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FATHERHOOD VOICES
Welcome to Fatherhood: Breaking The Toxic Cycle where conversations of healing and growth occur. This podcast will showcase brave and heartfelt fathers as they step into the light to share their transformative journeys of acknowledging and overcoming their past mistakes. Join us as these fathers courageously open up about their traumas, regrets, and the moments they wish they could redo. Through honest conversations with their children, they confront the pain, explore the lessons learned, and work towards rebuilding broken connections. Tune in to witness the profound healing that unfolds when fathers and children come together to find understanding, forgiveness, and the path forward. Fatherhood: Breaking The Toxic Cycle is a testament to the power of vulnerability, redemption, and the unbreakable bond between a father and his children.
FATHERHOOD VOICES
EP. 78 South Central to Second Chances: Michael Manzo's Story of Redemption | Edward Rodarte
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Fatherhood Voices Podcast | Episode 78
In this powerful episode of Fatherhood Voices, host Edward Rodarte sits down with Michael Manzo, a father, community leader, and mental health advocate who shares his incredible journey of surviving gangs, addiction, childhood trauma, and multiple suicide attempts.
Growing up in South Central Los Angeles, Michael experienced violence, abuse, rejection, and addiction at an early age. After years of living in survival mode, he made the difficult decision to change the direction of his life and become the father he never had.
Together, Edward and Michael discuss:
Growing up in South Central Los Angeles
Gang life and drug addiction
Childhood trauma and mental health
Surviving suicide attempts
Breaking generational cycles
Healing relationships with your children
Becoming a better father
Why accountability changes everything
Building a new legacy for the next generation
This conversation is raw, honest, and full of hope for anyone fighting their past while trying to become a better parent.
If this episode impacts you, please Like, Subscribe, and Share to help us reach more fathers and families.
Guest: Michael Manzo
Host: Edward Rodarte
#FatherhoodVoices #EdwardRodarte #MichaelManzo #Fatherhood #MentalHealth #AddictionRecovery #GenerationalTrauma #SuicidePrevention #BreakingCycles #Parenting #Healing #SelfImprovement #MenMentalHealth #Podcast
I was doing a lot of drugs to suppress everything. My emotions, my anger, depression. And a lot of people say, You're crazy. I'm like, no, I just don't care. You might see it as me being crazy. I just don't care about life.
SPEAKER_02Welcome to Fatherhood Voices, breaking the toxic cycle. Diving as real dads bear all, the mess ups, makeups, and every heartfelt moment in between. It's raw, it's real, and it might just change the way you see family.
SPEAKER_01Welcome to episode 78 of Fatherhood Voices. Oh man. Went for a treat today because we have somebody from the LA area that grew up in South Central. And he's about to share a story of addiction and crime and gangs and his story of resilience, of how he was able to rebuild and come back from that story. You know, the statistics that Hispanics have in, you know, these areas of, you know, South Central, Los Angeles, and some of these other areas that that struggle. And uh I'm excited to hear his story. And uh he's got a great Instagram and shares a lot of his um upbringing and just the different things that he struggled with along the way. But with no further ado, Michael Manzo, welcome.
SPEAKER_03Thank you, thank you, thank you. Uh I appreciate the opportunity uh for you to have me here on your platform to share my story and hopefully others can relate, you know, to to the journey of, you know, you said it perfectly, resilience. I use the word survivor in my bio because I have survived a lot of things, you know, and I a lot of a lot of uh I'm gonna just say my generation of peers didn't, you know, whether it was addiction or or or the streets or violence, you know, just or traditions that we felt we needed to follow because that's what we grew up around.
SPEAKER_01You know, there's something that uh we're talking about right off camera and you shared, and um, you know, you said that uh there was a point where um you even struggled with um attempted suicide. Yeah. And um I'd like to just open there because that's something that a lot of men don't talk about. And I'm very familiar with that. Um that sits real close to me because not only had have I had um family members take their life because of suicide, but um it it just goes a lot closer than um I think the audience even realizes. But um because you've shared that on your platform, I think that's just a beautiful way, a beautiful um way to open it because there's a lot of people right now struggling. They're struggling because of finances, they're struggling because of their health. Yeah. Um, especially I know a lot of people with fibromyalgia that just want to give up because they just can't stand the pain anymore. Um, and then some that are struggling just because of how they showed up as a father and and having no contact from the kids. So, you know, suicidal ideation can come in so many different ways. But um, you know, I would love to open it up with just maybe a little bit of of your story because and thank you.
SPEAKER_03And and I'll start on why I felt like that, you know, growing up in my home. Um, I always felt and I knew that my parents were going through something, but they didn't tell us, you know, they wanted like, don't worry, like everything's gonna be fine. Um, but I knew something was happening. But when I was seven, I I saw someone get shot, like right in front of me, feet away. And um I just embraced that as this is part of your upbringing, right? So in the home, there was a lot of rage, there was a lot of violence, uh. And I grew up with that, and I felt unwanted and rejected. So as I got older, all those suppressed feelings were unleashed through anger and violence. And even though, you know, I've always been a comedic type of guy, fun guy, right? But deep down inside I was suffering and I was going through things that I didn't understand. So when I was 19 was my first attempt where I was living with my dad, it's me and him. I didn't know. He had walked in, but I I I opened up uh uh a bottle of titano, and as I was I just swig the whole thing. But as when I was swigging, I don't know where he came from, because he wasn't even home at that time, and he had just gotten home from work, I guess. He slapped it out of my and I was already drunk, because I still remember that. I'd been drinking all day, and um he slapped it out of my hand, and I think some touched my lips, but not nothing went inside my mouth, and um so but I I broke down after that because I felt again unwanted, and here I am, you know, a tough guy, like you know, way here and wanting to do things or prove myself or have an identity of being this no one can bother me because I was also bullied as a kid in school and teased a lot, and I got tired of that. And my way to respond was through violence, because I saw in elementary that it worked, and I said, I'm gonna continue doing this so they can stop bothering me. So, and I share that because in in the culture like of the streets and and just being around young teen boys, like if someone does something to you, you gotta avenge yourself or stand up for yourself, or else you're you're seen as a punk. You know, so when I did that attempted uh uh uh you know, wanting to just end everything, um I was at a point where I felt low. And I was doing a lot of drugs to suppress everything, my emotions, my anger, depression. I didn't even know what they were at that time. And a lot of people say, You're crazy. I was like, no, I just don't care. I just don't care. You might see it as me being crazy. I just don't care about life. Like, I don't care about my life. Well, make sure you think I care about someone else's life. That was my mindset.
SPEAKER_01Wow. So now I'm gonna go backwards and say, take me back to that little boy in South Central. And what it through the eyes of a of a young boy, what did that look like growing up? Because of that all built up into Ward got you to that point of wanting to just take your life. So now take us to that little boy in South Central at five years old, at ten years old. What was life like?
SPEAKER_03Life for the most part I always believed was good, you know. Um but there was like time frames or timelines in my life where I just don't remember like a thing. I don't know if this just me blocking them out, still something I haven't dived into yet. Um but for the most part it was good, and I'm basing this off pictures that my dad took. Because they're like, oh, this is good, and this this is like, oh, we celebrate my birthday. We went here, we went there, a lot of different places. And I was like, oh, that's cool, you know, and but for me, um, one of the things I will say, you know, I my my dad passed three years ago. I love him and I think he did the best that he could. Um, but he was facing a lot of discrimination, uh, a lot of racism, and at his work, and he would come upset and frustrated and angry. And unfortunately, I paid the price for that. He would take out his rage on me, and I felt like unloved, uncared for, unwanted. And that just made me feel like my self-esteem was very low, extremely low. And you know, and it and it was sad. And I remember I used to listen to a lot of songs. Uh, there was one song that I used to connect to, it was uh by L uh L L Cool J. I need love. And um, and he used to make me sad, and I remember I rewrote it, but I I framed it as me not having love for my parents. My dad found it, and he's like, What is this about? We give you everything, and I was like, you know, and it wasn't until later that I said, that was his experience. This is my experience, right? So I I felt like abandoned I felt like an orphan. I remember one time we went to a party in San Diego. It was my birthday. I didn't get no cake, I didn't get anything. And I remember I walked out of the reception hall and I just went like 20, 30 feet from the beach or whatever. Uh, it was on the beach, and I walked, and I just sit sat there looking at the waves, and I just felt like so lonely. And I and I I stayed with that feeling of loneliness for a long time. So I always tried to to fill that hole with drugs, sex, women, violence, food, just anything that will make me feel whole for that moment. And when I will feel empty again, I would need that, whatever it was, to fill that hole. And that's what I was doing for a long time.
SPEAKER_01Wow, you know, you said something very powerful, and um, I always look to extract uh some type of PDF that we can do together. And you said something that really stood out and Kristen, we're gonna do this PDF. We haven't done the last one, but we're gonna we're gonna do that one and we do this one. Um, you said that, you know, your dad found that uh letter that we you wrote about, you know, the LA Cool Jay song, I need love, but you you shifted it so the words were about your parents not giving you love, specifically your dad, correct? Yeah. And you said something just right now, you said, but that was, in a sense, you said that was his story. What he was saying was, but I give you everything. And and that's something powerful that parents need to understand, especially fathers, because in our mind we create this story of we're providing because we put food on the table, because we put a we we're paying the rent or paying the mortgage, we're paying the electricity bill. But when you real really peel through the layers, a kid wants you present. You know, I know for me, my um love language was was uh buying stuff. You know, I wasn't there, I was always working, and I would just uh buy my kids stuff, you know, my daughters, because that was my way of saying, I love you, but don't bother me. Don't ask me to go to the school play, don't ask me to go to nothing because I've got to work. And that was my way to to shut them up. And, you know, just here then now, it it it triggered something that um, yeah, I think that right there, just starting up, is a great PDF that we can work on together that could be a free resource to educate parents about how the story that we're creating in our mind as parents of how we're showing up isn't the story that the children are receiving. Exactly. So let's let's do that together. Let's do it. Over the next week, we'll we'll we'll go back and forth and let's let's put it out as a free um PDF, a resource, because that right there is probably the biggest obstacle that parents and and children face is you know, the dad may think he's the greatest person of the world, and the son or daughter has resentment and anger, and and and it builds up into rage because they're not getting love the way they should be. And you said something earlier. You said, you know, my dad, you know, just should did the best way he can. You know, there wasn't a manual. And, you know, something that has helped me with my relationship with my father, because it always hasn't been the greatest, is I finally had to come to the realization that, you know, we're exposed to all these shows, you know, the Brady Bunch and Cosby Show and and movies, and oh, this is what family's supposed to look like. Or if you're lucky enough, you have a friend who has a great fucking family that sits at the dinner table and the dad is loving the mom like a leave it to beaver moment, and you kind of look back and go like, what about me?
SPEAKER_03Exactly.
SPEAKER_01You know, so we build up these false expectations that the TV and movies create, and then we realize like it's not really like that. So what I've had to do is I had to now go back and say exactly what you just said, my parents did the best that they did the best that they could with what they had, with the circumstances.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, you know, I totally agree. I I you know another thing I was thinking as you were sharing that is uh I was abused by a woman when I was seven. I don't remember her name. I know she was the cousin or or Dia or something of a little friend that we had in the apartment complex. Um, I just remember she had red lipstick, black hair that was parted down the middle. Later on in life, I looked for a woman exactly like that. That's a woman like that, but that's not how one. I didn't tell my dad. I told him when I was I'm 50 now, but I told him when I was like I I think maybe 36. And he told me, how come you didn't tell me? I told him, because you you would have got mad at me. Because in his parenting style, it was a fear-based approach. So I was scared to tell him anything. I got robbed, I got beat up, I got chased home, uh, I got a nep, I did school, um, anything because I was scared of what he would do or how he would respond. And that just blocked the total communication, you know?
SPEAKER_01And you know, you just uh brought up something that is is very close to my heart because you know, growing up uh and raising three daughters, I was an extreme narcissist and that ego and price, so that my chista, you know, coming from gang life and then going into law enforcement and and um into corporate America with that freaking mentality. And so my daughters went through a lot of different things in life, you know, with toxic, you know, ex-boyfriends and um just things that I'm not gonna share because that's their journey, but just ugly things. Yeah. And you know, the thing that happened was I was never told because they were afraid of how I was gonna react. Not only how he was gonna react towards them, like, you know, well, why did you let this happen? Or, you know, I was gonna put the blame on them, exactly what you said, but then uh how I would react and how I would go and retaliate. So in our household, it was better just to because my thing was always touch my fucking kids, I'll kill you. Like, I don't care, I'll do the time, but you're not gonna hurt my kids. But then in retrospect, looking back, is all this ego and pride and you know what I'm capable of was irrelevant because there was so much fear in the house of well, he's gonna go and retaliate, and then now he's gonna go to prison. And, you know, how do we pay the bills or what's gonna happen with the family? So, you know, for you, you men out there that think you're ego and pride and you're this big badass machista guy, and nobody's gonna fuck with your kids. Let me tell you something. That's who men target is fucking men like you, they target your kids because they know that nobody's gonna say anything because they're afraid of how you're gonna react.
SPEAKER_03I love that. I love that was the I love that you said that because that's important. Um, a mentor of mine, she told me one time, um, you know, you can retaliate. You can do that, right? Someone hurts your kids, uh, abuses them. You can go retaliate. But also you won't be able to protect them if you're in prison, you're away. And that stuck with me because uh there was a situation with my son, and this had been the second time, and he was we were in a staff meeting at work, and um and my daughter kept calling me and and and she finally texted me, and she's like, Mike, my son, which is his name, not even he's like, he just got robbed. So I stood there, I walked out, someone walked out with me, like after 10 minutes that that I didn't come back, and then um I told them my son just got robbed. I'm like, Whoa, what do you feel like doing? I feel like going over there. I came back, they stopped a staff meeting, everyone supported me. I said, What would you do? Like, what do you want to do? I said, I want to go over there, find the person, run them over, get my stuff back, get his stuff back, you know, and I want to protect my son. And just me just sharing it with everyone, they didn't tell me what to do. That just grounded me to the point where I still went over there. I checked in with my son, but I was glad that he was okay. He was really um devastated by it and upset, upset to the point that like the next day he said, Can you help me get a gun? Because that had been his second time that he was robbed. And I felt so sad that he had to go through that because my kids are good kids, they don't bother anyone. They work, they mind their business, they stay home, they're they're not out there in the streets, you know, they're not doing that, not even close to have the crap that I did. So I'm like, they're good kids. So, like, why are you bothering them? And also it triggered me because that reminded me of being bullied. I didn't bother anybody. I was bullied, robbed, beat up, embarrassed by shorts pulled down, like in school, like in the playground. I was like, I didn't bother anybody. So that's also where the anger came into, and combined with whatever was happening in my household. So I was I was I was just out there, uh uh unleashing my anger on everyone because no one saved me, because no one knew what was happening, right? So, but I I blamed the world for that.
SPEAKER_01Wow. You know, um, when I was going through your bio on Instagram, um, not sure if it was your bio or it was in um when I dived into your your link tree um or your website, but it talked about you being a survivor. And I just want to touch on that. So was that a survivor because uh what happened with that woman when you were seven years old, or was that when you call yourself survivor, what are you referencing?
SPEAKER_03I'm just surviving everything. Uh in in growing up in the 80s, I saw everything young. I saw uh uh uh um uh um someone get shot um like feet away from me. Um I saw drug transactions. I'm still in elementary. Um I saw actually uh a guy hook up with a prostitute in the alley. Um and then we were peeking. We're mischievous little kids, we're peeking, and the manager came like, get away from here, you know. So growing up in that time, surviving everything, I've been shot two different times. I've had close calls where like one of the closest ones was I was driving somewhere with some friends, some homies, and um, you know, they threw gangs at me, threw up, you know, and and I remember I felt like something like this, and it was a bully. When I looked around, you see the bullet like right next to my head. If I would have went like this, I would have been shot in the head. And just other times where I was near death, and you know, I had friends that passed away, left kids behind. It's very sad to to to see that, you know, and to know that that's happened. Um, and surviving just the usage of drugs because I was addicted to drugs. Like, like I would get meth and use it like every 10 minutes and just burn through it. And, you know, and I would want to just stay high and high and high. And people would say, You're gonna OD, like slow down. I didn't care. Um, so I survived all that, survived all the trauma. Now I'm dissecting and understanding and embracing all the trauma and all these experiences uh to understand myself better, to understand why I take, why I feel the way that I feel, why I have responded to situations in the way that I that I did. And then you talked about men. You know, one of the things that that I felt rejected by my mom um when I got into relationship with women, um, when I felt rejected, I will call them out their name, I will go cheat on them, go oh, you're rejecting me? Okay, well, I'm gonna show you. I'm gonna I have someone else already lined up by, and that's you know, that's the way that I operated. You know, so surviving a lot of these traditional ways, especially like around men being in the street and being tough, and you know, uh um belittling women, like to transition from all that, whoever's still there, they they frown upon that, you know, because like oh you left us, you think you're better. I'm I don't think I'm better, I just want better from from myself. Like it, like my goal now is to live. Before I didn't care about living, now I want to live. So, in order for me to live, I'm doing different things to live. And some people are like, I I wish the Best for everyone, some people still want to live in certain ways. That's all good. You know, that's you know, I I wish the best for you. I just I wanted something different for myself.
SPEAKER_01Now, let me ask you a question. What came first? Um, you get involved in gangs or the addiction, and how old were you? And let me make it a three-part question. Okay, what came first? What is the addiction or the gangs? When you got involved in gangs, how old were you, and then why did you gravitate towards it?
SPEAKER_03So I took my first swig of Kalua, which was under the sink with my uh parents' uh gallery of bottles, and I was like, man, this tastes nasty, but it makes me feel pretty good. So after that, I remember I would I would tell uh my me and my little sister would give my neighbor, still remember his name, Elwyn, he's like, hey, buy us a 22-ounce of old English and 12 and 10 drinking old English water, you know, and and I didn't like the taste, but I like what it did after. That mellow relaxation, like, oh, that feels good. Um, and one of the main things that I was addicted to to cope with things was food, and that still is a big thing for me. So I it's always up and down. Um, so food was my main thing, and then I just substituted that with like cigarettes, then alcohol, then drug weed. The weed was not for me because I didn't want to be all doped out like old sleepy. I wanted to be high, I wanted to see snakes on the wall. Like, you know, BCP acid, like all that stuff, you know, smoking cracks straight out the glass, you know, that's the stuff that I wanted, you know? And that's I I like enjoyed it so much. But in that addiction, you know, I I still didn't feel like I was uh of uh of importance. So hanging out with like friends that I knew from like elementary and junior high, like I saw how they bonded together, and I remember that they supported me one time when I got beat up. And they were like, let us know who did it, we'll take care of it. And from that day on, I was like, they accept me the way I am. Poor, chubby, ugly, like no friends. They're willing to do that for me. I'm gonna do the same for them. And that for me felt like love. You saw me for who I was, and that for me created a commitment to them and to the whole thing that we were working for, you know. Um in and that's that's how it started, you know. And you know, you sprinkle that with my anger that I had, like, I was committed to doing whatever because I didn't care. And the more that I did things, the more praise that I got, and I loved it. I loved it because, you know, come around little get-togethers and oh, like, oh, I heard about you, and all the pearls, and everything else. I felt I felt like a famous person, and I loved that attention. And I just thrived on that.
SPEAKER_01How long did you um dabble with the uh gangs? And this was in South Central? Yeah.
SPEAKER_03I'll say a good 10 years. 10 years. You know, um, that, you know, and and towards the end, one of the main things it I knew I wanted different, but I didn't know what how or what to do, you know. And I remember that I started working at the mall West Side. It's called the West Side Pavilion on Overland and Pico.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_03And um, it's like Westwood area, totally different experience. I went there, I got a job, I felt out of place. Like there was other people from other cultures. I was like, what the hell? Like, what's going on? So I started experiencing different things outside of my community. And when a a longtime childhood friend passed away, I mean, there have been others that passed away, but I knew that I wanted something different. And when the homies pulled up and said, Hey, we're gonna go take care of business right now for the homie, right? And I said, I'm good. I'm like, I'm good. I was like going through it, like I was prying everything, like, and it's like I'm good. And it's like, all right, and they took off, and that I said, Why did I do that? And I knew I wanted something different, but I was scared to say, like, hey, I want to change my life. Like, I want to focus on my kids now, because I already had two kids at that time. And I, you know, I was like, what do I do? Do I let you know I feel like I'm gonna let them down, I'm gonna let my kids down, and that was the battle. And so towards the end, when I when I was transitioning, it was hard because I felt that if I didn't have that identity as being the homie, like then who am I? I felt like a nobody. Like, like, I don't want to be a nobody, I want to be somebody. I struggled with that a long time. It was like emotional too.
SPEAKER_01Wow. You know, you said you have kids. How many kids do you have four? Four. How old are they?
SPEAKER_0327, 25, 20, and my youngest baby who bosses me around. She is six. I started all over again. And I I like all my kids changed my life in a different way. My my smallest, she has gotten the best of me because you know, I'm a different person. When I was younger, I was a different mindset. Um, and she has gotten the best of me, and and my life is that her and and work. And and sometimes my health. You know, I'm working, I'm trying to include it more to be, you know, divided up and in if equal shares, but that that's my life. You know, I have her like five, six days a week. So that's I that's my life right there. And and you know, I do a lot of things, and I'm even sometimes I feel guilty doing things with her that I didn't do with my other kids, right? But I said I was, I was, it was a different time. I was still drinking and getting high, even though I wasn't hanging out, I was still doing all that stuff. Putting eight balls in my daughter's diaper, my first daughter, like like crazy stuff, you know, it's just things that I was not thinking at that time. Now I consider everything. I was like, I get pissed, I do all that, I deal with it in a different way.
SPEAKER_01You know, I I can relate because well, from perspective of who's getting a different version, because I have a three-year-old granddaughter and a two-month-old grandson. And my three-year-old granddaughter is like my best friend right now. And I go over and I play with her and we act silly and we will play for hours. And I I literally, I kid you not, I sent out a text this morning to to the family and said, like, you know, I'm here for you guys. Like, just know, just because I go and I take up, you know, my granddaughter's time, it doesn't mean that I'm not here for you guys, but I just don't know how to connect with you guys, you know, and she wants my attention, she wants to play, and she wants to sing and she wants to dance. And I literally was emotional this morning on my walk and just like, you know, just know all you have to do is ask because when I try to give my perspective on how's the job search going or or how's your relationship going so forth, they cut my head out, you know. But then they're my little three-year-old daughter, three and a half-year-old granddaughter, is just they're ready to play and ready to play K-pop and demon hunters and you know, play little people and fight, and you know, so I just I felt guilt. Guilt because it's like she is getting the better version, she's getting the new and improved version. They the even though I'm not her father, she's getting the fatherhood slash grandfather that my kids didn't get. Yeah, and they see that. And they get pissed off about it every day.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, my oldest, she's like, you never got us this, you never got us that. I'm like, I'm like, dude, I got you guys this, this, that, and and and I apologize to my kids and I ask them, is there anything that I ever did to make you feel less than or feel disrespected? Please tell me. Please tell me. And I apologize many times to them, you know, in in it's something that I can't take back. I can't go back in time, but moving forward, I can be a better father uh uh to them and with them and connect with them in different ways, you know. Um, and you know I I'm not gonna say make up for the past, but build something fresh, you know, um, because whatever was done already, how what I was like more I wanted that, like I was a militant father. Do this, you know, like I was like, you know, they were they were scared. I'm like, we made scared, like, oh yeah, you know, and they scared like I forgot the house key, you know, like you know, this was wild, right? Because it was more stress for me, but uh I didn't I I was going through other things. That was my transition where I didn't know what to do. Like walking away from fights, I felt like a weenie, you know, because I was used to other things. And how could I let this person get away with this? Or road rage, you know, just like oh man, it was a lot, it was a lot. And in yeah I again emotional journey because there was so much that I released that I kept in for all those years of drinking and drugs because it was suppressed. And when I was sober, I'm like, damn, this is heavy. Like emotions, my childhood, my trauma, my abuse, my bullies, my, you know, I was like, holy shit, this is a plate load of like, this is a lot. I'm like, like, how do people do this? You know, and and there were times like I think not too long ago, I was like, I need a like a like a shouple of shots or something. Like, I'm going through too much, right? But I'm like, it's not gonna do nothing. And I never thought I would be in a place where I wouldn't crave alcohol. Like beer was my thing. I wasn't like into tequila or nothing, but beer. I was a I was like a Mexican Theo.
SPEAKER_01I was bug likes all the time.
SPEAKER_03But yeah, it's it's a different version of me who I am with my with my smallest, and you know, like so, you know, just I'm I'm I'm there and I'm trying to connect and um yeah, she bosses me around. I love it.
SPEAKER_01You know, I could definitely relate because um my ways trying to I'm just gonna say it. I I'm trying to make up for all the times I wasn't there. So I try to, okay, let's go on family vacation, let's have game night on Sundays. Let's um, you know, in our our tradition of the household when they were growing up was oldies Sunday. So Sundays, the oldies would come on and and they would blast all day and we'd be out by the pool and stuff, and that was where you connect. So I'm trying to bring that back and like, okay, um, you know, uh, we're gonna go with the angel game tomorrow. I'm like, okay, let's do this. But the problem is when you have adult kids, they don't always get along with each other, and so then there's a chaos that goes on with it, and then you say something, it goes the wrong way, and so navigating as the kids get older, which I'm sure you you can attest to because you have two of your kids are over 18. Three of them, okay. Man, sometimes they just don't like each other and different personalities and different perspectives, and you know, some are going left, some are going right, some like it's just chaos. So trying to even get together and just have a simple game night. Oh my gosh, sometimes I just don't want to even even do anything. Like, it's like, okay, let's just give different times when people show up because I can't have everybody's delivery time slots, you know.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah. And and it, you know, that reminds me of stuff like the way that I wanted to change how I was a father, um, because my parents were got split up, they divorced, and I remember like I did the whole tradition. I don't practice like any religion, but I grew up like uh with a Catholic tradition. Um, and my daughter's mom, she was like, hey, let's baptize her, you know, my my my eldest. And I was like, I don't know, and and like, you know, and then the in-laws in there, like, yeah, that's such a you know, we gotta do it. And I remember my dad was in the front of the church with us, and then my mom, all the way by the front by the doorway, by the entrance, like, you know, I was like, why do I or my kids have to pay for this because you guys didn't figure out your crap? You know, and and for me, um I apologize, you know, because I'm no longer with my my kids' mom. Um and uh I apologized to her. I said, it was not you, you didn't do anything wrong. You was me. I was a jerk, and you didn't deserve that, you know, and and and I I I apologized to the mom, the grandma, you know, um and I apologized to her. And I remember I did it in front of my kids right as they're old, and it it it felt it felt s I felt such joy that I was able to be allowed back into that that home with my kids, their mom, grandma, the tia, like the little cousins, and I was I it it just felt so good to finally just like like I messed up. You know, like I'm sorry, you know, and and you know, it it felt good to to do that, you know, because I wanted a model for my kids that like you know sometimes you make mistakes and be accountable.
SPEAKER_01You know, we talked a little bit earlier that um you know you daffled in the gang like for about ten years. How long did the addiction last? And and I and I'm gonna put it in two parts because um the first part was the drugs, but then the second part was the alcohol. And I'll start by saying, you know, I I was able to purge alcohol six years ago in my first uh plant medicine ceremony with ayahuasca. And thank goodness for that, because when I would start drinking, you know, I was more like a a a weekend, you know, consumer of alcohol and like okay, or I close the deal, let's get the party started. Well, once I started, it didn't stop. And then I went into fight mode and it was chaotic. And I literally just did a post this morning um that I think I'm gonna release this afternoon. But basically I framed it as if you can drunk in front of your kids, you're a piece of shit. And I was a piece of shit because I did that, because if you allow yourself to lose control and your kids see this, what kind of message are you sending your kids? And that was my so my addiction was was power, alcohol, and money. And it's like that's what I thrived on, you know, and and it and it just foiled everything around me in the process, you know, and I'm glad I was able to, you know, to finally free myself of the alcohol because I have enough shit to work on, you know. That was just one other layer. But for you, um, how long was was the the addiction? Because drugs is a whole different, you know, animal in the thing.
SPEAKER_03I mean I struggled with it for like from like 16 through up until recent, you know, it's probably my addiction probably ended like three years ago. I don't have an exact date because I didn't keep track of it, but it happened like three years ago. But yeah, I was I was in it. I drank in front of my kids. We'll go to the store and and my son would go over there and already know what beer was mine. You know, he'll grab, he'll try to lift up the 30 pack or something, and I was like, damn, it's embarrassing. You know, and I would have him, and I still make laugh at this, like, oh, he's my little waiter, and I would go like this, and he would know what that meant. Get me another beer from the fridge. And, you know, and and even one time I went to use the bathroom, we were drinking, because I used to put music for my kids, and we used to like dance and do videos and stuff. And um, I remember I went to the bathroom, my son, he was like two or three, and he was like drinking my beer, my tall can. And I was like, and I was like, the hell? And I caught him and I said, What are you doing? And he was just dancing and having fun. You know, I didn't do anything, like I didn't scold him or do anything, but I was like, all right, I need to hide this because, you know, maybe it's interesting to him, you know. But yeah, there were times where I would just pass out and I would wake up, where's my kids? And they would be on the living room all laid out, and I was like, or I wouldn't remember stuff. I would drive drunk with them, like things that I was just didn't think about at that time because I wanted to be buzzing it. I wanted to drink. And so they saw a lot of that. They saw a lot of that, and uh it I can imagine it was scary for them because a lot of times I wasn't a nice person, I was very rough, and yeah.
SPEAKER_01Let's marinate on this for a second. Does that sound familiar? What are your taglines you use in your videos? Yeah. Um, I I love that. I I one I want to ask, you know, where that came from, but we energy. I just stumbled on that this morning and you talked about we energy. So first um tell me why you use that tagline. Let's marinate on this for a second, because I thought it was clever, and it was just uh a good hook, and then you go into a topic, and then let's go into we energy because I loved it when I heard this.
SPEAKER_03I was like, oh man, this is definitely something I would yeah, it it's uh the let's marinate. Um I I I think you know, because I used to like in in high school, I I loved doing haiku poems and and writing and journaling, which I still do today. Um, so I like expressing myself and I always use a thesaurus. So I would look at the words and I would write, or I would what I did with the L-O-Cool-J song, I would rewrite songs to fit my lifestyle, right? I would write a lot of stuff. So um when I thought about writing something, I remember I used that expression, that term, marinate. I like to marinate in in in in the in the essence of drugs and alcohol and marinate this. To me, it's like it's you're soaking in it, like you're deep in it. So I just said marinate on this for a second because I want you to think about this for a second. Like let this sink in. That was how I got the tagline. And the small wee wee energy video that I did was I wanted to bring a a topic or a debate to the table. And I say debate because I don't want to say I'm arguing you're right, I'm wrong. Debate because I want other men to bring their experience and let's talk about it. Not argue, not attack each other if you're open to it. Small wee we energy would, you know, I said, you know, uh uh being the crap out of your wife, being the crap out of kids, molesting them, abusing them, uh taking uh uh advantage of elders, you know, or belittling uh other men or women, like, you know, and and I mentioned to you that I had missed some recent um post where a lot of men came for me where they attacked me and you know they're like, oh, you know, my must be your time of the month. Are you bleedy? Like, you know, um go put on your dress, just a lot of things, a lot of DMs that just went like they called me everything, right? And I made another video, I didn't mention anybody, but I said, Look, like if you're insecure about your manhood, that you have to assert your dominance over me, what does that say about how secure you are about yourself? And you know, small wee wee energy, because I see a lot of women do that, they're like, Oh, you know, like small wee wee energy, meaning like like like you're you're you're you're misogynistic, right? So I use that and said, you know, this is a good accountable piece for us mint. And when I talk about it, I include myself in it because I'm not perfect, right? But I I want to bring these type of topics to the table, but a lot of men, I'm not gonna say they're scared, maybe they're not ready yet. And I say yet because maybe they're not there yet, because I know I wasn't there yet a long time ago. And that's the reason why I made the the video about that, just to address abuse, violence, dominance, power control, which is a form of domestic violence.
SPEAKER_01No, I thought it was a great angle to have the discussion. And then another video I stumbled on the uh a pond that really caught my attention was when your inner voice haunts you and the different thoughts that with man, that was hilarious.
SPEAKER_03And uh it was it it it did because it's like I'm like, you know, I'm so the skit is I'm at work and it's Telling me go buy an eight ball, get high, you know, because in the reality of life, parenting, life, health, money, relationships, work, it's stressful, right? It's a lot to deal with. So the escape for the moment, the temporary band-aid is have a couple of drinks, smoke some, you know, you're you're good. So in my mind, like I would think, like, man, I could just smoke something real quick and everything will go away for the moment. I'll be good. You know, so just the ideas of like behaving in a certain way, like go sleep with this woman, go sleep with the receptionist, uh, go slap up the coworker. You know, those were the inner thoughts that I really went through. And I used that, those experiences, which I do all the time. I use always use my experiences to to bring it to my conversation. So I said, let me turn this into some a comedic thing. People responded to it. They're like, Man, this is like I go through this, like, oh my god, you read my mind. So it was like cool, like it it made sense to people.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, no, it was it was beautifully executed. You know, you um you've talked about um growing up and um being a father, and then a little bit of how you showed up um for your kids and so forth. You know, you're struggling with addiction and uh for your oldest kids, again life at the time, but if you could go back and there's one thing you could do differently of how you showed up for your kids, you know, we're we're talking about fatherhood now. What's one thing you would have done differently when you were raising your kids?
SPEAKER_03One thing that I would have done different. I mean, I think the alcohol didn't help. I wish I wouldn't have drank um when uh I was being a parent. But honestly, I would say my approach, because it's very aggressive. Very aggressive, I was more militant, like like I felt like I was a sergeant handing out instructions like you better do this, because I said, and that's typical Mexican shit right there, right? Like, and I wish I didn't do that, you know, because I felt like I I probably did bully them, you know. I probably did bully them, and that wasn't fair to them because they didn't deserve that. They don't deserve that, you know. And so if I could have done something different, it would have been that.
SPEAKER_01You know, I can relate to that, and I remember doing a post a while back talking about our child's first bully is usually their father.
SPEAKER_03Ooh, this. Yeah. I can relate to that.
SPEAKER_01You know, you uh talk a lot about um or you shared about um redoing your bloodline, restructuring, you know, how on how you grew up and how you want that, your legacy to um shift for for your kids. What does that look like for you?
SPEAKER_03You know, my legacy uh that I want when I'm no longer here in the physical form is I want to be remembered as someone that went through a lot, but shifted that in and contributed back. Like I I always say, like, at one point in time, I destroyed my community. Now I want to come back and rebuild it. And you know, and and I've been working in community-based work for the last 23 years, and that's what I do because if I can if I can support another father who's going through similar things that I have been through, and in to provide a conversation, some tools, some skills that he can take home with his kids, and he teaches a teaches his kids that that's the new chain that we're creating, a new tradition, you know, that we are creating. So for me, when someone says, Oh man, like my I work with a lot of families that refer by DCFS, you know, they where the social workers come in a picture and you know they're stressed out, they're frustrated. When they close their case or they say, Hey man, I've been doing different things, or I I I I deal with my kids in a different way. Like, I don't do this anymore, like that just feels so wonderful to hear. And they say, Thank you, thank you. I was like, Don't thank me, you did the work. Like, no, but you are like, I just opened a space for you. You shared with me, we figured out together, you're doing the work. Like, don't give yourself some credit, you know. So my legacy is is to leave a stamp in the world that I contributed to world peace, honestly. And even if it's in my own community, that's my legacy.
SPEAKER_01And what um drew you into community work, into working in mental health and so forth, how how did that look like? Especially when you were going through your old demons and going through the trials and tribulations of trying to figure out who you were and how to be a father and how to be a a man, not you know, letting the streets dictate, you know.
SPEAKER_03Um, for me, because I knew what to my to my the way I worded it was suffering, you know, in life. I was like, I know how that feels. Like, I don't want anyone to go through that. Not even my worst enemy or anything, you know, it's like this sucks. You know, so when I got in the field, I was like, mental health. I'm like, okay, like what is this? I like, oh man, this is a like a deep thing, like connecting to your emotions, to your feelings, to your thoughts, experiences, and understanding them, embracing them. So that's why I use the word embrace a lot, because I'm like, bring it on, bring everything, because I like a challenge, and building something from that and using my own experiences, because I do that a lot. I use my own lived experience to relate. I use humor as an icebreaker, and and we talk, we talk shit. I said, let's talk shit. Like, what does that mean? There, I'm like, I'm not here with a clipboard, nothing. Tell me what's up, what's what's going on? Like, you know, somebody could tell me they're they have a donkey and they go to work and it flies everywhere. I'm gonna say, cool, how does that feel? I'm not gonna judge you, you know. And in in the world where filters and image and identity is so like big, social media and everything, like, forget all that. Let's pull out all those filters, let's peel back that onion. Who are you really? And how much do you want to go? Like, and also I don't tell them you need to do this, because that's what works. Doesn't work like that. Modify everything to each relationship, you know, and I'm open. I'm open about anything and everything, you know. If someone wants to have a conversation, like I'm open. I've heard all kinds of things, you know. And they're like, oh man, you like I I thought you were gonna get mad. I'm like, why? I'm like, like, and that tells me that maybe that person is used to that type of response or relationship. So mental health is big for me because I one I went through it, I understand it, and I want to be able to provide that and break cycles in my own culture because it's a big thing. Like, we don't talk about the secrets, we don't talk about the uncle at the uh that at the wedding that touched everyone. Like, no, don't say it because you're gonna cause problems. Like he beat up the you know, his wife and he's cheating on her, and he has another kid over there. Everyone knows how come no one talks about it, then when you talk about it, you're labeled as the the troublemaker. It's like, why do we do that? I'm like, I don't believe in that tell death to us part thing. Like, no, if I don't get along with you and things are bad, bye. Like, I'd rather co-parent with you and be respectful and civil versus have my kids drag through that. Because my parents did that to me. And I was like, no, I paid the price for that. It's like, no way. So changing the trajectory of that, you know, in in like like a tree, like like a family tree, but creating a new branch in in in still including the pieces of the old branches in the tree, because that makes the whole family legacy there, but creating a new branch that we haven't seen.
SPEAKER_01Wow. You know, when you talked about um, you know, the field of mentor help that you're in. And it brings up something that happened a year ago, you know. So I started this about three years ago, wanting to tithe back and get back and bring, you know, men and women on to share the stories, what worked, what didn't work. About a year ago, I was at an event and somebody came up to me and said, How long have you been in the mental health space? Oh, no, no, no, no. I'm not in mental health, but I'm a coach, I'm a coach. Says, no, you're in mental health. And so I kind of backed away, but then it stuck with me. And then I was meditating, I started thinking about it, and I started researching, and I'm like, holy shit, I am in the mental health space. But my ego and pride was still like a whole mental health, like, no, no, no, that's you know, see, see la stuff, you know, still struggling with that. And but coming to the realization that, yeah, this work we're doing about, you know, helping men to become better men and how to show up and how to heal. And and you know what? I have to be careful because, you know, working with a lot of men, you know, Machistas and so forth, you can't use the word heal. I've learned that just in the last couple of months. You have to use the word rebuild because as men, we're we're trained to fix things, we're fixers and want to build. So when I say heal, it it it it turns them off. But when I say, okay, we're gonna rebuild your relationship with your kids, we're gonna rebuild your family, then that one word changes the dynamic.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And, you know, and and then just now starting to understand, like, okay, I guess I am in the mental health space. When I had to acknowledge and accept it, because it was a big uh tug in my ego, you know, if I can be honest with you. But they realized like, you know what, there's nothing wrong with it. But it was just my old programming left me with, oh no, mental health is weakness. Mental health means uh I'm not capable. But it's no, we all struggle with mental health, no matter what word you put in front of it. Trauma, unworthiness, shame. That's all forms of mental health. But we just call it, oh, that broken inner child, oh that you, whatever name you put on it, at the end of the day, it's all mental health. And I'm I'm so happy that the awareness is now it's being talked about more and more on social media, on on on you know, the news, in in shows and so forth. So it's bringing attention to mental health in a way that you no longer have to be ashamed of it. And that's just a journey I've just had to go on the last year to acknowledge that okay, mental health is not a bad thing. Mental health is not a weakness. Mental health is just an outlet to identify and to now start to rebuild off of.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I'm I'm I'm thinking about like for me, it's yeah, rebuilding empowerment. You know, it it doesn't mean you're less than a man if you want to connect to your emotions. I saw uh an interview, I don't know where it was on YouTube, but I don't know what platform. There was someone in there who had been to prison like 20-something years, and he said, like a lot of us cry in there, but no one talks about it. Because how could you be? And he said, I went in at like 18 or 19, and he did like 20-something years, and he came out. Technology's new, he didn't know his like his his uh uh his family members grew up, his siblings, everyone, you know, everything changed for you know the time he was away uh in prison, and um he's like I cried, he's like, I don't, I don't care, you know, but I couldn't do it like on the yard or or when we're eating and all that because what what are they gonna think about me, right? And that's the idea that we have when we grow up with it in the culture and as men to say, like, you know, you gotta tough it out. Because I remember when I would, I I think one time I busted my lip or my elbow, and they just told me to get up and tough it out, stop crying. I remember my sister fell and had like a paper cut, and oh my god, it was the end of the world. So, what that taught me is that boys gotta be strong and tough it out, and that girls and women were fragile and we have to save them to protect them. They did the wrong thing because I I grew up with that, right? And I and that's why we suppress our emotions. We gotta be resilient. Yeah, resilient, but what if you're going through shit? Like, that's fine, but I haven't addressed all these other things. Like, it's gonna come out sooner or later. And and I had to uh uh retrain my mind, my ways, my behaviors, my attitude about a lot of things, because I'm like, yeah, that's not fair. That doesn't sound right, like that sounds like messed up, you know. And it was, you know, in the on the whole framework around women respecting them and and you know, ways to like uh you can still talk about things without sounding like a macho, like dominant dude, you know, because that's very common in relationships at work, like, oh, you you can't get paid more than a man, like type of things, right? Just in a lot of different ways. And I always throw that at men. They're like, oh, you know, forget her, and they call her all kinds of names. They have daughters, like, what if someone called your daughter that? Oh no, I mean to kill the whole blood, you know, like I don't know, it sounds contradictory, dude. Like, nah, but my daughter's my daughter. I was like, I dude, she's gonna grow up, somebody's gonna call her that, probably. Hopefully not, but what are you gonna do when that happens? Like, like, come on, like, I wouldn't wish that on you, but it's like it only matters when it affects you. Like, you know, and I said, just think about that, you know, marinate on that, you know, like and I can't force anyone to do anything, you know. They're gonna do what they're gonna do. And I said, you know, just something to think about. And if you want to discuss it more or less, do it. If not, I said fine. I just leave it at that. I don't want, you know, I'm not the scolding father waving the finger, like, and I tell them that, like, you're not gonna get that from me. Like, you're gonna do what you we could talk here for two hours, and yeah, I can tell you stop doing drugs. And you could walk outside and do drugs. That's the reality, right? For me, and I was like, and they're like, What? You're not gonna tell me to stop? No, do what you want. Like, it's and you know, and a lot of a lot of parents come to me, my son is doing drugs, tell him to stop. Oh, he's hanging out with gangs, tell him and I look, I'm gonna go talk to him, I'm gonna see where he's at, but he's probably not gonna stop doing those things. If it comes up, we'll talk about it. And and it does come up naturally, organically, but I don't pressure anyone to do something that they're not ready to do. I meet them where they're at. Like, I'm good, I'm gonna smoke weed, my mom doesn't know. She won't know. I do it at school, I have a vape, she thinks it's a pen, like smells like strawberries. She won't know. And I'm like, okay, like that works. Yeah, it works, it helps me, you know. Like, all right. It just the opposite of what the traditional ways is like, you better stop or else I'm gonna kick you out of the house, type of thing, right? And it's a fear-based approach because I had one mom remove the door from her like 16-year-old's room so she could see what he was doing at all times. I'm like, damn, that feels like very invasive, intrusive. Like he has no privacy at all. Like, what do you think he's gonna do in the room? Oh, he could do drugs. I could do them at school. You can do them in the shower, like you know, so it's but it's a fear-based approach where you don't want your child to be involved in that. So the best thing to do is to try to control them. And I have seen that that doesn't work.
SPEAKER_01One nervous, you know, as we start to wind down from this episode, which has been a powerful one. Tell me about um why did you start uh vote on social media and just sharing your story? Why did you start offering words of wisdom? Why did you start um just challenging the status full? What inspired you to do that?
SPEAKER_03Well, this is my third account. Uh years ago I had one and I would do like, you know, this is what I'm eating, this is where I'm at, you know, just little quotes, little funny things, memes. I deleted that, and then I was off for a little bit. I created another one, and it was something of the similar. It was a blend between like being a tough guy and then still like my food picks and like I'm over here, I'm over there, you know. And I was like, I feel like there's no purpose with this. Like, what's the point? And I sit saw a lot of other platforms. I'm like, my God, they have like 30,000 followings and they're posting to me, and then my sound judgmental nonsense on there. I was like, why don't they do something with it? Why don't they sell something? Why don't they talk about something important? Like, not just like I stole this from the store or something for easy, you know. So I deleted that. I I I I I was off the grid on social media for like three years. I came back, and even when I came back uh like four or five years ago, I uh have scrubbed my my account several times because I felt like I was rebuilding. And I always had an idea of wanting to voice or express things that no one really talks about. Because I when I post a throwback picture of me all that tough guy back in the days, he gets all kinds of love comments. When I talk about mental health, three likes. And I came back, I said, you know what, I'm gonna talk about my lived experience and things that are important to me, things that I feel we don't address. And they're gonna see that this is who I was, but this is where I'm at now, and what I'm talking about. And I said, I'm gonna, I'm gonna go with this. This is what feels good. I'm using my voice, I'm using my platform, I'm talking about my opinion, my experience. So I'm gonna do that. And and there's a lot of there's a lot of men that don't that they like it, they don't comment on it, but they send me a DM, and that's fine. And I, you know, and there's still something behind that, behind you saying, hey, like I understand that, so I've done this, but you know, to me it's like they don't want to voice it out there, and that's fine. You know, I I you know I appreciate when they connect and you know, and they and they want to talk about these things because the topics of like violence, um abuse, uh like sobriety, recovery, just whatever lifestyle you're living, if it's not doing any benefit, if it's not beneficial to you, like what do you want to do? Do you want to do some a lot of times a lot of men don't know where to start or who to turn to. So I'm like, hey, I'm here. I live kind of like you, so like what's up, you know, like I'm here, like if you want to tell. And I just leave it at that. I like the ball's in your court.
SPEAKER_01You know, I can definitely relate because uh 60% of my audience, actually 64% is women, and then the difference 36% is is men, and it was built for men. And at first I was frustrated, you know, I was frustrated, and like you know, but I want to reach out to these narcissist men, these toxic men, these my G stuff. And I started thinking about, man, when I was in that in that mental space, I don't want to hear from fucking anybody, like you know. But then a realization happened in the last two years. The reason that the audience is is is bigger with women is because not because I'm like how good looking and oh, you know, we probably've done five hooks. It's because they're dealing with piece of shit men, they're dealing with narcissists and my cheese stuff and and dads that aren't showing up because I get the DMs, I get the comments, and then I I realize like, wow, I'm actually getting through the men, through the women, because they're sharing the videos, they're they're having the conversation. So even if they don't do it publicly, I'll get the DMs behind the scenes. You know, I had to talk with, you know, my spouse or with my baby daddy. And so it's happening, but it's happening not the way that I thought it was. So the the rebuilding, the healing, the rebuilding is happening, but through the back door, and then just to to also I'll I'll post something, you know, something about no contact with. Their adult kids have no contact. And these men, you know, you you know, because I you know, when they they respond back, I'll go and look at their profile because I'm gonna see like who I'm you know I'm engaging with. Oh, a low rider and from the body and so forth. So they'll in that moment they'll they'll they'll be um emotional and sure, like, oh man, that really hit, you know. Uh my kids don't talk to me, and and it devastated me. I'll be like, oh, okay, you know, so I'll jump on and like, okay, hey, do you want to jump on a call? Do you, you know, I I can, you know, give you some perspective. Oh, I'm asked about that, you know. I I I'm a man and I don't need that shit, you know. So it it's a pushback. Like in the moment, sometimes they'll slip, you know, and and they'll slip up and they'll show their vulnerability. And and I know it's it's that little boy inside that that is hurting, but it's something that got them in that moment and they'll just fire off the the message. But then when you go to, hey, well, I've been there, like maybe I can help you with that. Why don't you join uh the men's group I have every week where you could just share a safe place? Oh no, no, I don't need that shit, you know? So it it's it's kind of frustrating because you catch them in the moment, but then when you want to now help lead them to either sources or or books or other people also that can can relate because I've been there, done that. Then all of a sudden the the guard comes up like sorry I showed that vulnerability, but nope, I don't need no how I'm good. And that's frustrating, you know.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's it's and also, you know, it's scary. It's scary to face all these things because you might feel less than a man, you know, or because maybe, you know, like I was talking about high group, you know, a lot of us were taught that you have to be tough. You have to you can't show any weakness. And that also comes like from the environment, like a born like, you know, growing up in in the streets or it really doesn't even need to be like with gangs, just in general, just boys being tough, right? And and fighting and and having to, you know, uh uh represent yourself in that way. So and it stays with us. And yeah, I I think it's a it's it's a scary thing. Um, and I was thinking about something you said about the little boy. I had a dream a long time, and it was so impactful to me where I I was I was it was me walking through a tunnel and I heard a baby, and I was it was like a tunnel, like one of those under, I don't know if you is it I think it's a MacArthur Park. They have that underground, it's not underground, but it's like under the park, yeah, like and it's a long like little tunnel. And I was walking closer to that baby, to that baby, and when I got close to the baby as it was crying, it was me as a baby. Wow. And I remember I picked up that baby and I hugged, I hugged myself pretty much, and I woke up and I was like, that's so powerful because I I know that if when I was 19, which was my prime of being out there, you know, I picture this like I'm on PCP, uh, I drank a few beers, I have a uh pistol in my waistline, I'm suicidal, I don't care. But if my parents would have came in that moment and gave me a hug right there, I would have probably stopped everything because that's what I needed at that time. But I was seeking for validation or attention in other ways that made me feel important. Like getting the praise from like, oh my daddy, you you're down, you know. And um so the more that was addiction too, the Binance. The more that I did, the more praise that I got. The praise that I didn't get from my parents. You know, um if people want to find you, where do they find you? Online. Um I I have a lot of social media platforms at at Mike ManzoOfficial, so Instagram, TikTok. I just launched the YouTube, it's not fully there. I posted a couple of videos. I still gotta go back to that and work on that a little bit more, but yeah, at Mike ManzoOfficial.
SPEAKER_01Perfect. So we'll make sure we put that in the um podcast uh platform. You know, I want to end with two questions for you because I think these are gonna be very impactful. One is because we have school starting up, and you mentioned bullying. And in eighth grade, I started to get bullied, and that's what started my life into gangs. It wasn't a choice, it was because I didn't want to be that scared little boy anymore. And so I chose to instead do something I want nothing to do with, want nothing to participate in, because I never wanted to feel that fear anymore. So I wanted to be a part of a community, a group that was feared, and then the girls come into play, and oh, they love the bad boys, so you know, your girls just kind of mess it up also because you get us sucked in, you know, with it. What would you tell parents right now as their kids are starting school and there's bullying that happened last year and they're coming into the year? Because, you know, me as a as a parent and having gone through bullying and what I experienced and what my life looked like during that time, I know it's frustrating going and trying to do the right thing and go to the schools, schools don't respond, and you try to go to the parents, and then you know, it's you know, so I've just come to a conclusion now where with my grandkids and even with my kids toward the latter years of of school, it's like you you try to mediate, you don't look for a fight. I'll go to the school and I'll advocate for you. But if if they're not doing anything about it, you punch them in the fucking nose. Like I, you know, and yes, me as a former credential teacher, I'll say that if the school's not gonna be responsive, if the administration's not gonna be involved, you punch them in the face and you fight back. Um, and I don't condone violence, but also I don't want to see um, well, at least my kids and grandkids that are gonna be going through the school system in the next couple of years, I don't want them to go through what not only what I've experienced, but I've been exposed to so many men and women that have been bullied and how it altered their life into addictions, into not only addictions with drug and alcohol, but sex, addictions into gangs and and and all kinds of other stuff. What would you be your advice to, you know, to parents that are struggling with bullying?
SPEAKER_03I would say, I would say, you know, I would suggest, you know, have a conversation with the kids, you know, like um teach them uh uh awareness, you know, especially when wherever you're at, and and just relationship building. And while you can't control what others do or how they approach you, um, yes, advocating with the school, checking in with the school, hey, what's up? This happened, like what's going on? Like, you know, I want my child to be safe. Um, I don't condone violence either. I I I I have told and I did teach my kids how to fight, how to defend themselves. So, to my knowledge, they haven't never had a fight, they've never had to go to that level. Um, but I would say uh in a lot of parents, I'd be like, oh, let's change them school. There could be bullies at the other school, you know, trying to find good solutions. Um, and and then what that causes is the the kid at school says, Oh, you're a snitch, right? Because he told your your mommy and they came over here and told my mom, and now I'm in trouble because of you, then the word goes around on the playground and whatever. I would say try to stay away, like you said, mediator, just try to stay away from that if you can, you know. And if someone tries to hurt you, just try to defend yourself or walk away, you know. Um, that's a that's a very tricky uh situation because we're not gonna be with our kids in school every day, right? Or any day at all, unless we're dropping them off the first day we're there half an hour or whatever, and by, you know, and they're adjusting. But other than that, they're on their own pretty much through the school day. That I would say that would be the best thing that I could say about that.
SPEAKER_01You know, I was always a against changing school for my kids. Because like I said, oh, well, there's gonna be bullies at other schools. You gotta toughen up, you gotta, you gotta just suck it up. Like that's just part of growing up. But over the last couple of years, I've had a change of mindset on that. Sometimes we so in my thought process now is sometimes your child could be so traumatized emotionally, psychologically, and physically that a new environment could be good for them. Because with the power of social media, the world that we grew up in doesn't exist anymore. And everything spreads a bullying, a fight, an argument, uh uh, uh disrespect, it's not just tied to that classroom anymore. If Lily can just go live on a video and it's destroyed them. And you know, if you're a young kid, it's like the end of the world. So I find to backtrack and go, you know what? Sometimes getting them into a new environment, a new school district, going the same with the DR and her uncle, and just starting off fresh, yeah, sometimes that's okay to do because I was totally against that for the longest time. But that was my ego and pride and suck it up, and this is just part of life. But kids are so technology and and the access to information so fast now that um to uh to a young child struggling with bully, they could take their life. Yeah, you know, and it happens more than happens.
SPEAKER_03It it does happen. I I I'm thinking about a little girl, and she might have been 10 or 11. I don't know if it was Texas or somewhere in Midwest, somewhere. Um she took her life because of bullying, a little uh Latina girl hand um uh they did say, hey, we addressed it with the school. They did nothing, it kept on going. So that's how impactful the bullying is psychologically, mentally, like you're walking on eggshells, what are they gonna do, you know? And it's not that you're retreating or or not standing up against it, but it's also like if you think about the safety of your child, you right. And you know, a lot of parents will say, I'll go down there and beat up the mom. Or the dad, like, let's see, let's go, you know. So it's like, yeah, that's to me, I'm gonna say, yeah, that's easy. So when men call me out and they're like, Oh, what's up? You're you're you're you're dizzy or bitch, whatever, whatever, you know, and I'm like, I'm like, bro, like, I've already done that violence. I already fought other men, I already did a lot of things. I don't want to do that. It's so exhausting to be on guard all the time. Like, let's talk. And they don't want to talk. So I and that's how I my that's how my combat is now. Like, let's talk. And and they don't want to open that space up. So I was like, poo, you know. So I think just finding a way to protect our kids that feel safe and good and that they're well.
SPEAKER_01I could definitely relate because I'll get these um, you know, oddball calling or story, because you know, there's not crying for the camera. I'll just do walking, I'll just have an emotional moment. And you know, for many years it was like I'm in, I'm crying, you know, I had that in my cheese now, and now I cry like a baby, any little thing. You know, have demon hunters on the granddaughter, you know. But you know what I what I've I've learned to do now is because you said something that that's that reminded me. You know, been there done that. You don't have to prove ourselves to anybody. Like, don't have to go backwards and you know, say like, well, I can cry because you know, I'll go back and I'll kick your butt or something, you know. Now I I just I thank them. Thank you for helping push the algorithm. Oh, thank you for the comment, you know, because that I mean they they're looking for a reaction, they're looking for a fight. And you know a lot of them are I I don't have the energy for that. Like, hey, thank you for for the comment and the like, it's gonna push a little more. And I just leave in a little bit, but that was reconditioning and retraining my mind because you know the ego here, so they'll say, Hey, you you why you um why you out of breath, you fat fuck.
SPEAKER_03All that all that this is like somebody said why is anyone they put in the comment on mine, like, why is anyone listening to this uh high calorie 600 cholesterol something? And I laughed. I and I did, but I said, bro, that made me laugh. Like that was a good one. And I don't come back in three months because I'm losing I'm on a health tip right now, so I'm like, come back because I'm I'm I'm on a mission and come let's do comparison. It was funny though to me. I was like, hey guy, you do. I was like, whatever, you know, just I I I don't wanna go toe to toe. Like I'm not and and I even told some like bro, I'm not I don't want to do that. Like I was like, I don't wanna I have nothing to prove to anyone, you know. Like I I just to conversation, you know, and you know, understand if you don't like it, you don't like what I say, that's all fine, you can swivel or and someone said, Well, you're gonna be posting all this stuff. I wanna have to come here and say my opinion and all this, I'll like block me. Or like, I don't know. I don't know what the solution is. Like, anybody could be saying anything on any platform, you're gonna get upset, you're not gonna like it. You don't have to do anything. Like, and I just, you know, I I I leave it alone, you know. I just it some things do bother me. I'm like, wow. Oh no, but I was like, yeah. You know, and I was like, I'll probably just be doing the same thing that I used to do or doing what they're trying to do, you know. I'm like, we're just we're just gonna be here all day, dancing all day, tagging each other. There's what's a solution there? I was like, no, I'm alright. I was like, I've already done that, I've already hurt my own people. Not only hurt myself, but hurt my own people. I'm trying to change that. I want to change that. I don't want to hurt you. I was like, why you wanna hurt me? I'm not a I'm not even a threat. Because even if I see you in public, like I'm, you know, just you're there and I'm here and that's it. I'm not gonna rush you. Like, no. It's a final question.
SPEAKER_01And that is for women out there that are struggling with a father that's not showing up in their children's lives, or even for men right now that are not showing up in their men in their children's lives, maybe because they use the excuse of word for well, any time with my friends after after work and or alcohol. What message would would you give them just based on your story and what you missed out on because uh your addiction, your drinking, um, the gang li, what would you tell that father that's not be present or that mother that's struggling with the father that's not showing up for the kids?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, for for for mothers, you know, and I I have a lot of conversations that have a lot of friends, associates. I think there's tears to my connections with people, you know, some might say hi bye, you know, type of thing. I see them every once blue moon, some of them are closer, some are not. You know, it takes a lot to be a a single mother, you know, and I would say, I'm sorry, because you know, I would imagine that if you would have known that that was the how the father was gonna be, that you probably wouldn't have had kids that way, right? Like we can't change that anymore. You know, continue loving your kids, continue teaching them, you know, anything that gets you upset, angry that the father is not there, use that energy to invest for your kids. Uh uh. Kids need at least one consistent parent. Be the solid, you know, if you need to pry, if you need to let it out, figure out a way to release it. Do it in front of your kids because you're gonna teach them that it's okay to embrace their emotions, you know, and and there's a lot of parenting groups out there, there's a lot of women support groups out there. Connect with other women who understand and can, you know, that that are going through the same things, you know. Reaching out to somebody or having a community is always a good way to feel supportive. And for the fellas that are out there that may not have time or maybe they don't see their kids for whatever reason, you know, luxuries, um, phone calls, text messages, FaceTime, those are all good. But giving a hug, sitting face to face with your child and telling, I love you, I'm sorry, I messed up, taking accountability, being responsible for your actions, very, very important. Because that is so meaningful for a child, but sometimes that's all that they need, even if a lot of time has passed. And don't force them, you know, you may try every blue moon or every, you know, one month or two months, like, hey, how you doing? I'm still here. I apologize, I want to talk to you. Just something take the first step. You're not less of a man if you don't do that. This is your child, your blood. Like, you know, just take the time and realize that taking one day off of work and spending it with your child is not the end of the world.
SPEAKER_01No, thank you for that. And this is a wrap from the streets of South Central into your home. Thank you for joining us for another episode of Fatherhood Voices, where we're working to break the toxic cycle between you and your children.