In My Kitchen with Paula

Flavourful Bonds Part 4: What We Leave Behind

• Paula Mohammed • Episode 38

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What if you could supercharge your travel experiences, with just a little perspective?

In this episode I wrap up the four-part series 'Flavourful Bonds' by delving into the character strengths of humility, gratitude, and legacy within the culinary traditions of Pakistan, Mexico, and Croatia. I share personal anecdotes, cultural insights, and practical exercises to help travelers and food enthusiasts recognize and practice these strengths through food. 

You will learn about:

✈️ How these strength helps us to have a more immersive travel experience
🍲 Traditional dishes like Peka, Sarma and pasticada
💫 Paula’s personal story around what it means to be humble

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SAY HELLO

In My Kitchen creates connections one dish at a time, by exploring culture through food. I do this through unique culinary workshops, speaking engagements, and of course, this podcast.

I'd love to hear from you! Connect with me in one of three ways:

Paula Mohammed: Hi, I'm Paula Mohammed and welcome to In My Kitchen with Paula. This podcast is a gathering place for culinary adventurers who love to travel. Every week, we'll come together with chefs, cookbook authors, talented home cooks, and everyone in between to talk about their story and their unique dish. Using food as the vehicle, we'll take a ride into the ins and outs of their culture and country.

Come on, let's get this party started.

Welcome back to In My Kitchen with Paula, our final week of our four-part series Flavourful Bonds, where we've been exploring the deep connection between culture, character strengths and cuisine, and how that can create a more immersive experience in our travels. We peel back the layers and get a better understanding of the people and places that we visit by being mindful of these different character strengths and how they show up in cultures. Today, we finish up Flavourful Bonds with three character strengths that often go unnoticed yet quietly shape how we give, receive and remember. And those are humility, gratitude, and legacy. Now, legacy isn't actually a VIA Character Strength, but it encompasses quite well about three or four of them, and I feel legacy is a huge part of culture, cuisine, and travel.

Now, if you're wondering what I'm talking about when I mentioned Via Character Strengths, the last few episodes have been focusing on this. You can go to episodes 33 and 34 to learn about the Via Institute on Character Strengths and find out more about what those are, the science behind that, and how bringing in mindfulness and your signature character strengths can create more wellbeing in your life, and especially in your travels.

We're gonna take a look today at these three strengths: humility, gratitude, and legacy. And how these are expressed in kitchens, markets, and meals across three different cultures: Pakistan. Mexico and Croatia.

Now, just a reminder, Pakistan has been a common country in each of these four episodes because I'm also doing a bit of exploration into my heritage. Uh, my father was from Pakistan, and this has been fascinating and wonderful to explore that culture more through food and the character strengths.

We're gonna look at these strengths, how we can begin to practice and recognize them in our own travels and around our own tables. I'm excited about this episode as I'm going to share with you some hands-on exercises that you can use in your travels to have a more immersive experience with longer lasting positive effects. I mean, who doesn't want to make that traveling feeling last as long as possible, right?

Let's begin with humility. Humility as a VIA Character Strength is the ability to accurately assess your strengths and limitations without exaggeration or self-deprecation. It's not about putting yourself down or denying your achievements, but about keeping them in perspective and not seeking attention or praise.

Truly humble people have a clear sense of who they are, recognize their imperfections and are open to learning from others. They don't need to be the center of attention and are comfortable contributing quietly without needing to prove their worth. Humility in the Muslim culture is not only a personal trait, but a lived value. It appears in how people host, speak, eat, dress, and carry themselves with an emphasis on service, gratitude, and a constant remembrance that all blessings come from a higher source. When I was nine, my dad had my brother and I memorize and write out sentences using the word "humble". To this day, I remember how important it was to him that we understand what it means to be humble and to live it.

Researching for this episode was actually the first time where I learned about the roots of humility in Muslim culture. Humility is tawadu. Excuse me if I'm pronouncing that wrong. And tawadu is a core virtue in Islam. In many parts of South Asia, humility is deeply woven into the fabric of hospitality. In Pakistan, the concept of mehman nawazi, which is great hospitality, is both a cultural and spiritual practice.

Rooted in Islamic teachings and centuries of regional custom, welcoming a guest especially with food, is considered a moral responsibility and a source of honour even in modest households. Hosts will serve their best food to visitors, often eating only after their guests are satisfied. Meals such as dahl, roti and biryani are served generously, and the act of serving itself is viewed as an extension of one's values, not a performance.

When I first started In My Kitchen and people would sign up and go to the home of our hosts and learn to cook, and then everybody sat down and ate the meals together, um, I, I knew intuitively that hospitality presented very differently in different cultures. Very differently from North America. And that's why it was so important that these events took place in the host's home. Now, of course, this added layers of logistical issues. It limited extremely the different hosts that could be involved or who wanted to be involved, but I, I knew it was an important piece and it's been fascinating to me as I research these different, uh, parts or episodes for this series, how hospitality shows up in different cultures and why it does. And also kind of the science behind, so bringing in the character strengths piece, of why that is so good for us. This idea of service, humility, how that changes how we behave, who we are, and most importantly, how we feel.

Okay, let's go back and look at this in a cultural context in Pakistan. So in rural and urban Pakistan, you'll often find food being offered even to passerby, so strangers. So during Ramadan, when many communities host public iftar meals for strangers, you'll see this taking place. The expectation is not to showcase one's skill or to be on show or to be the best host possible, but to ensure that no one leaves hungry.

And this goes back to where so many of our In My Kitchen hosts that I've interviewed have often talked about, it is not about the presentation, it's about the presence. Now, I'm, I'm using my own words there, but it's not about a fancy table setting. It's not about the most perfect recipe being, uh, brought to fruition in dishes on the table. It's about providing, nurturing and being present.

So when you are traveling, or when you're going about your business or visiting people, friends and family for meals and dinner parties, observe who takes on the invisible roles during meal prep preparation. Those who are washing, fetching, and serving without being asked. And note whether a host deflects compliments or suddenly redirects praise to their elders or traditions.

Now I invite you to practice a, a humble, what I call the humble guest exercise. So during your travels or when you go for dinner next, or when you're at a restaurant, accept the food that's being offered to you without immediately photographing it or reviewing it or analyzing it. Take the time to respond with sincere appreciation and curiosity about the dish and its origins. Reflect afterwards. Did I allow space for someone else to shine? It's interesting because I've often thought I'm very humble and I think I am very humble, but I realize, although humility is one of my signature strengths, it's also, uh, got a lot of room to grow. Uh, I won't get into that today, but it's definitely made me more mindful.

We're now gonna move on to gratitude, and we're looking at gratitude through the lens of food in the culture in Mexico. So gratitude in the VIA Framework as more than a polite thank you. It's an orientation toward appreciating life's gifts, especially the often unseen work of others.

In Mexico, food preparation is intimately connected to gratitude for the land, the family, and the ancestors. Now we saw this as well, uh, in Japan. That came up in a previous episode, so you'll recognize that these aren't specific to one country. But I'm using these character strengths as a way to explore the cuisine and culture in these countries.

Uh, so let's go back to this. So it's, um, connected to gratitude for the land, the family, and the ancestors. Corn or maize is not just a staple, but a sacred symbol. If you're familiar, if you haven't heard about the Mesoamerican cosmovision is the collection of worldviews shared by the indigenous pre-Columbian societies of Mesoamerica. And it places corn at the center of life. Humans, according to Maya and Aztec mythology were created from corn dough. This reverence continues today. Traditional foods like tortillas, tamales, or mole, are made with care that reflects gratitude, both for the ingredients and the people who pass these traditions down 

In regions like Oaxaca and Chiapas, many households grind corn by hand on a stone metate, I'm probably pronouncing that incorrectly, my apologies. An act of physical labor filled with historical meaning.

Dishes are often offered first to elders, as we saw in Pakistan or as part of community celebrations, marking food as a gift, not a transaction. So sometimes you hear people talk about friendship as well, like this, " that person has transactional friendships", right? I don't know if you've ever heard of this. I, I have. And what it, what it references is people are friends because it's benefiting them in a certain way for a certain time. And as the other side of that friendship, you recognize that this friendship isn't going go much deeper and you, you kind of hold them at arm's length because, uh, you, you see this transactional piece to it.

Well, this is kind of how food can be too. So when you're traveling, recognize that in some of these countries or in most of them, when you're receiving food, especially if you're doing a culinary experience in somebody's home or you're, uh, well out at a restaurant, um, but the food is, is for them it's being offered as a gift, not just a service or a transaction. I think it's really important to make that distinction and then react and behave in a way that's suitable. Which means don't immediately start taking photos, look at the person with gratitude, interest and curiosity. Okay, so how to character spot gratitude while traveling. Notice rituals around the food, who is thanked and when, and are thanks directed to the cook, the earth, the ancestors?

Remember in Japan, itadakimasu, right? That said before anything is eaten, that's continued through the generations happens today. It's just, um, in people in Japan, itadakimasu, and you're basically saying thank you to the land, to the person who made it, to the suppliers of the food, et cetera.

Uh, and this is, uh, one of my favorite practices is the gratitude journal. Something I've just started not too long ago when I started studying more about character strengths. But, uh, while traveling. I love these prompts that I came up with. Take five minutes at the end of the each day to record one food or drink you were grateful for, one person who made your meal possible, that's an, I like this one. Uh, one way the meal reflected the local culture or values. And for me, when I go back and look at these later on, maybe it's a month later or years later, it helps bring back almost, it's like almost like a visualization tool, helps trigger and prompt that memory of that moment. And, uh, I love reflecting on it. It also builds a habit of noticing not just what we consume, but what we are a part of.

Okay, legacy. We're gonna look at Croatia through for this. Now, why did I choose Croatia? Little travel story for you back in 1991, backpacking through Europe for six months. My friend and I landed pretty much first off in the Greek Islands- of course, why wouldn't you?- on the island of Paros and made friends with other travelers and we made friends with two young men, uh, who were from Yugoslavia. And this is where we were gonna head to in our travels because I'd heard my mom talk about her travels in a van back in the sixties with her friends. And Yugoslavia one of, one of her favorite places. Now this is 1991. Yugoslavia is still Yugoslavia. We're in Greece. We meet these two guys. We end up spending a month on this island of Paros and we didn't plan that, but it was fantastic. And then the war broke out in Yugoslavia. And these two guys couldn't go home because their fathers, and I'm gonna get this a bit incorrect, but their fathers were both quite high up in the military there, and I'm not sure on what side, but we had to carry on, we had a conference actually of all things that we were going to, and we continued with our travels. We came back to Paros a few months later and found out that these guys had a really rough time and they couldn't go back. They had no money left in Greece. Um. It was, it was very sad. And I often wonder, they weren't there when we were there, but I often wonder how their story ended.

So I've always wanted actually to go to Croatia. I had a mountain biking trip planned there. I'm sure many of you, especially my fellow 50 plus females who love to live life, um, know about this mountain biking and sailing trip in Croatia. So that was my 50th. I was training for it, couldn't wait to do it, had friends who were on board, deposits paid, and then COVID hit. Uh, and that, that, uh, killed that for a while and I haven't been able to get there since. I'm using this episode as a way to explore Croatia again, through the lens of character strengths, a bit of a different perspective, and I wanna go even more.

Now legacy within the VIA Framework, as I mentioned, it isn't a character strength on its own, but a culmination of strengths like perspective, perseverance, love, and creativity. And they're woven into how we impact others over time. In Croatia, food serves as a living archive. The country's diverse geography, coastal Adriatic regions, inland plains, and mountainous borders has shaped its culinary landscape.

Um, here, legacy lives in handwritten recipe books, seasonal rituals and intergenerational storytelling. Dishes like pašticada, which is a slow cooked beef stew or sarma, which are like a cabbage roll. And peka, this is something that I just recently learned about and find it very interesting, meat or seafood and vegetables baked under a bell, like dome with coals.

These aren't just meals, these three. They're like, they're like time capsules. So we're gonna take a closer look at each of these dishes and I absolutely love exploring culture like this, through traditional dishes that carry so much history. They carry the story right of independence, um, of colonization. Uh, having this knowledge when we go traveling changes the experience completely.

So let's take a look at pašticada. Pašticada is a beloved dish from the Dalmatian coast. A beef stew marinated in vinegar and red wine, then slowly cooked with prunes or dried figs. It was traditionally reserved for weddings, baptisms, or saints feast days.

During the Yugoslav era, so that was 1945 to 1991, the state promoted a pan-Yugoslav identity and discouraged overt expressions of nationalism or regionalism. Still Dalmatian families quietly preserve their coastal identity by continuing to cook pašticada during major celebrations.

After the Croatian War of Independence, and so, uh, which went from 1991 to 1991, uh, 1995, pašticada experienced a cultural resurgence. Uh, cookbooks published in the early two thousands emphasized it as traditional Croatian cuisine, reasserting culinary identity after decades of cultural blending.

Now, before we move on to sarma, do you remember if you listened to my episode with Anna Voloshyna, amazing young woman, she is a cookbook author, she's Ukrainian... uh, well, she's so much, she's a cookbook author, plus, plus plus. But she's published one cookbook and she's just been back in the Ukraine researching for her next cookbook. And it's looking at the traditional Ukrainian dishes. I can't wait for this cookbook to come out, but it reminds me so much of what I just said here about Croatia.

Okay, so Sarma, during the war in the early 1990s, many families of course fled war torn cities like Vukovar often resettling in Zagreb or abroad in places like Germany or Canada. And like many forced migrations, few belongings, but many women carried with them their handwritten recipe notebooks or simply remembered recipes taught by their mothers.

So sarma is made of minced meat and rice rolled in fermented cabbage leaves. And this was, um, uh, something that could be made with minimal ingredients, stored for days, and ideal for families living in displacement or with limited kitchen access. In refugee camps and diaspora homes, cooking Sarma became a symbolic act, a way of holding on to pre-war life and teaching children about where we come from and this is, again, exactly what I heard Anna speak of in our conversation.

Okay, let's go on. Peka is an ancient cooking technique where meat, seafood, so it's often lamb or octopus, potatoes and vegetables. And I watched, um, a few YouTube videos of, uh, this dish being made traditionally, and it seemed to be the potatoes and carrot, bay leaf, and a sprig of rosemary with the meat or octopus, octopus seemed to be the, uh, favorite, are placed in a metal tray, seasoned with olive oil, salt and pepper, and covered with a dome like lid. I'm gonna pronounce this wrong, called a čripnja. Then hot coals are put. So you spread, you've cooked, made a fire, you've got hot coals. You pull them apart a bit. You put the tray, um, down with the dome lid on top, and then you put coals back around the dish. And on top of the lid. And it wasn't like, I didn't see them burying it like you do a hangi in New Zealand, uh, with the Maori, uh, traditional, uh, meal, but it was more like scooping coals and putting them on the lid. And then partway through, you take the lid off, you add some wine, I guess, get some more moisture and steam going, and then put the lid on for another 20 to 30 more minutes.

Anyway, after the war, many rural villages in Southern Croatia, like Imotski or Knin, began rebuilding their sense of community through shared meals cooked with peka. These outdoor meals often involving extended families or neighbors became rituals of recovery, a way to gather without formality, share stories and reestablish communal rhythms after years of displacement, grief, and loss. When I was researching this and, and was kind of reading about this, it made me think like, what would my, what would that be for me? What would that look like?

And for me, it's probably two things and it's one our family curry dishes. So recreating the, saag, the dahl, the chicken curry. And the other is the good old New Zealand barbecue. So many great memories growing up around the barbecue and it made me realize, made me decide that in the very near future, we're in summertime in Vancouver, here, Canada, I'm going to have that barbecue again. Where we would have the sausages, some lamb chops, maybe a pavlova, and very simple, but it just invokes for me those, those memories of, uh, connection and great feeling and lots of family around.

In coastal villages in Croatia, it's common again, like in many cultures, for the grandmothers to teach grandchildren how to forage for herbs, preserve seafood, ensuring this ancestral knowledge is not lost. And I know we see it all over social media now, but there's a real push for people to get those recipes from their grandmothers and a lot of people who don't have those recipes and are trying to seek them out, and it is through, when we used to do the in-home experiences or there's League of Kitchens in New York, those are great places to go and if you don't have your own family recipes, you can go and learn from another traditional cook of that culture. It's fantastic seeing this happening now.

So how do we character spot legacy while traveling? This is my favorite, and this is what I've done since early days. Ask local cooks, "who taught you this recipe? What's the story behind the recipe?" When you visit markets or bakeries, butchers inquire about dishes associated with specific holidays or rites of passage. And one of my favorite practices to do, I call it, well, I'm calling it now, The Legacy Table. I never labeled it before, but after your travels, choose one dish that really resonated with you and create a dinner around that dish. Invite someone or a few people you care about to share in this meal.

Now you can take this as a simple, come over and, and stand around my kitchen island. Or you can make an event out of it. And, uh, even theme your invitations and do a whole thing out of it. It's up to you. It doesn't have to be hard though.

And when you're sharing your experiences from your travels through food, it's such a great way to connect and keep those traveling vibes alive. But it also passes on care. You know, remember gifting this food and also cultural memory. So humility, gratitude, legacy: these three forces, quiet, often overlooked also form the foundation of hospitality across the globe. They remind us that food is never just fuel. It is a gesture, a gift and a legacy. As you continue exploring the world, whether far-flung destinations or a new neighborhood cafe, consider how you show up at the table. Are you rushing to review the food, take photos for your Instagram?

Are you taking a moment to thank the hands that made it? Itadakimasu. Are you asking about the recipe or the person who preserved it? Because what we leave behind is not what we took in, but what we passed on. Now as I bring a close to this four-part series called Flavourful Bonds, you're probably gonna recognize that these different, uh, character strengths that we highlighted, they show up in many other countries, not just the ones that I showed here. But I thought this was a really interesting way to explore these other countries and culture through the lens of food and the lens of these character strengths.

If you'd like to learn more about your own VIA Character Strengths, you can visit viacharacter.org and take the free strengths survey. Um, you might be surprised which of these quieter strengths shows up as one of your most powerful.

Until next time, happy cooking and happy travels. And if you want to join other like-minded culinary explorers like us, visit exploreinmykitchen.com where we have the podcast, the newsletters, more recipes and resources just for that community.

Thank you once again for listening and showing up.


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Paula Mohammed

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