Assignment Season: Exploring the Fine Line Between Pouring Into an Assignment and Self-Preservation

In this hilarious and insightful episode of "A Letter to my homegirls," Morgan Adrine and Sydnei Sellers dive into the complex world of relationships and self-worth. With their quick wit and banter, they explore the question of when you might be giving too much without receiving an equal amount. Sydnei, with her zero-tolerance policy, offers valuable advice on assessing whether you're depleting your own cup and not getting anything in return. They discuss the delicate balance between being picky and blocking your own blessings, emphasizing the importance of knowing your non-negotiables.

But it doesn't stop there! Morgan raises a thought-provoking question about whether a person who currently has an assignment in your life could potentially become your life partner in the future. Sydnei's response, filled with wisdom and humor, revolves around timing and discernment. They highlight the significance of navigating relationships in the present without prematurely forecasting desires for the future. Sydnei encourages inviting God into the relationship and seeking divine guidance to avoid compromising the journey.

As the conversation unfolds, Morgan expresses her concerns about giving more than she's receiving, but Sydnei shifts her perspective. She reminds Morgan that if someone is an assignment, the focus should be on benefiting them rather than expecting something in return. However, Sydnei emphasizes that God will not force her to deplete herself without refilling her with what she needs. It's all about switching perspectives and understanding the season of assignment, while also seeking God's direction and taking it one day at a time.

In their final note to the homegirls, Morgan and Sydnei encourage extending grace to oneself and waiting on God's timing. With a mic-drop moment, they leave listeners laughing, inspired, and armed with insightful perspectives on relationships and personal growth.

Transcript

Morgan Adrine: 0:00

So I said, at what point are you tolerating too much? So Sydnei, how are you feeling today?

Sydnei Sellers: 0:09

Well Morg maybe I was a bell pepper but that I am probably hanging it the Karis

Morgan Adrine: 0:24

Carolina Reaper. I'm not a ghost pepper. So I'm up there with you. I'm on tour with you. Um, so I think you know what I want to talk about. Because I'll start here, I am often told by various people that obviously you know, relationships are give and take. But my genuine question is, at what point may you be giving too much without taking the same amount. And like, when I say this, I mean, like, I know, relationships will not always be 5050 8020 6040 I get that. But and more. So even before you get in a relationship. Obviously, we are not perfect, you will not be fully healed, you will not have everything together, financials, spirituality, anything, you will not have it all together before you get in a relationship. But I won't point to me as a single person, when do I say okay, I can work with you on this? Or nah? Like, that's, I can't deal with it. Well,

Sydnei Sellers: 1:35

so I, I am somebody who has, like 00 tolerance, like zero tolerance, and it's something that I'm definitely working a little bit better to manage. I think that assessing whether or not you are depleting or emptying your cup, and not getting anything in return is like the first step. Also identifying like, what about this relationship is requiring you or asking you to give, right? And then thinking about your non negotiables, like things that you just cannot, like, you know, those things that you cannot do? And assessing? What of those things are you given too much of,

Morgan Adrine: 2:29

but as someone who I, I feel like personally, I can be too picky. And like we're that goes into where you talk about you have zero tolerance, I don't want to have zero tolerance, and then block my own blessings. So, and I understand the non negotiables Yes. However, you know, when we because everybody has a list of qualities, characteristic traits that they want in that husband, wife, partner, whatever it may be. How do you know what is something that you can say? Like put in layaway? Like, okay, you don't have it now. But I trust that you'll have it later. Like how do you differentiate what those qualities and traits may be?

Sydnei Sellers: 3:12

So to be honest, I don't even think that you could have like my definition of having, zero tolerance will put me in a situation where I block my blessings only because I feel like in a spouse or a partner, I want what God wants for me. So when I say zero tolerance, I mean, like, for anything other than the things that identify will work for me. Um, and I think my brother actually told me that I'm not picky, I just know and have experienced what I want. Okay? Because I think oftentimes, women especially like, we are quick to be labeled picky or stubborn, or all of these things, because we have a preference, right? We desire to be treated a certain kind of way. And I don't think that, you know, it's necessarily fair, right? That because I have taste in this area that I should be categorized as somebody who is too picky, right? I think I was talking to somebody yesterday, and I use this analogy, like, I really don't feel like you could force people to value you. Right? Like, that's one of the things that we often during a relationship we get in a relationship, but we get so frustrated and fed up with how they're treating us, right? Because we deserve better. You deserve more. But I really had to like question even that mindset, right? Got an analogy for you. A Rolex, right so you understand the value of a Rolex. You wouldn't gift somebody who used to wearing fossil watches a Rolex, right? And then expect them to understand the value The upkeep, right that it takes to have a Rolex watch, right? You want to do it. Same thing with identifying your value and your worth, I always told myself this all the time, right? I won't get frustrated with somebody else's lack. I'll just go where I'm valued. And I really had to like, except that because it got frustrating, like, I'm gonna shit. Like, why don't you see it like this is this is insulting, right? Right. So instead of continuing to like force this person who doesn't see you the same way, you see you go somewhere where they can acknowledge your value. Right?

Morgan Adrine: 5:39

Right. So then, to dive a little bit deeper, do you feel like a person that do you feel like an assignment can also be the person that you're meant to be with? Meaning that? No, okay, let me let me add a little context, meaning, I believe that people are placing your life for reasons and seasons, let's say that at the time you met someone, so maybe there was something that either God needed you to realize about yourself or needed you to help this person realized about themselves. But maybe this is the person that ultimately you were supposed to be with later down the line, once, whatever lesson, you both figure out, you get what I mean.

Sydnei Sellers: 6:25

So, I mean, I kind of think timing is important. I think also, discernment is even more important than a because we don't really know, right, you can have met somebody in 2000. And then come 2024, you meet him again, and that's your person. Right? I think the important thing is how you navigate the relationship when you have it in front of you. Because you could essentially start to talk to somebody who is out of time, right? And then compromise the relationship because it was too soon. So like really honing in on what is it that God is telling you in that person to do collectively, because you could be getting the same or different messages. That's why it's important to be on the same page, right? And identify, like what we are supposed to be doing in this relationship?

Morgan Adrine: 7:19

Right? So yeah, I have a lot of questions. But I'm gonna say it again, because I've talked to my friends about this. And it's hard to because again, we don't know who our person is, I do believe that you have more than one person in this world. It's just all about like, when you meet them whenever you cross paths. But I guess my next question is, do you feel like, you can almost be because, okay, I don't want to God is telling me that this person has an assignment, I'm just keeping it real. And God is telling me that this person has an assignment, he has shown me that he's yelling it at me at this point. So I have no choice but to listen. However, I can also see this person potentially being a life partner, because of common commonalities, ways that we both like aspirations, values, morals. So how do I not close myself off to what could be, but except what currently is you give it to me? Because I don't want to shut off the fact of because you could one day be my husband. But right now, that's not it. Right? But how do I stay in today without thinking about tomorrow? Well,

Sydnei Sellers: 8:39

you do just that. And one thing to think about or consider is to try as hard as you can, okay, to refrain from doing anything that would compromise the relationship, right? Long term, right? So I think that again, you don't necessarily know until you know, so just try not to forecast your own desires before God is giving you the message. So literally, like, even praying for like, one day at a time strength, like, I'm tempted you to him to return to, but I'm, we need you, okay, so like really like inviting God into the relationship. So then it'll like diminished the desires that you may feel to skip to whatever you need to skip to, right. Because you really essentially, like don't necessarily know until you know,

Morgan Adrine: 9:32

and that's where it is stressful for me. Like it's stressful. Because I if I just base it off of how this person acts right now, I am giving way more than what I'm receiving. Like I'm being I'm being a good friend, like I'm giving you all of these like loving qualities trustworthy honesty, like I'm showing up for you, but I'm not getting that. And it's like, at what point do I like let go because I truly believe you could be my person you do get my lemme,

Sydnei Sellers: 10:04

I get it. But we're getting one thing that you said was that he's an assignment. So if you understand the definition of an assignment, if he's your assignment, then you are essentially going to be given more than you're receiving, because it's strictly supposed to be to benefit him. Right? So when you switch your perspective to a relationship, right, or some life partner that you have expectations that he's supposed to be giving you something, but you ain't supposed to be there. Yeah.

Morgan Adrine: 10:33

So pretty much what she was telling me is there, I just need to keep pouring into him and continue to expect to get nothing back.

Sydnei Sellers: 10:41

No, what I'm saying is, continue to pray, ask period, did you get the house I know, I'll never ever want to God for direction, and give what God is telling you to give. Because Morrow relationship with God and how I view, you know, God, and it as it relates to assignments, is that if he's essentially an assignment, or this person is essentially assignment, God is not going to force me to deplete myself or drain myself for the benefit of somebody else without refilling me of the things that I need. Right? So I think perspective live. Like, switching is important, because we do this as women, like if we see something we want, we already don't walk down the we do it right. But you got to remind yourself of where you are aisle, we don't pick the dress out the house, the kids, you're gonna know, and what season God has told you, you learn, right? And that's the assignment season. So like, looking at what it means when you are in relationship with an assignment and what that will require of you, and what help you need from God. I think real big emphasis on inviting God in and asking him what is it that you need me to do with this because I'm feeling this way? Like I talk to God like my homeboy, right? Like you know this man is fine and attracted to these things guy but you told me he is my assignment so I'm gonna need you to

Morgan Adrine: 12:10

reveal it to me. Yeah. Because

Sydnei Sellers: 12:15

that movie Kelly a day. So you just gotta get real like you gotta you really just gotta get real. And then except that like your feelings are natural, like it's natural, like human nature to the the art of attraction like the law of attraction for like extending yourself some grace and like praying for one day at a time.

Morgan Adrine: 12:35

So would that be a final note to the home girls?

Sydnei Sellers: 12:38

That is my final note at home girls just remember to extend yourself grace and wait on his time.

Morgan Adrine: 12:46

A man and we dropped the mic.