In My Kitchen with Paula

Living La Dolce Vita in Puglia with Paola Maggiulli (Part 1)

• Paula Mohammed • Episode 15

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Feeling stressed? Discover how cooking simple Italian dishes can be a form of self-care.

This episode of 'In My Kitchen with Paula' features a deep and engaging conversation with Paola, also known as the Tiny Italian. Host Paula Mohammed invites Paola to share her inspiring journey from the corporate fashion world to becoming a self-love coach and Italian cookery teacher. They discuss Paola's transition from a high-stress career to finding joy and balance through cooking. 

The conversation delves into the importance of mindful cooking, the Mediterranean diet, and embracing a Dolce Vita lifestyle. Paola shares personal anecdotes, her method of revolutionizing self-care through cooking, and provides tips on creating a positive cooking mindset and maintaining a healthy work-life balance. 

The episode also touches on the cultural importance of food in Italy and how Paola makes it accessible to everyone.

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SAY HELLO

In My Kitchen creates connections one dish at a time, by exploring culture through food. I do this through unique culinary workshops, speaking engagements, and of course, this podcast.

I'd love to hear from you! Connect with me in one of three ways:

Paula: [00:00:00] Hi, I'm Paula Mohamed and welcome to In My Kitchen with Paula. This podcast is a gathering place for culinary adventures who love to travel. Every week, we'll come together with chefs, cookbook authors, talented home cooks, and everyone in between to talk about their story and their unique dish. Using food as the vehicle, we'll take a ride into the ins and outs of their culture and country.

Come on, let's get this party started.

Paola. And I met through a course a few years ago, and I have wanted to have Paola on the show for awhile now. To talk about the Dolce Vita lifestyle, Puglia Italian cuisine and her amazing story. That brought her to sharing love and self care through Italian cooking. In this episode, I was so interested in Paola's Dolce Vita methods that we ran out of time to talk about Puliga so we did a second interview to talk about Puliga Italian cuisine and much more, and that you can find in the next episode. My chat with Paolo was [00:01:00] very timely for me, as I have been delving into positive psychology, which is basically the science behind living well. I've always known that cooking and connecting around food creates positive emotions in so many ways. But I really wanted to find out the science behind it and I'm loving what I am learning. 

Paola is a self-love coach, Italian cookery teacher qualified cookAn Italian food culture expert. Paola also known as the . , tiny Italian is on a mission to revolutionize self care through cooking. She empowers busy people worldwide to embrace healthier eating habits through the joy of cooking. Transforming self-neglect into self-love. While she she herself escaped a toxic working relationship and recovered from burnout. Paola discovered a happier, healthier, balanced life through the power of cooking. She now [00:02:00] transforms lives by teaching simple, sustainable cooking habits that seamlessly integrate into busy lifestyles. Enabling people to eat healthier, embrace the Mediterranean diet and enjoy a Dolce Vita lifestyle. Improving their connection with food. Self-care. And wellbeing so that they can thrive. 

Talking to Paola of reinforces everything that I've always believed in, around cooking and eating together. And I love that she is making it accessible to all. 

hi, Paola. It's so great to have you here.

Paola: Hi! So excited to be here. I have tell you that I secretly pretend my name is Paola sometimes. My good friends who know me well, that's what my nickname is, Paola. I say it like that. I pretend I'm in Italy, but you're real I'm the imposter.

I'm half the real deal, should I say, because I'm not fully Italian. I'm half Italian, half Colombian. But then, in \ Colombia, my name is pronounced Paola. So my mum calls me Paola. And my dad calls me Paola, and I've just got used to that my whole life, so it's, uh, and in the UK they call me P because I can't be bothered to pronounce it, so I'm just P in the UK, so yeah.

Paula: You're coming to us from Puglia, Italy. And I'm so excited. So we actually, we met, I don't know, a couple of years ago now we've never met in person 

Ever since I met you, I've always thought, Oh, there's something that we can do together. I know it because you have such an amazing energy,

Paola: thank you.

Paula: I want to dive right in. And I was thinking about where this conversation could go, and it can go in so many different directions. 

We could talk about so much!

 I've actually been myself exploring positive psychology a little bit doing some sort of the science behind well being and I watch what you're doing and it's like, oh my gosh, this is so interesting, but let's start from the beginning. I could make the assumption that your passion for [00:04:00] Italian cooking came from your Italian heritage, your, your father's from Italy, but I know that's not true.

So how about you start telling us your story and we'll go from there.

Paola: So, yeah, my love for Italian cooking didn't actually start until about 14 years ago, when I basically just turned 30. Um, but I, you know, I was, I grew up with an Italian father, I grew up with the Italian family deli, I grew up with summer holidays every year in Puglia and I remember like being a teenager and just like not being interested.

Like my eating habits were terrible, just kept it really simple. I just wanted to eat just like the most basic things. And then that even went into like my twenties and I was at uni. I was so career focused and I didn't really understand or appreciate like what I grew up with. So, you know, there was, we always [00:05:00] had freshly made food every day.

My mum would come home from work, cook it. It was just a given. I didn't really appreciate any of it. I didn't really cook, learn to cook until I went to university. And that was because I realized that, The real pesto is not what is sold in the supermarket, and what is sold in the supermarket just tastes disgusting.

And I was like, oh, and then I started to get an inclination that maybe how I'd been brought up food wise was a little bit different to what maybe my other friends, um, grew up with, but anyway. I ended up just being very career focused, super, super career focused and just had a very long 15 year career in fashion for 15 years, worked for different corporate clients, um, but I'll be honest with you, throughout those 15 years, even though I progressed really well and I climbed up the ladder and I made, you know, I made some good money in my late 20s and I travelled all around the world.

I was not a very happy person. I think what attacked, for many reasons, like, [00:06:00] I was from, in terms of work, I was definitely burnt out and stressed. And that came from a place where I probably didn't really prioritize myself and my needs. I was solely focusing on making money, climbing that corporate ladder, just trying to like gain more.

validation through work, while at the same time, I was completely neglecting what I was eating, how I was taking care of myself, some life choices. And even before that, I actually had, you know, this is in terms of my personal life. I went through something quite traumatic in my early twenties and dealt with a, um, traumatic relationship, like a mo emotional relationship with another person that didn't treat me very well.

Gladly I got out of that relationship. I don't think I even really reflected on it. And so I took a lot of that trauma into my twenties, then kind of threw myself into my corporate job. So it was, um, it was like an amalgamation of two things. I had trauma that I hadn't really ever dealt with.

And then I threw myself into work [00:07:00] thinking that was going to make me feel like a better person and validated and special and important and successful. But what I was essentially doing was just ignoring everything that I was feeling inside and trying to cover that with work. And that led, like I said, into poor eating habits, poor sleeping habits, poor life choices.

And so, my story was that when I hit 30, my dad decided that he had to sell the family deli. And so I lived above that family deli for 10 years. Um, for 10 years. And I did make the most of living above that deli. But I don't feel like, I remember, I think I had three meals on rota. Three meals I would cook myself because they were just the most easiest, simplest meals I could make.

And to be honest, I didn't care that I was bored out of my mind. It was just like the easiest thing to do. But when my dad was like, the shop selling, I wasn't actually living above the shop anymore when my dad sold, when he was selling it. But, you know, I, I was still living locally, so I still had easy access [00:08:00] to it.

And, um, I don't know what it was. I can't explain it. But it was like I knew that him selling the business was like losing part of me. it was like, I, this is gonna sound quite big. It was like, I'd already knew I'd lost myself. in some ways, subconsciously, I knew I wasn't happy and I wasn't, my, wasn't myself, but having my dad say like, we're selling the deli.

This is what I've known all my life and now it's going and it's so I felt really. Unsettled. And so the first thing I thought of was like, well, where am I going to get my freshly made pesto from? Because I know that supermarkets just sell shit on the shelves. Like it's not, it's not, it's not the best stuff.

Where am I going to get the fresh tomato from? Where am I going to get my sausages from? Where am I, you know, all this sort of stuff. And I was just going, so that kind of happened for a while. The shop finally went, and then I was just at work one day and I just think it was just, I just kind of said [00:09:00] to myself, I was so tired of living this hamster wheel life where I was going to work, leaving late, choosing to go to the pub, you know, getting a few beers, choosing to eat a bag of crisps because it was just easier than having to go home and cook food late at night.

And I just was like, I just want a bowl of spaghetti and tomato sauce. I just want a proper Italian bowl of spaghetti and tomato sauce. So. I just looked it up online, like, how do you make a homemade tomato sauce? I didn't know how to make a proper one. I'd seen it being made by my mum, but I hadn't Up until that point, I was like, I can't be bothered.

I thought it took about 20 hours to, boil. Anyway,

Paula: Paola, just to, sorry to interrupt, but just so you, I don't know if our listeners will be clear on this, but at this time, like where the Italian deli was, this is in London. This is not

Paola: Oh yeah, sorry!

Paula: You're in

Paola: is Yeah, so I'm like a born, I'm a born and bred Londoner, so I've lived, I lived in London most, well, nearly all my life up until recently. So yeah, this was an [00:10:00] Italian deli in South London, which, you know, for many years I saw my dad feed a community. For 20 odd years. But I still didn't understand, until the deli went, like how special that place was.

Because it wasn't just a place that sold Italian food, it was a place where people connected. People, Italians who were, who were away from home that used to come to my dad's to feel like they were home. Or local mums that didn't, wanted to find something really interesting to feed their kids. Or, wanted some advice on like how to cook this and how to cook that.

So yeah, like it was. You know, it was crazy. So yeah, so I'm in London at the same time working his corporate life. And I really hate to say it. I wasn't ashamed of the deli, but I just thought. I was, I felt like I was trying to create a better life for myself than what my dad had done, which is so I can't even believe I used to have those thoughts.

I'm so ashamed of myself. My dad came from another country and built a whole business and served a whole community for like years and years and years. And there's like me trying to like, think if [00:11:00] I work for one of the biggest luxury designers in the world, I'm supposedly better when actually I was miserable.

Paula: Think we're all like that in our in the twenties, that's part of that stage of life.

Paola: Yeah, exactly. So my story was that, yeah, this day I wanted to have tomato, spaghetti and tomato sauce. And instead of going to the pub, I went to a local supermarket and I was like, Oh, my dad used to sell that pasta brand. I'll buy that. Oh, that tin of tomatoes. I think that's a good one. I buy that.

Anyway, I realized that a good tomato sauce can be actually done in like under half an hour. I made it, cooked it. And I sat, I remember just sitting down, like, not in front of the TV, I don't know what was going on, I'm just going to sit at the table, like we would in Italy, and just enjoy this bowl of pasta.

And I remember just having that first mouthful, and just being, like, so overcome with, positive emotions of, did I just make that? Did I actually just cook this? , I couldn't believe it. I was like, this tastes amazing. It felt like I was back at my [00:12:00] nonna's in Italy, eating, the tomato and spaghetti and thinking like, holy crap, I don't need to be, I don't need my aunt or my nonna to cook this for me.

I can do this myself. So anyway, that's kind of where that all started from. And so what was then happening was that I realized I wanted to repeat that feeling again. I wanted to repeat that feeling of like happiness and joy and also a sense of empowerment and confidence because I had just done something so wonderful for myself.

So that's how it all kind of started and then where I am now, that's, so now I, you know, try and help other women. to love themselves through healthy eating habits by changing the way they feel about cooking. Because, believe it or not, just because I grew up with a multicultural background, with living in about an Italian deli, I wasn't just , oh I was born half Italian, so I was just, part of my roots is that I must cook.

Like, that wasn't the case, at all,

Paula: So you have a fabulous, , social media presence [00:13:00] and your website, there's actually a photo on your website of your dad's deli. You have obviously gone on some journey and built this repertoire of recipes.

I'm really curious, , was this, Going to live with your Nona and learning from her, or were you on a mission for learning your recipes of your heritage, or was it more about the self cookery part of it? How did that progress?

Paola: How did it start? Yeah, so first of all, my nonna wasn't around when this all kind of all really kicked off. She passed away in my mid twenties, but I used to always think of her and what she would cook. But it wasn't so much that, it's just at the time it was like, as soon as I knew that I could make one of my favorite dishes, al pomodoro, because that's exactly how it's properly pronounced in Italian.

I just wanted to learn some of my favorite Italian dishes. I just wanted to learn to how to create that for myself. It wasn't coming from a place of self care or self love. It was only years later that I realized that's what I [00:14:00] was doing. Cause sometimes it's not so obvious why, while you're doing something.

But I essentially, what happened, I then decided. I must create a blog so that I can keep all these recipes that I'm creating in one place Because I don't want to forget. It was like it was like a form of accountability I want to be accountable for myself.

I had gone from being someone who had completely self neglected themself, was so work focused, I would have called myself a work addict, to then being like, found this whole brand new hobby. It was like a hobby, and it was like, I was able to think about something else that wasn't work, but it also gave me joy and happiness.

And it also helped me learn more about me and my culture. So for about that then evolved into a blog where people actually were finding me. I can categorically say, and I'm proud of quite proud of this. I was one of the first original Italian food bloggers in London in the early 2010s.

 I got invited by Italian embassy to loads of events. I was getting called up by [00:15:00] brands. I was like, where's this all coming from? And this was like before Instagram was even a thing. So I was , how am I even getting found? This is crazy. so that's how it started. Then eventually went into the self care, self love, and that was really around the time of COVID and lockdown.

 I was more of an influencer, who was doing supper clubs, doing the odd cooking class, but it was all about just Italian food. It was about how cooking can be fun and delicious, but it was, that's where, that's where it ended. I wanted to be the Italian food influencer that was bringing Italian food in, Accessible, fun, enjoyable way.

And that's where it kind of like ended for me. That's where I didn't go beyond that. And then COVID happened, the pandemic happened, and that's when it all shifted.

Paula: So before we move on to that next shift, which I'm really curious about, want to ask you, so when you were going through that stage of burnout, and but you were obviously, Rocking your career life and you'd made it, to the top of the ladder. Were [00:16:00] you feeling, what, where was your self confidence at?

And then when you started the blog and cooking, did that shift? Was there a lack of self confidence happening?

Paola: Yeah. Massive. It was massive. My job validated me. It was the only thing that I felt good about myself. I kind of get a little bit emotional thinking about it, but it, cause I feel like, I wish I told her that everything was going to be okay. I just blocked everything out, like the trauma, the trauma that I'd went through.

I just blocked it out. And I was like, and this person that had caused this trauma had told me had to say things like, you're boring and you've got nothing interesting to say. That stayed in my head forever. So I was like, if I can just prove that I can be really good at my job, then I will just feel better. But the job didn't actually do that because it was the wrong form of validation. I wasn't asking for validation from myself. I was asking validation from a company and giving me validation by giving me a certain pay packet. But actually the validation I [00:17:00] needed was for myself. I needed to give myself that validation.

That's how I, that's how I've recovered from all that trauma. And that's where I am now. And I'm just, I could have, wish I could have told her that girl, when I was 24, 25, it's going to be okay. Like, you're going to figure it all out. So that's what cooking did. Cooking gave me the confidence and the empowerment, and it really shifted my self confidence.

And it made me go like, you are so much more than just an employee at a corporate company. People love your cooking. Your friends love your cooking. , I wouldn't even invite anyone over for dinner. But when I started to realize I was actually good at food. And my dad started telling me,, you do know you're really good.

And my dad is a super hard critic. He's such a critic, he coincides with everyone. He's a true Italian man. If something's not good, he will tell you to your face. Oh my God, that hurts. But my dad was your food is really, really good. And I was like, okay. And he was like, don't tell your mom.

I think you're better than her. And I was like, oh, my mom's a good cook. So I was like, wow, this is amazing. So then what I ended up [00:18:00] doing was getting this self confidence and empowerment, but I did notice a huge change in how I felt about myself. It was more that I was eating better.

And I think we all know there's so much conversation out there about ultra processed food and bad eating habits. Cause I was eating better food. I was eating more fresh produce, my mental health and my physical health massively improved because I was just eating better. So when you do that, you just do feel better.

Eating. Fresh food, eating more fresh food and reducing your intake of ultra processed food is one of the easiest ways to get to feel a sense of health and well being very quickly. And then I also found that cooking was a way for me to disconnect from work. So it started to regulate my nervous system.

And I started to just feel like it was a really good way. Like I wasn't looking at my emails. I wasn't looking at my Blackberry because that's what we had at the time. I wasn't checking what was going on. It was just like me and my pan and the little kitchen radio, which was Something also very important, like really, [00:19:00] I love music so having a radio in my kitchen really made the kitchen experience more attractive and made, wanted me to go in and cook.

And then I started inviting friends over and then rather than meeting my friends in the pub and us getting absolutely

I would be like, let's come out to my house and I'll cook us dinner. , I was creating better relationships with my friendships. So that was also building my confidence. And I was also feeling the love from them. They were receiving the love from me for my food. And it was like, it was that realization of , Oh, this is what Italian Mediterranean cooking food culture is all about.

This is what my family have been teaching me for years, but I chose to completely ignore. But now I'm embracing it in my own way, and now I'm learning to love myself through the act of cooking. Not just through health, but through stress regulation and creating connections through food. 

Paula: I can't help thinking but when you were younger, and you were spending those summers in Puglia with your Italian family, and I sense that you were having these similar feelings [00:20:00] and connecting with family and having that connection through food, would that be a correct assumption 

Paola: my grandparent's house was just like this one big house, like one floor, but it had lots of stairs. And my nonna had problems with her hip, where she had one leg shorter than the other. But being, I think it's, I it's a Italian thing, I think it's My family were extremely stubborn.

She did not want to get a Zimmer frame. So she was like, I'm not having one of those. But what it meant was that she would only be able to walk along the wall. And so she couldn't get to the kitchen because it was on the other side of the house. So they created, they built this kitchen outside for her on the patio.

This, I'm not even joking, it was like one meter width wise, maybe a meter and a half. No, it was tiny, but she cooked in there. And one of my earliest memories of her with this massive rolling pin was about this big, was probably the same length, same width as her height, because she was tiny and just rolling out this massive sheet of [00:21:00] pasta in this tiny kitchen and she managed, and then we'll have lunch and there was like 12 people sat around a table, all family, and she had just made this meal out of the tiny kitchen.

And we were all just sitting there having fun. And that was one of my favorite moments was just like sitting around the table, my family, we were all eating the same thing. There was nothing, what, what the adults ate. The children ate. You were treated like an equal, which is one of the things I really, really celebrate about Italian cooking.

And when I speak to moms and they tell me they're cooking four different dishes, because I'm just like, where has this come from? This really creates poor relationships with food. We're not seeing as a food as a way of connection. I'm not saying we have to force people. Children food that they don't want.

But I feel like if you come from a place of you can just pick and choose what you want, and then that mum has this role of I've got to do that. It becomes an unpaid job that no one wants. If you're sat at a table where you're connecting as a family and your children understand [00:22:00] what you've done, what you've created, and you're sat there talking over your food, talking about your day, talking about what's happened, sharing the funny times, sharing the sad times.

That is what food is about. It's so powerful. Whether you live on your own, invite friends over. If you live with other people, get them involved. Or it's even just, even if you are on your own, I always just appreciate what you've done for yourself. Just because you live on your own.

I have so many people that say, I live on my own, so I just think it's just a waste of time and food if I cook. And I'm like, this is madness. But again, that was me. But now I see it so the other way. Watching my Nonna cook was probably one of the earliest memories. My aunties are phenomenal cooks, but everything they made was like four ingredients.

Paula: Yes. Simple is always best,.

Paola: So simple, so simple. And I think That was a good connection with me when I wanted to start cooking, that I realised that what I wanted to eat wasn't that complicated. Because I'd seen how they produced it and [00:23:00] how simple the ingredients were and only a handful were needed and the processes were so, also so easy to approach.

When I started doing it myself, I subconsciously knew that my, my subconscious was telling me, you know it's not that hard.

 When I actually got around to doing it, when it happened, I felt like it was a surprise, but that's kind of what I grew up knowing.

Paula: So you had this transformation happen once you started the blog and cooking Italian, good simple Italian food for friends. How did that then transform into this self love cookery? What happened around COVID? What was the shift there?

Paola: Well, before I did all the food blogging thing, but I was still in corporate. So I worked in fashion to 2018. So I was doing it as like the blogging thing, like a side thing. And then 2018, I decided I wanted to take it. Full time.

I had no idea what I was doing. I had no plan. I just quit a [00:24:00] corporate job.

I also ended a three and a half relationship. And I was like, bye bye. Some, that's when my self love journey started, but not with food, but with myself,

so that's quite an important part for me. Because I was in a job that I thought, you know, I thought I could do this food thing on the side, but then I wasn't, I remember just that feeling again.

I started to recognize the feelings of I'm not happy, but I knew what to look out for now. I'd gone through it before and I was going through it again. And it was this shift. My body wanted to do something different. So then, yeah, I, first of all, boyfriend went. Useless, waste of space. And then, corporate job, I was like, I make millions and millions, actually billions of pounds, and I'm only getting a fraction of that.

Ta ta, I'm going. I know I'm a good businesswoman, so I'm now going to like, put all those skills into My next job and yeah, that was, I don't know what [00:25:00] I was doing. I don't know what I thought it was. So yeah, I started off doing all sorts of jobs like food columns, supper clubs, cooking classes.

Covid happened. I had only done two cooking classes at the time, but I remember thinking at the time, or I remember people telling me at the time, I literally did a cooking class like, like four days before the everything shut down. And someone saying to me, \ I don't know if anyone's told you this before, but you're a really good teacher.

And I'm like, am I? Like, you're really great. You make things really easy and simple. You're super fun. And you play the music. And I've never experienced cooking like this before. And I was like, okay, great. COVID happened. And I had like a temporary freelance job that had nothing to do with food just to keep me going with my food stuff.

So it was like a way to pay the mortgage and still be able to do my stuff on the side. It was quite intense, but it financially made me feel very secure. Covid happened, that completely went. And the first two months of [00:26:00] COVID, I managed to make 45 pounds because someone asked me if I would make them a cake.

And I was like, yeah, and I'm not a baker, but I was like, yeah, I can do cake. I can do cake. If I just put love in it, it'll be fine. I'll just put love, it's fine. Anyway, she loved the cake, so that's all that mattered. Do you remember the time when it all happened?

Like everyone was jumping on all these sort of like online platforms, Paula, like, and I was like, what is this? I was like, this is mad. You can have, that's

Paula: We were one year anniversary pretty much for In My Kitchen, doing all of these in person cooking classes in the home of the host. When COVID hit, that just got completely shut down. And then it was Zoom? What Zoom? Okay, well, let's try it.

And it was, it was, Terrifying. At the same time, there was a sense of freedom to try anything because nobody was judging because we were all in the space of just like throw it and see what sticks to the wall. Let's just wing it. You had some freedom for things not to be [00:27:00] perfect. And that's where I learned the art of imperfection 

and to be okay with things aren't not being perfect before you put them out there.

Paola: I remember like just, I remember like being on my friends. I think my friends had organized a fancy dress quiz and I was like, what is this sumo lurking? And they're like, obviously no, la la la. And I'm like, and then obviously, I still had made no money, but I was thinking, how can I do cooking?

I was at the time making lasagnas for children who came from, , families that weren't making a lot of money during the pandemic, there were these youth clubs. So I was making money at the time, eventually some lady asked, would you mind making 60, It's a lasagna, but I was 60 pieces of lasagna I was doing a week and feeding these kids.

So that I remember feeling at the time being really, really rewarding, but I also knew how hard it was. Someone said to me, why don't you start like a meal delivery business? , are you crazy? Like it is so hard and I don't have a car. So no, [00:28:00] I'm not doing meal deliveries. Oh, but you're so good at cooking.

Everyone's gonna love your food. I just knew. Just from doing those 60 pieces of lasagna a week. I was like, there is no way in hell I'm gonna start a meal delivery business. It's not worth it. I was like, I already knew it was gonna, it was gonna be too stressful. So I was like, that's out, that's out the window.

Then there's something in my head, this person going, did you know you're a really good teacher, kind of popped into my head. So what I did, came up with this format of , teaching Italian food online.

Paula: Mm hmm. Mm

Paola: I came from a place of , do you want to get your friends and family together and have a cooking experience?

, when you cook along and cook the same thing and then what I do is that after the session I'll come out of the Zoom But you guys can stay online together in the same room and enjoy your meals together , you know the whole Italian experience and I asked three groups I asked three people that I knew that were influencers at the time and said could you come?

can you find like five other people to do this session with and I would just love some feedback on What do you think [00:29:00] about it? Was it fun? You know, all that sort of stuff, you know, when you put something out. And all three, I did all three for free. I didn't charge anything. I was like, it's not worth it because I don't know how it's going to turn out or whether they're going to like the food or the concept.

And they all came back and they were like, that was amazing. And I wasn't even playing music. And then one of the girls goes, Do you know you can play music through Zoom? I was like, This makes it even better. So let's call it a party. So I started selling the Italian cooking experience parties. And I'm not joking, , I was so busy.

It was, it was insane. It was the most amount of money I've ever seen in my life.

Paula: Wow. Good for you. And then did you find like, we found that it was really busy and it died off like sudden death.

Paola: Yeah, that was, that was, that was the most, that was mentally challenging because I think I had come up with this idea and I was like, wow, I'm going to [00:30:00] be rich and I'm going to charge this much and I'm going to get,

Paula: Right.

Paola: like, I'm going to be able to like all these things because I had the most successful financial year of my self employed life.

And I was like, this is going to be an amazing concept. Everyone's going to want to do it, even when we're not in lockdown. And like you said, I just saw the sales just, it was like six months. And I was like, Oh, okay. That's not going to work. As we all do when, when, when good things happen, if it was amazing, but when the worst comes a bit, I think from my own experiences over the years, you know, understanding that I wasn't a happy person or had been dealing with.

Mental health issues. And I started to recognize things. I started to recognize, um, things that you could do to kind of help your mindset. Like how you can kind of change the way you're thinking. At this point, that's what I was doing. I was like, okay, but that hasn't worked out. No one wants a cooking party anymore because everyone's going to start [00:31:00] seeing each other.

It doesn't make any sense. I started thinking about some of the feedback I was getting and the feedback that resonated more wasn't with the people that already love to cook and were amazing cooks, the things that were resonating with me were the people that were going, Oh my God, I can't believe I've just made that.

That tastes amazing. I don't think I've ever made anything that delicious before in my life. Oh my God, I feel so good. Oh my God, I feel so happy. And it was that, I was like, you are me. Like, years ago, and what I started to notice, a pattern, that these were women that maybe weren't feeling confident with themselves, that, you know, were suffering with stress and burnout.

And maybe like suffering with some mental health issues for whatever reason. And so slowly, slowly, I started to focus more , I didn't want to talk about the self love, self care thing straight away. I felt a bit uncomfortable talking about it. Cause maybe I was still going through my journey at that point.

Like. Being self employed and [00:32:00] all that sort of stuff. And then trying to feel confident in my own self employed experience and journey. So I felt like I was still working on my self love and self care at that point. Started off like teaching people how to be more confident in the kitchen, but then the same message was coming about.

People telling me, learning how to cook these things has really boosted my confidence. It's really made me feel happier, more joyful. And so I started connecting it and then in the last month. I would say in the last two to three years, I've then changed my messaging again, talking about, creating a positive cooking mindset.

In the last two years, I've definitely moved into that self care, self love because I'm like, let's just talk, let's just say what it actually is. And I'm no longer ashamed to tell my story anymore because I think it's only made me who I am today and it's made me more powerful.

And now I have this gift given to me to help other women also discover themselves and love themselves. I'm not saying that they're all going to now go and become like self care cookery teachers, but I'm [00:33:00] hoping that they Learn to prioritize themselves and love themselves and put themselves first before the rest of the world, which is what I used to do and it's what I sometimes see some of the women that I've worked with do.

I used to do and now they don't, and I'm just so proud of every single one of them because they had chosen to put themselves first.

Paula: If I came to you and I was like, I want to, I want to learn how to love myself through cooking. What does that look like? Walk me through, what that would look like, start to finish

Paola: okay, so I have like three pillars that I follow. So these are the three key pillars that I, I focus on. One is, Creating a confident cooking mindset because I actually believe that people's perceptions of cooking is one of the most, one of the biggest deterrents in embracing healthier cooking because they instantly think of it as a chore, they're uninterested, they lack a passion for it.

But when you really scratch the surface at some company comes down to a lack of skills, a lack of knowledge, a lack of [00:34:00] confidence. So I work on your cooking mindset, which is not only just teaching you how to cook, not only learning techniques, because I feel like if you have, if you learn techniques, like say five, six techniques, you don't have to worry about learning 100 recipes, like the techniques are everything you need.

And they feel empowering and you find confidence. I feel like when you're empowered and feel more confident, that helps to draw out more self love because you want to keep on growing and you want to keep on improving yourself. that's one main element in there. And we also talk about a bit of meal prep, whatever, but for me it's like the cooking confidence is like, building up your confidence in the kitchen is the first step. Actually, one thing I've got to mention, it's not just the cooking technique, but I also teach you how to, approach the kitchen with a mindfulness.

So I talk about how to create a kitchen that you actually want to cook in. And that could just be making a few little, like a few little things, even just like making sure your work tops are clear when you come home from work and you don't have crap all over [00:35:00] the table.

Because if you've got a messy kitchen. The last thing you want to do is cooking so that's something like, so we create a really nice kitchen environment and practice some mindfulness through cooking, which is all about using your senses, but it helps you disengage from work and become present.

When you become present, that voice in your head that tries to be Self, like that negative self talk or that stress quickly disappears because you're just focusing on what you're cooking, what it smells like, what it looks like, what it tastes like. So it's like a form of meditation. So that's one part of what I do.

A second part of what I do is look at the Mediterranean diet. And as we know, Mediterranean diet is one of the diets that's had the most research put behind it. And there's so much, there's so many benefits from it. But when I talk about diet, the Mediterranean diet isn't a diet for me.

It's a lifestyle. And it's all about using fresh ingredients, um, reducing your amount of ultra processed food, but nothing gets restricted. And that's how I feel like you also love [00:36:00] yourself. As soon as you start to demonize a food, you create a poor relationship with food. And then when you start a poor relationship with food, then you start not giving yourself joy.

Because you're not eating the things that make you happy. But obviously when you have a healthier relationship with food, you know when to eat it and when not to eat it. But as soon as you're told to restrict something. For me, it's about bringing joy. When you're doing, when you're eating something that brings you joy, it makes you happy.

That's a form of self love, but also knowing how to balance that and knowing what you need in your body. So giving people the knowledge of the importance of Mediterranean diet, how you can cook it at home, what habits you can create to support that is another form of self love. , it's just about taking care of yourself.

 How am I taking care of myself in situation? So that's my second pillar, Mediterranean diet. The third pillar is the Dolce Vita lifestyle. So do you know what Dolce Vita is Paula?

Paula: The Sweet Life?

Paola: The sweet life. Yeah. Some people say to me, what's Dolce Vita? I've never heard it before.

And I was

Paula: But no, but [00:37:00] explain it for our listeners because not everybody might get it. 

Paola: For me, it is a sweet life. It's a sweet life. I would say it's Very much, pretty much known in Italy, but I know that other countries, the Mediterranean , areas also kind of practice what it is. It's about approaching life with joy, doing things that make you happy. that therefore help you create a healthier work life balance because life isn't just about work.

We didn't come here to just make bucks for someone else or make money or just make money to pay the bills. We are put on this earth to have an experience, to enjoy life. , the approach to Dolce Vita is about bringing joy in your life, creating this healthy work life balance. And the way I believe in doing that is by prioritizing self care.

This is where the self care really kind of comes into it. I believe if you prioritize self care, then in that way, that's a form of self love. When you do that, when you're doing things that make you feel good, you're essentially bringing joy and happiness into your life. When you bring joy and happiness [00:38:00] in your life, you're mentally and emotionally better prepared to deal with the everyday life that you are dealing with.

 Then life doesn't feel so hectic, life doesn't feel so stressful, well life doesn't feel so overwhelming because you are taking care of yourself first. And so that is my perception of what Dolce Vita is. I basically, within this pillar, I help people to prioritize their self care through mindful cooking and through mindful eating, which are one of the most, one of the most common topics within that Dolce Vita lifestyle.

They're very much about prioritizing the ingredients they buy, how they buy, how they cook, who they eat with. What are the rituals? So I help people incorporate that so that it's not just about learning how to cook better or, improving what you're only eating. There's a reason why you're doing that.

And that is to create a happier work life balance so that you can feel happy and essentially love yourself through self care cooking and [00:39:00] mindful eating.

Paula: What comes to mind for me is I really don't have a problem at this stage of my life in seeking the good life and the good things in life and enjoying them. But Paola, where I could use some help is a little bit of self regulation. So how does that come into play when you're teaching, 

To eat , what makes you happy. 

Paola: I'm not a nutritionist. But I have, I have read a lot about the impact of food on your well being. And, um, sometimes those cravings that we can get, that we, that we get sometimes we want to eat is because something's not regulated in our bodies.

When you're eating, you're feeding your body and you're feeding your mind. So sometimes when you, , maybe you want to binge on something or you crave something, you eat more. What you're not doing is not listening to your body. 

You're kind of satisfying a mental need rather than, or an emotional need should I say, rather than your body's need. And so for [00:40:00] me, I think it's about learning to cook in a way where you're getting satisfaction from another type of food rather than the other food that you need, like you say, like self regulating.

Because maybe, are you talking about food that maybe isn't the healthiest, so you just want to keep eating more of that? Is that what you're kind of saying Paula?

Paula: My thing would be that I would probably Because it tastes so good, keep eating that bowl of pasta past the point of being not hungry.

Paola: Okay, well listen, I think now and again, my point of view is

if you're really enjoying it, go for it. But then when you wake up the next day, Think about how you feel

Paula: Right.

Paola: that's how I do it. If I've got, if I've got an amazing bowl of pasta and I'm really enjoying it, like I do listen to my body. I have got to the point where , I'm actually getting quite full now.

I know that if I stop now in 10 minutes I'm full. I train myself to do that. Not because, not, that's, that's what I've done. It's just telling myself, but if I do come to a situation like when [00:41:00] I go to some of my friend's family homes and they've cooked something delicious and I'm like, Oh my God, I really want a second bowl.

I'm never going to probably have this. Okay. I'm going to have it with no guilt and no shame. But then I know that for me to feel better about myself the next day, I try and do things to make myself, not, I'm not trying to make myself feel better, but I'm like, okay, well maybe I ate too much pasta.

So, you know, today I'm going to make sure that I I walk half an hour longer, if that's what I need to help with my digestion, or maybe what I'm going to make for lunch today. I'm going to make, I'm not going to have any pasta for lunch today. I'm going to focus on legumes and vegetables instead, or buy a nice piece of fish.

I do not get emotional about it. I'm just like thinking about what do I need to be healthy? Because I'm thinking for me, it's like I want to be happier, but I also want to be healthier and healthier is actually what makes me happier. If I'm healthy and what I'm doing, then I will be happier.

The health, [00:42:00] the health part comes first. And then the happy comes off the back of being healthy. And I think that's what people don't realize. I think being healthy means if you're eating healthy, you're going to lose pounds, right? You're going to lose weight. That's not my first protocol.

When I'm being healthy, I'm thinking, how do I want to feel tomorrow?

That's how I look at it. And then if I lose a few pounds, great, it's a bonus. But I want to feel good in my physical body and in my mental mind. I want to feel emotionally stable. So I will feed myself the food to make me feel good.

But also my food, even though it's healthy, it's not healthy. Delicious. I do not deprive myself of deliciousness because deliciousness is what gives you joy and when you have joy, you want, it's like a drug, you want more joy and more joy. If I give myself more joy and more joy through what I'm cooking, I'm going to cook more and cook more and cook more.

That's what I teach people. Like I get them motivated to cook healthy food by making sure it's super delicious and teach them how to season, how to combine flavors together, how to keep it simple, [00:43:00] how to keep it quick. But be delicious at the same time.

Paula: I think you said something so key there, that resonated with me is it's all a lot about being mindful. But what you said was, You're not eating to lose weight but you're thinking about you're eating to feel healthy.

So how do I feel after this? How do I feel the next day? You're taking the emotion out of it. And I think that is it really interesting because I think so often, many people, myself included, are We eat because we're having a rip roaring good time or something or we're feeling sad and, and to disconnect emotion from food and just to enjoy the food for how it makes you feel is, really important.

Our listeners can't see us, but Paola's, a little bit younger than I am, I'd say, a couple of decades, maybe, I bet I, I know a lot of people are listening to this and I know what they're saying is, is, well, you know, my teenage kids, they need me, this, I don't have time to, to feed myself properly.

And somebody gave me a [00:44:00] piece of advice once, which I thought was so good. As I was managing, um, life with teenagers and idea of your kids are, and again, these aren't little kids, this is teenagers, but they're on their own rollercoaster ride and respect the fact that this is their journey.

This is their ride. That's their rollercoaster ride. And it's going to have ups and downs and we need to keep ourselves on the platform and we need to be mentally and physically healthy and happy so that we're there and ready Because they're going to fall off the roller coaster, and we have to be whole in ourselves so that we can support them.

And then they go back on, and that's our role. And I

Paola: That's what I think lots of people don't realise. Whether you have children, small children, teenage children, or you're looking after a parent or whatever. Or if you're looking after someone. great, it's beautiful and honourable that you want to give them all your energy and just focus on them.

But if you are not, then Focusing on yourself and you want to do your [00:45:00] you are and I hate to say I don't want to sound harsh You're doing them a disservice because the only way you're going to read be able like you say take care of them support them Be that emotional support when they're going up and down on this on this.

This roller coaster we call life is by being your healthiest, both physically and mentally. And that's that's where the need should come from. Like it should be coming from that. You want to be the best person for those that are around you. And by doing that is by being healthy.

And one of the, one of the four pillars of health is nutrition and food. I think with the, we live in such a busy world that unfortunately cooking, especially in the Western world is being demonized. There were so many companies now that offer like solutions. To eat or to cook dinner or all this processed food.

And it's like, it's not even real food, but it's made this this rollercoaster life feel like it's the, it's the norm because we have all these other solutions, but really the best thing we can do for ourselves is take control of what we eat. We achieve what we're putting into our body [00:46:00] and cook it ourselves, not just from a nutritional point of view, but from a stress regulation point of view and a disconnect for work and focus on yourself.

And like I said, it's not about. losing weight. It's about making sure that you feel the healthiest you can be both physically and mentally. And there's actually two questions I would love to share with your listeners. If anyone's listening to this and they want to think about how do I, like, what's the first step?

There were two questions I asked myself regularly and these have become habits. So when I go in to cook myself something, I ask myself, why am I making this? What's the reason that I'm making it? So have, give your, give it some intention. , why are you making this food? Why are you making this specific dish?

What's your reason behind it? Is it because you want to be healthier or whatever? Or is it because it's the quickest thing and you've got to jump on a call in five minutes and it's the easiest thing to eat? So ask yourself, why are you eating or cooking this food or dish? Second question wanna ask yourself is like, how do I actually wanna feel after I [00:47:00] eaten?

 How do I, well, how do I want

Paula: mm hmm,

Paola: And if those two things don't, if you like, I wanna feel great and energetic, but you are eating at McDonald's, not gonna happen. So,

so these are just two questions that I feel like are really key to help you start thinking about your current eating habits.

And how you want to actually feel because we are now got so much evidence and research out there that support the fact that what we eat isn't just a weight loss or weight gain solution. It is imperative for our wellbeing and our health and our mental health and our physical health. And I knew that was the case when I started cooking, when I could see the differences in me, I was like, Oh my God, eating better just helps you.

I remember thinking, Talk to your mental health. And I remember looking into it like a few years later and there still hasn't, hadn't been a lot of research. So I knew intuitively that was the case. I knew that eating better was better for my mental health and physical health, but no, there was [00:48:00] none of this big research out there.

And I'm not a scientist or, you know, a doctor, so I was never going to look into it. So to now hear it now that people talk about it more, it makes me feel like, My body was telling me, my intuition was telling me, that this is what I need to do for myself because it was making me feel good.

Paula: hmm. That's amazing. Thank you so much for sharing so much of what you're doing. And you've basically, you've given a lot, been very generous with the information

Paola: love giving it, I love just giving stuff, I just love telling people how to make themselves happier because I just feel like it's such a shame to , live this life. I mean, I'm only here for a very, very, very short amount of time. I just want people to live their best life. For

Paula: when you look back on growing up in your summers in Puglia, would you say the Italian lifestyle was happening naturally. 

Paola: Me, or just in general around me.

Paula: in general around you?

Paola: Oh yeah,

part of it's culture. Yeah, it's part of it's culture, it's part of it's well being. [00:49:00] Even now, even with like now things like social, there wasn't social media back in the day, like now with social media and like people also work here, like people, have long jobs and big jobs to do. I think where I live specifically in Italy, it still holds a lot of tradition, so it's still very much. That culture is still very much alive, and it may not necessarily be the case in the north of Italy. I can't really speak to that. I have traveled round there, and food still seems to be like a huge, huge part of their life.

 Culturally it's here. , even now, like on the weekends, like, all my friends go to work, but they all have time to eat, they all have time to go home and eat their lunch. They all have time to disconnect from work at the end of the day, and go and have an aperitivo, whatever. And then on the weekends, it's all about family or communal food.

 That's it. So that's part of the reason why I've moved out here, because I was like, I want more of that, because Britain doesn't really have that. As I've got older, my Needs and desires have completely changed and I love the community [00:50:00] feel in Italy. I love their approach. I am so lucky. I walk out the door and I've got Foonberg, Butcher and Fishmonger within a hundred meters of the, from my door.

And I live in a city. I tell you what, there are three things in Italy that I've noticed are like of abundance. One of them are pharmacies. They're everywhere. One in every corner. Yeah. Bars, coffee bars. There's a coffee bar every two doors down.

Everyone, everyone's got their local bar. I still haven't got my local bar yet. A local bar where everyone goes and has coffee. Third is supermarkets. They are the three things in abundance. So what does that tell you? Everyone needs to be feeding all the time. So in Lecce, where I live, there's a butcher that way, but there's another butcher there and another butcher there.

 No one's monopolizing anything. Even under supermarkets, there's still independent food shops everywhere. So everyone, you still want to offer good food. Secondly, people want a place where people still gather together and be [00:51:00] communal and meet their friends for coffee now and again.

So, social interaction is super important. And then thirdly, like, no one wants to get ill.

Paula: How I could talk for hours. I actually have so many questions to you on this.

One is, I follow you on Instagram. So, um, everybody will put this in the show notes as well. The, at the tiny Italian.

It always amazes me how you're just so, generous with sharing who you are to everybody. You're your vulnerability is out there.

Have you always been like that or is that something that's been part of this journey?

Paola: Yeah. I was never like that.

Paula: Oh, interesting.

Paola: No, I was not For sure. I was, I've always been outspoken about my opinion, I think because of just like my life and things. I think I've had to really embrace my alpha side. Does that make sense? 

Paula: Mm

Paola: [00:52:00] I would say myself, I probably had to develop being quite an alpha female.

I'm quite protective of myself just because it's been quite hard. We've all had hardships and I think the way I've dealt with it is, I've had to protect myself. And so I've always, Alpha, quite outspoken. But what that then did develop was that I wouldn't allow to show any vulnerability. so while protecting myself and being able to look after myself is a great thing, I think what it did was shut down a lot of that emotion.

 My emotion would come out, but I would never, ever fully be able to express what I was really feeling. I. I don't know. I because of the way I was brought up. It's like no one's fault, like you can't, you know, like certain things. But I think because of also what happened to me, like all my trauma is never wanted anyone to ever really know what I went through.

Only till recently I've actually shared some of the things that have happened. Now I think, I don't know what it is. I find it really comfortable to talk to a camera and [00:53:00] I realized that, again, like I said before, the truest form of, the truest form of validation is the validation you give yourself.

And if I can be myself and tell my story and my feelings, The reason why I'm doing that is because I also want to help other people be happier and healthier and enjoy life. But I know for some reason I feel like, I don't know why, but I just feel like by me being vulnerable I'm helping other people do that.

But I'm also being kind to myself by doing that and I've just been learning to just it's okay, you don't have to be this super alpha female all the time. I've always felt like in the past that everyone used to always come to a point to always solve their problem. And actually I've had to work really hard to actually turn to other people to help me.

And I think it's all part of this being, it's all part of this self love journey of just like being, [00:54:00] loving yourself is also asking for help. Loving yourself is also being vulnerable. Loving yourself is also feeling your emotions, because before I just didn't do any of that. Reason why I do it, I think it's just because it's like, again, like it's part of my journey.

But also now I've seen the effect. that it's had on people when I am being vulnerable and I've helped people recognize things in their own life and help them recognize changes that they want to make. And that to me is like, if that's what I'm here to do, then that's what I'm, that's what I'm here to do.

I was,

Paula: It's a real gift that you give to people, by putting yourself out there like that. I'm sure, , it's been very well received as well. Paola, we're going to wrap this up and then we're going to do another podcast interview, um, because we have so much more to chat about, like Puglia and how the Londoner.

In the high fashion district, ended up in this beautiful kitchen that I can see with bright yellow cabinets, living her best life in Puglia. So that's like a whole [00:55:00] other eat, love, pray story that we're going to dive into.

Paola: is like, that girl is not Italian. That accent is not Italian. That is a proper London accent. Remember before Instagram didn't have video? So I used to be just like, not even before I put pictures of myself, all my food would go up, and then you'd get invited to events, and people would be like, excuse me, are you the tiny Italian?

And I'd be like, oh, hi, how are you doing? Are you not Italian? I was like, no, who said I was? Italian, Italian. They're like, yeah, well, I'm half. And it's like, you can see people going, what? That totally threw me. Because also, I look very Italian, and I like to think I dress quite Italian as well.

The whole exterior is Italian. And then, This London accent, just like, and it's really quiet there. I know what, I know how I sound. I'm not like Queen's English or anything like that, or King's English, I should say now. I'm very much like Londoner and I've got bad [00:56:00] slang and I swear sometimes.

So yeah.

Paula: It's very refreshing. Before we go, there's two things I want to get from you. One is, the recipe you're sharing with us in this episode. Tell us a little bit about that dish and why you picked it.

Paola: So I was going to just share how to make a really easy fish bake. It's fish, potatoes with tomatoes, capers and olives. I love a tray bake. And it's because it's all about just throwing everything into one thing, doing a bit of prep and just let the oven do its magic.

But that is not to say you need to prep those ingredients like Your life depends on it and prep with so much love. So what I love about this dish is that it encompasses , all the flavors in Greek Mediterranean. It goes into one sheet or into one tray bake and it doesn't involve any stress, but then you end up with the most delicious meal and it's full of goodness.

And it makes you happy, and you only have to wash [00:57:00] up one sheet, um, or a baking tray, 

Paula: That'll be a link in the show notes and it's a link directly to Paola's blog website. So do go and explore on there as well because it's super fun and find the picture of your father's deli, Italian

Paola: Yes, go have a look, go look at Salvatore. If there couldn't be a more Italian name, Salvatore.

He misses that deli a lot. I think he sometimes regrets it because I feel like that was his purpose in life.

And he's really, I think he has struggled a little bit when you feed a community and you speak people for every day of your life. And then he retired and I was like, what do I do? It was like, before COVID, I was thinking of opening up my own Italian deli with a cooking school around the back.

And he was helping me. look into it and then COVID happened and then my direction took into another place. But it's interesting, isn't it? I was going full circle. I was going full circle. I'm gonna open a deli. Even when my dad offered me the deli when he was closing it down, he was like, do you [00:58:00] want it?

I was like, no, dad, I work in fashion. Why would I want it?

Paula: If your journey didn't take the turns it took, you wouldn't have the wisdom to share that you have now. So

Paola: I wouldn't. No, I wouldn't.

Paula: You're so much fun to follow on social media. So can you let everyone know how they can follow you on Instagram and then your website and that important info?

Paola: You can follow me on Instagram. I am at Um, and you will find lots of value in terms of like recipes, a lot of self love chat, a lot of insight into my Italian lifestyle, the Dolce Vita, but I don't just show that to show you what I'm up to, but I'm also showing you ways of how you can take some of that inspiration and incorporate that into your everyday life, no matter where you live, because you don't have to live in Southern Europe.

To live that life, we should start incorporating some of those lifestyles in some of these Western worlds and learn to slow down because slowing down is the only way we're going to [00:59:00] be able to really feel and be our best selves. And then I've got a website, again, it's all the tiny Italian and on there you will find all my services.

So I have a membership one to one program. You can also download a free guide. For my 12 essential Italian self care ingredients. . And we can actually put that in the show notes if you want, Paula said people can just get a direct link for that. 

My Instagram is where all the love really goes into and it's where I am every day and you can always see what I'm up to and what I'm eating.

Paula: Thank you so much, Paola. I can't wait for our next 

Paola: Thank you so much for having me. I've absolutely loved it 

 wow. After a chat like that with Paola. It makes me really want to reach out to a good friend of mine, Selena, and just debrief it with her so much interesting stuff there. And as I said, just reiterate what I've always felt and known about. Cooking. And part of why I launched in my kitchen was, you know, connecting people around the world. I hope you enjoyed this episode as much as I did. 

 Always interested to [01:00:00] hearing what you think about our episodes and feel free to message me. Either at Paula at, In My Kitchen dot CA. Or on Instagram, you can send me a message. At, In My Kitchen, Paula. Talk to you next week. 

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Paula Mohammed

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