Episode 156. How to Navigate the Messy Middle of Your Goals Without Quitting

You started the goal.

You were all in.
Motivated.

 “This time is going to be different.”

And now?

You’re tired.
It’s harder than you thought.
And you’re quietly wondering if it’s even working.

This episode is about that part.

The middle.

The part where your goals feel messy, slow, and honestly… kinda frustrating.

I’m breaking down why this happens, what’s actually going on in your brain, and how to keep going without burning yourself out or quitting (again).

If you’ve ever thought,

 “Why do I always start strong and then fall off?”

You need this one.

HEY THERE! LET'S CONNECT...I'D LOVE TO GET TO KNOW YOU BETTER!

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

You know that moment when you're driving home from work and you just catch yourself thinking, why does this feel so hard? Not the crazy days, not the emergencies, just everyday life. You're doing all the things, you're showing up, you're working hard, trying to make things better. And sometimes it feels like you're putting in more work, but getting less traction. Like you're stuck in the middle of something and you can't quite figure it out. That feeling, that's not you doing it wrong, that's not you falling behind, that's the part nobody talks about. That's the messy middle. And if you don't understand what's happening right there, you're gonna quit on the things that were actually working. So today we're gonna talk about that part of the journey that determines everything, the part where most people get up, and we're gonna talk about how to stop being one of them. So let's get started. Welcome to the Dental Life Podcast, where we explore how you can have both a successful career and a meaningful personal life in and outside of your practices without sacrificing one for the other. I'm your host, Beth Highland, former dental office manager, turned certified life and health coach, and I'm here to help you navigate the challenges and opportunities that come from being a dental professional. Let's get started. We're wrapping up the first quarter of 2026, and this is the moment most people avoid. Because back in January, you were fired up. I'm actually going to go through with it this time. Things are going to be different this year. And now here we are. End of Q1. And it's the perfect time to pause and take a second and ask yourself, am I actually doing what I said I was going to do? This first quarter, we've talked about all of it setting goals, achieving goals, how to use your brain so you actually follow through instead of quitting halfway. But here's the truth: starting something new is exciting. You decide you're going to fix the schedule in your practice. You're going to finally get your finances under control. Maybe write a book, grow that practice. The beginning always feels amazing. You've got that fresh notebook, a clean spreadsheet, energy, motivation. You're telling everybody in the morning huddle, all right, team, we're doing things differently now. The beginning is fun. Finishing, finishing feels incredible too. There's relief, there's pride, you see the results. But the difference between people who actually succeed and the people who don't is not talent. It's not luck. It's this one thing. That is learning how to navigate the messy middle. Because the middle, that is where most people quit. The messy middle is where doubt gets really loud. You start wondering if the whole thing was a bad idea. It's where progress slows down. The excitement you had at the beginning starts to disappear. And suddenly quitting starts to feel like the most reasonable option. But let me say this so clearly. Every meaningful goal has a messy middle. Every single one. When you hit that moment where it feels like things are falling apart, not working, taking too long, costing more than you expected, sounds familiar, right? Because if you work in a dental practice or do anything, you already know that feeling. So let's say the practice sets a goal. You're going to increase production and collections by 15% this year. Everyone's excited. You have that meeting. You talk about treatment acceptance, scheduling better. You're going to present larger cases. You are fired up. Then about six weeks later, reality starts to show up. The schedule has openings. Insurance claims are bouncing back. One patient, then another, and then another, says no to treatment. And someone on the team says, what everyone else is thinking, is this actually working? That right there, that's a messy middle. The excitement has worn off, the results haven't arrived yet. And if you don't know how to manage your mind during that part, you quit. Not officially, quietly. You just stop pushing, you stop trying, and you go back to your old ways. Last week I had talked about how burnout was the best gift I never asked for. Because burnout forced me to question everything. How I was thinking, how I was working, what I believed about success. What I believed about myself, was it miserable? Absolutely. Would I change it? Not a chance. Because that experience, living in burnout like I did, forced me to learn the mental hygiene skills that allow you to set big goals and survive the messy middle that comes with them. So here's the part most people get wrong. They think they need to know the entire plan before they start. I heard that for years and I never bought into it. I was like, of course you do. But you know what? You don't. You only need to know the next step. Think about any big journey. You don't see the whole path. You just see the next mile. And honestly, you usually only understand how you got somewhere after you arrived there and look back. Now you should absolutely plan. Planning matters, but here's the key the plan will change. Every single time doesn't mean you did something wrong, it means you're doing something real. Right now, I'm writing a book, and let me tell you something. The messy middle of writing a book is real. I have three hours each week blocked off for writing. Three hours. That's it. I also have a goal for when the book needs to be finished. So I have a starting point and ending point. Each week when I plan my schedule, I work it backwards. What result do I need to do this week to stay on track? Maybe it's writing one section, maybe it's editing a chapter, maybe it's outlining the next part. I'm going to get to that goal seven days at a time. That is how you survive the messy middle. Not by figuring out the whole thing, but by moving forward a little at a time. Another thing about the messy middle, things are going to change. The strategy that got you started might not be the same strategy that gets you across the finish line. You have to stay focused but flexible. And that is not a one-time decision. That is a mindset. You have to be willing to say what worked before might not work now. And you have to be willing to learn something new. Here's another truth. Everything is going to take longer than you think, and everything will cost more than you expect. Now that's not negativity. That is reality. And if you plan for that, you won't be shocked when it happens. Let's talk about the thing that's actually keeping you stuck because it's not the schedule, it's not your team, it's not the doctor. It's what's happening in your head. It's those indulgent emotions, procrastination, perfectionism, overthinking, second guessing, worrying about what people are going to think, not wanting to mess up, not wanting to look stupid. And listen, I get it. Those things feel important. They feel like you're being responsible. They feel like you're thinking it through, but you're not. You're stalling. You're sitting in the discomfort trying to think your way out of it instead of moving your way through it. Because here's the truth: nobody tells you. Those feelings don't solve the problem. They actually just extend it. You don't get out of the messy middle by thinking harder. You get out by moving, by doing the thing before you feel ready, before you feel confident, before you have it all figured out. You know exactly what this looks like in your practice. There's that one conversation you know you need to have. Maybe it's with the assistant who's cutting corners, the hygienist who's got attitude, the front desk team member who keeps wanting to do things their way. And every day you think, I need to say something, but not today. You're too busy. It's not the right time. You don't want it to get awkward. You don't want to say it wrong. So you keep replaying it over and over in your head, in the car, in the shower, when you're lying in bed at night, trying to figure out exactly what to say so that it goes perfectly. And meanwhile, nothing changes. If anything, it gets worse. More tension, more frustration, more of you thinking, why am I the only one that sees this? That's what's actually happening. It's not that you don't know what to do. You know. You're just waiting to feel ready to do it. And that waiting, that indulging, that's what's keeping you stuck. So stop asking yourself, do I feel ready to do this? Because let's be honest, you're probably never gonna want to do it. Instead, ask yourself, what's the next thing I can do to move this forward, even if it's a little messy, not perfect, not polished, just moving. Because here's how it actually works: you don't get clarity and then take action. You take action and that's what gives you clarity. You say the thing, you try the new system, you have the conversation, and then you figure it out from there. That's how this works, not the other way around. You don't get out of the messy middle by avoiding discomfort. You get out by walking straight through it. Messy, imperfect, maybe a little unsure, uncertain, but moving because the only people who stay stuck are the ones waiting to feel ready before they start. Now, I know what you might be thinking. You might be thinking, Beth, imperfect action, that just doesn't work in dentistry. And you're right. You do need the margin on that crown prep to be precise. You do need the patient's ledger to be correct. But think about the first time you learned those skills. You weren't perfect, you practiced, you got better, you kept going. Yet there are so many other things in a dental practice people avoid because they're not perfect at them. Maybe it's running better team meetings, having those honest conversations with team members, improving your communication, leading instead of avoiding. Those things get skipped because they are uncomfortable, because you might not get it right the first time, but you don't get better without starting. I recently went back and listened to a few of my early podcast episodes. Oh my goodness, total cringe. I remember being so terrified to hit that record button, but I did it anyway. And I know even now, there will be a point in the future that I will look back at this very episode and feel the same way. But I do it anyway. And now I get emails from you all the time telling me how much this content helps you. Imagine if I had waited until it was perfect. We would not be here. Here's another trap in the messy middle, and this one feels very productive. You convince yourself you just need a little more information. Maybe you watch another YouTube video, download another training, buy another course, read another book, and then you tell yourself this is going to be the thing that finally makes it click. Meanwhile, nothing is actually changing. You're just getting really, really good at learning and not doing. Let's just call it what it is. That is productive procrastination. And listen, I love a good podcast. I mean, here I am, and a solid training. I love that as much as anyone. But at some point, you got to shut it off and do the thing. Because you don't always need more information. You need more action. You know, Toby Keats said it best, a little less talk and a lot more action. Look, every Sunday morning, our phones send that and look. Let's talk about another distraction in the messy middle. You know, every Sunday morning our phones send that screen time notification. Most of us just swipe it away real quick. But here's what that number actually means. The average person spends about five hours a day on their phone. That's 35 hours a week. It's basically another full-time job. And over a lifetime, it adds up to nine years of your life. Nine years. Imagine what someone could build, what you could learn or fix or create with nine extra years. That blows my mind. And look, your energy is everything in the messy middle. There are thousands of distractions just like that trying to pull it away. Social media, Netflix, office gossip, busy work, meetings that accomplish nothing. You have to protect your energy. For me, my best thinking happens in the morning. My phone stays in the other room until noon. That one change, huge, massive difference in my life. By 10 a.m., my brain used to feel fried. It doesn't anymore. Another thing I've learned about my brain is it's most creative in the morning. So that's when I do my writing content, emails, podcasts, book writing. I don't schedule meetings during that time. I did the same thing in the dental practice. Once that eight o'clock patient was seated, that was my window. Fewer interruptions. That's when I tackled the big things, the money, the projects, the systems. Then again, two o'clock right after lunch. Those little windows mattered. Every weekend, another thing you need to do to get through the messy middle is to make decisions ahead of time. Every weekend I sit down and I plan my week. Everything goes on the planner. Work, projects, meals. My husband and I plan our dinners for the week. It's simple stuff: fajitas, chicken and veggies, nothing fancy, but it eliminates dozens of small decisions during the week. And when you eliminate those little decisions, you have energy for bigger problems. Now, here's the bigger point I want to make. The purpose of a goal isn't just to achieve something, it's to grow into the person who can achieve it. You don't want more money just to avoid being broke. You want more money because it creates freedoms, it creates options, possibilities, a life you enjoy. But the journey from where you are today to where you want to go, it is the messy middle. It's not about surviving it. That's what creates burnout. It's about learning how to navigate it. Because transformation happens there, not at the beginning or at the end, in the middle. And here's the real skill. The only thing standing between where you are today and where you want to go through that messy middle is your mind. Because look, if it weren't for your brain, you just set a goal and go achieve it. But your brain will try to keep you comfortable, keep you safe, small. Learning how to manage your mind, that is the most important skill you can develop to navigate the messy middle. And listen, if this episode hit home for you, if you're in the messy middle right now, you are not alone. Thousands of dental professionals are navigating the same thing. That's exactly why I created my free Facebook community. It's called Beyond Dental Burnout. It's where we have real conversations about what it takes to build a successful career in dentistry without sacrificing your life in the progress. So if you're ready to think bigger, play bigger, and finally learn how to navigate the messy middle without burning yourself out, come join us. Just go over to Facebook, search for Beyond Dental Burnout, or check the link in the show notes. In the meantime, I'll see you on next week's episode and in the group. Hey, have you had a chance to download your free copy of my mental hygiene checklist yet? Visit Beth Heilmancoaching.com to get your copy. It teaches you the practical skills you need to achieve the same level of excellent mental hygiene as your dental hygiene. Don't miss out on this valuable resource for both your personal and professional growth.