This Women's History Month, we spotlight confidence in leadership, joined by an executive coach and a social impact expert. We discuss the fine line women navigate in being assertive, the need for supportive spaces, and the importance of authenticity and kindness in professional settings.
The conversation extends to workplace dynamics and personal stories of ambition and mentorship.
We conclude by emphasizing storytelling's power in shaping our narratives and encouraging women to pursue their dreams fearlessly. Join us for an insightful celebration of confident women.
Come join us at our virtual events monthly. Visit our website to learn more.
This Women's History Month, we spotlight confidence in leadership, joined by an executive coach and a social impact expert. We discuss the fine line women navigate in being assertive, the need for supportive spaces, and the importance of authenticity and kindness in professional settings.
The conversation extends to workplace dynamics and personal stories of ambition and mentorship.
We conclude by emphasizing storytelling's power in shaping our narratives and encouraging women to pursue their dreams fearlessly. Join us for an insightful celebration of confident women.
Come join us at our virtual events monthly. Visit our website to learn more.
Upbeat Music Plays.
Speaker 3:All right, good evening everybody. Listen, streamyard, I'm going to need y'all to get it together. If you're on Facebook, I am so sorry you're going to have to catch us on the YouTube streets because we just lost you. But hello everybody and welcome back to another. This is a very special episode, this women's history month, but that's not why these lovely leaders are here. They're here because we're talking about the art of crushing confidence. I am so excited that you're here, hi, for me, how are you?
Speaker 1:I'm good, Shelley, how are you?
Speaker 3:I'm good. Thank you so much for coming. I'm glad you're here. Well, thank you. Thank you for having me Absolutely To make a listen. This is family right here.
Speaker 2:I've already had her and her son.
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 2:So welcome back, thank you.
Speaker 1:I'm glad to be back.
Speaker 2:And what a great topic to be talking about, right.
Speaker 3:Absolutely All right. So I have to do some quick shout outs and say hello. I know we have folks watching us on YouTube and ex, formerly known as Twitter and LinkedIn, and also the folks who are watching us on Parade Deck live TV channel on the Mrs Pie stream. So hi y'all, and shout out again to the rest of the Parade Deck fans and family. For those of y'all don't know, this is a group for all veterans or military spouses and this is a global network and obviously there's a lot of us that are considered influences I don't know why on this channel, but I have to give a quick shout out to my community and there's a. There's a community now of I'm having trouble with the numbers, andrew Appleton, so you need to tag me real quick of 134 million plus in our community. So that is humongous. That is a huge blessing, but I do have to say a quick shout out because we do have people there that support our channel. So thank y'all for watching, and so now let's get. Let's get into it. I've been looking forward to this conversation. I look forward to all my conversations.
Speaker 3:Okay, this was a little bit different and we're going to have fun tonight, because when we talk about confidence. I think, as women at, some of us have some issues with confidence and you know we're not sure if we're coming off as aggressive or how do you become. You know how do you make sure that you're not being too assertive and all these things. So, for those of y'all who are watching tonight, if confidence is oh, thank you, nadine, you see us on LinkedIn. Thank you for the shadow. Amen, all right, thank you, drop your comments on the way, regardless of where you are, and make sure, can you just like and share so we can get more people to watch us. And also, we do have folks who listen to us in a couple of days on all the audio platforms.
Speaker 3:So, again, y'all need to come back and watch the live so you can see how beautiful my friends are. But thank you for listening. You too, shelley. We got to get it together. It's women's history month, so today. So I want to, I want to pause for a little bit and just give you both a chance to just, you know, briefly introduce yourself. So let's go with Tamika. You know you're a transformative business coach and, again, as I've said, some of our clients are from our clients. Some of our audience members have met you before, but can you just do a quick reintroduction to those who might be new.
Speaker 2:Of course I'm happy to. So I am Tamika Snodgrass and I am an executive and business coach, as Shelley said, and I predominantly work with female business leaders and entrepreneurs who work in male dominated industries, and I just help them to walk in their power, to own their voices and to show up with bold confidence as the queens that they are. Because I want every woman to thrive and to live joyfully and happily in her personal and professional life, I always say uh, why have the cake if you can't eat it too?
Speaker 2:So you can have it all you know and I help women with that just overcoming those self doubts and those fears and those worries so that we can show up as our full selves and reach our full potential.
Speaker 3:That is awesome. That is awesome. So now for me, you know um, when I was, when I was introduced. By the way, I've been stocking, uh, stocking this, this, this woman for some time have you? Yeah, I have, Um, I have been doing that for reading your post and it's been encouraging and it's inspirational and I love it. So can you touch a little bit about you know, talk a little bit about what you do and who you are?
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I'm for me. I am Den, I am a community manager and social impact advisor, so I help organizations and people drive social impact by fostering those community connections. So I mean to me it can know is that I'm all about the community building and creating and inspiring those inclusive spaces, because we all know that that's where people want to be. They want to be in a space where they belong and have a space to really just show their voices and elevate them as well. So it just really deepening those connections, but also really working on those meaningful conversations and how you can read them as well.
Speaker 3:So here's our first, here's our first question, and again, for those of you all who are listening, you know, feel free to drop your thoughts in the, in the, in the chat, in the comments. And the first first thing is around our value and showing up powerfully. And what does that mean? When we talk about showing up powerfully, how would you, how would you play that out? What does that look like for you?
Speaker 2:So we'll go to you yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, if that's okay. Yeah, Of course, so powerfully.
Speaker 2:No to me. For me, it's really about owning your space, owning your voice and owning your presence. So when you show up, it's with that belief in yourself and knowing that you have something valuable to bring to the table, and you are exactly where you're meant to be. You're there because you belong there. You belong in the boardroom, right, you belong in this meeting, you belong at this networking event, whatever it is, and I don't care where you're showing up.
Speaker 2:Show up as, as your true self you know authentically. You don't need to try to fit in, you don't need to try to be like anybody else, and it took time for me to learn that, because I came up in the banking industry and the corporate banking industry over 30 years ago when there was nobody around that looked anything like me. You know, 30 years ago in corporate banking, there were no black people and I was one of just a few women around, and so at first I did try to fit in and try to find my way and figure out you know, how do I belong, how do I fit in? And then what I discovered is wait a minute, I have something very unique. I'm one of the only women. My perspective is unique. What I bring to the table is different than what anybody else brings, you know, to the table. That's owning your power, owning your space, owning your voice, owning your presence. That's what it means to show up powerfully, Wow.
Speaker 1:How about you, femir?
Speaker 1:Well, I just want to say, tamika, I love what you have to say, because I definitely want to just piggyback off of her a tad bit.
Speaker 1:You know, for me, showing up powerfully is about owning your worth and recognizing it and making space, or taking up space. For me, it's about understanding what my strengths, my talents are and aligning it to the values that I come in with and knowing what it is that I need. And by doing that, that's when I can use my voice to really talk about my worth and my value and saying, hey, for me, I've got something over here to offer. I need you to listen and I need you to pay attention, because what I bring to the table is going to be different and unique from somebody else that's sitting there as well and adding on, of course, a value, but, like to me, really just had to find my voice too. You know, when you're kind of in spaces where you don't have that option or you're not given space, you're kind of like I need to make the space for myself as well. I love that.
Speaker 3:And there's no threat, you know, to other women Like I think this is where a lot of women kind of go a little bit crazy. I'm just speaking as a woman to women, okay, where there's this sense that you have to compete, and when you're talking about taking up our space, I'm taking up my space, not yours.
Speaker 2:I'm not coming from your space.
Speaker 3:I'm owning mine and that is, I think, a part of the confidence that we have is we're not interested in, you know, cloning what somebody else is doing or trying to take over what they have. We're just very comfortable in our skin, if you will, and I love what both of you guys have said so far. So I want to ask you around insecurities and toxic cultures, because this is one of those. Like this is not my space, I am not sitting around. I'm not that girl. I am not your girl. If you need a water cooler gossip to talk about how things are going terribly Like, that's not. I'm sorry, that's not me.
Speaker 1:Right, don't have time for it. No time for it. I don't have time for it.
Speaker 3:And I find that you know, I've had experiences with other women where you know, because you're not following right the maid, she says get into the tea. It's the truth, like because you're not following the crowd. You know, my mom used to say all the time that, shelly, you're a great leader. You're a horrible follower and it's true, I used to get really offended because people would, you know, the crowd would go right and I would go left and I would be so offended when she would say that, but I get it Like.
Speaker 3:I'm just not built for that. So I want to be able to talk to you know, women who are kind of facing those toxic cultures, and some advice that you might have about you know, have around that yeah.
Speaker 1:I'd like to go first, if that's okay, to make up, of course, yes. So I've been in and I love what Nadya said get in the tea. So I have been in a few toxic workspaces and for me at that time, when I look back at it now, it's because I wasn't aligned with my own values. I was too busy trying to please what everybody else was doing. I was trying to quote, unquote, fit in what the crowd was doing because, again, I didn't want to be disliked or judged. I wanted to be in a space where everybody else was, but there was just something deep down inside of me that just did not feel right. I'm like I why am I following them? I'm not standing out from this crowd. So I had to go shift the other way and I started to rebel, and I think it's also because of my middle child. But when I say rebel I mean it in a good way.
Speaker 1:I wanted to stand out in my own unique way, and that's when I really advise or suggestions to people is to really just focus on what are your values, what do you stand for, who are you? What do you bring to the table? And I think when we really hold in on that and can confidently own those talents and strengths. It really does separate you from everyone else. And again, it's like you said, we're not trying to take Tamika or Shelley or Nadine's chair. It's about I also have a space here. I deserve to be here, I belong here, I love that. I just want to. That's what you said.
Speaker 2:I love that so well said. And for me, just to add on to what you said and both of you ladies, you know, my favorite quote is by Maya Angelou, right. That says people may forget what you said, people may forget what you did, but people will never forget the way you made them feel, and that is a guiding principle for the way I live my life.
Speaker 2:I don't ever want to make another person, and especially not another woman to feel like she's beneath me or like she's not good enough, because the world does that to us enough. And so what I would say to those women who are in those toxic situations is remember, you're more than enough. We all have special gifts and special talents. You do belong. And to those women who think they have to berate another woman or put another woman down in order for her to shine you don't have to dim another woman's light in order for you to shine. The way for you to shine is to shine that light on every other woman, right? And so that's what I try to do, and I really try to empower other women to do that as well. If you have a seat at the table, invite other women to the table as you climb, reach down and lift somebody else and bring them along as well. There's room for all of us and we actually rise higher together. So that would be my advice you don't have to tear down or destroy someone else. And, shelly, I think I told you this In my career oftentimes, those who try to hurt me or you know, sort of keep me in my place.
Speaker 2:It was never other, it was never men, it was women, and it comes from a place of insecurity. That's right. That's what it is, because when you're securing yourself and as for me, I said, when you know your value and you know what you bring to the table, you're not intimidated by anybody else, right? What I have is for me and you can't take that away, so I'm not worried about you. Let's get in this and do it together.
Speaker 1:You're like come on over. I love that.
Speaker 3:That's so true. I love that. I'm going to bring up a couple more, a couple of the comments. So actually shout out to the Dump and Ground podcast. So we have a whole podcast watching this podcast.
Speaker 1:Dump and Ground podcast.
Speaker 3:I belong here. I love this, I love it, I love it, and the same thing here. Here we're trodding on enough. Let's not do it at other women too, and shout out to Nate. This is so that I know Nate. Nate is also our road manager, but he's a huge supporter of women, obviously, so there's a room at the table for everyone's talent, which is why you really don't need to listen. We don't need to compete. Let's fight for business, but let's not fight each other. It is ugly. It's so ugly.
Speaker 2:It's crazy.
Speaker 1:And again, we don't have time or room for that either.
Speaker 3:We don't have that energy. We don't. Do you have advice that you could share with maybe a younger woman who is working for an older woman? And that's a toxic situation, because I know a lot of younger women who you know, especially those who might be entering the workforce. Maybe this is their first job out of college and they're trying to navigate Again. It doesn't have to be a corporate thing, it could be. You know, you're the cashier at Target and your supervisor is older, but do you have any advice for younger women to older women in that kind of paradigm? For me, you want to go first. Yeah, sure, I just threw it at her. No, no, that's okay.
Speaker 1:I love very organic conversations, by the way, I love them. I would say know your boundaries, set those. When I look back again previous situations, I didn't have clear and firm boundaries. I didn't know I could have it right Because again the people pleasing kind of came in. So I would say set those firm boundaries, know what they are. And if you're still struggling, try to find a trusted person that you can talk to, to seek support. And again, these are all things that I did not do, so they are hard lessons that I have learned. Seek support, set those firm boundaries, because being clear or being kind is being clear and direct as well. So I learned that as well, that your boundaries set the tone for how people are going to respect you. And if you don't have boundaries, people may more than likely take advantage of you and just take, take, take, take.
Speaker 2:So I love it and you know what? We're all leaders. You don't have to have a title in order for you to be a leader, and so sometimes you have to learn even from someone who has a title and they might be over you. You can teach them how to treat you. So sometimes you have to learn to manage up or lead up and teach people how to treat you the way you deserve to be treated. And, as women, that means that we need to understand our worth, our value, and understand how to articulate it, what we bring to the table, why we're here, the fact that we belong here. We have to be able to share that.
Speaker 2:The other thing and I say this all the time because I've worked with a lot of toxic women don't let anybody drag you down. You're not getting ready to take me to my ugly place. I carry myself with dignity and integrity and respect, and I'm going to treat people with professionalism and with kindness, and generally it rubs off. But what I will say and I love what you said about setting those boundaries also there's something to learn from every situation. I just had this conversation with my son yesterday, who was dealing with he's working in surgery right now on his educational rotation and he had a surgeon who was being very rude and very nasty and treating him as though he was below, you know, beneath them, and I said there's always something to learn in every situation. So what can you take away from that situation? I said one thing I've learned from toxic people is how I never want to lead and how I read other people right, so you don't have to step outside of your character.
Speaker 2:You don't have to judge people and assume the worst about them because they don't know how to carry themselves. Show them how to do it. Lead by example. Model that behavior yeah.
Speaker 1:I love that.
Speaker 3:Y'all are dropping. There's so many taglines dropped, y'all need to tell me and hashtag a little thing and Tamika needs that fire emoji. I know we need emojis going off everywhere y'all. And again, for those of you who are listening, I hope you're able to catch what's dropping in the room as well. You know listening later in the week. So I want to ask what is the art of crushing confidence? What does that mean for you? Who wants to take that? What does that mean for you?
Speaker 2:Go ahead for me, I'll let you go.
Speaker 1:That's a great question. So what does the art of crushing confidence look like for me? Yeah, what does it mean for you? So I know this is a word that's tossed around a lot, but I do like to use the word authenticity. For me, crushing confidence is to show up as my authentic self, and to me it's gonna look different, right, and it's gonna look different for someone else, but for me it's being in alignment with my values, being crystal clear on what it is that I want.
Speaker 1:Who is Fumia? What does she stand for? What is the mark? What legacy does she want to leave behind? And what impact do I want to make every single day when I wake up in the morning? What is it that I want to do so that, whether I'm in the room or not, people are still saying my name, like Fumia did this. Go reach out to me at her community building. She is the one to help you foster those connections. But yeah, so that's what crushing confidence for me is just showing up and being clear on exactly what it is that I stand for. I love that, oh.
Speaker 2:I love that. I love that.
Speaker 3:I wish you just close this all out. Yes, yes, I just know my answer.
Speaker 2:Follow that.
Speaker 1:You know, I'm just thinking about all the stuff that I just had to go through in life and experience, as you know, the good, the bad and the ugly, but when you just you know, I think it's just lessons. We've all been in those spaces where we know what it's like to not fit in and people kind of push us out. They were like no, we don't, we're gonna show you the right way to do it. We're gonna show you what it looks like in a healthy way, Wow and a fun way too.
Speaker 2:I love it. And you know what, shelly, I'm crushing it when I'm just being myself. You know when I'm just being. You know how you feel in your self Like you walk in that room and all eyes are on you right, because you're comfortable with who you are and you show yourself love and you have good conversations with yourself, positive conversations with yourself. That's when.
Speaker 2:I'm killing it when I show up and I can just be me for me. And you and I talked we were just talking about this earlier, before we joined this call, and I, you know, I said I was having a panic attack because I thought I was being late, you know, and I told them. But you know what? I'm weird like that. I own my weirdness.
Speaker 2:Me too, me too. Meek yourself, all your quirks, all your flaws, and loving yourself anyway. Because when you love yourself, the right people show up. You know they show up for you, they're attracted to you. So that's when you're crushing it, when you just fit in and you know you fit in. You don't have to try and you fit in just because you're being you and the right people will receive that, and the people that don't, those are not your people and that's okay. I'm not for everybody. I understand that, and everybody's not for me.
Speaker 1:And you're not everybody's cup of tea.
Speaker 3:Boring if we were, I don't I don't need to be, I don't want to be and I'm good, so for me to start it. And you started talking a little bit about legacy.
Speaker 3:And I wonder if we could dig a little bit deeper, because you know I'm a mom. You have two beautiful girls in my family. Obviously they're the most intelligent, beautiful women. That and as I think about Legacy, I think a lot of times when people think about legacy they're thinking they're waiting until they get to the end of their Live and then they start thinking about legacy, or it's usually associated with Financial gains. You know the money we're leaving behind, but you've met. When you talk about legacy, I just started to think about what that looks like, even in terms of the role models that we are. That's a part of building out the legacies for our kids. Can you talk a little bit more about Legacy as it relates to confidence and just expand on what you were you were saying earlier?
Speaker 1:Yeah, so for me, every morning I would always wake up and I always knew I had a purpose in life. I'm like God brought me here for a reason. There's a purpose. What is it for me? And I always knew, since I was a little girl, that I wanted to bring meaningful change. Whether I was in a space or around people, whatever it may be, I wanted to leave a mark, but I wanted to leave a good mark. I wanted people to see that there are good spaces, inclusive spaces that we can be in. But I needed to model that, like to make it was saying, to show people what that look like. And again, it's aligning my values, my mission and my goals that connect together to bring that to life. And it's it's one thing to say it, but it's also another thing to do it. And for me, it's taking those actionable steps to really showing up confidently In the spaces that I'm in and just really just holding truth to that and making it known in whatever space I go into.
Speaker 3:Wow, that's amazing. That's amazing. How about you? How about you? Executive business coach.
Speaker 2:You know it's much of what, for me, is said. I really want to make an impact. I want to make a difference. Every day, when I make a post, even on social media, one of the things that I always say at the end it's just smile at somebody, be kind to somebody. Today, you know, it's a one, people say my name and when people think about the experience that they had with me, whether it was a conversation or whatever I want them to feel good about it. I want them to feel positive feelings and emotions, positive thoughts, you know, and just to have To feel like they had a great experience. That's important to me. It's how I treat people treating people with love, with kindness, with respect, and just showing up.
Speaker 2:The other thing for me is defining success and what it looks like on my own terms, you know, and helping other people to do the same and I have two kids to their adults and Just pouring into them, as I do with others, pouring into them that confidence, that love, that kindness, that empathy, that compassion, that positivity, all of those things, because it does matter. That's how I want them to show up in the world and everyone around me. The people that I attract, those are my people. I don't draw negativity. I don't receive negativity. I don't have time for that. Life is too short. I want people to be happy and live joyfully Right while we're here in this place and to serve others and make a difference. That's what really matters to me.
Speaker 3:I love that and I think what people will be able to pick up really quickly, if you haven't already. It's the clear sense of your own identity. You know. Again, it's not. You know, people might come along and confirm some things because you know the gifts that I have. I didn't think it was a gift, I was just like it is just. I mean, that's just me. It's not a big deal. I would get these confirmations along the way and.
Speaker 3:I remember when I was much younger I'm over 50 also, my my thoughts have changed, but when I was much younger I would say in my 20s and 30s I would brush the, I would brush those compliments away and then I would gravitate toward the negative because I didn't really want it to be true. Because if it was true, that meant I could no longer hide anymore and I had to be more out front now, I didn't want to do that right so one of the things that I appreciate about both of you is that you have a firm sense of Yourself.
Speaker 3:I wonder if you could talk to that a little bit. How did you get to that point? Because there's, I know there's people watching that you know they're like how do they, you know, how do they do that Like, how did you get to that sense of that firm sense of yourself? What was that process like for you?
Speaker 2:So for me, I have to give all credit to my parents. I really do. I'm so grateful and you know, I was raised, born and raised in the city of Detroit. It wasn't always the best neighborhood, you know. Over time I mean, I have friends that did all of the things. Let's just say that. But I knew I wasn't going to be doing any of those things right because I knew my. You know I couldn't disappoint my parents. They were strict disciplinarians, but they poured into me. They poured into me that confidence they instilled in me.
Speaker 2:I think I was telling you this, shelly, like my mom would just tell me all the time you can be anything, you're so smart. I wasn't told you know, you're just pretty, you're right, smart, you can do anything you set your mind to. I could tell my mother I wanted to be a teacher. She'd be like you make a great teacher. If I told her I wanted to be an astronaut, she'd be like girl, you would kill it as an astronaut. I love your mom, you know, and my parents were like that, and that's where it comes from for me. I'll share a quick story. When I was younger, I was very self-conscious about my forehead. I always thought I had this big giant forehead, and so I wore bangs all the time to hide my forehead, and so as a teenager, I had acne on my forehead because I had those ganks from the oil in your hair.
Speaker 2:And so my mother said why do you? Why do you wear bangs all the time? And I said I don't. I don't like my forehead. Mom, I got this big, great big, giant forehead like daddy, and she pushed my bangs to the side and she said look at that. She said you see that. And I said what she said you are beautiful Just the way you are. You don't need to hide behind anything just to have your mother tell you that it wasn't about being beautiful like physically it wasn't about, but it was about the fact that she was saying you're good enough, just the way you are.
Speaker 3:You don't need to hide.
Speaker 1:Whatever, whatever kind of forehead you got is not good is yours.
Speaker 2:That's what God created you to to be. That's how you were made. You don't need to hide yourself, and so that's where it comes from for me, just having that solid foundation, and so it. You talk, shelly, about being a leader. I've always been that way. It didn't matter that I was around gang bangers and kids that smoked weed and did all of the things. Teenage girls it was fast what we used to call them fast.
Speaker 2:That was never me, and so when I was offered a drink or I was offered to smoke this or do that, I'd be like now I'm good, you know, and we can be friends, I'm not just, but I don't do that. That's where it came from. It came from that strong, solid foundation and I wanted to live up to what my parents told me. That I am right.
Speaker 3:I love that Love that we have too much brain in our stomach. I mean.
Speaker 2:I need to make sure I need to put you in my pocket to carry you around.
Speaker 3:You will love that.
Speaker 2:That's just going to be a smile.
Speaker 3:How about you, bamiya? What are your thoughts?
Speaker 1:Gosh, so many things. You know. A lot of my confidence stem from, again, past experiences, the ones that were really difficult and hard, and I don't regret them. I always say they led me to where I am today. I needed those challenges, those hard situations to happen in order for me to build the confidence that I have to show up as myself. But it was also like to me the people that were my solid rocks, that were there with me along the way that even when the shit hit this ceiling or the fan or whatever that phrase is they still stuck by me and said to me You're not giving up, I'm not giving up on you. I need you to keep going.
Speaker 1:So my best friend was definitely the person for me and my mom who just told me why are you so worried? Just do it. What do you mean? Do it? She's like do it. What do you have to lose? But also, I have to give it to my ex fiance as well. He told me something is like me.
Speaker 1:It's just a shame if you don't share your story. This was before I even got on LinkedIn, before I came out here. He's like you need to show the world who you are. You need to talk, share your voice, elevate it, because people are really missing out on your story. Your experience as an ego is, you know, I just might help one person but you never know how many more might come along the way so that I take from him, even though we're no longer together. But I'm like, hey, there's some good parts that I can take along, but it was just everything you know, that kind of built up to it and I kind of got to a point where I'm like enough's, enough, I'm following this group. I need to be my own thought leader and carve my own path that sets me out from everybody else in the world. So I'm like, here I am.
Speaker 3:I love that. And you mentioned social media. This is another area where I think it has been interesting, interesting for some, challenging for others. But you know, as we're on, we're on social media, especially on LinkedIn, which has shifted over the few years, I would say, the type of content that's being shared. So we went from being purely a you know, quote unquote business forum to where, I think, over 2020 and 2021, because of everything that was happening in the world Y'all know what's going on that we started to talk more about our lives.
Speaker 3:You know we became more humanized on LinkedIn, some of it felt like it then went to another ship where people were really taking advantage of those human sized stories. Right, they started, you know, we had a consultant for everything and a product for everything. And I think, where we are now, we're trying to level set and you hear more about belonging and authenticity and people trying to kind of find their ground at work as people. And so I wonder, you know, how do you maintain your confidence? Because, listen, I don't, I don't, I don't knock on wood, I don't get on, I don't get trolls or I don't respond to, I don't see that anyway. But how do you, how do you manage the way that you show up on social media so that it doesn't impact your, your confidence.
Speaker 1:Yeah, sure. So for me being on LinkedIn, shelley, when I started and I'm going to be very frank with everybody here and listening- so when.
Speaker 1:I got on LinkedIn for the first time years ago. It was very stuffy, yeah, and I thought it was too serious. So what did I do? I deactivated my account so fast because I'm the complete opposite. I'm serious when I have to be. The life is short, so I'm going to embrace it, have fun and live it up as much as I possibly can. So when I came back, I said, okay, if I'm going to go in, I'm going to go in as Pamia. I'm not going to go in as anything else. And I also reminded myself that not everybody is going to be my cup of tea and they're not going to be mine, and vice versa. And that's okay. I can be very. You can be the most amazing person in the world, but somebody's always going to have something to say about you regardless. So I accepted that. So I had to do it in a way that was sustainable for me, and I'll end, you know, to be very transparent.
Speaker 1:There were moments where I had days where I was just like you know, I'm exhausted. You know everybody's doing this, Everybody's got this win. I just need to take a step back and pause, because we're human. We have feelings. There are going to be those moments where we do compare. But those were the moments I'm like what am I doing? Turn off your PC, go outside and take a break. But I do it in the sense again where I'm able to come on and remind myself okay, Pamia, what is your purpose? Why were you here in the first place? You're not here for the metrics, the vanity and whatnot. You're here because you're here to build community and you're here to do it live, for people to actually see what a diverse and inclusive community looks like, Not for all the other stuff to gain followers. I want those genuine connections. That's why I'm here. And to build relationships, Excuse me relationships.
Speaker 3:I love it. That's why you're here, because you're genuine. We're all about. We're all about community. We're very mindful of the folks that connect. I don't like to use the word follower, but for you know, just so you guys understand the followers on LinkedIn, not followers for us as a community, but the totally, totally online. How about you, tameka? How do you manage that? You know?
Speaker 2:what I have a goal right, and so I show up on social media because I want to be visible, I want to position myself as a thought leader, and I want to attract the right people into my community or my tribe, as we say on LinkedIn sometimes, and so that's the reason, that's my goal, and so the way I maintain my confidence is I know why I'm there you know right, and I'm not trying to attract negativity.
Speaker 2:If I say something or I post something you don't like, I'm not talking to you, don't worry. I do have trolls every once in a while. I'm the queen of the clap back and then block. So I know why I'm there and I keep that top of mine. I want to be visible and I want to make an impact and so what I post, I'm intentional about it because I am being visible, I'm being a thought leader, I'm sharing my point of view, I have something to say and I want the right people to hear that, to hear that message. I don't care if it's one person. It may not be for you, that's okay. If you don't like it, keep scrolling.
Speaker 2:You know I have a sense of my own identity, my own purpose and who I am. I know what my value is. That's how I stay confident. I don't worry about what other people say. I don't compare myself to other people. For me, I mentioned the metrics. There are people you know they have tons and tons of engagement, right? I'm not comparing myself to them. Their audience is different than mine. What they post is different than what I post, and that's okay. But what I choose to share. It has the impact that I wanted to have, and that's what's most important to me.
Speaker 3:I love that. I love that and I think this is really going to help somebody who is you're on LinkedIn or you're trying to. I would not. That's a tool or platform you want to leverage and we're all doing what makes sense for us. You know, there's not a conspiracy where we're meeting, huddling back together.
Speaker 1:No, we're not doing that, that ain't happening. There's things that I've lost.
Speaker 3:maybe that's right, Exactly, they say sometimes I post and I'm like, yeah, this one's going to cost me some dollars, oh, that don't really care. You know, I'm just putting it out there, you know. But that is something for you to consider again, for those of you all who are watching again live or replay, as you're creating that type of engagement and content, what you're sharing out just being intentional, but you know, by what you're putting out, because you are going to be held accountable for what you say. Right, you, it is social media. It is tied to your personal brand and sometimes your business brand and and that can rock your confidence when you get a troll, If you don't know how to do a clap back like a me to the me, you can just delete the comment. We just need to. We need to have a separate session with Tamika.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's a separate session.
Speaker 3:Come back, hotter hand of trolls. Just delete it. Don't worry about it. You don't need to comment.
Speaker 1:We're DM.
Speaker 3:Tamika, or tag Tamika.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I can help you with that.
Speaker 3:Exactly, exactly. Don't let her share in more. Just don't just making sure I'm trying to make sure. Sometimes I miss the comments y'all because I'm having so much fun. But this is. I think this is just going back to the outpouring of love from a parent we're talking about kind of a genesis of where our confidence comes from.
Speaker 3:And Nate just saying his mom was and is the same way. So that's that's really important. If you're a parent watching this and you're trying to, especially if you have teams, you know teams that are watching you and your responses, you know how you deal with disappointments and you know how do you, how do you manage through the crisis and that impacts their confidence as well just by, you know, learning from watching you. So there was another thing that we talked about y'all when we met to, just, you know, talk about what we want to talk about. We shouldn't recorded that, because that was a whole hour and a half. Yeah, we had our own life Y'all. It was a show, we did it. It was a free show.
Speaker 3:It was that was a whole show.
Speaker 3:But, one thing we talked about was how we transitioned into our gifts and our talents. How did we make that transition? And I want to hear from both of you Again, you know, how did you? You know what your gifts and, by the way, gifts are different from talents. So let me some things that just you know came with a package and talent, some things that we worked on to build on it. So talent, you know, gift versus talent. So so, knowing your gifts and talent, how, how did you embrace it? And for someone who's watching, who maybe they're trying to figure out, you know what is my gift and what talent, what? Some of the advice that you might have and whoever wants to take that first.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't mind going first with this one, you know, for me it was just taking a step back and really thinking about what brings me joy, what am I really really good at? What do I really really love doing, you know, and just trying to focus on those things. And the first thing I recognize is that I'm not good at everything, you know, and that's okay. You don't have to be good at everything, but what I can do is understand what I'm passionate about, what I'm great at doing, and then really get laser focused on becoming a master at that, you know. And so when I worked in banking, I would I always was a master of my craft, you know, and I was a salesperson, okay.
Speaker 2:And so when I would go out to meet with clients, I knew that I had to have the best presentation. I knew that I had to be a great communicator. I knew that I had to be a great listener. You know all of the things that I knew that I had to understand all of the solutions that would address the pain points of my clients. So that's what I knew. So I made sure that I was a master at all of those things. Now my areas of weakness we all gonna have weaknesses, and I've never been the kind of person who's like, okay, I need to strengthen these things and I'm horrible at you know what I'm horrible at that I can outsource that stuff to somebody else.
Speaker 3:Here you go, hello, you do that.
Speaker 1:You do that.
Speaker 2:Delegating Really, really, really good at what I'm, great at my gifts, my talents. You know, somebody said to me. One of my clients said to me I was doing a workshop, I was facilitating a workshop and it was great. We were having so much fun. And so I got back all the evaluations and the feedback was excellent, and this was for a group of charter schools. And so the superintendent over the school said to me, tamika, she says it's not just what you teach. She said, but it's you. And that was the highest compliment for me it's you. And so that's the advice that I give to everyone you can teach whatever you want, you can teach it in whatever style you want, however you wanna come across, but it's you. That's what draws people in, that's what people are attracted to. You have this magic thing to figure out what it is and then do more and more and more of that.
Speaker 3:Wow that's awesome. Yeah that's awesome. All right, Tamika, come on.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, I loved what Tamika said. What I had to do for myself was really pay attention to what it is that I loved. So whenever I would complete or end my day, I'd go back and do some reflection about OK, what is it that you loved about what you did today? And I would note it down and I would do it consistently. It wasn't a day or two, I would do this over time just to kind of notice some patterns. And then I started to pick up on them and I had an idea of what it was.
Speaker 1:Again, I knew I wanted to really deepen those relationships and make that impact, but how and what capacity, I did not know. So when people tell me, what is it that you love? I'm still trying to figure that out. I said I know what it is, but I need to figure out how to do it Right. I think it's the how that sometimes people get stuck on At least it did for me. It's like what can I do to get over that hump of the how?
Speaker 1:But the more I kept journaling and I kept writing and I kept saying, ok, this is what I love doing, this is what I could see myself doing, I also would go back to some of my really, really trusted friends and family members and I'd say, hey, when you see me, what is it that you notice, what stands out to you? And it's not that I needed their validation, I just need that just to them reaffirm what I was already thinking. And I would look back at my notes and I would pay attention. I'm like OK, and the more they kept saying, for example, for me a connection, connection, I'm like dear Lord, I keep hearing this word all the time.
Speaker 2:I know I say it to you.
Speaker 1:But I would dream about it and I would wake up in the middle of the night with my phone, texting myself the ideas of my connection. That's what people keep telling me. And somebody told me pause, take that pause and really pay attention to that word that people keep bringing up to you. Every single time it's a sign. And then God started throwing me the signs and I was like, ok, I need to figure out how to do this again. And that's what got me to where I am today in community, because I build these relationships.
Speaker 1:I've been an educator for over 15 years and what I loved about it is that I could build those relationships with those individuals and I knew they were all different and I knew that it was a gift because I could naturally figure out what it is that their strengths were and play on that. And then that's what built the trust. And how else I figured it out is when I most people don't know this is that I used to work for the sister company for quick and loans, and anyone that knows quick and loans knows that their dynamic is just over the top and I just, you know, when I laughed I was like you know the VP's like where are you going? We want you to stay here. Because I learned the system inside and out and I was like I see you guys are so passionate about what you're doing I'm missing. Yet I need that. It's like what you guys are doing is what I'm missing and I'm not getting it here.
Speaker 1:And I couldn't figure out, pinpoint. What is it about me being there that I'm no longer wanting to be there? And when I started focusing on my strengths and my talents, I started to understand and realize I wasn't playing to my strengths, I wasn't playing to connections, I wasn't playing to building relationships. Why? Because that space did not allow me that growth, that opportunity to do it, because they were constantly go, go, go, go go. There was no room for it, because it was attorneys and brokers and all of that stuff. So I didn't have the opportunity to play on Thamia's strengths. And when I look back at other spaces, I'm like, oh my gosh, light bulb, I was in the wrong spaces, I was misaligned.
Speaker 3:I love that.
Speaker 1:I used to blame myself. I thought something was wrong with me, but I'm like no, I was just in the wrong space. I can belong anywhere, but where I choose to go, that's on me. I have that choice.
Speaker 2:And I was just choosing the wrong spaces.
Speaker 1:I was. I was choosing the wrong spaces.
Speaker 3:I love this note in here from Nadine. It's almost like connection was your destiny and there was no way to get it. I have tried to avoid mine.
Speaker 2:What is it again, shelley? I don't know what it is.
Speaker 1:It's louder Ministry baby.
Speaker 3:For those of y'all in the chat if y'all can mute D'Amica right now, y'all can talk to her offline. But you don't appreciate her feedback right now. But I don't know. It's just like, it's just so crazy, but you know. So it's Tuesday night and every uh. So Monday morning 6 30, tuesday nights, 8 30, thursday, 7 am, saturday mornings, sunday morning, before I actually go to church, there's a lesson in the teaching, a pre, a pre something. There's a prayer and it is, um, I can, like I said it's something that I tried to run from. I'm not running anymore, but it is just so, um, counter to what I do in my day job. Right, it is so, and yet I'm on. I'm on anywhere.
Speaker 3:Anywhere I am, there's a, there's a sermon there's a word, there's a word, there's a prayer, there's a something coming out, and so you know you, just, I think you get to the point where you just don't want to run from it anymore. It's exhausting, it's kind of like it's.
Speaker 3:It's just a part of who you are, and the more you stifle it, the more frustrated you become.
Speaker 3:And so for me now, I'm just like okay, lord, wherever, whatever it is, I'm open to it. You know, you align me and I'll I'll be obedient, but there's a lot of people who are on the job. You're in the job because, quite frankly, that is paying your bills and that's not your passion. And, and it's okay to you know, be in your nine to five and then maybe your Passion becomes a project. So have an outlet so that you're fulfilling that part of yourself. Otherwise you're going to be miserable. So, you know, just find a way to you know, find a way to tap into that part and meet that need. You know, maybe, again, if you want to be a fashion designer and you know, you know you're working a nine to five and that's, that's not possible for you to take on a full term, maybe you're doing that on the side right, maybe a designing for somebody, or you're consulting in a different way, but find a way you know for you to to.
Speaker 3:That has to ooze out somehow.
Speaker 2:Right, it's so true, I can't run away from it either, because it'll follow you. It just, yes, it finds you. For me, I have like deep down I am an educator, I'm a teacher even though that was not my career path, but I ended up teaching um college courses for 11 years while I did my corporate job.
Speaker 1:Did you tell me this?
Speaker 2:to me. I did. I did that for 11 years absolutely, because I love that. I love helping young people, whether it's through mentoring or teaching or whatever. So I did that in my coaching practice. I probably do more workshops, more more teaching. That's my, it's just one of my gifts. It comes natural for me and so, even if I don't lean into it, it finds me, it comes after you. It's like come here to meet up yeah and I end up?
Speaker 2:yeah, sure I'll teach that, sure I'll do that workshop for you. You know, and I love it. It's what I love to do, and so, even though that's not necessarily my career, yeah. I do a lot of it and I love it.
Speaker 3:I love that. So we're coming down to the minutes, y'all, because, like I said, I do actually have a bunch of another prayer live going live shortly. But I wanted to find out from you what, what are. What do you want? What do you want to be remembered For doing, or what do you want to be remembered as? Or you know, looking back and we're looking back and saying, man, these ladies like, what do you want to be remembered for?
Speaker 1:So whoever?
Speaker 1:wants to take that yeah, yeah for me, um, I want to be remembered as the change maker who held space or people where they did not feel like they felt like they belonged somewhere, that it was a space where they can just show up as themselves and when I say show up as themselves, fully as themselves, where they can just share their voice, share their thoughts, with no labels or judgments in shame, because I'm sure many can probably relate to this, I've been there and it doesn't feel good, it feels crappy to be in those types of places.
Speaker 1:So I want to be the individual that changes that. People will say, well, it's hard. I said what's so hard about building an inclusive space that's built from the ground up? That's healthy? I said it takes a lot of nurturing, it takes a lot of sustainability, but it's a lot harder to break a very toxic work, culture or space than it is to actually build one from scratch. It takes a lot of intentionality, it takes time and effort, but it's definitely worth it. So I definitely want to be one of those that was contributed to that, but along with the people that are with me as well.
Speaker 3:Wow, that's powerful. I don't know how you're going to come behind that, tanika.
Speaker 2:Oh, you know it makes it so hard, but I want. I'm an encourager, I'm an uplifter and I want to be known as someone who empowers other women. I want every other woman to live joyfully, to live happily in her personal and her professional life, and that means you have to. You have to dream big and you have to then follow that by taking big action. You know, investing in yourself and setting your goals and making your own dreams come true. You can't wait for it to happen for you. Nobody's going to knock on your door and say here you go, make it happen for yourself and you can do it. You know it's a matter of believing in yourself and, you know, just pushing back against those fears and those doubts and those things that keep you stuck and hold you back from doing everything that you want it to do. So I'm that person. I want to be the person to encourage you, to uplift you, to support you and to help you to believe in yourself and to have that big, bold confidence.
Speaker 3:Wow, I can't think of a better way to close tonight on those points and I'm so grateful. By the way, y'all, we're going to be coming back next week. I'm going to schedule it out, so just give me a couple of days, but we're going to come back and talk about communication, because I think that is another one where we're going to all use a little help, to be honest. But again, you know, I'm trying to point out to as many women as possible, especially this month, because we tend to spotlight other women who've gone before us when it comes to women's history month, but we miss the ones that are right in front of us. I'm not doing that.
Speaker 3:So we've got two women who are making history right now March 19, 2024, who are women of impact and influence. That's something that I preach all the time. We've got to have impact and influence and because of that, you know you're reaching and you're reaching a lot of folks who are encouraging and inspiring many, many people outside of LinkedIn as well. So I'm just so grateful that that you allow yourselves the vulnerability to be able to share. You know all of your ups and downs and your experiences, and for the rest of us me included that watch, talk, read like repost.
Speaker 3:You know, sometimes people don't say anything, but they are taking it in, you know engagement is just engagement, right, but for those, on behalf of all the folks who are really receiving everything you guys are putting out, please keep doing it, because there's so many folks that you know really need the inspiration. You just never know who is going to tap onto one of your posts one day, and that was the thing that saved them.
Speaker 3:Seriously you know, you know. So I'm really grateful for both of y'all and so we'll have them come back next week. We'll talk about communication. I'll send out all the info. It's going to be same time, same back channel. Y'all, thank you so much for watching Y'all. Hang on for a minute. We'll have our after party hosting guy me. I love it.
Speaker 3:Everybody else is going to be missing stuff. Don't forget to like the video on your way out. And for the folks who are going to be listening on the podcast streets Spotify I'm going to miss something Spotify, audible, itunes, iheartradio, wherever you're listening. Again, we appreciate you listening and you guys can find also find both of these amazing women on LinkedIn. I'll make sure to include some of their information on those audio streets as well, and you can hear the. You can hear this in two days. It usually comes out a couple of days after the fact. So again, shout out to everybody who stayed with us tonight. Thanks for those who engaged. Shout out to the folks on fray deck. Have a good night to our veterans and military spouse community. Thank you for your service. I think I did all the things. So y'all have a good night. I'm going to, I'm going to say dueces to y'all and hang out with my friends. Talk to you later. Bye everyone.
Speaker 1:Bye everyone.