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United States of PTSD
Season One: Mental health concerns are on the rise in the United States. This podcast will look at the influencing factors contributing to the decline of our culture. With the rise of school shootings, political divisiveness, increasing levels of hate, and a chronic war of peoples' rights, we have entered a domestic war that never ends. Our podcast will look at whether this is done by design or is it an abject failure. We will discuss it from a clinical and common-sense perspective. Secondarily we will discuss ways to protect yourself from being further traumatized. Hosted by Matthew Boucher LICSW LCDP (licensed in RI) who has over 20 years of experience working with people who have addictions and trauma with a specialty of pregnant/postpartum women. Co-host Wendy Picard is a Learning and Development consultant with 15 years of experience, lifelong observer of the human condition, and diagnosed with PTSD in 1994.
Season Two: Is joined by Donna Gaudette and Julia Kirkpatrick BSW. Julia is currently working on obtaining her MSW and her LCSW. She is a welcome addition to the podcast.
Season Three: Cora Lee Kennedy provided research and worked as a temporary co-host. Dr. Erika Lin-Hendel joins as a co-host for season 3.
United States of PTSD
S 3 E: 5 A Story of Resilience and Renewal
What happens when unexpected acts of kindness force you to confront your deepest fears? Dave Murphy shares his riveting story of surviving a brutal attack in 1994 that left him with PTSD, reshaping his life in unforeseen ways. As he navigates the thorny landscape of trauma, mental health, and recovery, Dave unveils how a moment of compassion from those who resembled his assailants became a turning point. Listen as he recounts his transformative journey, from grappling with alcohol and weight gain to finding healing after the birth of his daughter.
The unexpected creation of a children's book, which resulted from he and his daughter completing their first 5K races. Their journey underscores the profound impact of community, humor, and perseverance, especially when overcoming life's hurdles.
The episode also examines the multifaceted path of healing through boxing, mental health advocacy, and the uplifting power of connection. From a man's weight loss journey and the solace found in boxing to critical discussions on Canada's medical assistance in dying program, we unravel the complexities of trauma and healing. Encouraging open conversations about mental health, particularly for men, the narrative champions vulnerability as a strength. By sharing stories of personal challenges and resilience, we aim to foster a supportive community, celebrating the courage to seek help and the transformative power of empathy.
Get the facts on MAID | Dying With Dignity Canada
In The Heart Of The Forest: Murphy, Dave, Davidson, Jennifer: 9781998568086: Books - Amazon.ca
https://www.facebook.com/share/p/1AV7JBf3na/
Man driven to shed over 170 pounds after disappointing 4-year-old daughter: 'Now she's smiling all the time' | Fox News
Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!):
https://uppbeat.io/t/hartzmann/no-time-to-die
License code: S4CEQWLNQXVZUMU4
Artwork and logo design by Misty Rae.
Special thanks to Joanna Roux for editing help.
Special thanks to the listeners and all the wonderful people who helped listen to and provide feedback on the episode's prerelease.
Please feel free to email Matt topics or suggestions, questions or feedback.
Matt@unitedstatesofPTSD.com
This podcast is not intended to serve as therapeutic advice or to replace any professional treatment. These opinions belong to us and do not reflect any company or agency.
Speaker 2:Hello everybody and welcome back to another episode of the United States of PTSD. Today I have a special guest, david Murphy, or Dave, do you prefer, dave or David, dave? Dave Murphy, dave is the author of two books that I'm going to have him tell you about, and he has gone through a personal tragedy that actually is how he got to the point of writing those books. So, dave, I'm going to let you just kind of take over.
Speaker 1:Sure. So I guess my story starts in 1994. I was walking near a mall in Ottawa and I got approached by three guys who have ended up attacking me and of course back then I wasn't a boxer. I didn't know how to defend myself and I thought I did, but I started to walk away. They took off and then I passed out to the ground and I was stabbed 13 times two pretty severe ones in my leg that tore half the muscle. Nine times in my back I had a punctured lung, I had one wound, miss my heart by an inch and I'm pretty lucky to be here.
Speaker 1:So for about 25 years I didn't know how to deal with PTSD. I didn't even know I had PTSD, I just couldn't sleep. I used to go out drinking by the pitcher maybe four to six nights a week and I'd just get obliterated. That's basically what you call a sad clown. All my friends would oh man, you're so funny, you're just doing all the stupid things of karaoke. It was just an escape for me because I didn't know how to deal with. All my friends would oh man, you're so funny, you're like just doing all the stupid things of karaoke. And you know it was. It was just an escape room because I didn't know how to deal with all this anxiety and not being able to sleep.
Speaker 2:And which is totally understandable. I mean, that's a that's a major, major incident. What did you have? A support network right afterwards. What did that look like after the, after the attack?
Speaker 1:I didn't really have anything because I just I was really good at faking a smile and everyone just thought I was perfectly okay. I mean, when I saw anyone that looked like the guys that did that to me, I mean they were from, they're from Somalia, I'm okay saying that. But whenever I would see anyone that from there that looked like them, i'd'd have to get off public transit or I'd cross the street because I didn't want to walk past them. And my first big wake-up call was when my ex-wife was eight months pregnant. We were moving into a fourth-floor apartment building and I was doing it by myself, just one box at a time building. And I was doing it by myself, just one box at a time.
Speaker 1:And the guys that live below us, there were three Somalian guys and they start walking towards me and I'm like, oh God, here we go again. They're going to, they're going to beat the crap out of me. And the guy was like hey, do you want some help? So him, he called in. There were six of them. He called in six of his friends and they helped me for an hour and that was my first big wake up call. You know, it's like everybody's not like this and it was. I told this story before and someone was like oh man, that's so racist. I'm like no man, you don't. You don't get what it's like in your head.
Speaker 1:Like to me, it wouldn't matter if they were, you know, they're Irish, or they all had red hair.
Speaker 2:It was the same thing to me. Anyone that looked like those guys, I thought they were going to attack me, and that's a very common response. I mean, if you think about a victim of a sex crime, for example, when a woman is raped by a man, there's a certain amount of normalcy afterwards about being afraid of men just in general, or men that look like the attacker. So it's certainly not a racist statement, it's a trauma-based statement.
Speaker 1:Exactly, and then when my daughter was born in 2014, that's when I first went and got some professional help. I tried that for three sessions.
Speaker 2:What was the gap between that point and when the actual incident happened, like how many years have passed 1994 to 2014.
Speaker 1:So 30 years 30 years Were.
Speaker 2:They were the. Were the perpetrators ever apprehended?
Speaker 1:Yeah, they were. They got a slap in the wrist because they're all under 18. I was 17 when this happened, so I think they did some community service. I didn't want to attend the court case, so it was. Charges were down from attempted murder to aggravated assault and then they basically got like a six-month you know go pick up garbage on the highway, kind of thing.
Speaker 1:Wow, I'm sorry, dave, no, it's. You know what, when I look back at it now, I mean it made me move out west where I met the lady that will actually give you my daughter. So it's I look back on it and all the things I've done. Like I ran a charity for from 2007 to 2014,. We used to send over care packages to the military over in Afghanistan and cause I just I was just trying to pay it back forward and it started with I just used to deliver cans of coffee to like fire halls, just stuff to try and keep my mind busy, and at one point that page had 4.1 million members, so that kept me really busy, wow yeah and uh I actually met a guy because I don't know if you've heard of tim hortons, but it's a pretty big coffee franchise here in canada yeah, we have them.
Speaker 2:I think they're more common in the south here, but we have them yeah, so they opened up a.
Speaker 1:They opened up a tim hortons in the back of a semi truck and brought it over afghanistan for our soldiers and put on the base. So what we did? They had these little paper certificates were like two dollars, so people would just write a little message of support on them. I had an address from a military center in Toronto so they'd send them there directly. But in the first year we sent $100,000 worth of free coffee and then they had so much that they shared with the US guys and the British guys and got them all hooked on it. So I got an and the British guys and got them all hooked on it. So I got an email from a US Marine. Just like thanks for getting me hooked on Tim Horton's coffee. You SOB, I put on like right, Like all my guys have put on like wait from donuts and coffee.
Speaker 1:But he actually they flew a flag for me over and it was in Teji, iraq. So I have a US flag framed on my mantle downstairs and then when people come visit me like man, you're canadian, why the heck do you have a us flag? Like that's so stupid.
Speaker 2:And then I tell them the story and they're like wow, now I feel stupid, but your ability to take something that was very tragic and turn it into something very selfless but helping other people, is really it's admirable, was there. Do you have a military background? Is that what made you pick the military, or was like a family?
Speaker 1:no, I mean, I always wanted to join it and then, with losing half my muscle, my leg, and you know I wasn't I never would have passed basic training with that, but I just had so many close friends that served. And then this little coffee thing took off and then we did a. I did a video series called the gratitude project on YouTube, where people would just hold thank you signs. And I wake up and check my inbox and here's Gene Simmons and his wife, shannon, holding the thank you sign and a salute. So they I had enough to make 14 YouTube videos that were about 6 minutes long each and just like bands, like Trooper and like all these Canadian bands.
Speaker 1:But it was funny because then Shannon Tweed, gene Simmons' wife, messaged me like, hey, we're coming to Calgary. Do you want to bring some veterans to the concert? So I'm like, yeah, I'm like my old 80s hard rock mullet wearing. I'm like, are you kidding me? Like do I get to be the host? So they gave me eight, eight front row tickets to bring veterans. I got to go back meet the band and then every time they came to calgary they'd be like, how many tickets do you need? And because they reposted my stuff on. Well, what was twitter back then? All like my favorite 80s hard rock bands and they had all followed me. And then they come to town like, hey, you want to bring some veterans. I'm like, yeah, so like motley crew, judas, priest meganeth um, my daughter's favorite band splashing boots, there's like a children's entertainers. They gave us tickets, uh-huh, um, it's just all the crazy things that have happened from this. You know it was a horrible incident, but it's. It's changed my life and all the things that are happening now are just.
Speaker 2:You've clearly made a big impact in the lives of other people. That's for certain that you had mentioned. You got that letter from the, the soldier who said thank you for tim hortons. You know, because we've all gained weight. I think part of your journey was there was weight gain as a result of the tragedy as well, right?
Speaker 1:well, I was on a couch for six months. Basically I had to learn how to walk again and I was only 18 years old, and so I put on a lot of weight then and and then when I started drinking and eating pub food every night, my heaviest I was 392 pounds. So when my daughter was born I quit the binge drinking. I'd still go out once a week, but it wasn't an escape. And when she was four, we're at a little, we're at a playground and she's like dad, dad, let's race home. She's like four and a half and I'm like, oh, sweetie. I said you know, dad can't run. And her little face, that disappointment, little fire in me, like nothing.
Speaker 1:So I went online on my Facebook and I said, hey, you guys Nothing. So I went online on my Facebook and I said, hey, you guys, I'm going to drop 100 pounds this year and I'm going to donate a dollar, a pound, to my favorite charity, which is it's called Camp Praxis. They're a horse therapy program for veterans and first responders with PTSD, here in just about two hours away from me. So I hit that goal in a year. 14 people matched me, so my one100 turned into $1,400. Somebody saw that, matched that and then a horse competition business saw it and they just upped my donation to $22,000. That's amazing. So from $1 a pound it turned into almost 25 grand directly to them. Again.
Speaker 1:I had nothing coming to me directly, but yeah so then, one of my best friends he's a Baptist pastor in town, name is Joseph he signed me and my daughter up to do a 5K run, and I was so nervous because I've never ran since this all happened was.
Speaker 2:This was after you lost the weight, correct yeah, this was after I dropped 170 pounds in total.
Speaker 1:Okay, um, so I'm sitting about 240. Right now. I don't really weigh myself anymore, it's just how close fits. And so we did our five kilometer race, and I don't remember why, but my daughter was like, dad, we should write a book about this. So that was my first children's book I launched about a year and a half ago and it's just called the great race, my daddy and me, and it's. I found a. I live in a town of 3000 people and I found an illustrator who lives across the street from me. She's 15 years old and she's saving up for art college. I'm like well, why don't we do this? So she drew the pictures of us. She was very kind in the in the hair department to me.
Speaker 2:She gave me a full head of hair my, my pastor friend is in this book.
Speaker 1:He's about five foot four, but she made him taller than me and I've never heard the end of it. Um, but yeah, so that one, that one did pretty good. I mean, I met a. I'll tell you a funny story about this book, because I get an email from a U S Navy veteran who was 487 pounds and he had two twin daughters who were five years old. And his doctor looked at him and said do you want someone else raising your girls? And so he lost he's lost over 200 pounds. And on the same day that my daughter and I did our 5k, he did his first 5k with his two daughters and we never even knew. This is amazing, texas, but him and I become really close friends, like you know.
Speaker 2:You still have your moments when you need some inspiration.
Speaker 1:I'll go look at his posts and I was like, okay, I need to get my butt back in gear Cause I haven't worked out in a week and it's the same thing. But him and I are like we've never met in person but we're like like two best friends because our stories are so identical and then so that book has been about a year, took a year to sell 100, which is, I'm not worried about numbers, but the parents I've talked to that I've like started to change their lives and you know it's much more than numbers. I mean, it was the number one bestseller for a week and then, my kids sell them.
Speaker 1:She's like oh my god, dad, you're like Taylor Swift, I'm like yeah, but I'm only in the top 10 for a week.
Speaker 2:She's been in it for like three years even though I don't know you well, having talked to you just for a couple minutes before we started this, and you know through messenger, it's clear that you're you're really about getting the message out and helping people, not about profiting, and you know being number one. So, and even if you did help, you know five 600 people. That's amazing.
Speaker 1:Well, and you know what do like any of the small royalties I get for that book I split between my daughters and our 15 year old illustrators education fund, so it's I've been able to send a couple of hundred dollars to each of that in a year. So I mean that's not like Stephen King numbers or anything, but again it's I'm not worried about that it's the level of impact right.
Speaker 2:I mean you're, you're probably changing people's lives.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I just love talking to people that have made changes because of it, and so that book, um, that did pretty well.
Speaker 2:And then, well, I'm curious, what was it like for you to go from kind of I think there's actually an app called couch to 5k but what was it like for you to do that, to go from not exercising to doing a 5k?
Speaker 1:Well, I mean I had done, I used to do five boxing circuits a week that were 90 minutes long. Wow, that's how I, like, I still eat, like I'm never giving up my steak and potatoes, I'm all I do, is I the size of my plate, I cut down the meat or cut down the potatoes, double up the meat and the vegetables and that's about it. But I mean going from that to doing a 5k. Well, it took us 40, 42 minutes, which is not bad, I think. Uh, walking used to take me 90 minutes, but she beat me by. She beat me by three hundredths of a second. I will never hear the end of that. She still talks about it I did.
Speaker 2:When I turned 40, I did a 5k. That was also and I am not an exercise fanatic well, at least cardio. I should say I'm not a cardio person, and it was they. It was part obstacle course as well, yeah, and I remember it was grueling. I don't think I I ended up walking the last part of it because it was just so much yeah, we do.
Speaker 1:We'd walk for a minute and then run for a minute. That was how run until we got a breath and then run for a minute. That was how run until we got our breath, and then we just stop and just just walk.
Speaker 1:I'd eventually like to run a full one from start to finish, but sounds like you had fun, though, right like you, it was like a bonding time and then, because all the professional racers were all finished, so they were lined up for the last kilometer, cheering on the slow people and, um man, all I can remember is this guy saying come on don't let your dad beat you. And she's like, oh no, and it, it made it we ran like the whole last kilometer which was, you know, five years ago.
Speaker 1:I couldn't walk a kilometer without leg cramps, so it was pretty emotional when we got to that line and they put the medals on us and, yeah, I'll never forget it and I would imagine that at that point too, because you had talked about struggling with alcohol, you had been sober at that point, correct?
Speaker 1:um, yeah, I've actually they don't call like I haven't been drunk. I used to get drunk on my birthdays once a year. That was my thing. Um, the last time that happened was two years ago in august. Um, so I don't like saying I'm completely sober because I have had like one beer here. Sure, you know a couple of friends, I'll have one one drink. Just it's not an escape anymore, it's just a social thing. Um, but I can go out and have one and then stop, but so I mean it's a great line. I never say, oh, I've been sober 600 days. Like you see, people post because technically in my mind I'm in because I haven't been drunk in two and a half years.
Speaker 1:But I don't post for justification or for anyone else like it's, you know it's, it's for me, so I don't do those kind of things and how?
Speaker 2:how long did you go through the period of?
Speaker 1:go through the period of problematic drinking. I would say probably from the age of 20 to about 45. 20 to 45. Um, I have my, one of my, one of my greatest friends. She's four foot six, maybe, maybe 448, and I'd never seen her mad in my life and we used to go to karaoke together. This woman had the voice of an angel and one night I was sitting down at a pub. This is at 1.30 in the morning. It's the last call and I don't know if they have, like you know, the video gambling machines where you hit the buttons and stuff.
Speaker 1:Yeah yep Okay. So I was playing one of those for 45 minutes without putting in a cent and I was so mad at this game I'm like yelling and cursing at it. She came over with a pot of coffee, two cups, and she sat me down in a booth with the coffee. I won't swear. But she said if you don't smarten the F up, you're not going to see 50. And I was like, wow, you're the only person that's ever seen through my sad clown it was. And so then, on my birthday two years ago, which was the last night I was ever drunk, maybe might be three years ago, sorry the dates, but she passed away on my birthday she had a heart attack.
Speaker 2:Oh.
Speaker 1:God, I know, Because to me that was my sign right there and I never, ever go back to that. Like this little lady who I've never seen, with a smile on her face, I saw anger and she was like man, if you don't, and I talked to her husband all the time Like man, she was an earth angel. Like she was my final wake up call to totally give up the, the getting drunk Right. So now, on her birthday, instead of drinking I just I'll put on a few of her songs and just I'll be like on my mind.
Speaker 1:I'll be like thank you because you probably saved my life because I was heading down a bad road.
Speaker 2:It was almost like foreshadowing with the message that she gave you and actually this august I turned 50, so on my birthday. So me too wait this the wait this past august or this coming august? This coming august I'll be 50 years old. Oh I'm, I turned 50 last august, although I keep telling everybody I'm still 35, but whatever, and then the second book you wrote.
Speaker 1:The second book was also related to the incident. Yeah, well, I wanted to. I was sitting down and I was trying to think of a way to help people, and it was on the World Suicide Awareness Day. So I put a post on Twitter because I never shared this story online. But in 2010, I had come home from a night of binge drinking. It was 2 o'clock in the morning. I lived on the 14th floor of a building in downtown Calgary and I was just standing on my balcony and I don't know if I was ever considering jumping off it. But I thought to myself would anyone even give a crap if I leaped off here? And so, yeah, I shared that online and one of my guys his name is Michael Landsberg, he's a pretty big in Canada for mental health advocacy Cause I posted that as I'm sharing this moment of weakness, and he said to me man, that's the biggest moment of strength you're ever going to have. Don't look at it as sharing a weakness. Cause, yeah, like the people that saw that post and that reposted it and just sharing their stories, it was crazy. So I'm like I got to think of a way I can help people with PTSD.
Speaker 1:So I wrote a second children's book about this little fox who gets attacked by coyotes which is me with the guys. So every time he walks through the forest he's jumpy with the guys. So every time he walks through the forest he's jumpy. If he hears a noise he'll go the other way, or if he sees coyotes over here he'll take the long way around. And then he meets an owl who is one of my best military friends ever. He said to me once just because the pass taps you on the shoulder doesn't mean you have to turn around and look. So this owl says this to the coyote and gives him his own wake-up call. So this might be a bit of a spoiler if anyone plans on getting it. But the coyote gets stuck, or the fox gets stuck in a fox trap, so he's helpless in the middle of the forest, which is kind of me doing the moving thing, and then those guys come up and ask me if I need help. Well, this coyote frees him from the trap. So it's kind of basically my life.
Speaker 1:In this story of the fox and the reviews I've had oh, I can't even read them without crying From veterans, first responders. There's a lady that has terminal cancer. She read it to her kids and the coolest, one of the coolest stories that might have come from my book is about six weeks ago, mid-october. This lady leaves just the most amazing review. She doesn't have kids, but she bought a children's book because she saw something about it being about PTSD and she's gone through her own battles herself. And so I reach out to her and turns out she lives on the same street I do, in this little town of 3,000 people. What a small world. So, yeah, so we met for coffee and she used to be over 360 pounds, so she's lost 200 pounds. Our stories are like a total clone of each other and what we've been dating for six weeks and, um, my daughter loves her. They just click like that. It's every.
Speaker 1:All these little similarities, it's so you know I'm gonna see how things go and if things ever go really well, I'm gonna reach out to jeff bezos and be like hey, you know, we met through amazon. You want to want to hook us up with a nice wedding or something yeah I don't know about that.
Speaker 2:Good luck with that. Yeah, I don't know if he's as charitable no but yeah, so we met through that book.
Speaker 1:Um, I had a mom send me a message. Her kid is eight years old. I think his parent had been afraid of dentists ever since. A bad experience when he was five and they read the book together and now he's. They went to the dentist a week ago for the first time and he was fine. He's like I need to be brave like this little fox. So I mean, this one has just sold almost 100 copies. It's only been out seven weeks, so I think it's again the stories. Right, the stories are just coming out.
Speaker 1:Um, about a year ago I guess when arnold schwarzenegger posted my story this was before I had the books or anything and it had like 9 million views his post. And then Charles Barkley, he talked about it on his podcast, just my story. He had heard it, he read an article, but his people reached out to me about a week ago. So we, me and my daughter, just recorded an update to be on his bleacher report one. So you might have to put on the seatbelt in a few weeks, I don't know.
Speaker 2:But you never know. But you know, when you compare that to what you said earlier, Dave, about you know saying, would anybody really miss me? And then hearing all of this feedback and saying you're getting all this positive stuff that you can't read because it makes you cry, shows you how much you, you really do matter right, like how many people you really have touched well, and you know what the thing is that.
Speaker 1:So a few of the podcast people I've talked to since joining that facebook page like listen, man, if you want to come on, but like, but, but my podcast only has 10 listeners. I'm like listen, man, if you want to come on the but like, but, but my podcast only has 10 listeners. I'm like listen. What if one of those 10 listeners is me?
Speaker 2:six years ago exactly, right, like I don't care if you have a hundred plays, or 200,000 plays, like I just uh, you never know.
Speaker 1:All it takes is one person. I mean, this could be someone standing on a balcony like me, loaded, drunk out of his mind, thinking about jumping off, you know. Or a woman, like you said, that has been through a rape, that just um, or anything, any sexual assaults, or you know what, if that one person that hears this and then they change their life or get help, or just talk to someone that's. That's what makes, makes me.
Speaker 1:You know my big thing, books are already bestsellers in my mind just because of the people they're reaching and stuff. Sure.
Speaker 2:Well, and because of the person who wrote it as well. One of the things that I try to live by is the, you know be as nice as you can to everybody, because being nice to a stranger on the street you could literally be stopping them from doing something that you're not even aware of. They could be having the worst day of their life, thinking about ending their life, and just a random stranger walks up to them and says something nice, unprompted, that could change their entire day. I mean, you're never going to know that if you're on the other end of that, but I think that's why it's so important. And I know, and it's probably a stereotype, but Canadians are perceived as being friendly and nice all the time, right, so I know that there's a little bit of a stereotype there.
Speaker 2:In terms of mental health, here in the United States, I'm sure you're aware we are having a mental health crisis. I mean, our health care sucks. Everything pretty much about our system sucks. What's it like in Canada in terms of? Do they view mental health with a seriousness? Do they view mental health with a seriousness?
Speaker 1:Well, first of all, just to talk about saying something nice and changing someone's life. When I first tried boxing for the first time, I went into this big boxing gym that had like four rings and like there's professionals in there. And this was after I lost half my weight. And so I go in there and this guy comes out of the ring. I found out later he's got five titles, he's like a golden glove boxer. And he just came up and he said man, he called me champ. He's like you got this champ, you can do it. And he put me on his Instagram story and just him just calling me champ, like it's stuck with me four years now. And like I'm ever at a gym? I don't, I have my gym in my home so I don't go to them very often, but if I see someone struggling I'll just walk up and hey, man, you keep going champ, just like, just that.
Speaker 1:But giving it back, like you said earlier, yeah, as far as the canadian mental health side of things, I mean we have, I don't know we have all this craziness going on right now. It's called the maid program. What is that? Medical assisted? Oh, I forget what it stands for, but it's basically the government will take your life if you qualify um oh, like, uh, like an assisted, assisted suicide yeah, okay, um, medical assistance and dying.
Speaker 1:So it's getting bad for, like I don't know, I've got a friend who's her partner is. He's pretty sick and they had someone come to the door and they sat down with him like, hey, you're costing the government too much money. Do you want to just end your life like it's?
Speaker 2:it's scary is that literally? The approach is that your cost is it. It's a resource thing like you're costing too much money.
Speaker 1:It's it's so scary, huh, oh my god. Yeah, if you look it up, I mean there's that's terrifying right now, and oh, that's absolutely terrifying.
Speaker 2:I did not. I mean I I had heard of about, I didn't know that was the name of the program. I remember hearing about a woman, I think, that was trying to have assisted suicide in Canada, but I didn't know it was pushed like that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's happening under the wing. I mean, I live in a little town of 3,800 people and I know of two people that have been approached by them to take that option. Oh my.
Speaker 2:That is wow. Okay, so Canada sounds like just as bad then.
Speaker 1:Yeah, wow, okay. So canada is? It sounds like just as bad. Then, yeah, it's getting there. I mean, if you got to go for like any mris or anything like that, I mean you're, you're on a two-year waiting list as well. But yeah, I'm, I'm. I haven't been to a doctor and I go once a year just to keep my records, but I'm a pretty healthy guy um, funny story when I was almost 400 pounds, I was on 14 pills.
Speaker 1:The doctor put me on them for cholesterol, type two, diabetes, high blood pressure, you know all the old Zempics and they wanted me and all that. So when I lost my weight I went for a checkup and he's like the doctor's like okay, let's, let's try taking you down half a dose. I'm like okay, so I just stopped taking them myself because I felt I didn't need them. So I went back in six months for a checkup. He pulls up my chart, he's looking at them. Then he's like oh, it seems like this is working, so let's, let's try taking you down to like two milligrams, or okay, I play along. So I went back six months later and he's like I think we're ready to take you off. Somebody's like listen, man, I haven't taken a pill in a year. And uh, his face was just like all right, yeah, because they I don't know what's happening there but they like to push pills and try and keep you on as many of them.
Speaker 2:but because they I don't know what's happening there but they like to push pills and try and keep you on as many of them, but so it's pretty. It's pretty similar than our country. Then yeah, very little difference there. When you you had said it for like a man, for um an mri, there's a two-year waiting list you had mentioned earlier the first time you went to counseling. Is there a waiting list for counseling services too, or is it pretty easy?
Speaker 1:no, it's pretty like there's like my, the company I work for, we have an app. You can go talk to someone live within an hour. Oh, wow, okay, um, yeah, they're like professionals you click an app, you pick a name you like and then you know it's. Oh, my god, I make fun of it because it's almost like tinder for for doctors. You gotta use right, left, no I'm not gonna talk to her no, I'm not gonna talk.
Speaker 2:Oh, he looks cool and you said you went because I don't think you finished this.
Speaker 1:I think you said you went a couple of sessions and then it did like it didn't work or what happened well, I went for two and I don't know if she was doing all these weird things where she was making me stare at her finger and look back and forth and oh, emdr, okay, yeah, I didn't. Boxing for me is what really fixed my mind. And then you know, obviously, my kid like I used to take her to a lot of play centers because I worked four days on, four off, so. But I always watched from the tables and I'd watch other parents like following their kids up and the kids were laughing. I could see her and every now and then looking down at me.
Speaker 1:But now when we go, like I'm going on the slides, I got stuck in a tube a couple weeks ago. Um, the first time I followed her, I recorded. She didn't know I was right behind her, so actually I've got mine. But when she turns around and sees me at the top of that slide, her smile, I took a picture of it. Easy, I'll never go back.
Speaker 2:I'm curious how did you get out of the tube? That would terrify me if I got stuck in a tube.
Speaker 1:Well, my knees are still pretty bad, right. So it was this tube you had to go through in almost like a, almost like a u-shape, and I got halfway through it and then my knees rocked them up so I got on my back and kind of slid through like a caterpillar something. I'm so glad nobody was recording it, because it would have probably been on like, uh, you know, viral on tick, tock or something did you panic at all or was it like?
Speaker 1:no, I just flipped on my back and just kind of wiggled out, but she still laughs about her well, I had recently taken a trip to italy.
Speaker 2:We had gone into napoli and we had gone into these underground catacombs and they told us that there was an area that was going to be really tight and we'd have to walk sideways and put our cell phones on with the light because of how dark it would be and there was an exit point that you could take before you got to it. And I misheard that and missed the exit point, so I had to walk through it and when I tell you that thing was 15 minutes long, towards the end I thought I was literally going to lose my mind because it was so tight.
Speaker 1:So I was certainly having a panic attack that time yeah my uh, my big goal is to have a it's called the tough mutter competition oh, yeah, yeah, yeah so I want to sign us up to do one of those next summer, but uh, that's gonna be some youtube fail content right there.
Speaker 2:I don't know you changed a lot. I mean, you took it, you you had an awful tragedy and then you, you changed the eating, you changed the weight, you changed the alcohol? Um, were there any other negative patterns you developed throughout that time that you changed the alcohol? Um, were there any other negative patterns you developed throughout that time that you changed?
Speaker 1:um, no, not really, because I I lost it so slow and over such long a time, like I don't have any, any dead skin left over, like nothing hangs down in places. It shouldn't okay. And uh, I do get a lot of trolls online, like when, like arnold schwarzenegger and gene simmons and those people post my stuff, but uh, how do you deal with?
Speaker 2:how do you because trolls are just awful, um, how do you? Do you read them? Do you not to read them? Like? What do you do?
Speaker 1:I read them, they used to give me anxiety attacks, um, really bad. But now my daughter, she's 10, she's my noise canceling headphones for everything, because when she looks at me sometimes like she just started muay thai. She did boxing with me for two years, she likes to hold pads for the kids and um, because I used to train and train kids how to do some boxing too. But she's moved on. One time she loves it and just watching her, like I'll go and watch. And she got asked if she wanted to move to the next class, up the next level, because she's so good and she's like no, I like being the demo, I like helping little kids and you know it's just, oh, it makes you so proud, like I don't know it's. If she wants to stay there for the entire time, it's fine by me, plus it, plus it costs less.
Speaker 2:So added benefit. What for other people who have had similar traumatic event in their life? What would you tell them?
Speaker 1:My biggest thing I would tell them that's hey, you know what, it's asking for help or just talking to someone. Because a lot, especially with dudes, like it doesn't matter if it's a man or woman, but with us guys like you almost feel like talking about it makes you weak or like you should just suck it up and move on. But I mean, I joined the group called a brother brother's path, so it's just, it's just dudes talking and it's starting to change a little bit. Like you mean, they have they'll meet up and watch football and just just shoot the shoot the right. Um, but it's starting to change. And up here we have I don't really like it, but one day a year they call it, you know, let's talk about stuff day, let's talk about what it's just called, let's talk day. So it encourages everyone to talk about mental health. But it's becoming too much of just advertising and I like to encourage that every day of the year, like not just one day. I like to encourage that every day of the year, like not just one day. And it's we.
Speaker 1:I started up a little thing called Operation you Are Not Alone. So it's just asking people to make a sign with you Are Not Alone on it. Email it in and then you know, if I get enough, I'll put them in like YouTube videos just so. Every time I get a hundred I'll post a new YouTube video just with. If I get enough, I'll put them in like YouTube videos just so every time I get 100, I'll post a new YouTube video just with.
Speaker 1:If anyone's like you know, I wonder if people do give a crap. They can just go here and say, hey, here's 100 people that do so. I've gotten a few from some veterans and that's uh, some fire. Some retired firemen got together and took a picture like it's starting slow, but it's there.
Speaker 2:People are starting to notice I was actually hopeful in canada. It was a little bit more progressive in terms of men's mental health, because it's very similar here in the states where, particularly with men, it's discouraged from them to talk about their mental health, especially first responders. That's why I think what you're doing for military people are so important, because first responders can see a awful tragedy and they can't talk about it because if they talk about it they're perceived as weak, so they just have to suck it up and move on to the next thing. And when I I'm even talking about nurses in hospitals, when they lose patients like they just have to go right to the next patient. They don't get any sort of time to process the loss or the grief. There's no staff available to do that with them. I was really hopeful Canada was better, but it sounds like it's not.
Speaker 1:It's getting there. It's not horrible, but just that whole MAID program really grinds my gears that has been around in 2010 and I heard about it.
Speaker 1:I might not even be here, but um, the paramedic, one of the paramedics that saved my life. It took me 29 years to find her and, um, I went online. I just this is my last attempt trying to find this lady. Um, at the time of my incident, only two percent of paramedics were female. Um, so you'd think it would have been easier, because there was only two on shift that day, but apparently one of them, a lady that was on my call, she had, she was in an accident, had some severe brain injury, so her memory wasn't, but I mean I didn't give up.
Speaker 1:It took me 29 years to find her and now we we text each other every day. Oh, that's so nice she's. We're actually doing another book. Um, we're writing a book together because she's an illustrator good for you and um, I can't say too much about that yet, but it's making ambulances and paramedics less scary for kids. So she wants to do that as a fundraiser for service dogs for first responders, so I'll be passing that right over to her, so that'll be coming in about a year. I'm really taking my time with that one Cause I think it's going to be a a one of a kind book, because you got someone that almost died and the paramedic that saved them doing a book together to help first responders. Like that'll be really cool.
Speaker 2:And so you know, so far from the actual event too, that you were able to track her down. That long afterwards, right, but she could have gone anywhere.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it went pretty viral. Like she's in Ontario, I'm in Alberta, which is like basically you're LA to New York kind of distance, and because this happened to me on the other side of the country, but yeah, I guess everybody was messenger Like is this you, is this you, is this you? And then her and my daughter have really clicked they. They exchanged Christmas gifts last year like little paintings and stuff. So it's yeah, it's unreal.
Speaker 2:So you've done two books. You have a third book on the way you have a, so it's yeah, it's unreal around then too in it, but it also highlights for those people that may be using those services. Now I hope they hear your story because, my god, that I'm just, I'm really shocked by that program yeah, it's pretty terrifying.
Speaker 1:Some of the it's under review. Now they're trying to pass some sort of bill, but I kind of I don't really watch the news, so I just kind of hear what friends are talking about.
Speaker 2:But that's actually probably a smart thing, because the news is the large reason why I think many people in this country have ptsd. I mean, sometimes I do think it's by design. In your case it was a scenario that was outside of your control. But I think culturally, in art in our country anyway, there's a, there's a design to keeping people traumatized oh, yeah, for sure, and also keep them.
Speaker 1:I know so many guys are on so many different kind of medications for it oh yeah, big pharma runs this country yeah, well, it's pretty similar up here. Like some of the, I know some of the doctors you know they get bonuses for how much they prescribe and that kind of stuff. But I kind of that's rabbit hole. I did try not to go down.
Speaker 2:Exactly. I'm right there with you. We can do a whole other episode on that, did you? I am curious, though did you have the same opiate crisis that we did? I would imagine you did Right, cause I think there was some trade into Canada.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I know in mostly in Vancouver, to the west of me, and in Toronto there's big problems with it.
Speaker 2:okay, yeah, but I mean, here I'm in a town of like 3,800 people, so I don't really kind of see that stuff although you know I, the town I live in, is a population of like 14 or 1500 and apparently this town has a reputation for meth production. That's what I mean. I haven't seen any evidence of myself, but a lot of people talk about it, so it's a little. It's a little concerning. Dave, thank you so much for agreeing to be on the podcast. It's really a pleasure to have you and I hope you have such a powerful message of taking a serious tragedy and turning, turning what happened from it into all these really possible altruistic, charitable things, and I think you're amazing. I wish you a lot of luck in that journey and can you just repeat the names of your books again for the people who are listening, in case they want to buy them, and I'll put the title in the description as well.
Speaker 1:Sure, so the book about PTSD and the fox is just called in the heart of the forest. Um, if any of your listeners are spanish and they know it, I know what. We have a spanish version, a ukrainian version and a french version coming soon. So yeah, if they search In the Heart of the Forest on Amazon. The other book is just called the Great Race.
Speaker 1:My Daddy and Me, like I said, that one's only $10. The new one's $12 US. I keep the prices lower. I mean, like I said, it's not about royalties and that kind of thing.
Speaker 2:for me, and the name of the youtube is you're not alone, is that correct?
Speaker 1:um, well, if they go to in the in the heart of the forestcom, that links to the youtube, um, and the youtube is just under in the heart of the forest too. So that's kind of just starting out and we'll see how that goes okay, and would you be?
Speaker 2:sometimes the listeners will send me with guest speakers. They'll send me questions. Would you be okay, if they did have any questions for you, if I screened them and then send them on to you?
Speaker 1:Yeah, if they go to intheheartoftheforestcom, there's a contact me button there.
Speaker 2:Oh, okay, perfect Okay.
Speaker 1:That goes right to my email. I've had a few people reach out there too. Actually, I had Santa Claus reading my book last night at the town festival. You get an endorsement from that guy. Apparently, if you pick on my book, rumor has it you're on the nice list for at least two years.
Speaker 2:Well, thank you again, dave. I really appreciate it. All right, take care, hello everybody, and thank you again for listening. This is just a reminder that no part of this podcast can be duplicated or copied without written consent from either myself or Wendy. Thank you again.
