The Tilted Halo
The Tilted Halo podcast has a refreshing and honest perspective on the challenges pastors face in their ministry and those involved in ministry as a whole. Hosted by Pastor Kathleen Panning, who has seen it all, this edgy show explores the idea that we all have a "tilted halo" - a recognition that we are not perfect and all make mistakes.
Through personal experiences, interviews with fellow pastors, leaders, and insights from scripture, this show offers advice and encouragement for those struggling with the weight of their imperfections. From burnout and rude awakenings to personal failures and shortcomings, The Tilted Halo provides a safe space for pastors to share their struggles and find support from a community of like-minded souls around the globe.
With a focus on authenticity, vulnerability, and humanity at large, this podcast challenges the notion that pastors must have it all together and invites listeners to embrace their humanity and lean into the grace of God. Whether you are a pastor or someone looking for a fresh perspective on life's challenges, The Tilted Halo is a must-listen in the search for hope, healing, and a renewed sense of purpose.
The Tilted Halo
EP 48: Finding Joy in the Midst of Chaos
Welcome to Tilted Halo, the sanctuary for every woman in ministry, and in fact, anyone on this journey of life. In this episode, I share a time when I was abruptly asked to resign from my position, an unplanned circumstance that threw me into a swirl of uncertainty, loss, and despair. However, through this turmoil I unearthed the strength to be grateful and appreciate the good amidst the bad. I'm going to explore how to uncover joy in the midst of chaos, even when it seems most daunting. It's not about sugar-coating hardships, but about finding the silver lining in those clouds. Let's embark on this journey of embracing gratitude even when life gets messy.
Welcome to the Tilded Halo. This is a new podcast and it's for anybody who's a woman in ministry. You might be a pastor like myself, a bishop, a priest, a rabbi, music minister, elder children's minister whatever your title is. You're absolutely in the right place, especially if you're someone who loves your ministry and you're doing it well and you're feeling pressure to sometimes be perfect and deep down inside, you know you're not. And how in the world to deal with that? And men, you're absolutely welcome here too, because this is about ministry and the same thing can happen to you. So you're all in the right place. Let's get started with the show.
Speaker 1:There are times when life gets well. Shall I just say it plainly it gets messy. Not everything goes the way we want it to, and some days it's just downright the pits. So how do we be grateful in the midst of times like that? It can be tough. It can be really tough, because there are times where life is tough and gratitude is definitely not the tops of our list in those kinds of situations. There are people who have written some very helpful things about that, and you know there are many different books and articles that you can refer to for that as well. But I'll share with you a couple of things based on some of my own experiences and some things I've heard from other people as well. When life gets messy, when life is not going according to our schedule or how we would like life to be, the first thing for me is to take stock of okay, things aren't going the way I want them to be, but what is still good in the midst of all of this. So that can be hard to find some days. I'm not sugarcoating that in the least, but are there still some good things?
Speaker 1:I have shared in other venues that there was a day in 1992, yes, I remember that very well, and it was a Friday afternoon when the relatively new senior pastor of the congregation where I had been serving for nearly five full years asked me to come to his office and said he was going to allow me to choose and the options were either to resign or be fired. That was very messy in my view, not something I wanted, not something I anticipated and definitely not desired, and it left me feeling hurt and angry and depressed and all kinds of things and wondering okay, what now? Out of a position. Either way, I'm out of a position, which means out of income, and I chose to resign. So they did give me a couple of months of I'm forgetting the proper term for that kind of compensation after that.
Speaker 1:But it was still like as a pastor in my tradition. I could not just go out and hang out and saying a sign that said, hey, I'm looking for a place here, I am hire me, not like you can. And then in most other jobs I couldn't go out marketing myself to congregations. That's not the practice within my tradition and if I had done that, that could have gotten me in a lot of trouble in other ways as well. And so I couldn't do that and it was like, okay, what do I do now? Because it can take months six months to a year at times to get a new position. They can be quite a lengthy process.
Speaker 1:So it was, yeah, I felt very much lost and at odds and not knowing what I wanted to do. But even if I wanted to stay in ministry, how was that gonna be possible and what would that mean? And life was messy. It was very messy at that point in my life. It's one of several points in my life when it's been messy, but it was very messy then and, to be very honest, for weeks I was not finding much to be thankful for not at all, and it took some prodding from a friend and some reading to help me realize.
Speaker 1:You know, there were still some things that I could be grateful for. I had a place to live and it wasn't going to be foreclosed, or I couldn't pay the rent and I was gonna be kicked out, or anything like that. I had a place to live. I had family who were supporting me. I had a vehicle that wasn't going to be taken away from me. I had some savings in the bank that could tide me over, for, you know, if I was careful, it could tide me over for quite a while until I found something new to do. I figured, if I really needed to, I could do some part-time work, do some other kinds of things for a while if I needed to. So I began to see that there were some good things, things I could be grateful for, things I could see as positives even in the midst of the messy stuff of that time.
Speaker 1:So when life gets messy, it can be hard to see anything positive for a while, but there always are things there. There are always things there, and I know some people will say you don't know my situation, you don't know my life and my mess, the mess that I'm in or the mess that's been dumped on me. No, I don't know all of that, but I can bet that even in the midst of whatever is the messiest mess in your life, that can still be some positives there, and one of those is to know that we are never alone. No matter what, we are not alone. That's one of the promise, as people of faith, that we have is that God is there with us in the midst of the mess. God doesn't tell us to get your stuff straightened out first and then God's gonna love us. No, so even when our halos are very tilted or even fall off and that sometimes happens to the best of us God's still there. God's still loving us in the midst of the mess and the midst of the hard times, in the midst of the darkest of dark times and yes, there are some very, very dark times.
Speaker 1:I think of parents who've had a child abducted or missing. I think of loved ones who have lost someone who was the primary breadwinner and the primary person in their life, and they who had everything and that person either died or left and left you with nothing or feels like nothing. And you know, there can be some very dark times in life. There are people who are addicted to chemicals and that can be a very dark time, a big mess. Get in trouble with the law can be a very big mess. But the promise number one is that God is always in the midst of that mess with us, not causing it, but willing to be there with us in the midst of that time. That's the first thing to always be grateful for. A second thing is that God's willing to listen to us complain and cry and question and, you know, raise our voices and utter despair. How do I know that?
Speaker 1:I've read the book of Psalms. There is every imaginable human emotion written about in that book, the many Psalms which are songs that are in there. Like you know, today we hear turn on any music situation and you hear songs about love and lost love and all kinds of different things. That's what the book of Psalms is like as well, talking about all kinds of emotions and being able to share those with God. But I also know that there are always other people, even in the darkest of times who, if we're willing to let them into our lives, will be there with us and for us. May not always be the people we want to be there, that's true, but there are people there who are willing to be there with us and for us too. May have to look for them, be willing to be open to that person or those people coming from a tradition or a source that might be different than what we expect or hope to be, but they can be found.
Speaker 1:So, being grateful when life is messy, start by thinking about what still is good, or at least there you know, the people who are still there for you and with you, even if it's one person, the possibilities that there is a future. So what? The pain of the present? It's not necessarily going to be the pain of the future. There are other possibilities. Maybe hard to see them, it may be hard to realize them, but they are possibilities and as long as there is a possibility, that means it could become an actuality, it could be real, and there's always the opportunity to share the mess and the pain that's inside of us with God. So start by sharing that with God, being open to the hurt and the pain and the anger that we feel. Be open to that with God. You might be surprised at what you hear back from God, what you feel back from God, and if that's not available through your current faith tradition, there are those around who can help share that with you and will do that, who believe that too.
Speaker 1:So, finding gratitude, being grateful when life is very messy, it is possible and it will also be something that helps turn a corner for you to begin to find little threads, little bits of threads. Sometimes you've got to look hard for even the tiniest little shred, but they're there and it's more than just shreds. They are there to be found, to be put into practice, to be shared and to grow, to grow on and grow in. So life can get messy and it will be messy at times for every single one of us, sometimes because of the stuff we do, sometimes it's the result of things other people do, sometimes it's what we call an act of nature, sometimes who knows why, but it happens and in the midst of it there still is something to be grateful for. So take that halo that's very tilted and give it a little nudge towards a little straighter and realize that you're not there alone, even in the biggest of messes, you're not there alone. God is there with you, and that is the first place to start in being grateful when life gets messy. So this is the Tilted Halo, and I invite you to come back again for the next episode, and thank you for being here today for this one, and may God's peace and God's blessings help carry you through whatever you're experiencing today, even if it's very messy.
Speaker 1:You have been listening to Tilted Halo with me, kathleen Panning. What did you think about this episode? I'd really like to hear from you. Leave me some comments. Be sure to like, subscribe and share this episode and catch another upcoming episode. For more conversation on ministry, life, mindset and a whole lot more, go to wwwTiltedHaloHelpcom, where I've got a resource guide and other resources waiting for you, and be sure to say hi to me, kathleen Panning, on LinkedIn. See you on the next episode.