In My Kitchen with Paula

Flavourful Bonds Part 2: Exploring Cultural Truths Through Cuisine

• Paula Mohammed

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How do honesty, integrity, and fairness shape our culinary adventures and deepen our connections across cultures? 

Join me in episode two of 'Flavourful Bonds' as I explore these character strengths through stories and culinary experiences from around the world. Learn how honesty varies in different cultures, the importance of culinary integrity in places like Italy and Pakistan, and how fairness is shown in community-based tourism and traditional meals. This episode invites You to reflect on your values and the impact of your presence, transforming you from mere tourists to guests who honor the tables you are invited to.

You will hear reflections on:
🌎Exploring Honesty in Different Cultures
🥘Integrity: Living Our Values Through Food
🫶🏼Fairness: Sharing Space and Respecting Differences
📝Reflecting on Our Travels and Values

HELPFUL LINKS

📝 Nosheen's Nihari (Pakistani Beef Shank Stew)
💪🏼 VIA Character Strengths Survey
🧳 Download my free Travel Planning Tool



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SAY HELLO

In My Kitchen creates connections one dish at a time, by exploring culture through food. I do this through unique culinary workshops, speaking engagements, and of course, this podcast.

I'd love to hear from you! Connect with me in one of three ways:

Hi, I'm Paula Mohammed and welcome to In My Kitchen with Paula. This podcast is a gathering place for culinary adventures who love to travel. Every week, we'll come together with chefs, cookbook authors, talented home cooks, and everyone in between to talk about their story and their unique dish using food as the vehicle will take a ride into the ins and outs of their culture and country. Come on, let's get this party started. Welcome back In My Kitchen with Paula. This is episode two of our special series Flavourful Bonds. Inspired by the VIA character strengths, which are tools we all carry within us that help deepen our relationships. I'm all about exploring culture through food, as you know, and using our signature character strengths to deepen. Also the connection to the people and places we visit in our travels. Today we're focusing on honesty, integrity, and fairness. These three strengths are the ethical backbone to connection, and quite frankly, I find these three are not always the easiest to practice, especially when navigating new cultures or unfamiliar kitchens. But when we travel literally and emotionally. These strengths help us build trust and respect with the people we meet. Let's explore how honesty, integrity, and fairness show up around the world and how they can deepen the way we show up, especially as guests, travelers, or hosts. In unfamiliar spaces, you're going to notice that in addition to some other countries, I've explored these character strengths in action in Pakistan. I did this because I'm also on a bit of my own exploration to learn more about my heritage, and I thought this would be the perfect platform to do it. Okay, the first one, honesty speaking truth. With care. When we travel, we quickly realize that honesty is culturally shaped. I learned a lot about this from the book Culture Map by Erin Meyers and I go into more detail about a communication across cultures in episode 19. for me personally, uh, I lean heavily into the direction of direct communication versus indirect communication, and I think this may be in part to my longtime career in the event industry where it did not serve me well to not be direct, but I find that I definitely need to balance out my directness or honesty. I need to soften it up a little bit. Let's take a look and see how honesty is culturally shaped around the world in Germany or the Netherlands. It may not surprise you. People often value direct communication. Saying something like this needs more salt isn't considered rude, it's efficient and clear. But in places like Japan or Thailand where social harmony is prized, truth is wrapped in subtlety. You might hear. It's interesting or see a gentle nod instead of a direct, no, this isn't deception. It's a culturally respectful way to preserve connection. In Pakistan, honesty is often expressed through hospitality and protection of feelings. It's a relational kind of truth, and what I mean by relational truth or practice is. These are ways of speaking, acting, or showing up that prioritize the health of the relationship. Sometimes more than saying exactly what we think or feel in the moment. In cultures where community, hospitality, or social harmony are deeply valued, like in Pakistan, Japan, or many parts of Africa and the Middle East, people often communicate in ways that preserve connection, even if that means softening the truth. I can now truly understand why my dad who did business mostly with the Japanese, had such meaningful and effective relationships. They would be able to communicate in similar styles. My dad was from Pakistan. For me, I really struggle with this softening of the truth. Honesty, I realized is one of my signature character strengths, and I don't like any grayness around honesty, even if it can be painful. So I'm practicing balancing out honesty with some kindness. Okay, let's go back to Pakistan for a sec. In many Pakistani households, particularly when guests are present, it's common to say, no, no, no. Please don't bring anything, or we've already eaten. Even if that's not entirely true, these aren't lies, uh, in the Western sense, but culturally accepted ways of being gracious and putting the other person first as a traveler or visiting a Pakistani household. Understanding this helps us see. That truth is relational, not just factual. If you're invited into a Pakistani home and told not to bring anything, it's still a gesture of respect to bring fruit, sweets, or even flowers. The honesty is in the intention to honor the relationship, not necessarily in literal words. My dad did this all the time, so when he would come and I had moved out and he would come over for dinner, we lived in the same neighborhood, so it was quite often he always brought fruit and usually it was something like mangoes or Asian pears or strawberries, something that is a bit of a treat. doing this research really helped me understand where, where this came from, uh, for my dad, and understanding this as travelers. This idea of intention to honour the relationship is essential when we expect people to. Just be honest in our terms. We miss the nuances of relational care. Being honest as a guest might mean asking questions with humility and accepting that not all, all answers will come directly. Food interestingly, often acts as a bridge, sharing a meal prepared with care, open space for truth, Especially when we show up with curiosity, not criticism. so whether you're at a street stall Vietnam or sipping mint tea and Marrakesh, honesty starts with presence and listening for the truths spoken between the lines. Next up, integrity. Living our values when we travel. Integrity means acting in alignment with our values, even when we're outside of our comfort zone, when we travel, especially in places where customs are different than ours, this really gets tested. Let's take Italy for example, where culinary integrity is sacred. if it's not tomato season, you simply don't make pomodoro. There is respect for tradition, seasonality, and patience. Massimo Montinari, a leading Italian food historian, has written extensively about the role of food and Italian identity. In let the meatballs rest and Italian identity in the kitchen. He explores how traditional dishes are closely tied to regions, families and histories, and that altering them is often seen as compromising their integrity. There's also a quote from La Cucina Italiana, which is an Italian gastronomy magazine. Here it goes For an Italian Nona, the recipe is sacred. It's not just food, it is memory. Family and place. Now, after hearing those two examples or two, um, the quote and the, uh, info from Massima Montinari, picture, a traveler showing up to a cooking class in Tuscany demanding a Caprese salad in January. The culinary instructor may oblige politely, but something subtle is lost. Integrity here is about honoring the land, the season, and the story behind the food. In Vietnam Street, food vendors often serve generations. Old recipes perfected over decades. Travelers who show up with curiosity and willingness to try what's offered without asking to change it are honouring that culinary integrity. Integrity. And Pakistan often shows up through the preservation of family recipes, regional cooking styles, and religious food practices. For example, generations of cooks in Pakistan have perfected Nihari, a slow cooked beef stew made only with specific cuts of meat and spices. And this dish dates back to the 17th or 18th century. Some recipes are guarded with deep pride passed down with precision. The word Nihari comes from the Arabic word nihar, which means morning. The name is apt as the shank stew was served to the Nawabs during the early morning prayer. this Pakistani beef shank stew recipe continues to be a popular choice for breakfast and brunch. Today, a popular street food Nihari is a special weekend breakfast treat serving the dish outside the morning hours. Traditionally when it's eaten, might be seen as compromising its integrity. And I'm going to share a recipe link for this dish in the show notes it's from a past guest of the show, Nosheen Babar, who has this awesome blog, untold Recipes by Nosheen, where she shares authentic Pakistani and South Asian recipes. Uh, during Ramadan families prepare Iftar meals with great care. Iftar is the meal that Muslims eat at sunset to break their fast during the month of Ramadan. It is a significant part of Ramadan marking the end of the daily fast and often shared as a communal gathering. The intention isn't just to eat, but to uphold spiritual values through generosity and humility. For travelers joining an Iftar in Pakistan isn't just a culinary experience, it's a lesson in living values through food. Finally, let's take a quick look at New Zealand where Maori cultural experiences are increasingly offered to visitors. Now, being in integrity, there might mean learning the Karakia before a meal. A Karakia is a prayer or incantation, or it might look like taking the time to understand why the hangi, a traditional earth oven feast is cooked the way it is. Travel invites us to ask, are we just consuming experiences or are we engaging with them respectfully? Do our actions reflect care for the people and places we visit? When I asked Alfredo in episode 21 about the negative impact of tourism in the Alentejo region of Portugal, he took a pause and then said something that's stuck with me ever since. Tourists come through and take experiences. Travelers are interested in learning from us and we are interested in learning from them now. Third, fairness. How we share space and respect differences. Fairness isn't always about equality. Sometimes it's about equity. Especially in travel, consider community-based tourism in, uh, rural Peru or Kenya. These experiences often invite travelers into the homes and kitchens of local families. Fairness in this context means not just paying a fee, but understanding the economic and cultural exchange. Taking place, making sure our presence benefits the host, not just our own itinerary. Fairness in Pakistan is often tied to honor and inclusion at large. Gatherings like weddings or Eid celebrations, hosts ensure that every guest is served often before they themselves eat serving elders first, ensuring women and children are comfortable, and even sending plates of food to neighbors who couldn't attend. These are acts of fairness grounded in cultural and religious principles. As as, as a traveler, this might look like being offered the best piece of meat or being encouraged to eat first as the guest. Fairness here isn't about equal portions. It's about making sure guests feel valued and included, and it reminds us that sometimes fairness is about lifting others up, not leveling the playing field. In Moroccan homes, meals like couscous or tagine are often shared from a single platter. The unspoken rule, eat only from your quadrant. It's a quiet, communal expression of fairness. Another example around the globe in India, fairness might show up in, uh, Sikh Langar. The free community meal offered at gurdwaras open to all, regardless of class, caste or religion. When you sit on the floor and, and are served by volunteers, you're not just eating, you are participating in an act of radical equality. As travelers, we carry choices. Do we cut in line at a food stall because we're in a rush? Do we tip fairly? Do we speak up for someone being overlooked? do we make room at the table, literally or figuratively? Fairness, when we travel isn't about perfection, it's about awareness. It's about remembering that hospitality is a gift and one we are often very lucky to receive. So what happens when these strengths are absent? Sometimes in our travels or relationships, we avoid truth to keep the peace, or we stay silent to avoid offending, or we are uncomfortable with conflict, or we forget that our presence impacts others when we abandon honesty, integrity, or fairness, especially as guests. Trust can erode. Locals may feel unseen or unheard. We might leave with photos, but without meaningful connection. But when we bring these strengths into the room, when we ask questions, with care, respect, customs, and show up with openness, we become more than tourists. We become guests who honour the table. We've been invited to. Let's close with a reflective practice you can try before your next journey or even your next dinner party. I call it traveling with integrity. Before you go somewhere new across the world or across the street, ask yourself, what values do I want to carry with me? How will I honor the people hosting me? Whether they're chefs, teachers, or drivers. Where might I need to listen more than speak, and how can I practice fairness in how I spend or take up space? You don't need all the answers, but just asking the questions and being mindful of this is a powerful start. Next week, we explore the strengths that help us heal and rebuild after misunderstandings, forgiveness, perspective, and hope from sharing a meal after conflict to rituals of reconciliation around the globe. We'll look at how food can mend even what's been broken. Thank you for joining In My Kitchen, and if you learned something new today or if it sparked something in you, please give us a rate and review on Apple Podcasts. I'm Paula Mohammed, and this is In My Kitchen with Paula. Until next week, happy cooking and happy travels.

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