Ep. 9 - Blessings & Boundaries Within Sex

Listen to today's episode to learn about what God's word has to say about the topic of sex and how sex outside of marriage can block your blessing. You do not want to miss this!

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Transcript

Welcome to the Building Her Up Podcast. A place where women longing for Christian mentorship can find wisdom, encouragement, and a reminder of who they are in Christ. I am your host, Jazmin Ruiz, and today's episode is about who God is and created us to be, how that impacts our sex lives and the blessings that we receive as his daughters. This is a good one so you don’t want to miss it!

Hey! I’m so excited to join you here today and dive into the word of God with you on a subject that I’ve noticed many shy away from and that’s the topic of sex. When I bring up the word sex, it can evoke many thoughts, memories, emotions, and sensations that can be pleasant or painful. The way sex is presented to many of us by the world and by the church I haven’t found to be the greatest. The world describes it as literal nirvana. The feeling you get afterwards is like no other on this earth and so let’s chase it and let’s flaunt everywhere. Then the church comes in like the exterminator to a roach infestation saying no - this is bad, evil, sinful and both are extremes of something that was supposed to be good and a blessing to us. I think most of us are tainted from the ideologies of the extremes - it’s so pleasing that you should chase it or it’s evil so stay from it. But the fact of the matter is that most singles in the church are not staying away from it so then comes in a stream of guilt and shame. Those type of emotions can lead to two outcomes: the first is that it hinders marital sex when you do get married which is to be pleasurable in so many ways and the second is that it causes us to hide from God. Remember Adam and Eve, once they sinned they hid from the Lord as He approached them. The greatest tragedy is to be apart from our creator and the lover of our souls.

I want to talk today about what God has to say about sex. I hope it gives you fresh perspectives, clears up some fallacies, and draws you closer to the Lord! When talking about the design of anything we don’t have to look any further than the Book of Genesis. I’m going to break down Genesis 1 a bit. So Gensis 1:1 tells us that God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was without form and void and darkness was on the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters. Let me pause there. What I just read tell us in the very beginning of the world there was God and there was the Spirit of God. The Bible tells us a little more about this very moment in John chapter 1:1 and it tells us that, “In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God.” So there’s a distinction here. So it says in the beginning was God (who is one being) and there was also the Word of God ( a second being) who was also referred to as God. You might be wondering, okay who is the word of God. If we go lower in this passage in John 1:14 it tells us that the Word became flesh and dwelt among us and we beheld His glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father, full of grace and truth. Stopping there that passage is telling us that this person who is called the Word of God is non other than Jesus, the one who became flesh and dwelt among us. So a glimpse into the very beginning of creation we see three distinct beings, God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. This is the theology of the trinity.

You might be wondering, okay what does this have to do with sex. We’ll get there. We’ll go back to Genesis 1. Now that we know who was there in the beginning we can understand who the creator is. The creator is God a triune being. As you continue to read it talks about God creating the heavens and the earth, the plants and animals. We get to Gensis 1:26 “God said, let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, the birds of the sky, the cattle, every creeping thing that creeps on the earth. So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created them; male and female He created them. Then God blessed them. This is the first time we’re seeing God create anything in his likeness and image when he created men and women. Why was it important for me to tell you about the trinity? The image of God is that He is three in one. When he created the first man and woman, he took a rib out of the man and made a distinct partner. One being became two. Adam was created from the ground, but Eve was taken out of Adam, not out of the ground.

Genesis 2:24 shares that now that she’s been taken out of man, therefore the man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and they shall become one flesh. I want to highlight that last piece, One Flesh. That part goes back to who our creator is and who we are.

We are image bearers of God. Just as we reflect physical characteristics of our parents so we reflect the image of God. Deuteronomy 6:4 states, “The Lord our God, the Lord is One. The word one there means echad which is the same word used to describe what’s happening when a man and a woman become one flesh. There is a unity happening that reflects God to the world that is only revealed through marriage. It only states that this oneness comes out of marriage. To be joined with anyone that is not your spouse is inaccurately depicting God and defiling His image. Every single design inside the heavens and the earth speak a story of the designer. What’s interesting though is that every part of creation was spoken into existence while humans were fashioned or molded from the dust of the ground with God using himself as the subject. Going back to Genesis 1:28 after creating humans in their likeness He then blessed them. Catch it though the blessing did not precede the identity. It was only when God finished identifying them to be in their likeness that they received the blessing.

So what does this mean? God’s intention for sex is to reflect His glory. The glory is only reflected within a certain boundary and that’s within the confines of marriage. Anything outside of that no longer reflects Him and blocks the blessing. We now have to examine the blessing to see how it’s translating to today’s culture.

Genesis 1:28 tells us the blessing. God spoke a blessing of being fruitful and multiplying, filling the earth and subduing it, having dominion.

Looking at statistics today, 70% of couples in the U.S. live together without marrying. While there a select few possibly that have amazing will power and aren’t having sex, it’s for sure that most couples living together are having sex. Now God’s design is out of alignment of His will and glory which breeds chaos. That is is the exact opposite of His nature as 1 Corinthians 14:33 tells us that God is not the God disorder but of peace.

In today’s society we’re seeing now an increase in STD’s, abortion rates, single-parent homes which blocks the blessing of being fruitful and multiplying children, financially, spiritually, and emotionally. If there’s no fruitfulness and multiplication then you’re not filling the earth which leads to you having no authority to subdue and have dominion. If you’re unclear of what the word dominion means it’s talking about having power to rule. For example your governor has dominion over your state. So when we reflect the image of God accurately, we are then able to receive the blessings, the ultimate one being a ruler and having power. If we’ve blocked our blessing then we become subjects, we are then ruled and reigned over.  

Another way of describing this is that we are not free, we do not have autonomy but we become slaves. I hear often the question, why does God allow bad or evil things to happen and it’s this very thing. He gave us the power on the earth to rule and when we disobey we give the power to an evil ruler aka Satan who then exercises his right of authority over us. Then he fills the earth with chaos because that is who he is. Why does Satan have the power to rule is because it was given to him by man in the garden of eden after they sinned. That has never been God’s intention for any man, woman, or child to suffer. That’s why He sent Jesus. He wants every person to be saved and to be like Him so that you’re no longer under this curse but to be set free. But understand freedom isn’t just a one-time prayer, it’s a daily submission to God declaring I am choosing your will and not mine. I’m choosing to obey the boundaries He has instilled into creation such as his boundaries with sex.

To further drive this message home, I want to take you to the Book of John chapter 15:1-8. It says, “I am the true vine, and My Father is the vine dresser. Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit He prunes that it may bear more fruit. You are already clean because of the word I have already spoken to you. Abide in Me and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you unless you abide in Me. I Am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me and I in him bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing. If anyone does not abide in Me, he is cast out as a branch and is withered; and they gather them and throw them into the fire, and they are burned. If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you. By this My Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit, so you will be My disciples.”

After the man gave dominion to Satan after him and Eve sinned they lost the blessing. The passage I just read to you reveals that the ability to receive the blessing has been reinstated and that was through the Word who we learned is another name for Jesus. Jesus spoke in that passage that we have been made clean through His word and He abides in the believer and calls for us to abide in Him. What is being described is an image of spiritual intimacy. As the man and woman become one flesh, we then have a spiritual representation of this very thing with God as we become one with Him, having His Holy Spirit uniting with us. What happens as we abide in Him and Him in us, we begin to bear fruit. WOW back to the blessing. He blesses those that are one with Him but the curse is that those who choose not to accurately reflect him or be one with Him do not bear fruit and as stated the branches that bear no fruit will be gathered and burned. It sounds harsh and severe but this is the reality. What I’m reading here isn’t about unbelievers, this is about believers. He says He’s the vine and we are the branches. The branches are believers not unbelievers. Lets not make that mistake. Unbelievers aren’t bearing fruit. That’s a given.Those expected to bear fruit are believers in Christ Jesus who have the Holy Spirit. The only way to be fruitful is to obey His commands, accurately depict His image, and stay connected to Him on a daily basis.

This message is truly about reflecting the glory of God but within the context of what Im speaking is how that is or is not accurately shown when we are uniting our bodies with another individual. Within marriage, it tells us the story of who God is and prophesies the future coming and unification of the bride which is the church and Jesus who is the bridegroom. Sex is more than just a physical act. There is rich meaning and deep spiritual connections. Sex is to be beautiful, pleasurable, connecting us to our spouses mentally, emotionally, and spiritually which leads to the greatest blessings we can receive on this side of eternity. But outside of the context of marriage, it literally breeds sickness and death.

I want you to know I don’t share this teaching from a high pedestal. God has humbled me through my disobedience at one point in time. I chose to have sex outside of marriage, I lived with my husband then boyfriend before marriage and had multiple tragedies strike within the year and a half of us living together. I got diagnosed with cervical cancer that came from an STD. I was told I would have a year to live and by some miracle I survived I wouldn’t be able to have children. Literally living the opposite of being fruitful and multiplying. While that happened, the apartment we lived in got completely flooded and we lost most of our belongings and our home for several months; also my car got demolished by a drunk driver who plowed into my car while parked in my driveway, and lastly my husband while playing softball broke his ankle and was like 1 milimeter away from cutting his artery and losing his leg which caused him to be out of work for 6 months. Within this time frame, my husband and I got married with the sound advice we were receiving my parents, my aunt, our pastors. We thankfully didn’t wait to marry and we did within that time frame but when we got married I was sick and my husband in crutches. Our wedding story is far from a fairy tale. We both were literally at death’s door and just saying every blessing was being blocked from every direction. All I can say is BUT GOD. God saved my husband’s ankle, our pastors opened up their home to us for those few months we were homeless, God healed me after a surgery and blessed me with a beautiful daughter. He saved us, redeemed us and gave us blessings upon blessings that we didn’t deserve but that came after we got married.

Today’s message comes from a word that I heard from the Lord as a plea to His daughters. He wants to remind you that you belong to Him not to any man that is not your husband. As any good Father, He wants to give His most prized possession that’s you to an honorable man that will treat you the way that God treats you, literally willing to lay His life down for you. Until He gives your hand in marriage to another man you belong to God and to Him alone. 1 Corinthians 6:19 shows us the the title of legal ownership. Paul tells the church that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. You are not your own. You have been bought at a price so honor God with your bodies.

God desires for you to return and abide in Him, repenting of your sins. As a good father or husband he wants to bless you but that comes through obedience and faithfulness. If you’re in a place where you feel maybe stuck and not sure how to get out of your current circumstances such as sharing a place with your boyfriend or afraid you might lose your partner because you don’t want to continue having sex, I would encourage you to pray and ask the Lord for forgiveness and the help for the next steps. He will guide you and strengthen you to make hard decisions in the moment but the greatest decision you’ll make. Turn to trusted/fruitful leaders in your church and ask them for help as well. He will provide for your every need from shelter to love and support even if your decision to abstain from sex severs your relationship with your boyfriend. He will protect you and be your everything.

That’s today’s message. Just to recap, God is a triune God who created men and women to reflect His image. His image reveals that He is separate but unified and want to reveal that through us humans. Everytime we are joined physically with our spouses are accurately depicting and glorifying God. We are only able to keep God’s image by keeping within the boundaries of sex within the context of marriage not outside of that. When we obey his boundaries or laws, we are then able to receive freedom from Satan and restore the blessings that we are now guaranteed as children of the living God here on earth. The blessings recorded in Genesis are for us now not for us when we enter into heaven. Go abide in the the Lord and allow Him to be everything you need in this season of life. Allow him to work in you and prepare you to be a wife. In His perfect timing He will give you to a man that is worthy of being called your husband.

I hope this message encouraged you and taught you something new. If you enjoyed the message, share it with a loved one, follow the podcast, and leave a review. Thank you for listening and may you continue to be built up to who God has created you to be!