40. When Rest Feels Unsafe

In this episode of the How to Find Joy podcast, host June Suepunpuck explores the complexities of rest and productivity, sharing her personal struggles with finding joy amidst a busy life. She discusses the societal pressures that equate self-worth with productivity and the importance of rediscovering joy in simple, unproductive moments. Through her reflections, June encourages listeners to rethink their relationship with rest and to embrace the joy that exists in being present.

Takeaways

• Rest can feel unsafe for those who are used to being productive.
• The cycle of burnout often leads to a craving for productivity.
• Joy can be found in simple, unproductive moments.
• Self-worth should not be tied to productivity.
• Resting can sometimes feel like losing control.
• Finding joy requires learning to be present without achieving.
• The hustle culture can diminish our ability to enjoy life.
• Moments of joy often come from personal connections, not achievements.
• Rethinking rest can lead to a healthier mindset.
• Joy is about giving space for our true selves to breathe.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Finding Joy
• 0:46 The Struggle with Rest
• 5:47 The Cycle of Burnout and Productivity
• 11:47 Rediscovering Joy in Simple Moments
• 17:06 Rethinking Rest and Productivity

Transcript

June Suepunpuck (00:02.275)
Welcome to the How to Find Joy podcast. If you are currently feeling unhappy, overwhelmed, stuck in a rut, or simply need a boost of hope, you've come to the right place. I'm your host, June Supanpuk, also known as Joy Guy June, and I'm here to give you honest conversations on how to find joy through this messy thing called life. My intention is to share practical tips on how to get back on the path towards joy.

show you examples of what that could look like for you, and help you feel more inspired and connected to your own definition of success, power, and true happiness. If you're ready to learn what's possible, the How to Find Joy podcast is here for you. So let's get this pod started. Woohoo!

June Suepunpuck (00:54.403)
Happy Monday everybody and happy two weeks and a couple of days until the best holiday ever Halloween. My favorite time of the year. I have been going nonstop because we're about to leave for a family wedding and holiday seasons are always the time where things ramp up and as you all know if you've been on this journey with me, mama hasn't slept.

I have not had time to really sink in to rest and I've been noticing that the more I try to rest, the more it's starting to make me feel some type of way and that is the topic of today. Because I've been thinking a lot about how rest, something that sounds so freaking simple, everyone's like, nap when the baby naps. I'm like, okay, you try. But even...

before then when I was thinking about my old career and how much time we just didn't have rest because we were either on a night shoot or be back to back jobs and rest was not easy. It was like your, my circadian rhythm was off or for me now, like my hormones are all over the place. So I just feel like rest and I, we're just not besties. We're struggling, we need counseling. And so.

I have been thinking a lot about how rest in my body at least can feel so unsafe because for people like me, the ones who have spent years proving or producing or performing, rest does not always equate to relaxing. In fact, it to me can feel almost threatening to my body. And you know, you tell yourself you're going to rest and for

examples, let's say you open up Netflix and you're like, yes, I'm finally going to rest. And then somehow you end up answering DMS and all of a sudden you're also cleaning out your email inbox instead, or you sit still for what? Five minutes before that inner voice just whispers in your ear. You should be doing something and

June Suepunpuck (03:11.675)
You're like, okay, you're right voice. I should be doing something. And then all of a sudden, you're just instead of resting, you're just thinking about how you should be doing something other than rest. Does that sound familiar to anybody? Because I have spent so much time where I'm like, I'm just going to jot a few ideas down. And then suddenly it's two hours later on my laptop and I'm like, dang it, I'm working again. recently, my personal favorite is I make a to do list for how I'm going to a lab.

because once I check off all of these things, I will finally be relaxed. Does that sound familiar to anyone? Because that would make me feel a lot less alone. Because oftentimes I think about, like in my opinion, rest feels unsafe. What does that even mean? To me, I think it means that my nervous system does not know the difference between slowing down and then losing total control of my life.

And I feel like I've been here more times than I can count. And I'm kind of, I'm going to be honest, I'm kind of disappointed in myself that I'm back here again, because I have spent years, I guess, studying this, doing it, practicing it. And then it's like you throw in a baby and then all of a sudden I feel like I don't even know any of these things. I have to like relearn them all over again. And

You know, I have to then give myself compassion because I think about the pattern in my life, right? As long as I can remember, I have been chasing the next thing to do. And in grade school, in school in general, it was all about extracurriculars or about, you know, getting that extra points on my grade or winning awards for my parents because they were really into...

having me do that. know, do well so I can go to a good college, you know, that type of stuff. And then in college it was about pooling all-nighters and committing to all of the different groups that I could possibly be in so that I can maybe go to grad school and get a master's and then after getting a master's it was like okay.

June Suepunpuck (05:27.202)
I am finally in my dream career and I'm in Hollywood and then I'm doing 18 hour work days because those were standard and pretty normal, which I'm like disgusted by now at this point to think about how exhaustion was practically our personality trait and we just sat around in circles, tired beyond belief and then kind of complaining to one another about who rested the least because that would be somehow some freaking badge of honor. What?

Like I think about that and I'm like, what? Why? What are we doing? And then every time I realized like in that cycle during those days when things finally got quiet because what? It was a holiday break and nobody works during Christmas or you know, between jobs. I remember thinking to myself, ooh, yes, I can finally rest. And then when I rested, I hated it.

I because I'd collapse on my couch. I'd be a shell of my former self and I would be so tapped out and feeling so empty because suddenly my life doesn't have a purpose or something right and then my body that's been run down for so long officially gets sick because you know like those times where you know, you're going to get sick, but you have something to do and then you push just a little bit harder and you're running on adrenaline and your body like does its job and you don't get sick.

But then once you rest, BAM! You get so sick. That was me. It was me. Does this make sense to anybody? And then also on top of all of it, I would definitely say I would get depressed. And back then I would never have called it that. We do not talk about we did not talk about depression or go to therapy back in the day.

When I was working as much as we do now, and it was definitely not as normal, to me, I grew up with people who were like, you don't get depressed. You're just getting weak. And so for me, now I know so well that my self-worth was completely tied to being useful, to having a purpose, to getting things checked off the list. And I realize now that when I wasn't doing, I didn't know who the heck I was.

June Suepunpuck (07:43.956)
And that's why I felt so depressed because it's like, who am I if I am not my work or my job or the service that I'm giving, right? So the cycle went like this. And maybe this sounds familiar for you. Hopefully it doesn't. But you go full throttle, right? On your mission, on your job, the things that you have to do. Then you do it so well. Overachiever high five. Then you burn out. You crash.

You finally rest, but then you feel so low during your rest that you then crave doing something again because you feel so low that you need that hit. You need that hit again to feel joy or what you thought was joy, right? So then I realize now, looking back, that my joy, which I thought was like, I love my job, I love my job. June, did you?

I mean, there was a time that I really did and I was so grateful. It was like the dream job. And then there was the time where I was just in straight up denial because I wasn't calling in any joy. It was just a chase for the dopamine hit. And so my work addiction was really dressed up as my purpose. Right. So now leaving that old life back in what 2018, 2019, it forced me to face something that I had been avoiding.

And that was the fact that I didn't actually know how to be myself, like truly myself without someone telling me what my purpose was or what my job was or me chasing after some whatever goal it was the next, know, true, true, true destination addiction. So then without my job, without the validation that came with it, I had to relearn how to find joy in the quiet moments. And even now, six years later,

six, seven years later, I still catch myself slipping back into that need to earn my rest. And then there are nights like last night where it finally turned cold here in Ohio. We lit a bonfire in the backyard. I mean, just imagine this, like there is a Halloween projector that's casting.

June Suepunpuck (09:58.556)
little cartoon ghosts across the side of the house and the stars are peeking out from behind these beautiful painting-like clouds. And there's just a little bit of moonlight so you can actually see some of the details of the clouds. And the fire in front is just toasting delicious smelling s'mores and hot dogs. And we as a family ended up reading my favorite

books growing up in childhood, which was scary stories to tell in the dark. Do you guys remember that? I'm talking probably to my millennials, but it was so iconic and I just recently learned that they were trying to ban those books from the libraries at that time and people had to like fight for non-censorship of these scary stories because if you read these, you know how terrifying the images are and how haunting they are to this day in my brain.

But I loved them and it brought me so much joy and you know what? Because we were doing that because we were just simply outside by the fire which also felt like kind of primitive and Primal it was the most joyful I have felt since I don't even remember I think becoming a mom and stepping into that role I obviously have joy that is created from being in that role and

enjoying my son, but you know having these scary stories, which he doesn't understand any of the stories. So it's like being there, enjoying my family, and allowing this moment in time to just be here and be present and be warm together as a family. Not because it was like I didn't feel joy because I achieved anything. In fact, arguably we didn't do anything.

Because it wasn't being, it wasn't about being productive. It was just about being present, right? And so it reminded me that joy does not have to live in the hustle. It lives in these moments that just don't mean anything to anyone else but me. And that is the whole point, right? So the question of the week or the questions of the week, should I say, is for you to really think about this. When was the last time you felt joy that did not come from being productive? When was the last time? Think about it.

June Suepunpuck (12:25.054)
Like take a moment, pause. When was the last time? And what would it look like for you to create more of that without earning it first? Because you know, we're talking about rest. We're talking about like what it is that allows you to rest. And it was so funny because somebody said to me at lunch the other day, because I kept saying like, I need sleep. I need rest. I need sleep. I need rest. And my friend was like, June, I don't.

you actually need more sleep or more rest?" And I was like, okay, I'll bite. Like, what do you mean? And she goes, I think you need more time where it's just for you and it is where no one is asking you to do anything and all you're doing is just doing stuff for yourself. was like, my gosh, light bulb moment. Yes, because it's,

different right like rest can mean different things maybe rest is sleeping like I think my brain equates it to you so finally be able to sleep and once I be I'm able to sleep I'll get more joy again not necessarily I think rest comes from also tapping into that joy and really recognizing that you're rejuvenating your energy again in a way that is very specific to you and You know for the those of you who are like, how do I even access any of this?

I don't remember the last time that I felt joy. Well, sometimes when I feel myself getting caught in the loop of doing, I will close my eyes and pretend I'm 90 years old. Like Golden Girl style. I know they were not 90 in that, but they did look it. Like I feel like they were supposed to be in their 50s, by the way. So that's also some some type of hilarity. But you I look back at my life pretending that I'm 90 years old.

And the truth is, guess what? Those jobs that I did, those awards, those achievements, they don't make the freaking highlight reel. People, as much of a workaholic as I am, I can barely remember any of the jobs. But what I do remember are the things that will never make it onto my resume. If I think back, and I am 90, the memories that, here are the memories that come up. I'll remember my cul-de-sac that I lived in in Northern Virginia.

June Suepunpuck (14:50.719)
in my childhood home where I was learning for the first time how to drive stick shift with my dad and we're in our red beat up 82 hatchback Toyota Corolla and I am using the clutch and trying to learn how to use the gas at the same time and I am rounding the corner of into our cul-de-sac and I legit almost hit my neighbor's mailbox because I went way too fast around the corner.

And I will never forget the absolute relief of missing the mailbox. I mean, it was not great at all, but I also remember the thrill of the adrenaline as I'm like, I am driving. This is amazing. And another thing my 90 year old self will remember is the smell of my mom's Thai cooking and how

we'd all joke as a family that when someone sneezed from the spices in the air, because, you know, I grew up with spicy food. It is my lifeline that when somebody sneezed, dinner was officially ready. I will also remember the sound of my doctor's voice as she's, you know, talking after my last push and things are so cinematic. It definitely felt like a movie and

so out of body for me, of course, but I remember her voice asking my husband, what is it? What is it? So that he could be the one to announce that we had a son because it was supposed to be a surprise for us. And so we waited to find out, you know, what we were having until my final push and my son came out and I will never forget my doctor's voice as she says, what is it?

And of course, last night around the bonfire with three generations just laughing and reading scary stories under the stars. mean, those are the moments I will personally remember because those are the ones that matter to me. You know, the world taught me to measure my worth in what I produce. And I don't know, maybe it's the same for you, but life keeps showing me that joy is not found in what I do. And maybe

June Suepunpuck (17:13.649)
rest was never the problem. Maybe it's just that our bodies forgot how to feel safe in it. Because every time we slow down long enough to notice what's right in front of us, right? The laughter or the firelight or the quiet. I feel like that's when we finally remember. Like this is what this whole life is all about. Because in my opinion, rest is not the opposite of doing. I think it's just

giving space to let our joy breathe. So what if this week, right, instead of earning your rest, you simply paused long enough to enjoy the life you're already living.

June Suepunpuck (18:02.527)
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