[00:00:07] Welcome back to another episode of the Leashed Mind Podcast, mental Health and Dog Training. I'm your host, Mandy Boutelle on today's episode, \ it's just me today. I wanna talk about comparison and success now. How are those two connected together? So, I want to point out that success can look different for so many of us.
[00:00:29] and that's a good thing because not all of us view success the same way. So I want us to be a bit more thoughtful about how we're navigating our. Businesses and setting up our businesses to, you know, it, it bleeds into the rest of our life, whether we acknowledge it or not, it does.
[00:00:48] So how we are viewing success, what it looks like to us in individually. and I share in the episode how I view success. Uh, and it may not be the way [00:01:00] that. A lot of us view success. A lot of us are taught that success is generating a certain amount of income, which it totally can be, or having X amount of clients or being busy x amount of the time.
[00:01:14] Again, like there are just so many different perspectives on what success can look like. So I want us to kind of have that in the forefront while we're listening to this episode and then, you know, how is comparison to tied into success? So I'm sure a lot of you, the wheels are already spitting, but a lot of the times when we are trying to.
[00:01:35] Establish our perspective with success and how we want to set up our business, the easiest way to start thinking about that is comparing. So a lot of the times we will get in our own heads and while we're trying to come up with ideas for our own businesses, we'll start thinking and, and looking around at, you know, other businesses that are doing something similar to us, which is great.
[00:01:55] You should be doing that to help gauge kind of where you wanna [00:02:00] go, but don't. Go too far into it. And it's so easy to go into that rabbit hole of comparison because then that leads to imposter syndrome and eventually that will lead to burnout if we let it ruminate too long. So with the comparison factor, a lot of the times when we lean too much into comparing with others and picking apart what they're doing with their business, Seeing where we're not doing the same thing with our business. It's easy to go, well, I don't know what I'm doing. They're successful. They did it this way.
[00:02:31] That must be the way to do it. No, if that was the case, then, you know, so many entrepreneurs out there and business owners out there wouldn't be successful. there's no right or wrong way to do it. It's just figuring out how it's going to work for you. So with the comparison part of this, I want us to really think about how often we look at someone else's business, look at someone else's account and and immediately start seeing will [00:03:00] I don't do it that way.
[00:03:00] I wouldn't have done it that way. That's great. That is something to always keep in mind, but let it stop there. Don't let it take over and then get into your own head, and then the negative. Part of the comparison starts coming in and then you'll start feeling, you know, well, I didn't do it that way, therefore, or, you know, they handle this that way because, and they have these certifications.
[00:03:23] I shouldn't be charging this much because I don't have that certification. If you're, just listening not, watching, I am waving my hand away and rolling my eyes because that's so far from the truth. I'm gonna start sounding like I'm rambling. I'm not gonna do that to you guys, but I just wanted to kind of give a general feel for what I wanted to talk about in this episode.
[00:03:44] And I really. Explain that quite well in the rest of the episode, but I just want you guys to kind of be prepared so. Thinking about how we view success. What is success to us? How do we want our business to look? How do we want our business to grow and [00:04:00] how do we want our life to look? Because how our li our business looks, affects how our life looks.
[00:04:05] If we're working all the time, that's not an enjoyable life. So we need to find ways to balance and counterbalance. So thinking of that aspect of success. While we're listening to this and then thinking about the comparison factor and how much, sometimes a lot of us do this, we get into the negative part of that when if we're doing the comparison, I think we should be thinking, okay, they do it this way.
[00:04:29] Well, maybe I'll, I wanna do it this way in, in finding ways that we can really expand how we want to develop our business, how we want to grow our business. Or, or not grow. You know, you, you not all of us want to task everything out. Some of us like staying small and that's totally fine. Do what you can handle.
[00:04:47] Um, but keeping in mind how we want that to look and trying to find the good in the comparison when we are doing that. And, you know, complimenting yourself for doing things the way you wanna do [00:05:00] them. And maybe when we do the comparison finding ways where someone has. Done it in an easier manner or a low stress manner.
[00:05:07] Those are ways that it's healthy to compare. but the rest of the episode I'm talking about where it's unhealthy with the comparison and how sometimes we can get stuck in the negative aspect of that. So with those two things in mind, let's get into the episode.
[00:05:22] I really wanna touch on shifting perspective. So a, a lot of the times, and, you know, I, I am friends with, well most of my friends are dog trainers or small business owners, so, I like, I just, I witness all of these amazing people trying to grow and expand their businesses, expand their knowledge, and a lot of the times as a small business owner, as a trainer, whatever your goals are, you will hit.
[00:05:53] Obstacles when you're trying to, you know, expand and grow and learn and when that [00:06:00] happens. I, I, and, and I'm speaking from personal experience of course, from this, because I have hit it several times and had to really learn to shift how I approach things because I was just getting caught in the cycle. When we hit those roadblocks, it, it can feel so defeating and like, okay, well what's the point?
[00:06:21] Like if this is just gonna keep happening, what do I do? for example, say that you're trying to come up with a lot of like social media content. You're trying to plan out your social media content. Cuz I was just doing that and it can feel daunting, but I think for a lot of us, we zoom in and if you're watching on YouTube, I'm like zooming in on like an iPhone, but we zoom in too much.
[00:06:43] That we're just too focused on like what to do when it's like, okay, step back, look at the bigger picture here. Like it's social media. It doesn't need to be that serious or that complex. Social media should be looked at as a marketing tool. You provide [00:07:00] tips, knowledge, quick things that are easy to digest to.
[00:07:04] You know, give your audience a little sample of you, your business, what you have to offer, so that then they're interested and then they will pay you and hire you. But sometimes we put too much into things that aren't that important, and then we get in our own head and then we get into that vicious imposter syndrome.
[00:07:23] You know, bad self-talk cycle of well. I didn't post it this way. Someone else shared it this way. Someone else touched on this topic and shared a really good reel. And I did something like that, but it wasn't as good. That's okay. That is okay. And I think for the, a lot of us, it's so easy to compare ourselves to other people. It's so easy. I, I feel like that is almost a default because it's just like, okay, well what am I not doing right? And. How are these people doing it? Maybe I need to do it like they're doing it. That's okay. You can totally take guidance from other people, but at the end of the day, [00:08:00] how they wanna operate their business may not be how you wanna operate your business.
[00:08:03] It their vision of success, air quotes, success may not be the way you view success. You know, for me personally, I view success. I'm, I'm com I'm financially comfortable. I don't need to stress if I get hit with like big bills, I wanna be able to handle, you know, repairs and, and emergencies. I want to be prepared for emergencies.
[00:08:24] that's one layer of success for me, but it's also really enjoying what I do and, and being able to continue what I do and, and finding joy in that and finding other ways to.
[00:08:35] Grow into that more because, you know, a lot of the times we, it, it always is like, oh, well I just, I wanna bring in a lot of money. Or I, you know, like I said, you wanna be able to handle the emergency bills. You wanna be able to, you know, if something bad happens, you're ready, you're prepared. And I think that's a great.
[00:08:52] View of success, but it also needs to be, how do you want your work to look? How do you want your day-to-day life to [00:09:00] look? I don't wanna be working six days a week. I don't wanna be working late days. If I had it my way, I would end work at like 2:00 PM. Like, I think that would be, that's my ultimate goal is to, you know, not work really long days and, and be able to get out and hike after work before people start getting off work.
[00:09:18] Like finding windows like that. That's my ultimate goal. And maybe having a four day work week. Like why not aim for the things that you want? Because otherwise what's the point? Like, and that's why I have my whole goal board here and my goals change all the time. I was just thinking like, I need to go in and change it because some of these aren't as accurate, or I've figured out other goals I want because I've been working through this,
[00:09:43] but letting that comparison creep in and, and letting the opinions of others. Take hold of you know, what you're wanting within your business. It's not going to get you as far as you may want, We will, we'll have situations, you know, for example, if you're a trainer and [00:10:00] you have a string of really awesome clients, everyone is on top of it. Everyone is following their training plans, they're, they're making progress. You feel good? You're like, yes, great. Like, I know what I'm doing. These people are, I'm helping these people.
[00:10:14] We're getting somewhere. And then you'll get hit with, you know, say a nasty email or, A random one-off bad Google Review from someone you did one consult with and then never saw again, like little things or someone left a nasty comment on Instagram, like that happens. But those things are so minuscule compared to all your accomplishments, everything else going on, When the bad thing happens, it's so easy to just go, oh my God, like that really sucks and I'm only gonna focus on that. I'm not gonna think of all the good things that I've accomplished because that one bad thing really upset me. And then it turns into the mindset of, well, I'm a failure. I failed at this when it's really has not a whole lot to do with you.
[00:10:59] [00:11:00] And. You gotta look at it as a learning experience. And I feel like a lot of the times when we fail at things, we instantly think, well, I'm not good at it. Like, what's the point? And, and it takes a lot of work for us to learn, to shift our perspective of, okay, well how else can I approach this?
[00:11:17] Maybe I need to change my goal a little. Maybe I need to, you know, Hair split and break it down. Just like when we're approaching behavior and um, training plans, you wanna really split it down into something that is manageable, something that is easy to achieve so that you can work to that next step. And I just feel like a lot of the times we get so overwhelmed by running our businesses that we.
[00:11:40] Compare ourselves to people that are already established or people that may have started around the same time of us, but maybe they just, they got there a little faster than us. It's not a race and, and, you know, everyone's growth is going to be different. Everyone's business is going to be different. I, I was making the social media posts and it's [00:12:00] something that I have had to repeat in my head to myself for the last, you know, 20 so years that someone else's opinion of you is none of your business. So someone's opinion of you personally. Someone's opinion of your business, what you're posting, how you're sharing things, how you're operating your business, whatever their opinion is, it's none of your business.
[00:12:26] And I say that with as much love as possible because it's none of your business what people think about you. You don't need to know that. Why would you need to know? if someone thinks you're not operating the business the way they think you should be, what is that gonna do for you? Aside from making you agitated from that person and, and maybe make you get in your head a little more than you need to.
[00:12:49] It's none of your business. It doesn't matter the amount of times that people have. Sent me, you know, snarky messages that just are utter [00:13:00] nonsense, or it's like, I would never send somebody a message like that, and I'm not going to use examples because there's no need. But you know, I, I've gotten snarky messages before and there are times when I open it and I just think, is this worth my energy?
[00:13:15] Is it worth my energy to overthink this message and internalize it and think of how I'm not doing enough when this message is from one single person that I've never interacted with before, and it's clear that they are just coming to me to be mean. No, it's absolutely not worth my energy. And frankly, there are some messages where I wish I would've just like deleted it and not read it because it's like, well that was a waste of like a couple minutes of my life reading that and now it's gonna make me overthink.
[00:13:50] Like there are countless times where I've gotten messages on Woof Cultr or nasty emails and I'm just like, that was such a waste of my time. I. Giving it that time to read it, [00:14:00] because then I'm just getting in my own head and feeling crappy about my business when I have no right to, when there's all this good going on.
[00:14:07] But of course your brain wants to laser in on the one bad thing. And another really good example, uh, one of my really good friends was telling me, you know, there's that 80 20 role that. 20% of people are going to give you 80% of your problems. Is that what it was? Yeah, it was something like that. And, and it's true.
[00:14:28] It's like it's a small fraction of people that are going to, you know, make it so that you're going to overthink all this stuff when really, like 80% of your fans. Are loving everything you're doing there. Like there's just no need to, like everyone is entitled to their opinions and it's up to you whether you want to engage with that.
[00:14:53] Let it take up space, let it ruminate, or you can acknowledge it and then move on because. At the end of the day, [00:15:00] they're not operating your business. You are. And the chances of whoever the snarky person is, sending you a message, leaving an nasty comment, making a crappy remark about your business, whoever it is, I can guarantee you that they are not buying a package from you.
[00:15:16] They're not buying products from you, and they're not hiring you for something. So why should their opinion matter? I just wanna let that seem, get a little bit. But really it's why, this goes back to episode nine when I, you know, did the whole habits and comparison spiel of, dog trainers are not your audience.
[00:15:34] Unless you are doing like you're a school, you're doing like what I'm doing, you're doing a mentorship, whatever it is, in that aspect, yeah, dog trainers are your audience, but if you were a dog trainer and you were offering dog training services, dog trainers are not your audience. So why should you be concerned with opinions?
[00:15:54] The opinions of someone who is a colleague? And is in the same field as [00:16:00] you criticizing your business. You know what I mean? So,
[00:16:03] and I, I think I should open this up a little and explain that constructive criticism is so helpful and it can be, and it can help us really. Figure out ways to adjust, tweak our business, figure out ways to make it work for us in a better aspect. But there's a difference between constructive criticism and just being a dick.
[00:16:25] and there are a lot of times on social media that I. You know, just cuz I'm not commenting and like engaging a lot, I see what's going on. I see what's being said, I see how people interact and that's why I don't engage most of the time because I'm just like, I don't wanna get involved. None of my business don't want that energy, don't need it.
[00:16:47] but a lot of the times I'll see, you know, someone will post a reel or say something on social media and then I'll see another dog trainer go on. This dog training account and leave some like really like [00:17:00] unnecessary like snarky comment or like saying how they're doing it wrong and this is how I do it.
[00:17:06] Or giving like a free lesson that nobody fucking asked for. It's just, it's like, and I know sometimes we don't have filters, but maybe just take a second to pause and think like, Is this worth my energy to leave this comment? Is it worth me getting so worked up to leave this comment and then, you know, it's, or maybe I think about it and then I message the person that posted this and message them privately and, and handle it with them privately instead of taking it public and.
[00:17:36] You know, just being a jerk. There's no need to be a jerk. There are plenty of dogs in the world. There are plenty of dog parents in the world that need help, and I don't think we need to be jerks to other people who are using the methods that we're using.
[00:17:51] Why? Why is it that so many, I don't wanna say just force free trainers, but There are a lot of positive based trainers that do [00:18:00] not act or behave positively with other positive trainers. And I don't understand that, and I have experienced that myself when I was a trainer and when I, you know, operating wolf culture.
[00:18:13] There have been times when I'm just like, this is, I know for a fact this is a force free trainer and they're not. You know, articulating themselves to me in a very force free manner. They're being a jerk. I have been emailed by so many positive based trainers and I'm just like, is this how you talk to your clients?
[00:18:34] Like, it's just, it's rude. And so, which is hilarious because I am. I, I have been a trainer and so I know what it's like to have people speak down to me in the sense like of clients interacting with me in a way where they make me feel inferior or less than when that is not how you should be feeling when you were working with a client, especially when you were the hired professional.
[00:18:59] [00:19:00] So I know dog trainers don't like being spoken to in that way, but then they come back around and they act like that. With people that you see what I'm like, it's just, it's weird and I don't understand that. And then it's not everyone, but there is a chunk of dog trainers that behave that way. And I just don't understand why when it's like, there are so many bigger issues going on.
[00:19:23] Like, let, let's talk about the fact that, I just, I dunno why we need to be mean to each other. I, I've never understood that. I think that's something that really needs to be worked on. Um, but that was a whole tangent that got a little outta hand there. but, I guess it does loop over into shifting perspective because it's, it's just thinking before Really launching into how you wanna interact with someone. And again, if someone leaves something crappy on your account and it just seems like they are not asking a genuine question or they are just word vomiting on your page. You don't need to [00:20:00] take it in. You don't need to interact with it. Not every comment needs to be interacted with. Social media is not that fricking important, and I wish more people realized that.
[00:20:12] Yeah, it's a great way to interact, but again, that is not, the people that are on social media are not paying you. They are not hiring you. They are not giving you money, and you do need money to live and pay bills. So just don't let social media take up so much of your time because it's, it, it's important for marketing, but it's not that important if it's gonna jeopardize your mental health and make you feel crappier when you have no, you know, there's no need.
[00:20:40] You don't need to feel that way, especially when you are trying to be an entrepreneur and a dog trainer and run your business and love what you do. That is a great way to get burnt out in that comparison and letting other people's opinions ruminate and take up room where they don't deserve the room or the space.
[00:20:59] [00:21:00] And if you like today's episode, you like what we're doing here on the Leashed Mind podcast, please follow us on social media, subscribe to our YouTube channel, tag us share with a friend, like just give a little r plus and we'll be back with another episode.