A Letter to My Homegirls

Intentional Dating: Navigating the Contaminated Dating Pool

• Sydnei & Morgan • Season 1 • Episode 1

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In this episode of "A Letter to My Homegirls," Morgan Adrine and Sydnei Sellers candidly talk about intentional dating in today's society. They discuss the challenges of finding quality partners and the importance of being intentional in their dating choices. Morgan emphasizes the five key factors she looks for in a potential partner: consistency, vulnerability, security, transparency, and motivation. While acknowledging that there may be a scarcity of suitable matches, they also explore the significance of assessing one's environment and expectations. They encourage embracing personal non-negotiables and avoiding the pressure to settle for less. The episode provides insightful perspectives on intentional dating and empowers listeners to prioritize their happiness and fulfillment in relationships.

So I said this a letter to my home girls. So Sydnei, how you feeling? Were you at on spicy meter to spice it up a little bit?

Sydnei Sellers:

I'm still going to let my banana pepper Yep. I'm Adam. banana pepper. What about you?

Morgan Adrine:

Dats dead might as well be a bell. Um, I'm still a Thai Thai pepper. Okay, spicy. Too spicy, but little spicy. Okay, make sure you catch your breath. Um, so I'm going to talk about intentional dating. Because this is something that has come up a lot, it comes up a lot my friend groups. Um, I first want to start off by asking I know the definition, but for those who may not, what does intentional dating mean and look like?

Sydnei Sellers:

That's a loaded question.

Morgan Adrine:

The spark note version,

Sydnei Sellers:

the spark note version. Okay. So for me, and as it pertains to my life and where I am. Intentional dating, I think is first identifying who you are, why you're here. Second, identifying individual purpose, and then what it looks like for another person to join that purpose. Outside of like, your own desires, right, right. So really just taking yourself outside of like, what it is that I want, for me in my mission of life, but really taking a look at what you feel like God has created you for and how to fulfill that mission with someone else.

Morgan Adrine:

Okay, so now that we know what international dating is, how like, realistically do you feel like in today's society, we can intentionally date because me personally, I feel as if you said this earlier, the dating pool is contaminated by urine, some other things, but we'll just say urine. So we're not getting a whole it's a whole bunch of quantity, and no quality. Like I'm seeing liquid, but nothing is chlorinated water. So it makes it real hard to be intentional, when the people that are in this pool don't have any substance or lack of their of.

Sydnei Sellers:

Yes, so I can definitely second that. And oftentimes we'll I mean, in my own experience. It's really about positioning for me when intentional dating, right. So I believe in God. Right? Right. Jesus is the thing. Like he's the head of my life, like, give testimony right now, right. But aside from that, I also believe that every part of my life is purposed. Okay, so I do think that the world is definitely contaminated. There's absolutely pee inside of the pool.

Morgan Adrine:

Right? But where are some other things, a lot of

Sydnei Sellers:

other miscellaneous items. But one of the things or what keeps me hopeful, I would say right with all of this contamination, is the fact that I believe that God has an intention for me in my life, that supersedes what I understand today. Okay, and I use that and operate in that light in that lane with date and also so it's very easy for me to pick up on vibes right real common term, if it's a vibe, it's not vibe and we not vibing that's not a vibe, right? Real quick, right? Because I have intentions for myself. I also know what I feel like God has created me for so I look for those things in other people so I don't waste a whole lot of

Morgan Adrine:

Right at all. I feel like me being 24 and being time. out about a year and a half now being out a really A ship that no longer served me and my purpose, I completely agree with you. Like, I know that I have a purpose, I know that I have a plan. I know that God's plan supersedes my own plan. However, it's hard to stay hopeful. When the people of my generation don't, they don't like they don't make me, they don't give me a sense of hope, I should say, like the guys in my age bracket, let's say 23 to 31. Again, because I swear I can base my dating knowledge. Um, they are least the ones that I've experienced, they don't like do it for me. And when I say like, what I look for when I'm because I'm in a phase of intentional dating, because I don't have energy or time to waste when someone who I feel like can I hope serve my purpose. So the five things out for like, I look for consistency, vulnerability. I'm bad, because this

Sydnei Sellers:

is like the load consistency,

Morgan Adrine:

vulnerability, security, transparency, and I look for somebody that can motivate me. So I feel like the first four are kind of transparent consistency. You can say that you like me, but are you being consistent in your actions? Are you showing up in the ways I need you to show up for me? Is the energy consistent transparency? Are you being transparent? vulnerability? Do you know how to effectively communicate your emotions? Do you have that emotional intelligence about yourself? Are you being vulnerable? Security that are so just relates to I feel like security is kind of twofold. First part, do you have i dunno? Like, do you just make me feel protected? Do you have that energy that when we go out or when we go places, I feel protected? Like I feel like I can lessen my alpha personality? Because I know that you're gonna stand up for me and you together? I don't have to be the force you can. And then the second part is Do you provide me with the security in our relationship? Like, do you make me feel secure as a woman knowing that this is essentially what you want, but then I felt like motivation is a big part, I've done a lot, I plan on still accomplishing a lot. I'm in the works to do a lot. So I am very self motivated person. But I'll also look for the people around me to motivate me as well. Do you motivate me by what you're doing? By what I see that you're accomplishing by our use? Like trying to better yourself? Whatever way that looks like spiritually, emotionally, financially? Are you doing something that makes me want to be a better person? And, again, I'm not saying everybody is like this, but the reason why I'm still single today is because what's the reason why I have not found all of those five factors?

Sydnei Sellers:

So okay, so you know, I just stated that I'm very intentional person, right? Believe that God, you know, he sovereign over everything, right. One of the important things I think, also is important with intentional dating. And dating with intention is also setting your intention, what you just did, right, identifying the things that you're looking for in another person, right, but also checking your environment and surroundings as it pertains to your expectations of these people. Right? So you want a man who is strong, right? Independent, self motivated all of these things, which are amazing. And you haven't found them? Could it be because of the environments that you're in where these people are not? Right? So I think oftentimes, we look at what isn't around, and not necessarily where we are. Right, right. So if I want somebody that is self starter, a go getter, he probably ain't gonna be on with six on a Saturday. He may be though, because sometimes they don't go out on a Saturday. So not you. I'm just saying that for no shot to Bedford. I'm just saying, like being mindful of where you are, that goes also with intentionally dating or dating with intention. So it's not just this big thing of affirmation, or manifesting or affirming, right? I'm standing in the dark, but I want light. So it's light all around me. There's light, it's still dark. You got to move. Right. So just thinking about what is it that I'm asking for? And where am I so I have a responsibility to affirm myself to manifest to ask for these good things. But I also have a responsibility to check my position. Right. So I think that that's another thing that I had to identify in my quest for intentional dating to was not just lack, but where am I Searching for things that I want.

Morgan Adrine:

And that's real, because I mean, ideally, if I want, like, I'm not gonna find the guy that I want in Medusa, sure enough, like, I'm not looking for him and, but, but I feel like I also need to add some context because you know, growing up one thing that my mom and my grandmother always told me, so told me to this day, is that you should always and this goes for men too, you should always be with someone who is doing just as good, if not better than you, that can be in any in any sense. So don't get me wrong, I've met a lot of quality guys, like, I'm not just meeting bumps off the fence, like, I've met a lot. That out there, I've met a lot of quality guys, yes, but their quality doesn't. And let me not say that. But it's not what I need. At this point in my life. Like, again, they have quality, they're doing awesome things with where they are, but it's not what I need. Meaning again, I I believe that I am a force like I, I have done a lot. And again, I expect somebody to have the same drive as me. And the same motivation as me, especially if we talk about like being being in a relationship, whether it's a friendship, platonic, whatever, romantic, it's a partnership to a certain extent. So you should have someone that you're in this partnership with to compliment you in some type of way. If I'm such a strong personality, if I know that I can do XY and Z, I feel like I shouldn't have to accept somebody that can't match what I'm bringing to the table. So again, I want to say I've met some quality guys, however, it's not what I need, or what I'm looking for.

Sydnei Sellers:

And I think it should be more of a acceptance around that being okay. Right? So,

Morgan Adrine:

but then you get the idea of like, because my mom has said it before, like you obviously you have to give and take, nobody's gonna be perfect, right? I feel like the five qualities that I stated, I shouldn't have to give and take on though. Like, I feel like I should not have to. So it's like, but then to talk to someone who's older than me. And they say, well give and take, she's not talking about giving and taking physical characteristics she's talking about, well, you know, maybe he's not as motivated as you are, if you're not as motivated as me, I feel like you're just gonna hold me back with the things that I'm trying to do. So again, I asked, like, what do I give and take on?

Sydnei Sellers:

So to be completely honest, I really feel like you shouldn't give when you shouldn't feel like you have to surrender your non negotiables. Right. So I have things that are not negotiable for me. Right. And I think also, it's this idea in society that there's a hourglass time line time ticking bomb, when you should be married, when your husband should come when you should have kids, when you should do all of these things. And I think that that's something that also chases us as women, right. So me in my journey, I literally not only date with intention, but live life with intention, right. So it's not necessarily like I don't ask myself, When is he coming? I literally choose to live a day at a time where my heart position and the way that if he comes he comes if he doesn't, and then to with all the people that you meet? It's just a No, and it's okay. That you not him. It's okay. Right? You may be him for somebody else, right? It's not, it's not for me, and they should be I think more accepted. Your nos should be more accepted. Right? And I think that that's the thing, guys and women, right? Because there's not to suggest that the woman has all the cards, and she's the only one that can say no, because men have the right time. Like, Sis, you ain't all lay. It's okay. You're like, and I mean, even with me, right? Because I mean, you think we were raised to think so highly of ourselves, right? But sometimes, if we thinking about purpose, this person could be a good person, but you don't help me fulfill my purpose. If I'm thinking intentional, right? If I'm thinking about my life view,

Morgan Adrine:

and that's how I feel like, in today's society, and this goes for men, too, if a guy, like if a guy was to turn you down, you will be offended. Like, why, like, what's wrong with you? Like, do you do you see me like, what's wrong with you? And then for a guy to force me to turn a guy down? Oh, well, you got a boyfriend? No. Well, why you don't want to talk to me? Because I don't want to talk to well, why not? Like, you know what I mean? It's this level of anger that entitlement Yeah, it's a level of entitlement that comes when you tell somebody like they're not for you and they're not your person. And I don't know if that's because of the role social media plays where everyone is so focused on the outside, characteristics, they we really aren't having conversations about anything. We aren't talking about anything. We're talking about, oh, who did what? When she got on board? Well, he just posted oh where you about to pull up to Saturday night, like, we're not having any conversations of substance. But I feel like, again, people get so offended when you say that they're just not it for you that I also feel like there's not much substance out there. So when a guy comes to you, and he's so used to females doing whatever treating him like he's the prize, and then all of a sudden, you tell him, nah, I'm not interested. It's like, Well, again, like, what's, what's wrong with you?

Sydnei Sellers:

So, you know, one thing that I do or normally do in that vein, right? I think a lot of those emotions are centered around an expectation that they should receive the no a certain type of way, right? So with me, my no is no and that's. Like, I don't, I don't even and this may sound kind of harsh, right? I don't even think about how they would feel more about the No, right, because

Morgan Adrine:

as I'm gonna tell you, I'm telling you it however you feel about it, but really

Sydnei Sellers:

is more so I'm being intentional and authentic to who I am. And this does not work. So it starts to play with your own self esteem, your own self worth, when you start to think, Well, why did he feel this way? After I had this expression of how I felt, right? I don't even linger too long. Like this is my decision. It's a no. And we move on, all right, because you just don't want to, you don't want to let it get you don't want to let it get get get too sticky. in those regards, you know, not to get too sticky.

Morgan Adrine:

So see, wrap it up for me, because I don't have no hope. I say this to my friends all the time. Like, again, I know, I know, my husband is out there, but I'm ready to just like, don't get hid in the closet for a little bit. Because this is ghetto. And I'm getting very discouraged. You know, it's almost like angering like patients isn't a virtue that I have. So it's almost like angering that I feel like I'm wasting my time. Because at the same time, I don't want to close people off because you never know who is your person, right? So you don't want to close people off and just instantly like you want to give somebody a chance so you could get to know Him it might be a great friendship, a great business partnership, whatever, but at the same time, I'm tired of wasting my time

Sydnei Sellers:

yet so. I definitely second that all of that right. So one thing are the things that I do this is all for all the young girls out there, okay, because it is good. Okay, there's kind of cool, bro contaminating but focusing on intentional dating, focusing on an intentional you, right? So focusing on the things that you want, right making sure or taking inventory of the environment in the spaces that you're dwelling in if they are helpful or beneficial to genuinely the things that you desire in your heart and not putting too much emphasis on. This has to happen by a certain time and late living a day at a time. Like in everything like soup paths dating, just being intentional with the way that you live your life and however it's supposed to happen. It shall be

Morgan Adrine:

PS ladies be fulfilled within yourself before you look for that external fulfillment facts