Peace vs Happiness: Why You Still Feel Unfulfilled (And How to Fix It) | Ep. 108

Are you chasing happiness but still feel unfulfilled? In this episode of Cup Of Conversation, we get real about the difference between peace vs happiness, why happiness is temporary, and how learning to protect your peace can completely change your life.

Tee and Coco sit down for a powerful solo episode to unpack mental health, therapy breakthroughs, social media detox, and setting boundaries in relationships, work, and everyday life. From stepping away from social media for 40 days to redefining success, this conversation dives deep into what it really means to live a fulfilled life.

We explore how expectations, attachment styles, and emotional habits keep us stuck in cycles of disappointment—and how choosing peace over constant happiness can lead to true emotional stability.

If you’ve ever struggled with overthinking, people-pleasing, or feeling like you’re doing everything “right” but still not satisfied… this episode is for you.

In this episode, we talk about:

Peace vs happiness: what’s the real difference?
Why happiness is temporary (and peace is sustainable)
Social media detox & mental clarity
How expectations ruin relationships
Setting boundaries without guilt
Attachment styles: anxious vs secure
Healing through therapy & self-awareness
Taking control of your life instead of reacting to it
Why success doesn’t always equal happiness

peace vs happiness, how to find peace, mental health podcast, self improvement, therapy talk, social media detox, setting boundaries, attachment styles explained, emotional healing, self awareness, personal growth, relationships and boundaries, anxiety and expectations, finding purpose, happiness vs fulfillment

Join the conversation:
We’re all about conversations worth having. Drop a comment and let us know—are you choosing peace or happiness right now?

👍 Don’t forget to LIKE, COMMENT, and SUBSCRIBE for more real, unfiltered conversations every week.

Timestamps (optional to add later):
0:00 Intro
1:30 Social media detox experience
5:50 Peace vs happiness discussion
10:00 Why we equate success with happiness
15:00 Boundaries & expectations
20:00 Attachment styles breakdown

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:14

Hey y'all, welcome back to another couple conversations. Where we have conversations worth having. I'm your girl Coco. And I'm your girl T. And this week we are on the couch solo dolo episode 108.

SPEAKER_02 0:27

108. 108. 108. You was right. You're right. 108. 108. 108. And we look, cuz um. Because why? I don't know. Saucy, bruh. I don't know where he just started, but don't bring that back. Okay. I ain't even got enough titties to be doing while I'm over here playing.

SPEAKER_00 0:48

But it is kind of fun, though.

SPEAKER_02 0:49

It is, huh? I'm on a good high of our conversations. Cause we've been, we just I'm gonna bring you down a little bit though. We're gonna be back to back to back episodes of Banger.

SPEAKER_00 1:02

Back to another banger. Like they be saying like you're back another banger.

SPEAKER_02 1:06

Yeah, girl, you know you ain't been on no social media. YouTube been your social media. How has it been?

SPEAKER_00 1:11

It's been good, man. I ain't gonna lie to you. Like, I'm really like, I think my last day is Friday. I believe um I did it for the 40 days. 40 days, okay. 40 days social media leading up to um, you know, when Jesus went into the wilderness or whatever. So uh it started off as like more of a spiritual thing because well, I I deemed it as a spiritual thing just because God the one told me to do it. So I figured he was trying to get to get to me and tell me something. So um, but it kind of been like less spiritual, like still spiritual, but less spiritual and more like um health-related, um mental awareness, mental awareness, um, just being able to get into my own mind, get into my own thoughts, like and not be um I think it'll be more of a mental awakening for everybody if social media just went down for a little while. And and you know, and before I was creating this episode, I was thinking about like, I wonder, could we just everybody need to do this? Everybody needs to do this because I feel like it's tied into so much more. You know how we used to always talk about how God is tied into so much? I feel like social media is tied into so much, it's like the new God. Like, I ain't gonna lie. Like, no seriously. Um and I feel like if we all just came off of social media, like you would find out so much about yourself, so much about the people around you, so much about what you really want out of life that's not attached to what you see.

SPEAKER_02 2:46

The noise, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:47

Yeah, and so it's been really good. I ain't gonna lie. I really think I'm thinking about how I'm gonna strategically go back into it because I've been telling myself, okay, yeah, Friday would probably be the day, but don't just go head first back into it. Right, right. Like figure out how, like, what is your new normal gonna look like? Because don't have done all this in vain, like you know what I'm saying, type of thing. So I'm kind of thinking, like, what am I gonna do? Like give myself one day on social media a week or something like that. Because I really like not being on social media. Yeah. Um, so yeah, it's been good though. It's been really good.

SPEAKER_02 3:20

Yeah, I'm trying to, I think I'm getting caught up. I think I just need to go ahead and jump into it because I'm getting caught up in the structure and what it's gonna look like after I do it thing, um, and how to, like I said, like I told you before, still structure the podcast and still kind of like remain with that social media presence. But for us, I don't think it's that big of a deal because a lot of people who start podcasts had like individual social media personalities to keep up with. Like whether, like when we talk about Shy, how she says she was big on Twitter and things like that. Like, people, they have like things to keep up with when we certainly don't have, I mean, this we don't necessarily have that. While we're trying to build it for ourselves, we don't have the demand for it right now. So I feel like this is probably the perfect time for us to do it. We can we got a consistent podcast, we we put in the episodes out, reels are going out too, but it's just not pressured. And I think we still working on getting our our back end done with the you know, people, the help to have it like a well-oiled machine to where we really could take a break if we want to.

SPEAKER_00 4:27

And I think too, in order for the pressure, I feel like to be honest, I feel like we've moving for for us to be successful in this media space, I feel like we are moving to coming away from social media and them and giving social media what it needs versus giving people what they need.

SPEAKER_02 4:45

Right. For real, for real.

SPEAKER_00 4:47

And yeah, because I feel like when you focus on how you can get your content to do well on social media, that's when you kind of take a backseat to what really needs to happen.

SPEAKER_02 4:55

Right, right. Because social media is so forth live. Yeah, that's why it starts when people get to saying stuff that they want to be clickbait or want to be caught quickly, but it then you go click on their episodes and it's a bunch of that. Like none of the shit connecting, no, no, no, nothing attacks, nothing. It's just so I'm I'm glad we are doing it the way we are doing it. People might say this is the slow train, you know, it'll be a slow boogie, but I I really enjoy the process of the way we choosing to do it. Yeah, to do it.

unknown 5:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:26

But what you talking about today? It's a little bit of the episode.

SPEAKER_00 5:29

It's a little bit about like what we're talking about, um happiness versus peace versus happiness. Okay. Um, and I I've I've been going to therapy, and a lot of the things that I'm finding out a lot of the things that I want out of life are about being happy. And when I really thought about it, it is it's becoming a problem now because happiness is fleeting. It comes and it goes. You know, if you got if you go up and you happiness, it's gonna have something has to come down, right?

SPEAKER_01 6:03

Right.

SPEAKER_00 6:04

And so um I've been I've been really focused on like working on my mental and figuring out how to sustain peace.

SPEAKER_02 6:13

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 6:14

Uh, regardless if I'm happy or not, or not, because those things happen, grief happens, sadness happen, all of those things happen. So you cannot, it's impossible to stay happy all the time.

SPEAKER_02 6:24

It's a it's just about knowing how to process them and handle them when they do.

SPEAKER_00 6:27

Right. So um I had the question that came up in my mind, what if thing the thing that you've been chasing, happiness, is the very reason you keep being unfulfilled? Because I keep arriving at this point, even when my life is good, I keep arriving at this unfulfilled like moment. Like, what's what what more? What next? And because we live in a culture of continuously chasing things and continuously improving, um, it always takes you back to your purpose, right? Well, when I thought about purpose, I was like, dang, what is purpose? And I and I defined it and I was like, okay, but purpose is also a habit of chasing. Because once you know what your your purpose is, you have to you have to strive to make that happen. And so it's also a habit not right off the back is not a habit like to chase, but that's essentially what that is. Right. Like you're gonna be forever trying to fulfill your purpose. And so I was just thinking about that, and I was like, dang, like I'm gonna be forever unfulfilled if my goal is happiness. And you know, sometimes you kind of be like, Well, why wouldn't I want to be happy? Like, you know what I'm saying? But really, what I realize is it's not happiness that I want, it's peace.

SPEAKER_02 7:46

Yeah. And so that's what got me-just find solitude and being and having all the things, you know, happy, sad, whatever. Um, I think that's that's kind of like our main conflict that keeps us from enjoying life sometimes, because we get to focusing on how it feels to be happy instead of sitting in a little bit of the sadness or just allowing grief to take its little moment and then moving on. Um, instead, because I I've been trying to focus on not letting my me and my therapist have been talking about lot, not letting moments determine my happiness or my day. If I if I if she was to ask me at the end of the day, did you have a good day? Did you have a joyful happen? They don't ask you if you have a happy day. Did you have a good day? Peaceful, fun, you know, uh, was it all positive? But good could just mean I handled it well throughout everything that, you know, the roller coaster of today.

SPEAKER_00 8:48

Right. And so that's basically what peace is because I I thought about like, okay, what is peace then? So I f I equated peace to finding joy in everything. Even like, say for instance, something happens bad, my car gets broken down, um, I have a flat tire. Right. Okay, let me go back. And so peace would be I'm not upset about my car. First, and seeing that I'm not upset about my car, my tire, my tire being flat, or if I am, but how can I find the joy in this situation? What could have happened versus my tire being? Right. I could have had a car accident, right, right. I could have died, I could have ran off the road. Like, so finding joy in the things that happen, and once you find that joy in those things, then it's easier to cope, and it's not like a happiness, sad, happiness, sad, mad, angry, happy, joy, you know what I'm saying? It's it's like a it's a steady position. You're in a position, you standing in that position no matter what happens.

SPEAKER_02 9:53

Right, right.

SPEAKER_00 9:54

So, why do you think we equate happiness to success? Why do you think we equate that?

SPEAKER_02 9:58

Because in society, we're taught the more things you can obtain successfully, um, the better off you'll be. You know, the more a lot of people equate having money with freedom and time and this and that. When you you have all those things, no matter how much money you have, you still have happiness, you have time, you have the freedom and free will to do whatever you want. You know, um, just like we've been seeing, I don't know if you've been seeing, oh, I know you haven't been seeing, you ain't been on social media, but just like uh recently, Sana and Tier have been like, they've been saying using our free will to do random shit that we want to do. Like we all have the free will, and I I um I think a lot of times we allow our free will to, I mean, we allow our circumstances to detect to lay dormant our free will. To to yes, to detect our free will, like what we gonna do. Like, oh well, if I ain't got enough money, then I can't go to the beach. But you can go outside to the park. You can still, you know, you can And you can go to the beach and I have no money. Exactly. Like, you know what I mean? It ain't gotta be Cancun. Yeah, you know, go to Gavston. If you wanna go to Gavston, you gotta make it work. You gotta do what makes so that's why I did recently. Um, my therapist was asking me like my purpose and stuff. And like I did like that little bingo board just to try different things because it don't matter what you feel like you need to have these things, as long as you're doing something that you feel like brings you peace and happiness. It doesn't matter the success rate you had, because I mean that those are still gonna be priorities tomorrow. You know?

SPEAKER_00 11:39

Um, so do you think that life is supposed to always feel good?

SPEAKER_02 11:44

I don't. I think um, because I I I remember vividly thinking this one day, um, going through my my faith journey, just like, is God knowing of all things? Because would He have let some of this go on? Like, really? But yeah, he would have. Because had not, people still wouldn't be turning towards him to ask for answers and things like that. So we have to take the good with the bad because then you wouldn't be able to see the good. You just think that everything, this is how it's supposed to be. I wouldn't even say thank you when you open the door, because this is how it's supposed to be. You know what I mean? Like, I don't think that um we should ever get to a feeling where this is how things are supposed to be. You should always have some kind of because you don't, it's life. You know, life takes a role of like even if you get so sustained in your marriage or your career, things could change like in a blink of an eye. Right. And what do you think?

SPEAKER_00 12:41

And and I I don't think it's always supposed to feel good, but I will say that um I think what I've been working on more too is in order to sustain peace and to have peace, is to get outside of the receiving side of life, to get around the receiving side. I think that um we live on the receiving side of life. We if I do this, I'll be happy. Like I have to do this, I have to receive this, get this, or if I don't get this, I will suffer. Like we're always on the receiving side of getting whatever life gets to us. But it's almost kind of like what you said about the free will. If I get ahead of my free using my free will, then I'm not getting what life gives me. I'm giving life what I'm about to give it.

SPEAKER_02 13:24

Well, yeah, you know what I'm saying? I'm taking this, I'm taking what I want, right?

SPEAKER_00 13:28

And it's almost like taking back control of your life. And like, so my thing has been how can I get on the other side of that receiving side? I don't wanna, and and and it came from really therapy, like um having an expectation from people, you shouldn't have.

SPEAKER_02 13:45

Right, right.

SPEAKER_00 13:46

Because you like I said before, I think on the episodes, even if you have an expectation for yourself, you don't live up to those all the time. Right, right. And so you're gonna be mad, you don't be mad at yourself, you might be disappointed, like, dang, I ain't even gonna work out, like I said, I was gonna do it. Right, right. But you don't have that same energy that you would have when somebody else. So why are you holding that person to the expectation of certain things if you don't even keep all your expectations to yourself? And so, like, with that, I've been like, how can I get around having this expectation that if I do, I will have whatever XYZ, whatever it is. And so I've been not worrying about having happiness or nothing, just being and doing what I feel in that moment, like what I feel this week. I feel like I'm feeling a little sad this week. How can I uplift my own spirits? How can I not be so people dependent? Yeah. Um, and I think that the in order to have peace, it has to come from the inside and it can't be subjective to what's happening around you.

SPEAKER_02 14:46

But I also don't want to get to a point to where, you know, sometimes where you don't want to run yourself raggedy trying to get happiness, but I also don't want to get to a complacent point where I'm so, I don't want to stress myself. So I'm just gonna sit here and let it be what it is, you know. Right. You know, you kind of letting the circumstance. It's kind of like a middle, a very fine line you gotta find in between the two.

SPEAKER_00 15:08

That's the peace, though. I think the I don't want to find happiness. I want to find peace. I want to find the thing that sustains me. So I think that's the difference. And I thought about okay, what's the difference between happiness and peace? So I think happiness is it comes, it goes, um, it's emotional, it's temporary. But peace is like something that's stable, it's not dependent on what's going on.

SPEAKER_02 15:31

Right. It's your it's more so your reaction, like the cause and effect thing. Peace is your reaction. If if somebody is making you mad or whatever, if you are sustained in peace, it don't make you as mad.

SPEAKER_00 15:45

Like like it's almost kind of like the the person that um you know how like something'll be going on and they'll just it's something bad and they'll be laughing, like and they just keep walking and they just laughing. Yeah, it's almost kind of like you gotta have that type of energy. Like, yeah, that's not about to piss me off. That's that's okay.

SPEAKER_02 16:04

And that's what that's exactly what my therapist has been telling me because I've been explaining to her about the work situation, and being that that is somewhere that I have to be seven, we got seven days out the week. I gotta be there five days, and I have to be there 40 hours. Um, what we got, like 126 or something hours in the week or something like that. That's a lot of time to be spending in one place and not not like it, like hate it. So I'm really trying to change my perspectives because I'm in a good spot with them as far as like, you know, something I ain't gonna speak on on here, but it's a business suit. Right. You know, when you put on a business suit. But like I'm in a good space, so it's no point for me to like be mad at the things that I cannot change. I can't change them into thinking that black people aren't just bad people, you know what I mean? Aren't aren't dumb people. I can't change their mind. Right. I can't change them to think that, oh yeah, she's working good in here, but she doesn't have a bad attitude. I don't have a bad attitude. I'm just I don't like y'all. I don't talk to y'all, right? I can't change y'all from thinking like that. So what I'm changing is the way that I come in and expect y'all to finally see me. I don't expect y'all to see me again. I expect you to do what you're gonna do. Right, exactly. And I'm gonna keep on documenting what you do. Yeah, and it I just expect, yeah, you know what I mean? I expect you to be you, like, and I feel like if we take a lot of the expectation out of life, exactly.

SPEAKER_00 17:27

That's what we find a little more of a that's the arrival to peace. Yes, the expectation. Yes. Um, not having this high expectation, the low expectation, uh, expectation at all is gonna arrive you to peace because you don't have anything to really be disappointed or happy about when you never had the expectation in the first place.

SPEAKER_01 17:46

Right.

SPEAKER_00 17:46

You know what I'm saying? So it's it's not even about like chasing this happiness, like, oh, I don't, I want to be happy, I want to be happy. I just want to be at peace. I want to do what feels good to me. You know what I'm saying? I want to be respectful of other people around me. Um, I want to be able to help other people around me and not even expect anything in return. And so I when I was looking into what's like my attachment style, because my therapist had me look into the attachment style tiles, and I was uh I came to a realization that I am preoccupied, anxious. And basically what's that is because he told me what got him into even telling me about this is he was like, Um, even though you don't have bad intents for doing things for other people, the mere fact that you do things because you would expect them to do it for you is not good. Right, right. It's not it's not healthy.

SPEAKER_02 18:39

And so But whoever I'm not gonna say whoever just wants to do stuff for other people, but when somebody attached people that they only do things that they want to do, they don't do it with the intent to get something back.

SPEAKER_00 18:54

If they ever get something back, they're not mad about it because they're they originally did. I'm telling you, it's deep. It's people like this though.

SPEAKER_02 19:01

I can't imagine somebody like that I'm close to. No matter how close we are, if it's my mama, if it's you, if it's my sister, I can't imagine any of y'all ever wanting to help me move. But since y'all love me, y'all might come do it. But I can't imagine you wanting to do that.

SPEAKER_00 19:19

So where well that might be something that I don't want to do. But it's people that so that's the thing. It's about the person, it's about that person, it's not about you. It doesn't have anything to do with the other people on the other side. A secure, attached person is they're having them in mind, but they also have healthy, they operating out of that front. How she talked about you, they're not operating out of, oh, she must want something from me. She's asking me for something. They're not operating from there, they're operating from the front. They have the rational, they know how to rationalize, they know how to come to a resolution quickly, and they know how to articulate their resolution or their thought process. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 19:57

So it's not like or it could be like you said, they thinking about they they didn't, they're not even considering that they're doing it for me. They know they're doing it for me, but they're thinking about themselves, like, okay, so when I need somebody to help me move in in three minutes, no, no, they're not thinking like that.

SPEAKER_00 20:14

No, no, they're not thinking about, oh, that I could need somebody to help me later on too. No, what they're thinking is, oh, I either me, for me example. If you said you was moving, I'm not gonna, if you said you was moving, I'm like, oh, okay. I'm not moving off the fact that oh, I might need to say, hey, uh No, but what if I say, hey, Coco, can you help me move?

SPEAKER_02 20:34

I don't really got nobody else.

SPEAKER_00 20:36

Uh oh, well, let me so that person might say, Oh, I don't really like helping people move. I don't like packing large furniture. That's a secure person that knows what they can't. They're there, they know their boundaries. They know that they're okay doing, and they don't do things just because it might hurt somebody's feelings that they don't do it. They might help you come up with a solution. Oh, okay, well, um, I might help you borrow some money because I might not have a problem with helping you send loaning you some money. I don't like moving, but I might not have a problem with helping you some borrowing some money. Yeah, yeah. Oh, let me let's Google uh some moving companies so you can get moved. Right, right, right. But that's still not me moving shit because I don't like moving shit, and I'm not gonna move nothing just because I'm worried about how you're gonna perceive me or how you're gonna feel about me not wanting to help you. This is what I this is what I this is how I feel, and this is what I'm gonna do.

SPEAKER_02 21:24

Okay. I'm glad, I'm so glad you we talking about this because I just had an incident. I ain't gonna put no specifics on who it was in my life. I'm just a person A and person B. Person A needed person B, okay, at one point. Um, person A knows person B is gonna do whatever they need because of the relationship that they have to towards each other. But person A's personality is so self me. I know my boundaries, like you said. Like I I'm only I know what I do and Don't want to do to where sh she or he they feel like they can call on somebody, but when somebody is it's their turn to call on them, it's optional whether they answer or not. I don't think that you can be two, I don't both. I don't think you can be um what you call it, uh self, what do you call it, like self-aware, whatever secure, secure. I don't think you can be secure and needy because if you need somebody and they come through for you, I'm not saying it has to be a favor-for-favor thing, but you can't always be like, nah, I don't want to do that. I don't want to do that. Oh, but look, I do need you for something.

SPEAKER_00 22:41

But that's the thing. Sometimes, sometimes a secure person is not needy. A secure person, if you even if you need something, is not being needy, you have to also respect boundaries of other people. But the thing about it is you cannot, you cannot, so it's a such thing as being selfish. That's yeah, that's that's a there's a thing. But if you're secure and saying, oh, I have a boundary, I don't like doing X, Y, and Z, so I'm not gonna do that. That's one thing. But you are also you can't be a secure person that if that same person was to say that about you, you're gonna lash out and be like, oh, what is wrong with you? You don't want to help me, da-da-da. Then you take yourself out of that category of being a secure person. Yeah, you get what I'm saying? So it's how you interact with other people too that matters, your attachment to other people. Right.

SPEAKER_02 23:25

How do you feel that they're gonna make those too? Like it if it's yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So I I think a lot of people are they want to be that secure person, but they're needy. And so when it comes to them, it's like, yeah, I would hope people show up for me like that. But when it comes to somebody else, it's like if it's against my boundaries to show up for you like that, I don't got to. And I'm like, that is like that's teetering this. It's like, it's almost like a leeched relationship. Like you feel like you can ask for shit and and nobody can ask you for anything.

SPEAKER_00 23:57

But that's where it comes in, where you have to have a healthy resolve. Because having a boundary is fine. But having a if you're in a relationship with somebody, just like I said, if you move and I know my boundary is not to help you move, I am still your friend. I still need to see what my role is and how I can help you still manage and come to a resolve of what your problem is.

SPEAKER_02 24:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:20

Or give you a person that can help you come to a resolve of your.

SPEAKER_02 24:24

So being that you do care, it wouldn't be the draw no. No, it wouldn't be like, nah, I can't do that.

SPEAKER_00 24:29

And it might be it could be sometime, but all the time, maybe not. Right. It might be, hey, nah, I can't, I can't help you move because I have something going on, or nah, I can't help you move because I really I'm not good at doing that kind of stuff. Or it could be, but we can do X, Y, and Z because I'm your friend. I'm not trying to say no and I'm just figure out, like you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 24:49

That's where I think a lot of people miss the mark. Um, especially when we while we're learning about boundaries and stuff like that. People are like, oh, that's my boundary. I put that into place, they can't be mad. And yes, they can't, but I do think that like when you're dealing with somebody who is aware of their boundaries and somebody who lacks boundaries, you're gonna get one person that's getting a lot and a lot of the other person getting a little.

SPEAKER_00 25:10

And so whose fault is that though?

SPEAKER_02 25:12

It is the both. I to I feel like it's a little bit of both because being this self-aware, you ought to be, you ought to be aware of other people. You should be, but that's my expectation.

SPEAKER_00 25:24

But that's and and and your attachment style, maybe not. I'm not a therapist, I'm not an expert on attachment. That's my style.

SPEAKER_02 25:31

That's my expectation.

SPEAKER_00 25:32

Like if but you cannot have an expectation on other people. I know, I know that's what my therapist is. So that's a thing. So that's why I'm saying, whose fault is that? That if you talk about you dealing with a person that does have boundaries and have has uh uh articulated their boundaries to the other person, and then you're dealing with a person that doesn't have boundaries, you're you you'd have a problem if you don't have any boundaries.

SPEAKER_02 25:53

Right. You yeah, you are the I just think that being someone that is so self-aware of these therapy words, like boundaries and things like that, if you don't consider somebody else's boundaries, how deep off are it? Um how deep off into the city.

SPEAKER_00 26:09

How can I consider something I don't know that you even have if you know if you're telling me that person B don't even have them? I can't consider nothing that you don't have. That's not for me to consider, that's for you to make clear.

SPEAKER_02 26:20

You're you're right. You're 100% right. But we know when when it comes to like a, I'm not talking about like a friendship relationship. These are the friendship relationships are hard to kind of teeter. But if it's like your sister or your mama or your it's certain some, yeah, but it's some of these people you've been living with all your life. You so you know if I for your mama, if you left, or if you took one of her shirts or something, if that's something that make her mad, you would know that will make her mad.

SPEAKER_00 26:48

Right. But just like the therapist said, you could be saying, Oh, don't touch my stuff, da-da-da-da-da. But I'm not hearing that, or or I'm not or I'm not grasping it or seeing it how you saying it because you it's it's a way to set a boundary. And that ain't the way to when something happened, get mad.

SPEAKER_02 27:09

Right, get mad, yeah, wait till it gets to the blow-up state.

SPEAKER_00 27:11

Right. And so if I don't know that you, oh, you have a problem with me touching your stuff without you arguing. Then how I'm supposed to know, you know what I'm saying? So, like you have to take accountability, no matter how much you done endured in your life, how much you didn't experience in your life, you could have trauma, this, this, and that. It's for you like to deal with your shit. Like she said, it's you to deal with your shit. And and for you.

SPEAKER_02 27:35

It could be 50, 60, 70, 80. I don't care.

SPEAKER_00 27:37

If you it don't matter when you start learning it, but you if you don't take control and you're gonna continue to get done by it let person A, because of person A probably look, and the thing about it is person A probably not even a secure person. Just because you have boundaries don't mean that you're a secure person. So let me say that. Just because you have those boundaries and you're articulating those boundaries does not mean you're a secure person because you still obviously have some type of expectation for other people too.

SPEAKER_02 28:01

Right, right.

SPEAKER_00 28:02

So you could be teetering and tottering, secure versus preoccupied, anxious, too.

SPEAKER_02 28:09

Yeah, because like like you said earlier, um, you go into these therapy sessions and sometimes you come out and still you might be on your good days where you you holding them boundaries up, and some days you might be letting it slay by the, you know, by the wayside.