MyMaine Birth

155. The Free Birth Society Scam: Keely returns to share her sixth birth story

• Angela Laferriere • Season 4 • Episode 155

Share episode

Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.

0:00 | 59:47

Welcome And Guest Introduction

SPEAKER_03

And I kept reminding myself, like, this is not, you know, like a totally wild pregnancy. Like I used a Doppler. I had been evaluated by a midwife. I had a 20-week anatomy scan. Like we were not just like going in with like blinders on. Like I knew 100% my baby was head down. Like I, you know, was really diligent about keeping track of movement. And my husband was pretty diligent about tracking my blood pressure. I tested my blood sugar a few times in the third trimester. Like, so I kept reminding myself, like, this, what we're doing, it is not that. Like, what we're doing is not all of all of like the crazy dogmatic stuff that was coming out of, you know, like the Free Birth Society. So I had to keep reminding myself of that and just like kind of kept chugging along.

Angela

I'm Angela, and I'm a certified birth photographer, experienced doula, childbirth educator, and your host here on the My Main Birth podcast. This is a space where we share the real life stories of families and their unique birth experiences in the beautiful state of Maine. From our state's biggest hospitals to birth center births and home births, every birth story deserves to be heard and celebrated. Whether you're a soon-to-be mom, a seasoned mother, or simply interested in the world of birth, these episodes are for you. Welcome to episode 155 of My Main Birth. Today's birth story guest is Keely. Keely and I met for the first time in the fall of 2024 when we had both enrolled for the Free Birth Society's then Matribirth Midwifery Institute. Keely shared her first five birth stories back in episode 123 of the podcast and a little bit of her current pregnancy. And today she is back to share the full story of her sixth baby. All right. Hi Keely. Welcome back to My Main Birth. Hey, how are you? So you shared your first five birth stories back in episode 123, and also your experience with the Free Birth Society's Match-A-Birth Midwifery Institute. So for anyone that wants to hear your full story, go check out episode 123. But for anyone that hasn't heard that episode yet, would you start by sharing a little bit about you and your family? Sure.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, me and my husband, we have six children, and five of them were born at home. Um, we're both nurses, and I don't know, we're just have always, I mean, just since my first pregnancy was not super interested in being part of the traditional OBGYN labor and delivery model of care.

Sixth Pregnancy And Care Decisions

SPEAKER_03

And um yeah, we live in the mountains in New Mexico and we homeschool all our kids, and it's just kind of always a circus here.

Angela

Amazing. So start by sharing like how you found out you're pregnant for the sixth time and like what your thought was in choosing your care at that time.

SPEAKER_03

I found out that I was pregnant in March of 2025, and um, it wasn't like a surprise. Um, we weren't really trying, but we weren't preventing. And I was in the MMI program. So going into it, I was planning on having a free birth, but really with just within just a couple of weeks of finding out I was pregnant, like everything there just kind of seemed to unravel. And uh that like brought a lot of doubt into everything. And my husband was not on board with a free birth at all. He was like, You need to call, um, you need to call Jamie. That's the name of the midwife who had taken care of me through all my other pregnancies. And uh, like that that's what's happening. Um, and I kind of like in the first initial weeks that I knew, I was like, I'm just gonna not, I'm just gonna, he'll he'll come around. Um, and then like as everything unraveled at MMI, I I also started having a lot of doubts about having a free birth.

Angela

Because of the things that were going on with MMI, like that he was overhearing, was that why he was having those thoughts initially?

SPEAKER_03

No, I he was never like super into the whole MMI thing to begin with. He I guess I mean like he supported me, he ended up supporting me and doing it. Um, but from the beginning, he was not like a fan of not a fan of it. He was, you know, not a hundred percent on board. So yeah.

Angela

Yeah. So then you called your midwife that you add for your first births.

SPEAKER_03

Yes. And in between whenever my last baby was born and now in March of 2025 or April of 2025, she had retired and not renewed her license. And I was like, Oh, well, I don't care if you have a license, that's fine. Like, just come on over anyway. And she was like, uh no. Oh, I will not be doing that. So not that directly. Um, but me and her talked pretty extensively over the phone, and I pretty much told her, like, partly trying to guilt trip her, and you know, I was pretty much like, if you don't come, like I'm gonna do it by myself. And she was like, Oh, well, you can totally do it by yourself. She was like, I don't think at this point, you know, the way your births have gone, I don't think that it's gonna make your birth any safer having a midwife there. Like, I think you and Pablo, you know, you've done it enough times and you know enough that I don't think you really need anybody there.

Angela

Um, so hearing at the same time. So was that like just so you said you unenrolled from MMI April 1st? So you found out you were pregnant March as everything's unraveling, and then April 1st you unenroll. Was that like kind of right before you had unenrolled? Did you have that conversation with her? And like how was it hearing that after like kind of like going back and forth, you know, because that must have been hard, hard.

SPEAKER_03

Yes, like just kind of like a lot, like just like a roller coaster, right? It was like I was so sure I could do it, and then there's all this doubt, and it's like, oh well, maybe this is a horrible idea, and I've just been sucked into like this super dogmatic thinking, and like I just need to get a midwife, and you know, just and then yeah, it was like no, you can totally do it on your own, you're fine.

Angela

I won't make your birth any safer, like yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03

So it was just like I really didn't know what to do. Yeah, um, I did end up actually interviewing a couple of more midwives, and just it just it just I just didn't really click. Like they the one midwife was actually really cool, and I really liked her as a person, and she told, you know, she even told me when I'm ready to get back into birth work that she would love to have me apprentice with her. And so it's like it's not that like I didn't like the other midwives, it's just like it didn't feel right. Um I just kind of was like, I guess, you know, I didn't hire anybody um and just kind of kept chugging along through the the, you know, the first trimester. I wouldn't have seen anybody anyway. My midwife never came out till around 12 weeks, 13 weeks. So I didn't, I was like, I can just kind of sit with this for a couple of months and and then figure something out as things progress. And probably about the halfway mark, I still was just kind of, I still hadn't I still hadn't fully decided what I was gonna do, but I had I wasn't I hadn't hired anybody, wasn't having care. And my old midwife is also a nurse practitioner, and she was able to write me a script for an anatomy scan. So I was able to get an an anatomy scan, so I knew that like every all the major parts were there, there wasn't any major complications, so that made me feel uh more comfortable to kind of just keep doing what I was doing. And I think maybe that was around the time we talked last. Maybe I don't know.

Angela

I think it was just after you got your anatomy scan, like a couple weeks after that we yeah, we we chatted.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, so at that point, like I was planning on just continuing to have an unassisted birth unless something happened and I felt like a strong pull to do something differently. Um it was a hard pregnancy. Um, I know I had told you and was still recovering last time from whooping cough. That just like totally zapped all of like all of my stores. I was just exhausted the whole time. I had like just no energy, even you know, through the second trimester,

Midwife Retirement And Going Without

SPEAKER_03

whenever you're I've usually felt well, um, just exhausted, not able to physically do much. I I um just like really short of breath. Um, and like probably around 30 weeks, I started getting a little bit freaked out because I was so short of breath and um like just so drained. I literally was like, this is what it feels like to slowly die. Like, and so at that point I reached out to my old midwife again, and she um and I had some lab work done and she reviewed my lab work for me and just came out and visited me and checked on me and checked on the baby. I think by the time she got around to coming out here, I was like 33 weeks. So she came and um just like felt for position and you know, I don't know, pretty much just talked me out of my panic and was like everything's fine. Um, so that felt good to have like a little bit of reassurance that like everything was still going well. Um, as I started to like get towards the end of my pregnancy.

Angela

Yeah, having that presence of reassurance can really make such a big difference in your mindset.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, yeah, just to like have her say, yeah, like the baby's head down, the baby sounds great, you know, the flip feels good, the baby feels like it's the right size, like everything's fine. And I don't know, that was reassuring. That was, you know, I I needed that at that point. Um, and then she was kind of like after she came out, she was like, Well, I guess if you decided you wanted me at your birth, like you could call me. And if I was at home or whatever, I I maybe would come. And I was like, Okay, so like that also felt good to like know that if something came up, I could call her. So I definitely was not alone in this pregnancy. Like, there was not a traditional model of midwifery care, but I definitely had some midwifery type care in my pregnancy from her, which I really appreciated. And when she was out, I think it was like 33 weeks, she visited me the first time, and then she came again. I don't know, maybe I was like 37 or 38 weeks. She came out just to visit me one more time, and just, you know, I mean, really didn't do anything, but was just there to like, you know, talk me through, you know, those last-minute little fears and things that crop up. And my big thing, my last two births were really fast. Um, like I said, we live in the mountains and my husband works in town. So I was worried about him missing the birth. I was like, oh, like what if I go into labor and you know, I call him and he just doesn't make it home, right? Uh, and I was just worried about having the baby by myself at home with five, you know, small kids. Um, I was worried about that. And then just physically the pregnancy was really, really hard. But also just like spiritually, emotionally, I just feel like there was like just oh this sounds so bizarre, but there was just like some darkness that came out of like all of that stuff that MMI that I just feel like latched on to me while I was pregnant, and it was just like so hard to shake. I didn't do anything to get ready for this baby. I was not convinced that I was going to have a live baby. I just on some like in some weird subconscious place, like I did not think that my baby was gonna live, or that maybe it was like just like some kind of preoccupation with death, like either me, like either I was gonna die, or my baby was gonna die. And I don't know, just really bizarre. So it was just it was a it was a really dark pregnancy. And so then I I was worried about my baby, you know, my husband not being at the birth, and then like my baby being born dead. And I was, you know, afraid that I was gonna have to do all that by myself with you know my other kids at home. Just me and them. And, you know, so I had talked to her like a little bit about what if the baby comes out and the baby doesn't breathe. Because in my fifth birth, the midwife didn't make it to the birth, and he did come out very blue, and it took it took a little bit for him to start breathing. So I was worried about that happening again, except for just like not like the baby wasn't gonna start breathing. So, you know, we like kind of talked through some of those fears when she came out, but that didn't, you know, like there's only so much that you can talk about in like if your baby's already dead, I mean there's there's only you know, like there's not anything that you can really do, right? So it's like I was talking to her and trying to make it sound like not that crazy, like not like I think I'm gonna have a dead baby, but like, what if it's just not breathing, right? So, you know, we talked, you know, she just kind of talked me through a few things and you know, the importance of leaving the cord intact and like if you can feel a pulse in the cord, like the baby's getting blood, the baby's getting oxygen, it's fine. You have quite a bit of time, and you know, just trying to reassure me that it would all be that it would all be okay and that the baby would breathe. So we we talked about

Exhaustion And Dark Pregnancy Fears

SPEAKER_03

that a couple of I don't know, a couple of weeks before my due date.

Angela

Did she ever suggest like anything to have on hand for the birth, like as far as that goes, like maybe a stethoscope or an amboo bag?

SPEAKER_03

She didn't. I had gathered like some herbal things to have on hand, and she was she was like, okay, that's great. She did offer to to help us get a couple of vials of Pitocin, but I was like, I don't think we really need that. So we didn't end up end up doing that. I mean, being nurses, like my husband would know how to give an IM injection if that was something that we decided was needed, but we just had had some herbs. And I'm I'm blanking on what what I ended up getting. I think maybe Shepherd's purse and Angelica. Um and there was one other one, and I can't remember off the top of my head. So yeah, I definitely had three. I'm like, there were three bottles, and I don't can't remember the third one. So it was just I had um like just through a big part of the pre like a lot of the pregnancy, I just really had to sit in the darkness, like spiritually and emotionally, and just like really surrender to my faith. I just I spent a lot of time in prayer and just like you know, like God please like you know, not like take these thoughts from me or don't let this happen, but just like be with me, I guess, like whatever the outcome of this is all gonna be. So spiritually and emotionally, it was a really, really dark season. And it was really it was it was hard, and I'm like that's good and bad, right? Like I feel a little gypped, like this is I mean, unless like there is a miracle from God, I'm not planning on having any more kids. Uh my husband's getting a vasectomy. So this, you know, that was my last pregnancy, hypothetically, supposedly.

Angela

He did not go once though. Remember, that was part of your first one. You're like, he didn't go, and then we had or something, right?

SPEAKER_03

Yes, so he hasn't gone yet, but he is supposed to, so we'll see. And I feel like a little gypped, like my last pregnancy wasn't, you know, like it just wasn't it was super uncomfortable, just like in every possible way. Um, so I feel a little dipped by that, but like also in those hard seasons, there's a lot of room for for growth. So another, so I'm trying to think. Those were those were like my two big fears.

Angela

Tying this in with like MMI and the Freebird Society, like experience that we had, like, and those being some of your fears, like we had talked, and then right after those episodes came out, it was Emily had announced what happened to her baby, also on top of all of the other like articles that came out about all the other things that had been going on in the community, too. So, like, was that contributing?

SPEAKER_03

Oh, that like totally contributed. Um, I like had to just really try to like just step away from like I I had to just like really step away from a lot of that because it was just really compounding like all of the fears that I was already experiencing. And I don't think that like I didn't want to make a decision out of fear, so like I don't know, like I didn't want all of this fear that I felt make me make a decision that wasn't like really in alignment with what I wanted and who I am, right? So it's like all of this stuff is like just like all of it felt like all of this outside stimulus is like pointing me to like not have a free birth or an unassisted birth, or like, you know, like this is not safe. Like I have all of the like all of these red flags coming up everywhere telling me don't do this. And then like all of like these, you know, really morbid dark thoughts on top of that. But I really did just feel like at peace with my decision. Um, like I I did know, like I just like felt like this deep knowing that like we were doing, we we were doing the right thing, like we were on the right path, and I didn't want all of like I didn't want to make a decision based on fear. And I felt like we had enough, like this was not, and I kept reminding myself like this is not you know, like a totally wild pregnancy. Like I used a Doppler, I had been evaluated by a midwife, I had a 20 week anatomy scan, like we were not just like going. With like blinders on. Like I knew 100% my baby was head down. Like I, you know, was really diligent about keeping track of movement. And my husband was pretty diligent about tracking my blood pressure. I tested my blood sugar a few times in the third trimester. Like we're both we're both nurses. So we're like kind of we both went to nursing school really young. So like it's just kind of part of the mindset, right? Like even if you're not super into the whole Western medical system, which we're not, it's hard to, it's hard to totally break free whenever it's so ingrained. So it's like we have a lot of we have a lot of that background and knowledge to lean on to because you know there is some good in in all of in all of that.

Angela

Yeah, nothing so I kept reminding.

SPEAKER_03

Yes. So I kept reminding myself like this, what we're doing, it is not that. Like what we're doing is not all of all of like the crazy dogmatic stuff that was coming out of you know, like the Freebirth Society. So I had to keep reminding myself of that and just like kind of kept chugging along.

Angela

How far away from the hospital are you in case there was an emergency?

SPEAKER_03

We're about 30 minutes. So not I mean, not super close, but not terribly far. No, but if there was like a true emergency, even if we had a medical midwife here, I mean 30 minutes. I mean, I don't think that we probably would have very good results in a true emergency either way.

Angela

Right, because they're just gonna be calling the ambulance, also, just like you could do if you're like recognizing these things. Yes. So how are things looking as you're getting into those final few weeks and then days leading up to when your labor started?

SPEAKER_03

Well, I this is like really lame and kind of a tangent, but I took up quilting late in my third trimester, and I swear that like kept me sane because it like gave me something to do to take my mind off of like all of that noise. So I started quilting and I just like quilted like crazy. I like quilted for hours a day. I was like, I'm just gonna make blankets and I wouldn't think of nothing else. Like, I'm just gonna start blocking this out. That's like one of the only things I did is I uh to prepare for this baby is I made I made a quilt, but you can you can like kind of see part of it behind me.

Angela

Oh, it's beautiful and what an amazing thing to you know do for yourself to just like find a hobby, like at that point, right?

SPEAKER_03

Yes. I'm like, gosh, I should have done this in all of my pregnancies because it like really it just like gave me an outlet to like take my mind off of stuff. Like I wasn't worried about like, oh, was that a contraction? What was that? What you know, like I was not even thinking about it. I was like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna quilt, I'm gonna sew. And I like I said, I just didn't really have anything together. My last, so my fourth and fifth babies came at 40 weeks and 40 weeks and a few days. So I was not like I did not, none of my babies have been early. So I was um, you know, I had kind of like gotten to the mindset that I was going to that I had a while to go. So I I wasn't I like was settling in for the long haul, right? Like I figured I would maybe go as far as like 41 weeks, and I had kind of talked to um my old midwife about how I wasn't really

Quilting As A Mental Lifeline

SPEAKER_03

comfortable going any further than that. So I had talked to her about getting an herbal tincture from her if I went, if I made it to 41 weeks. Cause I just just with just like all the talk about stillbursts and stuff, I was just like, I'm not, I'm just I don't have I don't have the mental capacity, the mental and emotional capacity to like be having all of these thoughts and be going super post dates. So, but I was pretty, pretty ready and you know, pretty like just knew that I was gonna at least go to my due date and probably further. And so I had nothing ready. My house was totally trashed because I had been doing nothing but quilting. And uh my due date was the day after Thanksgiving, and I went to bed on November 19th, which is also my birthday. And I my me and my husband had like a little spat about the house being so dirty, and I was like, just stop. Like, you're gonna put me into labor with all this stress about the house being dirty, and so I like went to sleep and I woke up a couple of hours later and I was like, Am I having contractions? What on earth? Like, I am only like 39 weeks. This is not even possible for me to be in labor. Like, it's literally not even possible, but it was so I like kind of laid in bed for an hour and a half or so, and I was like, Okay, like this is this is it. Um, this is so bizarre because uh, like literally every other pregnancy, I've spent like weeks agonizing over like when I'm gonna go into labor. And like my last two definitely had prodromal labor for a couple of weeks leading up to the big day. And it was just like right away, I just like knew that I was in labor. And I was like, oh my gosh. Okay, so we're doing this today. And my house was totally trashed. Our washer and dryer had broken earlier in the week, and that the the evening before I went to labor, my husband had taken the old washer and dryer outside, and we were supposed to be getting a new washer and dryer delivered the following day. So we're a family of seven. We don't have a washer and dryer. The house is literally totally trashed. I have nothing set up. I did buy a birth pool, it's still in the box, haven't even opened it. So I wake my husband up a little while later and I told him I was in labor, and I was like, sure, and that he should blow up the pool because my previous two labors have been so fast. So he went to go blow up the pool, and it was like raining outside, but we we wanted to blow it up outside because we didn't want like the air compressor to wake up our little kids. So he's outside in the rain, blowing up the pool, brings it in, and it has a hole in it, so it's like not staying inflated, and so that's just you know, that is what it is, and he starts like he stays up with me for a little while, and around six, I don't know, so I guess I woke up at 2 a.m. and mainly just like stayed in bed and tried to rest till around 6 a.m. but didn't really sleep. And around 6 a.m. we kind of switched spots and he went to bed and I like woke up for the day and was like, okay, this is really happening. I really need to like wrap my head around this, I guess. And um I called my my best friend was gonna come out for the birth. She lives in Tennessee, and she was supposed to fly in the following Monday, which was like, I don't know, four or five days before my due date. But I went into labor on the Thursday before she was supposed to come. So I called her to tell her that like it was happening, and she was like, Are you sure? And I was like, Yeah, I'm I'm sure. So she started like seeing what she could do about flights and stuff. And I so, so just like up to that point, like I just feel like already like one of my fears was soothed because I knew my husband was gonna be there. Like, I went into labor in the middle of the night. Well, actually, two, because I was also a little bit worried about going post-dates and like being all in my head and freaked out about the risk of still birth rising and whatnot. So I went into labor early, and so I didn't have to worry about that. And also my husband was there. So like I was feeling pretty relaxed. I feel like once labor started, I was just like, okay, we're you know, I didn't have a lot of fear, and my baby was moving a lot. Um, like from the beginning, she just she moved all the time, and I was just like, that was just like such a blessing. I was like, okay, like she's okay, I'm okay, we're all good. And so that was really that was so reassuring, especially like just with all of just with all of the horrific thoughts that I'd had, like, in the weeks leading up to everything. It was just such a relief to like have those constant reminders the entire time I was in labor that like she was okay. So I was expecting a really fast labor, and stuff just like didn't seem to be progressing. Like my contractions were really intense, and like I knew that this was it. Like, I was never like really doubting that like I was in labor, but they never really got a lot closer together, like even probably 45 minutes to an hour before she was born. Like, I was having some contractions that were like 15 to 18 minutes apart, but they were super intense, and I was like, what on earth is this? Like, I I woke up around two in the morning and I didn't have her until 3:45 or 3:30, I don't know, sometime the next afternoon. And like most of that was fairly intense labor.

Early Labor With Nothing Ready

SPEAKER_03

And I I mean, okay, it's not that intense if it's only every 15 minutes, but like the contractions themselves were very, very painful and intense. And I was like, okay, like I don't know what's going on here. She she seems to be fine, she's moving and seeming to tolerate everything well enough. And I don't know, I'm getting sick of doing this. Like, I didn't want like a 45-minute labor, but I also did not want like a 12 plus hour labor. Um, you know, four or five hours, that would have been just fine. Uh but that's just not how that's just not how it was. So I mean, I just, you know, like when you're in it, there's nothing else to do except for sit in it, right? So I just just kind of sat in it and just kept chugging along. Um, kept having snacks. My my kids, you know, my oldest daughter, she she woke up not too long after I went into labor and she was taking, you know, she took good care of me. She, you know, made me toast and was making me drinks. She um she kept making me mineral drinks. So she kept me well hydrated and full of snacks. And I just, you know, I just was at home. I felt like I felt a little bit like an animal in the zoo, which has not been my experience like having a family birth before. But it's like I just felt like all of them were just like like just looking at me, like just waiting. And I was like, okay, like this is fine, whatever, I guess. Um my husband built a fire. Um, so I labored in front of the fireplace a lot. And at some point, I did quilt. I quilted off and on in the beginning. And uh eventually I was I realized that like probably around noon or so things kind of shifted, and I couldn't like do anything anymore. Like I was like, I need to clean up my quilting stuff because I I just like it's time. I need to like go upstairs and shower and like try to gather a few things, like get something, like a little basket or something put together for when this baby comes. So I like went and like gathered the few birth supplies and like baby things that we had, um, which were not much because I had just maybe sometime the week before, like pulled baby stuff out of the garage but hadn't washed it yet. And then we didn't have a washer and dryer. So it was like I had one load of like baby stuff that I had like got through the wash. So I went and like was trying to, you know, just putter around and get the few things that I had like in one place for my husband. And I showered and um like kind of said goodbye to like my upstairs living space because I decided I wanted to move my bed downstairs um so I could kind of like be with my family while I did like my little lying in. So I said goodbye to to my bedroom and my bathroom and and I like went downstairs with with my family, and um it was like a couple, maybe an hour or so, I kind of like bounced around on the first ball. And that's whenever it like really picked up. And my friend called me at one point just to check on me. We talked on the phone off and on since she wasn't able since she wasn't there. And the last time she called me before I had the baby, I like started crying, and I was like, I just really don't want to do this anymore. Like it hurt so bad, and it did it hurt really bad. And I was like, I mean, like, I guess you forget, but my last two births, like, even though like there was pain, it was so fast that it it wasn't a huge deal. Like, you know, I was in labor for three hours with my fourth and an hour and a half with my fifth. So, like it was intense and it it there was pain, but it was so fast that like I didn't have time to like stew in how painful it was. And this time I had like a lot of time to like dread the contractions that were coming and to like not be happy that I was having to keep doing it. And um, so I remember just like crying and telling her that I really, really didn't want to do it anymore. And I was super vocal, uh, like through my contractions, like I just it was really it was really painful, and like my last two births, like my husband didn't even realize like the baby was coming because I was just like so internal and just like I just did it, I was not that vocal. So I don't know, it was just definitely a different experience and a different birth than I've had before or that I expected to have. It's probably about an hour before she was born. I decided to get into like my half inflated birth pool. Like it was like a three-tiered thing, and the bottom tier wouldn't and didn't like the was a hole in the bottom tier. So it was still like semi-functional. So uh my husband like topped it off and tried to like put like since the bottom level was broken, it was just like directly on the tile. So he like put all these like blankets and comforters and stuff underneath it to try to make it like a little more cozy for me. And I got in the pool, and um it was probably probably about an hour in the pool, and I like wanted to start pushing. I was like, I'm gonna start pushing because I'm done with this, like I don't want to do this anymore, I'm gonna push. And I pushed for like I don't know, a little bit, not very long. And I like didn't really feel anything. And I was like, I don't, like, I don't know. Like maybe it's not time to push. Maybe the contractions aren't close enough together. I don't know. Um, and so I asked my husband if he would check and see if he felt a head. Um, so my husband was like, all right, I guess. So I I don't know, I don't really know what I'm feeling for. And I was like, well, just put your hand in there and see if you feel something that shouldn't be there, like, you know. And so he um he checked me and initially he was like, I don't feel anything. And then he reached a little farther and he was like, Oh yeah, there the head is right here, like like the head's right there. So I was like, Okay, I can push. Like the head's right there, I'm I'm gonna start pushing. So once I started pushing, the contractions did start coming close together. It was like, whatever, I don't know, whatever.

A Long Labor With Wide Spacing

SPEAKER_03

I don't know if that there was just like a mental switch that flipped or what, but once once he told me that the head was right there, I like actually started pushing and the contractions started coming like right on top of each other, which was horrible, but you know, also that's just how it goes, I guess. And I pushed for a long time, um, which for a sixth baby I was not expecting. Um, I don't know if I was just like so weak and depleted from like the whooping cough, and just I don't I don't know. But I had to push for a long time. Um, probably about 30 minutes after I started pushing, which to me is a long time for my sixth baby. I mean, my last two kids, like, it was like I pushed like two times. Um so 30 minutes felt like forever. Um and like it just felt like she was stuck. I like I just couldn't get her past a certain point. Um, and I wasn't like worried about like a a shoulder dystocia or anything because like her head wasn't out, like she was still fully inside. And I was just like, I don't understand, like this hurts so bad. It was so, so, so painful. And so I I just could not wrap my head around why it was taking so long. Like, why am I having to push this hard and this long? And um, you know, like you're just like at at a breaking point, like it just feels like you're at a breaking point, like I cannot possibly do this anymore. And she started crowning and um she started crowning, and um I like reached down to feel her head and like kind of support my tissues and stuff because my contraction stopped in the middle of her crowning. And so like I just like was holding, like I didn't want to tear, and like I reached down and I'm like that's like and I like I'm kind of trying to look and I'm like, that is that an ear? Why is like what on earth? And my husband's like, Yeah, I think that is her ear. And so I get another contraction, and like I finish pushing her out, and she rotates and and comes out and comes up. She starts crying immediately, which was like my other fear. Like, she wouldn't, you know, she wouldn't cry, or she, you know, she literally the second I pulled her out of the water, was just screaming. But I guess like that's that's why I had to push so long because she was in a super funky position in there. And uh I don't know, yeah, but she came out, I got her out, and um I just started crying immediately. And I was just like like thank you God. Thank you God. I watched the my husband didn't video the whole birth but he had turned on the camera shortly after she came out like you know 30 seconds after she was born or something and I'm like just crying hysterically and just like repeatedly just like thank you God thank you God thank you God and um she was a girl which I had thought all along that she was a girl uh but my everybody else in my family had thought that she was a boy and my oldest daughter especially was really pretty upset that she was a girl she was like crying not happy tears so I was like oh my gosh I'm so sorry I'm so sorry it's a girl I'm so sorry um but she was so perfect and tiny compared to my last baby my last baby was over nine pounds and uh she was seven pounds five ounces and I was just like totally in awe that like we did all this not by ourselves because we definitely have a community around us and you know my midwife who's also my friend at this point you know definitely supported me in the ways that she felt comfortable but I was just like just blown away and also I kept crying and telling my husband that was the hardest thing I've ever done that's the hardest thing I've ever done just bawling and repeating that to him over and over and um her cord was kind of short so I couldn't like pull her up super high to like nurse or anything um and pretty shortly after she was born my husband was getting like kind of antsy to to like get the placenta out he was like okay well like when when's that gonna come out and I was like I I don't know I mean it'll you know it's always come relatively quick before like within half an hour so pretty soon I

Pushing Through A Malpositioned Baby

SPEAKER_03

would think and it did I don't know exactly how long it took but the placenta did come were you still in the pool and after the placenta was I was still in the pool um and after the placenta came I did start bleeding pretty heavily um and I was just kind of like well you know it is it's it is what it is it's alright um like I feel fine so I think it's okay um but I did I did like want to go to the bathroom and go pee and get a little bit cleaned up and um when I was in the bathroom like I just kept like like gushing like gushing blood like not like continuously but I kept having like pretty big gushes of blood and I was like okay well I still feel alright but I guess I'm gonna take some of um some of these herbs and I honestly can't even remember which one I took now whichever one you're supposed to take after the placenta if you're bleeding. I can't remember yeah it might have been like I said I had Angelica and Shepherd's purse and I know ones before the placenta and ones after and I had them labeled for my husband just in case so I took some of that and went pee and still like had a pretty steady stream of bleeding and so I called my midwife friend and she was like oh congratulations and like told her about the bleeding and stuff and she was just like well I'll just come over and check on you. And so she just she came over and um you know by the time she got there the bleeding had was pretty much you know just regular under control. But she came and she did a newborn exam and just checked on us and she um helped my husband clean up a little bit and um she did some placenta prints for me and um chopped up my placenta for me to put into smoothies and it was it was just really sweet. I was just like just really grateful that I had somebody I could call whenever I was concerned and even though it ended up being totally fine and I didn't need her I was glad that she um that she came and yeah sweet she came and weighed our baby and did a did an assessment on her and um it was just it was it was nice it was nice to like be to be downstairs in front of my fireplace I just I had my whole mattress in my living room and I just kind of camped out there for a couple of weeks. My best friend got here the next day and she stayed with us a couple of weeks and my husband was able to take like a pretty extended uh paternity leave this time so like of all six of my births and postpartums like this was definitely the most restful um postpartum period that I've been able to have it was really nice that's awesome to just be all snuggled in in the holidays and yeah just be taken care of yes yeah I really didn't leave my house for like the first month it was it was really nice just to to like I said just to be at home and in front of my fire with you know snuggling my baby yeah so did the midwife chop up your placenta for the smoothies to help with the bleeding I don't know I've always I've always consumed at least part of my placenta I don't know so I don't know that yeah that's just well that's cool so do you just chop just I'm just like curious because I'm just like thinking through this you just like chop it chop it up like after like on a cutting board yep you you just chop it up when it's fresh into like one inch chunks and you freeze it while it's fresh so it's fresh but then frozen and you just put it I put it in a smoothie um and just for I've never eaten the whole thing but for the first two or three weeks after the baby's born I'll have a smoothie with a placenta in it and at some point during the day. And you just have to make sure that you have a good blender and make sure you're putting some red fruit in there unless like I mean I don't know I like to not see it or know it's in there. I mean I know it's in there but I don't want to be reminded by like chunks of organ coming up into my mouth or like seeing anything gross. So lots of strawberries or raspberries and uh cherries I guess you could do cherries um yeah and then I just blend it

Heavy Bleeding And Midwife Support

SPEAKER_03

um and I guess the organs make it you know because it's an organ it makes it a little bitter so I do put a small scoop of vanilla ice cream in it and so that makes it like sweet and it's like a milkshake a placenta milkshake that's awesome so how was your bleeding like those first few days after birth like did it like how did that go after the initial like a lot of bleeding it wasn't bad at all like probably within like within a day or two it was just like a period and um the big thing the first week or so was I was having a lot of pelvic pain and like specifically in one spot and I'm thinking that that's probably where she got kind of hung up while she was trying to come out when where wherever she was trying to you know where she got stuck and I couldn't get her down and um I'm assuming she was just like butting up against that spot it explains the irregular contraction pattern. It does so I yeah so I think that that's what happened. I mean that's you know nobody was here to tell me otherwise so that's kind of my guess though is that contractions were kind of wonky also because of her position. She wasn't probably maybe she definitely was not in the best position to get born.

Angela

Yeah and when your baby's in that weird position it can be so confusing and you sometimes have to make a conscious decision like you said to push because when they're in a funny position you just can't breathe your baby out. It's not an option no there was no no breathe your baby out happening wow oh my gosh so I guess just just separately like what are your thoughts on like the Guardian articles if you care to comment on those at all.

SPEAKER_03

Those came out like just within a few days of her being born and so that was kind of I don't know that I did read like the one really big main article I didn't read any of the supplement the any of the supplementary articles and just kind of hearing how intense the podcast stuff was I chose not to listen to those just because I just felt like I was just too tender in my postpartum state to to consume that. So I have not done I just read the main the main article. Yeah and I mean just I mean like even some of I feel like some people after being involved in all that are really really anti-free birth or unassisted birth and I didn't want you know like I just I don't know I don't know what I'm trying to say. I'm I don't know what I would call my birth like I feel like I had a supported birth I feel like my situation is kind of unique and I feel like we were well equipped to do what we did. And I didn't want to like I didn't want to consume anything that was going to make me question what we did I guess. I don't know if that makes sense.

Postpartum Recovery

SPEAKER_03

I think that reverse society has caused a lot of harm and I think that um I think that the Guardian articles did a good job of portraying that without like totally without like totally bashing like unassisted birth in general.

Angela

So as a final question I kind of ask this each time if you were to give advice to someone who's expecting or even new parents at this point in your journey what is like one of the biggest things that you would want to share I would probably say like it's really important to to go inwards and to spend a lot of time like with you know like with yourself and with your higher power and like really I guess my biggest piece of advice would be to not make decisions based on fear.

SPEAKER_03

I think that would sum it up and to I said to really go inward and I don't know birth is always has always been like a spiritual thing for me. So to not to definitely not discount that part of the journey yes I I completely agree.

SPEAKER_01

Well thank you so much Keely for taking the time to chat with me today and share your sixth birth story how incredible oh thank you for thank you for having me follow the walk of the wild ones into the woods and the darkness we birthed away some ancient ones whose tracks were washed away it's up to us now to open up and take beyond what we said take up the water and one to open up and take three other three other things you'll be mind in darkness let love like the way to feed the soil of changing times step by step through the unload of the light and you'll be mind in darkness let love like the way to feed the soil of changing times