The Tilted Halo

EP 60: Breaking Free from the Boxes We Build

• Kathleen Panning

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Have you ever felt stuck in a box of your own making? That nagging sensation that you're trapped in a role, a mindset, or a pattern that no longer serves you?

I want to take you on a journey through the concept of breaking free from self-imposed limitations and reframing our past experiences. Drawing from my book "Tilted Halo: Exposing the Truth of Women in Ministry and Untold Stories," I share a powerful personal story about transforming a painful wedding memory through the simple act of perspective shift. I recount how a reinterpretation of my father's wedding toast demonstrates how we can be "freed from" negative thought patterns that have constrained us for years.

The heart of this episode centers around the twin concepts of being "free from" and "free for." Through an engaging analogy about training a formerly wild dog, I illuminate how what initially feels like constraint can actually become the very thing that enables greater freedom and purpose. This isn't just philosophical musing—it's practical wisdom for anyone feeling boxed in by circumstances or their thinking. Whether you're a woman in ministry leadership or anyone seeking more authentic living, this episode offers a framework for identifying what you want liberation from and, more importantly, what mission or purpose you want liberation for.

Ready to break out of your box? Listen now, then reach out for additional resources to help you identify what you want to be freed from and freed for in your own life and ministry. Connect with me on LinkedIn to continue the conversation about living with your halo proudly tilted—perfectly imperfect in your calling.

Speaker 1:

Welcome to the Tilted Halo. This is a new podcast and it's for anybody who's a woman in ministry. You might be a pastor like myself, a bishop, a priest, a rabbi, music minister, elder children's minister whatever your title is, you're absolutely in the right place, especially if you're someone who loves your ministry and you're doing it well and you're feeling pressure to sometimes be perfect and deep down inside, you know you're not, and how in the world to deal with that? And men, you're absolutely welcome here too, because this is about ministry and the same thing can happen to you. So you're all in the right place. Let's get started with the show.

Speaker 1:

Welcome to another edition of the Tilted Halo. I am Pastor Kathleen Panning, your host for this wonderful show for women of faith in leadership who know perfectly well that we are not perfect not perfect. Hence the halo is a bit askew. Have you ever felt stuck, like you know, stuck in a job, a position, stuck in the way you look at life, stuck in the way you think about things, stuck in a relationship, stuck in anything, any different thing in life? Have you ever felt really stuck and wanting to break out of that box? Wanting to? Well, maybe not even realizing that you were in a box Well, maybe not even realizing that you were in a box, that you were really confined in your way of thinking, in your way of being things, in your way of doing something. There are times where we get stuck in life, stuck in a rut we talk about it stuck in a habit that it's not necessarily good for us, stuck in a way of doing something, stuck in driving the same route to the same place every single time, seeing the same thing over and over and over, and sometimes that that's just fine. You know, it's exactly what we want, exactly the way we want things and look at life and want to do things. Other times we get to a point where we think, oh, this is boring, this is not what I want, this is just really the same old, same old, same old, same old, wanting to experience something new, something more, something different to break out.

Speaker 1:

I talk about this in my book, tilted Halo, exposing the, the Truth of Women in Ministry and Untold Stories. And it's about the truth, about me, especially as a woman in ministry, because that's the primary focus I have when I was in parish ministry, but still today in ministry, and there were times in ministry where I felt stuck, and I talk about some of that in the book in a chapter that's about being free from and free for, and I came to that understanding of free from and free for in one particular time and I'll talk about that a little bit later in this episode. But where I got that from and how I understand that? But back to this idea of feeling stuck there are many times in our lives where we can feel stuck and, like I say, I talk about a couple of them, or at least one in my book, but there's another one that's not something I've always talked about in this sense of feeling stuck. I've talked about it in other ways.

Speaker 1:

But there was a time I was at a conference or it wasn't really a conference, it was, I think, part of a three-month-long mini sabbatical that I took, and I remember sitting in the room with this group of people and hearing the person leading this, named Barry Neal Kaufman, at the Option Institute in Sheffield, massachusetts, and hearing him say that you're never too old to have a happy childhood and I thought, huh, that doesn't make any sense. You know, we can be, have memories from childhood and those memories are just there. Those are the things that happened. How can we, you know, aside from just ignoring those things or pushing them out of our mind altogether? What in the world is he talking about? You're never too old to have a happy childhood, never too old to have a happy childhood, and part of it is the reality that we can become stuck in one way of understanding things from our childhood or in adult life. And as I sat in that group and listening to him, I thought I couldn't really think of something from my childhood that was, you know, really very unhappy.

Speaker 1:

But I thought about something else and I believe I share this in the book too, but in a different chapter, and I believe I share this in the book too, but in a different chapter something that happened at my own wedding reception, when my dad got up to give a toast and his comment was something to the effect that he had begun to think that this day would never happen. And I thought about that and when I heard it it was like, oh my God, he was thinking that I was going to be an old maid, that I would never get married and that, you know, I was done for single forever, and that's the way I always thought about it. In fact, at that moment I was ready to get up, leave the reception and go into the restroom and cry. It hit me that hard. I never talked to my dad about that, never asked him what he meant and I never told anyone else actually about my feelings of what he said at that moment and I lived with that for a number of years before sitting in that classroom, in that room it wasn't the typical classroom in that room it wasn't the typical classroom.

Speaker 1:

But in that room and hearing Barry Kaufman say you're never too old to have a happy childhood. So I was thinking, am I ever too old to have a happy wedding reception? And I was thinking, you know, is there any other possible way to look at this? It was, you know, the words were the words that were there. It's not the changing the words, that he wasn't talking about me. Maybe, just maybe, he was talking about himself. That he would never have the chance to walk me down the aisle, that he would never see me married to a wonderful man who I loved and who loved me, that he would not have the opportunity to host a wedding reception for me, that he was thinking he'd never get that opportunity. And it was something he really wanted to do, and thinking about that just totally blew open that box of this is a horrible thing. I don't even want to think about it. I put it out of my mind so that I could continue with the wedding reception and I had made the decision at that moment at the reception I wasn't going to let that ruin my wedding. I just put it out of my mind, I'm not going to deal with this, and went on with the reception.

Speaker 1:

But it always sat there in the back of my mind as something like you know, something I didn't like, something that was an unhappy experience, until until I sat in that room and realized maybe, maybe there's another way to think about this and suddenly I became freed from a negative understanding, a experience, a negative way of seeing that event, and myself and my dad and ever since then it's been. What a wonderful thing he said. You know his love for me, his wanting to see that kind of a day for me Instead of well, she's never going to get married. You know that kind of thing and I think I'm not a psychologist but I've often heard of that kind of thing as reframing an experience or event to see it in a different light, and it's part of what today is often called mindset how we set our minds, what we set our minds on, and sometimes our minds get set in concrete and it's not always good, instead of being set in some fertile soil and allowing things to grow, freed from. It's an idea.

Speaker 1:

The whole of free from and free for is something that came to me out of understanding some of Paul's words in the book of Romans that we are freed from by God's grace, freed from a relationship with God that we broke as human beings, and that's what we call sin and free for. Free for a new way, free for something beautiful and new to come, free to live as forgiven and forgiving human beings. When we are not free from, when we live in a box, whether it's in a position that we don't really like and that's not allowing us to grow and be as a faith leader, as a person in business, as you know, in a relationship, when we see a situation as confining and not allowing for that expansion that we're hungry for and looking for at the time, it does not help the relationship, it does not help us be the best we can be in that situation, and so part of being freed from is freeing from those negative perceptions that we have about a situation. Free from not free from the desire to grow and be something different and experience more, but free from thinking that it's not possible where we are. Maybe it's not possible in the way we think it is, but it could still be possible and we have to allow for that blossoming to be there. And if it's not possible where we are, then it's not just looking to be free from, but free for, for something new, to know what it is we want to go forward and towards. To just be free from is running wild and some people like that and think that's the greatest thing in the world. But we all know that.

Speaker 1:

Uh, you know, I think of some of the the dogs I've had, and one in particular. She was a stray and I found her literally sitting outside the church. So she became my church dog and it was after a congregational meal and she was a stray and hungry and smelling food from inside and there she sat saying feed me, feed me. And well, I took her in and she was a wild child. I mean, she had never had a collar on her, she had never had a leash on her, and so the first time I put a collar and a leash on her man, she fought me like a bunking bronco, and it wasn't until she got used to that. It took a while. I had to even go through obedience classes with her because she was such a wild child and the trainer called her a marine dog. Uh, somebody was just really out there, um, and she said I don't even know what breed combination she was, probably some, possibly some, terrier. She didn't look like a bulldog in any respect, but terrier, you know. Who knows what was all in her, but she was bound and determined to have her will in her way, and so we had to learn to work together to have her be free, for a productive and happy relationship with me and eventually with another dog as well.

Speaker 1:

And so sometimes what we think are constraints that close us in can actually be a way of helping direct us, helping us see possibilities and new ways of looking at life, looking at things that we're doing, a way of maybe in a sense taming our enthusiasm, or ways of doing things so that they can be more focused and concentrated and productive in certain ways.

Speaker 1:

I eventually got to be able to do some wonderful long walks with that dog and she loved to run and play and had a fenced-in area of our yard, our property, where she could just run and run and run her heart out, so that she had that freedom to do that, but within limits, and and then to be able to also accept a collar and a leash to go for a walk where she was not just running wild out there, which could have gotten her in trouble with neighbors and maybe even gotten her hit or injured on the road. So we need limits, we need boundaries, sometimes many times. But we also need to think of yes, we want to know what we want. We need to know what we want to be free from. But what is it we want to be free for? What's the purpose of that freedom? What is really the goal out there? What is it we want to move towards in a healthy way? What is that ministry, that mission that tugs at our hearts, that we really would love to work towards?

Speaker 1:

So as you think about the times where you have felt, where something doesn't feel good, it's a memory that is always kind of gnawing at you and nagging at you whether it's a position that does not allow for the kind of growth and advancement in ministry, in life, in a job, a profession, whatever it may be. What is it that we as women, or you as a woman of faith and leadership, want to be free from but also free for? And then how do we work towards that? As a person of faith, asking God's guidance definitely Patience sometimes we need a lot of that but also the clarity to know what it is to be free for and to allow God to help guide us, to have the mindset that allows us to be free from and free for when the time is right to step into that new opportunity, the new way of seeing something from the past, the new opportunities for the future, and when we free ourselves from negative things from the past, that also frees us for living bigger, bolder, more in God's love and grace, even in the present. So don't overlook the present when you think about free for, free for more vibrant living now, as well as something to move towards.

Speaker 1:

So, what do you want to be free from? We all have things, you know. What is it that you might want to be free from? Small things, big things, what is it? And then, what is it you want to be free for An exercise, to write that down. Think about that, talk to God about it, pray about it. If you need help working through something from the past, get that help, someone to help you think through. What are the ways that might there be to understand that? Is there a way to reframe it, to see it in a different light, as an opportunity or as something that shines a different perspective on something? A different perspective on something? So until the next time, come back, watch other episodes or listen to other episodes of the Tilted Halo. Look for my book Tilted Halo Exposing the Truth of Women in Ministry and Untold Stories stories. That's the full title and leave me a comment, some likes. Whatever it may be for you, but most of all, start thinking about jotting some things down. What is it you want to be free from? And god always says when we're free from, it's always to be free for what is the ministry, the mission, the way of living that you want to be free for? That shows God's love in this world. So God's peace and blessings.

Speaker 1:

You have been listening to Tilted Halo with me, kathleen Panning. What did you think about this episode? I'd really like to hear from you. Leave me some comments. Be sure to like, subscribe and share this episode and catch another upcoming episode. For more conversation on ministry life, mindset and a whole lot more, go to wwwtiltedhalohelpcom, where I've got a resource guide and other resources waiting for you, and be sure to say hi to me, kathleen Panning, on LinkedIn. See you on the next episode.