Episode 160. What a Healthy Mental Operating System Looks Like in a Dental Office

Ever leave work thinking, “Nothing that crazy even happened… so why am I so exhausted?”

This episode explains what’s actually going on.
Not the schedule. Not the patients.

It’s the mental operating system running underneath your whole day—and nobody ever taught you how to handle it.

Once you hear this, your days at the office are going to make a lot more sense.

HEY THERE! LET'S CONNECT...I'D LOVE TO GET TO KNOW YOU BETTER!

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Transcript

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There is something going on in a lot of dental practices. You can feel it. You know it's there. You just can't quite explain it or figure out how to fix it. See, you can have the best dentist. I mean, deliver beautiful dentistry, the best equipment, the best technology, the best systems, and still feel like your entire day is held together with bib clips and panic. You've got tension in the morning huddle. There's always at least one team member who's in their feelings. You're doing what you can to keep patients from picking up on that weird energy. And you're finally in your car. It's quiet for the first time all day. And your brain starts going. What the heck happened today? Why did everything feel so chaotic again? Why does one little thing throw the whole day off? Why does it feel like I'm putting out fires nonstop? Why am I so tired? I didn't even do anything crazy today. It felt like a normal day. Why do I feel so irritated over dumb stuff? Why is everyone in such a mood lately? Why do I feel like I can't ever catch up? Why am I still thinking about that cranky patient? Just let it go already. And then this question hits. Why does this job feel so much harder than it should be? Which leads to the real underlying question, is it just me or is this place just too much? When actually nothing really major even happened today, but you feel like you got your booty kicked. Look, here's why this keeps happening. You're trying to keep a busy practice running, whether you're in hygiene, assisting the doctor, or at the front desk. But so many of the team members are mentally fried and just reacting all day. And nobody ever showed you how to handle that part. Nobody taught you how to fix that. But that's what we're talking about today. So let's get started. Welcome to the Dental Life Podcast, where we explore how you can have both a successful career and a meaningful personal life in and outside of your practices without sacrificing one for the other. I'm your host, Beth Highland, former dental office manager, Turn Certified Life and Health coach, and I'm here to help you navigate the challenges and opportunities that come from being a dental professional. Let's get started. Welcome back to the podcast. Listen, if you have been in dentistry five minutes, this episode is for you. You see, in dentistry, we focus our training on two things. First, clinical excellence. You learn how to prep a crown down to the micron. You place that implant exactly where it needs to go. Those margins are perfect. You adjust occlusion and it feels great. We use scanners, lasers, all the latest technology. You have trained to be precise, focused, high-level excellence. And then there's the business part. You learn how to present treatments so beautifully, those patients say yes. You hit your production goals, fill that schedule, track the numbers, run a profitable practice. And on paper, that should be enough. But here's what actually happens during a day. You've got that full schedule. Then room two starts running behind. A patient is irritated about their bill. The doctor is snippy with you. Hygiene needs an exam right now. The phone is ringing. Someone's asking you a question, and you're in the middle of three other things. It's in moments like that you feel yourself starting to lose it a little. Your brain starts spiraling and everything is overwhelming. And no one ever showed you what to do with all of that. You don't have a playbook, a system for all that messiness. So your brain goes straight into we're behind. This is bad. We're never going to catch up. This place is always chaotic. And now you're rushing, skipping steps, forgetting things. Not because you're not good at your job, because your brain just hit the gas on stress mode. That one comment, that's when your emotions hijack your day. That one comment from the doctor, can we please stay on time today? Logically, that's nothing. He's not saying anything rude, but your brain hears you're the problem. Now you're irritated, you're defensive, you shut down a little, and it follows you into the next patient and the next conversation, and your whole day spins out. Then this is the stuff that becomes your default programming. You don't even think about it anymore. This is autopilot. It's things like the schedule that's already full, and someone says, Can we squeeze in one more patient today? And you hear yourself, yeah, we can make it work, even though you already know it's going to throw everything off. Or something's not set up right. Maybe a room didn't get turned over the way it should have. And instead of saying anything, you just jump in, fix it, keep moving. Or you've got three things going on at once. The phone's ringing, a patient is at the desk, the doctor's asking you a question, and instead of asking for help, you just try to handle it all yourself. You haven't even sat down today. You hadn't had any water. Besides, that's just going to make you pee and you sure don't have enough time for that. You haven't even thought about lunch, but you keep going and you're thinking, I'll just deal with it later. Or maybe a patient pushes back or gets a little difficult. And instead of setting a boundary, you smooth it over, even if it makes the rest of your day harder. I remember spending four hours on a patient's bill. Four hours I didn't have. You know that patient too. The mom, the dad, both on three-month recall, three kids all on the same bill. Dad changed jobs and insurance, but didn't tell you. So you felt compelled to untangle that insurance web right then. Listen, when I learned to outsource that, it was like getting a new employee. I mean, it really is, except you don't have to pay all those payroll taxes. I mean, that decision is a no-brainer. But back to the podcast. I may have a little PTSD over that dang insurance. And later you catch yourself thinking, why did I say yes to that? I should have said something earlier. Why do I always end up doing everything? It's not like you're sitting there making some self-sabotaging decision in that moment. It's just your default programming. The same reactions, the same patterns, different day, different patient, same stuff. We all know it's happening. We just ignore it. We actually normalize it because it doesn't feel like a problem. It feels like this is just how it goes in a dental office. That is your default mental operating system. And here's what I want you to know because so many of us are just not aware of it. You can be really good at your job, like know your stuff. You've been doing this a long time. You know how the schedule should run. You know how to handle patients. You know how the day should go. But when you're already overwhelmed and running on fumes, that version of you doesn't show up. That's when you start forgetting things you would never forget. Your tone, it comes out wrong, and you're like, that's not how I meant that. You rush and then you have to go back and fix stuff. You get irritated over things that normally wouldn't bother you. And you're sitting there thinking, why am I like this today? Look, you're not like this. You're just maxed out. Even though that's not how you want to show up, that's not in alignment at all with who you want to be. You certainly don't want to be running that mental operating system. When your brain is fried, even the best version of you can't do her job the way she normally would. That's why it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what your job is in the practice. You could be at the front desk and hygiene, assisting, running the whole place. You can have a solid team, people who know exactly what they're doing. That full schedule, hitting your production and collection goals, and it still doesn't feel good. Like everyone's on edge, but there's no clear reason. Simple stuff gets missed, and you're like, how did that even happen? The day just feels harder than it needs to be. And then you start looking around. We're good at what we do. Why does this feel so yucky? My favorite was why am I working so hard just to feel so bad? It's because nobody ever showed you how to handle the human side of this job while you're in the middle of it. It's not the tasks, it's not the systems. You could do that part in your sleep. I'm talking about the part where your brain is already overloaded at 10 a.m. You're getting pulled in five different directions. Your tone starts to slip, and you're like, no, that is not how I meant it. You can feel yourself getting irritated, but you got to keep going. That's your mental operating system at work. Your brain, your stress, those default reactions all running in the background while you're trying to do your job. And nobody ever taught you how to manage that part in real time. The okay, this is getting stressful. Now what do I do so this doesn't turn into a whole thing part? Because it's not that you don't know how to do your job. You absolutely do. It's that you're trying to do it while your brain is in overdrive. We all are. So what you end up with is this on paper, everything looks fine. Like I said, the schedule's full, everyone's covering their jobs, people are trained. But during the day, that's when things unravel. It feels like you're constantly adjusting, things are slipping through the cracks, everyone is just trying to keep up. Things are working, but it doesn't feel good while you're in it. So, what is this human mental operating system? Let's make this simple. Every single person in your practice is running on three things. First, their brain, that automatic programming. Number two, their emotions, their fuel system, what's driving all those actions. And number three, their habits, default behaviors. That's it. But here's the thing: for most of the day, you're not even consciously thinking, you're just reacting. You're in autopilot, trying to stay afloat while you're dealing with the insurance, constant changes in tech, and patients who expect everything right now and praying somehow the instruments stay cleaned. And Lord, please don't let that 11 o'clock patient be late because you know the chaos that will cause. Here's what it looks like in real life: you walk into the practice, that schedule's packed out, someone calls out. The doctor is already in a mood. You sit through the huddle wondering what even is the point, like it's an inconvenience. You got stuff to do. Nobody says anything, but you can feel it. That tension, that is not a scheduling issue. That's eight different nervous systems walking into the room already dysregulated. Here's some other ways this actually shows up in our dental practices. On a normal, random Wednesday afternoon, the front desk gets a little impatient with a patient on the phone. Not full on rude, just that tone. You know the one, a little snappy, a little, uh, I've said this 14 times already today. Or the assistant forgets something simple, like the shade or the room isn't fully turned over, or something didn't get restocked. And you're like, wait, we do this every day. How did that get missed? Hygiene is waiting for the doctor and starts running behind. Now everyone is kind of off. Nobody says anything directly, but you can feel it. Someone asks a question and you can hear in your own voice. You're answering, but you're also irritated and you're thinking, I cannot answer one more question today. And that turns into, can't they just leave me alone and do their jobs? And then there's that moment where you catch yourself, you don't say it out loud. It's just spinning around in your head, in between everything else going on. Why does it feel like I can't get ahead no matter how fast I'm moving? How did we already get behind this early? Why does one little thing turn into five more things? I swear I just fixed this. Why is this happening again? Why do I feel so rushed, but also like nothing's actually getting done? How am I already this tired? It's not even lunch. Why does everything feel so urgent all at once? Can I just finish one thing without getting interrupted? And then there's the more subtle questions. Why does this feel so heavy today? Why can't I shape this feeling? And that's the moment. It's not a blow-up, it's not anything dramatic. It's just that steady building pressure where you can feel the day starting to get away from you. And nobody deals with this part. It's not in meetings, not in huddles, not even to each other. It's not that people are bad at their job. It's not that the systems are completely broken. It's that everyone's just in that go mode all day, handling that next thing, then the next, without ever stopping to regroup. And when that becomes the baseline, of course people get snippy, things get missed, communication gets weird, and everything feels harder than it should. So yeah, it looks like a people problem, but it's really a bunch of really good people trying to function at a high level with a brain that's tapped out and running on this outdated autopilot mental operating system. And once you see that, you stop taking everything so personally and you start seeing what you can actually change. You're not simply working in or managing a dental practice. We're managing and working with human brains, human emotions, human patterns. I remember back in the day we had this processor. I mean, that thing was a lemon, seemed like it was always acting up. We didn't sit there and take it personally. We'd say, okay, what's going on with it? We'd troubleshoot it, figure it out, and fix it. But with people, it's not that simple because you've got hearts, you've got brains, you've got personalities, emotions, stress, all in the mix. And if those aren't supported, no amount of team meetings, performance reviews, pizza parties, scented candles, new software, scripts, bonuses, that's not gonna work. It's like putting out the same fire all day instead of figuring out what keeps starting it. So let's bring this all together. Let's zoom out for a second and look at what's really going on during the day with this mental operating system we're working with, even though we didn't even know that's what it was. You've got this brain that's already tapped out by mid-morning, little things piling up that nobody has time to deal with, and the same reactions happening over and over, just different situations. So, of course, it ends up feeling like you have to repeat yourself more than you ever wanted to. There are little bits of tension you can't quite explain. Stuff gets missed that normally wouldn't, and you end up feeling like you're putting in way more effort than you should have to. It's not one big thing blowing up your day, it's all the little human moments stacking on top of each other all day long. And once you start seeing it that way, you can stop going straight to why is everyone in a mood? Why is this place always like this? What's wrong with everyone today? You start thinking something more like, you know what? I think we're all a little bit fried right now. Or maybe, yeah, this day is starting to get away from us. We need to bring it back together. And that small shift, that's when you can stop making this whole big thing and the day doesn't spiral the way it normally would. So let's talk about how all of this leads to burnout, like the real reason. Burnout is not doing too much work, it's this it's doing hard things with an unsupported brain in an emotionally unprocessed environment while running survival-based habits. Of course, you're exhausted. Anybody would be. Now, let's talk about what a healthy mental operating system looks like. Like you're gonna upgrade to the newest version, get rid of some of those glitches, some of those bugs. Not gonna be perfect, not gonna be a quiet environment, not gonna be stress-free. Let's be honest, it's still a dental practice. You're still gonna run behind sometimes. You're still gonna be dealing with patients who look, they're a lot. You're still gonna be juggling a million things at once. But when you have a healthy mental operating system, it feels different. It's not as heavy, it's not as tense, it's not like everyone's one comment away from snapping. So here's what that looks like. First of all, people know when their brain is spinning out. Instead of that silent spiral, we're so behind, this day is a disaster, there's no way we're catching up. You're gonna hear things like, hey, I'm getting a little frazzled. Give me just a second. Let's just reset for a minute and figure out the next step. Nobody's pretending they're fine, but we're also not making it worse. Second, stuff just doesn't sit there all day. Instead of carrying everything around like a backpack full of bricks, people can get clear on things as they go. Imagine if you could say, hey, look, that came off a little sharper earlier. Are we good? Or maybe you can say, I think I misunderstood that. Can we go over that again? It's quick, it's not a big deal, and then it's done. Not dragged out over the next five patients. And then number three, people don't just default to those usual patterns. Listen, this is the biggest shift. Instead of saying yes when you're really overwhelmed, instead of staying quiet and then getting annoyed later, instead of trying to handle everything yourself, you're gonna start hearing and saying things like, I need help with this. Can someone jump in? We can't squeeze that in without throwing everything off. Let's push that instead of cramming it in. Not rude, not dramatic, just honest. And then number four, communication is simple and clear. Listen, I'm gonna say something that might ruffle a few feathers. All this disc profiles, I did all that. Enneagrams, the lion, the bear, the otter personality types. Look, those are interesting. They can give you some insight, but let's be real. They're not gonna fix your day-to-day problems in a dental practice. Because here's what actually happens. We start thinking things like, oh, she's just a high D. He's a six on the Enneagram, so you have to say it this way. And now we're tiptoeing around each other, trying to say things just right so nobody gets upset. Meanwhile, that schedule is still slammed, people are still overwhelmed, and the tension is still there. And here's the part we skip over. You can say something perfectly, and someone will still take it the wrong way. Because at the end of the day, everyone is responsible for how they take things in. So if someone's already stressed, they're already overloaded or in a mood, doesn't matter how perfectly you word it. That's why this matters more than personality types. If someone is mentally tapped out, everything hits harder. If someone's already on edge, everything feels personal. But when people are in a better head space, when their mental operating system doesn't have those glitches, you can have those same conversations, same words, totally different outcome. So, yeah, personality tools, they can be helpful, but they are not the fix. If the person is Already overwhelmed, no personality test is going to save that conversation. When the human side is solid, when people's brains aren't fried out, reactive, and on edge, all communication gets easier. Things don't escalate as fast. And the whole office feels better to be in. It is not about saying everything perfectly. It's about not being so maxed out that everything turns into a problem. Communication needs to be simple and clear. No guessing games, no side conversations, no weird tension you can't explain. No stories you make up in your head about what they were really thinking or assume what they meant. Instead of, I thought you were doing that. Nobody told me this. Why is it this way? It's more like, who's got this? What's the plan here? Let's decide and move on. And this is the difference you can actually start to feel. Here's how you know this is working. You're still busy, but you're not mentally fried by lunch. Things still go wrong, but they don't turn into this whole mood. People can still get irritated, but it doesn't have to consume the entire day. And this is the biggest one. You're not driving home, replaying everything over in your mind and feeling irritated for no reason. Actually, I hope you can see this. It's never for no reason. It's because of the reasons you weren't aware of before. Look, a healthy team isn't one where nothing goes wrong. It's a team where stuff goes wrong, but it doesn't turn into a big dramatic mess. That's the standard, not perfect. Just not making little things bigger than they need to be. So, what can you do like tomorrow? Let's make this super practical. You don't need a team retreat, you don't need a six-week training. You just need to start noticing what's actually happening during the day. Number one, say what's actually going on instead of keeping it all in or silently losing it. Because right now, what do we do? We think this day is a mess. We're so behind. Everyone's in a mood. But nobody says anything out loud. So everyone just assumes it's them. Try this instead. Not casually, not weird. Just something like, okay, we're a little all over the place this morning. Or maybe you say something like, feels like one of those days already. That's it. You're not fixing it. You're just calling it out so everyone can stop pretending everything's fine when it's clearly not. Second, change how you open the morning huddle. Just a little bit. You don't need some big speech, but instead of jumping straight into the production, the collections, we got 23 patients, we're double booked here, doctor has to leave early. Try adding just one real sentence. All right, today's a little tight. Let's just say flexible and help each other out. Or maybe you could say something like, if things get weird today, we'll just adjust as we go. Okay? Everybody good with that? That one sentence alone takes the edge off. Because now everyone's not bracing for impact. When you see it this way, you can actually fix what's making the schedule feel like a mess in the first place instead of making it about the person who's speaking up about it. Because you know most of the time that's the person who's overwhelmed, who's frustrated, and already halfway thinking about finding another job. And then number three, build in one reset moment because you need it. Not meditation, not anything fancy, just a quick reset when things start to go sideways. It could be something like, you know, after a rough patient, when you're running behind, when you feel yourself getting snappy. It could be as simple as just stepping inside the supply room for 30 seconds. Maybe it's taking one deep breath before you answer someone. Maybe it's saying, hold on a sec, instead of reacting immediately, you might even want to keep a stress ball in your scrub jacket pocket. Because right now, everything is reaction, reaction, reaction. You just need one tiny break in that chain. And then number four, stop assuming everybody has some secret meaning behind stuff. This one's gonna save you a ton of mental energy. And every person on the team can do this right now, today. Because in a dental office, it's really easy to go there. You know, the doctor sounds snippy, they're annoyed with me. Someone forgets something, they don't care. Front desk has a tone. She got an attitude today. But half the time, it's more like they're running behind. They didn't sleep, they're juggling too much, and their brain is just done. So instead of immediately going there, try something like they're probably just having a moment. That's it. You don't need to analyze it, you don't need to fix it. Just don't pile more meaning on top of it. Look, you don't need to change everything tomorrow. You just need to pay attention to what's already happening while you're in it. Because most of the day doesn't fall apart over big things. It's all the little stuff that stacks up and then turns into those big things. And if you take nothing else from this episode, please hear me. You don't need a better team, you don't need better systems. You need to understand your mental operating system. Because when the humans are supported, when that brain is supported, everything else works better. The systems, the communication, the patient experience, the results you get. But this is the part nobody ever taught you. And honestly, once that clicks, a lot of your days start to make a lot more sense. You start seeing why things feel the way they do. And you don't look at your day or your team the same way anymore. And look, if you're listening to this and thinking, oh yeah, that is literally my office, then don't go in tomorrow trying to fix everybody. Don't go in trying to overhaul the schedule or some big team talk. Just watch. Pay attention to what's actually happening during the day. Like when the morning starts to feel a little behind, you can feel everyone tighten up. Someone asks a simple question and you hear that edginess in the response. The doctor walks in and you can instantly tell what kind of mood it's going to be. A patient throws things off and now the whole flow feels weird. Or you catch yourself getting irritated way faster than you normally would. So instead of going straight to this place is a mess, she's got an attitude, nobody's on the same page, just pause for a second and think, okay, what's actually going on right now? Like we're behind and everybody's feeling it. That was a stressful patient. No wonder that felt tense. We've all been getting interrupted for the last hour and a half straight. Even with yourself, you can notice, okay, I'm getting a little snappy. I haven't stopped moving since I got here. My brain is fried out right now because that's the shift. It's not fixing the schedule, it's not fixing the people, it's just understanding what's really fueling all of that and paying attention to it in real time instead of analyzing it and being judgy after the fact. And I promise you, when you start noticing it in real time, things don't escalate the same way. You don't take everything so personally, and the whole day doesn't feel so stressful. You're still doing the same job. It just doesn't feel so exhausting anymore. Don't just listen to this and then go back to your day like nothing changed. Because this is fixable and you don't have to figure it out on your own. That is exactly why I created my free Facebook group, Beyond Dental Burnout. It's a place where dental team members are talking about this kind of stuff, the real day-to-day reality, not just the clinical, not just the numbers. You're going to find people who get what your day actually feels like. Conversations that make you feel less alone, simple ways to handle the mental side of the job while you're in it. So if you're tired of walking out to the car at the end of the day feeling like, what just happened? I want you to come join us. Go over to Facebook and search Beyond Dental Burnout or check the link in the show notes because you don't need to leave dentistry to feel better in it. You just have to have a better operating system in your brain to handle it. I want you to have a fabulous week. I'll see you in the Facebook group and on next week's episode. Bye. Hey, have you had a chance to download your free copy of my mental hygiene checklist yet? Visit Beth HeilmanCoing.com to get your copy. It teaches you the practical skills you need to achieve the same level of excellent mental hygiene as your dental hygiene. Don't miss out on this valuable resource for both your personal and professional growth.