Unlock the secrets of empowering women in the workplace with our latest episode, where we delve into why supporting female peers can sometimes feel like a challenge. Our expert guest, a pioneer in women's leadership, explores breaking the competitive cycle and harnessing the power of solidarity, especially during Women’s History Month. We also tackle the essentials of crafting a compelling virtual presence in today’s digital age, from making a strong first impression online to fostering empathy in digital interactions.
Beyond professional realms, we discuss the art of communication in personal life, sharing insights on balancing advocacy with empathy and transforming conflicts into growth opportunities. Whether you’re aiming to enhance your parenting approach or boost your communication skills, this episode offers invaluable advice. Join hosts Tomika Snodgrass and Fihmiya Hamdan for a riveting conversation that promises to resonate across all facets of life.
Come join us at our virtual events monthly. Visit our website to learn more.
Unlock the secrets of empowering women in the workplace with our latest episode, where we delve into why supporting female peers can sometimes feel like a challenge. Our expert guest, a pioneer in women's leadership, explores breaking the competitive cycle and harnessing the power of solidarity, especially during Women’s History Month. We also tackle the essentials of crafting a compelling virtual presence in today’s digital age, from making a strong first impression online to fostering empathy in digital interactions.
Beyond professional realms, we discuss the art of communication in personal life, sharing insights on balancing advocacy with empathy and transforming conflicts into growth opportunities. Whether you’re aiming to enhance your parenting approach or boost your communication skills, this episode offers invaluable advice. Join hosts Tomika Snodgrass and Fihmiya Hamdan for a riveting conversation that promises to resonate across all facets of life.
Come join us at our virtual events monthly. Visit our website to learn more.
Thank you.
Speaker 1:All right, welcome back everybody. This is part two, art of Effective Communication. We're just going to pull you into the conversation. We already started talking. Hello everybody. You know I'm very surprised.
Speaker 1:Thank you, streamyard, for fixing the issue so that now people can watch us on Facebook, linkedin, x, youtube and a shout out to the community on Parade Deck. So, hi, everybody, Y'all, we're going to continue the conversation that we have with my friends. If you missed it last week, you need to go back and catch the replay. At this point. You can catch us wherever you get your audio podcasts and also the video that you obviously are watching here. So please go back and listen to the conversation and we're gonna dive right in, because we have we always have the best conversations in the green room, oh hello hi dumping ground.
Speaker 1:Thank you for sharing us y'all. Please don't forget to like the video. This is a free way to support the channel on the youtube streets and um also, that way I don't get kicked off. So thank y'all. But we started talking, um, about, uh, really communication. But you know, we're gonna shift it a little bit. I think this is going to be really helpful, as we're thinking about even how we communicate our needs, and you know what we're looking for from our leaders, especially um.
Speaker 1:But we started talking about, uh, this, this season, that we're looking for from our leaders especially. But we started talking about this season that we're in, especially, I think, within the 2024, 2020, this timeframe that we're in, where things have shifted a little bit. When you think about women in leadership and even how we communicate. What we want and part of what we were talking about just to bring you guys into the conversation is, as women. When some women get to a certain level, it's almost like they abandon ship when it comes to helping to elevate other women, and so I was giving my prognostication of why I think that that is the case, but this is something that we don't talk about a lot, and I think this is going to really help, especially that the younger and older women, as you're, you know as you, as you're working together, whether you're in a corporate space or you're in a company where it's just the two of you, or you know a small company, whatever.
Speaker 1:But let's talk a little bit more about what we started to make. I'm going to toss it to you about. You know what is it like, what is that? What is that thing and why are we? Why do we compete? You know what, what, what, what, how do we address some of these things? I'm going to toss it to you so we can. We're going to keep the conversation rolling.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. Thank you so much for having me back, Shelly. I'm always excited to get on your podcast and we do what was done to us oftentimes, and so that type of leadership comes from a place of insecurity. This is what happened to me. I had to fight and battle, you know, my way up the corporate ladder and now you're going to pay your dues too, so I'm not going to help you, you know. The other thing is that insecure feeling that if I reach down and pull you up, then where am I supposed to go?
Speaker 2:so I can't let you get up here with me because, right, it's very competitive and it's ugly. Here's the thing when you reach down and you elevate another woman, you amplify another woman's voice. It does not dim your light, it does not knock you out of place. What happens is it elevates you too. When you, when you, elevate another woman, it elevates you, so you move them into position and then guess what?
Speaker 2:there's a higher position waiting for you. There's room for all of us to rise. There's room for all of us to shine. We don't need to tear each other down and destroy each other. We don't need to compete with each other. Let's help each other.
Speaker 2:But that's where that comes from. It's really from a place of insecurity and it's also repeating. It's repeating what we had to go through and we need to break that cycle. And the way to break that cycle is speak up for other women. Give other women an opportunity to sit alongside you at the table. If you're invited to the table, invite another woman to the table.
Speaker 2:Speak highly of your female colleagues you should speak highly of all your colleagues if you can but especially other women. Let's not talk negatively about one another and tear each other down. Build each other up. Speak well not only of yourself, but speak well of other women too. There's room for all of us, and if we start doing that, what you'll find is more women in leadership positions. Why do we need that? Because we, as women, bring a unique perspective that's different from any man. They can't share what we share, okay, so that's why we need more women in leadership positions. But we can't do that when we're tearing each other down and destroying each other and trying to hurt each other. So my thing is let's be positive, let's help each other. There's room for all of us to grow and stretch and expand.
Speaker 1:And let the church say amen. I love that.
Speaker 1:I love that so much and I want to pivot a little bit to communication, uh, and for me, I'm thinking about advocacy. And so now, as we're thinking about how we communicate that level of advocacy, um, for other women and again I know we're talking about, you know, mainly women. Obviously we mean men as well, but we are going to celebrate Women's History Month and closing it out, focusing on the ladies. We're going to go ahead and take that. So I wonder if you could talk about, you know, advocacy and how do we communicate that in a way that we're helping other women?
Speaker 3:women. Yeah Well, I definitely want to say thank you, shelly, for having me on the show, and then Tamika, everything that you said just hit on so many great points, and something that I really want to touch on before I get into that question, shelly, is communication is one of the underlying behaviors in community right Without effective communication, you really cannot build or create a unified community, and everything that Tamika spoke about really kind of just sets the tone for building that community of diverse voices to really elevate especially women in leadership positions.
Speaker 3:And ways to advocate for that are if you see a woman that's in a leadership position, highlight her and recognize that win for her, because what happens is you really set the tone and set that example for other thought leaders to come through. Because when we're too busy pulling people down or women down, people are gonna want to go look elsewhere. They're no longer gonna look at you with that mentor, that guide, that individual that they're going to reach out to for help. They're gonna go look for someone else. So in fact, when you're bringing somebody down, you're doing yourself a disservice. You're only making yourself. Look is the word bad right, yeah, I mean.
Speaker 3:I'll run the other way and for me it's a very hard concept to grasp, because to Mika and I share similar values and we like to open space, expand it, stretch it, because the more you do that, the more you become that leader that everybody wants to come to. You become their role model. So I would say, just invite people into the leadership positions as much as you can and do role-playing activities. That for me in itself, we really implement the practice of thought leadership as far as when women come into leadership roles and what that looks like really putting it into action and modeling it as well I love that.
Speaker 1:I love that and I was thinking so earlier, earlier this afternoon or earlier today. Um I I led this presentation for a group of um my close 29 girlfriends. I led a presentation and we actually talked about um communication. So this is so timely because this was something that was on the calendar and I w I wouldn't have known that we were going to be talking about effective communication on the same day that I presented on effective communication. I'm not going to say that word again.
Speaker 1:Oh, does it start with y'all? But, man, it was so good and you know some of the things that I shared. I talked about, um, how we show up in person, how we show up virtually. Even I had a slide that I had a picture of a woman in a, in a headscarf, you know, like like listen sisters, a headscarf, not the type you wear outside the house, and that picture was just juxtaposition against a woman who was dressed for work and she was working virtually.
Speaker 1:But you know, the idea here was, you know, being mindful of how we show up, because that is also a part of how we communicate and people get so easily distracted. So if you're coming to a meeting with me and you know, and you're working virtually and you're, I can't come on camera because I didn't, I didn't get dressed yet for the day, and it's 10 o'clock, meeting is over, that means you don't care enough about my time, you don't value my time, and so, therefore, I'm not going to reciprocate and give you my time. You don't value my time and so, therefore, I'm not gonna reciprocate and give you my time, right? So I wonder if, um, oh, thank you, I'm gonna drop this because I I do tend to miss come. Oh, thank you so much. Yeah, oh, thank you so much I love that?
Speaker 1:yeah, I appreciate that, thank you. So I wonder if you could give um some advice, uh, when it comes to how we communicate in person you know, this is again not just the words, but how we're showing up and some advice on how we should communicate when we're virtual. Even so, I'll start with Captain T first and then General F later.
Speaker 2:I love that you brought that up, though, because communication is more than just our words. It's our tone of voice, it's our body language. You know, we, we show. It's the way we show up for ourselves. We're always communicating. I always say you know you're communicating and you're speaking loud and clear before you even open your mouth. So when you walk into a room, you're communicating. So I love that you said that, and one of the things I want to talk about is virtual communication.
Speaker 2:OK, I think that's so important and since the pandemic, we're doing that so much more, and I really think we need to focus on how we show up and how we communicate virtually. If you're invited to a virtual meeting, you know, even if you don't want to turn your camera on, do it anyway, because you've been invited to a meeting where you see the other person. They want to see you as well. So be prepared for that meeting, show up, prepared to give your best self.
Speaker 2:You know, if you didn't have your hair, done, make sure your hair is looking presentable so you can turn that camera on, can turn that camera on. So that's one of the biggest things and that goes along not just with uh communication, but it's also emotional intelligence and it's also executive presence, right. And so if let's say you're interviewing for a job, one person shows up a candidate shows up without the camera on or dressed inappropriately, maybe holes in their shirt. If they do come on the camera and the other person is professional and well-dressed hair put together, you know they showed up on time, they care about their background and what everything looks like behind them. You're automatically going to be more attracted to that candidate who showed up more powerfully.
Speaker 2:Yeah, now we say people should not judge other people, and that may be true, but the fact is, it's human nature to do so and that's what we attract. So think about that. Think about what you put out into the world. That's the way you communicate. What you're putting out into the world is exactly what you attract back, right, and so I want people who show up powerfully and as their best selves, which means that is what I'm going to put out there. I'm going to show up powerfully, I'm going to show up as my best self, because that's what I want to see.
Speaker 2:So I just wanted to share that. About virtual communication, I see that a lot. You know I've been invited to meetings where people will say to me I'm sorry, I can't turn my camera on today, I didn't, uh, do my hair or my office is not clean and I'm like you invited me to this meeting. You're like, I want to see your face. Here I am, I did my hair, I brushed my teeth.
Speaker 3:You know what you could turn off your camera too. Wrote too exactly, okay, click like awkward.
Speaker 2:It's about respect too, it is right. It's about respect for yourself and for the other person that you're communicating with.
Speaker 1:So that's a good point.
Speaker 2:Yeah, all right, general I love these nicknames, I love it. I mean, you know, everybody just changed that's watching us.
Speaker 1:So for the community, watching us live stream y'all they're not active members. Please don't come for me.
Speaker 2:We're not.
Speaker 3:You know. But you know Camika said a lot of great things. You know when I think of you know communication, especially effective communication, really that's your way to connect with people. So if somebody's got their camera turned off, I really can't connect with you because I can't see you. I can't read your body language, because a lot of communication is also the unspoken words, and this is very timely as I'm sharing out a video on that tomorrow. Oh, wow, yeah. So I'm just like the timing of this is just wild, because you know, what happens is we get so focused on the words that are spoken, which is innate, right, that's a human, it's part of our human nature just to focus on what Tamika is saying, what Shelly is doing, but also it's like, let me just take a step back and just read the room, read the tone, as Tamika said, read the energy. Is this person actually engaged? Are they leaning in? Are they just like so distracted that they're looking elsewhere? Are they bored? What is it?
Speaker 3:And I think a lot of it is also about the alignment of the conversation happening. Like, what kind of conversation is happening here? If Tamika wants to have a deep conversation? And I'm talking about something else, that makes absolutely no sense. There's going to be a big, huge gap, a disconnect. It's going to leave me frustrated because I didn't listen and then Tamika is going to be talking or no. I'm sorry Tamika is going to be upset or resent me for not listening to what was actually happening in the conversation.
Speaker 3:So it's the purpose, the type of conversation that's going to happen. So what I do a lot as a community manager is I really truly have to understand the audience that I'm around that opportunity to do that. There's going to be so much confusion, so much disconnect, so much miscommunication because I'm not taking the opportunity to try to figure out, you know, what does tamika need, what does tamika want? And same thing with you, shelley. So a lot of this revolves around the community aspect as well. So a lot of it seemed through to meika's comments, which was awesome, general F, at your service.
Speaker 1:Sorry, I just had to do that. Entire parade deck community is like excuse me, what now?
Speaker 2:But it does.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So you know, I love how you connected the dots between communication and community as well, and I wanted to get your take both of your takes on the role that empathy plays. So something that I shared earlier is even in my communication, there is a time when there's a time for advocacy and then there's a time when there is a time for empathy without action.
Speaker 2:For example.
Speaker 1:The example that I shared was if, if you are a mom and you you robbed the store, that my heart goes out. I have empathy, but I don't agree with the action of robbing the store, right, you know. So there's a, there's a. I think there's something else that, as women, that we um, you know something we need to be mindful of is when it's time for advocacy and when it's time for for empathy and and and not have that sense of like guilt If you don't agree with everything you know. So can you guys talk to that? What are your thoughts around advocacy versus empathy, and when is it the right time and when is it time that we can say, okay, pause, this might not be a time for me to jump in and advocate.
Speaker 3:That's a good question, tanika. Did you want to go or you want me? Okay? So I've been sitting on a lot with the word empathy, because it comes up in the space with the mental health providers that I'm surrounded by and this whole phrase of not putting yourself in one's shoes, which now I can fully understand, right. So I flipped my language on that and saying that I can empathize by understanding and sharing, right that support with that individual.
Speaker 3:So a lot of the times I ask that individual because, again, with my sister, we have to work on our conversation. Our communication is asking what is it that you need from me? It's again going back to the type of conversation, right, shelly, what do you need for me? Would you like me just to listen or would you like me to offer your feedback or your support? Because that, right there, sets the tone for what it is you're looking for. I know what to offer you as far as support or feedback, and then that way we can both leave the conversation like at ease. Like you know, I got what I needed from Shelly I was there for for Mia and vice versa, because if I come in and I start offering you solicited advice and you're like girl, I just want to do, wanted you to listen. I'm not talking to her again, and this happens a lot with my sister too, and where I practice, it is like I, using the I statements right because that's the statement I'm using.
Speaker 3:I need you to listen to me today to set the tone of. Don't give me this feedback that I don't want to hear. I. I just want you to listen to me, um, and that's it. Give me your undivided attention, without your cell phone, um, and really hear what I'm saying. Cause her and I struggle with that because she's so distracted and I'll tell her. I'm like, if you're not ready to have this conversation with me, maybe we need to leave it for another time. So it's really just kind of pulling back and reading the body cues and really paying attention with the empathy, but I won't say that I've been in your shoes because I haven't been in your shoes. I haven't been there in the exact time. I don't know what Tameka really felt like in that moment, but at least I can empathize with her shared experience. Just say, if I don't have the right words for you right now, at least know that I'm here for you. However, you need me.
Speaker 2:Oh, I love that. Wow, you know, I want to add to what you said about those I statements. That is such a powerful technique, right, when you're demonstrating empathy is to use I statements, because then it immediately, you know it disarms that other person, because sometimes when we communicate, especially when we're having those difficult conversations, that other person, you know they got the dukes up right, they ready, Come on, I'm coming for you, Tamika.
Speaker 2:They ready, it's going down right, but when we use the I statements, we take away the blaming and the shaming right and you're just saying I hear you, I want to know, what do you need, how, how will I help you? You know, and that is very disarming and it's very powerful to do that and it immediately takes the temperature down when you're about to have a difficult conversation. Nobody likes conflict. We want to avoid it.
Speaker 2:But when you just take it on yourself and say, look, I'm here, I'm here for you, I want to be of support, I want to help. What can I do? How can I be better? How can I be there for you? How can I serve you? I love those I statements.
Speaker 3:You know that that powerful way.
Speaker 2:The most important thing, though, Shelly, that I want to say is that it's empathy that builds those bridges right. And helps us have those deep, more meaningful communications, and so for me, it's about understanding the other person's emotion, if you can, and understanding their perspective, and that means active listening, you know, and not not listening and just waiting for your chance, like like remember, you're ready to jump in.
Speaker 2:It's your turn. You know when is my turn. I want you to shut up so I can get in there. It's not that it's really listening. Sometimes it's only listening.
Speaker 2:I love what Femiah said about asking what do you need? Do you need my advice or do you want me to just listen? You need a shoulder and do that. That's what empathy is. What do you need? How can I help you? I care about you. How are you feeling? How can I make it better for you?
Speaker 2:That's what it's about, and we need that in our personal lives as well as at work, in our professional lives. So that's one of the best things we can do as leaders and women. We can do that so naturally. We don't even have to try because we're nurturing. So don't resist it, because that's what happens to us as women leaders. We try to conform to what society says we should be. We try to communicate the way society says we should communicate, which is to model ourselves after men leaders. We're different. Our perspective is different. The way we communicate is different. We're naturally empathetic. So use that nurturing side of yourself, incorporate that into your leadership style, because as women, that's one of our biggest superpowers is that we naturally are able to be empathetic towards other people that's fantastic.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so complex communication landscape, otherwise known as conflicts. I want to know what kind of advice you would share, as you're, as for the younger, for the younger worker, with the older boss and a boss could be, you know, supervisor could be male or female. What are some of the what's some of the advice you would give in terms of how to disarm conflict or, you know, communicate when there's conflict? Is there something that you would advise younger workers? You know folks who are new to the workforce that you know they can follow, so whoever wants to go first and kind of jump in.
Speaker 2:I'll go ahead and jump in on this one, because I've been in these situations. I need to learn, yeah, I would say, and I think this is just an important part of effective communication. I need to learn, I would say, and I think this is just an important part of effective communication. Anyway, it's that active listening part, yes, and I mean being intentional about it. You know, I envision myself oftentimes when I'm about to have a difficult conversation. I envision a zipper over my lips.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Because I'm a very extroverted person and I often do a lot of the talking, but my intention is to listen and to understand the other person's perspective and that means I need to be quiet and not do so much talking. And I want to listen with the intention of understanding, not to write. I'm not jumping in with the dukes up like you wrong. No, that's not what happened. No, you know. Listen, I want to hear your perspective, um, and so active listening is important. Asking clarifying questions when you're dealing with, you know, conflict navigation is so important. That demonstrates respect and it demonstrates that I care. I really want to hear what you have to say, but when you don't understand, ask an open-ended, clarifying question so that you get that other person to open up and really express what is at the root of this issue right, I care about clearing this up.
Speaker 2:Tell me exactly what is going on from your perspective and I want to hear it and then repeat back. Ok, what I hear you saying is this Is that? Right. So it's really about engaging in a deeper, more meaningful conversation. For me, it said earlier using those I statements, so you're not blaming the other person, and then I'm going to give you this. One other one and this is important in verbal communication as well as in writing is the power of pause yeah oh my gosh, that one, okay, I literally talked.
Speaker 1:But, by the way, y'all for those of y'all who are in the sister circle, you know who you are. Y'all watch the replay. I did not have a conversation with Tamika about what we talked about earlier. I promise you a lot of things that you covered active listening. I even shared how I use pause as a strategy. I won't say it here because some of it was business related.
Speaker 1:I use pause as a strategy and as a part of what I do and how I use power and when um use power and when I use influence and how I use power and follow to do all that, and that. That ain't that, ain't free information. That's what people. But I love that you bring this up, the pause thing, because there is something that happens also when I was growing up um taking it back to church, um, there's something that some skilled pastors used to do if you go to the church, you understand what I'm saying where they would pause in the middle of the sermon and I would. First of all, I used to be so annoyed by it because I realized that why are you stopping? But it was to stop. It caught a moment and it caused you to reflect on what they said.
Speaker 1:Then I was like, oh, I could do that like I get it, I get it now the pause, because it gives you a chance to you know, sometimes I don't know the answer and I would use, I would pause so I could catch my thought yeah pause to buy myself time, pause to get out of the room, whatever.
Speaker 1:You need Pause to destabilize the person that I'm talking to as well. It's a power move, so I would use it to destabilize the person that I'm talking to, because you don't know what to do. If you're talking to someone and all of a sudden they take a pause, your natural response is to fill the gap because you're like wait, what happened? Yeah, destabilize. So I love that you brought up um pause as well as a communication.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it also allows you to regulate the emotions yes, right you just take that deep breath, take a moment, you regulate your emotions and you hold space for the other person to gather themselves and regulate their emotions too. So that's important. Whether you're communicating verbally Now, if you're communicating by email, hour of pause you don't have to respond right now. That's the beauty of email. You can come back to that email later.
Speaker 2:So if you have something negative to say, you know, like our parents used to say if you don't have nothing good to say, don't nothing right yeah or pause and don't send it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, pause and don't send it, don't send it, you know even if you type it up, I recommend you don't type it up because you might accidentally hit the send button, just walk away, take a walk, take a few deep breaths, sleep on it If you need to respond the next day. There's power in pausing and it is a strategy. It is a power move Absolutely. So that's what I would recommend. Goes in my recommendation.
Speaker 1:I love that. So for me, when we're thinking about um a conflict, conflict and communication in our response, um, this is some. You know this could be stressful for a lot of folks and I wonder if you have any thoughts around even managing the stress Like you know I'm thinking about. You know we all don't respond to conflict the same way. Some of the West Indians go a little harder than others, but do you have any advice to help us with how we manage, how do we respond in a way that's not so stressful and help us? I think it's the mental health and the mental wellness that I'm concerned about, like when it comes to a stressful conversation. What are your thoughts about that?
Speaker 3:Yeah, so I've had several right, being that I've been an educator and had to defuse a lot of situations students, parents, admin state you name it.
Speaker 3:A lot of fires being put out at one time. I think it's the skill of being adaptable and flexible and knowing that majority, if not all the time, it's not about you, they're not going at attacking you, it's just they're frustrated right. So it's there in that heat of that moment. So two hotheads don't make a positive right. So one of us has to be more level-headed and come in with a very calm and very soothing tone, even though inside it may not be that way. But in order, you got to come with a calming tone, otherwise it's just going to really amplify the argument that's happening. So in community spaces there's a lot of personalities and there's going to be a lot of feedback. Some of it is not going to be what you want to hear, but at the same time, again, it's not about me, right, it's about what can we do as a collective group to really help foster and nurture a community where everybody can contribute and everyone can get along. So again, it is practicing the pause. So if I get feedback, I'm just like, ooh, that stings. I'm like, wait, it's not about you, for me it's just that person right, there is need something and I really need to pay attention to what it is.
Speaker 3:So in that moment I have to decide do I ignore that behavior or do I address it? Which do I do? So I don't do it publicly, right? I never do that to anyone. So I contact them on the side, phone, call, dm, whichever their communication style is. And that's the other thing too, shelly, as a community manager, I have to figure out what's your communication style. I have to figure out what do you like. Do you like DMs, do you like emails? What is it that you need that you're most comfortable with?
Speaker 3:And then I address it and I said you know you seemed a little upset Is there something wrong? Is it something that happened within the community space? What is it? Because I feel like if we ignore what's happening around us, it only amplifies the problem and it makes it even bigger. But really nipping it into the butt and figure out a way to address it and using the I statements you know, like Tameka and I mentioned, because anytime you use the word you did this oh, you're asking for somebody to come at you. So I learned through my siblings not to do that they're my guinea pigs, by the way.
Speaker 3:Practicing this and really just using that pause as a moment to kind of step back and be like what is this conversation really about? What's really going on here and, like Tamika said, really digging deep and asking those questions, because we don't have to agree all the time. We can agree to disagree, but what I can do, at least, is try to empathize with you and try to understand what is going on. How can I fix this so it doesn't keep spreading like wildfire here in the community, because it's happened multiple times in community. Community is messy, but we have to figure out ways to come together and figure it out through communication. So that's why it's such a big deal and I love the fact that we're talking about it, because I'm like, yes, yes, this works, this makes sense.
Speaker 1:So for all the parents of teenagers, now I'm going to, I'm going to ask, maybe, maybe this this would be my second to last. I got two more questions, but this is I want to do this one for the parents, parents of teenagers because communication typically is done on this thing called a cell phone and not necessarily in person anymore. So I wonder, and I wonder how, how we can maybe make some improvements, in that I feel like there are a lot of us parents who've kind of given up, we gave up the fight and we're like, forget it. I'll just text you child, because I don't want to talk about it anymore. But are there tips that you guys can share for how we especially now older folks, how we communicate back?
Speaker 1:to younger people. Is there anything that you can help the mamas who need it?
Speaker 3:I can jump in. That's okay to me. Okay, so I'm I'm not a I'm not a parent, but I am been blessed with 10 nieces and nephews that I practically had the opportunity to um raise. And from my standpoint, as the aunt, maybe step in mom is the language. Sometimes we're speaking a language that does not make sense to them. They are living in another world that has all this verbiage and phrases that I'm just like.
Speaker 3:Let me take it down a notch and really get to their level and meet them where they're at and speak a language that's clear and it makes sense and it resonates with them, because there's always going to be an underlying root problem that they're going through. It's just, I have to figure out a way that they can understand. And again, what is it? What is their communication style, what? What would they resonate most with? If I'm talking one way and they're not, we're just going to be all over the place and there's going to be a big, uh, disconnect. I mean, that's just my view from being an aunt. Um is really trying to figure out what language makes sense to them and how can I reach them from a communication style. I love that.
Speaker 1:I love it yeah, okay listen.
Speaker 2:I know timmy has got lots of experience now I've raised mine, okay, so I have two grown folks out here, and I think both of my kids will tell you this. One of the most important things is to create an environment with your kids where they feel safe talking to you about anything. That's the biggest mistake that I see parents making is that there are certain conversations that are off limits, and I was raised by two amazing parents, but they were old school parents. There's certain things you don't say, there's certain things we don't talk about, and I want it to be different with my kids. We can talk about any and everything, and I create a safe space for them to come to me with anything, and they have said some things to me that I'm like, oh god, help me.
Speaker 2:It's so important because, as familia said, these kids are living in a world that I don't know anything about. They're dealing with bullying, and you know cyber bullying and you know all kinds of sexual identity concerns and just all these different things, and they need a safe place, and that safe place should be their parents. They should always feel like they can come to us and be able to talk to us about anything, and the other thing is be willing to talk to them about any and everything everything, because sometimes they want to talk about things that you don't want to talk about. Mmm, you're screaming your pillow later. That's what I used to do but be open and non-judgmental and just listen and let them know you hear them, because that's what they need, and I'm going to share this without going into too much detail. Many of you parents may have heard you know, this has been all over the news and everything of these kids that have taken their own lives due to being bullied online or being scammed online right.
Speaker 2:Sexting scams, and they've been. You know. They may have been enticed to show pictures of themselves. This is very serious. This is something we didn't deal with, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:So the most important thing in terms of communication is to let our children know there is nothing that you could possibly do that will make me stop loving you. I don't care what it is. You can come to me, I don't care with anything. I'm never going to love you less, and I say that because my son had that issue where someone was trying to scam him in that way and he was distraught and thought my life is over. This is it, and I'm like, oh no, your life is beginning. It is not over. We don't care anything about that. We love you, we know you. Your reputation speaks for itself. Let's talk about this. Here's what we need to do. Let's come up with a plan. We're going to the police. This is what we're going to do, and it was over just as fast as it began. But it was because I have kids who can come to their parents and say this is what happened. I don't know what to do, wow.
Speaker 3:Okay, you know, tamika, it's because you set that tone, that's right, you set the environment up for them, but that's what.
Speaker 2:I want to convey, set that tone with your kids, because sometimes they come to you with things you would not have imagined that they would be going through something like that. But the most important thing is that you're that soft landing place and you can talk about it and you can work it out together. Right, they're not alone.
Speaker 2:They need to know they're not alone in what they're going through, and you're going to help them and you're going to love them and be with them, no matter what. So that's what I would say Be open, be empathetic, listen, be non-judgmental about it, because, think back, we've all done things that we didn't all I gotta do is think about putting my business out in these streets.
Speaker 2:But I've been young and carefree, you know, and they have to be kids and they have to experience life, but we're there to help. So so be open, communicate, talk about any and everything with your kids. You're such a great mom Tamika. Because that's what kids want.
Speaker 3:They want to feel safe, right, they don't want to be judged and labeled. Because I've asked my nieces and nephews why didn't you tell me these things? Like we were scared to tell you. I'm like why would you be scared? I'm not judging you. You know this is a judgment-free zone but, like you said, you really have to set that tone and remind them constantly. Right and by the way I'm also a strict disciplinarian.
Speaker 2:I'm not the mom that says yes to everything, so I'm not saying that yeah I'm set your boundaries. I've struck out with your boundaries. We have rules, but one of the rules is we can talk about any and everything. You're not going to get in trouble if you tell me you know. Whatever it is, if you've been drinking at a party, call me. I'm coming to get you no judgment.
Speaker 2:I'm picking you up safe right, I love that that's the most important thing be open to all conversation. If you have a kid that's coming to you and willing to talk to you, that's a good thing. That is a good thing. Blessing, that's an amazing thing. Oh, it's a blessing, that is an amazing thing Y'all.
Speaker 1:I really I do not like, I don't want to end this.
Speaker 2:I don't want to end it either, already.
Speaker 1:Already.
Speaker 2:I know I'm like come on.
Speaker 1:You know I am so thrilled to have been joined by Oprah and Sally. Jesse Raphael, you're a master, general T. In general, this has been so good. There's so many jewels in here that, literally that I think this is helpful. It's not just for women. We talked about things that were also really helpful to parents. We talked about things that were helpful to older and younger generations. We gave you all some tips. We shared some best practices. We gave you all some tips. We shared some best practices. We gave you some insights. You got some jokes and smiles.
Speaker 1:Um, you know, you learned about it. You really did learn about effective communication and a lot of, a lot of what it takes, it does. It is a process. It, you know you will. You will have to learn how to fail fast, as they say. It is a process. It is something that can be improved over time If you're very committed to improving the way that you communicate.
Speaker 1:We talked about showing up in person, talked about showing up virtually. We talked about communication as a part of a community and what that looks like. You know we covered a lot of things. So y'all go back and this is one of those videos where it's like this is this is a college course. This is a good one for those people who work, professionals, who work in the communications field, cause there's some notes in here that I think would be helpful for y'all.
Speaker 1:But this is this is also good If you also good if you're coming into the business world, or, again, it doesn't matter if you're working, you know front of the line, you're a cashier, you're a supervisor, it doesn't matter. We all have to work on our communication skills so we can clearly identify our needs and have those met as it makes sense. So I'm grateful for your time. We're going to have to figure out. I wish we could do something. We're going to need to do something else where we're like in person and like we're doing a women's conference thing, because this to me is like no, we need, like women, to come to a conference to hear this.
Speaker 2:Oh, here we go. You already know it's getting ready to happen.
Speaker 1:Hey, you know what I'm gonna say yes, yes all right, we need up, we need a whole conference. We need a whole conference because this is just too good. This isn't y'all aren't getting. You're getting 10, you're not getting 100, because you need that touch point. So we'll have to figure out a way to to have a conference where we bring women together, we have these amazing panels and roundtables and we share and talk about what's going to help all of us.
Speaker 1:So with that, I'm going to say y'all, thank you so much for doing this. I'm so grateful that you again, you gave us your time, you gave us your insight and your talent for free. Y'all, just for me, they are not free. If you reach out to these women, they are a high value asset. We're costly, right, they are investment.
Speaker 1:So if you're looking, you know, if you're looking for, you know, really talented women to help you and you're within your business, whatever those needs are, you can find them both on linkedin. I know we're live on linkedin as well. So for those of y'all in the linkedin, you can, you know, make sure that you're connecting with both of them or following them. You know they do. They do share out really, really insightful information all the time. So it is available to you but make sure you're connecting with both of them. You know, get them, put them in your Rolodex, like we used to back in the eighties, but really make a good connection with both of them, and I'm so grateful Y'all. Before we go, is there anything that you wanted to say that you didn't get a chance to say before we tell the people? Deuces.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I want to say something really quick. You know, something that I've been really just honing in on and I've been picking up a lot through the work that I'm doing is every opportunity that we get to communicate with someone is an opportunity to grow right. I learned so much about myself. When I communicate and have a conversation with you, shelly and Tamika, I'm like, oh my God, that's good. Let me write this down, because it's my opportunity to learn from you all, but you to also learn from me and we don't necessarily again have to agree, but we can at least empathize, you know, given the different and diverse perspectives and viewpoints that we have.
Speaker 3:Because it's my way of actually underlying, really, without you realizing, me connecting, because then I learn more about you and your background and your journey and why you think the way you do and why you feel the way you do too. So that's just how I come in with my teacher lens.
Speaker 1:Tamika, I would not want to go behind her. She just told me I never want to go behind her.
Speaker 2:I will keep this short and sweet. I just want to add this one thing, and, tamika, you and I have talked about this Assume good intentions on the part of the other person, and that goes a long way.
Speaker 2:Not everybody is out to get you and, as we talked about earlier, sometimes something is going on with that other person and you don't know what it is. So give grace, assume good intentions, that they don't mean you any harm and that a conversation needs to be had, and that conversation is an opportunity to learn more, it's an opportunity to grow and it's an opportunity to develop a deep, meaningful relationship and make an impact in the life of another person. So I'll leave you with that. Wow, that is amazing.
Speaker 1:Okay, well, never mind, you shut us both down. She did Bye. I know we're out of here, all right, whatever y'all, all right, y'all. Thank you so much for watching y'all again. You know, if you're watching on the video, please make sure to like even if you're watching the replay still like the video. And then, for those of y'all who are listening to this at the end of the week, on wherever you get your favorite podcast, we appreciate the listeners. So, um, you know, drop us a line and let us know what your thoughts are only good thoughts. I only receive only good things. Y'all have a great rest of your week. Thank you so much for watching y'all. Hang out in the back room while we'll tell everybody have a good night, okay good night everybody, thank you.