The Tilted Halo
The Tilted Halo podcast has a refreshing and honest perspective on the challenges pastors face in their ministry and those involved in ministry as a whole. Hosted by Pastor Kathleen Panning, who has seen it all, this edgy show explores the idea that we all have a "tilted halo" - a recognition that we are not perfect and all make mistakes.
Through personal experiences, interviews with fellow pastors, leaders, and insights from scripture, this show offers advice and encouragement for those struggling with the weight of their imperfections. From burnout and rude awakenings to personal failures and shortcomings, The Tilted Halo provides a safe space for pastors to share their struggles and find support from a community of like-minded souls around the globe.
With a focus on authenticity, vulnerability, and humanity at large, this podcast challenges the notion that pastors must have it all together and invites listeners to embrace their humanity and lean into the grace of God. Whether you are a pastor or someone looking for a fresh perspective on life's challenges, The Tilted Halo is a must-listen in the search for hope, healing, and a renewed sense of purpose.
The Tilted Halo
EP 49: Choosing Gratitude to Enhance Our Interactions
Can a simple smile change the world around you, even in spaces where negativity seeps in unnoticed? Join me, Pastor Kathleen, as we navigate these pressing questions in the latest Tilted Halo podcast episode. I'll unravel how the pervasive negativity from our daily lives can find its way into our faith communities, impacting everything from worship to vital discussions on budgets and community efforts. Through our exploration, you'll gain insight into how political differences and personal stresses can complicate interactions, urging us to recognize the atmospheric influence we all carry and the discord it may cause.
Unleashing the transformative power of positivity, we'll uncover the science of contagious emotions and the surprising role of mirror neurons. Inspired by the Ritz-Carlton's "10-5 way," we’ll discover how greeting others with a simple smile or a friendly hello can reshape perceptions, making faith communities more welcoming. Imagine the impact of starting a 100-day gratitude challenge or a smiling campaign during Lent!
Together, we’ll embark on a journey to choose positivity and gratitude, enhancing the mood and interactions in our communities, and encouraging everyone to reflect on their expressions and attitudes.
Welcome to the Tilted Halo. This is a new podcast and it's for anybody who's a woman in ministry. You might be a pastor like myself, a bishop, a priest, a rabbi, music minister, elder children's minister whatever your title is, you're absolutely in the right place, especially if you're someone who loves your ministry and you're doing it well and you're feeling pressure to sometimes be perfect and deep down inside, you know you're not. And how in the world to deal with that? And men, you're absolutely welcome here too, because this is about ministry and the same thing can happen to you. So you're all in the right place. Let's get started with the show.
Speaker 1:Hey, this is Kathleen. Pastor Kathleen, also known as the Tilted Halo, glad to have you here with me today for another episode of my podcast, and I've been noticing something lately. I suspect you've noticed it too, but maybe not quite in the same way, because I didn't. So I'm thinking maybe you're thinking a little bit like me and you know every newscast I don't care if it's on radio, tv, podcasts, social media but anytime there is a newscast or something like that, it always starts out with what? The breaking news, the top story, and that top story is usually one of a couple of kinds. It's about politics, or it's a natural disaster, or it's some human-made disaster human-made disaster and no matter what it is, there's always this negative tint or angle to it. So even if it's about politics and the station that's airing it is really in favor of whatever that political move has been they always talk about how the other side of it or the negatives of it or the people who are opposed to it, and so it becomes a story of something that's negative, and there's just so much negativity around.
Speaker 1:You know, you talk to your family when, if you have kids and they come home from school, what do you ask them? How was school today? What do they usually tell you? First thing, the students, the teacher, the incident that was not so fun, not the best thing in the world. If you're someone who commutes to work or have a spouse or partner who commutes to work and you ask how was your day, what do they say? They talk to you about the things that didn't go so well during the day, the things that were frustrating you off and didn't let you in. Or they talk about the commute on the subway or commuter car and the crowds and the people who were nasty to each other. Excuse me, whatever that may be.
Speaker 1:That's the kind of thing we usually hear first when we ask somebody what things are like and how their day has been, or it's just kind of like, well, nothing special, just the same old, same old type of thing. Blah, you know, just the same old, same old type of thing. Blah Might be stress, it might be tiredness, it might be kind of depressed, it might be that you hear things from someone who is just really not happy, but it turns out that most of that stuff is just basically negative things. And then we come on a day for worship or to have a meeting or some sort of fellowship in a faith community and people bring all of that negative stuff with them. Not surprising, really, but it comes with them. And then what happens to the gatherings? Well, if you're at a meeting, it starts out with the problems that are going on, the things that need to be fixed, what's not working, the kind of things that aren't getting done. If it's a worship setting, there's people gather, they're talking to one another, sharing hi, how are you? Oh, I got all of these aches and pains, this and that's going on. It's the same sort of thing. And it's not that we shouldn't care about that. We really do need to care about what's going on in people's lives, including all the problems. But if that's all that there is, and if we come in kind of dragging their feet and oh, it's sunday morning, yeah, wonderful, hi, how are you with this expression? Like, yeah, how are you? Uh, you know, um, like they're sorry they even got out of bed, or just barely made it out of bed the morning, or that there was maybe an argument on the way there, um, something that they're not looking forward to during the day. They'd rather be home doing something else, you know, stressed about getting dinner ready or something else that's happening in the day.
Speaker 1:All of this negativity of stuff is coming with our members as we gather together in the worship space, as we gather together for meetings, for scripture study, for devotions, youth meetings, whatever it may be, all of that negative stuff is coming in and it's having an effect. It's having an effect on what happens in our worship and in our meetings and in those kinds of things that are part of our faith. Communities there are more arguments at meetings. Communities there are more arguments at meetings. There are more things where people are just plain stressed out in their meetings. There's discord among members, they bring in the political differences and that becomes a topic, and so there's arguments or discord about that, and you know, yes, my candidate is doing this or that and yeah, I'm happy about it, but can you believe the opposition is saying such and such?
Speaker 1:It all comes into the worship space and when, when that happens, you know people start looking at well, here's the budget for the congregation, for our faith community, and we have these things that are called benevolence in there. You know, things are getting a little tight, so maybe we shouldn't spend that money. And besides which, you know, there's things about that organization, or even the higher level of the denomination that you're part of, or whatever group you're part of. Maybe there's some programs or some aspects of it that people don't feel really great about. They maybe have some questions about, maybe don't even really understand. So why should we give money to that? Let's keep it all here, keep it for us, and so those cuts happen to the budget.
Speaker 1:And then there's the other thing that's going on that most faith groups are experiencing, and that is that attendance is just going downhill. Not only attendance, but active membership. It's not just one sunday. It's every sunday or worship day, whatever that day is for you, and attendance is just kind of waning. Those who come come ready to fight fist might be up, they come ready to give it to them, but yet we are called to be people of God's love and grace, and all of this changes the mood and the temperament in our faith communities. So what do we do? How do we begin to find some ways to alter that, to bring something different into the space? And really there are some surprisingly easy ways to do that.
Speaker 1:And I'm picking up a book here that I've just finished reading and it's one of Sean Acor's books. For those of you on the video you can see the title here. It's called Beyond Happiness Five Hidden Keys to Achieving Success Spreading Happiness and Sustaining Positive Change. And Sean Acor's name is S-H-A-W-N and the last name is A-C-H-O-R, so that's how you spell his name.
Speaker 1:And one of the things he talks about is something that's so simple, so exceedingly simple, and yet we sometimes find it so hard to do or think. Well, that's not really important. He starts by talking, well, about something that's contagious in a good way. We all know that yawns are contagious If you yawn or you're with somebody who's yawning, pretty soon you're yawning, or others around you are yawning. The same thing is true with all of that negative stuff we bring in. If someone has a less than happy expression on their face, well, very soon probably a lot of other people are not going to be looking quite so happy. And if somebody comes in griping about what's wrong in their workplace or wrong with the government or wrong with traffic, pretty soon everybody's chiming in. Yeah, I know about this and I know about that, and it becomes a gripe session.
Speaker 1:And one of the things he talks about I'm going to pick the book back up here is what is a complaint? And on page 195, and I'm going to quote this he says and I'm going to quote this he says a complaint is an observation about some reality that your comment could not possibly ever change. That's a complaint Versus, you know, pointing out something that's a solvable problem. That's a complaint, and we do a lot of that. We do a lot of that kind of thing. So here are some keys and cues that he brings up in the book about how to begin to change the atmosphere. Begin to change the atmosphere, and if we do this in our faith communities. It has the possibility of spreading beyond that. Now, as I'm recording this, it's the end of January 2025, but the things I'm going to be sharing could be used for a Lenten series. For those who observe the Christian church year, lent is coming up very soon and it could be part of a Lenten series, but it can be used really any time of the year.
Speaker 1:So one of the things he talks about is I said that you know the negativity is contagious. The negativity is contagious. Well, so is something as simple as a smile. Yes, a smile. It is contagious. If you go into a room and if you tried this in your congregation start out and greet, even if you don't say hello to people, just give them a little smile as you pass by, you don't even have to say anything, but a smile. It immediately changes the mood, your mood inside, as well as reflecting something different and better for other people. And you know why these things are so contagious. It's something in our brains, literally in every one of our brains. We have something called mirror neurons. You know, mirror like the thing you look at in the bathroom to see how you look in the morning, and a neuron is the things in our brain that send the signals back and forth to tell us what's going on and what's happening. And when we see something in someone else might be a smile, it might be anger, it might be stress we tend to mirror those emotions and those activities, and that's why negativity is contagious, but it's also why something like a smile is contagious. And so if you start your day with your family as you come into a worship space, be very conscious about it and just remember come in with a smile and share it with everyone who you see and who you greet.
Speaker 1:In fact, there's a company that has adopted this as part of actually there's several companies by now, but it started with a company called the Ritz-Carlton. Now, any of you who know hotels have heard of the Ritz-Carlton. In all likelihood, ritz-carlton is seen as kind of the upper echelons, the luxury brand of hotels, the upper echelons, the luxury brand of hotels at least one of them and they adopted a policy I don't know exactly when, but called the 10-5 way, and it works like this Every one of their employees is trained so that if they pass within 10 feet of someone, can be another employee, but, especially if it's a guest, they just smile at the person. If they're within five feet of another person, a guest or another employee, they say hello, just a simple hello, with a smile on their face, and you know what that changes the mood of everything. Everybody, every guest who comes in there, perceives that hotel in a very different way, in a very, very different way than other hotels where it's business as usual. You know, come on in, oh well, hi, I'll get to you in a minute, or just passing and not saying anything or not even looking at a guest or even another employee. But it's a smile, cost nothing. You know. There's no extra expense except for the training of the employees to do this. But there's no extra expense involved with it. It's not an expensive thing to do, but it's all part of the initial training of any employee who comes to work there, comes toward them, so it's not even extra in that sense. It's so simple.
Speaker 1:And if we did that in our faith communities, places where we're supposed to be there to love and care about one another, to greet each other every time we come in, to every meeting, to every activity, you know, if you're within 10 feet of someone, a smile if it's five feet and it's not in a huge crowd. But even if it's in a huge crowd, you just say hello to everybody. You know it just makes a difference. And if you're there and you find that you come in, you think you're smiling or greeting people, but there's all of this commotion, there's this kind of negativity that's still there and people are just kind of grumpy or whatever. Check your face, check your own face first, you know, you know, think about it. Are you really smiling? Are the words you're saying of hello, are they like, oh, hello, you know it kind of a grumpy hello? Is it really a hello, glad to see you? Kind of hello or hello? This is God's house, a place of God's love. Is it that kind of a greeting? Check to see how you are doing it before you decide about how somebody else is experiencing things or expressing things. So that's a very simple way to start to change the mood, the temperament, the reality within your faith community.
Speaker 1:You could do something as simple as have 100 days of gratitude, where people within your faith community sign up for it has to be voluntary to express a hundred days of gratitude or a hundred days of smiling, you know, or a whole lent for the six weeks of lent of smiling, no complaining, but instead coming in with a gracious attitude and smiling, practicing the 10-5 way. You know, we think of Lent as a time of contemplating how sinful we are. That's typical of the way Lent is often seen. But contemplate, yes, but recognize how often we are grumpy and grouchy and complaining and leave those things out. Cut out the complaining, cut out the grumpy and instead add the smiles, add the gratitude, start a gratitude journal and every single day, write down three things, at least three things unique for that day that you're grateful for better yet, at least 10.
Speaker 1:But start with three. Yes, sometimes it takes a while to think of what those three might be, but it could be that after a few days of rain, the sun is shining, or it could be, after a long period without rain that you have some rain. You know, all of those things can be reasons to be grateful. It can be, if you're a student, the assignment that a teacher did not give you, or that they gave you extra time in which to do it. They explained something you hadn't understood before. You know. It can be all kinds of different things. It doesn't have to be some big momentous occasion, just something that went okay or good during that day, so it could be a hundred days of gratitude. It could also be something like you know, if those around you are stressed and tired.
Speaker 1:Be part of a program. You could do something, even if it's not during Lent, to enlist a small group of volunteers in your congregation, your faith community, who are going to be the smile ambassadors, so to speak, people who are dedicated to when they come in. They may be greeters, they may not be greeters. I call it almost doing it as undercover so people don't know who is really doing this. But to start a program with a handful of people who are interested in doing that, of practicing this idea about smiling, this idea about smiling, greeting people with a smile, with hello, cutting out the complaints Not that they won't say when there is an issue that needs to be discussed. No, not denying issues, not denying problems, but doing it in a more positive way with that smile. So there's an old song about let a smile be your umbrella. I don't even remember the words, but I just thought about that. There's an old song about that. Let a smile be what we hand out first, be our calling card, what people see and know about us within a faith community. If you do that and it spreads throughout your faith community, people will want to be there. I can guarantee you that. It's a simple thing, yet extremely, extremely powerful. Start with a smile. I look forward to hearing your comments and if you do this, tell me what happens, put it out there so we can all celebrate and smile with you. So until next time.
Speaker 1:This is Pastor Kathleen, the Tilted Halo. Come back, leave me some comments, subscribe. I'd love to hear from you. God's peace, god's blessings. You have been listening to Tilted Halo with me, kathleen Panning. What did you think about this episode? I'd really like to hear from you. Leave me some comments. Be sure to like, subscribe and share this episode and catch another upcoming episode. For more conversation on ministry, life, mindset and a whole lot more, go to wwwtiltedhalohelpcom, where I've got a resource guide and other resources waiting for you, and be sure to say hi to me, kathleen Panning, on LinkedIn. See you on the next episode.