Episode 158. Emotional Clutter: What's Really Weighing You Down (And How to Let Go)

You’re getting through your days… but something just feels off - constantly.

You’re tired, but rest doesn’t fix it.
 You can’t fully relax.
 Your brain won’t settle down… and you don’t even know why.

You think it’s your schedule. You think it’s your job - but it's NOT.

It’s what you’ve been carrying around without realizing it.

In this episode, we’re talking about emotional clutter—the small, everyday stuff that builds up in your body and quietly wears you down—and how to finally clear it out in a way that actually works in real life.

If you’ve been wondering, “why do I feel like this all the time?”… this one’s going to help.

HEY THERE! LET'S CONNECT...I'D LOVE TO GET TO KNOW YOU BETTER!

• Website: https://www.bethheilmancoaching.com
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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey, have a seat for a second. Like we're on a break with a latte and we've got a few minutes for a heart to heart. Because look, I know you feel tired. Not just the I didn't sleep well, tired. More like something feels off and you don't really know why. You're getting through your days, you're doing your job, nothing is completely falling apart. But underneath it, there's this low grade feeling, like that buzz in your chest. Your shoulders are always a little tight. Your brain is always kind of on. It's that constant sense that something just isn't right. And you've probably tried a few things to fix it. Gone to bed a little early, had another cup of coffee in the morning, told yourself, I'm fine, it's really not that bad. But none of that really sticks. So you're left thinking, why do I feel like this when nothing is really that wrong? We're going to get to the bottom of that today. So let's get started. Welcome to the Dental Life Podcast, where we explore how you can have both a successful career and a meaningful personal life in and outside of your practices without sacrificing one for the other. I'm your host, Beth Highman, former dental office manager, turned certified life and health coach, and I'm here to help you navigate the challenges and opportunities that come from being a dental professional. Let's get started. Just me and you. And I know the feeling way too well. And I think we need to talk about it. Not in some big, heavy, dramatic way, just real talk. There's some stuff you've been carrying around that you probably don't even know how to put into words yet. And I want to help you make sense of all of that. Because I spent years trying to figure out why I felt that way too. I would read all the self-help books, listening to audiobooks on the way to work, trying to just get my stuff together. Because on paper, my life looked really good. I had a solid career, we were doing okay financially, great kids, good marriage, beautiful home. Nothing was wrong, but day to day, I felt like I was constantly behind. No matter how early I'd get to work or how late I stayed, it was never enough. I'd leave there and still be thinking about that schedule. Who didn't show? What insurance didn't pay? Who was irritated with who? Then I'd walk into the house, laptop open, or at the very least, my phone was in my hand. I would feel guilty at work because I wasn't at home. I would feel guilty at home because I wasn't still fully present. It was like I was just go, go, go. Always the one handling things, always the one people counted on, and somehow still felt like I was dropping the ball everywhere. And I hear this exact same thing from you, almost word for word. I want to share something with you. No one ever told me, and it explains so much once you see it. We are carrying around a bunch of emotional clutter. Now let's talk about emotions for a minute because it will explain a lot. Emotions are simply vibrations in your body caused by your thoughts. It is that simple. But they have a cycle they must complete. And when they don't, they start to build. It's like charges hitting your credit card all day long. Nothing huge on its own, but you never pay it off. So it stacks up, it stacks up and it stacks up. And after a while, it's not just the original charges anymore. It's the weight of everything that's been piling on top of it, the interest on those credit card charges. And those emotions aren't just the big dramatic ones, not those traumatic kinds that you can point to and say that's the problem. It's those small ones all day long. Things you felt but didn't let go through the cycle. You didn't have the time, the space, or the permission to actually feel those through that cycle. They didn't go anywhere, they stayed in your body. And over time, they start to feel like this constant low-level weight. That's what you're feeling. It's not the schedule, it's not your job, it's not the boss. What your body is still holding on to is creating unbearable emotional clutter. The picture I always have in my mind is of an overstuffed trash bag. You know the one. You keep shoving stuff in it, pushing it down with your foot, like we can get one more thing in there. And then suddenly it's like, no, not one more thing. The whole thing rips open. That's exactly what happens when you keep stuffing down your emotions and not dealing with them. At some point, not one more thing. That's the moment it's gonna spill over. But here's the part nobody tells us emotions aren't just this vapor into thin air. They are physical, those vibrations that move through your body, they are energy. They are meant to come in, move through, and leave. But in real life, that's not what happens a lot of times. You're in the middle of a procedure and then something hits you. That patient snaps at you and you feel it immediately, but you can't react. So you smile, you keep going, and that feeling, it did not get processed, but it didn't go anywhere. It is still in your body. Your body started to feel it, but you had to move on. See that next patient, answer the phone, keep it together. But that feeling, it stayed. It never got to finish. It doesn't just disappear because you ignored it. Your body is going to hold on to it until it gets to run its course. I heard this recently, and it is the easiest way to picture it. It's like going through a tunnel, but you stop right in the middle. You didn't come back out the other side. Your body is still in there, and it is going to stay there until you give it the chance to move all the way through. And think about the time the doctor says something, maybe he says something snarky that just lands wrong. You feel it, but there's no time. So you push it down. That didn't go anywhere either. And it happens over and over again. Not one big thing, a hundred small things every single day. And they add up, just like those charges on your credit card. Not real big ones, two dollars, five dollars, ten dollars. Nothing you're stressed out about until you realize you never paid any of it off. And now it's not just the charges, it's the interest on those charges. That's what that off feeling is. That's why you can't fully relax. That's why you feel so heavy. That's why nothing you've tried has actually fixed it. Because you haven't been dealing with the thing that's actually there. And once you understand this, you're gonna start noticing it and you're gonna know when it's time to clear up some emotional space. Some of those warnings are when loops just won't close. Those old arguments you're holding on to. When I learned this, it finally clicked while my husband and I kept having the same argument on repeat. It would be the same conversation, just a different day. Nothing actually gets completed. So it just keeps coming back around. Or those unfinished conversations. Something comes up weeks from now that your brain has just been circling on. When my mind won't let something go, it's usually because something, an emotion, did not get processed. Then there's that sense of tightness you really can't explain. It is time for some emotional clutter to be cleared. It's those times when your shoulders are up by your ears. Your jaw has been clenched all day and you didn't even notice. There's that weird feeling in your chest or in your stomach that just sits there. Nothing big happened, but your body's acting like it did. Or you have the desire to check out. That is the time for some emotional clutter to be cleared out. Those times when you grab your phone without even thinking about it, you're in the break room and suddenly you're eating something you weren't even craving. You keep yourself busy on purpose because the second things get quiet, it feels really uncomfortable. Or there are those times when your brain just won't cooperate. It is time for some emotional baggage to be cleared out. You've got that foggy thinking, decisions you're overthinking, you're staring at the schedule, trying to decide something simple, and it shouldn't be this hard. Even small things feel like a big decision. You read that same note three times and it's still not clicking. It's like your brain is buffering, and no matter how hard you try, it's just foggy. And then there's that kind of tired that just doesn't make sense. Like I mentioned at the beginning of the podcast, when you finally get a minute to sit down and you're like, why do I still feel like this? It's not just tired. It's like something is weighing on you and you just can't quite put your finger on it. That's emotional buildup. And here's the part that has the potential to change everything for you. How to clear that emotional clutter. Those feelings aren't stuck because something is wrong. They're stuck because they never got to finish that emotional cycle. They're still stuck in that tunnel. An emotion starts. It's supposed to move all the way through. But most of yours, most of mine, they get interrupted. You get into the tunnel, but you get stopped halfway because you got to keep moving. Your job doesn't just stop to process your feelings. So now you've got all these half-finished emotional experiences sitting in your body. That's clutter. So, what do you do about it? How do you start to clear out that emotional clutter? Look, you don't need to blow up your life to fix this. And you definitely don't need some perfect routine or an hour of quiet time that you just don't have. This isn't about doing more. It's about clearing out what's already happening in your body. First of all, I want you to give yourself a little space from it. Right now, it probably feels like those feelings and the situation, they're the same thing. Like it's just one big mess in your head, but it's not. What helps is getting it out of your head so that you can actually see it. Think about how you handle a patient that comes in with a toothache. They come in, they tell you this whole story, everything that's been going on, why they didn't get in sooner, what they think is wrong. But you don't just run with that story. You take an x-ray, you look at what's actually going on there. And you don't sit there and go, wow, number 30, you shouldn't have decay. You look at the facts so that you can decide what needs to happen next. Same thing here. Right now, everything is tangled together. The thoughts, the feelings, the story that you're telling yourself about all that. The goal isn't to fix it right away, it's just to get it out of your head. Write it down, say it out loud. Get those thoughts out of your head so that you can see them more clearly. Because once you can, you've got a little space. And once you have space, you're not as caught up in it. And you could decide what you actually want to do with all of that. So here's what that looks like in real life. Say you're in the treatment room or you're walking into the sterilization room or sitting in your car before you go inside your house and you feel it, that tightness, that low buzz, your brain starting to loop on something. Instead of pushing past it like you normally would do, pause for just a second and just notice it. Call it out. That's it. And quietly, in your head, under your breath, just describe it. My chest feels tight. There's a knot in my stomach. My cheeks are flushed. It's not I feel bad or things are just off. Be specific. And if it might feel a little weird at first, but it matters more than you think. And you don't have to do anything with it. You don't need to fix it. You don't need to figure it out. You don't need to solve anything in that moment. Give it just a minute, a minute and a half. Literally, let it go through that cycle. And then I want you to actually name it. It sounds simple, but it's the part most of us skip. We feel something and immediately try to move past it, shut it down, or distract ourselves from it. But these feelings are not problems to solve. They're just vibrations in your body. So instead of pushing it away, just notice it. What is it? Name it. Is it anxiety? Is it embarrassment? Is it frustration? Because when you can name it, your brain goes, Oh, that's what that is. And it takes some of the edge off. There's actually a term for getting that specific. It's called emotional granularity. So instead of calling everything stress, you get more specific. Now you don't have to remember the term, you just need to do it. So I'll just tell you, I had an example recently in my business. I did something that felt very vulnerable, like putting myself out there in a way that made my stomach drop just thinking about it. I had worked through all my thoughts, got everything ready, felt really good about it, but then I hit publish. And immediately my body reacted. My hands were sweaty, my chest tightened up, my face felt hot. Normally I would have started all this mental chatter in my brain. I shouldn't have done that. What are you thinking? These people probably don't even know me. I should have waited. That was a bad idea. Or I would have gotten busy and just pretended all those feelings weren't there. But this time I didn't. I just let it be there. I didn't try to fix it or calm myself down. I just named it. Beth, remember, this is what fear feels like in your body. Nothing has gone wrong. You just did something new and it was uncomfortable. You're not gonna die. I let that feeling process through my body. I went for a short walk a few minutes later, 10, 15 minutes. Everything settled down, nothing bad happened. It just moved through my body. And I know you can't always do that in the moment. You're in the middle of a procedure, you've got a patient in the chair, the schedule is packed. You don't have the option to stop everything and deal with an emotion right then. I get it. The other day I was coaching someone who told me that her doctor had made a comment in front of a patient, and it really got to her. Her eyes were tearing up above her mask, but she had to keep it together and just move on. So she pushed it down and tried to ignore it, but it kept coming up for days every time she saw the doctor. And that's how this emotional clutter builds up. So I told her, I said, look, don't pretend it didn't happen. You just don't have to deal with it right then. Pick a time later in the day, maybe it's 5:30 in your car, at home, whatever works. Give yourself a few minutes to actually feel that emotion then. It happens with my work all the time. I get upset about something, but I've got a deadline to meet, a coaching call to get on. I don't have time for that meltdown right then. So I'll be like, okay, 45 minutes from now, 1215, I'll meet you over there, Mr. Overwhelm. But your body still needs to process it. If you don't, that's gonna create emotional clutter. Doesn't go away just because you ignored it. And this is the part that really matters. You're not gonna think your way out of it. You can't logic your way through emotional clutter. You have to let your body move it through. That's how it's gonna clear out. Also, to clear out this emotional clutter, start paying attention to what you do when you don't want to feel something. Everyone has a go-to. It might be scrolling social media, staying busy, working more, eating a bag of Cheetos, shutting down, trying to control everything. It's usually so automatic you don't even realize you're doing it. Like when you're home on the weekend, but your laptop's still open, or at least in your head it is. You sit down for a second and immediately grab your phone. You just can't be still. Your body feels tight, your shoulders are tight. Nothing has happened to even explain all that. That's not random. That's you avoiding something. So instead of judging it or trying to stop it right away, just notice it. Call it out. I jump on Facebook when I don't want to feel overwhelmed. I stay busy when I don't want to feel behind. That alone creates a little space between you and that habit. And then you've got to stop piling it on. I call it stop feeding the monster. Not in some dramatic overhaul your life kind of way, just in the small moments where you would usually ignore it. Every time you say, I'm fine, when you're really not. Every time you act like something didn't bother you, but it did. Every time you scroll, stay busy, push through instead of noticing what's there. You're just adding to that clutter. That's how it builds. So when you feel something come up, don't just brush past it like you normally do. Give it a minute, a minute and a half. You don't need to break it down or understand everything right then. It's not about analyzing it, it's just about letting your body feel it. That's it. Because when you actually let the feeling happen instead of shutting down, it will move through your body. It will finish that cycle. And when it finishes, it's not going to stick around. That's how you start to clear it out. One moment at a time. Just letting things actually pass through instead of holding on to them. And look, this might be the most important one. Don't keep it hidden. I want you to expose it. When you keep that stuff hidden, the fear, the embarrassment, the I shouldn't be feeling this way, that stuff is the one that sticks around the longest. When you keep it to yourself, it's not going to go away. It just sits there and builds. And after a while, it turns into this weight you can't even trace back to what it is anymore. So instead of holding it all in, find a place where you can actually expose it. Somewhere where you don't have to explain what a day in the dental office looks like. Somewhere where you don't have to filter yourself or keep it together. That's exactly why I created Beyond Dental Burnout. That's my free Facebook group. It's not for advice, not for someone to fix you, not for judgment. It's just a place where people get it and you don't have to carry it alone anymore. And one last thing before we go. Don't make this mean something's wrong with you. There isn't. You were never taught this. No one pulled you aside and explained it to you. They didn't explain how emotions actually work or how that stuff you don't deal with just sits in there and builds up. And the people around you, they weren't taught this stuff either. So everyone's just walking around handling life, doing their best while carrying around a bunch of stuff they don't even realize they're carrying. None of that's on purpose. You're just trying to get through your day, keep it together, do your job, take care of people. So when you feel something uncomfortable, you push it down and keep moving. Of course you did. That made sense at the time, but over the years it adds up. And now it just feels like this constant weight you just can't explain. And here's the part that matters. Those feelings you've been trying to avoid, they're not the problem. They're supposed to be there, feeling frustrated, overwhelmed, anxious, irritated. That's part of being human. The issue isn't the feelings, it's what we've been doing with them ignoring them, numbing them out, pushing them through. Pretending they don't matter. That's what creates the clutter. So instead of going straight to what's wrong with me, shift it just a little bit. Oh, this is what frustration feels like in my body. This is what anxiety feels like. This is what pressure feels like. Just notice it, name it, and then let it move all the way through instead of cutting it off. That's how it starts to clear out. Not by fixing yourself, but by finally understanding what's actually been going on. So if you've been sitting there thinking, why do I feel this way all the time? That's probably it. It's not one big thing. It's not something you need to fix. It's all of the small things that never got a chance to finish. So don't overcomplicate it. Start really small. Right now. Take a breath. Put your hand on your chest for just a second and ask yourself, what am I actually feeling right now? Name it. Don't fix it. Don't try to figure out. Just notice it. That's where it starts. And if you want a place where you don't have to explain any of this, where people just get what your day actually feels like, come join us and beyond dental burnout. Not for advice, not for fixing stuff, just to be around people who understand. Because you're not the only one feeling this way. Not even close. One breath, one minute, one emotion, clear it out of your body. Have a fabulous week. I'll see you in the group and on next week's episode.

unknown 23:49

Bye.

SPEAKER_00 23:51

Hey, have you had a chance to download your free copy of my mental hygiene checklist yet? Visit Beth HeilmanCoaching.com to get your copy. It teaches you the practical skills you need to achieve the same level of excellent mental hygiene as your dental hygiene. Don't miss out on this valuable resource for both your personal and professional growth.