Raising Emotionally Strong Kids: Boundaries, Joy & the Magic of Self-Trust (with Terry Bean)

his episode of Life of Love is a heartfelt conversation for parents, caregivers, educators—and anyone healing their inner child. 

Julie Hilsen is joined by Terry Bean, author of Abracadabra, to explore how children (and adults) can build emotional resilience, self-trust, and joy—without pressure, perfectionism, or constant comparison. 

Together, they explore: 

• How children absorb emotional energy and language
• Why boundaries create safety (not separation)
• How play, imagination, and “magic” support emotional intelligence
• Parenting without control, guilt, or burnout
• Teaching kids self-trust instead of approval-seeking
• Why happiness is a skill—not a reward

Terry shares her journey caring for her 91-year-old mother, how childhood experiences shaped her work, and why teaching kids the power of thoughts early can transform generations.
 
✨ This episode is especially supportive if you’re:
 

• Parenting young or sensitive children
• Navigating family dynamics or caregiving
• Wanting calmer, more connected relationships
• Healing your own inner child while raising kids
• Seeking practical emotional tools rooted in love, not fear

🔔 Subscribe for heart-centered conversations on parenting, relationships, self-trust, and living a life of love.
 
📚 Learn more about Terry’s work: 
 http://terrybeanauthor.com

Transcript

0:05

Hello, dear friends and welcome to Life of Love. We gather to explore our hearts, explore our curiosity and settle into our life of love however it looks today. I honor your ears and your hearts as you connect with our messages. And I'm not doing weekly podcasts so much anymore, but every time we connect, I appreciate you tuning in and sharing these messages. Adding to this light grid, you know, we talked about Indra's net and how there's jewels around us, around us in the world, and we can connect our energy to these jewels. And that spreads our love and connects us to other people who have the same energy and purpose. So you're not alone. And I honor you being here and sharing these messages in this beautiful community that we've grown together. So thank you and thank you for sharing. Really excited today to come together with you and Miss Terry Bean. She is coming from New York City and she's got some great messages. But first I'm gonna do what I do and I'm gonna call in my team and we're gonna set an intention. So bear with me if you're new to the show, if you're old, you know the routine, we're gonna get settled in our seats. And if you're at a place you can shut down and not pay attention, do it. But if you're driving, please just keep, or operating machinery or anything, just keep safe. I'm gonna just settle in and let my feet hit the ground and connect my heart to my feet and Mother Gaia. and connect my head to this beautiful beam of iridescent golden light that's coming from my soul and my higher self. And I'll let those two energies combine in my heart and my solar plexus around those areas. And I invite you to connect to this energy. This is source. This is your ability to feel grounded and supported no matter what's going on out there. This is your safe haven. And this is something you can connect to at any time to find peace. All right, I'm calling in my guides. I'm calling in Terry's guides if they feel like they want to collaborate today in this space. We're creating this container to share and to radiate messages of inspiration, of hope, of resource. and you are held and we are held and this is a wonderful, I'm seeing like this emerald green container and green represents the heart chakra. So this is a special, special place to be right now and we're all held and I hope you feel it. I thank you, thank you, thank you for bringing this together. I thank the resources and I ask God, goddess and creator. to bring forth the message for the highest good for every person listening. Help us to have the Holy Spirit infuse this message to help it reach the ears which need to hear and the hearts that wish to soften. And so it is. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Oh. Thank you. It's been a... with you after our preview conversation. my goodness, such joy. And it's always an honor to collaborate and connect and you're doing some really great things. Guys, Terry is, she does Abracadabra and I'm going to let her explain her purpose and what she's doing so tell us about what's going on for you there and how life of love reflects in your heart. And then we're gonna go from there, because it's just a loving conversation. Wow, okay, so where to begin? Yes, I am here in New York, freezing New York when you wanna know what's happening now, right? It's very, very cold. And I was living in Florida for close to 30 years and my sister and I kind of switched positions. She was up here and now I'm up here with mom and mom's 91. She's a true New Yorker at heart. So it is challenging. She's a challenging woman, but she's also super fun. And I think at the stage of my life, I learned to shift my perspective around her and living with her and being with her and taking care of her. Where I understand how important it is to respect the fact that it's her journey. It's her journey. What if she chooses whatever she's doing at 91 and whatever she's done in the I have no business judging it whatsoever. So I give her that leeway and she has certain expectations of course and I get it. Yet to live with anybody, I don't care at whatever stage we're in, we need to set up our boundaries and our agreements and that's something I have done with her. You know, at 91, she forgets here and there, but the bottom line is that it's working and I feel tremendous gratitude to have her in my life and to be able to play with her right now at 91 and try to make things better and easier. I mean, that's what I'm here for. So that's mom. And what a great, what a great insight that, you know, it's with all relationships coming with this neutrality of these are my needs, these are my boundaries. I'm not coming with a charge of expectation. I'm coming with this is what I need. I guess what I'm getting at is when you're setting a boundary, if you can do it from neutrality versus when you're so frustrated that you are forced to set up a boundary. You know what saying? That if you can express a need, without being in a state of reactivity that you're just saying, hey, when you boss me around, I feel taken for granted. And it's not like you're crying, you boss me around, take me for granted. You're saying, yeah, you're bossing me around and you're neutral with their behavior. This is like neutrality. You're like, this is what I've observed and I need something different to. to be happy and I just want to be happy with you and maybe that's that's what it is coming from what what your what your need is and finding out what their need is. So what a great lesson and it's timeless. I mean to get it with your mom too as a gift. Yeah, yeah. So I think it's a gift that we're both in a way giving each other and looking for the fun. And I stepped into that position as a daughter who was in a blended family. So both my parents were divorced previously, came together, then had me. So I have sisters and brothers from that to end. So for me, I'm the youngest and I'm the one who wanted to mediate a bit of what was happening and all I wanted was happiness. That's all I wanted. So being around a bit of chaos and argument, I think just catapulted me into the world of understanding that it was up to me to to choose happiness. was up to me to think in a certain way so I can create the world I wanted, which was more of a happy world. And that's been me kind of all the way along. Not to say I haven't bumped into some very serious things in my life, but everything for me has been a journey and everything for me has been a learning curve. you know, okay, so what did I get out of that? Right now I'm taking a wonderful course in positive intelligence and learning a little bit more about myself and how I'm being and reacting and such and very interesting things. So Abracadabra was written 14 years ago. over 14 years ago and is coming to life now, which is absolutely surreal. And it's got to be for any author who's done that kind of work and takes a piece that's now being created after so many years. And when it's in my hand, which when I have it in my hand, I flip my lid, right? It's just so, and I have the coloring book as well. And A friend of mine who was listening to me on a podcast, Julie, a month and a half ago now said, Bean, as they call me, Bean, I didn't realize you went through so much as a little girl because she didn't know me then. She knew me at 17. And I said, yeah, Allie, I did. And she said, she said, now I understand why you wrote the book. Now I never got in my brain that I wrote it for my own inner child. I always thought I wrote it because of the experience I was experiencing then in my life, which was a bit of cynicism and such around me, right? But then when I opened the book, I said, my God, it really is. It's taught to my inner child. And it's really about a bit about what I went through, which as you could see, Danny, my character is looking in the lake at her image. and she is running from her home where her parents are arguing. So that's the first page, which is quite unusual for a children's book. But the image in the lake becomes her sage, starts talking to her about her state of mind and being happy and what it means to be happy and how she can create a life that she loves. And my vision with AbraCadabra is that the more we teach children and are there... Okay. to be themselves and build lives and build lives that they truly love, unlike 86 % by the way of adults in, and that's a stat here in the United States, do not love their life. So if we start at a young age and they start building and creating lives, because they're trusting themselves to do so, they will grow into happier, kinder, and more connected adults. And that is truly the legacy as I live now that I'm leaving and that I want to leave once I'm gone. Yeah, you're right. You're right. children, because I mean, we can talk to the adults and tell them, but there's layers on it. And it's a beautiful message for it's universal. Don't get me wrong. But the children get a new start. And I really do feel they're ready to take it on because the fear the fear, dialogue, whatever, overlay is coming down. And so these opportunities and these chances are there for these young children and these little star seeds that are coming in. These children seem more wise than we ever were. They see through things and they're sparkly. And so to foster that sparkle and they're, you know, even you're providing wands, you know, it's like hebra-cadabra. So is it like a framework where they say, Okay, I'm going to be authentic with how I'm feeling and, and let my magic wand help me get through this authentically or, or give us a little snapshot into what the wands mean to you and how you're encouraging, you know, children or anybody. I mean, we can always tap into magic, but for the children, how are you, how are you bringing it to their, their consciousness and what are you seeing when, when you're showing kids this? So I think the wands itself make it playful, right? So for me, it's like when I went to Harry Potter world and I was a Harry Potter fanatic and I just immersed myself with video and everything for four days. That's all I did. I went to the library and pulled off all the Harry Potter films and that's all I did for four days with a friend of mine. It was an amazing way to spend the four days. When I got my wand, it was so fun, you know, first of all, to choose it, which I don't know if you've been to Harry Potter world, but it's pretty crazy. And they really created Potter. It was astounding what they were able to do. The wand represents fun. The wand represents keeping the fun inside of you that I think that a lot of us adults have lost. And that's that inner child. Through Danny's journey in the book, Abracadabra, what I do is I share with children that they do have the power within them, that to trust themselves, to create some kind of a mantra. I have a mantra every day, and my mantra is everything's always working out for me, okay? I share that with Danny. Six and nine year olds don't know what a mantra is. So this is a great learning opportunity for parents and teachers to share with them what is a mantra. Right? In my coloring book, I have what are called bubble blurbs, bubble, you know, blur bubbles, I guess they're called. And what I ask the child or adult to do is to write words or phrases that they can wake up and speak aloud. Now, Again, you and I know these as affirmations. A six to nine year old doesn't know that yet. So to share that kind of information that early, and if they start getting into that habitual habit of doing that, they will be on that track of creating a life that they just, magic does start to happen. Serendipity is something that I call magic in a way, you know? It isn't. It's kind of science-based, interestingly enough. So science and magic are a little bit apart. But what's happening spiritually in our world right now is that they're kind of interlocking. People are realizing that their thoughts are extremely, extremely powerful. And again, if we teach those kids that early on, wow, I mean, you know, the world's their oyster. Many of us as adults now, I had a woman who was 50 years old and said, Tara, I wish I had read your book way long ago. She said, I just learned really the power that I have and the power of thought. And she was 50. So, and then I had my illustrator who was an incredible story of how I found him and how he really drew out a beautiful book, beautiful enough for me to take those sketches and put in a. in a coloring book and he said to me, Terry listen, I'm 22 years old. First of all, I'm the visual director of kidsbookart.com. I don't know if you know that this is a hard conversation. He said, I would not, I never take on stuff like this, but your book is probably one of the most inspiring books I've read in a long time for a children's book. And he said, and if I had this book before the age of 18 and he was 22 then he said, I wouldn't have gone through the shit I went through. So, These are powerful statements for me. These are just like validations that, okay, I'm really giving back. I'm giving back from my own source. I'm highly connected and I really wanna make that difference to people. I went through a lot when I was a kid. I had a lot of drama going on and I've given up a lot of that drama for, you know. for the ability, I think, to communicate it through Abracadabra and being able to speak it to people like you, Julie, and so many others that can bring it to the world. And that's part of why you're special is because you're taking something that was a struggle and you're creating beauty out of it by sharing and changing other people's lives. And that's magic. And I do, mean magic is just some science that hasn't been explained yet if you ask me. So expecting things to work out, that's a canvas for resource, for empowerment, and for seeing good in every situation because there is something. feel like, I feel like when people shift their focus and understand that there really is a gift in everything and everything, you know, we have, we have our brains to hold on to thoughts or hold on to people or hold on to things or, know, whatever it is yet. Mm-hmm. know, I always say, I lost my dad by the way, back in 2010. So it's been quite a while, right? And I always say, my dad is in my back pocket. And I call as you were calling, Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. in life and signs, right, that we get, and we know, we know that it's coming from them. And all I do is say, thank you very much, you know, and then I'm in awe. Hmm. The more the magic is presented to us and we just thrive and enjoy and have fun and... You know, my book says it and it was Esther Hicks who said it, life is supposed to be fun. And it really is. And adults at some point, you know, and we put it on our kids, act like an adult, you know, right? Act like an adult, be a grownup. Well, what does that mean, right? Does that mean that we lose our childlike being? No, we don't have to. And I think so many of us have because we've been taught that when you're an adult you have all those responsibilities and it becomes very serious. Come on guys, I mean who has fun in that space all the time? No way! Let's have fun with it and be super present in the moment and enjoy whoever you're talking to and give them respect and listen, listen a bit more, right? With empathy and speak with people and connect. connect with people, not with the machines and AI and all of that. That's all good. I'm not saying that's that bad. There's a place for it. But we need to get back outside and play and take our magic wands and have fun. Yeah, decide, you you can decide what responsibility means to you. You can be a dependable, fun person. I feel like so much has been polarized, either you're this or you're that, or these identities that were, you you're a mother, you have to act a certain way. Like you're a daughter, you're supposed to act, you know, like these labels. to. Right. That's right. is like every day is a chance to live the life of your dreams. Like you can decide and it can change. Life of your dreams today might be in your sweats, drinking tea and trying to get through the day and that might be the life of your dreams that day and the next day might be trying to get to Paris. Who knows? Like you decide, you decide. Follow your joy and take the steps to get to what to what your joy, you know, and have fun along the way. um following the joy and having fun along the way, that's all the process, right? So during that process and whether you're in your sweats or not is giving yourself the grace, I feel, to enjoy the moment. Like the moment doesn't have to change. doesn't, there are no shoulds in that moment. You're doing what you're doing because you're enjoying it right. But what happens is we get on this wheel. Right? Where it has to, either it has to be different or you need more. Right? We need more, we need more, we need better, we need faster. You know, more better, more faster. I had a person in my life who used to say that all the time. And it's really interesting because once we get off that wheel and slow things down a bit and enjoy, we become much more present to what we're doing right then and now. It doesn't have to be different. This is why I talk about goals very differently. People say, I have a goal. Well, here's the interesting part of a goal is once you hit whatever you're to hit, there's something next, right? There is a next. It's not good enough. Now I have to do this. Well, how about enjoying the process and enjoying whatever and also not being attached to that goal or to that whatever, right? That you... becomes your identity. And then you're judging yourself against the goal and it becomes its own entity and and you're your own entity. You're a sovereign being. You're not a slave to a goal. The goal needs to serve you. Such a great point you're making, Julie, because what it brings up for me is children. And sometimes the pressure on them is so great, whether it's in sports or education or academics, whatever it is, or friendships or, and that pressure is coming from several things. It is the caregivers, but it's also the media. It's also, you know, what's in front of them all the time. You know, of course, the social media is over the top with, you know, the competition where if we can take kids out of that competing mindset all the time and have them understand a bit more about themselves and how they think and how they make decisions. they'll be more trustworthy and they won't always look outside of themselves for the approval. So because right now they're always looking outside for the approval and the more that people in their lives who are caring for them need some kind of validity for themselves, for their children to act or be or do a certain thing or in a certain way for them to feel better. Yeah. So when we let that go as caretakers, and that's how I started our conversation, right, with my 91 year old mom, hey, do your thing, mom. If it's gonna be, you know, in that room all day, and that's what you love to do, and you love to watch TV, and you had a great time with your... with your show this morning, you know, cause she loves, and I think it's keeping her really alive, the game show channel. She just loves it, you know, and she, and she knows all the answers and she gets very excited about that. It's really cute and she has a great time with it. And it's, and it's, yeah, it's amazing. It's amazing. She's got me a bit hooked. And then I'm playing Rummy Cube with her and now she's like, she used to be horrible at math and now she's actually adding. said, so is there anything else that you need to learn? kidding me. So I'm just having, you know, I'm having fun with it. And I think that is what a lot of it is about and allowing each other their own journey. Now, of course, kids, you know, understanding certain, there are certain guidelines and like I said before, boundaries, and there are certain next, you know, agreements that we have, right, as we're bringing each other up. Because that's what we do. co- project being a parent and a kid, you know, because you learn about yourself. I was going to ask you, like, what age are kids ready to have that consciousness of realizing how they come at problem solving? Or do you, in your experience, it like, you know, at 18 months, they're asserting their independence, right? 18 months, they're like, no, myself. or they'll say something just as a joke to push the parents button. I know my hairdresser, her daughter is like telling her she wants noodles for dinner. And then when she brings her noodles, she's like, don't want noodles. She just likes to say noodles and it's a game. And then she wants to see her mom reacting. And so like, it's a real challenge. And I'm sitting here going, I remember those days. you know, it's like... the more serious you are with an 18 month to two year old, the more silly they're going to get. And I think that's where sometimes dads are better with that age because they can come home and put them upside down and just sort of shake it out, the silliness out. But you're right, it's a game. it's like, you know, what the last word you said to them, is it a positive or a negative, is it limiting or is it exploring? You know, because they're just little hearts and curious minds that want to test their environment. Like, what age, what age can you start talking about, you know, how they're problem solving or how they're looking at the world? Like, do you have any insight into that? Because I'm really curious. A little bit, a little bit, but that's not my realm. Like I'm not, you know, I don't have a doctorate or anything in that kind of, but I have some insight. And when we're really young, we're mirroring each other. So that's why the child will say what you say. They're little sponges, right? They'll say what you say. My mother says my first word was no. Well, of course it was no. You know why? Because you kept on saying no. Mm-hmm. wasn't mom or dad, it was no. you do, I think we really have to be careful of what we're saying, you know? Oh my God, Robin Williams, who I absolutely adored, had this great piece of how his son was in his backseat of his car and was driving Robin crazy because he was saying, daddy, why is the sky so blue? Daddy, why are there clouds in the side? Daddy, why? Da da da da. And then at one point, Robin Williams says, fuck it. And the kid goes, fuck it. So, I mean, you just have to, know, it's a great piece. It's on one of his programs. So. He's such a gem. I miss him so much. oh he was just brilliant in a genius kind of way. So I think children... become more reactive, hence they cry, they sense things, they sense energy, they really sense energy. So we're all energetic beings. I think we're learning more and more about that as we go on. But children still are super sponges and they're sponges until at least the age of eight and nine. Nine is kind of a cutoff when, and my book is for six to nine, because I feel like at that time, they really have the capability of understanding, you know, about words and how they can have power. The other thing with words and power and kids is that, and us, is that the more we use them, the more we believe them, right? So, A belief is just a thought we keep thinking. So as we're going through life and we're, you you're saying your mantra every day, right? You start to truly believe that. Then you're in a different space energetically. You're in more of a knowing, a knowing that things are going to work out for you. So when you have this knowing and you're coming from that place, when you're late or whatever's going on, you're saying to yourself, well, I'm late because there's probably some kind of an accident that I'm not supposed to be part of. Yep. Yep. gift, you just switch it, you shift it. And the more you do that immediately, the more we do that quickly, the more we'll train our brain to do that and think in that way. So that six to nine year old who has that ability to understand that concept, because they, and if we make it more magical, right? because that brings in that child, I think that will solidify that kind of thought process for them. And they'll really stick with it and habitually stick with that and just grow into some beautiful lives. Yeah. is, I love that foundation, that baseline. It seems like you've really gotten to the core of it and they can take that where they need to go. And you know it's really cool and we have like one minute, because I know you have a hard stop, but I was just thinking of this. You know, your hands are attached to your heart. like that meridian from your heart goes right to your hands. That's why a loving touch and all this. So you're holding the wand and the wand's connecting your heart to your desires. So that's the power of the wand and it brings in the play. So I mean, if I was wanting to like leave the audience with one thing, I would be like, pretend you have a magic wand and you're just gonna make it happen, expect it to happen, you know, like. connect to your inner heart and your childhood self with your, you know, with your, even if you don't have a wand yet, you can pretend, you can wave it around. And that does break up static in your aura. I mean, this is real stuff. I'm sorry, but I believe in this stuff. And there's a reason why wands are wands. mean, it's... And they're all different kinds, right? But what I will say is that I always say to people, instead of have a great day, make it a great day, right? Because it's really up to us to make it a great day. Now, once we understand that we have that kind of responsibility and hold ourselves accountable to it, it's a different game. It's truly a different game and it's a lot more fun. don't get pulled into someone else's bad day, because you're like, oh, that's their choice today. I'm going to be here with my good day, and that's their thing. Listening with empathy is a big thing though. So, and I'm on that learning curve a lot more too. So again, yeah, with everything. it's a, and I think as a world right now, especially right now for us to be listening with that type of ear is what we all need. You know, we really all need it and we definitely all need a sprinkle of magic. So. Well, thank you for bringing magic to life of love today. And I'll be sure to link your book and your website because guys her book and her coloring book, they're really wonderful. what a yay. I look forward to it. And hopefully we'll be able to do this again, Julie. This has been wonderful. Thank you so much. thank you dear sister. Okay, you got it.