The Tilted Halo

EP 62: Embracing Doubt: The Secret to Vibrant Faith

• Kathleen Panning

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Doubt has gotten a bad rap in religious circles for centuries. Many of us have grown up hearing about "Doubting Thomas" as a cautionary tale – an example of insufficient faith rather than natural curiosity. But what if we've been approaching doubt all wrong?

In this eye-opening episode of The Tilted Halo, I challenge the conventional wisdom that doubt represents spiritual failure. Drawing from Frederick Buechner's brilliant definition that "doubts are the ants in the pants of faith" that "keep it awake and moving," I offer a refreshing perspective, particularly valuable for women in ministry and leadership positions.

Throughout the episode, I share some candid reflections on my journey through doubt – from wondering if I could ever become a pastor (especially when growing up in a tradition that didn't allow female ministers), to questioning whether I could complete seminary, secure positions, or make a meaningful impact. Rather than undermining her calling, these doubts continually drove me back to prayer, expanding my vision of what might be possible with God.

For anyone who has ever experienced second-guessing or found themselves trapped in the "should have, would have, could have" cycle of self-judgment, this episode offers liberation. Especially for women in faith leadership who feel pressure to be perfect while knowing they aren't, my message is this: your tilted halo isn't a sign of failure but evidence of authentic engagement with your faith. Your doubts don't diminish your ministry – they might be exactly what keeps it vital, growing, and receptive to divine possibilities beyond your imagination.

Ready to transform how you view doubt in your spiritual journey? Listen now, and discover how embracing uncertainty might be the key to deeper faith. 

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Welcome to the Tilted Halo.

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This is a new podcast and it's for anybody who's a woman in ministry. You might be a pastor like myself, a bishop, a priest, a rabbi, music minister, elder children's minister whatever your title is, you're absolutely in the right place, especially if you're someone who loves your ministry and you're doing it well and you're feeling pressure to sometimes be perfect and deep down inside, you know you're not, and how in the world to deal with that? And men, you're absolutely welcome here too, because this is about ministry and the same thing can happen to you. So you're all in the right place. Let's get started with the show. Hello, this is Pastor Kathleen Panning, again coming to you with another episode of the Tilted Halo, a show for women of faith and leadership who know perfectly well that we are not perfect. It's also for men a faith in leadership and for women, especially if you are a leader in a faith community pastor, priest, rabbi I know that there aren't female imams around these days but, deacon, elder, whatever that position may be, this show is for you, but it's also for those of you who are people of faith and leadership in a business, in the community.

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How do we live out our faith. What does it mean to be a person of faith in the position we hold and especially in these days and the times and the kinds of ways of thinking and being that are going on in our world? There are all kinds of challenges to our faith with that, and one of the things that I talk about in my new book is second-guessing ourselves. The book is called Tilted Halo exposing I always get the subtitle wrong Tilted Halo Exposing the Truth of Women in Ministry and Untold Stories. That's the title. So it's mostly stories from my ministry, but talking about that in a way that, how does this relate to you? What does this mean for you, especially as a woman of faith in ministry, in leadership in some way? And one of the chapters that I talk about is about second-guessing and how I have second-guessed myself many times in life and how that can be very frustrating, how that can be very frustrating and we can wonder, well, is this really where God wants me? Is this what I'm supposed to be doing? Is this the way to go for myself, for faith community, for the people I'm leading? And we can really wonder about that and sometimes with second guessing, it's not second guessing and doubt can seem very similar. Is this really it? That's kind of a doubt statement as well. I should have, would have, couldn't. That's also a part of second guessing. I should have done it this way, oh, I could have. Oh, if only I would have done that. The should have, would have, could have.

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Stuff is always a judgment that we're leveling against ourselves and that's a way of kind of putting ourselves down and not realizing that and not believing that, based on what we believed and the evidence we had at the time, we made the choice that we did for the best of reasons usually, hopefully, for the best of reasons the best of reasons, usually, hopefully for the best of reasons, but based on what we believed and what we saw was the need at that particular time. When it comes to doubt and this is not in the book, so you've got to go read the book for the rest of the part of the story about second guessing but there are many faith practices and people who always talked about doubt as a very bad thing. I grew up hearing that Doubting Thomas. Oh, he was a bad disciple because he doubted that Jesus had really risen from the dead. Well, the rest of them, quite frankly, doubted too, on Easter morning and they had to see for themselves that the tomb was empty. They had to see for themselves, they had to see for themselves that Jesus was there and he ate with them or appeared in the room with them the upper room, no-transcript. And so doubt has gotten a very bad rap, so to speak, for centuries. That you know, if doubt creeps in that thatological ABC and it'siscopal priest and preacher, and in this book of Theological ABC he gives definitions of some things and some are longer than others, but for now it's very short, it's a very short little definition and it are longer than others, but for doubt it's very short, it's a very short little definition and it really has stuck with me and I'd like to read it to you from his book. And it goes like this Whether your faith is that there is a God or that there is not a God, if you don't have any doubts you are either kidding yourself or asleep.

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Doubts are the ants in the pants of faith. They keep it awake and moving. I love that definition. Doubt is the ants in the pants of faith. The doubts keep it awake and moving. Those doubts whether we doubt ourselves and what we're doing, whether we doubt God, or how God is moving and working in our lives, or is God even working and moving in our lives that keeps our faith awake and moving? We need those doubts, need those doubts to open us up, to think more, to think bigger, to stop thinking quite so small. Could God really do this? Could this mean such a thing? Could this be where God is leading me or us as a community? Could it really be possible that we would do such a thing? Wow, you know, doubt the ants in the pants of fate. Keep it awake and moving.

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I doubted that I could ever do a book, and now I've got a book. I doubted that many times that I could be a pastor, primarily because when I was growing up, the possibility of women being a pastor just did not exist, was not allowed. I doubted that I could make it through seminary. Many times I doubted that I would get a position. I doubted that I would ever move from the first position to something different. I doubted that many times. Was I cut out to really do this? Is this what God really wanted from me and for me? I doubted myself. I've doubted God many, many, many times.

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Yes, and that keeps my halo off and askew tilted in many respects, but it also has kept my faith awake and moving, searching, asking, thinking and asking God, is this really what you want? Could it be possible? Yeah, thinking, taking my thinking from something confined and small to seeing bigger possibilities and what really could be in God's vision for the ministry I was a part of, for me, but most of all for the ministry and for the people of faith, for us as people of faith, you know there's always been wars and rumors of wars, unfortunately, and there's wars in several different parts of the world today, even as we speak, no matter when you're listening to this, there are wars going on, fighting conflicts, open warfare and people who disagree and fight verbally and bring pain and suffering into relationships, into businesses, into faith communities because they have the right answer. Well, one side thinks that and the other side disagrees and we don't always know how to handle those things. But thinking about God's presence and how can we, as people and women of faith in leadership, bring God's word even into the midst of those places? Is it possible? Yes, can our little ministry, our little business, our little congregation, ever do anything worthwhile? I've served two small congregations and they many times believe that. You know we're too small to do anything like that.

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Well, guess what Jesus started out with just 12 disciples and look where the church is now. You know, yeah, could it be possible? With God, all things are possible. All good things, all things in love are possible. Doubt is a reality and it's okay to second guess, to doubt, to wonder is this really what God wants? You know what? Maybe it's not, but maybe, just maybe, against all possibilities and all logic and all reasoning, maybe it really is, really is. And you know that doubt keeps our faith. Asking that question keeps us coming back to God and saying could it be? Could it be? And the answer is yeah, it's possible sometime is yeah, it's possible sometime. So may your life today be filled with a little bit of doubt and may God keep your doubts coming to keep your faith awake and moving, to come back to God, to see new possibilities, to give things a try and to know that, even if it doesn't work out, it's not the end of the world and God is still there to help you try again with something new. That's the beauty of God's grace and God's love. For us as faith leaders, yes, and for the people of our faith communities. For us as faith leaders, even in a business other than church business or temple business, but in any kind of business, that is God's gift to us grace and the freedom to doubt and to try again.

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So look for my book please Tilted Halo Exposing the Truth of Women in Ministry and Untold Stories and come back again next week or next time. Look for another episode of this on a podcast, your favorite podcast platform, streaming TV, wherever you may be watching or listening to this, but come back again. Leave me a comment, some likes, and I welcome you and invite you to be part of this journey of, you know, imperfect ministry, perfectly placed in God's grace. So until next time. This is I Am the Tilted Halo. You have been listening to Tilted Halo with me, kathleen Panning. What did you think about this episode? I'd really like to hear from you. Leave me some comments, be sure to like, subscribe and share this episode and catch another upcoming episode. For more conversation on ministry, life, mindset and a whole lot more, go to wwwtiltedhalohelpcom, where I've got a resource guide and other resources waiting for you, and be sure to say hi to me, kathleen Panning, on LinkedIn. See you on the next episode.