Your Emotions Are Lying To You - Emotional Intelligence & Self Awareness | Ep. 105

Are your emotions always telling you the truth? Or are they sometimes misleading you?

In Episode 105 of Cup of Conversation Podcast, Coco and T dive deep into emotional intelligence, emotional regulation, and self-awareness in relationships and everyday life. This episode challenges the idea that “all feelings are facts” and explores how misinterpreting emotions can lead to conflict, poor communication, and unhealthy patterns.

We break down how to better understand your emotions, control your reactions, and communicate effectively without letting your feelings take over.

In this episode, we discuss:

•  Emotional intelligence and emotional maturity 
•  Are feelings always valid or sometimes misleading? 
•  How to regulate emotions in relationships 
•  Why you shouldn’t always trust your first emotional reaction 
•  Miscommunication and emotional perception 
•  How overthinking and anxiety affect your emotions 
•  Taking accountability instead of blaming others 
•  Healthy communication and conflict resolution 
•  Social media’s impact on mental health and emotions 
•  Self-awareness and personal growth 

This conversation is perfect for anyone interested in self-improvement, mental health, relationship advice, personal development, and healing.

If you’ve ever struggled with overreacting, overthinking, misreading people, or expressing your emotions the right way, this episode is for you.

Keywords & Topics Covered:
emotional intelligence, emotional regulation, self awareness, mental health conversations, relationship advice, communication skills, personal growth, healing journey, overthinking, anxiety, emotional maturity, podcast for women, self improvement podcast, dating and relationships, healthy communication, black women podcast

Timestamps:
00:00 Intro
01:10 Are emotions always valid?
04:00 Misreading people’s reactions
07:00 When emotions become toxic behavior
10:30 Regulating emotions in relationships
15:00 Overthinking & emotional patterns
20:00 Wanting to be understood vs understanding others
24:00 What is emotional maturity really?
30:00 Social media & mental overload
38:00 Final thoughts + takeaways 

Join the conversation:
Do you believe emotions are always valid, or do we sometimes misread situations?

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:14

Hey y'all, welcome back to another couple of conversations. Where we have conversations worth having. I'm your girl Coco. And I'm your girl T Boss. And today we are at episode 105.

SPEAKER_00 0:27

105. Five. And we live. And we live. With our Q sign and our little new little area. I don't know. I like it up here. I like it. It's good. The vibes are good up in here. And hopefully we run into your favorite aunties podcast. So we can, you know, get some girl chatting. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 0:44

From our favorite auntie. Because they are our favorite aunties for real in real life. I be watching them all the time. They just had an episode about, actually, they just had an episode about like being anxious. Really? And it was really good.

SPEAKER_00 0:54

Um, I like the Unrival podcast too. The way I know I see you've been um on our page when that you was looking at. Yeah, I like them too. That they're that's a good podcast.

SPEAKER_01 1:04

We need to connect with all our cousins up in here. I wonder what days they come. Car, you need to give us a schedule.

SPEAKER_00 1:09

Yeah, yeah. We need to connect with our cousins up in here.

SPEAKER_01 1:11

Yeah. But um, speaking of like anxious, I I wanted to really talk about like emotions. Um and this stem from because lately, I thought I had done all the work that needed to be done. Jesus.

SPEAKER_00 1:26

I know I didn't.

SPEAKER_01 1:27

Uh well, it's like almost kind of one of those things that it's never done.

SPEAKER_00 1:33

Done, yeah. It's never done.

SPEAKER_01 1:34

So it's like, especially when you're talking about emotions, because emotions, they are just a part of your everyday life. Right. And I've been doing a lot of research. I don't know if you've been seeing our algorithms on our uh YouTube, but um, I've just been doing a lot of research about the brain and just the um the brain in today's society and stuff like that. And I also was thinking about how emotions are we we deem them true because they come from us. Not necessarily because if they are true, right, right. Just because it comes from me, I'm I'm saying that it is true, right? Right. And I feel like that's not a good space to be in because I realize that just because something comes from you does not mean that it's a true emotion in a way of you really feeling that way, or you even if you're feeling that way, it's warranted. And also thinking about on the other side of an emotion that is presented to you, believing that that's what it is based off what you assume.

SPEAKER_00 2:39

Yeah, yeah. Kind of like the whole um everybody's feelings are valid type thing. I wouldn't say that they aren't, but if you don't know how to process your emotions certain ways, then just because you are feeling that way don't mean that that's how it went, or that's how, you know, that's how I was trying to portray whatever I was saying.

SPEAKER_01 3:00

How you perceive it is what I meant.

SPEAKER_00 3:01

Right.

SPEAKER_01 3:01

Um, and when I was doing some research and stuff, and I was look listening to like different like neurosciences and stuff like that.

SPEAKER_00 3:09

Um one lady, she was You must have been listening to uh what's that lady name that Charlemagne? She got that book.

SPEAKER_01 3:15

Um Joyce Myers. Who is it?

SPEAKER_00 3:18

That white lady.

SPEAKER_01 3:18

She's a white lady, but But the short bob. That's I think that's Joyce, but I wasn't talking about her.

SPEAKER_00 3:23

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_01 3:24

But yeah, she does. You must have been watching that lately though, because I've been seeing that a lot on the um No, but I think I I've been watching stuff that she talks about, so she's been seeing her name too. But um, but I haven't watched her particularly. But um she opened up and it really brought me some insight into how we can take stuff too far. And um she made a point about the people that did the some type of bombing, the marathon, at a marathon, the Boston Marathon, the bombing that happened there. One of the uh people that survived and got tried for that, um, he had a remorseful statement. He made a rem he made a statement. But um, you know, basically how you get sentenced is based on how remorseful you are, right? Right, right. And so when he made his statement, his his statement was filled with words that would align with being remorseful, but because the jurors felt like he had a stone look on his face, that he wasn't remorseful. Right, right. And she was talking about how they did so much res research and realizing that you cannot identify emotion um from other people or whatever, because emotions are literally predictions that your brain is making at the moment, right based on what it is experiencing.

SPEAKER_00 4:46

It's not concrete, it's not a true fact that you're angry, it's not a all the time when I be watching the little crime shows I be watching, they be like, oh, he didn't seem like how do you know how he feels?

SPEAKER_01 4:55

Right. And so she also showed that a blank stare might come off as unremorseful, right? But a blank stare could also be accepting that you are defeated.

SPEAKER_00 5:06

This is the kind of shit I like to get into.

SPEAKER_01 5:08

Yeah, like so. She was saying how he could have been remorseful, but in being remorseful, he was accepting that I am defeated in this moment, and um I'm I'm owning that I'm defeated, and how they misread, you know, misread that he was really remorseful or whatever. So I that just made me think about all of the times where maybe I've had an argument with somebody and I've taken their reaction that I can physically see as their emotion when that couldn't have not been that. Like, you know what I'm saying? Just because after I said what I said, you was like, oh, this nigga don't give a fuck about what I'm talking about. But that don't mean that. That don't mean that's his true emotion or your true emotion behind something. And so I just wanted to speak to the emotions. I just want to speak to how we view emotions, how we process, how we regulate them when it relates to ourselves, and how we regulate it when it relates to somebody else, too. Right. So I wanted to know at what point um does it being emotional become an excuse for poor behavior first?

SPEAKER_00 6:14

Like, um, that's a good question. Because I do know people who use that. I know people who actively use like I'm sensitive or I, you know, you know, I'm mentally distressed, or all this other stuff, like all their emotions as an excuse to just be shitty people. So I think at some point, once you get to, if you could number one, start identifying it like that, you telling people, oh man, you know, I'm fucked up like that. You know, my yeah, I know how I am, like, type shit. You know the problem, you're not nipping it in the butt. You're not trying to, or even if you are, you you kind of like are still glorifying it, like it's something to be proud of. Like, I'm not saying you need to ball up in a ball of shame or nothing like that, but you also don't need to act like, you know, y'all, everybody should just accept me for how I am because this is this is what I do.

SPEAKER_01 7:14

I had put on my notes that I was I was also because like I say, I'm actively working through this for myself. So I was answering some of these same questions, and so I had wrote that when I become like nasty or when I my my emotions cause me to be low-hanging fruit, and it's not emotions anymore, it's emotional chaos, like it's causing chaos. Then that's when I know it's not of just me having emotion because emotions come and go, right? So emotion can be a a phase or a moment, but when it becomes to become a part of my character, then that's when I know it's uh it's poor behavior, it's not an emotion anymore. This is who you are.

SPEAKER_00 7:56

Um, ask that question again. I want to think of it from a perspective of just me.

SPEAKER_01 8:02

At what point does it being emotional become an excuse for poor behavior?

SPEAKER_00 8:07

So what uh okay, I I could say sometimes that I um I might not choose the right language when when discussing things like if we in a heated argument because of emotions. So that's something that I've been trying to watch doing because I know how I am. Like, like I just said, I don't use that as an excuse. I don't try to keep on hitting people where it hurt or taking the low jabs. Like I'm trying to find the language, actively trying to find the language to say, hey, you pissed me off, or hey, I'm like, I'm close to like cutting you the fuck off. Like I like you know what I'm saying? Find the words to kind of talk in between that before it gets to all that. Right.

SPEAKER_01 8:49

And then um I said, what does what is a lack of not controlling your a lack of controlling your emotion say about you? And like what does like what does God say about not being able to control your emotion? And so God took me to Luke and he said that basically what your you are always in control of your response. Because first of all, let me go into my next question of why I got there. Um is uh should your partner regulate your uh each other's should should partners regulate each other's emotion emotions, or is it solely your own responsibility? And I was kind of conflicted with that because I'm kind of feel like which is a part of what got me to thinking about emotions because why the you keep pissing me off? Why you keep making me angry? Why you keep da-da-da-da? Has some valid points to it, yeah. But God took me to Luke, and he was like, your response shows what's truly in your heart, right? You get what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_00 9:58

So if it goes back to what we were just saying last episode, you what would you have done if anybody would have pissed you off? Exactly. You know what I'm saying? What would you have done if the baby would have made you mad? Like, you know what I mean? Like it goes back to you. What can you control for yourself? That's why I said I like my message for myself this whole year since the since New Year started was finding the language. Because I realize people around me don't have the language. So I started thinking about, well, shit, I'm thinking everybody else ain't got it. Do I got it? Like, you know, so finding the language and the right things to say when you're emotionally frustrated or you don't, you know, you feel sad, mad, whatever the case may be. If you know how to regulate that or say whatever needs to be said in the moment, or say, give me a minute, or you know, you if you're a blow-upper, you know, I probably we probably don't need to talk about this in this heated moment. Give me about 30 minutes. Let's try to, let me try to get some questions together, you get some questions together, and let's talk about this in a few minutes or something.

SPEAKER_01 10:57

And um another note that I took about um sometimes we can be so self self-helping to each ourselves or either other people that sometimes we overanalyze things. And so one of the things that I took from um the thousands of videos that I watched about emotions was a guy, he said that let bad things happen once fully. Like if your spouse or somebody piss you off, or if it that's the emotion that it comes stems from something happening in the relationship or outside of relationship or just in everyday life, let it happen bad, let that bad thing happen once without a without it being something you gotta rethink about or re-analyze whatever the case may be. Without a constraint, right? And um let it happen and not think about it, like not overanalyze why did it happen, why did I feel like that? Because everything doesn't cause for that.

SPEAKER_00 11:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:57

And he made a point to like, if something happens over and over again and you get that same emotion, then we can talk about it. Right. But everything, you kind of clog your brain with overanalyzing certain things when it only happened one time.

SPEAKER_00 12:13

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:13

You don't even know if what you got from that situation was what was supposed to be perceived.

SPEAKER_00 12:20

I have a friend like that, and I just I started I every time I see a trade or something like that in other people, I go back to like, do I be doing shit like that? Like, am I like that too? Like, and I just noticed that this person overly in a lot, every little thing, and then when it comes to themselves, they kind of let shit slide. You know what I mean? Or if it comes to somebody that they actively want to be around, they let shit slide. But right, if it's somebody that I'm already second-guessing, I'm gonna use this as an excuse, I'm gonna make this a big thing, keep on harping on it, harping, and I'm just like, I don't know about that. Like, you're you're constantly complaining to me about this, but I don't really know. I'm not on your side with this one because like you're you're just picking at it. If you don't want that person in your life or whatever, just say that.

SPEAKER_01 13:09

Yeah. And then I also thought, like, okay, when I think about like something that might make me angry or that has made me angry, I felt angry in the moment about what Krie has done. I sit and I'm thinking, like, okay, I'm not gonna expose that this is making me angry to this person because I don't need this person to be a part of my my rational lies and I don't need this to be a part of my my thought process, that person to be a part of my thought process and to even know to influence anything. You know what I'm saying? So, like sometimes, yeah, you pissed me. I felt pissed off in the moment. Okay, let me sit back with myself and think about why did I feel pissed off about this? Right. Because a lot of times, another thing that I noticed too was a lot of times we are angry with certain people or certain things when people do certain things, but the anger has already stemmed from when we first woke up. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you was angry when you woke up this morning. Yes, that lady saying something to you at work today ain't what made you angry. You were angry when you woke up, yeah. And I I also remember hearing a sermon by Jerry, and he was saying how it's not normal for believers to wake up annoyed all the time. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:27

Listen to that same one.

SPEAKER_01 14:28

So is something wrong with you? Yeah, like you know what I'm saying? So it was really like this has been like, I'm not gonna lie, I've been on social media and I've really been trying to get to the root of some shit.

SPEAKER_00 14:39

Like, yeah. And you know what's funny is I I thought after watching that sermon, it resonated with me, and like every day I be saying, like, when I see people unhappy, I just be like, God give us this day to rejoice. Like, yeah, it's mine. Like I said, that on my story the other day. I was just like, man, it be people just looking so mad. Like, if we make eye contact, if you don't hit that, like do something, like, you know, something like you could be in your zone, you could be, but if like, you know, just kind of like be in a present for a second, like be here. Like you, you always live in gratitude. It is, yeah. You always people be all over the place. But you said something um earlier that made me made me realize, like, a lot of people just use other people as an excuse to be like, you know, yeah, you made me angry, but like you said, I was already harping on some anger, or yeah, um, I know I I act this way, but you make me act this way. You know what I'm saying? They use other people as excuse, kind of like a crutch to not do what they supposed to do and work on they stuff emotionally. Because like I said, when I when I identify this in other people, I come back to me. I'm always like, do you act like that? Or do you ever make people feel like that? Like if somebody makes me feel a way, or they say something and I see they made somebody else feel away. I always ask myself, like, did I make somebody feel away by saying stuff like that? Or did I, you know what I'm saying? I check myself. Like, right. I don't understand how many people don't look in the mirror and do that.

SPEAKER_01 16:10

I think it's a hard thing to see within yourself for real. I think we see, I think, I don't think I'm not making an excuse for people, but sometimes I think that it's easier to see what you can see. You get what I'm saying? Yeah, you can't see. Yeah, you don't see how you look until you really reflect. Man, no, no. Some people are ignoring, like, no, no, no. I believe that people are ignoring it. But I'm saying before you get to a place of ignoring it, sometimes you don't see. Yeah, yeah. Because even when if I can be honest, like before I got to this point, I wasn't seeing how I was letting my emotion.

SPEAKER_00 16:48

I can say that too about myself. Like, I didn't, it didn't, it's times now where I can look back and like, oh, I really didn't understand I was doing that. Right. Or I really didn't understand what was going on. But two chains, I've been, he's been on a like a press run for a book he got called The Voice in My Head Is God. And I've been listening to, I just listened to his poor mine's interview. I listened to him on Breakfast Club the other day. And I think every, whether you, it don't matter who you praising, right? Everybody got a voice in their head, a conscience in their head. Whether you listen to it or not is up to you. Totally up to you. Right. I think a lot of people ignore their better judgment off of like, you know, they know, you know, we we grown. We know if you drink and drive, this what could happen. Like a lot of people act like they're so oblivious to little common facts. Like it, and I kind of like equate that to like the I always say the hood mindset or the poverty mindset because a lot of people sit in that and just be like, uh, I know what I should be doing, but you know, this cool right now.

SPEAKER_01 17:51

No, I I think that it's I don't even think that people don't know. I think that or they know and they they just not listening to it. They are not listening to it, but at the end of the day, I think that when you don't have some type of real source or connection to something higher than you are, it's easy to come succumb to your flesh. Like the flesh is way stronger than we want to give it credit for.

SPEAKER_00 18:19

Or we might not, or they might not be hearing the same type of voice we hear. You know what I mean? It's like depending on how far you can stray it away. You know, the voice in your head might be telling you to go fuck that nigga up. Like yeah, it might be telling you to go do, you know, exactly crash.

SPEAKER_01 18:35

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:36

Yeah, like do exactly what you're doing.

SPEAKER_01 18:38

Yeah, so it's like I get both sides of the you gotta have a sense of some type of anchor, like for real, for real, that is not the norm of your thoughts. Right, you know what I'm saying? I feel like whenever you feel see, this is another thing to think about too. Whenever you feel like you always in agreement with your thoughts, that's not a sign of oh, I'm aligned. I'm right, right. That's a sign of you're out of your mind.

SPEAKER_00 19:06

Yes, yes. You're giving into what you want.

SPEAKER_01 19:08

Yeah, like you're doing what you want to do. It's time to really evaluate, you know, what was what's going on.

SPEAKER_00 19:17

That's good.

SPEAKER_01 19:18

But my next one was do you how much of conflict comes from people wanting to be understood but not wanting to understand? How much of our conflict comes from that?

SPEAKER_00 19:31

If I had to put a percentage on it, I would say about 85 to 90 percent, just because I've had times where I chalk it up to little stuff. Like I could be on the phone with somebody trying to vent about something, and then they throw, you know, girl, yeah, I understand, because this would happen to me, and then then they all now they on to their story. You want to be understood, yet you're not trying to really understand. Like you ain't follow up, ask some questions, fucking it. Ask them like you know what I'm saying. Tell me you're listening to my story or something, more than a mm-hmm, uh-mm. Like, because you can't, I can't always be in the right. You can't agree with everything I'm saying. So ask some questions, you know what I'm saying? Right. Like, be intuitive to what I'm talking about. You ain't you ain't even really into it for real, because you want to be understood.

SPEAKER_01 20:22

You want to, you know. You didn't have that moment when you was uh misunderstood because you just trying to bring it back away.

SPEAKER_00 20:28

Exactly. Like I would say a very high percentage. I literally at this like link lately stopped talking to people because I don't I don't get nothing out of it. I don't like uh the people that I talk to, a lot of them don't have the language. You don't you ain't asking questions. You ain't, you know, like when me and you talk, if I'm ever been to you, you always asking like, so well, what if it's just, you know, or you know, XY, why ain't you asking no follow-up question? You don't, you don't why you talking about the if you ain't got you you understood everything I said, you ain't got no bullet point proof, you don't got nothing in the story. You want to go back and well let's go back to this point because right here, I really didn't understand what you were saying about how you was in the right, but it sounded like to me that you was tripping a little bit. Right, right. Something give me something in your head. It's like that's how I know you ain't trying to understand. You a lot of people are not listening, they just talking.

SPEAKER_01 21:25

Yeah. Um I think it comes from too, like being in constant communication or in relation with people that are those type of people. That would push me to always want to be understood if I've only had people that never understood me, never knew how to regulate their emotions, never knew how to give me any feedback when we in a conversation or in the like how your family grew up, like you know your people. So any chance I get, I'm trying to be understood. Like, because these niggas over here don't understand me. I'm I'm I'm coming from people not understanding me so. Maybe this person understands. Maybe no, she don't understand. Maybe this person understands. So it's always like a constant, like, I gotta be understood. Mm-hmm. And just the uh understanding part, that's accountability. That takes a lot of accountability. And a lot of people haven't even graduated to accountability just yet. So I think that being one to be understood is that almost kind of like that that surface level part. Yeah. Okay. I want to be understood. I want to be understood. It's like that being a baby. You know what I'm saying? And then be having understanding is like that's a big girl. You gotta put your big girl claws on to do that. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_00 22:36

So that I think having understanding takes it away from you personally. Right. A lot of people want us to me, me, me, me, me, me, me, all about me. But having understanding, you have to consider other people. Oh, my feelings was hurt like that, but I wonder how he felt when that in that moment or she felt in that moment. Like I didn't think about it. Like, and I don't think enough people sit back and do that. That it's it's always a complaint or a spite about what I could be doing, me, me, me, or how somebody could have treated me.

SPEAKER_01 23:05

Be better.

SPEAKER_00 23:06

Yeah. So I just like you said, I think sometimes my want to be understood is from talking to people like that. But I'm starting to get to a point where I'm just considering the next person because I I don't have many, I have like probably like one or two people who ask me the why questions, like you, maybe one other person. But I appreciate those little relationships. Maybe God is making me stay in the other ones so I can be the why person. You know what I mean? I can talk reasoning to somebody. Right. Because I feel like one of my friends is actually getting a lot from me. Like every time I like, I be like, and I do I bring your time, your name up in topics all the time. Oh yeah, I don't I hate to always bring Coco up, but Coco said this one time. He was like, Oh girl, I don't be mad that you know, that's your friend, and y'all talk about stuff, you get shit from her. Like, and it just pieces up shit. And once you ask why questions, it kind of like be like, oh yeah. You we get a little away from this undersurface. Now we starting to, like you said, graduate to thinking about other people and their feelings.

SPEAKER_01 24:06

Yeah. Um is emotional maturity the ability to feel deeply or the ability to re pause before responding?

SPEAKER_00 24:17

Um, pause before responding. And having a proper language to regulate your emotion and say what you're trying to feel, so you ain't like a baby just screaming what you feel, you know.

SPEAKER_01 24:26

I said that too. I I said I think both.

SPEAKER_00 24:28

Okay. Um because I think Yeah, different situations can call for different things.

SPEAKER_01 24:34

Yeah, I said feel deeply too, because I feel like a lot of times our our the you know, our I put you know how you put a star by your favorite your favorites list? I think our favorites is being angry. That's an easy emotion. Of course. Um, being sad, like those those surface level emotions. I think that those are all of our words. Right, right, right. But I think in order to be able to feel deeply or be in your feelings a little bit deeper, you'll get out of that more um what did you call um accelerated or advanced emotions. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You get what I'm saying? Like, oh, I was just perplexed. I was just right, right, right, right. You know, it causes you to have more than just oh, pop off.

SPEAKER_00 25:22

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:22

You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_00 25:23

Bubba recently um kind of steered me into a direction of putting emotions on him. Because for the longest, I used to tell him, um, when he'd be like, Why you got an attitude? Stop putting the attitude on me when I'm thinking, just because I'm quiet. Like, stop putting that on me. So recently, I have been asking him, like, if I come in and I see a certain look on his face, I'd be like, You stressed? And he be like, No, stop trying to, he, I'm anxious. I'm anxious because I'm trying to figure some some shit out. Like learning them different. I like that. We're going from from, you know, kindergarten to we're the intermediate now. Like, you know, now we need to go graduate a little bit of high school and college. You know, you know, we need to, we're moving on up. Right.

SPEAKER_01 26:06

Like we getting to exactly. No, I I um I yeah, so I think it's kind of both. Because I think once you know how to feel deeper, I feel like you'll know how to pause before you respond. Right. Because it'll give you something to think about. You indeed. Because you're thinking about the language.

SPEAKER_00 26:24

You think you think about the stuff you want to say, you you're not thinking about the first thing that comes to mind. You thinking like when if you watch certain interviews, you might see people that have good shit to say, might say, that's a good question. And pause for a little minute before they just go into talking about, you know, because not only am I thinking about how to answer the question, I'm thinking about the mature, the emotional way, you know, not how I really truly feel, not what I just heard.

SPEAKER_01 26:49

Exactly, exactly. Regurgitate the information.

SPEAKER_00 26:51

Exactly. And then also taking it away from a hurt place of me. Like if I'm speaking from somewhere where this is reminiscent of something else, take that away from if you just answering the question and it ain't got nothing to do about that. Right. You know what I'm saying? Take that away from that. Yes, yes. That's why I love people being them comments going off on each other. I'm like, You don't even know this person. You, you're talking about fuck they mama and shit. Like, and you, you are taking it far. Why are you this hurt in the commentation? Like, that's that's crazy. Somebody did that to me recently. Facebook is a dangerous place, child.

SPEAKER_01 27:26

Like, well, what I'm finding out of over this time being off like just the the mental strain that it has on our brain.

SPEAKER_00 27:36

Like, I agree with you.

SPEAKER_01 27:37

It's a it's a it's not a safe place at all. But um, I was gonna say something. Dang, what was I about to say?

SPEAKER_00 27:44

Um, they was happy to see you on IG the other day, too. They was happy. When what I what I was that video you sent me, I posted it.

SPEAKER_01 27:53

Oh my god, T.

SPEAKER_00 27:54

I thought that's why you sent it to me. No, what they said. Oh, they was just laughing. Girl, they was laughing. Looking a mess. Somebody tier was like, I was wondering where she was at.

SPEAKER_01 28:04

No, and you know what? And that's another thing. Like, um, oh, I was gonna talk about before I say this, but I was gonna talk about um, I'm just like, I feel so like really like different now. Like, I I'm not trying to be overly deep, but I feel different because like even yesterday, me and Carrie had a little spat, and he was like, I just uh I don't understand why you just don't trust me. And I was just like, when he said it, it was just like, nigga, you always say, just because I don't want to agree to what you I don't trust you. I don't I don't trust your that ain't what it's about. And so I was really able to express how I really felt, and I had text him back and I was like, it trust is not the right word. It's not that. I was like, I feel like what I asked, I asked him a question before I even told him how I felt. I said, what do you do with what do you do with the information that I give you? Right. Because if you just take it and say, Oh, she just don't trust me, what are you really doing with the I'm talking, I'm a talker, so I'm gonna talk about you ain't processing dissertation. What did you do with that information? And he talked about what you mean. That's what I asked. What you doing with what I just told you?

SPEAKER_00 29:15

Right, right. How did how did you couldn't have read that thoroughly? Like, did you go back over in Spark Notes? Did you ask yourself the questions or something?

SPEAKER_01 29:22

I had to give him bullet points. Let me go to I said, because I had to give him bullet points. I was like, he talked about why I said, I said no. I said, well, but it's not about me trusting you. I told him, I said, what bothers me is I'm married to somebody that don't value the things that I say. Like you not, you're not taking serious the things that I say. And he was like, Why do you think I don't value that? So I gave him bullet points.

SPEAKER_00 29:45

One you ain't listening. Look, I just typed all this out, and you ain't listening when I said this. Right. And then I said that. And then and all you took from that is I don't trust your word just because I'm asking you questions.

SPEAKER_01 29:56

But I really felt good about our conversation because it ends up being a verbal conversation.

SPEAKER_00 30:01

It seems pretty healthy.

SPEAKER_01 30:02

It's right. That's why I say that.

SPEAKER_00 30:03

Everybody might say that's that's that's a you know, that's an argument. I don't like y'all throw that word on everything. We need that's a healthy conversation.

SPEAKER_01 30:09

I felt like it was very productive for both of us, and it took away the argument part. It took away, I feel like I da da da da da. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, let me give you reasonable. This is what happens when when I say this, this is why I feel like you don't value it, because this. This is why I don't.

SPEAKER_00 30:26

So you think men and women take social media in different, like it might be it might be better for us to stay off of it a little more because we gonna process everything we see.

SPEAKER_01 30:34

Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:36

I'm I'm that's what I'm saying. I feel like a totally different person now because whereas it was an overload of information for me, because it's not even about like people was like, oh, that might just be your timeline. It's not about the negative on my time, like our five. It's just so many different things.

SPEAKER_00 30:51

You're getting a focus and what is like on YouTube looking up brain stuff. So now you're looking up brain shit, you watching all these videos, you ain't gotta go from brain shit to the political shit. Yeah, to you know, you ain't gotta be scattered brain.

SPEAKER_01 31:03

Exactly. I want to work out, and then I go over here. Oh, the girl, like, okay, in order to work out, you gotta do this. Then I go over here, and then this coach doing this. It's just too much noise. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like literally, this has been the first time in a long time that I have stayed focused with working out. I worked out every day this week, except yesterday. I need to delete my apps, baby. I when and I when I when I tell you, like, I'm with that shit. I I've been doing things that I like me doing my makeup in the morning and going to work. It's not even about like, it's just about me feeling good. Like I want to feel good, I want to be presented in the best way possible. I want to do it.

SPEAKER_00 31:37

Deeper than that, it's about you having a discipline, like to do stuff that I said in my mind, I want to do this. Exactly. I can get up with my body and do it. People don't understand how sometimes they body overrides what they mind say. Like, your mind is telling you you want to go work out, but your body is saying shit. I'm tired. So you went into the I'm tired of your body ain't saying that. Your mind ain't even saying that.

SPEAKER_01 32:00

I got off work. I was tired. Quote unquote. I was tired and not and not go work out. And I did, and I felt so good after like even getting in the car before I got to the workout. I felt good just defeated, putting my workout clothes on and getting in my car again. After I just got out of my car. So it's just like I just been feeling like I told Tierra actually did um her and uh Sana, they both inboxed me like um prior earlier this week. And they were like, hey, where you been? Uh she was like, I ain't been seeing you. And Oxana was like, How you feeling, girl? I I thought about you the other day, I ain't been seeing you. And I felt really good about that, but more than anything, like I was telling Sierra, like, I feel like, I feel like I probably felt because I can't really remember it, but I feel like I felt before we had phones.

SPEAKER_00 32:50

Phones, yeah. Me and my sister was literally just talking about this last night. Yeah, she said the same thing you said right before you deleted. She said, I'm tired of waking up and going straight to my phone. Yeah. I'm tired of waiting. And it's like, I want to go back to that. I'm thinking of, I'm actively thinking of ways how to separate myself from like, for example, she said something about, um, and I think I'm gonna start this. You know, tomorrow's daylight savings time on Sunday. Um, she said after her clock changes to the new time, she'll never change it back because we should just be following the sun. Does that make sense? Yes. It when like they move in the time saying, you know, when you get off at five, it's it should be dark outside. But whole time, you really should have just woke your ass up when the sun came up. Yeah, you know what I mean? When she said that, I said, Yeah, that's bitch. You know what? Yeah, yeah. I'm probably, yeah, yeah. Cause then I still gotta be at work for a day eight, but I've been I done been up for two hours in the morning. You know what I'm saying? Cause I got up with the sun. You feel me? You know what I'm saying? Like, it could all be so simple. It really could.

SPEAKER_01 33:59

Yeah, we overcomplicate things, and I think that's a good idea. I never understood daylight savings, so oh, screens a screen time and social media. I'm sorry, I'm coming away from the mind, but the screen time itself, just yeah, all of it, even because sometimes, like, even though I'm not on social media, I find myself like getting on um YouTube, YouTube to get a video, like, okay, well, let me learn something. But sometimes that can be too much, too. Right. So I've been telling myself I need to find um now I'm working on finding a book that will help me with my imagination.

SPEAKER_00 34:30

Okay. And stuff like that, this is so crazy. Like, stuff just really be aligning because I was really looking, I asked Chat GPT for books um for stuff like not stuff that we talk about, but kind of like just to give us different language instead of looking doing our research like that. Uh and I was looking up books like that we would probably enjoy about black women, growth, this, that, and the third. You know what I'm saying? That I can, we can kind of book club them. I read one, I pass that bit to you. You read something, you pass it to me.

SPEAKER_01 34:59

That's another thing I've been thinking about like different hobbies that I can do that'll help stimulate my mind. Um, a girl, she went, she didn't, she got off our socials, but she went, uh she's she she got rid of her iPhone. She went back to a flip phone because she's saying she she was a she did a TED talk. I watched her TED talk about it, and she was just saying about the screen in general and how I believe that it affects your brain. And so she went to a flip phone, but she talked about um how she would call her friends randomly and have like at least 30 to 45 minute conversations with her friends, and it's it felt odd to them at first. That's weird that it even felt odd to say that. But she was like, that's how far we have gotten away from true communication, too, true community. And she was like, just going like now I don't get on, I don't even get on YouTube. Like I go to a book club or I go to this, like just to really stimulate my brain.

SPEAKER_00 35:58

I call my auntie, like I did like a family like around call when I got off work like last week. I called my brother, I call, well, I call my granny, my brother, my mom, and my auntie. And when I when I made it to my auntie, because I don't talk to her that much, we talk on Facebook, we talk, texting. When I got to that, she was like, Oh, I thought you needed something. I said, No, I'm just calling everybody, checking in on y'all, seeing how y'all doing, you know. But that's what we have feeling.

SPEAKER_01 36:21

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 36:21

Like relationships at. She was like taken aback, like, what's going on? You alright? Something about to happen? No. I'm just trying to see if you alright. Shit.

SPEAKER_01 36:30

I even thought it was normal that nobody had reached out. I thought it I didn't feel no type of way that nobody had reached out since I've been off social media. It wasn't until Tierra and Oksana reached out to me that I'm like, why haven't nobody else reached out? I have kind of been, if that's our main. We don't know where you are. Exactly. We don't know.

SPEAKER_00 36:51

We don't know nothing about you.

SPEAKER_01 36:52

You've been saying nothing like, you know, hey, you know, especially if you know, if it's out of my normal activity. You get what I'm saying? So I think the thought that that alarmed not even made them feel like that, like something was wrong with me, but the thought to even text me.

SPEAKER_00 37:07

It's it's a different mindset.

SPEAKER_01 37:09

You get what I'm saying? Like, I I told Tierra that and I was like, this really had like amount of friends and shit that they got.

SPEAKER_00 37:15

You know what I mean? Like it shows why they have the community.

SPEAKER_01 37:19

I was like, this is why their friend group is the way it is. Yeah. Because they literally are different.

SPEAKER_00 37:24

Yes, yes. Yeah. That that goes to show like them little crime shows that I watch. If somebody I be seeing, they be patterns that, you know, and they friends be on the nah, cause she posts every day. Like, if she didn't post, is it? I feel like something was wrong. And then she was, they'll be like, I gave it a day. But if she ain't at least text me, I definitely like I know she's gonna get back. Like right, like just checking on your friends' patterns and knowing your friends, and you know, yeah, actually caring and worrying about them.

SPEAKER_01 37:52

Like having a real relationship outside of what people can see, yes, that's it, emotionally connected, yes. So, yeah, that's I said I know my this was a good one.

SPEAKER_00 38:03

20 minutes over, but this was a good one, not 20 minutes, but this was a mo. I'm not gonna lie, I'm not gonna lie. This is good. We could have gone all day with this one. But hope y'all enjoy. Hope y'all take which what would you want somebody have to have to taken from this episode?

SPEAKER_01 38:19

Um, to be to go into your emotion a little bit deeper down surface level. Just uh really sit with yourself sometime on the things that really have that keep coming up. Right, right, right. One time, don't dwell on it. Let it be just that one interaction, it went bad, it didn't go as you planned. But if it's something that keeps happening, I would just say really like look into it and look into it on the role that you play and how you can perceive things differently.

SPEAKER_00 38:48

Right, right.

SPEAKER_01 38:49

And not be offended by the don't have a spirit of offense.

SPEAKER_00 38:54

I love that. I love that. Well, we'll see y'all next week.