Episode 161. What is Excellent Mental Health...And Do You Have It?

You can describe excellent dental health in two seconds flat. Healthy gums, no decay, everything stable. You do it every day.

But excellent mental health? Most people pause — and then say something like, "I mean… I'm fine. I don't have anxiety."

That's like saying "my teeth don't hurt, so everything must be great." And you know better than anyone that's not how it works.

In this episode, we're getting honest about what mental health actually is, what it looks like in your real day, and how you'd even know if yours was actually good — not just "fine."

If you've been telling yourself it's just a busy season but can't remember the last time it didn't feel this way, this one's for you.

HEY THERE! LET'S CONNECT...I'D LOVE TO GET TO KNOW YOU BETTER!

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Transcript

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Hey, and I'm really glad you're here. And I mean that. Not in a just this is something you say at the top of a podcast kind of way. If you found this, if you press play, if you carved out even 10 minutes in what I'm guessing is a pretty packed day, that matters. So genuinely, thank you for being here. Look, May is mental health awareness month. And every year you see the post, the graphics, the reminders, go check on someone. And that stuff isn't wrong. But I want to do something different today. I want to talk about what mental health actually is. Not the textbook version, not the awareness campaign version, the version that actually applies to your real life, your every day. The one where you walked in this morning, you looked at that schedule, and you already are calculating whether we are going to be able to survive the day or not. I want to talk about how you'd even know if your mental health is good. Because most of us have never actually thought about that. We've thought about whether something is wrong, but not whether things are actually right. And that's where we're going to start today. So let's get started. Welcome to the Dental Life Podcast, where we explore how you can have both a successful career and a meaningful personal life in and outside of your practices without sacrificing one for the other. I'm your host, Beth Highland, former dental office manager, Turn Certified Life and Health coach, and I'm here to help you navigate the challenges and opportunities that come from being a dental professional. Let's get started. I want to begin with a question, and I want you to actually answer it in your head. Don't just let it wash over you. What is excellent dental health? Go ahead. I'll wait. I'm guessing it took you about a half a second to answer that. No decay, healthy gums, no infection, no inflammation. Everything is stable, everything's functioning the way it's supposed to. You might have even gone into occlusion, paradontal health, maybe aesthetics. You talk about this every single day. You explain it to your patients constantly. You could probably do it in your sleep. Now let me ask you something else. What is excellent mental health? Take a second. Really try to answer it. Most people take a beat. They don't know how to answer that. There's this moment you can almost feel where their gears slow down. And then what actually comes out might sound something like, I mean, I'm fine. I don't have anxiety. I'm not depressed or anything like that. And then people kind of shrug and move on. Like the absence of the problem is the same as actually being well. Here's what's so interesting about that. That's almost exactly like saying, My teeth don't hurt, so everything must be great. And you know better than anyone in this room. That's not how it works. You have patients come in who haven't had a toothache in years. There's no pain, no obvious problems. And then you take one look in their mouth and you see recession, you see bone loss, you see a bite that's been grinding itself down for a decade. Nothing hurts them, but something was absolutely happening. Look, you could have no cavities and still not be taking care of your teeth. You could have no diagnosis mentally and still feel completely overwhelmed by your life. And this is the gap that I think a lot of people fall into, especially people like you who are high functioning, who are great at their jobs, who show up every day and handle it. Because from the outside, everything looks fine. You're doing your job, you're managing that schedule, you're keeping things together. But on the inside, it doesn't feel fine. And I want to get very specific here because I think this is the part that actually makes you understand it, or maybe even get called out a little bit, but in a good way. This is what not fine looks like in a dental office. You walk in, and the first thing you do, before you even take your jacket off, before you put your scraps on, you pull up the schedule. And within about 30 seconds, you already are doing the math in your head. You're like, okay, doctor is double booked at two. We've got a new patient at 10 who filled out the paperwork all wrong. Both hygiene columns are packed. And if anything runs late before lunch, we're going to be playing ketchup all afternoon. You haven't even had a cup of coffee yet. Or you're in the middle of a conversation with a patient. You're smiling, you're nodding, doing your job, but in the back of your head, you're already dissecting why hygiene is running 12 minutes behind, and the next patient just checked in early. You get a message from your doctor or one of your coworkers. It's short, it's kind of snippy. So you read it twice, then you read it again, trying to figure out if they're annoyed at you, if you did something wrong, if there's a conversation coming that you need to prepare for. Then you tell yourself, I'll just deal with that after lunch. Meaning the thing you've been putting off, the conversation you need to have, the system that isn't working, the thing you emailed yourself about last Tuesday. And then lunch is a seven-minute protein bar at the front desk, and by 1 p.m., the afternoon has already taken over. That thing gets pushed to tomorrow and then tomorrow and then tomorrow. And eventually it just lives in your mental list of things you're vaguely stressed about. Or here's another way it shows up. You get that rare quiet moment, like the stars align, and you actually have five minutes. But instead of taking a breath, your brain immediately starts cycling through everything that's not done, everything that could go wrong, everything you're forgetting. And you notice that it's just easier to do things yourself. It's easier than explaining, easier than delegating, easier than that anxiety of watching someone do it completely differently and having to resist the urge to redo it. And then you drive home, you don't turn on the music, not because you want quiet, but because your brain is so loud already that adding anything else just feels like too much. And then you sit down at night, fully intending to relax. Maybe watch something on TV, maybe just exist for a moment. And instead, you end up on your phone, scrolling, not even really enjoying anything, just trying to find something that makes your brain finally turn off. You wake up and before you've even fully registered that you're awake, you're already thinking about work, already running through what's on the schedule, already building that mental to-do list before your feet even hit the floor. And here's the one really gets people. You start thinking, I shouldn't feel this tired. It wasn't even that bad of a day. You've certainly had harder days. You've handled worse. So why do you feel like you just ran a marathon? And underneath all of that, there's this quiet, slow realization. You've gotten really good at handling everything. You're genuinely good at your job. People rely on you. Things would fall apart without you. But you don't feel like you're actually getting anywhere. And you keep telling yourself it's just a season, that things will slow down, that once you get through this stretch, it'll be different. But you genuinely remember the last time you didn't feel this way. So you land on the only explanation that makes sense. This is just normal. This is how dentistry is. And maybe it is common. I'll give you that. A lot of people feel that way. But common and normal are not the same thing. And common definitely doesn't mean things are working. But what is it? What is mental health really? Let's actually answer that question. Because I think one of the reasons mental health stays this vague, fuzzy concept is that no one ever really defines it in plain language. We hear the phrase constantly and we just kind of absorb it without pinning it down. So if I said to you, mental health is your emotional, psychological, and social well-being, you'd nod, sure, okay. And then you'd have no idea what to do with that in your actual day-to-day life. So here's how I like to think about it. And I want you to really sit with this. Mental health is how you think, it's how you feel, it's how you act, it's how you handle your life while you're living it. That's it. That's the whole thing. It's your thoughts, the ones running in the background all day long, the ones that narrate your life, the ones that tell you whether you're enough or not enough, or falling behind, or just scrubbing it all up. It's your emotions, the ones you actually feel, and the ones you've gotten really good at pushing down because there's just no time, no space, and you've got a reception room full of patients. It's your reactions, especially when you're under pressure, especially when the schedule blows up, or when someone says something sideways, or things just go wrong in that way, and then everything is happening at once. It's your relationship, how you actually show up with your team, with your doctor, with your family at the end of the day, when you've already given everything you have. It's your decision, big and small, whether you can think clearly when it matters or when your brain is so fried out, even the small choices feel too heavy. And it's your ability to function, not just on the easy days, but on the hard ones. When everything is fine, anyone can function. The question is what happens when it's not. Now, here's the piece most people skip over. Mental health is not one thing. It's actually a spectrum. On one end, and this is the part we're all familiar with, there is mental illness, there's depression, there's anxiety, panic attacks, PTSD, OCD, ADHD, bipolar. These are real conditions. They affect real people, they need real support and treatment. I am not minimizing any of that. But here's where I want to spend some time today, because most of you listening to this don't have a diagnosis. And yet, if you're being honest, you're not exactly thriving either. Because in the middle of that spectrum, and this is where the vast majority of us actually live, it's a whole lot of stuff that doesn't have a label that it absolutely affects your life. Stress that never turns off. Not the dramatic crisis kind of stress, just the low hum of it. Always there, always running in the background. Burnout that built so slowly you didn't even notice it until one day you woke up and you realized you couldn't even remember the last time you actually felt good at the end of a workday. There's emotional exhaustion, that specific kind of tire that sleep just doesn't fix. You're feeling overwhelmed by things that aren't even really big, like your nervous system is just always slightly too full, or you feel stuck, like you're doing everything right, but somehow not moving. None of that has a diagnosis code. None of that would show up in a screening, but all of it is mental health. All of it counts. And here's where the dental parallel comes back in. And I love this one. You know those patients who come in and they say their gums always bleed when they brush. They just figured that was normal. Everybody's gums do that, right? They've been living with it so long, it just became their baseline. They stopped questioning it because it was always there. That's exactly what happens with our mental health. You feel mentally exhausted all the time. And at some point, you stop asking why. You just assume that's how it is. You feel off, but you can't point to anything specific. So you're filing under, I'm just tired, and you just keep going. You've lost energy for things outside of her, you're more reactive than you used to be. You're putting off things that actually matter, and you've just accepted it as part of the deal. But it's not. It's just become your baseline, and you deserve better than baseline. So let me make this really concrete because I don't want this to stay abstract anymore. When I ask, do you have excellent mental health? I'm not asking whether you have a diagnosis. I'm asking how your system is actually working in your day-to-day, in real life. Things like when something throws off the schedule, maybe it's a no-show, a patient who takes twice as long, the doctor who's running behind, how do you recover? Does that stay as one disruption, or does it affect the entire rest of your day? When you feel yourself getting irritated or overwhelmed, do you notice it early enough to do something about it? Or does it build quietly until something finally tips you over? When your doctor is stressed or a coworker comes in already in a mood, can you stay out of that? Or does their energy get into your nervous system and it follows you around all day long? Or when it's the kind of afternoon that everyone needs something at the same time, can you stay focused on what actually matters? Or does your brain start bouncing between things and you end up feeling scattered and behind, even if you technically got everything done? When you say you're going to do something to yourself, work out, call a friend, actually take a lunch break, do you follow through? Or does it keep getting postponed until it quietly disappears? Or when something doesn't go well, maybe it's a hard conversation, a patient complaint, a mistake you've made, can you actually move on? Or do you still replay it in your mind at 10 p.m. when you're trying to fall asleep? Can you sit down at the end of the day and actually let it go? Or is your brain still spinning through everything that happened, everything you said, everything you should have done differently? And here's one I want you to really sit with. When you think about the last few days at work, did they feel like something you were part of creating, or something that you were just trying to keep up with? These are the real questions. That's what mental health looks like up close. And here's the thing: it's just like in dentistry. We're not just looking for problems. We're looking at how the whole system is functioning together. You could have no cavities and still not be doing what you need to be doing at home. You could be fine and still not be in a good place mentally. I also want to take a minute here and explain why this is so hard. Because I think a lot of people carry this quiet shame around it, the sense of I should be able to handle this better. And I just want to break that down. Your mental health doesn't exist in a vacuum. It's being shaped by a lot of things at once. There's your biology, your brain chemistry, your nervous system, the way you're literally wired to respond to stress. Some people have a nervous system that resets faster. Some don't. That's not a character flaw. That's physiology. There's your history, things you've been through, stress that's accumulated over years, experiences that taught your brain certain things were dangerous or overwhelming, even when they technically aren't anymore. And then there's your environment. And this one is huge because denim offices are genuinely high stress environment. You're managing people, patients who are anxious or in pain, co-workers who have their own stuff going on, a doctor who has their own pressure they're living with. You're managing time, that schedule that has zero tolerance for anything going wrong. You're managing conflict, the patient who's unhappy, the insurance that denied the claim, the teen dynamic that's quietly not working. And you're doing all of that in close quarters with no real downtime for eight, nine hours straight. And then you're supposed to go home to be a full person after that. So if you've ever thought, why does this feel so hard for me? The answer isn't that something is wrong with you. The answer is that you're carrying a lot. I like to think of it like rocks in a backpack. You're doing all of that in an environment that demands a lot with very few tools for actually managing any of it. That's the real problem. And because no one ever gave us those tools, we figured out some stuff with our own workarounds. And I want to name them because I think you'll recognize yourself in at least one of these. We think we just need to take a break. So you take time off. You go on a vacation, maybe a real one, or maybe just a long weekend. You slept in, you stayed away from your phone, and it helped. It genuinely helped. For a few days, you actually felt like a human being again. And then you went back. And within two days, sometimes within two hours, it was like that break never happened because nothing actually changed. The schedule, still the schedule. Those team dynamics, still the team dynamics. The mental patterns you walked in with were still running those same loops. Look, rest is necessary. Rest is not a solution. Another thing that we think, once things calm down, after this week, after we get through the next month, after we hire someone, after the doctor figures out what they want to do with the schedule, once the busy season is over, here's the thing about dentistry there's always a busy season. There's always something. And the people who are waiting for things to calm down before they start feeling better are going to be waiting for a long time. There's also the I'll fix what's around me, new systems, new software, a better morning huddle, better protocols, more training for the team. And that stuff does help, like genuinely. Operational improvements matter. But you've had slow days, you've had days where the schedule was light and nothing went wrong. And you still went home exhausted, still felt that heaviness, still couldn't fully turn it off. Because the problem isn't only the systems, the problem is also what's happening inside you while you're running those systems. And then there's the positivity. I just need to be more positive. You give yourself that pep talk. You've tried that mindset thing. You've told yourself to focus on the good. You kept it together at work. You smiled when you really didn't feel like it. You didn't let people see all of it. But underneath all that, you were still tired, still frustrated, still feeling like something was off. You just got better at covering it up. And covering something up is not the same as dealing with it. And then there's the one most of us default to. You just push through because that's what you did. You handle it, you figure it out, you keep going. You're the person people can rely on. So you show up, you handle it, and you don't fall apart in front of everyone. But you never actually reset. You just keep going until one day you realize. I don't even feel like myself anymore. And then the thought that may be the most painful at all. Maybe this is just how it is. Maybe it's me. Maybe I'm just not cut out for this. And I want to say this as clearly as possible. There is nothing wrong with you. You've been trying to solve the problem with the only tools you were ever given. And those tools, rest, positive thinking, pushing through, they're not wrong. They're just incomplete. Because no one ever taught you how to actually handle your brain while you're living your life. That's not your fault, but it is something you can change. I want to tell you about the moment this all came together for me. I was at the front desk one morning. It was a totally ordinary morning. I was printing home care instructions for our hygiene patients. And I was kind of on autopilot, just doing the thing. And then it hit me. Our patients don't just hope their teeth stay healthy. They have a plan. They come in regularly, they learn what to do at home, they practice those skills, they follow through. And when they do, things genuinely get better. And I thought, why don't we do that for our minds? Why are we just white knuckling our way through every week, hoping things will eventually feel better? Dental health does not improve by hoping, it improves by learning the skills and actually doing them. That's why I created my Dental Life Mastery membership so that you can learn those skills. Mental health works the same way. And once I understood that, once I stopped thinking of mental health as something that either was or wasn't a problem and started thinking of it as a set of skills that I could actually learn and practice, everything changed. And I want to give you a real picture of what we're actually working toward here. Not some perfect, unattainable version of having it all together. Excellent mental health doesn't mean you're happy all the time. That is just not realistic. And honestly, if someone tells you they're happy all the time, they're either not paying attention or they're not being honest with you. It looks more like this. You can actually feel the things, the frustration, the stress, the disappointment, but they don't take you out. You feel them, you process them, and you keep moving. Also, you can tell the difference between what's in your control and what's not. When the doctor is having a bad day, sure, you can have empathy for them. But their energy doesn't have to become your energy. When something doesn't go well, you can clearly look at it and go, yeah, that didn't go so well. Here's what I can do differently, without turning it into this story about who you are as a person. And you follow through on things you said you do for yourself, not perfectly, but consistently enough that you actually trust yourself again. And you don't feel like you need to escape your life all the time. Your life doesn't feel like something you're just enduring. It feels like something you are actually living. And you have something in front of you that you're moving toward. Something that gives those hard days a point. Not perfectly, just steady, just consistently. That's the goal. So here's where I want to land. There are a lot of things you could do to feel better. A lot of advice out there, a lot of tips, a lot of hacks. Some of it is genuinely useful. But what actually changes things, what creates a real lasting shift is learning the skills. The skills of managing your mind, of managing your nervous system when things go sideways. The skill of catching your thoughts before they spiral out of control. The skill of processing a hard day instead of carrying it into the next one. The skill of setting a limit without the guilt that usually follows. The skill of following through on yourself, not just on your job, not just on your patient, but on you. These skills are learnable. They're not complicated, but no one teaches them. Have you ever seen that in a dental assistant school? Hygiene programs? Never have I seen it in any office manager training I've ever heard of. But that's exactly what I built dental life mastery membership around. 10 skills, real life, no therapy speak, no fluff, just practical tools for handling your actual day differently. If you've been listening to this and quietly thinking, yeah, something needs to change, that's not an accident. That's you knowing something. You don't have to keep figuring this out on your own. You don't need a different job. You don't need everything to slow down first. You don't need to wait for the right season or the right circumstances or for things to finally get easier. You just need to learn how to handle your life while you're living it. And once you start doing that, once those skills become part of who you are and how you operate, everything starts to feel different. Not perfect, just yours again. All right, that's what I have for you this week. I hope to see you on next week's episode. Have a fabulous week. Bye. Hey, have you had a chance to download your free copy of my mental hygiene checklist yet? Visit Beth HeilmanCoaching.com to get your copy. It teaches you the practical skills you need to achieve the same level of excellent mental hygiene as your dental hygiene. Don't miss out on this valuable resource for both your personal and professional growth.