The Tilted Halo

EP 58: Embracing Your Authentic Self in Ministry

• Kathleen Panning

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What does it truly mean to be authentic in ministry? This profound question forms the heart of my conversation with award-winning life purpose coach Edna White, who brings wisdom born from both personal trauma and professional expertise.

Edna begins by taking us back to our five-year-old selves—that magical time when we believed anything was possible, when we innately trusted ourselves and the world around us. This, she explains, is our natural state of authenticity before life's expectations began reshaping us. Her definition resonates powerfully, especially for those of us navigating leadership roles while trying to maintain our genuine selves.

The conversation deepens as Edna courageously shares her journey through childhood sexual abuse and how it disconnected her from her true identity for decades. Despite outward achievements—modeling, marriage, motherhood—she describes living as if trapped "in a black bag," going through motions prescribed by others rather than living from her authentic core. Her story mirrors what many women in ministry experience: following paths laid out by institutions, mentors, or cultural expectations rather than the unique calling God has placed within them.

Most transformative is Edna's account of how a devastating accident became her pathway to genuine spiritual awakening. While relearning to walk after breaking her entire right side, she discovered a relationship with God more authentic than anything she'd experienced in 29 years of religious observance. This breakthrough illuminates the paradoxical truth that sometimes our greatest authenticity emerges precisely when our carefully constructed identities are broken open.

Ready to discover your authentic calling beneath the layers of "shoulds" and expectations? Listen now, and join our community of imperfectly perfect women of faith who are embracing their tilted halos while making a genuine difference in the world.

Speaker 1:

Welcome to the Tilted Halo. This is a new podcast and it's for anybody who's a woman in ministry. You might be a pastor like myself, a bishop, a priest, a rabbi, music minister, elder children's minister whatever your title is. You're absolutely in the right place, especially if you're someone who loves your ministry and you're doing it well and you're feeling pressure to sometimes be perfect and deep down inside, you know you're not. And how in the world to deal with that? And men, you're absolutely welcome here too, because this is about ministry and the same thing can happen to you. So you're all in the right place. Let's get started with the show. Welcome to another episode of the Tilted Halo podcast for women of faith in any kind of position who know perfectly well that we are not quite perfect. And I'm your host, pastor Kathleen Panning. And I have with me today a wonderful guest who I met oh about a month or so ago at a conference in Toronto, Edna White.

Speaker 1:

And let me give you a little background on Miss Edna. She is an award-winning life-purpose coach, author and creative facilitator who specializes in empowering individuals to overcome past trauma and build fulfilling lives. With a unique approach that blends dynamic workshops, engaging presentations and personalized coaching, edna has become a leading figure in the field of personal development. Edna's journey into life coaching began with her own experiences of overcoming adversity, which fueled her passion for helping others to transform their lives. Her programs are designed to provide individuals with the knowledge and tools necessary to heal, connect effectively and thrive in all aspects of their lives. Through her work, she emphasizes the importance of understanding and addressing past trauma as a crucial step towards achieving personal growth and fulfillment. As an author, edna has penned several insightful books that delve into the intricacies of personal development and self-improvement. Her writing is celebrated for its clarity, compassion and practical advice, making her a sought-after voice in the industry. Edna's impact extends beyond her coaching and writing. She is a dynamic presenter and facilitator known for her engaging and transformative workshops. Her ability to connect with audiences and inspire change has earned her numerous accolades and a dedicated following.

Speaker 1:

Edna White is not just a life purpose coach. She is a catalyst for transformation, dedicated to helping individuals unlock their true potential and live their best lives. That's a lot. Thank you, edna, for being here For honor. It is really an honor to have you here. Thank you so much. I mean you talk about authenticity. Maybe it would be helpful to start by kind of defining what authenticity is or isn't okay I always give this, this um example.

Speaker 2:

Um, and I go back to my five-year-old self. Think about your five-year-old self and how you wanted. You had the creativity, you had the opportunity to do whatever you wanted. You had the creativity, you had the opportunity to do whatever you wanted when you were let out into the backyard or let out into the yard to play, right, nothing was an obstacle, right, nobody was an obstacle. Everybody was your friend. And that feeling of self-worth and self-esteem that you had, and that feeling of self-worth and self-esteem that you had. We have to take that back. So that's the authenticity that I'm talking about being so sure that the world supports you and you don't know anything about religion, you don't know anything about God. You don't know anything about yourself. You don't know anything about yourself. You don't even anything about the people you're around, but you have this knowing that you'll be okay. That's what I'm talking about Coming back to that place that there's all trust and belief in yourself and the supporting universe and God alone that you will want. That's really what it's about.

Speaker 1:

That's a beautiful picture. Unfortunately, not all five-year-olds have that experience and you know, there can be traumas and things even as a very young child traumas and things even as a very young child. Um so, but you know, for those who, who know that sense and that feeling, it's a beautiful feeling and it's a beautiful, um sense of being able to do and go and play and be creative and all of those wonderful things without somebody telling us how to do it or what to do. So, yeah, so why is this journey of becoming the authentic self, back to that state of freedom and knowing that we might have had as a child, why is that important?

Speaker 2:

to you. Well, I think it's important because, number one, I'm a product of, or I'm a survivor and now thriver of, childhood sexual abuse. That started at five. So I remember being happy and I also remember when I was damaged. So I have a great sense of what it feels like, you know, and I can really tell you that. Why is it important to me? Because all through life I was carrying the burden of shame, carrying the burden of who I was. I couldn't even figure out who I was because I was damaged early.

Speaker 2:

So think about being damaged, just think about being in a bag, right, just covered up, just closed off in a black bag, and living like that until you were in your 20s. So maybe you could peep out a little bit. But all through the times that you're supposed to be growing and knowing and learning and getting all this great information, I wasn't getting it. I wasn't getting any of that. Even though I was part of the world, I wasn't getting any of it. I went to college, I was modeling, I had children, I was married. I still children, I was married. I wasn't, still wasn't getting any of that. I was dull, I was numb and I was just moving along because somebody told me that's what I'm supposed to do. That's what I'm supposed to do. I even became part of Go ahead.

Speaker 1:

I'm sorry, as you're talking about that going along, because that's how somebody told you what they're supposed to do Without childhood sexual trauma. A lot of us, as women in particular, have that same. You know, this is how you're supposed to behave. What will the neighbors think? Do something different? I mean, I heard that kind of thing.

Speaker 1:

um yeah, uh, that's not the way our family does things right, yeah uh, all of those, all these things, and that puts that absolutely big over our heads and it has to the right way, so yeah, so please continue with your own story.

Speaker 2:

So, you know, going through that and then getting to the point like I'm going, I'm modeling because that's one of the things I wanted to do. So I'm modeling and I even know my own self-worth, my beauty. I didn't know I was beautiful until I was in my 40s. No one had ever told me that I was beautiful, ever, not even my parent. When I met my dad for the first time, I was 27, he did say oh, you are cute, you know. He said you are cute, you're cute, you sure you're my daughter. He did say that that I was beautiful. I heard that at 27. Then I really heard that you know, um, you know. And when older, like people say, oh you're really pretty, like it was a um, it was like I didn't notice it. But yeah, you are cute, like, almost like matter of factly, yeah, you are cute, you know what was they? I guess it was expecting something else. You know it was. It never was told you're beautiful, you know. I never heard that. I was hurt, you know. Oh, you are cute, you're cute, you know. Like they were expecting something else. You know, you know, and we as women, we don't get that. You know, we're either too busy or nurturing, doing the things that we're supposed to. You know, all those things we're supposed to do, you know, and fulfill somebody else's dream, except for the dream that God had instilled us in the first place. You know, and, obscure as it may be, sometimes it is an obscure position. You know, for me, I never knew that. I thought it was when I, when I started to join the church, I thought I was supposed to be in the pulpits. You know, doing this, this is what somebody kind of designed for me. You know, like I thought it was, that I didn't know, ministry was bigger, way bigger than I could ever think it was Right, I didn't know, I thought it was just one thing. And until I heard the call of God, like I really heard God's call, I feel like I was like and it was knocking on me. It was really knocking on me and I could hear him and I'm saying what's going on with me? What's going on? And the call was so present in my life that I was literally hearing out loud. So when I was out of the religious order let's just say the religious order, not out of God, but out of the religious order, because I was questioning and I was angry, I was upset.

Speaker 2:

The day that happened was New Year's Eve of 2026. And I had a horrific accident coming from church, where it landed me in the hospital with my entire right side broken. Everything on my right side was broken because the engine came in, you know, on top of my. My hip broke my legs, everything, and I was in hospital 48 days. So I had to relearn to walk. But in that walking I learned that God taught me every little step. He was with me. I've learned to have a relationship with God like I never learned in the 29 years. I was in the order and I'll tell you why Because I was doing what other people told me to do, and that's the lesson I got. Because other people pronounce oh, you're going to be this, you're going to do this, you should do this, you ought to do this, this is better for you. I was getting all those messages and not getting the message that God intended, that was already pronounced on my life. So I wasn't getting that message. Wow.

Speaker 1:

So that's why being your authentic self is important is getting that original message, that original message yeah, you're talking about all the people who told you what you should be doing, how you should do things, and all of that. It reminds me of somebody once told me the 11th commandment and then the one which is and I gotta say this carefully gaushkelp, not should about myself or others, and uh, that's a good one.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, every one of those shoulds becomes a judgment yes um of what's right or wrong and when we're not doing what others think we should, we become wrong in some ways, and that's you know, at least in their estimation of what's right and wrong, point in time. And, like you said, that puts a barrier to living out who we really are At least it can in my respect. Sometimes you know those things that other people tell us to do or how we should do them. You know it's okay, how we should do them. You know it's okay. But we always got to put ourselves the uniqueness of Edna, the uniqueness of Kathleen, into everything, otherwise it's not.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it's not. It's not genuine. But the Bible says study to show yourself approved. It doesn't say you take the study of somebody else. It said study to show yourself approved. That means, if it applies to you, apply it and make it applicable to your life. Does it mean apply it the way they tell you to apply it to your life? It means how can I apply this? Take this, take this, study this. Let me look at this now. How can I apply this to my original life? How can it make, how can I make it applicable to me, being my original self, and make it work?

Speaker 1:

right, and for some people, that might be yeah, that may. That may be singing, it may be art, being very artistic. It can be just the unique way we put ideas and concepts together, all of the uniqueness that's in each and every one of us. Yeah, you're not created to be that other person or compete with them, so it's not a competition. It's being your authentic self and who God created you to be, and that to be who God created us to be, be who God created us to be, that's what makes us the most beautiful, confident, worthy people of all. So well, thank you, edna. This has been absolutely, and what you talk about is really so important for all of us, as women of faith, in any position of leadership, to be our of itself. And to all those who are listening and are watching, please come back again for another episode of the Tilted Halo.

Speaker 1:

You have been listening to Tilted Halo with me, kathleen Panning. What did you think about this episode? I'd really like to hear from you. Leave me some comments, be sure to like, subscribe and share this episode and catch another upcoming episode. For more conversation on ministry, life, mindset and a whole lot more, go to wwwtiltedhalohelpcom, where I've got a resource guide and other resources waiting for you, and be sure to say hi to me, kathleen Panning, on LinkedIn. See you on the next episode.