, I, you know, only God knows, you know. But I didn't want to hide anything from them. And to me, I didn't tell them, hey, I'm gonna go to the restroom, do a line, don't get me wrong. It wasn't like that, but I'd go to the restroom, come out, and I'd be a little bit happier than when I went in. So they knew. You know what I mean? Uh staying up all night, they knew, you know. I just uh sometimes my wife would say, Hey, you need to eat. They knew. So I, you know, again, I don't know if it was right or wrong. None of them do drugs. You know, a couple of them smoke weed, and I just tell them, you know what, don't do that in my house, you know. But you know, that was my journey. Whether I was right or wrong, I don't know. But I tell them now, you know, well, I take that back. Uh my youngest Adrian, the professional boxer, he he did cocaine a couple of times and it broke my heart. I told him, I don't want this for you, Neil. I don't want this for you. You've seen what happened to me, you see what happened in my journey. You know, the reason why I say it because they they they came at me, he came at me, he goes, Well, you did it. It's just like, you know, tell me if you agree with me this, with this, Edward. Some guys will ha drink with their kids. How mind you? Um, I'm not a drinker, but I always tell people, why would you want to party with your children? Well, my kid ain't an alcoholic. Well, how do you know he won't turn into an alcoholic? Well, I wasn't a alcoholic. Well, how do you know he won't? Or, you know, you never been arrested for manslaughter, killing somebody, drunk driving. How do you know he's not gonna do it? And and if he does, you know, who you gonna blame? Well, you really gonna blame him mostly? You brought him up like that. And you know what? I never even when I was getting high, I never encouraged my kids to drink or nothing. It just always amazes me. Why would you want to drink with your children? Why would you want to partake in that in that lifestyle? Because again, you might not be an alcoholic. I might not have been an alcoholic. What if your kid turns into an alcoholic? Or I know some people that would do drugs with their kids. My oldest brother, uh Junior, I don't have any blood brothers, they're my cousins, but they're from the same audio, so I called them my brothers. My oldest brother Junior had two stepkids that he raised. And uh he used to get high with them from teenagers to adults. And through that journey, they lost respect for him. And one day, uh from the story I got, one day, hey, go buy some heroin. They were gonna split it three ways. And uh when they came back, some kind of argument broke out, and my brother Junior slapped him, and when he turned around, this guy picked up a brick that he caved his head in. Just one time, you know? And uh it just hit me, you know what, he lost respect. They lost respect for him, and he lost respect for them. And he raised them pretty much from young kids to adults, and he ended up passing away, you know, from that. Stood in a coma for one year. But it always, I always tell my children now that have their children, I go, you know what? I hope you never drink with your kids. I know I hope you never they don't do drugs, but I I hope you don't indulge in that lifestyle with them because you lose respect, you know. Uh they say a drunken heart speaks the truth. You know, some people they they have a few beers and they say stuff and the next one they go, I shouldn't have said that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 24:02

You can't take it back.

SPEAKER_01 24:05

You know, and I just uh I just always figured, uh, you know, I I just never understood that. But you know, to each his own, to each his own. I I know some fathers-sons that to this day they're they have a few beers and everything's all right, but can we really guarantee our kids gonna not take it to the next level, you know?

SPEAKER_02 24:25

No, I you know, I I um was fortunate enough that I um I released alcohol, you know, six years ago, you know, in one of my you know, ceremonies, I was able to purge that out. And um, you know, for me, alcohol was it was that uh that booster to make me, oh, look at me, I can be seen, I can go up and talk to that person. And um, so it was it was just like that punch that I need, that boost, you know. And now looking back, you know, I've done some posts in the past, which have been controversial because it's ailed me with a lot of my family, but I don't get how you know we talk about can't wait till you're 21 so we can go out and drink and so forth, and then get drunk so you can throw up like you know, it's programming, you know, and like you said, you you nailed it, you know, the nail on the head is yeah, you expose them to that, but we don't know what's gonna happen when they're with their friends, when they're out there with their girlfriends, or you know, and so forth, and and we're allowing it, and not saying like said to each zone if they want to drink, but the fact that it becomes in just acceptable, you know, like I grew up in a generation where even as an adult, you don't drink in front of your parents, you know? Yeah, and now it's like no, they crack them together and they just sit and talking and and to each their own. But I I just it it just it's always been mind-boggling how parents look, and I was one of those. I was one of those, you know, when oldest daughter, I couldn't wait to go to the club on her birthday and and get her drunk and so forth. And and now looking back, it's like, no, what if we program it into our kids? You know, right. If mom gets, it's okay then hey, you know, it just uh I had a homeboy Boo Boo.

SPEAKER_01 26:02

He he's he still smokes to this day, but I remember he would walk to the corner and smoke his cigarette and walk back, and I told him, What are you doing? He goes, Ah, I would never smoke in front of my mom. And it just hit me. And this is when we were kids, and I just like, yeah, and it just always hit me, you know, that's that's crazy, you know. And uh yeah, exactly. Uh we think that, you know, oh, you're gonna turn 21, let's go have a beer, or what if he turns into an alcoholic, you know?

SPEAKER_02 26:32

Yeah. You know, if we go back to the past when you were um in in your addiction and and you were married at the time and your wife um left you with the kids, in that moment, um, and because you were you were a functioning you know, drug addict, so you were working, so it was it was very different. So it wasn't like you were, you know, so you were you were working, so you were still showing up, you're still doing your part, but they just knew eyes got glassier, you got happier, you know, but you still you know showed up. What was that moment like when when your wife at that time decided to leave because of the addiction? Did you care or what?

SPEAKER_01 27:10

She was like probably like a year prior, she was like, you need to stop. You know, the boys are the they notice you're high, you know. They see when you from Rialto to Bassett. Sometimes I make that run in 30 minutes to go pick up and come back. She goes, You don't think they see that? So every Friday after work, I work graveyard, I'd stop in Bassett, pick up my stuff, come home happy, camper, you know, start my weekend. And let's be honest, bro, I'd I'd stop by Sunday night, but if there was a holiday Wednesday, Thanksgiving or Thursday, I'd start up, you know. But she kept telling me, you know, you need to stop. And and then eventually it was like, if you don't stop, I'm gonna take the boys and leave. And I just kept thinking, uh, you know, she just, you know. Anyways, that one day, I came home and she said, that's it. And she I have three boys from her, and she grabbed the boys and and left. And I still had my other four kids there, and it was it was just quiet in the house, you know. Come 2-3 in the morning, man. I just I was by myself in the dark. That's the way I used to, I like doing it in the dark. And uh it just hit me. I I I can't live without my wife and my kids, you know. Mind you, I knew I knew of God, you know, through juvenile and everything, I knew of God, but I I couldn't call myself a believer. So that night I just got on my knees, bro. And I said, you know what, God, I'll give you my life if you bring me back my kids. Because I knew she was serious. Uh if you bring me back my kids and my wife, I'll I'll I'll stop. And as God is my witness, bro, 20 some years of doing speed pretty much every day, I stopped cold turkey. Cold turkey, bro. And I never turned back. And have I been a good Christian since then? No, I haven't, but I haven't done any drugs. I I never was a drinker, so I, you know, as time went on, you know, I and it like within three, four days, she came back. But uh, I told her, that's it, I'm done, you know. Did I struggle? Yeah, I did. Did I think about it a lot? Yeah, I did. Did I crave it? Yes, I did, but I to me, losing my children and my wife was I couldn't, I knew I wouldn't be able to live without them. I I knew without them I'd get involved in the street lighter again. I was already kind of involved as it was, but I couldn't do it without my wife and my kids.

SPEAKER_02 29:52

So the purpose of your kids and wife was so strong in that moment that you were able, after, from what I've seen, uh the research, 26 years of addiction. And a lot of people aren't gonna believe that, okay? So right you just got the Holy Spirit, bro. So what's it?

SPEAKER_01 30:13

There's no reason to lie. Take me to no no take me to that moment, like homeboys know me, and they know my story, and that's why they say it, you know. And this is what I I'm not to change the subject, it's just like when I witness to homeboys or any homeboy, they say, hey, Papa, when I know I could do it right, I'm gonna give my life to God. You know what? You're never gonna be able to do it right, bro. There's no perfect person, and only one perfect person, he was crucified. We're gonna fall short every day. We're gonna fall short. But but you know what? Giving your life over and start reading your Bible, start going to uh Bible teaching church, you'll see how God will change in his time, you know. So I as God is my witness, I went cold turkey, bruh. Cold turkey. And let me tell you, that like I said, Friday I used to pick up that first Friday, man. I'm driving home, you don't know how much I wanted to get off right there on Puente Avenue off the 10th freeway to go pick up, you know? And uh I kept going straight. And I go, this is my first journey, you know. And uh again, I I'm cold turkey, bro.

SPEAKER_02 31:21

So what steps would you give in someone struggling right now with addiction that maybe comes across as a podcast, and maybe they they don't have church in their life right now because you weren't a believer at that time? So if you could tell because because this is powerful, like this is medicine right here. Now looking back and and what you went through, and then your experience of just preaching and sharing and and the testimony and so forth, what advice or guide could you give someone that's struggling and and now you know maybe it's not for the kids, maybe it's for they're doing it for the mom, or maybe they're doing it for for themselves, or you know, because your your why, you know, you know, when I was when you're sharing this, it's your why. You know, in in business, they say if you want to be successful, you have to have a very strong why. Like your why's got to be so big that you're gonna go out and achieve it. You're gonna go out and get the business because your why it's your family, it's stability, whatever your why is. And it doesn't have to be, it could just be you want a car, you want a house, so forth. But and and it sounds like your why was so powerful, and the why was your wife at the time and your children that you stopped in that moment. But what about someone that doesn't know where to turn and and you know they don't want to deal with you know going to rehab and maybe they've done it and didn't work, and you know, maybe there's a family goes to them, but what what message would you give them? You know, and and and without bringing the um the biblical side into it, because um, of course that comes, you know, that's a big proposal artifact, but but someone right now that is not a believer, that's just right there because you've lived it, you you experienced it.

SPEAKER_01 33:10

My my first thing though, if I was talking to somebody, they first they gotta want it. That's her first thing. If you don't want it, I mean, prior to me stopping, when my wife would say you gotta stop, I couldn't imagine not having my life with drugs in it. I just I can't imagine not getting high on Friday through Sunday. You know, why? And I'd I'd tell her, hey, I'm I we have a house, you know, you're everybody's eating, everybody's healthy, you know. Why, you know? Anyways, I would tell that person that do you want it? Do you want to stop? And if you want to stop, well, you know, go to go to AA, go to NA. Go to, you gotta change your lifestyle, you gotta change your environment. Birds of a feather flock together, bro. You know what I mean? If you're still hanging around with drug addicts, it's just not gonna work, bro. You know, and and I I know Edward, you said take the biblical side out, but you know what, bro? Sometimes, a lot of times, God'll let you just get to rock bottom, bro, before he puts his hand, his hand is always out, but until you're rock bottom, bro, ain't nothing gonna change. Ain't nothing gonna change, you know. And I was at rock bottom. I knew my wife wasn't coming back. I knew if I knew I didn't want to have three boys that I didn't know, or or let's be honest, or some guy touching up my wife or disciplining my sons, you know. And um, sometimes you gotta hit rock bottom. And if I would see somebody out there and they want to change, then bro, you gotta change your environment. Even if you don't not thinking about God, go to NA, go to AA, but you gotta change your environment. That's your first step. Once you change that environment, get into those programs, and you know what? Come talk to me, and then uh, you know what? I'm gonna tell you what God's done for me in my life. You know what I mean? But you got to change those first two things. You gotta want it, first of all. If you don't want it, bro, then you know what? God's luck to you, I guess, you know. God's luck to you, bro. But you can't do it for mom, you can't do it for dad, your husband, your wife. You gotta do it for yourself. Because ultimately, when you do die and you find out it's from cirrhosis of the liver or or some other uh disease that you caught because behind drugs, it's on you, bro. You know what I mean? But you gotta want it first. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 35:44

Wow, that that's powerful right there, you know, because it takes a lot of the fluff up.

SPEAKER_01 35:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 35:50

Like, no, it's first, you've got to want it. You've got to want it. Yes, your why is gonna be, you know, the kids, the family, and so forth, but if you don't want it, then you know. So that right there is that's right there is powerful. That was the missing piece right there that um I was looking for. And it's gotta start with you, you, you know, the person. No, thank you for that. You know, okay, so you you now cut cold turkey, and now of course you're going through the struggles, you know, and the withdrawals and so forth. But did you ever what did that conversation look like with you and your kids now? And how old were they at the time? Uh my boys were probably like 12, 10, 8.

SPEAKER_01 36:32

But my oldest one, Raymond, he was already in the military. Wow, okay. So he's seen the difference. My two daughters end up going living with their mom. They've seen the difference. But uh my little ones, I think what they seen at first is just dad sleeping a lot, you know. But they seen the after effects, you know. It tears up your body so much, bro. You it seems like I slept for six months. Every chance I got, I was asleep, you know. But um, they see it now, and I tell them now, do you remember? And they go, yeah, we remember. You know, I go, Do you want that? Do you want that for yourself? This is why I tell them, don't get when somebody offers you a line, don't even do it because you know what? It's gonna make you feel good, bro. I'm being honest with you. You know, you do a line of coke, you do a line of speed, it's gonna make you're either not gonna like it or you're just gonna love it. You're gonna love it. Yes. Because I know some people that did speed and hey, bro, that's not my thing. So I I tell my boys, you're either gonna love it or you're not or you're not gonna like it. And I'm telling you, if you love it, you just you just started a wrecking ball in your life. You're gonna the first thing we all say is, I got it under control. I'm good, bro. I'm good. You know, I'm not I'm not stealing anything. I I can afford it. My cousin Lionel, flo, may he rest in peace. He was killed. He started doing heroin when we were young. I go, what are you doing? You know, to me, heroin was like, you know, drugs are drugs, but to me, that was like, you just that's guttered, you know. I go, what are you doing, Lionel? Ah man, I'm good. I got it under control, man. Eventually he turned into just a scandalous, scandalous heroin addict for calling him scandalous, you know. This guy would steal your your clothes off you and you'd still be awake, bro. He was so good, man. And he was a true killer gangster, you know. So he well, man, he he'd rip you off and and it was a trip. He would deny it. It's not me. I didn't take it. I didn't take it. And then when he'd go to jail and sober up, he goes, Yeah, that was me. I took it, eh? I'm sorry, but he just turned right back to heroin, you know. Poor guy, they butchered him and and TJ. He, you know, he crossed the wrong people over there, but that heroin was just bad, you know. No, but yeah, this is what I tell the kids when I go to the schools. Curiosity killed the cat, and literally it can kill you, man. Don't do it. Don't do it. You know, because uh you think uh marijuana, oh it's just marijuana now that it's legal in the state. You know, it's it's just uh it's true, bro. It just starts opening up other doors and what absolutely and don't even do it because curiosity killed the cat and they will. And now they got this fentanyl. Yeah, man, that that's scary. That's that is scary, bro. Literally, you just touch it and die, you know. It's so cheap. Yeah. So cheap to buy.

SPEAKER_02 39:38

Yeah, you know. You know, when I've um started kind of diving into your history, you know, you grew up in foster homes and temporary. One foster homes, one foster home. And um then you you were dabbled in the gang life and so forth and in bassin and so forth. How much when you look back to your addiction, and then you know, we're gonna get away from this part, but I just, you know, in closing, um, how much of that do you attribute, you know, the foster home or the gang life to your addiction?

SPEAKER_01 40:09

Do you think that um I I never really um I had a bad relationship with my mom. My mom was married like five, six times, had numerous boyfriends, and was very abusive. And you know what? My sisters had it worse than me, but she was very abusive, and uh I just turned to to gangs, you know. The gang life was my life. And to be honest, I still communicate with my homeboys and I I love my neighborhood, you know. Um, but if if there's a reason why I turned to drugs and gangs, it was probably my mom. It was probably my mom, but um thank God, you know, she she passed away like five years. Not thank God she passed away. She passed away, but before she passed away, she made peace with me. And uh, mind you, she was a prideful woman, never apologized for the way she treated us. And on her deathbed, she's she told me, you know, I'm sorry, Mijo, for the way I treated you, for being a bad mom. And you you know what? It like it lifted all my hate and anger towards her. And uh I told her the same thing, I'm sorry for being a bad son to you, you know. But uh, she made peace with God. And I I know she was a Christian. Towards the end, she was a Christian, she gave her life to the Lord. But if anything turned me to that lifestyle, it was her. She was just a very abusive woman. And when she couldn't abuse us anymore, you mean she was embarrassing us. Then she'd verbally tell us, I'm gonna embarrass you, and she would, man. She'd hit me in front of my homeboys, in front of homegirls. And you know what, as painful was it as it was, I wouldn't cry, you know. But it was very, uh, she belittled me, you know. And I was just, you know, I was ugly. And uh thank God I didn't do that to my children, you know. I stopped that. I I never did that. I was hard on my boys, though, I'm not gonna lie. And uh I didn't want them to be gang members, so I didn't allow them to run the street, but at the same time, I took them with me to the streets so they wouldn't be naive like I told you. And uh a couple of times my boys said, ah, the way you were with us, dad. And you know, I I'm not ashamed to tell them I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. But I was involved in their life, I was involved in their sports. All my sons were fighters, you know, boxers. But uh I thought I was doing right by being uh, you know, you're gonna respect your mother, you're gonna respect the house, and and I always told them I loved them. And then this goes back to my daughter, you know, and I'm and I'm you know what, Edward? I'm I'm gonna take that to the heart. I'm gonna write her a letter, brother. I want that, I'm gonna do that. But I always told them I love them. I still kiss all my children to this day. So to say I was a perfect father, no, I wasn't. I see the things that I did, you know. But uh all I could do now is just keep telling them I love them, try to be involved in their lives, like I always have, you know. But I'm definitely gonna write my daughter a letter. I'm gonna take my time on that.

SPEAKER_02 43:29

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 43:30

I'm gonna do it as long as it takes, bro. Yeah, as long as it takes, I'm gonna do it. Because I want closure in that, bro. I I I miss her. You know, if you're if you're listening, is this my camera? Yes. If you're listening, Rayline, I I love you, Mihan. Whatever you think I did, I I love you, and uh, I want closure. I want I want you to be with us. You know, but um I'm gonna I'm gonna write you a letter, Mia. I don't know how long it's gonna take, but I'm gonna start tonight. I am, I give you my word. I love that.

SPEAKER_02 44:02

And and and let it come from your heart and leave out your faith. Leave out my my recommendation, just have it come from you.

SPEAKER_01 44:10

And it's funny you say that because she had said uh a couple months back that Krishna stuff's your crutch, Dad. She was your crutch. And I told her, you know what, you're right. It's my crutch, it's my hospital, it's my band-aid, but you're right. I'm gonna I'm gonna pray before I write the letter, but I'm gonna just tell her, hey, this is the way I feel, and I hope, and whatever you feel, please tell me, you know. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 44:36

And you know, we some of the biggest hypocrites I've met are at the fucking church. Excuse my language, but you're right. And and it's it's you know, it's disappointing because, you know, and then two of my daughters are very involved in true stuff, and some of the things, you know, and I'm just gonna pull it out there and don't cry, bro. You're gonna make me cry. No, it's all right. I've I've you know, I've heard that right, you know, my healing, and and I I I'm grown men cry. And you know, and I'm gonna I'm gonna bring up something, and and I wasn't gonna bring this up, but now they have this conversation. I I'm frustrated because um, you know, my daughter was going to Calvary Chapel out in Fontana, and um, yeah, they just moved to Fontana. She's getting involved with stuff, but now they're putting up out of social media stuff about uh parenthood and so forth and abortion and so forth. And and you know, my daughter was a young mom, and um, you know, no, she didn't have an abortion and so forth, but they were there offering like support and so forth, you know, when we weren't ready to acknowledge it and stuff. And and I just I guess it bothers me when when um you know, especially because the Calvary Chapels, and I can speak because I I've gone there, you know. Um you know the parishioners, the people that go there come from struggles or they're working class, they're union, they're you know, ex-gang members. It's it's you know, and then to pass his judgment over like, you know, Project Parenthood and so forth, and oh, we're gonna go protest and so forth, but it's not just about the abortions, there's other sides to it. There's contraceptives, there's testing and so forth, and um that's honestly why I feel people that maybe aren't involved too much with the church, they start to get a bad rap, you know, because they see, you know, or or they got very, you know, I I've seen them get very political with um politics and so forth, and and that's not that's not what church is supposed to be, you know.

SPEAKER_01 46:40

It's supposed to be like a neutral ground where my my feeling on that is uh if you find a perfect church, don't go to it, bro. You know what I mean? Because you'll make it imperfect.

SPEAKER_02 46:51

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 46:51

There's no perfect church, bro. Um my pastor David Rosales, I think he's a man of God. Is he perfect? I know he's not perfect. But he's never told me to to vote for Trump or Harris or that if that's her name. He just told me to vote on your biblical beliefs because that's between you and God. But I noticed my church, my pastor, my assistant pastor John, they stay in their lane. And that's what I appreciate. They stay in their lane. I mean, mind you, I was going through marital difficulty with my wife. It turns out she was going through menopause, you know. Let me tell you, bro. Man, I've been I've been in solid dad. Had that that was rough, man. That was rough, bro. But you know what? I would call my assistant pastor, and sometimes he couldn't he wouldn't pick up the phone, and I was becoming bitter, you know. Like, why ain't you? You know, I I need you right now. But my thoughts on that, bro, is is if you're looking for biblical counseling, go to your church. But if they come out to you and start being judgmental, yeah, I think that's wrong, you know. You know, it's like the gay thing. I think I I don't know if you've seen on my podcast. I've seen a lot of it. And a lot of this were, oh, well, you're how can you say uh, you know, if I have a gay child, I need to turn on them or disown. I never said that, bro. No, I never said that. Yeah, you know what? My Bible tells me, love that gay per kid. Tell him you love him. But I'm telling you, if you're a believer in Christ, to tell him I don't support your your lifestyle. You're you're you're you're it's a sin. I love you as my son. Like I tell all seven of my kids, I've always told them that. There's nothing you could do to make me stop loving you. I might not agree with what you're doing, but there's nothing you could do to make me stop loving you. But yet I got a lot of feedback. Oh, I would never turn my back on my kid, and God loves everybody. He does love everybody. But when our kid does heroin, our kid goes and does a robbery, do we go over there and say, hey, I support you on it? Say, I love you. I'll be there for you when you go to court, but you screwed up and you got to pay the price. And you know what? You know, what your daughter, you said your daughter went through and they were passing judgment, that's not cool, you know. That's not cool. You know, if she needs counseling, she could have, should have, you know, the in the perfect world, she would have gone in there and they would have sat down or heard her story and gave her biblical counseling. But to pass judgment on anybody, that's only up to God. And then and to be honest, the way I read my Bible, we judge ourselves, bro. We are we're either gonna choose God's way or the the wrong way. You know what I mean? And and again, when I brought up this thing about about gay people, you know, a lot of people took it out of content. You know what I mean? Oh, I would never turn my I have gay children, I would never disown them. I never said that. Yeah, I said love them, but don't support that lifestyle, you know? Yeah. But yeah, but yeah, then you know, the the and then we have uh, this is me saying it, and I know you're not saying it, but this Joe Olstein guy, he should call himself a motivation speaker because he never opens a Bible and he tells everybody there, hey, you're good, you're good, you're good, everybody's good, everybody, everybody's good, bro. You know, keep living your lifestyle. You could be gay, you could be homosexual, you could be a gang member, a drug addict, you're still good, you're still good, you're still you know what? That's here, Candy, bro. You know what I mean? And he's got the biggest church that I know of in in the United States. So what it is that you're people want to hear that, you know, I'm good. But let's let's be honest, bro. There's God's way and the wrong way, and we tend to make our up, we tend to make our own God. You know, my God says I'm okay. Yeah, I'm being unfaithful to my wife. You know, I'm beating my kids, I'm doing linas, I'm a gang member, but God, my God says I'm okay. But the God of the Bible doesn't say that, bro. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 51:10

You know, it's funny, it's funny that you mentioned that because um, you know, I had this bad accident in October and um I wasn't supposed to live, but yes, I was because I'm here. And um I was always um very hesitant to to talk about God or worship, and even though my faith is in God is so far as the strongest it's ever been. But on Sundays, I I I now I do like a worship series. So every Sunday morning, and what came to me and and I, you know, is in a meditation I was having a conversation, and it's almost like God was speaking to me and says, I want you to share the message, but to the non-believers. And so I I shared in a way that is almost like Jolos, it's almost like motivational, but I do say like where it came from Psalm, you know, so forth. So I do reference it because that's where the story came from, because I honestly feel there's a lot of people that um could benefit from it because the stories are powerful, the the the Bible's powerful, but we've gotten programmed as children. We we we've never learned how to go to church. It's almost like we just follow with our parents, but a lot of us never learned how to read the Bible, how to understand it, how to process it. And um, because of that, as we get older, you know, of course we some you know veer towards it, otherwise veer away from it. But a lot of the ways that it shows up, it shows up in our lives, but yet we don't know how to navigate. You know, I I can even tell you, like said, the proper way to read a Bible. You know, I just open it up and I grab a story and then I'll just sit on that page or two because it's powerful and it's impactful, but it's relevant to what's going on in today's age, but we get lost in sometimes a translation. We get lost in sometimes the the the words and and and um then it gets confusing and we get frustrated.

SPEAKER_03 53:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 53:04

And and that's something I'm starting to do is uh I'm definitely like I said, putting my faith out there and talking about more. And if I lose people, I lose people. I I'm speaking my truth. Like I'm not here to um, you know, people don't have to like my content. This is just my perspective. And uh, you don't have to agree with me, but I tell people, you know, if you get something from it, great. If not, it's okay. But I'm putting it out there and and and trying to massage it in a way that is still respecting and holding the the truth uh of that verse, but also trying to write it in a way that's gonna get people to say, oh wow, that's pretty cool. Maybe I should dive a little bit deeper and see what that verse is about.

SPEAKER_01 53:44

And and and the things that are happening now are like it's in the Bible, bro. The things that are happening now with Israel and the Jews, whether you you support them or not, what's happening now, all the wars and the famines, and and and you know what, there's this clip, man. I I found it a few times. I guess this guy was in the 60s, and he said, if I was the devil, I wouldn't talk bad about God. I would just tell everybody, you're right, you're right, you're right, you're right. So there's no wrong. So everybody thinks they're right. That's why you have some churches that accept homosexuality. You know, you can cut. I mean, don't get me wrong, God come as you are. But once you come and hear the word, you know, this is where God's gonna put, you know, you're gonna want to change your life. To me, the best way the best church is the church that you go to, and when you come out, you come out saying, I want to get closer with them. I want to get a relationship with them. If you come out of a church and you're saying, Oh, I'm good to go, bro. I'm I'm good. I don't need to change anything. That's the wrong church, bro. You want to come out saying, you know what? I want to get a relationship with God. That's why there's a difference between religion and relationship. You know what I mean? And and I found going uh I I first became a Christian at Victory Outreach. Good church, but the gang stuff was so bad, I actually got in a fist fight at church. You know what I mean? So I just felt I gotta move on, you know. But great church, I I love Victory Outreach, but when I went to Calvary Chapel, David Rosales, man, he just again, I I came out of there saying, I want to get right with God, man. I want to get a relationship, you know. But yeah, that's my thought on that.

SPEAKER_02 55:34

And you know, I I I I love the fact that um, you know, when I shared, you know, the frustration challenges at one of my daughters where they just said, you know, it's not a church's job to dictate, like, you know, that Paul says, like, hey, if it's not gonna write, then just go to a different one because it's every, you know, every church is gonna, you know, yes, um they all have the same um ultimate message, but it's the way they spin it. You know, we spin it. And so the it's almost like the infrastructure, the leadership of the church can decide whether or not you're gonna have a good experience or you're not, because some are very cult-like, you know, some very scary, you know, and um and they get all up into your business. And I and I think there's got to be a place where, you know, you go and you, you know, you you hear the word and so forth, and and it gives you foundation, but that's the end of the day. Foundation, yes, you have to make that choice because that's right. I would rather see a bunch of addicts at church and people struggling because that's what it's supposed to be. It's that you go there, you're perfect in your Sunday blue. It's like I I go to church in shorts and a shirt, and I don't want to get dressed up and like that's not what it's about. It's not supposed to be like a fashion show, you know. Come look at me, I'm in my Sunday best.

SPEAKER_01 56:49

You know, I think they call that legalism, no? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, just come as you are, bro. Come as you are with an open heart, and you know, you might not feel nothing that day. Come back again, you're like, wow, that was a great message, you know.

SPEAKER_02 57:03

And learn not to pass judgment. That's right. Because as as as in in the Christian faith, Catholic faith, in all religions, sometimes we allow judgment, even though we're we're spoken about not to have, you know, if God doesn't have judgment, but yet we fall back into that judgment towards people, and you know. You know, you um I want to dive into um your profession now. You're a teamster and you're a professional boxing referee, a man of faith, a husband, a father, and you you built a whole life on the other side of destruction. But I want to know, and and you've already kind of touched on this, but um you know, your relationship with your kids now, I I know um one of your daughters, it that's gonna be a work in progress, and that's that's gonna journey that you're gonna continue to work on. I love the fact that you're you're willing to be over-minded to try, you know, different things. And and that tells me like you you're coming from from your heart. Um I love her, I miss her. What is what is a a a typical um family gathering look like for for you with your adult kids now? You have grandkids and so forth, like oh my grandmother's on my life, bro.

SPEAKER_01 58:21

Yeah, I I've seen the videos. I my grandbabies, but uh, you know, my boys are just they're just constantly clowning me, you know. Yes. And uh can't can't do nothing wrong with the boys. The mom, the wife, just those are her babies, you know. She's she's good with all the kids, but we're very family oriented. I mean, this this come come this Saturday, we're gonna barbecue at the house, but um that's all I asked is just just love, love and respect each other, you know. Just love and respect each other, bro. I I towards the end, and when I stopped my addiction, I used to make my kids go to church every every Sunday. Mandatory, you gotta go. But now that they're older, I did my part, you don't want to go, it's on you, you know. That's that's between you and God. But they know. And little stuff like that, not to toot my own horn, but to give glory to God, is uh my son Adrian, the professional fighter, he was going for a job interview, and I seen him and his wife praying together. And you know, I just like you know, he he obviously seen me and mom do that, so I I I like that. You know what I mean? I thought to myself, thank you, Jesus. You know, I obviously did the right thing, you know.

SPEAKER_02 59:42

Now, um your marriage now, is that your second marriage?

SPEAKER_01 59:46

My second marriage and um And she got over the menopause thing that that was rough, bro. That was rough, bro. Oh she's a registered nurse, so yeah. I mean, uh that was rough, man. I for a while there I thought my marriage was gonna end. I've been married 29 years now. And uh that was I've been in some wars, bro. Yeah, some street fist fighters, nothing compared to center pumpers. How um my real quick, my my older brother did 35 years straight in prison. He's from Basin, you know. And uh he got out. Thank you, Jesus. He got out and he got married. He called me up a couple weeks later. He was like man, this is hard and harder than prison. This is harder than prison, you know. Yeah. Marriage's hard, bro. You know, you gotta you want a good marriage, you gotta humble yourself, bro. Us as men, we gotta take take one on the chin, man. Uh, I went like two, three years there. That was rough, bro. So far, thank god, it's been like almost seven, seven, eight months. Uh, I know the person is. I know the person I was but yeah, she she got through it.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:02

Do you still have um communication with your ex-wife because of the kids?

SPEAKER_01 1:01:06

I I see her, but there's no reason for us to communicate. My kids are adult, but I see her and she treats my my kids that I have from Marlene. She treats them with respect, you know. So I I treated her bad, bro. I if anything, she should hate me, you know. I treated her bad, you know.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:26

But uh did you ever bring closure to that?

SPEAKER_01 1:01:29

Like have that conversation, or um was it better just It was a real bitter divorce and uh I fought I fought tooth and nail. But I did tell her I went to pick up my daughter one time at her house and I told her I'm sorry for the way I treated you. You know, she kind of gave me the cold shoulder, but she heard me. So yeah. That's all I could really do is apologize, you know. But that's a dumb young gang mentality, you know.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:00

Yeah, you know, you do it my way or you know, um I've watched your posts and I've seen you guys celebrating your your wife Arlene's um birthday and so forth, and just you know, dancing. And you know, I saw one of the videos where you said, hey, you know, we there's nothing wrong with me going on dancing and living and so forth, and don't judge me because you know I'm a man of faith and so forth. And I love that because it was just real talk, and it's like, you know, just because we're men of faith, it doesn't mean we can't go on and have fun, we can't connect with our our old, you know, like like I like to say, you know, you can take the you can take the person out of the neighborhood, but you can't take a neighborhood out of the world.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:38

And let me ask you this, Edward. Let me ask you this. Where in the Bible did it say follow Ray? It's true. Where does it say follow Popeye Ray? That is true. You know, if Popeye Ray drops a ball, you know, you don't keep your eyes on God, bro. I'm gonna let you down every day, bro. You know what I mean? I want to be a good example as a Christian. You know, I don't want to try to act like I'm some high and mighty, you know, but you know, I'm gonna drop the ball. And if you think me going dancing, drop the ball, then pray for me, bro. You know what I mean? Pray for me. But I wasn't out there drinking, I wasn't, I I was out there just dancing with my wife, you know. And and and that's what a lot of people think. Again, I tell homeboys, oh yeah, well, you know, when I when I can do it right, I'm gonna become a Christian. You're never gonna be able to do it right, bro. You're never gonna you're actually gonna be attacked actually more when you become a Christian, you know? More temptation's gonna come at it, but you're gonna know how to deal with it a little different, you know? But yeah, I got a lot of a lot of messages like, oh, you went dancing, what kind of Christian is that? Well, the kind of the Christian that dances. That's what I was.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:53

You know, as we start to wind down, you know, I also started to look at your career and and and so you were in boxing, and then um from what I understand is you didn't make it to the pros and um or something to that effect. You'll have to kind of fill in that as far as fighting. Yes, as far as fighting. Uh and then how the referee thing came in, and especially coming from that lifestyle. So I I want to touch on that because you have a podcast called Third Man in the Ring. And um I I think that's beautiful.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:23

Um no, I just I grew up in the gym. We had a boxing gym in Bassett and the Baltazars. I don't know if you knew of the Balthasars, they were in La Puente. They they they were part of the Bassett boxing and they became big, big time professional fighters. But uh, I grew up in the boxing gym and through all the camp and youth authority, I'd come out and go to the boxing gym. I tried fighting, and I just with the drugs, it just wasn't, you know, yeah, it was sparring and stuff, but with the drugs, I just couldn't get couldn't get my weight down towards me. So as the years went on, I asked Ben Lear in my trainer, you know, I'd like to be a referee, you know. I just anything I could do to get into the ring, you know. And he uh he made some phone calls, and and uh by the grace of God, bro, they they had it just so happened to have a one-year course. You had to go every Saturday for one year. You could not miss. If you miss, you were cut from the class. And uh I went for one year, and the crazy part about it is all the other guys that were trying out for were cops, uh judges, district attorneys, fire captains. Me here, an ex-con. I just go, you know what? I wasn't a Christian. I just go, you know, I'll try it. At least I could say I tried, you know. And at the end of the year, man, we had like scenarios in the ring. And they just said, hey, we'll we'll give you guys a letter, send you a letter if you pass or not. And it's a trip. When I got the letter, it was like I was getting a college uh college class. I told the wife, you will. It she goes, No, you open it. So we opened it and it said, Congratulations, you passed. Wow. The crazy part about it is uh when I went to go get my license, all the referees were there, the district attorneys, the judges, the cops. They said, you know what, we're gonna let you in. But if you if you bring shame to California, man, we'll turn our back on you, you know. And thank God I I've been in and I, you know, I've been all over the world, bro. No education, you know, been through the the prison system, the youth authority, the camp, foster home. And uh I've been all over the world doing fights. Start doing a little MMA as well. And uh I thank God I have an awesome career, you know. Awesome career. I don't know when this is gonna be shown, but on July on July 18th, I have a big fight. Well, a big show and and right here in Carson. Tell us about it. Yeah, we we're gonna next Tuesday we're gonna drop it. All right, yeah, in Carson. I don't know what fight I have, but it's gonna be on Dizone. One of the apps, the big boxing apps. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:14

July 18th, that's a Saturday. They don't tell us what fight we'll have, but we have we know what show we'll have. Wow, that's it's a big fight card, you know.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:24

You know, um you you just said something that I I I want to correct, and um you said I had no education, but no, you had a better education than most college graduates because you had an education from the streets. Yeah, you had an education on life. And um, you know, yes, I I went to school and and later in life and got my degree and so forth, but you know what? It was just busy work, it was just all bullshit, if I can be honest with you. Yeah. It was just to basically get the ticket to be able to apply for, you know, a state job or a federal job that I never even freaking applied for, anyways, because I went in, I was entrepreneurship. So um, you know, I I just you know wanted to just give you the the the credit and the accolade that no, you you had, like I said, I uh a real education, you know. I always have a BA now. Yeah, I know I think you have a dead. You know, I always look at um a lot of therapists that go into um counseling people and and sometimes and they go into it because they're all kind of messed up, but you know, they're sitting here trying to help people and they haven't even fixed themselves or or drug counselors that go into the schooling and get the the schooling to to teach about you know how to stop drugs when they've never experienced it. And I think that some of the strongest teachers are the ones that have been in the fire that have been the addicts.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:43

A lot of them are ex-drug addicts now, huh? You know, yeah. Oh yeah, yeah. I noticed that.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:48

You know, but um no, you know what? This has been uh a beautiful podcast, and thank you for your vulnerability and and for sharing because thank you for having me on, brother.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:58

This is something that um there's still and again I want to thank you for the advice. I'm gonna write it. I'm gonna start my letter. I don't know when I'll be done. It might be pages and pages long, but uh, I'm gonna do that. And I promise you, Railene, I'm gonna write your letter, Mia. I love you, I miss you. And uh I hope you read my letter, Mia.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:24

And thank you for another episode of Fatherhood Voices. And uh, you know, when we started this, it was to make it raw and uncut and to break the toxic cycles. And it was beautiful to watch one man, a warrior, unravel, and to be vulnerable and sure. Um, because I I'm just gonna be honest, we don't have this shit figured out. I'm so struggling with my girls, he's still struggling to reconnect, and and it's not something that's gonna happen overnight, it's a lifelong journey. And um as men, we have to put our ego and pride aside, and we just have to fight for the most important job that a man has. That's fatherhood. Thank you for watching. Father Voices.