149. MyMaineBirth: Choosing Home Birth with Confidence, Hannah's Three Birth Stories

Are you a soon to be mom, a seasoned mother, or simply interested in the world of birth?  You’re in the right place! 

In this episode, we discuss:

• Home birth in Maine
• Hannah's Three Birth Stories  - from a COVID-era hospital birth with the midwives at Maine General in Augusta, to two powerful home water births with care from her loving midwives from MotherSeed Midwifery - we talk through fear, logistics, postpartum anxiety, and what it looks like to "lean in and let go" when life with babies gets loud and messy.
• We get into how birth shapes your confidence, your marriage, and your mental health
• ….and a whole lot more!

Hannah's Midwives - MotherSeed Midwifery 

Additional Resources you’ll LOVE…

MyMaineBirth.com

If you are ready to prepare for an autonomous birth experience, where you’re respected as the authority over your body and your baby…  regardless of where you plan on birthing -
CLICK HERE for 10% off  the MyAutonomous Birth self-paced, online course! 

Not sure where to start?  I’ve got you covered!  Check out my FREE resource, 37 Questions to Ask Your Care Provider.   Whether you’re interviewing new providers or have already established care, this FREE resource offers guidance on important topics to discuss with your provider.

Transcript

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Talking Through Home Birth Fears

Hannah 0:00

I had done a lot of research for home birth, so I was feeling really confident. My husband was a little, you know, I think he was just a little anxious, not knowing what to expect, but also feeling I think Rebecca did a really nice job at like prepping us and telling us what to expect and giving us all these different scenarios. And she was just really thorough in providing us the information we needed to know to feel good.

Angela 0:25

What were some of those conversations like with your husband when you're still deciding about a home birth? I feel like that's something that I run into when I talk with women and they're often sharing how much they really want a home birth, but sometimes maybe their husbands aren't totally on board and they're like, he trusts me and on some level also thinks it will probably be fine, but he's still apprehensive to commit to that plan. So would you mind sharing a little bit more about your process of talking with your husband about home birth?

Hannah 0:58

Yeah, no, totally. I I think the first few conversations were always those like, all right, let's just air out the worst case scenario. Like that's what everyone's mind goes to, right? I mean, even not just my husband, my dad, who I'm very, very close with, and we have family that we're close with as well, were really skeptical about a home birth. Again, it's like not, I think it's getting better, but they were like, What? Like, why would you want to do this? You know? So again, everyone's first question is always like, What if something goes wrong? So Rebecca did a really nice job of being like, Yeah, let's talk about that. Like, that is not an unheard of thing and it's a valid question. So, you know, my husband and I would I would ask him, like, what are you most afraid of? You know, I'm like bleeding out or something's wrong with the baby, or something's wrong with you and the baby, you know, what if it's taking too long, or what if they get stuck, or what if, you know, whatever his whatever was going on in his mind of like scenarios, we really did like run through those. And it was great to have Rebecca there with us because she provided us like the facts and like the reason and the logic and not just like your feelings. So we did. We like looked up, like, okay, how far away are the hospitals to us? When my second son, we lived in a different house, more in town. So we were inland was still open. So we were like a 10-minute ambulance ride, if that, but we we kind of like made those factors. We kind of like researched those factors. We kind of provided reassurance of like, okay, see, an ambulance will come, I will get in. Like, you know, we had someone to hang out with my daughter, if that was the case. Kind of like laid out all the logistical things. And I think once we started actually like assessing the facts, my husband responded to that and was like, okay, yeah, I could see. We're like, if this happens, Rebecca knows she's the professional, we will call 911, or we will get an ambulance, or we will bring you to the hospital. And this is the hospital we're gonna go to and they have all your records. And these are the different scenarios. I think we had some really in-depth conversations because I was GBS positive. You know, if I had a fever, like there was protocol that we had agreed to do, or if baby looked in distress, this is what we planned out to do. So, we, me being a planner, we did run through a lot of scenarios where we like went through step by step of what would happen. And then ultimately, I think my husband knows that I like being in control, and he is wonderful in the sense of listening to me and giving me, you know, supporting me in what I want. So ultimately, I remember saying, like, I want, I'm gonna do this. Like, I'm not gonna have another baby at the hospital. And honestly, having that confidence of being like, I'm going to have a home birth, it's going to be amazing, you're going to be amazing. We are going to have this beautiful experience. I think that confidence just kind of was instilled in him after seeing me be so confident. He was like, Okay, yeah, Hannah is really ready to rock this. So, like, I'm going to get on board too.

Angela 4:15

I'm Angela, and I'm a certified birth photographer, experienced doula, childbirth educator, and your host here on the My Main Birth podcast. This is a space where we share the real life stories of families and their unique birth experiences in the beautiful state of Maine. From our state's biggest hospitals to birth center births and home births, every birth story deserves to be heard and celebrated. Whether you're a soon-to-be mom, a seasoned mother, or simply interested in the world of birth, these episodes are for you. Welcome to episode 149. Today's birth story guest is Hannah. And Hannah is here to share her three birth stories with us. Her first was a hospital birth in Augusta, and her second and third were home births with love and care from her midwives at Motherseed Midwifery, Rebecca and Antonia. And for her most recent birth, I had the incredible honor of attending as her birth photographer. You can head over to my website, mymainbirth.com, to check out all of the photos that Hannah and her midwives gave me permission to share with you all. All right. Hi Hannah. Welcome to My Main Birth. Would you start by sharing a little bit about you and your family?

Hannah 5:36

Yeah. So we live in Bendon, Maine. We have it's me and my husband, and we have a daughter and a son, and then now another son that we just had.

Angela 5:51

Amazing. Now, yeah, now jumping into your birth stories, would you start by sharing a little bit about how you found out you were pregnant for the first time and what your thoughts were in choosing your care then?

Hannah 6:06

Yeah. My husband and I had been trying for

First Pregnancy And Care Choices

Hannah 6:10

a few months, and I'm very grateful that we only had to take a few months before we got like our first positive for that for my first daughter. Yeah, and it's funny because I was going, we were both going to meet some friends for drinks, and I was like, let's let me just take a test. I'm early, like it probably is gonna be negative, but like I just want to say that I took the test, and I remember like taking the test and putting it down in the bathroom and then going and doing dishes and like putting an outfit on and like really not even giving it another thought. And then, you know, I think my husband was probably like waiting for me, like, come on, come on, like you're taking forever. And then I quickly was like, Oh yeah, let me just like quickly make sure this test is negative. And it was positive. And so I was very shocked. I had that moment of, I think, how old was I? Like 27, 28, maybe. But of course, I was like, oh my God, I'm so young. I might as well be 16 and pregnant. Like, you know, holy cow, this is happening, you know. And my husband was like, you know, hey, and this is what we wanted. And, you know, like you're not that young. I mean, you're not 16. So it was just, yeah, it was like a very surreal moment, and we were really excited. And then, of course, like very giddy that night going to meet my friends and having to, you know, like tee, like, I'm gonna order a club soda, and just, you know, all the all the feelings. It was fairly cool. And it was actually 2020, yep, like the end of 2020. So COVID was still very much a thing. So as far as like thinking about care, there were a lot of like uncertainties. I knew that I had wanted to go like a natural route. Um, my mom had she had four kids, three of which one was I was a C-section, um, but her other three kiddos were all born naturally. And it was just something that I like really had wanted to do going into getting pregnant. I kind of knew that. But then to that extent, I didn't know like what else I wanted. And I think kind of a lot, there's a I think the answer when you seek like what to do is typically like, oh, you just have your baby at the hospital. So that's kind of what I thought I had to do. But I was grateful that I had known a midwife personally that worked at Maine General. So I did decide to do my care with the midwives through Maine General, which was a really great experience, actually. Um, I was really I was very like happy and satisfied with the care that I received in the hospital setting.

Angela 9:14

Yeah. So how was that looking like in 2020? Usually when you go see the

COVID Rules ... Change The Plan?

Angela 9:20

midwives, even at the hospitals, it gets less intervention, it's more smooth. But yeah, how was that looking like then?

Hannah 9:26

We still were very much having to wear masks. I also had really envisioned having a water birth. Um, of course, you know, like I had never been in labor before, and I was very understanding that maybe at the time of labor I wouldn't want to be in the water, but I knew kind of in my mind's mindset was like, that's what I want uh to try at least. And I had mentioned it like many times because you know, I like made a birth plan and I am someone that's very specific and likes things a certain way. And um I was reading a lot of like midwifery books, like the anime Gaskin books. So I just like had all these ideas and I really wanted to make sure that at the hospital setting they could still happen. Um, and I think about like halfway through my pregnancy, I was kind of like, oh, I don't know if I really want to do this in the hospital. Um, there's all these protocols, it doesn't feel, you know, warm and fuzzy. Um but also my husband was a little like apprehensive about a home birth for our first baby. He really had like no idea what to expect with that. So, an understandable, you know, as like a first-time dad, he was like, This, I don't feel comfortable doing this. We've never done this before. Now we're like halfway through. It feels like rushed. Now we would have to find, you know, all these different things. So it felt like we were kind of stuck in the hospital. Um, we did end up getting a doula that wasn't actually there for the birth. I didn't want that at the time, but she came over to our house and like ran through a bunch of really cool, you know, different like hypnobirthing and um different techniques and what to expect. And it was just kind of like a four-hour crash course and it was fabulous. It made us feel a lot better, but it also solidified that, like, oh yeah, I really had I had this before, I probably would have gone a different route. And then I think it was probably like around eight months of being pregnant. They at the hospital, the midwives told me, like, we kind of wanted to wait and see for protocols if they change, but like, unfortunately, you cannot have a water birth. And I was heartbroken. I can still like remember exactly the day and having the conversation with my husband, and you know, just being like, I'm gonna have it at home. I'm gonna have a baby at home. Like, I'm not going to the hospital. Like, this is what I want. I can't have it. And I called around to different hospitals, and everyone, I guess at that time, like the protocols with COVID were that like no one was doing water birth. They had said, you know, you can get in the tub and labor, but you cannot have your baby in the tub. I remember one of the nurses saying, like, we will ask you to get out of the tub. Um, and not in any like negative way, just that like that was like their hospital protocols at that time.

Angela 12:28

So still try telling somebody that's about to have a baby like what to do. Like, good luck. Yeah. Yeah.

Hannah 12:35

I'm just envisioning like crowning and then having to like step out of the tub. I, you know, I just was like, this is I'm not getting a good vibe. And I will say, you know, fast forward to when we had my daughter, we did. I mean, they were pretty adamant about my husband wearing a mask the whole time. And I had the mask on my face. I was kind of the same vibe of like, try to tell me to put this damn mask on when I'm, you know, actively in labor. But it was very, you know, like in 2020, and she was born in 2021, the following like six months later. But yeah, they were still pretty intense with all of their COVID procedures. Jeez.

Angela 13:18

Yeah. So wow, backing up then a little bit, like, so how was the how are things looking like those last final weeks and then days leading up to when your labor started with her?

Early Labor And Hospital Arrival

Hannah 13:30

Um, it was honestly kind of nice. I was working in a school, so I had she was born in July, so I had the summer off, and so did my husband. So we I actually have a video of me golfing like three days before she was born. Um I am someone that does not like to sit still. So I and I had the time off. So we just kind of went out and did things outside, and it was like the thick, hot summer. So we were outside like at the lake, and um, you know, I have a Peloton that I am like I swear by, and so I would do workouts every morning and just tried to like keep a routine and tried not to get in my head too too much because she was born at 40 and two. And again, I don't know why. Like the norm is I feel like as a society, we have to like remind ourselves more that babies don't typically come early. Because in my mind, especially as a new mom, I was like, yeah, I'm definitely having the baby like at 38, 39 weeks, like maybe 39 and a half. So I was very humbled when she came after my due date, which honestly, you know, 40 and two is still not that late. But in my mind, I was going a little crazy. So yeah, the first um, the last few days, I was really just trying to stay busy and not think about it. Um, and when I ended up going into labor um with her in the morning, I had like woke up at like 6 a.m. and knew that I had like started contractions. And my husband was a basketball coach at the time, and I had like woke him up. It was a Monday morning and said, like, I think you're gonna have to cancel your basketball practice. And um, you know, they picked up like quite a bit by like 9 a.m. I think like the 511 rule was definitely like happening, but I didn't want to go to the hospital, like I really was just like in that mindset of like, oh, like I want to wait to the last minute possible, so I have to spend like the least amount of time there. So I waited for quite a while, um, which you know, pros and cons to that. I think my husband was not loving that plan and was very much like, I want to get us to the hospital. But you know, we managed to go to the hospital and the car ride was not enjoyable. Um, I think all of the things like from my first birth shaped how I wanted the second and the third to go. So I I it's not like I still don't view it as a negative experience at all. Um, I actually was really pleased with the care I received and um the birth in general, but it definitely helped me to decide what I want and what I don't want in the future.

Angela 16:31

Yeah, that's so interesting. So, how did things play out when you got to the hospital?

Hannah 16:37

Yeah, so I got there and I I think was around seven centimeters. So they obviously like got me right into a room. I also like being adamant about this water birth, or at least like laboring in the tub. I remember like going in at that point, and my contractions were like really strong. I was like, holy heck, like this is intense. And the nurse was like, you know, like I come in and then I'll be right back. I'm gonna like get your gown and everything. And I I walked into that room, like stripped and went right into the tub and was like, I'm sitting here. This is where I want to be.

Stalled Labor And Epidural Decision

Hannah 17:15

Like she came back and she's like, Oh, okay, like, yeah, absolutely.

Angela 17:19

Go right in the tub. Um, yeah, I think that's so important to just treat the rooms at the hospital when you're birthing there as your own space. Go in, start the tub and fill it up and hop in. Like, what are they doing when you come back in? You're in charge of your own birth, you know, and yeah, 100%.

Hannah 17:37

And I will say, like, the nurses and my midwife, they were all so supportive. I mean, my midwife, we had like a rotating because there was like four or five midwives at the time. And the one I had, they were all phenomenal, but she was great. Um, and she kind of had known, I expressed very clearly what I wanted. So she was like, Yep, this is what we're doing. And my husband was also really just such a great advocate. He very much kind of told the nurses, like, this is what she wants, and like this is what she doesn't want, and like let her do her thing. Like, she's someone that just kind of takes charge. So yeah, I labored in the tub for quite a while. I think I got to the hospital around like 10.30. Um, and all things considered, I mean, my labor started around 6 a.m. and she was born at 420. So really it wasn't a long first-time labor. Um, but I progressed like pretty fast. And then in the tub, I remember being in there for quite a while. Um, and time just kind of escapes you when you're in like that mindset, obviously. But I remember feeling like, God, it's this is taking a long time. Like we just progressed so fast. Like this, there has to be some progress here. And so I ended up actually getting stuck at nine centimeters for over three hours. They we tried like the gas, which I did not like. Um, we tried different positions. I got out of the tub. We tried different positions in the tub. You know, the nurses, like I said, the nurses were really respectful about me not wanting any medications, like wanting to do this naturally. They were giving me kind of all these tips and tricks. And I think after, yeah, three and a half hours, I was feeling really discouraged about like why things can't keep progressing.

Angela 19:30

It's so hard because you broke the flow. Like when you're like, because labor is an altered state. Your brain waves slow down when you go into these altered states. Brain waves are going slower and slower as you're like progressing to the seven centimeters when you decided to don't come in, and then it's like you start talking to people and like answering questions and like in normal, you know, tones, and that's bringing you out of that like altered state. So that can slow things down sometimes, right?

Hannah 19:56

Totally, yes. And I really do. I mean, just even walking into the hospital room again, nothing bad about it, but it wasn't like home, it didn't feel like where I wanted to be. Um, you know, so yeah, I mean, I think I remember the nurses being like, Your body is just so tight, like you, you, your body is not allowing you to relax. And so I finally got to a point where I was like, okay, I I'm I I I'm tapping out, I can't do this anymore. I think it was like, I don't know, three maybe. And so I opted for an epidural and the anesthesiologist came, did the epidural, worked flawlessly. Um, I remember laughing after being like, why didn't I get this sooner? Why? Like, what the heck? Um, and the second, like the nurse came in right after the epidural and checked me, and I was at 10. And so she was like, Yeah, see, you know, your body just needed to relax. So I felt really discouraged. I for a long time like had to kind of process through my birth story just because I was so adamant about not having an epidural, um, just for my own personal preference, and then having to like accept that that was like the way that my birth story went, um, which was different, not bad, not good, just different, was um, yeah, it was just kind of interesting. And again, like after that, I will say the silver lining to having the epidural, um, I I had kept my eyes closed pretty much the whole entire labor. And so that moment when I was kind of pain-free, I was able to like open my eyes and look at my husband and like savor this moment of like, wow, we're about to become parents. Like, I'm about to have a baby. And I truly believe that I would not have been able to have that moment if I had not had the epidural. Um, I think it still would have been beautiful in other ways, but it was just really special to have like that connection with him before pushing. And then yeah, we put I pushed, we pushed, I pushed for like an hour. And then she came out. She was a surprise too. We didn't find out the sex beforehand. So my husband Jay got to announce like it was a girl, and that was really special. And after birth, the nurses

Postpartum Anxiety After First Baby

Hannah 22:20

again were just really nice about respecting what I wanted and like you know, giving me the time that I had asked for, you know, putting my placenta in a cooler so that I could do placenta encapsulation. So they did. They like really did honor a lot, almost everything on my birth plan.

Angela 22:38

Yeah. So how did your plus was your placenta birth?

Hannah 22:42

Um, it was fine. Yeah. Yeah. It was all it was really smooth. Yeah. I feel like I don't really it like it came shortly after Logan was born and no issues. Yeah. I mean, honestly, it it still was a really great birthing experience, especially being like a new first-time mom. I, you know, after processing it for a while, I I did feel like nothing goes 100% the way you want it to in birth. So I've learned. But it doesn't necessarily mean like everything goes like the things that you don't think are supposed to happen that way doesn't mean it's like the the worst thing. It's just a different kind of perspective to have. So I've learned to kind of shift my perspectives into like feeling really grateful for that birth. And again, that her birth led me to making the decisions I made for my second and third births.

Angela 23:37

Yeah. And again, like what you said too, like the epidural, like in itself, like isn't bad. Like if you need an epidural or want an epidural, like that's not a bad thing. The bad part is like when you're coerced into things, you know, that like you don't want. Absolutely. Yeah, and choosing that. And again, like kind of coming back into like the brainwave states, like when you're out of those brainwaves and things, you know, are slowing down and you're not able to get, you know, your body where you need to be, that can be a really helpful tool, like you said, to just kind of relax and help you do, you know, birth your baby.

Hannah 24:08

Right.

Angela 24:09

Totally. Yeah.

Hannah 24:10

Yeah.

Angela 24:11

So how was your postpartum with her?

Hannah 24:15

It was okay. Um, I'm learning to not just constantly be like, it was good, it was good, everything's great. Um, I had a lot of postpartum anxiety with her. Um, and being a clinical social worker, like being in the mental health field, I really went into birth and just like, you know, perinatal in general, all things, kind of knowing, thinking I knew what to expect postpartum. Um, and so I wasn't really able to label it postpartum anxiety when I was going through it in the first few months. But, you know, like I was having some pretty intense intrusive thoughts, more so than like the traditional baby blues. Um, I was like really scared to drive or to be in a car with my daughter. Um I, you know, was fearful of certain areas of my house and like what could happen. Um, I didn't like going to places like in crowded areas. So thankfully I had an amazing therapist that I had used while I was pregnant, just kind of dealing with some like pregnancy anxiety and just like lack of control types of situations. So she was working with me postpartum as well. And she really helped me kind of process through those things. But other than me kind of dealing with postpartum anxiety, my daughter was phenomenal. She was like a fabulous sleeper. Um, she, you know, I I don't really remember her having any sort of like, you know, some people will say colic or acid reflux or anything like significant. She she, you know, was great. Um, as first-time parents, I think we had a really nice experience with her. Um yeah, yeah, it was it was really nice.

Angela 26:12

Awesome. So now moving into your second story. When did you find out you were pregnant for the second time?

Second Pregnancy And Home Birth Research

Hannah 26:20

Yeah, so we we were celebrating my daughter's first birthday, and I kind of had that moment of like, oh, I think I'm ready for another baby. And I was kind of surprised because I, you know, a few months before she turned one, I was like, no way, I don't, I want her to be my only baby for a long time, and I'm not ready to share her, like share myself. And then yeah, I don't know, something kind of just switched and we were celebrating with family, and I kind of was like, all right, yeah, I think I want this to happen. And again, acknowledging that typically we don't get pregnant quickly. Um, you know, statistics will say that we don't typically get pregnant, you know, easily and um on the first try or the second try. So I was kind of giving myself some leeway of like, yeah, if we start around when Logan is 12 months old, um you know, that I wanted them to be about preferably like a two-year gap, um, was like my ideal timing. So I just said, like, why not? We're ready, let's start trying. And again, I say this like very, very, very aware of how difficult it can be for women and people to get pregnant and stay pregnant. We were so grateful that we got pregnant on the first try. And I was actually getting, we were all getting ready to go to Connecticut to my best friend's wedding. And um, I had taken tests like throughout the week and they were all negative, which again, I was like, okay, that's okay. Like it's our first go, like this happens. And I it was like a Thursday right before we were leaving, and I was in the wedding as one of her bridesmaids, and you know, it was a big to-do. And I took a test right before we left for Connecticut, and it was pregnant, it was positive. Um, my husband actually looked at it first because I was like, ooh, I don't know, I don't I don't want to look. And so he looked and he was like, and I was like, oh, it's negative. And he like flipped it around, and you know, it was really exciting. I think one of us was holding my daughter Logan. So then like she was holding the test. We have some pictures of like her holding the test. And um, yeah, again, it's just like those like special moments that I'm like, wait, will I remember? And then I'm like, yes, yes, I do remember that. I can like picture that day and like that time happening. So yeah, we found out like right before I think it was like August 18th or something, um, right before my friend's wedding. So again, fun times with being a bridesmaid at this gorgeous, amazing wedding. Um, and me having to with all of my family and all of our friends and having to kind of like dance around the like, why aren't you having a glass of wine? Or there's an espresso martini bar, why aren't you having one? Um, so that was tricky, but yeah, it was really exciting. And that pregnancy went fairly well. I will say too, with we didn't find out for any of my three kids like what the sex was. And for Logan, um, my friends and I all like love to play like the guessing game, right? And like all the wives' tales, and just it's just fun for us. And so we had all kind of guessed that Logan was going to be a girl based on like you know, all the silly symptoms of like I was craving sweet things and my belly was really high and the heart rate was high, and you know, all the things. Um, so with my second pregnancy, you know, my friends will say, like, you were carrying lower, and I was craving like things I don't typically eat, you know, like salty bacon and hot ham and cheese sandwiches and like Taco Bell, things that are like absolutely uncharacteristically me. So again, I had kind of guessed or thought that this could potentially be a boy, but my pregnancy was um was really great. I mean, I didn't really have any like morning sickness um with either of my first two. Yeah, everything was pretty like quote unquote normal, um, which I'm very grateful for.

Angela 30:36

Awesome. Yeah, so some of the things that you were not so big a fan of during your first pregnancy and birth shaped how you did things in your second. So what sort of things were you doing differently during your second pregnancy?

Hannah 30:51

Yeah, so I had known definitely like pre Logan that I looking back, you know, like hindsight 2020, I wanted to do a home birth. So the time between having Logan and then getting pregnant with my son, I was really like diving into research about home birth and what I wanted to do and like really trying to like curate my like, you know, my ideal situation and what I was was looking for. Um, so I did research. And again, you know, being in Maine, we don't have like a ton of resources. I think we're getting better and getting more um, you know, more awareness, I guess, to home births, but in my experience, it wasn't like widely common. So I did find my midwife, Rebecca, and reached out to her, I think pretty early on, just because I wanted to like make sure this could happen and like, you know, secure us a spot. I didn't really know how it all worked. So I reached out to her, she was fabulous. Um, and I started going to her for my like initial appointments. Um, I decided to do co-care, which I think also was a really great option. Um, Maine General at the time agreed to this. So they knew that I was gonna have a home birth with a midwife outside of the hospital. Um, but I still wanted to go to Maine General for like my genetic testing and my scans and my blood work. Um, and then they would just fax everything over to Rebecca. So they communicated really nicely. I still had met the midwives um just in case, you know, there was an emergency, I would go to that hospital and they would have some familiarity with me. But it really worked seamlessly. It was a really nice relationship between Rebecca and myself and Maine General. And so I kind of got to, like I said, I envisioned doing this and this it kind of really played out exactly that way.

Angela 32:55

Yeah. So this is 2022. Yes, 2022 into 2023. Awesome. So how are you feeling as things kind of progressed?

Hannah 33:08

I was, like I said, there wasn't a whole lot. Like I didn't have any huge issues or concerns. I think I had done a lot of research for home birth, so I was feeling really confident. My husband was a little, you know, I think he was just a little anxious, not knowing what to expect, but also feeling, I think Rebecca did a really nice job at like prepping us and telling us what to expect and giving us all these different scenarios. And she was just really thorough in providing us the information we needed to know to feel good. Um, so at the you know, up until the end, I did feel like really supported, really confident. I will say the wrench that kind of like it didn't really change anything other than like my mindset was that I did test positive for um GBS and I had tested negative with my daughter. And so, of course, you know, one of the things I really appreciate about Rebecca, and honestly, a lot of the midwives that I've come into contact with are just like the level of relaxedness or chillness when something comes up. It's not this huge, big event. It's not made out to be like this horrific thing, which feels really nice. And I feel like that is a difference that you get with midwives maybe outside of the hospital rather than some of the medical providers in a hospital setting. Um, so I, of course, was like freaking out. What the heck does this mean? Oh my gosh, like I'm not gonna get to the home birth, all the things, worst case scenario thinking. And Rebecca like put my mind at ease and like gave me the rundown of options that we could do. And I felt just like really supported and really at peace. And I feel like that was when I really started to just entrust that like my body was gonna do the right thing and to just like let my body do its thing, trust that they like that I know what to do, you know, like those primal instincts, and that everything was gonna work out. And like I had said, like my last pregnancy was super healthy, and up until this point, my second pregnancy was really healthy. There was no other concerns. So we kind of made a game plan of like what if scenarios and like what to do. But I really just kind of like relinquished control and like kind of gave up the planning in my head and just trusted like what's gonna happen is gonna be great. It's gonna be perfect, nothing's gonna go wrong, and it's just my body knows what to do. So yeah, I mean, other than that one small hiccup, I would say they're like his pregnancy was great.

Angela 35:51

What were some of those conversations like with your husband when you're still deciding about a home birth? I feel like that's something that I run into when I talk with women and they're often sharing how much they really want a home birth, but sometimes maybe their husbands aren't totally on board and they're like, he trusts me and on some level also thinks it will probably be fine. But he's still apprehensive to commit to that plan. So would you mind sharing a little bit more about your process of talking with your husband about home birth?

Hannah 36:24

Yeah, no, totally. I I think the first few conversations were always those like, all right, let's just air out the worst case scenario. Like that's what everyone's mind goes to, right? I mean, even not just my husband, my dad, who I'm very, very close with, and we have family that we're close with as well, were really skeptical about a home birth. Again, it's like not, I think it's getting better, but they were like, What? Like, why would you want to do this? You know? So again, everyone's first question is always like, What if something goes wrong? So Rebecca did a really nice job of being like, Yeah, let's talk about that. Like, that is not an unheard of thing and it's a valid question. So, you know, my husband and I would, I would ask him, like, what are you most afraid of? You know, like bleeding out or something's wrong with the baby, or something's wrong with you and the baby. Um, you know, what if it's taking too long, or what if they get stuck, or what if, you know, whatever his whatever was going on in his mind of like scenarios, we really did like run through those. And it was great to have Rebecca there with us because she provided us like the facts and like the reason and the logic and not just like your feelings. So we did, we like looked up, like, okay, how far away are the hospitals to us? When my second son we lived in a different house, more in town. So we were, and um inland was still open, so we were like a 10-minute ambulance ride, if that, but we we kind of like made those factors, we kind of like researched those factors. We kind of provided reassurance of like, okay, see, an ambulance will come, I will get in. Like, you know, we had someone to hang out with my daughter if that was the case. Kind of like laid out all the logistical things. And I think once we started actually like assessing the facts, my husband responded to that and was like, okay, yeah, I could see. We're like, if this happens, Rebecca knows she's the professional, we will call 911 or we will get an ambulance or we will bring you to the hospital. And this is the hospital we're gonna go to when they have all your records. And these are the different scenarios. I think we had some really in-depth conversations because I was GBS positive. You know, if I had a fever, like there was protocol that we had agreed to do, or if baby looked in distress, this is what we planned out to do. So, we, me being a planner, we did run through a lot of scenarios where we like went through step by step of what would happen. And then ultimately, I think my husband knows that I like being in control. And he is wonderful in the sense of listening to me and giving me, you know, supporting me in what I want. Um, so ultimately I remember saying, like, I want, I'm gonna do this. Like, I'm not gonna have another baby at the hospital. And honestly, having that confidence of being like, I'm going to have a home birth, it's going to be amazing. You're going to be amazing. We are going to have this beautiful experience. I think that confidence just kind of was instilled in him after seeing me be so confident. He was like, Okay, yeah, Hannah is really ready to rock this. So, like, I'm going to get on board too.

Angela 39:43

That's amazing. Yeah. So good. So perfect, perfect tips for other moms. Just if you feel like you can do it, just voice that, you know, and yeah. Totally. What you was on your heart.

Hannah 39:56

Yes, yes. And like listening to yourself, like listening to your gut. I mean, like I said, I felt very strongly walking into that hospital and knowing like this just it's gonna be okay, but it wasn't what my heart and soul like really wanted. So having like, I don't know, the courage to face that and honor that, and to just say, you know what, like I'm gonna do what what I know like my soul needs.

Angela 40:20

Yeah, so important because you really only get these experiences a few times, like in your life. Like these are moments that you you know are so important. And even just like to compare to like your wedding day, like you spend so much time planning for your wedding, all of these things, like the are the flowers gonna be perfect, the seating arrangements, all of these things, like put at least as much effort into planning for your birth. 100%. That is such a good analogy. Yep.

Final Weeks And Prodromal Labor

Angela 40:50

So, how are those final like weeks and then days leading up to his birth looking like for you?

Hannah 40:56

Yeah, they um they were great. I again was still at like working in a school setting. So his due date was like the 25th of April. Um, and I had him on the 23rd. So it was um, we had April vacation like the week before he was born Sunday, like the last day before we go back to school. I was on leave already. Um, I knew I wasn't going back, but you know, my husband was gonna go back to work on Monday after April vacation, had he not come. So we actually got to spend the whole week before just me, my husband and my daughter um off together the whole week. It was really nice. Again, um, I'm clearly someone that my due date is pretty legitimate and I don't have early babies. So um, again, I try to stay in that mindset of like babies gonna come when they're ready, but it probably won't be at 38 or 39 weeks. So I stayed really busy. Um, grateful that I had a toddler to keep me really busy. Um, I think too, there's something to be said about having a baby in the spring um in April. Like my mindset was just so uplifted because it was the warmer weather. We were getting outside more. We actually, um, like two days I think before my son was born, we went to Longfellows and I had my daughter Logan pick out a tree to plant for her baby. I mean, we know it was a baby brother, but um, for baby two is what we were calling him at the time. So she picked out a magnolia tree that we planted when he was born. And it actually started with my husband when his dad passed away. His uncles planted a maple tree in honor of him. So my husband had taken a piece of that maple tree and we planted it in our yard when Logan was born. So we kind of had this like tradition of like planting um a tree for each baby. So yeah, we went and picked out that tree, which was really exciting. And I think we did like a little gift. My daughter wanted to kind of gift the baby something. Uh, I was doing all my research in how to prepare to welcome a second baby and like what to do, what not to do. So I kind of immersed myself in that research. And again, it was just really nice to have that week off, just soaking up all that time with Jess Logan, because I think going from one to two, in my experience, my biggest worry was like, how am I gonna love another baby as much as I love my daughter? And I'm gonna have this immense guilt for spending time with a baby when I, you know, when I'm not gonna have as much time with my daughter. So I think it was really healing to have that week off to just like soak in time with her one on one right before he came.

Angela 44:01

Yeah, that's so special to have that time because it is. I think that's a big thing that comes up is you know, when you're having another baby, even if your older kids are are a bit older, it's like, how are you gonna split your you know attention and energy? But your love doesn't divide, it multiplies. Totally. Absolutely. So how did your labor get started?

Hannah 44:25

Yeah, um we actually had we had kind of thought maybe baby would come like on the weekend, just like right before my due date. So um for a few weeks, weekends, my aunt and uncle were taking my daughter overnight, just you know, in case it happened, and they also liked to spend time with her one-on-one and have give us a little bit of a break.

Fast Home Water Birth And So Much Joy

Hannah 44:50

So my daughter had gone over there um Saturday night, and we I'd had pro-droma labor um quite a bit in my second pregnancy, probably starting around like 35-ish weeks. Um, it would be off and on. Um, you know, it wasn't like super intense at the beginning, but enough to be like, oh geez, like is this really happening at like 35, 36 weeks? And then it would go away, you know, and around like 38, 39. It was happening like pretty often to the point where it was kind of a mind trip and just getting honestly quite annoying. Um, so I had had a lot of pro-drama labor Saturday night, um like the 22nd. So we went to a movie, um, and I had contractions off and on, like throughout the entire movie, to the point where I was like, ooh, like, do we have to leave? Um, but then they'd stop and then they'd pick back up. Um, and I was keeping Rebecca kind of just in letting her know updates. And she had suggested like going home and taking a bath and just relaxing. So I had done that. Um, still was having some contractions and then they had stopped when I went to bed. I woke up Sunday morning um feeling a little discouraged. Uh, you know, you get to that point of like, I'm gonna go to bed and hope that I'm waking up from really intense contractions. And so when I woke up like pain-free, I was frustrated. Um and yeah, they had kind of subsided. I again was trying to like stay in a positive mindset. Um I remember my husband was like, I'm gonna mow the lawn, and I was gonna go down and get some coffee at like a local coffee shop. And I had called one of my friends on the way, and it was probably like 10, 11 in the morning, and I was just saying, like, God, I'm having more contractions, but they're not consistent.

Angela 46:52

And this is just really Yeah, I feel like a lot of dermal labor can make you feel like you're gonna be pregnant literally forever.

Hannah 46:59

Yes, and I again that was something that you know. I guess maybe now when I'm openly talking about it, I found out more women have had it. But in when I was experiencing it, I was like, what the heck? No one prepared me for this. I was not really expecting this. I mean, of course, Rebecca was like, unfortunately, it's it's okay, it's common, like hang in there, you know. But yeah, I mean, I think there is something to be said about how much it can like mentally drain you. So yeah, I just was feeling really discouraged. You know, I remember like walking into the coffee shop and being like, Oh God, yeah, like I'm really having these contractions. But then, you know, they were not regular at all. So I remember saying to my aunt and uncle, okay, bring Logan back home. It's not happening. So they brought Logan back home around like noon, and we were in the playroom, and they kind of picked up to the point where I remember her wanting, you know, she wasn't even two yet. And she was like, you know, mama, mama, whatever toy she was playing with. And I remember feeling really irritable, like, I cannot do this right now. I can't play with you. I can't even like really look at you. And I looked over at my husband and I was like, okay, all right, like I need, I think this is happening. So my poor aunt and uncle had probably not even made it back home. And I called them and said, I think you need to turn around. I think my labor's actually picking up. And so they came back, and you know, by 20 minutes of them turning around and coming back, I was like very much in active labor. I remember being in the bathroom by myself, just like putting my hands on the vanity, like breathing through contractions. My husband was setting up our tub because you know, I was like very excited for my water birth. And my daughter, you know, I got to like say goodbye to her one last time before knowing the baby was coming. And yeah, I mean, that was probably at like 12:30, one o'clock. And my son was born at like 5:15 that afternoon or like early evening. Um, so yeah, I mean, it was a fairly Rebecca and I had talked about typically a second time birth could potentially be shorter than your first. And you know, my first was roughly 10 hours. So maybe, you know, five, six is a rough estimate. And sure enough, like it was pretty quick, probably about five hours, all said and done. So, did you get your water birth? Yes, I did. I immediately hopped in the tub. I um, this is like a funny little side note that my husband and I still joke about. We, you know, Rebecca gave us the tub to to use, and then you buy a tub liner to put in so that like you can just take out the liner and it's not like you're you're getting the actual tub. And so we had said like 25 times throughout like that week, like, yeah, just don't forget the liner. And sure enough, when I went into active labor and my husband, we had lived in an older home, so we actually had to boil water on our stove and heat it up, and then he had to like keep pouring it into the tub because our water just would not get hot enough. So I think he was preoccupied with that. And I was sitting in the tub at that point, like the water was like not very high, but but high enough. And he was like, Oh my god, I forgot the liner. And he's like, you know, should you get out and should we put the liner in? And I was like, no, absolutely not. Like the baby is coming. Nope, no liner. I'm sorry, Rebecca. I'm sorry to everyone else. Like, I'll buy the damn tub. I don't care, it's fine. And it was not a big deal at all. But, you know, fast forward to our third birth, I was like, don't forget the liner. Like, that is our main goal is to not forget this stinking liner. But yeah, I mean, my labor was fast. And it's kind of interesting when I was laboring with Logan at the hospital. I remember just constantly saying, okay, just like over and over to myself. My eyes were closed, and I just kept saying, like, okay, okay, okay. And that was like my mantra. And it was not what I had planned, you know. Like I had all these like cute little sayings and like ones that were a little bit more like sentimental and meaningful, and that's just like what came out. And I didn't really give it any thought. One of my midwives commented on it and was like, I just thought that was a cool way to process. But then unprovoked, that was like what I went to when I was laboring with Jet. My son, I just kept saying, like, okay, okay. And I know this mostly because Rebecca also commented, like, yeah, that's such a cool way of just, you know, like processing through and um like allowing yourself to kind of like let go, which I just think is really neat, like how your mindset goes to certain places, like consistently when you're having babies. But it was really a great experience, honestly. I dare I say, like picture perfect for what I envisioned. You know, there was really no issues. I labored and gave birth in the tub. I my husband got to announce the sex, um, you know, and everything really was perfect. I mean, it was just like a dream. I was really kind of like entrusting that this would happen. And this was like that confirmation of like, okay, your body does know what it's doing, and like you had this confidence of knowing things are gonna work out perfectly, and it did. So yeah, it was very wholesome, very emotional. Um, yeah, and I I mean I had that moment after of like, holy cow, like we have a second baby. Like, I just birthed my son and like in our home. And I'll never forget like just how much love and like support I felt after the birth. I kind of like told my friends that it felt like the midwives were like my sisters or like my

Postpartum Worries

Hannah 52:55

mom just like taking care of me, and someone like I lost my mom at 15. So it was just like very sweet and emotional in that way to be like these women are just like taking care of me and like of course taking care of the baby, but it felt more me centered, which I loved. I think not enough of motherhood is like focused on the mom. So it just felt so I just felt so supported, you know. It was really special.

Angela 53:22

Oh, that's amazing. Yeah, birth works, like more often than not, more often than not, birth works. Totally, totally. Yeah, how was your placenta birthed?

Hannah 53:36

Um, that was also I want to say it was in I think I had got out of the tub and like laid on my couch, and then the placenta was birthed like relatively short, like quickly after baby came and no real issues or anything. Like it was great. We did placenta encapsulation again. I also thought it was really special for my first birth. The lady who did our placenta encapsulation also like specialized in printing the placentas and like dyeing them, and she had this like really cool creative way that she did it. So I thought it was really awesome when I got my you know placenta printed for Logan that I wanted to do it for my son as well. So one of the midwives, Antonia, was able to kind of like stamp the placenta for me for both my second and my third kids. So now I have like all three of their placentas like printed, and that's just like a special thing that I am really grateful that I did.

Angela 54:42

Yeah, that's so sweet, so special. Totally. How was your postpartum with him?

Hannah 54:50

One to two kids really rocked me. He was uh tricky as a newborn. Um, I think he had a lot of acid reflux, so he spit up a lot. Um, and he was seven, one when he was born, so he was like perfectly well sized. Um, but I think, you know, kind of like theorizing now, looking back, my second son, Jet, was also an amazing sleeper. Um, like I know this now because of my third, that they were unicorn sleepers. You know, within like three weeks, they were sleeping like six, seven, eight hours um in their bassinet. So I think because of that, we were not sleep deprived, but his weight took a big tank because he wasn't nursing as much at night. Um, so he lost a lot of weight. He, you know, was in like the one percentile for a long time. And um I think Western medicine like focuses a lot on the percentiles, which is great for many reasons. But speaking as the mom, I was just really stressed out about those stinking percentiles, and that caused a lot of stress for me, um, fearing that he wasn't getting enough to eat, combined with him constantly spitting up and having really bad acid reflux. It was just not a great combination. Um he cried if he was awake, um, is what it felt like. You know, he was a great sleeper, but when he was awake, he was crying. So my mental health took a big toll. Um, I definitely had more postpartum anxiety, which I was discouraged at, thinking like I had it for my first and I knew kind of like how to tackle it and I would be better and like it wouldn't be as bad. And it came back and was like really, really intense combined with him just being a really tricky newborn. I just felt kind of like inadequate. I didn't know how to console him. You know, I think we've all been there with like purple crying and just like how do I console my baby? And I'm a second-time mom, I should know how to do this. While also just trying to tackle balancing a newborn and like an almost two-year-old. Yeah, it was just really tricky for me. I really kind of felt like I was put through the ringer. My daughter didn't quite understand, obviously, what was going on, and she was still like very much at a stage where she needed me, and she's such a mama's girl. And then also, you know, like having a newborn who needs to eat, needs to gain weight, isn't gaining weight adequately, like possibly has acid reflux. Like it was just kind of a whirlwind for you know, up until like 12 weeks after that point. It felt like things like drastically got better. Um, I feel like my son did all of his crying in that first 12 weeks. And then after that, I feel like he did not cry very often at all. So I'm very grateful for that. But yeah, that postpartum period I don't I don't love looking back on, or maybe you know, I shouldn't say that. I just it's definitely not hearts and flowers when I think back to that time.

Angela 58:04

Yeah, definitely. It can be a whole thing to navigate for sure.

Deciding On A Third Baby

Hannah 58:10

Yeah, totally. Yeah.

Angela 58:13

So how did you find out you're pregnant for the third time now? How much time had passed?

Hannah 58:21

So I don't know why these timelines are always like the trickiest thing for me. My son was born April of 2023, and we had found out that we are pregnant um May of 25. So, like two years had passed, and it's funny because we for like over six months before getting pregnant, maybe even a year, we were debating like whether or not to have a third, right? Like for us, having a second was like a no-brainer. We wanted a sibling, but then the jump from two to three, we really kind of went back and forth. We would call it like yes days and no days. And we would sometimes my husband and I would just look at each other and be like, it's a no day. Like, nope, we're we're good. Um, and we kept going back and forth. And you know, like I was trying to like logically make a decision. I would like research it and like ask people and do polls. Like I really was like really struggling with this decision. Um, and I think a lot of, you know, I found out that like a lot of women do struggle with this, or like not even necessarily two to three, but just like knowing when you're like quote unquote done. And I remember like a week after having Jet, I was like, there's no way I'm done having babies. Like, there's just no way that birth was too perfect to only have it one time. Um, and even after like I stopped breastfeeding him around like 14 months, I remember being like, There's no way I'm never gonna breastfeed a baby again. So in my heart, I kind of knew that we wanted one more. Um, but I wasn't like sold for a while. Um so yeah, we again um very grateful, very lucky that we started trying. And I had anticipated like this could take a little bit. Um, you know, I'm not naive to thinking like how hard it is for people to get pregnant and also like miscarriages, like those things unfortunately happen as well. So I just wanted to be cognizant and thought, like, let's just go for this. And like kind of the universe is gonna speak to us, is kind of my mindset of like what's supposed to work out. So we started trying, got pregnant the first time. I was very much not expecting that, which my husband will say, like, you know, why? We got pregnant really easily with both of our other kids. But again, you know, it's just yeah, very lucky. And I had taken a test the morning of like, I think it was May 9th, um, in the morning, and it was negative. And then I went to work and I was like really kind of bummed, mostly because like Mother's Day was coming up and my mom's birthday is the 10th. And I just thought like, oh, this would be really special if like I was pregnant and got to kind of like have this happy news when like sometimes I'm feeling sad on these days. Um, and now I'm gonna have my period and it's just gonna be kind of like miserable. Um, but again, I was like, no worries, it's okay. It's like the first month, we will be fine. And then I came home from work and took a test that afternoon. And then my husband picked up the kids and they like came home and they were all playing outside. And I like brought out the test and I hadn't looked at it yet. And I was like, okay, like I know it was negative this morning. I'm being crazy, and like clearly I just need to write a passage to take like 45 pregnancy tests before I can accept this. So then, you know, we flipped it over when we were outside, and the first one looked very negative, and then we had like a different test, and I like flipped that one over and it was like very clearly positive. Um, so yeah, we I was very shocked, and you know, it was just a surreal moment of like the last time finding out that you're pregnant, nothing beats that feeling. Um, regardless of how the feeling is, you know, like it's like excitement, worry, you know, you're scared, but you're it's just all the emotions at once is just so special. There's nothing like it. So I was sad that that was the last time I was ever gonna feel that. Um, but then, you know, grateful that we were pregnant and uh just like a special moment of like standing in our driveway. We had just built a house um a year ago in January. So we were like in our driveway of our new home, you know, looking at a positive pregnancy test with like both of our babies running around outside. It just felt like, you know, so perfect for us. Just very special moment.

Angela 1:02:55

That is such a beautiful story. Yeah. Oh, I love that. So what were your thoughts on choosing your care the third time? Yeah.

Hannah 1:03:04

Yeah. So I basically was like, I want a redo of my son's birth, um, which I went into it like jokingly saying that to Rebecca, but also like I really loved everything about it. It was perfect for what I wanted. If we could replicate that, that would be phenomenal. Um, so it was great in the sense of like I really didn't have things that I like didn't want. I did pick up like little things down the road, you know, where for one, I knew that I wanted a birth photographer, which is where you come in. So I knew that it was my last baby. I knew that I wanted to like capture these moments. That is something I I will say, like I wished we had more photos of my second son's birth. Um, we like my midwife's caught a few, but I knew like, okay, I wanted to capture that. And other than that, I kind of just was like hoping for a healthy pregnancy with no issues, no complications, and kind of just was going into it with like, yeah, I did this once before and it was perfect. So like my body can do it again.

Angela 1:04:07

Yeah. So how are you feeling around that pregnancy?

Hannah 1:04:12

Overall, I was okay. I think um, I don't know, I thought I like read or heard somewhere that like the more pregnancies you have, the more intense your symptoms can sometimes be. So I was really nauseous and sick for like the first trimester, which was very new for me. Um, I was exhausted, you know. I think having to run around with like a four-year-old and a two-year-old was really taking a toll on me. Um and in my first two pregnancies, especially with my son, my second pregnancy, I had horrible headaches. Um, I've had headaches like my whole life, but they were like truly debilitating. I would have to leave work um and like go into a dark room and lay down. I was nauseous and sick when I had them with my sonjet. So, you know, and it was it was really intense. I was really scared actually. One of my first like worries getting pregnant the third time was like, oh God, am I gonna have to endure those headaches again? Um, so the third time around, I was like, okay, I'm calling in like all the big dogs. So I did acupuncture from like day two to the end of my pregnancy, which truly for me was like a godsend. I really do think that those drastically decreased my headaches. Um and, you know, I was doing some OMT. I was seeing we did co care again, but with um Main Health in Belfast with um a midwife there that was phenomenal. Um, so it's kind of the same setup as before. I just had a different uh provider. I was using Main Health instead of Maine General. But I just had all these awesome. providers in my core. And I feel like that really helped my pregnancy. You know, overall though, I think I think it was okay. I will say I was very anxious throughout the pregnancy and ended up like seeking medication for my anxiety for the first time. Which again, I think there's a lot of stigma around medication, especially medication when you're pregnant. So I was like, you know, trying to look at it through a lens of like being really grateful that this pregnancy brought me to this decision to take this medication that drastically improved my anxiety and helped me to become a better mom, honestly.

Angela 1:06:42

Yeah, yeah, that's important to not like get stuck on ideologies. Totally. Yeah. Everything is like can be approached with each individual situation. Right.

Hannah 1:06:53

Exactly. Exactly. If everyone had that mindset.

Angela 1:06:56

Yeah, exactly. Like you might hate like the idea of using a certain thing like in some situations, but you know in some situations you might want it. So yeah, absolutely. So how are things looking as your pregnancy progressed?

Hannah 1:07:13

Things were, you know, really good. It was interesting being due in January. I stayed really busy with the holidays, which was nice to kind of keep my mind off of it. And again, um I was measuring a little bit ahead and I, you know, I'm kicking myself now for even saying this, but I of course went down this rabbit hole of like, hey, if I'm measuring ahead, I must be having my baby early. You know, and we ended up having like a growth scan to confirm that baby wasn't like huge. My babies were seven one and seven two. So I was very sure that this baby was not going to be like 10 pounds, but um the growth scan confirmed that that like everything was fine. Baby was measuring like right on track and you know should be around the same uh weight. So I think again getting into that mindset of like, oh maybe I'll have my baby before Christmas or maybe on Christmas and you know going through all these different sagas um just to find out that like they came at 39 and five just like my second son. And I will say too I had my therapist was really great leading up to the end of pregnancy I think just because like the end is really tricky and you know having more logistical things to plan out with like I'm having a home birth but my kids will they be here will they be at school they be at daycare? Who's picking them up? You know, what are we doing? And you know you have to run through so many different scenarios only to then accept that like you have no say in this and the baby's going to come whenever they want and you don't know. So letting go of all that control and planning is really hard for someone like me. So having my therapist um to kind of work through those things especially at the end really helped.

Angela 1:09:02

Yeah that can be so big to just like really let go of all of that like logistical stuff and just

Waiting Game And Letting Go

Angela 1:09:10

be like my husband will just figure it out when it happens like no like some moms can just like not do that. I'm like that's okay like if that's not your personality but and and kind of forcing yourself to do that is really going to help you prepare for labor like yes in those last weeks.

Hannah 1:09:28

Yeah absolutely yep yeah so how was that looking for you as things like as you got closer to your due date yeah I you know I was grateful for check-ins with Rebecca just like providing the peace of mind of like you know you're doing great and baby will come you know when they come and um yeah I think just I was having a lot of pro-drummal labor this time around too um so of course your mind was kind of like here there everywhere but I was really just trying to stay grounded and like you know my babies have come around their due date and we're not there yet and then eventually um like I remember I had a visit with Rebecca um Thursday morning and you know was just feeling kind of discouraged. I was 39 and five and you know I was like I did it to myself again thinking the baby would come early and now you know we're having conversations about like what if you hit 41 weeks and maybe you want to reach out to your other midwife and you know just having to cross all the T's and dot the I's but just having those conversations is sometimes can be hard because you're like no I you know I don't want to get to that point. So trying to stay in a positive headspace through all of that. You know and my midwife Rebecca after she had come to my house um like I remember her getting up and leaving and saying like I'm headed to a birth and thinking like I'm so happy for that person but also slightly jealous that someone else is in labor and it's not me. But like I'm laughing at that now because of course I went into labor um Thursday night. So you know like it is true that baby comes when baby wants and it was all like perfect timing for this baby. But yeah the last um the last few weeks like that is something I'm not going to miss about being pregnant.

Angela 1:11:31

Yeah so hard. Oh my goodness. So walk me through the day that you gave birth like how did that like day unfold for you?

Hannah 1:11:39

Yeah I mean I like I said I was having some prodroma labor for the on and off for like three or four weeks. So I was having some cramping um but nothing really significant. I mean like I said Rebecca had come and done like her weekly appointment and there wasn't really anything significant baby was in a good position um everything looked good but you know it was just kind of a waiting game. And thankfully I had been working from home that last week and maybe the week before too so I was just at home kind of like on my computer um trying to stay busy you know my kids are at daycare and my husband's at work. So I was just home um alone and you know I was getting outside a lot with the snow um kind of like acted as um like a curb walk type of thing. So I would get outside and we had a stretch there um where the weather was like super super nice like in the 40s right before I gave birth um like that week. So I was outside a lot just trying to like stay busy and um exercise. I had also done the mile circuit like every day that week um not a huge fan of like some of those positions but baby was kind of in an in a different position at the beginning of that week. So I wanted to try to like do anything that would promote them moving and also like maybe promote more labor. So I did do that um I didn't do it on Thursday but I'd done it the day before and I remember kind of just like laying on the couch and feeling crampy but again like not even like contractions more just like cramps but I was like okay like this could be something I texted my husband and was like all right like I gotta get out of the house like will you come pick me up before we go get the kids and I said you know like baby might be coming soon. Like I do have some like kind of significant cramping but nothing that I'm timing or anything. So you know he came and got me we picked up the kids we like went to the dump um we my dad came over that afternoon or that evening he brought us like ice creams like everything was really just kind of a day in the life of like a family of four, you know um and again my contractions I don't even know I wasn't like even really paying attention to them. I had seen something where it was like ignore your contractions until you can't anymore. So like I was totally fine. We visited with my dad we gave the kids a bath at like 6 30 and my husband had put my daughter to sleep that night and I had put my son to sleep. And of course because you know we're toddler parents when we put them to sleep we also fall asleep with them. So I was laying with my son Jet and kind of like awoke from to a contraction and was like oh like that's you know like that's Deborah and that's new. And kind of like got out of his room and it was like 845 at that point, um maybe even nine and I just kind of noticed like okay like maybe something's going on um and I kind of like came into our room and was talking to my husband and was like yeah I don't know like maybe I'm just gonna try to get some sleep. And so I tried laying down and I was like no I think these are like actual contractions. So you know I took out like my note app in my phone and like at 942 was like my first timed contraction. And they really kind of picked up from there. I had talked with Rebecca like in the months prior probably asked her about a million times like oh does the third labor mean like it's gonna be half of what the second was you know wishful thinking and she was kind of saying like it could be but it could not be the third is kind of the wild card. You really don't know what you're gonna get. I mean you don't know what you're gonna get for any of them but don't go into it planning like a really short labor. It could be like as long as you're first it could be somewhere in the middle you know and so I was kind of going in with it thinking like it's not going to be a short labor like it could very much be a longer labor. So you know 945 10 o'clock like my contractions were irregular but like seven eight nine minutes apart um my my husband was like okay you should call Rebecca and like to back up when I was in labor with my second son there was a point where he was like Hannah you need to call and I was like no no no I'm not I'm not ready like I just went into labor like I don't want to bother her yet like no no no no no he was like no please call and so I remember being in my garage calling Rebecca for my second son being like hey I think I'm like I am in labor but I don't think it's like super super progressing. I'm just letting you know and then I like you know had to stop and like have a contraction and she was like I'm gonna head to your house um and thankfully she did because like you know Jet was born I don't know like a few hours later so then now this time around Jay kind of knew the ropes and was like no no no I know how you operate like you don't want to bug anyone and you don't call and like you know with you and my two midwives everyone lived about over an hour at least radius from us and it was wintertime and you know icy back roads so I had like texted everybody in our group chat with you and my midwife and said you know hey this is like the update I'm having some contractions but it's nothing like immediate but I just wanted to give you guys a heads up um I had checked in with Rebecca around 10 and she had said you know wait until they amplify to that next level does that feel good that did feel good I said yeah absolutely and it wasn't you know it was like 30 minutes had passed and it was like 1030 and I had called her back saying okay yeah like they're progressing I'm about to get into the tub you know I can't really speak anymore they're they're pretty intense and I had texted you and the second midwife saying like Rebecca's on her way so I think it was probably around like 1045 11 p.m and I got into the tub and yeah my contractions were really close apart. They were like you know two three minutes and I knew like okay things are progressing pretty quick and my kids were asleep so I felt like that was okay. Um my husband remembered the liner so things were looking good and I remember using like a comb my daughter's comb because I had always wanted to try like the comb for when you're in labor and I never had to or wanted to before but I was also very loud having my first like being in labor with my first two um so I anticipated you know we had talked to my daughter mostly about her wanting to be at the birth and um I showed her births home births and said you know like look this is what happens and she asked questions about like the blood and you know all these really awesome experiences or ways to discuss birth in such a positive way. So that was also just like a side note that was like so special to me. You know what I would say like mom will be loud mom might roar like a lion um this is okay this is safe this is exactly what women are supposed to do when they're birthing their babies and I was really excited for her to you know in my head like see this birth I was really hoping that that would unfold that way. But again like we don't know when baby comes and baby decided to come at night. And so with them being asleep I felt like using the comb I was really kind of quiet um and not necessarily like on purpose but I just felt like I was in my own head and I just remember like thinking about like opening up and like my knees I just like wanted to really try to relax and the comb worked really well for me. My son Jet actually woke up while I was like you know it was probably like 1130 at that point and like walked by me and you know like my husband was like look there's mom like she's so strong she's having her baby and we tried to lay him down in our room that ended up not working. So he actually like sat with Jay right next to the tub and got to see the birth which is something like I will always be so grateful for like the fact that he got to see that and like see his brother being born is just like yeah it truly is like the best thing on earth to think about that memory that they'll get to have forever. And you know he was only two and a half but the just I don't know the energy and the positivity that comes from that that they'll always have together is just really special for them and for me to know that. But yeah, they sat there and I did my thing. My husband was great. His role is like the cloth guy where he just puts cold cloths on my forehead and um you know I think the third time around everybody knows they're assigned roles and Rebecca and Antonia knew what I needed and what I like like how I like to birth and I'm very much like no one needs to really bother me and I do my thing. And so yeah like it all happened really fast. By 1230 he was born and my daughter stayed asleep throughout the whole thing but like shortly after was able to see him like while we were on the couch afterwards. But yeah it was um it was amazing. I mean I birthed him in like less than three hours which is really kind of a crazy experience but yeah I mean it was very wild. I feel like pushing and having that experience was more intense this time around maybe because it was just like happening so fast. But I also tried to really savor those moments knowing it was my last birth that like when he did come out it was so emotional. One for me to be like holy cow I just did that but also to be like this is my last time doing that.

Angela 1:22:13

Yeah it's such a big deal.

Hannah 1:22:15

It's such a big deal like bittersweet yes I will say there was times where I was you know pushing and I guess like to transition right before you know I I always try to like start to kind of almost vomit and I know that like I'm close and I'm like right there. And I did get like pretty loud and vocal and I do remember having brief thoughts of like I am grateful for this moment that like I will never be doing this again. You know those bits and pieces of like the moments of doubt of like oh God what is happening? Why am I doing this? But those are so far and few between compared to like the whole experience and like when that baby you know you birth it and you pick it up out of the tub and put it on your chest like nothing compares to that yeah so you kind of so you caught him sort of right like your Midwest hands were there too but you were kind of is that how that happens yeah and it happened with my son too like I I don't know if I like felt hit Jet's hair or like his head but I remember like pushing him out he kind of like had that reflux like that reflex where like he came out really fast like kind of all at once and I like picked him up out of the water and it was really unexpected. I don't think anyone knew you know because I was in the water so I don't necessarily know like my husband didn't know that he was like coming out. So this time around I my son Jet was getting fussy and so I had heard my husband saying like maybe I should bring him next door to our family members and I was scared that he was going to miss. I knew how close I was but I couldn't really vocalize that. So I did say like head head so that like people would know that the head was like out and then yeah after I tried to like slow the pushing process down I had like kind of wanted to do that this time around. So once his head was out I waited a few breaths and then pushed out his body and I think I was almost like stunned. I almost think that Rebecca was the one to kind of pick him up from the water and then I kind of came to and grabbed him. But yeah I do remember like feeling his head and

Seeing The Birth Photos

Hannah 1:24:30

like pushing his head out and yeah I mean it's just it's so great how vivid those memories are.

Angela 1:24:36

I hope they stay like that vivid forever yeah oh my goodness well so what were your thoughts when you got the photos back from your birth I was very emotional.

Hannah 1:24:50

They were incredible I I think that there's just such like raw beauty in birth photos. They're like nothing else like they're just one of a kind and something that you'll never be able to replicate which is what makes them so special to me. And I'm a sucker for a black and white photo. So like you put in black and white and I'm like this is the most beautiful photo ever. But yeah I just think there's something raw and so real about those photos. And I loved that I was still able to express like all of my real emotion. Like you know the pictures like you captured were just like so raw of me you know really just letting out all my emotions for this like third baby and just like what I what we all had just endured I just think it's really captivating.

Angela 1:25:43

Yeah so special

Two To Three Feels Different

Angela 1:25:45

yeah you are still so freshly postpartum how is Jasper now Jasper is four weeks today actually oh today which is crazy yes yes wow so how have the last four weeks been for you honestly I will say that the transition from two to three has been so much better.

Hannah 1:26:08

I wouldn't say like easier but just in general um a lot of my friends that have three had kind of suggested that like two to three is better for a lot of people compared to one to two and I would strongly say that is the case for me. I know like my experience from one to two was really rough two to three has really been great um of course you know we have struggles um Jasper is not I'm not gonna say he's not a great sleeper but he's probably just like an average newborn sleeper. So he doesn't get a lot of sleep at night. I'm waking quite frequently to nurse him but he loves to eat he's gaining weight like a champ. He's doing so great in that regard. And I think you just kind of lean into the chaos with the third I'm very much like a new mom of three, but I'm just accepting that like someone will always be crying in my house. You know, we will be changing at least one diaper or way more than one but like one child's diaper for a long time. And you just yeah you kind of just like lean and lean in and let go. So you know I'm very much practicing like the house will be a mess and that's okay and the dishes will be in the sink and that's okay. And it's okay to feel a like cringe worthy that they're there. But it's also like okay to just not do them and to just like sit on the couch and snuggle all of your babies. And I will I will also say I think my Sertraline is definitely helping um with all of this chaos. You know like I am a clinician myself and I'm not naive to thinking that like we can't always like be perfect and on it 100% of the time and Me, like this was a like an additive fix that really helped support me in my mental health postpartum. So I find that like while my anxiety is definitely still present, it feels more manageable this time around, which I'm very grateful for. And yeah, I think um maybe like my kids being almost three and four and a half is also helping. They they are older, they want to help. Um, you know, they're a little bit more independent, which is great. So yeah, dare I say, I mean, you could ask me in a week and I will be like, what have I done? But right now, things are going really well.

Angela 1:28:42

Yeah, love that lean in and let go.

Hannah 1:28:45

Yes, I know. I'm like, I need to get like a bumper sticker that says that.

Angela 1:28:49

Yeah, you do, you definitely do. And you know, it's true. And when you're older, when you're like 80 years old, you're not gonna look back and be like, oh, I wish I washed more dishes, like instead of snugging my baby. Like Yes, yes.

Hannah 1:29:03

I know I was just two nights ago looking in my kitchen, and we have like an open concept home. And so I was standing in my like by my island, and I was looking over, seeing like my kids' play kitchen and all the, you know, like the train set and like the sensory tables and just all the stuff like everywhere, all the toys and the clutter. And I had this moment of like sorrow and grief, and that like this isn't forever, you know, and it sounds cheesy, like those videos that say that. Like, what do you mean this isn't forever? But like it really hit home that like this is such a short amount of time and to savor every second, you know. And even if savoring means like laughing when your kids are having an absolute meltdown or you're like holding your partner's hand, like we're in this together, you know. I think it just time is going so quickly and like having babies just like amplifies it. So yeah, trying to savor it all in any way that I can.

Angela 1:29:59

It really does, it's so true. It really does go so fast. My daughter decided a couple weeks ago that she was all done with her play kitchen, and I was like, No, I know.

Hannah 1:30:09

Yeah, no, you're not done with that. Oh God, what do you mean? Are you sure?

Angela 1:30:12

Like yeah, I'm not prepared for that moment, so I feel for you. Yes, just just play all the time. They ask you to play in the play kitchen. Yes, yes, right. Say yes.

Hannah 1:30:25

I know. I'm really trying to remember the like say yes more and use your nose for when like you really, really, really need to.

Angela 1:30:32

So yeah, finding that balance, you know, have yes yourself when you know you really don't feel like it, but totally, totally understanding it goes so fast, yeah. Oh, yeah. So,

Accepting Help And Closing Resources

Angela 1:30:45

as a final question, you've already given so many good little tidbits of advice throughout this episode, but yeah, as a final question, if you were to give advice to someone who's expecting or even new parents, what is one of the biggest things that you'd want to share at this point in your journey?

Hannah 1:31:02

I think accepting the help is a really big one. I am someone that struggles to ask for help. And I know as moms, like a lot of us are like that. But really accepting the help when it is offered, um, knowing like it really does take a village and that help looks different for everyone. But like if it's there, lean on it, you know. And then just like again, leaning into that chaos, knowing like it's not gonna be perfect and it could be messy and it can be crazy and it could look like wild, but leaning into that, just like accepting it with open arms instead of like resisting it and putting up a wall.

Angela 1:31:41

Yeah, love it. Lean in and let go.

Hannah 1:31:44

Lean in and let go. That's right. My new slogan for everything, honestly.

Angela 1:31:49

Seriously, that's amazing. Yeah. Well, thank you so much, Hannah, for taking this time to chat with me today and share your stories. It's been such a pleasure chatting with you.

Hannah 1:31:59

Yes, you too. Thank you for asking me all these wonderful questions. I really have enjoyed being able to share my stories.

Angela 1:32:06

Before you go, I just want to remind you, I have a ton of resources for pregnancy and birth. If you're pregnant, whether you're a first-time mom or if this is your fifth baby, I want you to check out the show notes because I have some free trainings and free downloads that you can sign up for, as well as the link to access My Labor of Love, a comprehensive, self-paced online childbirth education course. I created this course specifically for moms who don't want to be told what to do, regardless of where you're birthing or who you're birthing with. And I'd honestly love to teach you everything that I know so that you can prepare for an autonomous birth experience and prepare to step into your role as the leader of your birth journey. So, click to the show notes, check out all of those links, and if you ever have any questions, feel free to DM me at my mainbirth over on Instagram.